Mental Health, Body Image & Self-Worth (ft. Andrea Tamasi)

Healing doesn’t click into place one morning—it’s a loop. Old triggers, new tools, and a little more self-trust each time. In this episode, I sit down with Brooklyn-based creator and mental health advocate Andrea Tamasi for a candid conversation about rebuilding self-worth after growing up with body shame and carrying the quiet belief that love is conditional.

We get into the real-life experiences behind the content: how family comments around food and fitness can shape a child’s nervous system, what it actually looks like to start advocating for yourself without burning bridges, and why the feeling Andrea wants people to walk away with is simple—accepted. We also talk about her move from a small town to New York City, and how stepping into a bigger world can help you unlearn the limiting beliefs about who you’re allowed to be.

We also pull back the curtain on influencer life—the reality of going viral, the instability of brand deals, the pressure to always be “on,” and how to handle emotional boundaries when strangers trauma dump in your DMs. Andrea shares how she protects her energy while still guiding people toward resources, along with the small, practical tools that help her get through hard days. We dive into EMDR therapy, trauma healing, and the powerful shift that happens when you finally believe: it wasn’t my fault.

If this conversation resonated with you, it’s likely because you’re craving a more integrated approach to your mental health. That’s exactly why I’m building Fortify Wellness—a platform that brings together therapy, coaching, fitness, and mindfulness into one system designed to support your mind, body, and daily life.

Make sure you’re following along for updates on Fortify, and subscribe to the podcast for more honest conversations like this. And if someone came to mind while listening, send this to them—these are the conversations that matter most.

About Andrea
Andrea Tamasi is a Brooklyn-based content creator and mental health advocate whose digital platform has reached millions across TikTok and Instagram. She combines humor and candid storytelling to explore mental health, self-growth, and the complexities of modern life. Andrea’s work creates space for honest conversation, challenges stigma, and reminds others they’re not alone. She aims to be a voice for those who may not yet feel comfortable speaking openly about their mental health.

👉 Join our beta users ahead of our summer launch here: https://www.wefortifywellness.com/download-the-app

Transcript

Welcome To Fortify Wellness

SPEAKER_03 0:00

You're listening to the Fortify Wellness podcast. I'm Bettina Mahoney, founder of Fortify Wellness. This is season 11. I built Fortify after having to rebuild my life from burnout, from trauma, from feeling like I was holding it together on the outside, but not okay on the inside. Fortify connects you to the right support for your mind, body, and soul. Therapy, coaching, fitness, and meditation all in one place. Because most people don't need more content. They need the right support. So this podcast is where we talk about that. Real conversations, real tools, no fake positivity. Because if you're tired of just getting through the day and you actually want to feel better, you're in the right place. A quick note before we begin: this podcast isn't medical advice, but it is a space for real support. Season 11 starts now. Let's get into it. I am so excited to welcome our next guest, Andrea Tomasi, who is a Brooklyn-based content creator and mental health advocate whose digital platform has reached millions across Tech Talk and Instagram. She combines humor and candid storytelling to explore mental health, self-growth, and the complexities of modern life. Andrea's work creates space for honest conversation, challenges stigma, and reminds others they're not alone. She aims to be a voice for those who may not yet feel comfortable speaking openly about their mental health. I am so excited about this conversation. Let's get into it. Hi Andrea, thank you for joining me. How are you?

SPEAKER_01 1:42

Thank you so much for having me.

SPEAKER_03 1:44

I'm so excited that you're here and we won't share where we're from, but like I'm really excited that two people from the same small town moved to a big city and we're making stuff happen in our lives.

SPEAKER_01 1:55

I know it's awesome. I'm proud of us.

SPEAKER_03 1:58

Yes, yes. The inner child in us are healing, which is very, very cool.

SPEAKER_01 2:02

Seriously. Which we'll get into, I'm sure.

unknown 2:04

Yes.

SPEAKER_03 2:06

So what so I know obviously you had now have a big platform, but what I love with this podcast is we bring on people with those platforms and we just strip away all of their titles. So when you strip away all of your titles, influencer, dog mom, which I love, and daughter, who are you at your core right now?

SPEAKER_01 2:25

I think I'm just a human figuring it out. I like I really believe I'm just me. I'm someone who wakes up every day and is still trying to figure out life at 30 years old. And I think that's completely normal. Um, and it should be normal. And yeah, I think what it comes down to is I'm just I'm just human.

SPEAKER_03 2:46

And how do you now at this point in your life, after healing and being so open with who you are, how do you want people to feel around you? What's like the takeaway that you want people to feel?

SPEAKER_01 2:57

That's a great question. I I think accepted um and like worthy, because something I really, really struggled with for a while was like self-worth and feeling like I needed to be or look a certain way to be worthy of people's attention and time. So when I'm in a conversation with someone or when I meet someone new, I always want to just make sure that they feel seen and heard and um just accepted for exactly who they are. That's that's something I really believe in.

