I Feel You, A Fortify Wellness Production
Bettina Mahoney the Founder/CEO of @atfortifywellness is a rape survivor who started her brand after struggling to not only find a therapist, but multiple mediums to heal through her trauma. Fortify Wellness is a 360 holistic platform offering therapy, coaching, fitness, and meditation on one subscription platform. We dive deep with our trailblazing guests about overcoming adversity.
I Feel You, A Fortify Wellness Production
Amber Glenn: Team USA Figure Skater on Resilience, Mental Health & Breaking Barriers
US Figure Skating Champion Amber Glad opens up about her journey from identity struggles to self-acceptance, revealing how mental health challenges shaped her approach both on and off the ice.
• Finding identity beyond skating after 20 years in the sport
• Mental health crisis at age 16 leading to hospitalization
• Battling body image issues and perfectionism in a demanding environment
• Using neurotherapy to recover from severe concussion and manage anxiety
• Setting boundaries while mentoring young skaters
• Connecting with her inner child to heal past wounds
• Creating a sustainable training routine focused on recovery and consistency
• Building resilience through breathing techniques and mindfulness
• Wanting her legacy to be "inspirational" through overcoming obstacles
Go to www.fortifywellness.com to join the waitlist for our new app launching October 19th, bringing together therapy, coaching, fitness and meditation on one subscription.
More about Amber Glenn:
Amber Glenn, a 24-year-old figure skater hailing from Plano, Texas, has been steadily rising in the world of figure skating. Her most recent triumph came in January 2024, where she clinched the coveted title of U.S. National Champion. This victory wasn't just a personal win, but a testament to her perseverance – Glenn was also the U.S. Junior Champion a decade ago in 2014. In the 2022-2023 season, she added a bronze medal at Skate America and another bronze at the U.S. Championships to her trophy collection, propelling her to her first World Championships appearance.
Beyond her athletic prowess, Glenn is a vocal advocate for mental health awareness. She openly shares her own experiences and uses her platform to inspire others. Another facet of Glenn's identity is her place within the LGBT community. As the first out LGBTQ+ woman to win the U.S. national title, she serves as a role model for young athletes who may have struggled to find relatable figures in the sport.
In 2024, Amber went on to win back-to-back Golds at the Grand Prix de France, Cup of China, and Grand Prix Final (first for an American woman since 2010). She most recently just won her second consecutive U.S. Figure Skating Championship and finished fifth at the World Championships in Boston, making a her a strong favorite to podium at the 2026 Winter Olympic Games in Italy.
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**This information is not to be misconstrued as medical or psychological advice. Please contact your medical team if you have questions or concerns pertaining to your medical or psychological well-being. All of the linked products are independently selected, and curated by the fab Fortify team. If you love and buy something we link to, we may earn a commission.**
You're listening to the Fortify Wellness Podcast. I'm Bettina Mahoney, founder, survivor and, honestly, your unlicensed emotional support friend. Season nine is here and we're not doing surface-level conversation. This is for anyone who's ever ugly cried at 3 am, spiraled in their own head, questioned everything and still got up the next day. We're diving into healing that actually slaps Mind, body and soul. No fake positivity, no, just journal it out advice. We're talking raw stories that kind of make you go oh wow, yep, same and expert gems that actually help and listen. We're leveling up. We've got conversations with voices who are literally changing the game. Quick disclaimer this isn't therapy or medical advice. It's real talk, lived experience and tools you can steal to rebuild your life. So buckle up. Season 9 starts now. Subscribe, log in and let's get fortified.
Speaker 1:Look, you guys know I've been through it. I struggled to find help that actually felt like help Therapy here, coaching there, fitness apps, everywhere. It was just a mess. So I built the thing I wish existed when I was struggling. It's called the Fortify Wellness app, a 360 holistic platform that pulls it all together Talk, therapy, coaching, fitness and meditation on one subscription. No bouncing between five logins no, where do I even start? Think of it as a giant group hug for the version of you that's finally ready to try the messy version, the healing version, the I want my life back version. We're live October 19th. It's happening and I cannot wait for you to feel this happening. And I cannot wait for you to feel this. Go to wwwwefortifywellnesscom to join the wait list and subscribe to this podcast, whatever you need to do, but let's never give up and let's get fortified.