SPEAKER_03 3:26

I know we'll dive into this a little bit more, but when in your life have you not felt unseen and heard?

SPEAKER_01 3:33

For me, it goes back to childhood um and being like 10 years old and being, you know, a bigger bodied than most people in my class or like taller. Um, I was just like developing differently. And then throughout my life, I was always just I was, I've always been in like a bigger body, and that was felt so shameful for a while. And coming from a family who is all in pretty like amazing shape, I've always felt like the odd one out. And growing up, that was something that I really struggled with and now have grown to learn that like my family accepts me for who I am. And you know, anyone who doesn't accept me because of the way I look isn't someone I want to be around. Um, I really value people that care way more than a physical appearance.

SPEAKER_03 4:20

Absolutely. And I know a lot of people feel that way. I felt that way too. Yeah. Like having curves and being a young person. I grew up as a dancer and having like grown adults talk about my butt because it was a little bit bigger. You know, like all those little things can play such a huge role and you don't even realize it. And as a child, I'm learning through healing and in therapy that like as a child, we're not able to realize that not like it's not our fault. Like our body is not our fault, and we internalize it and it becomes kind of that self-talk that channels into our adulthood. Did you have people in your inner circle and your family that helped you navigate through those adversities?

SPEAKER_01 5:04

It's tough because I think in and I and I have no, I don't blame my parents. I don't, I don't we've we've worked through it a lot with like therapy and when I was in treatment, but you know, they thought the best thing for me when I was like overweight as a child was to try to get me into fitness and work with a trainer. And I was only like 10, 11 years old, and it really kind of messed with me. But after conversations and realizing how that can be damaging to a young child, we've come a long way in the sense where now, like, they know that I just want to be stronger. Um, because like the last year of my life I've kind of taken back my physical health. Um, because mental health and physical health obviously aligned, and like my physical health did plummet for a few years. And um, so now I feel like I'm in a much better place. But it all for me came from speaking up for myself and being like, hey, like when you say, let's go for a walk, my brain thinks, oh, you want me to go for a walk because I'm overweight and need to lose weight, instead of like, let's just do something together. And like those were conversations that had to be had. And now my family, I feel like, knows how I operate and we just all work together. I'm very lucky to be close with my family.

SPEAKER_03 6:15

And I think I think it's great that you're able to communicate those challenges that you've had with your family because I love my family, but I feel like to this day, there's certain things that I that I know they won't be able to receive. Certain things from my childhood. So that's a huge that that just says a lot about the closeness that you have with your family, that you're able to kind of navigate that, talk about that. How did they receive it? Was it tough for them?

SPEAKER_01 6:38

I think it was tough for for them to feel like I didn't feel worthy. My big thing in treatment and when we had family meetings was communicating to them that I felt like I wasn't worthy enough of like love and acceptance in the family until I was a certain size or ate a certain way or all this stuff. Um, and I think that they were shocked. And in turn, me seeing that made me realize they didn't really realize what they were doing either. And I think that's a great conversation too, is like some people don't realize how much of an impact their words have, especially around eating, food, fitness, all the things. Um, it can be so hard to navigate for some people, myself included.

SPEAKER_03 7:20

100%. Something that I I deal with as well, like feeling almost guilty. I'm on a cleanse right now and I have like my one cheat meal and I feel guilty when I go off of that. And I'm like, okay, I gotta run on the treadmill. Like it's so normal. And even if like people think that there's like a healing destination, it's a healing journey. Exactly. You don't wake up one day and you're just you're automatically healed. There's all these levels to it, you know? And I think it's it's important to honor like how far you've come. And I'm kind of wondering on social media, because you are so vulnerable and it's so hard to be that vulnerable, especially because you have such a huge following. Do you find that your community is supportive online? How do you navigate? I'm sure, like any anyone else, there's negative naysayers. Like, how do you navigate that through your journey?

SPEAKER_01 8:08

Yeah, I do have an amazing community. Um, it's it's just awesome. I love them and they've been really accepting of like who I am and just showing up how I am. But there are people who message me hurtful and and hateful things and comment it publicly. And honestly, I just block them. Um, sometimes I'll reply just to give them some perspective, but for the most part, I block them because it's like I don't want that negativity, and this is my platform, and I don't want the people who come to my page to feel like that's accepted because it's it's really not. I don't I I I can respect people having an opinion on what I do and what I post, and but it's so easy to just scroll by or unfollow me. Like it's so that's how I kind of deal with it. Um, there are moments though, like even yesterday got got a pretty bad one, and like it hurts for a second, and then I remind myself kind of how far I've come. Because you mentioned like healing, it never really ends, it's kind of like an ongoing journey, and I do feel way more healed than I was saying, like the depths of the darkness that I was in. But you know, I still have my days and moments and times.

Small Town Roots To City Freedom

SPEAKER_03 9:13

Absolutely, it's so normal. And I know we talked about this like before we came online, but I we both grew up in a small town. Yeah, I think in college, because I went to school in Massachusetts, I could not wait to move to New York City. Yeah. This thing is gonna heal me, getting the hell out of there. And the interesting thing is, I don't know if you found this, but moving into a big city, I was in New York City for about five years and I moved to Jersey City, which feels like a suburb compared to Midtown. I lived in Midtown for like five years in like Hell's Kitchen area. And moving to New York City, I thought, you know what, it's gonna be great, far away from the family. And then when you move to a big city, you grow because we grew up in a in kind of like a town where everyone's kind of at the same level. Do you know what I mean? Like same backgrounds. And I met poor people, super wealthy people, everything in between. And it gave me a lot of perspective as I started to grow my my company and things like that. And I learned being like sort of pushed into the world because I wasn't very seasoned. I was kind of like in this little bubble. I just gained a whole new perspective on myself and kind of like regained my power back. And then I would say a year or two ago, I started realizing when I would go home to visit, like I kind of like home. Yeah. I kind of missed being home. I missed the Boston accents, you know what I mean? Like I missed that whole thing.

SPEAKER_01 10:34

You start to like appreciate it more. And I was scared to move to New York City. Like I just really came for my brothers and like with content creation, I was like, oh, this will be good for me. But it's been the best thing for me. I think like the energy of the people is is really helping me. Um, and just like more opportunities, aligning for work. And it just, I am. I'm like a new, it's a new chapter for sure.

SPEAKER_03 10:59

And I'm curious, like, what parts of yourself moving here did you have to unlearn or unshed to step into who you are now? Because online, it like to me, you seem like you've grown into like such a whole new person, a whole new like seasoned version of yourself, your best version of yourself. So, what did you have to let go or get out of your own way to get into that place for you?

Going Viral And The Aftershock

SPEAKER_01 11:22

I think a lot of it comes with my inner work on like my self-worth and confidence and like reminding myself. Cause there's a lot of days where I'm like I go back and forth where I'm really hard on myself for like the body I'm in, and like not, you know, you go to New York and it's all these amazing, artistic, beautiful, creative people, and you're just reminded like there's so many different looking people in the world. And again, it always comes down to for me, like if someone is gonna look at me and my size and judge me for that, then I don't want to dumb in my life. And like I feel like when I'm in New York City, I do I just feel like free and like I can be myself, I can dress how I want to dress and um just like put myself out there to try new things. And I felt like when I was living in a small town and like my apartment wasn't really near anything, I just kind of felt like enclosed, and now I just feel like I can really be myself and who I've always known I could be, which is kind of just like I don't know, like I'm just growing and I'm um discovering myself more and more. It's awesome.

SPEAKER_03 12:29

I was so proud of you when I saw that your video, like the shut the fuck up video, went viral, like 40 million views. That was crazy. Because I know, like, we haven't spoken in such a long time, but we grew up in the same town, like we I feel like we were in like mutual circles, you know, like we weren't, but it was just it was really cool. I'm like, wait, I know her. That was so cool. Did you like obviously, like, no one can plan for that type of a viral moment? I'm assuming you didn't plan for that, you didn't think that was going to happen. Did that change you? Did it amplify where you were hopefully going? Did you have a plan to go into content creation? Or was it just like this went viral? I'm gonna ride the wave and and see where this takes me.

SPEAKER_01 13:12

I I would say, so I'm someone who's always liked to post online and have as have I've always been like, oh, I want to go viral, I want to go viral. But that morning, like I was just going into work and made a video like I always do, and that like little bit that like shut the fuck up stuff just came to me. And then I checked my phone at lunch and it was at like 20 million, and I was like, I was like, oh, it's happening. Like, so I didn't think my life was gonna like change overnight, but I was like, I wonder if I keep building off of this, what can happen? And then it was just hundreds and thousands of followers, and it does change your life because then I had like management team reach out to me who I'm still working with, and brand deals, and you do you get this attention that you're kind of like, whoa, this is really cool and fun. And for me, I've always felt like a creative, like I've always loved being like artsy and like painting and stuff, but also just like editing videos that like I love kind of seeing what does well and what doesn't. So when it took off, I was like, this is really cool. I wonder if I can kind of career switch switch. And now I'm at a point where like I've lately I've been interviewing for jobs in social media, which I personally think wouldn't happen if I didn't do what I did. Like I wouldn't have been reached out to by these people if my content didn't take off. So it's kind of cool. It did open up doors for me. Um, but in the moment, no, my life, I still went home. I still went to work the next day. Like, but it was pretty crazy how quickly that fire spread. Like it's lost.