Speaker 1:Okay, you guys, today I've got Amber glad on the pod. She's not just a us figure skating champion. She's a literally rewriting history in one of the toughest sports out there. On the ice she's a powerhouse of artistry and grit, and off the ice she's just as fearless, showing up authentically in a world that's always watching. We're going there today the pressure, the mental game and what it really takes to stay grounded when everything feels like it's on the line. Let's get into it. Amber, thank you so much for joining me. How are you? I'm good. Thanks for having me. This is very exciting. I'm very happy that you're feeling better.
Speaker 2:Thank you. Yeah, I'm just ready to buckle down and start my year, so.
Speaker 1:Yes, It'll be very exciting, and we kind of we start off like I feel like right on brand with you. We just like go for it with like the triple axle, with the like pulling the bandaid right off, which I really love. I'm really on brand with that too. So when you take away all of your titles, all of your awards, your achievements, You're alone in your room. The cameras are off. Who are you?
Speaker 2:Oh my gosh, for a long time I had no idea.
Speaker 2:I really struggled with finding an identity out of skating, and even though I do feel like my identity is intertwined with skating to a extreme degree, because I've been doing it since I was five years old I've been doing it for 20 years Uh, now I've really found what matters to me at my core, uh, just my beliefs, my, what I want to give to the world, my beliefs, my, what I want to give to the world, and that is not just mentorship through skating, but just through life and finding mentors that can help me through life as well. And just learning from experience and teaching others from my experience that I wish I'd known when I was younger. And just I really learned to communicate and I so I'd say, like off the ice, I really communicate with people, I really try and understand people, and I'm also a big nerd, like you can see behind me I have a bunch of lightsabers on the wall. I like enjoy a card game called Magic the Gathering. I like anime, I'm like, I'm a nerd, I love that kind of stuff.
Speaker 1:I love that. Do you know Settlers of Catan? I love that game.
Speaker 2:Oh my gosh.
Speaker 1:Yes, that's really interesting because I grew up as a competitive dancer. I started dancing at like two and a half, and so I relate to the fact of really connecting your identity to your, your sport, your art form. It can be really hard. What was, what was your process and sort of? I guess it's kind of like unshielding the mask. In a sense, you realize that you're worthy, with or without the thing. What was your process for that?
Speaker 2:It is been a journey for sure. I think when I started speaking out about my mental health struggles and kind of going against the norm in skating, I kind of accepted myself, both on and off the ice, for who I am and I really leaned into that more, rather than trying to conform and be a certain way that I thought the world wanted me to be. So I feel like during that time when I got more comfortable with myself and then eventually coming out and really seeing how that affected not just the skating community but just people in general people who've never skated before but saw me online and thought, followed my story and thought I was inspiring or gave them confidence Just stuff like that has really brightened the future for me and I hope it can for other people as well.
Speaker 1:And I love watching you skate. It's like poetry in motion with your like, just your technique and your musicality. It's just really, really beautiful. When did you realize that you needed to do this for the rest of your life? Was there a moment for me? There was like a moment where I'm like I have to be involved in this sport forever.
Speaker 2:There was a time that I had to step away from skating for my mental health and I missed it and I'd say before that point I was kind of just doing skating. It's what I did. I didn't pay attention to what was going on in the skating world, what was happening, other people, anything like that. And then when I was off the ice, I kind of started seeing what other people were doing, because I wasn't doing it. So I realized how much of a fan I am of figure skating and how much I really enjoy it and know about it, because it's been my number one thing in life since such a young age and I wasn't someone who just had success overnight. It was something I really had to work through and work towards. So I figured out every wrong way to do it and eventually found a way that works for me.
Speaker 2:But I have a lot of experience in knowing how it feels to, you know, mess up, it wasn't just like oh, I went and did it because it's easy for me, because for some people it's like that and kudos to them, that's amazing, but it wasn't like that for me. So I realized that there was a lot that I enjoyed, not just myself skating. I enjoyed. I started teaching a little bit. I started, uh, really being there for the younger skaters, you know, say they're having a bad day. It's like, oh, go have a lesson with Amber and try. You know, I helped them through it, uh. So that really just made me realize how much I enjoy the sport overall and how I want to continue to grow it in the future. So I'd say around that age is when I really realized I wanted to be involved. But more recently I've realized I really want to continue performing because I really enjoy it.
Speaker 1:I love that. And you alluded to having to pause for a minute your mental health. What was that turning point for you where you were like I need to take a beat from this in such a dark place I could barely even get up in the mornings.