SPEAKER_03 14:40

I I am sure it could have been also like really exciting and overwhelming at the same time. I know you're interviewing for jobs, and I hope they're going really well. I hope you but so where do you see your journey as far as like an influencer growing? Like, do you want to grow your personal brand? Are you like this is more of a side thing and I want to become more of like an influencer marketer? Like, where do you see yourself growing?

SPEAKER_01 15:03

So I do love my personal brand and want to keep growing on it. But since it can be something that isn't always sustainable and it depends on like what you bring in each month, I do want to try to make a career like elsewhere and do both. Um, and I think what's key for me is finding a job that's in social media, um, doing content creation, but in different ways for other people, which is what I'm looking for right now. And um, I mean, we'll see what happens, but I still want to grow my personal brand. Like I I just I dream very big and like I don't know where it'll lead me, but I do see myself, you know, I don't know, getting like invited to an event where I can speak on mental health or stuff like that. It just excites me because my biggest passion project is my my story, and I love sharing it.

SPEAKER_03 15:53

I love that you love sharing it, and that's that's I'm not an influencer, I have a background in influencer marketing, managers, managing creators, and building up Fortify my app after struggling with adversity. And I know how to tell personal brand stories because it's my background, but it's overwhelming. You know, my story is something that you know, you go to VCs to raise funding for an app, they're like, this is really uncomfortable, right? People don't know how to respond to trauma or experiences. And I found that the only way to break the stigma is by talking it through. And by talking it through, it builds this community, which is what you've done. You've broken down that wall, bringing people in to make people feel like they're a part of your circle and they making people feel like they're not alone. But it is tough to talk about your story. I'm kind of curious because obviously being an influencer, it's such a saturated market. It like not everyone are the Alex Earls of the world. Everyone wants to get that way, everyone wants to dream that way. And I think they should dream big, right? Why not? But in terms of like from the outside looking in, um, in terms of, you know, influencers, it can kind of look very glamorous. And obviously, month to month can be so different depending on the campaigns and the lineups and the seasons and all the things. So, what do you think both from the business side and on the personal side can be the heaviest behind the scenes as an influencer?

SPEAKER_01 17:20

I think the stress of wondering what you're gonna get, like in your inbox. Um, like my management team handles all admin stuff and pitching me, but I think influencer marketing is changing, and some people are realizing that they're spending all this money to hire influencers, and then the videos don't even really do that well because people can sense when it's an ad. And you've kind of seen the shift, like even with Coachella and like bringing all these people to like Poppy House and Lola Blankets and all stuff. It's just it's different levels. So I I don't consider myself in that level. And for me, I think like I was saying, the strong, the hardest thing is the month-to-month sustainability, so that's why I kind of feel like I'll start having more fun with it again when I do have a full-time job. Um, but yeah, I think I mean some months have been amazing and life-changing, and other months I'm like, oh, am I gonna get something this month? Um, but I think what it all comes down to for me is I've told myself this is gonna get you to your next space. It probably won't be like your forever, but I really believe that the next chapter I'm stepping into, it's only happening because of what I've done with content creation. It wasn't from teaching, it wasn't from administrative work at a manufacturing company. Like it's the work I've been putting in online. Um, and I think that it's gonna benefit me, fingers crossed. Hopefully, I know soon.

Self-Care When Nobody Is Watching

SPEAKER_03 18:41

I think it will. I think it will. And I think sharing your story like you have, I don't think people understand how, especially when you're on a a platform, it can be really challenging and it can be triggering. Yeah. Like I like, you know, when I'm talking to people about my brand and my origin story of overcoming an assault, like that's uncomfortable for people to listen to. But it is the founder story, it's the reality. And for you, you have you come from such a vulnerable place of talking about your recovery journey, which I'm sure can be triggering for you. And people can resonate so deeply with it. You know, when you're alone and when the cameras are away during the unstructured moments, how are you taking care of yourself? Because obviously, I think as women, we want to give, give, give to everyone else. I mean, look at this opportunity like I want to help other people. But how are you providing and giving the support to yourself in the meantime?

SPEAKER_01 19:38

This is such a good question. Um, it's hard and I don't have like an exact answer, but I think my my like at the top is I take life hour by hour, day by day, because when I start to feel myself getting anxious or depressed, I I do. I spiral a little bit and I worry, you know, am I gonna go back to that place? But then I remind myself how far I've come. And in those moments, sometimes I actually do create and put a video together because when I hear from my community and I get those messages being like, I went on a walk today because I saw you moving, or I went to an inpatient or outpatient because of you. I'm like, this is the difference that I want to make. I want people to feel seen because not everyone wants to talk about it. And I think people like me and you who are able to are actually changing lives because you make people feel less seen. I mean, more seen, sorry. So when I'm not doing well, I think I one, I really do. I lean on my family and my friends. Um, and just like I'm very open. Like if I have plans, I'm like, hey, kind of having like a depressive day. I'm gonna just hang in today. I actually it's very strange, it works for me, but I I do better when I'm alone and can just like go for a walk, be with my dog, um, take a nap, shower. My coping skills are very, very like little things that that's what works for me. And so yeah, I think behind the scenes, like I'm not this perfect person who has it all figured out. I think that every day is different. Last week I was really struggling. I think it might have been like hormonal related, which I'm gonna start learning more about. This week I feel great.