Speaker 2:But a psychiatrist was like you can't be doing this, like you are going off the deep end. And I literally didn't do anything. I was just. I was so depressed at the time I had tried an antidepressant that just did not work with my. It just didn't work. Well, it was just. It had the adverse effects and it made things so much worse and I had to actually be hospitalized and then had to, you know, while they were changing the medications to something that they think could work, because I was just so all over the place and I was about 16 years old not a great time, you know, for any of that to happen and also was on a national stage. People were seeing me perform in other countries and I just I couldn't handle it, I couldn't do it. So I had to just stop everything and just focus on surviving, and it had to be like that for a little while.
Speaker 1:I know that feeling. I had it after I was assaulted and going from someone who I'm sure you're like this you trained, trained long days right To go from that to not being able to get up in the morning is really, really tough. It can feel like your body's betraying you, but your body's delivering information to you. Like you got to take care of this and I was at that point too where I had to also go into the hospital for a bit and I didn't. I didn't have that transition with meds that they actually gave me Zoloft the last day when I was leaving and then that didn't work out for me. I was like I'm done with this. So that was very bizarre. But I understand the feeling of going like oh no, like the I don't I'm not in the headspace that I once was. What was that feeling like for you? I'm sure as a skater, you feel very connected to your body. What was that like to sort of go from avidly training and performing to slower and having to really focus on your mental health in that state?
Speaker 2:My mental health had been deteriorating for quite a while. At that point, honestly, I had my. I had my first big success. I won junior at nationals. And then, all of a sudden, I had my first big success. I won junior at nationals. And then, all of a sudden, I had thousands of eyes on me and I was projected to be the next big thing and the comparison started happening.
Speaker 2:I started comparing myself to others and one of the things that really hurt me was my own self-confidence and my own body image issues. I thought I was too big and I thought that I couldn't compete with these people because I just stick out and even though I was doing all the hard stuff, there was nothing wrong. I was just in an environment that encouraged that and it was just one hit after another and I was restricting and then binging, and restricting and binging, and it was just trigger warning, sorry, trigger warning, sorry. Uh, but it was just such a cycle of trying to find some way to control what was going on, cause I was a 15 year old girl. I, like I, didn't have much control over my life, except for, maybe, what I did, what I ate, sometimes, like everything else.
Speaker 2:I was told what to do, told what to do, told what to do and at a certain point I just I couldn't, I could not physically get myself to because I had just so much self-hatred. I thought I was worthless and there was just not something to look forward to. I thought, oh, these top skaters, they don't have these issues that I do, they don't feel this way, so I'm never going to be like them. But in reality they were also struggling in silence. So that's why I really try and speak out about the mental health issues and crises that I've had, because I didn't know what to do, I didn't have a light or a resource really, because mental health wasn't really talked about that often, especially in our sport back then. It wasn't a big topic. It was kind of just like it wasn't a big topic.
Speaker 1:It was kind of just like you just need to be mentally tough and go do it. So how did you show up feeling this self-hatred? Did?
Speaker 2:it show up in every part of your life. And how did it manifest? Oh yeah, it was every single asset disliking how muscular I was, how I was bigger, how I was taller, how I wasn't as graceful as the others. Meanwhile I'm able to do these incredible athletic feats that not everyone is doing, but it doesn't fit in necessarily. Everyone is doing, but it's it doesn't fit in necessarily.
Speaker 2:And I just wanted to be like them and I didn't think I was capable of it, even though I was. So I was trying to take these drastic measures to get there, get to their levels, and then everything would come crashing down. And then I would try, and you know, run five miles in the morning every morning before I skate, and it worked for like a week, and then I'd be exhausted and hurt myself, and then it just was this just not feeling like I was enough, just being me like I needed something more, just being me like I needed something more, and that something more didn't really. It hurt me more than help. So it was just this never ending cycle that eventually had to stop.
Speaker 1:That makes a lot of sense to me and I know when you talk about in interviews that you have this mantra of like believing yourself and trusting yourself. People would look at you like really surprised that you feel this way because you're at the top of your game. But it makes sense to me because what's going on in here doesn't always reflect in the way that we're performing quite literally in our lives, right? So, like, what's your mantra now in this chapter that you're in, before you step on the ice to set your ground and feel that equilibrium and balance?