SPEAKER_03 21:19

So it's like it really did. Hey, by the way, I was feeling really depressed last week.

SPEAKER_01 21:24

And I didn't know if it was like my time of the month, but it's exactly it all factors in, which is like, and and again, like this morning I was on the treadmill and I was reading some messages, and this woman said that she went outside and like walked her dog on this long walk because of me. And I was like, that feels incredible. Like, like, even just one person, that's all that matters to me. So, yeah, that's the secret. I guess I'm still learning and struggling, but I'm just showing up every day as as I am.

SPEAKER_03 21:53

And I think that's really real. I think people that have these platforms, even like the coaches, like the you know, the the The household name coaches that we all know that we love to do that, you know, the let them. Even those people, they struggle, you know what I mean? Like last week I was feeling very depressed, and I remember talking to my therapist. I'm like, what's going on? Like, why am I feeling? And he's like, Have you tried taking a break? Like really, sometimes it's just like as simple as like, just take a break. And I did something super radical midday. I was like, you know what? I'm gonna take a break. I took a two-hour break in the middle of the day, and that felt like raging against the machine. And I turned on revenge. Uh-huh. And um, and I walked, and I and then after I just felt so much better. You took some time. I love that. I took some time. And like when you're just when I'm like working, working, working, working, working, and you know, trying like like a list like you have when you're trying to work on your house, you're like, I took my supplements and I worked out and I did the and then sometimes it's like it's very simple, like what you're talking about. You just like need to take a minute, yeah. And you have to kind of give your body what it needs. And I think it's really important for people like you that have that platform that's so open about mental health. Like, some days are not great days, and that's normal. It's cool, yeah, and it's a wave.

SPEAKER_01 23:10

Yeah, I'm a big advocate for taking the rest. And and even when you feel lazy, still take the rest because you might need it more than you think. Yeah, it's like nobody's talking to you. Yeah, yeah.

SPEAKER_03 23:21

And it's it's crazy that like that was as simple as it was.

SPEAKER_01 23:25

No, I I totally relate to that. Taking like an hour or two, you're like, okay, especially in these jobs where you do you're always on, like when you're running social media, building a business, like you are, like it's it never really stops.

SPEAKER_03 23:39

No, and there's no one giving you a gold star when you post and then you know you hit X amount of views per video, and then you get a video, and it's like it just keeps going, and it's so competitive. So you're kind of running against, you know, running in a race against yourself, trying to figure out like, okay, you know, exactly. But we know what happens because I have, you know, I've also gone inpatient back like many, many years ago, and after I struggled, and then outpatient. And, you know, I think I don't know if you feel this way, but I learned when I said I felt depressed, it took the power away. Before I learned about mental health more and how I think I was so afraid to say I'm depressed because I associated it with how I was many, many years ago, where I couldn't even get out of bed in the morning. Yeah. So I'm learning now, like it's not, it's not necessarily that level of depressed, you know. And I mentioned it when I brought on Kelsey Dura. My my I had a soul coach at the time, and she's like, I think, you know, because I was excessively cleaning. She's like, Do you wanna do you wanna say you're depressed, like you're feeling depressed? I'm like, no. I don't know the next day. I'm like, girl, Nicole, I think I'm depressed. I think I felt so much better, you know.

SPEAKER_01 24:54

Sometimes just naming it takes away like all the pressure inside.

SPEAKER_03 24:58

100%.

SPEAKER_01 24:59

100%.

SPEAKER_03 25:00

So a lot of what I'm building is something that is affordable for other people, where they can have a team of professionals to help them sustain for a long, a very sustainable, long-term, healthy life, essentially. And I'm always looking at what are the gaps? What are the things that you're dealing with on a day-to-day that you feel like even in a saturated wellness market that you don't necessarily have that you want more of?