Speaker 2:up on the ice to set your ground and feel that equilibrium and balance. Yeah, I have been trying to remind myself to trust myself. I mean, I just came out with this and it's believe and breathe, because growing up I was always told believe, believe, believe in yourself, believe in yourself, and I was always like, yeah, I believe in myself, but I believed in my potential, but not in my everyday, like what I'm doing.
Speaker 2:I didn't believe in myself. I believed that maybe one day, if I do enough, I can be up there and, honestly, a lot of the times when I would compete, I would be so anxious and stressed I would like hold my breath. So just reminding myself to like read through it and to trust myself really, uh, and that I don't need to be anything more than what I am. And saying that now even is hard, because I wish I was a little bit more, I extended a little bit more, I wish that I uh did two triple axles in my program instead of one, and I wish I could. There's so many things that I wish I could be more, but at 25 and having a successful season last year, I just need to do what I can do right now and do that the best that I can, and that's enough.
Speaker 1:And what is quote? Unquote more.
Speaker 2:More. You can always do more. You can always have better edges. You can always have faster spins. You can always have slightly better technique. You can always. I could do two triple axels in my program instead of just one I could. There's so many things that can improve. You can keep it. You're never.
Speaker 2:It's very rare that you get to a level of perfection and I know that I'm capable of these things. But I'm trying to get all of that done within four minutes. It is very hard to, especially as someone with ADHD, to try and get all of those, check all those boxes while also being expected to perform. I'm supposed to make it look easy, but they're.
Speaker 2:Every single second I'm having to think about what every single part of my body is doing.
Speaker 2:Sometimes I'll have this great nice extension with my leg on this great edge and my arms stretched, but my back arm, I don't realize it's like kind of bent, weird, and that just completely ruins it.
Speaker 2:But I did all the rest of it so well, but then that tiny little thing ruins it. So it's just something that is really. It's a hard sport, it's difficult and I'm doing some of the hardest things in the sport currently in ladies figure skating. So that's kind of the part of just accepting myself for where I am and what I'm doing, and it's also why I want to try and speak out and mentor some of these kids, cause maybe I'd be at that level if I hadn't had my you know struggles at 17, or if I had changed my environment to something healthier when I was a teenager earlier and like, if I had had that kind of experience, maybe I wouldn't have to be 25 still trying to accomplish those things. Maybe I would have earlier and I wouldn't change anything about my journey now. But I know that I can help other people maybe avoid some of the speed bumps that I've had to endure.
Speaker 1:Really interesting. I felt the same way after I was assaulted and then, starting my app, I very much connected to my body. It was very challenging to dance in the way that I was dancing before because, as we know, always connected to our bodies, I knew that it was going to reveal something that I had to really deal with and that was really tough and I needed multiple mediums to help me on my journey fitness, obviously, therapy, coaching, all the things. And so when I think about my healing journey and thinking at the very like rock bottom or what I thought was rock bottom, I'm like I really want to help people and like heal and dah, dah, dah. And what I realized was was in that process, as I was healing and as I went through my journey and building I, I realized something really crazy which I didn't realize back then. It was like, even without all these things, I was still enough the whole time. And I think it can be really tough and I think my soul coach really challenges me on this Like, why do you always feel the need to like serve and be there for others?
Speaker 1:And maybe it's like my inner child, you know, wanting the saving, and sometimes it can be really tough. I don't know if you feel this way. If people come up to you and they share their, the things that they've gone through, their adversities, um, and I see the way that I've evolved over my time and I always tell people I'm not in that state of consciousness that I once was. I am now in this new consciousness, this new state of mind, um, and it can be really tough to when, when there's times when you're feeling down, when you might be feeling depressed. It's. I don't know if you feel this way, but sometimes it's tough for me to like tag that, like I'm feeling depressed because I associate it with a time when I couldn't get out of bed and you're like, no, I'm not that person anymore. I am here, like that's not that.
Speaker 1:And I I realize that it's an evolving journey and it's it's a wave and it's okay, and there's this sense of like, oh, I've arrived, but like we're still on the journey and there's no, necessarily like, necessarily like an arrival. You're just constantly leveling up and like in your training, as soon as you learn enough of the tools to get to 10, now you have to learn new ones to get to 11. You know what I mean? It's exactly what it's like, and I think in training for the Olympics, like, in a sense, like in life, we're training for you know life and a very big way, and you have to show up in that way. I'm curious in your evolution have you had moments where you've had to like fully unmasked, to be present not only in figure skating but just in life, and what was that process like for you?