SPEAKER_01 25:25

I think one thing that stuck out to me when you were speaking is like I was terrified. I thought if I started tracking my food and knowing kind of like what I was eating, that it was actually going to create disordered eating. But like it actually has, I've been doing it for like a little over a month and it's actually become like fun because I feel like I'm learning what's making me feel good. Whereas I would just kind of eat whatever before, which like wasn't wasn't helping me mentally or physically. Um, because I was like overeating or not eating enough, and and just like it affected my moods. So I think just like and I don't know exactly like what you're building, but just like the knowledge that some people might be terrified to like talk about nutrition like I was for years, but now I'm like, oh wait, this is actually a really important key in like the process. Um, and just like the healthy balance and like the non-judgmentalness, like this what you're building seems incredible because it's gonna be for everyone. And I think that people like like me who have been over overweight, obese, like all these things, it it you just want to feel seen in the fitness and health world, and you want to feel accepted. Like it really always comes back to acceptance for me. And like, um, I think that if you come at it from that angle, then you'll you'll reach more people a hundred percent.

SPEAKER_03 26:46

Yes. I it's so interesting you say that because I to this day I don't track my calories. Yeah, it doesn't work for I am you know I just started weighing myself and for a long time I didn't. I didn't do that for a while, too. So I understand like that's a very real thing where it's like, so what do you use?

SPEAKER_01 27:09

My fitness pal for your I actually hate that out because it would be in high school. So I use chronometer, which is a simple, but I just wanted to start fresh with something different.

SPEAKER_03 27:19

So, what do you think was the transformation for you in terms of like now you feel ready to to track?

SPEAKER_01 27:26

I have been working out now for over a year and like I feel myself getting stronger, but it's been a slower process. And I think there's days, like I said, where I wasn't eating enough or eating too much, and I didn't like how it was making me feel. And I kind of in the back of my head always knew that food ties into this. And just one day I was like, I'm gonna do this for myself, see if I like it. If I don't, uh I won't do it anymore. And I just really like it. Like I still am giving myself space to enjoy like a meal out with friends or like a drink or two, but during the week I'm pretty locked in and like it makes me feel really good. Um, and I never thought I would be the person saying that. So I think it just it depends on the person, but for me it's working.

SPEAKER_03 28:12

Yeah, I think I've been on a really strict diet with my boyfriend Jay, and it's been it was hard at first, but now I feel so much more energy. Yeah. Like I took out all the carbs, I I work out and I feel so good. And it feels so satisfying to learn what feels good in your body and what doesn't feel good in your body. You know what I mean?

SPEAKER_01 28:37

Exactly. Yeah, no, I completely agree.

SPEAKER_03 28:39

It completely um changes the game, at least for me. And I think it's again like very empowering to be able to take control over because I because I think when when there's disordered eating of any kind, I've had that in the past, it's because of control. So I think any type of control in a healthy way for me feels empowering and to learn what feels great, what doesn't feel great, listening. And again, it's an ever-evolving journey that we're all on together.

SPEAKER_01 29:08

Yeah, I completely agree. And I also firmly believe that like what works for you might not work for me, or what works for me what might not work for you. And I think once people get to that mindset and just do what works for them, like that's that's the best part of life. Like, just do what you need to do for you.

SPEAKER_03 29:23

Exactly. And I think it's it can be really tough as well, especially with such a saturated market within the influencer industry of having so many creators have the what I eat in a day, the aesthetics, the workouts. It can be, I'm sure, overwhelming to a lot of people. Do you feel the pressures online at all?

SPEAKER_01 29:46

Um, sometimes I do, and that's actually why I like to create like the type of fitness videos that I do, because I'm just showing like I'm doing this because it makes me feel good and I want to get stronger. It's really not about the number on the scale for me anymore. I just want to live a long life, which is amazing to say as someone like who once didn't want to be here. Um so for me, yeah, it just comes down to like I want to make I want people to see me like in the gym or see me making a healthy meal and think like, oh, like I can do that, do that too, or like I can feel good. I'm not trying to shove it down people's throats like you have to. I also just want to represent people that are plus size, and because a lot of the times when you see those aesthetic videos, it's it's someone that's like stick thin or or you know, and who knows if they if that's you know their body type or if they've worked for it, like you don't know what you're seeing online if if it's real or not. So I try to be as real as I can.

SPEAKER_03 30:46

And what has the response been for like your I know you do a lot of like storytime dinner content? Yeah, I thought it was a really interesting concept because you're kind of again breaking down that wall and bringing people in. What has the feedback been from your community?

SPEAKER_01 31:01

It's been it's been pretty good, you know. And those are videos that they they honestly haven't only like one of them went viral per se, but I like making them and and also off topic. But the second I stopped making videos to like try to go viral, the better I feel about creating content because I think it's not about going viral, it's about people seeing your content and feeling seen and heard. So dinner diaries to me was like a lot of people, you know, eat alone or feel alone, or you know, and I don't know, I just feel like some people have messaged me and been like, yeah, I've put up the video while I'm eating dinner and it feels like we're in a conversation, like just makes me feel really good. So it's a little feel-good series that that I truly enjoy. So it helps.

SPEAKER_03 31:44

And I'm curious, like, because you're always you're you're so vulnerable online. I found this within myself. And I kind of I've said this before, I've asked this question before, and I feel guilty asking this question, but I'm very, very curious because you're so mental health focused. Because I am also very mental health focused and I'm very open about my assault. I have found it's been very tough for me to set the boundary because a lot of people will trauma dump. Yes, yes, and I learned in that moment I could never be a therapist, but it's it's really, really tough because I have found that it it this was before I recently did EM, I started EMDR therapy, which is amazing for anyone.

SPEAKER_01 32:33

Yeah, yeah. It's so tough, by the way.

SPEAKER_03 32:37

It's like you need like a like 20 boxes of tissues, um, and I don't look forward to it, but it's the best thing I ever did. It's it's just but it takes a lot of guts. So I'm happy that you did it. It's it's but you know, until I did that, started that therapy. I started it like three months ago, so very recently. Um, I would, I don't know where you feel stress and you, I feel it in my chest. I would feel it in my chest and kind of shut down and come off a little cold because I'm like, okay, I'm Australia, you know, I'm Switzerland, I'm in the center here. I don't like, I'm not owning that, you know, and I've had to set some boundaries in order to protect myself. And it it I've actually shifted the way that I even talk about to my experience because it made me so uncomfortable with all of the the, you know, and I love it. I really do. I love that people feel comfortable, but it can feel overwhelming. I'm curious for you, like, how do you set that boundary for yourself?

SPEAKER_01 33:41

Yeah, it's it's definitely hard. And I do get a lot of DMs, so I can't see them all unfortunately. But when I do sort through some, some of them I I can't answer because I know that like it almost would almost be like more hurtful to answer because I just don't want to, I don't, I don't know, I can't be everyone's therapist, but like one thing I try to do is if someone asks where I went, I say, like, this is where I went, the website's super informative. Um, or like these are things that have worked for me, but I I can't, like you said, I can't be someone's therapist. So I think just like answering when I'm in the headspace that I that I can um and feel like I can give, but there's times where like I'm so drained that I can't give to them what they need. Um and I think like I I don't I tell myself that that's not mean to do because you do, you have to set boundaries in this world. Like it can't get too parasocial where people think they know you and like I want to be relatable, but I also want to you know be safe online because it can be scary, like people can get really invested. So um, and also that's another reason why I try to make things public. Like, you know, I did a mental health video on YouTube, like things that people can access where I explain certain things.

SPEAKER_03 35:03

And I want to kind of go back to EMDR because I didn't experience it too. So do you want to explain a little bit? I know we're both not therapists, but do you want to explain a little bit for people that don't know what it is?

SPEAKER_01 35:14

Yeah, for for me, the way it was described was like trauma therapy that you basically like revisit the trauma, but you you redefine it and like become able to handle it. And it's through like I held these like little palettes that vibrated and it would intensify when we were talking about the trauma. Um, and then just like another thing we did was created kind of a safe place for me to go in my mind. And it was really hard work and like you said, exhausting. Um, but I loved my therapists when I was in treatment, and she was like, I really think this will benefit you. And it did, it healed like a big part of my childhood trauma.

SPEAKER_03 35:54

I did the the eye following of like it is, and you can get so specific. So it's very specific moments in time. It's not just, for example, I don't know, food insecurities. It is very specific potholes of time. And this is this is crazy, but it, but it, I think it really helped me um sort of step into myself, which is, and this is crazy to admit, but since from 19 to now, I always thought that experience that I had was my fault.

SPEAKER_02 36:32

Yeah, no, it's it's just it's like no, that's a trauma response for sure.

SPEAKER_03 36:36

Yeah. And so having that experience and creating, as you mentioned, it's like a new belief about it. It's you you basically unlearn the limiting belief to build up, you know, a new refined belief about the experience so that it's not as sensitive when it comes up. And when I learned, you know, this this was not my fault, it changed the way that I view myself. I interact with people, and I view myself worth within with when as a result, it's like a domino effect where it's like you perform better interpersonally with your family and like in your business. And it really empowered me and gave me like a new way of viewing the world. And I think I show up differently. Um and also and how I developed you know the app. I it's as you just pointed out, it's life-changing. And I don't think actually many people know about it, which is crazy. I never heard of it until until then. And it's a very specific certification that you need to get, a very specific license that therapists. So not all therapists are even able to do it. Um, what did I'm kind of curious, like what did you and obviously not getting too specific, but like what did you have to unlearn about yourself that you maybe learned through that, through that work that that helped you kind of step into yourself?