Speaker 2:There's been quite a few times, but even recently, I kind of had what you were talking about a minute ago with. When I think of depression and anxiety and, you know, a depressive episode, I think of that darkest, worst time that it has to be like that, and I realized I believe it was in about February, maybe late January, after the devastating plane crash, with the victims figure skating, victims and their families that were closer to some of the victims and that I knew were more susceptible to, uh, developing some sort of, um, mental health crisis that I ignored my own Um, and it was such a unique thing that I hadn't really experienced before, which was whenever I had something that might've triggered a depressive episode or something. It was something that happened to me or something going on in my life. This was something that affected the entire community and even my like. The people I would go to for help were some of the people that were most impacted by this tragedy and, if anything, I was trying to make sure they were okay, because everyone went to them for help. They must be so overwhelmed. This is crazy. Like this is crazy, Like this is so much. I was worried about them and I didn't let myself feel and I didn't really acknowledge how I was feeling until weeks and weeks later and I was having a and I had been on this journey over the last couple months at that point where I was finding a lot of success and I was feeling really good because I was really taking care of myself had to acknowledge that I'm allowed to grieve and to feel like that, even though it might not be as extreme as someone else or as extreme as it's been in the past. I have to acknowledge that this is still the way that I feel and I need to take care of that and not neglect it.
Speaker 2:And later on I was very fortunate to be on tour with some of my figure skating teammates and spend a lot of time with them and it was really uplifting and encouraging and it felt like a family. It was such a devastating tragedy with so many beautiful, talented, incredible young athletes honestly the next generation and some of their coaches and it was something that hit everyone deeply. That also made us realize how small the community we really are and how close knit and to really appreciate each other. And it makes me want to connect with that younger generation even more and really try and inspire them. I know some of the victims, like one of them had a fan page for me they had just made and it was just I wish I could have like communicated with them more, and there's just so many things that were.
Speaker 2:I didn't let myself feel, because I was training for worlds, that eventually I had to acknowledge how I was feeling. I'm allowed to be upset, even though I'm not nearly as affected as you know, some other people. I'm allowed to grieve and I'm allowed to move forward. So that was, I feel, like a really important time in not just my life but many people's lives, due to the lives and souls we lost, and I'm really proud of how I've continued to fight and honor their memories with being able to train and try and make the games.
Speaker 1:It's so heartbreaking and you talk about taking care of yourself. What are ways that you take care of yourself on a deep level to show up and heal?
Speaker 2:Yeah, uh, being 25 and still figure skating is in the ladies singles division is not very common. Uh, I have to do a lot more recovery. I have to take care of myself, both physically and mentally, to a point to where you know, 17, 18 year olds don't really have to Um, they could. That'd be great for them, maybe extend their careers. I wish I did at 16, 17. Um, but I didn't.
Speaker 2:Um, but many things are just setting myself up for success. So making sure I take a hot Epsom salt bath and stretch, and then I love Normatec, which helps flush out all the lactic acid in my legs. I make sure I do my breathing meditation exercises at night. That I do. I have the app on my phone called Impulse that has me do like brain games every day. I try and make sure I take my dog for a nice long walk in the morning. There's so many things that I do to try and set myself up for success the next day so I can enjoy my training and enjoy what I'm doing, because I don't know how much longer I have left in this sport, just physically. So I want to enjoy every day and it's been something that's really important to me, especially these last like eight months.
Speaker 1:I'm so happy for you and you talk so much about neurotherapy and how it shifted you and changed your mentality emotionally, emotionally and physically. How has that particular form of therapy helped you on the ice and in your life and transform and be so aware of your body and what it needs and to really take care of yourself?
Speaker 2:Yeah, my sports psychologist had recommended it to me last spring. I last so in 2023,. That fall I had suffered a pretty severe concussion to where I was completely knocked out, like broke one of my orbital bones. I was out and I was. It wasn't my first severe concussion, but this time it was really really hard coming back Physically and mentally, but especially mentally.
Speaker 2:I was experiencing a amount of anxiety and intensity that I hadn't before. My heart rate was just constantly really high. I was constantly on alert because it was a collision on the ice that I did not see coming, so my body was just wanting to protect itself because it's like we can't do that again. That was horrible and I was just finding myself in fight or flight states over like oh, I don't know where I placed my phone and I'd start like crying and freaking out and I had never had that kind of anxiety before. So we were trying to find ways to combat that because it was also affecting me on the ice.
Speaker 2:Competitively. I'd get to about two minutes into a program and just kind of that mind body connection would be just gone and I'd be thinking all the right things. I'd be training and doing everything I could to try and not experience that, but it was because my adrenaline was so high for the first half and it would just tank. So we she talked to me about neurotherapy and I went and got evaluated and I've also been doing heart math, which is a breathing kind of meditative exercise, and I started off not knowing really what it was.
Speaker 2:Honestly, I don't know every single detail behind it, I just know what I do and how it works and for me, and pretty soon after starting, I really found myself coming down a bit. You know they use the example of I was in this fighter flight, I was driving and I had, you know, a brick on the gas pedal and I had no brakes and I was going as fast as I can I'm going to run out of gas, versus the second that you know there's a pebble in the road or something goes wrong. Something goes really wrong when you're going that fast and there's nothing you can do about it, versus if you're going like 55, you can kind of help and steer and you can press on the gas or on the brake, you can control it and bring it back. And that's what I was kind of trying to learn to do with my adrenaline and it not only helped me really connect with myself on the ice, but even off the ice.
Speaker 1:That's so interesting because obviously you need an adrenaline when you're competing. So how do you like, what are your cues to noticing the balance and how do you find the balance?
Speaker 2:Yeah, I mean, I am not a certified expert yet. I wish I was. I wish I had started this years ago after my first concussion in 2020,. But competition no matter what, but competition no matter what. I'm going to get adrenaline to some degree and my issue in the past was not being able to bring myself down after getting to that adrenaline excited state. So now what I'm trying to do is kind of let myself get to like an 80% and then, after the hard things are done, which is usually in the first like 45 seconds, to be able to bring myself down to like 75, 60 and really be present in that moment rather than just like go, go, go, go go ah, like you know, try hard, Uh, but being able to kind of ride the wave rather than just going up, up, up, up, up, up, up, up, up, up, up, up, up and down and crashing.
Speaker 2:But it all has come down to really breathing and being in tune with my body.
Speaker 1:And how does that crossover into your training and what is your? What is the typical day look like for you when you're training?
Speaker 2:Yeah, uh. So when I was younger, I used to be on the ice for hours and hours and hours and hours, like I'd be at the ring from 6am to 6pm. As I've gotten older and have stayed healthy, knock on wood. Oh, sorry, that was my dog. Um, thought that was someone at the door. No, it's okay. It's okay.
Speaker 2:I now only skate like two to three hours on the ice. I make every minute count and I either have a workout or neurotherapy every day of the week. So I also do physical therapy twice a week. I also do physical therapy twice a week. So I really focus on recovering and improving upon what I already have. I'm not trying to accomplish a new skill at this point. I'm just trying to gain consistency, and just every year you kind of go up and down when it comes to your cardio and how you're feeling. So just getting into good enough shape and getting that muscle memory in with those new programs is what I work on every day. But right now, yeah, just about two to three hours on the ice and then neuro or workout and then PT.
Speaker 1:And when thinking about your identity outside of the ice, how does that transfer into your personal life and the way that you show up for people and manage that equilibrium of balance and calmness and really listening to your body?
Speaker 2:I just try, and you're obviously going to notice when someone might be going through something when you're in the same vicinity as them, uh, and they know that they can come to me for any advice, which is great. They know that if they need me I'm available. Uh, or say we're like getting off the ice and they're upset. I can take like five minutes to just try and give a little bit of advice, but also not overstep uh, just hey, this is what I saw. I know you can do it. Just take this time to try and breathe and do X, y and Z. Um.
Speaker 2:So that's kind of how I try and show up for especially my training mates and people in my life. Um, and honestly I just I built the knowledge of people knowing that I will be there if they need it. Um, you know, someone forgot their tights. I usually have an extra pair because I've experienced going to a competition and forgetting my tights Just at this point. People know that they can come to me and they can depend on me, but I also make sure that I have a good boundary there to where I can still focus on myself, and what I need because that's something I've experienced before is I give and I give, and I give and I give, and I'm exhausted and I can't do stuff for myself. So I'm slowly have kind of found a good in between of trying to show up for others, but also for myself.
Speaker 1:And how do you find that boundary?
Speaker 2:It's hard. It's hard, I think, in the past when I've tried to help too much and at a certain point you can't help someone if they don't take that help or if they don't apply it. And you kind of have to, even though you don't want to see someone struggle, you kind of have to let them figure it out. You can help them move through that you know disappointment or that failure and be better from it. But sometimes it's kind of unavoidable, um so kind of learning from that or also knowing when it's something really serious to intervene on and when it's something that's just like, oh, that's just. You're're at that age where you got to learn or you know something that you can just try and lead by example. You don't necessarily always have to be completely involved. You just kind of, if you bring a good vibe, it'll kind of help just everyone.
Speaker 1:And I know you really like to pay it forward. Do you think you ever spend time with your inner child? Do you think part of that need to give forward and to give back is the part of your inner child that might be still healing or wanting to be?
Speaker 2:Oh, 100% it is. I want to treat others the way I wish I was treated when I was young, and that's just not how the times were back then. So I almost see my younger self in them and I want to help. But I also realize I need to not be a crutch at that point. I need to still just be a resource.
Speaker 1:And how old is your inner child?
Speaker 2:I'd say probably around nine or 10. That's like, kind of when things really got hard and I became like conscious and like knowing what was going on and like being competitive. And I'd say, before that age I had no fear, I just went and I competed and I enjoyed it and I was like, yeah, I'm awesome, I'm having such a good time, woo. And then came a point where I was trying to learn a double axle and that's kind of a a make or break it point in a lot of skaters and I was like, oh, this is really hard, I can't do it, and it took me years to do it.
Speaker 2:And I started having a little bit of fear, competition and notice that people around me are judging me, and not just the judges, but like everyday people are paying attention. And that's kind of when I started to have fear involved in performing rather than just enjoying it. And that's something I wish I could go back and help my younger self with. Um, just tell them like, hey, people are so, they're not, you're not their center of the world, like they have their own stuff going on. They do not care as much as you think they are. Like they're not judging as much as you think they are. I just thought what I did impacted everyone, um, just because it was so important to me, and that's just not reality.
Speaker 1:And what do you think she'd say to you? And what would you say back?
Speaker 2:Oh God, I don't think she should be like what are you talking about? I need to lay my dog on the axle, I know, I know. But ramming it into the ground and trying to the point of breaking isn't going to help you, and I wish I knew that. But I didn't know what breaking, like I was, I had never experienced that before. So I was like what do you mean? And then I started to. I was like, oh, okay, uh. So I wish I hadn't dug myself so deep into that hole that I couldn't get out of it. And it was very hard to get out of it. I wish I'd be like hey, calm down, stop, stop. I wish I could. But but yeah, I think that's probably why I want to help, but it's also I enjoy seeing them succeed. I enjoy seeing the happiness and accomplishments of these people that I really care about that's a really strong statement.
Speaker 1:That's really beautiful. Thank you for being so vulnerable. So what's like one question that no one ever asked you, that you wish you were asked? Oh my.
Speaker 2:God, I've been asked a lot of questions. Honestly, uh, and I'm trying to really establish and I was going to actually work on that this weekend was a question I get asked a lot that I want to really find a good answer to is what would you tell young athletes Like, what advice would you give to young athletes? Or like to your younger self? And every time I'm asked that I think of a million things, because there's so many things that I want to say because it's so different for so many people. Not one thing is going to apply to everyone. So I'm like okay, I want to come up with like two or three that apply to certain situations that I can give out and like repeat, because not everyone's going to hear this and I want to make sure that they.
Speaker 2:So there's so many and that's ADHD for you. There's so many things that I want to give my experience and life lessons that I know that I have done every wrong way there is to do and seen what that advice. But there's just so many things. So that's not necessarily a question I haven't been asked. It's a question I'm asked a lot that I want to find a better answer to. Yeah, I can't think of something that I wouldn't have been asked.
Speaker 1:Everything that I'm thinking of of, I think people have asked me so obviously you're very, very young 25 is young to ask this type of legacy question. But I'm curious in skating, what is one word like? If you could just like and like, just button up in one word what you want your legacy to be in skating, what would it be?
Speaker 2:Inspirational, and that's not always because you won something or you were the best of the best, but because of what I've overcome and how I'm trying to make the sport a better place for young athletes.
Speaker 1:Thank you so much for joining me today. I really appreciate you.
Speaker 2:Of course, thank you.
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