SPEAKER_01 38:00

I think on unlearning um that like basically that my body is not a measure of my worth. And I had to unlearn that because from age 10 to 22, I really believed that I wasn't worthy of really anything because of the body I was living in. And like whether it's you know, attention from significant others or like family or even like friendships, always feeling like the bigger friend. I just always felt unworthy. And then there was things that happened like in my childhood related to to food and body image that I had to like realize was trauma. And then I think similar to what you said when someone told me, someone who has who only met me like a therapist, only met me to tell me like you are worthy and it's not your fault. It just you do, you break down and like realize that how much time has been spent telling yourself something that's not true. Um so so yeah, I I I um it was it just was life-changing for me. Like I left at the end of treatment with just this new perspective on myself and like you said, of others. Um and I do like I'm a big empath, and and there's just so much more to people than what you see on the surface.

SPEAKER_03 39:22

I agree. And thank you for sharing that with me. I know it's so it can be so hard to be so open.

SPEAKER_01 39:29

Yeah, no, it's really hard. Not many people know that too. I I'm an open book though, but like the the childhood stuff, like, and I think people also think trauma, trauma is like a spectrum. There's so many different forms of it, whether it's like verbal, physical, like all these things. And I didn't know that until someone really sat me down and and walked me through through it. Because a lot of my life I was like, what's wrong with me? Why do I think this way? Why am I depressed? Why am I anxious? And it took therapy to EMDR specifically to really break it down and be like, hey, like this is why.

SPEAKER_03 40:03

Yes. As children, we internalize everything and we can't separate, especially if it's a child parent relationship where the child is receiving information that is overwhelming, and we internalize it like this is our fault. And that's what we did as well. I thought, oh yes, I must be X, Y, and Z. Yeah. It actually wasn't the case. Yeah, it's crazy. It really is. And it's it's like, what is that movie with Robin Williams and Ben Affleck and Matt Damon? Where oh yeah, yes, that's how I describe the feeling when you hit when you hit like the fourth weather mark, and you're like now you're desensitized from it, and you hear like it wasn't your fault, and like that, like Robin Williams telling Matt Damon that, and Matt Damon's like collapsing to the ground. That was me. No, that's me.

SPEAKER_01 40:59

It's a it's a freeing feeling. Absolutely.

SPEAKER_03 41:02

Because I because I'm always thinking about that, like what parts of ourselves from our childhood in our inner child like hold us back, you know.

SPEAKER_01 41:11

A lot of people don't don't realize that how much is internalized.

SPEAKER_03 41:14

No, and it's so like I think we're so fortunate because we have access to you know, help and resources, and there's people that aren't. And that's just what I want for the next generation. I want people to get the support that they need because I lived so many years kind of depressed. Like my high school years, I was depressed, middle school, I was a little depressed. And I get it, you know, and it's just it's very eye-opening to be in a place where you're like, okay, well, I'm not like not every day is perfect, but I know it will get better. And I now have the resources and and the tools to to figure it out and to get through it. Every day is a chance for a do-over.

SPEAKER_01 41:54

Exactly.

SPEAKER_03 41:55

Every day is a new chance, and when you're young, you don't realize that you think everything which is understandable is the end of the world. It can't get better because you don't have the retrospect. So I that's what I'm hoping the takeaway is today is that people feel less alone. Yes, that's all what it's all about.

First Steps When You Feel Stuck

SPEAKER_01 42:12

Feeling seen and understood.

SPEAKER_03 42:14

And if you know someone listening is feeling stuck in their life right now, again, we're not, we're not doctors, we're not therapists, but mentally, emotionally, physically, they're stuck. What do you think is the first step that they should take to feel like their best selves?

SPEAKER_01 42:31

I think the first step, because a lot of people don't think internalize is telling someone you trust and just taking it step by step. It doesn't, I think sometimes people like think, oh, I I need to do X, Y, and Z, but it can really be as simple as going for like a long walk or you know, putting your phone down for an hour, just just little things. And I've always said this since I've started being open about my mental health is like it's okay to feel how you're feeling, and like I will be your voice while you're trying to find it because so many people need to hear that you can get on the other side. And I'm not saying like it'll go away. I still deal with anxiety and depression almost every day, but it's way different now that I know how to cope with it. So I think just tell yourself you can find your coping skills and and you will. Um, and unfortunately, like you kind of mentioned, is it can be expensive to get certain types of help, which is why I try to tell people that like, you know, there's hotlines that are free, there's groups that you can find, there's there are less expensive things um that that do happen. And Google can be like the best thing for it, just a quick Google search of like resources around you. But your life is worth living. And if I can leave you with anything today, I want it to be that.

SPEAKER_03 43:55

Yes, I think, and the other thing is I think like Validating your feelings that what you're feeling is normal and valid, and social media is not real. We love it. There's amazing parts of it that can make us, you know, come together and even learn new things, you know. But at the end of the day, people are struggling every day. Like we both said we were both struggling last week.

SPEAKER_01 44:21

I was like, oh my God, I was a complete mess. And then I but I did know I was like, I bet as time goes by, you're gonna trust time sometimes. And as it goes by, I felt I felt better today.

SPEAKER_03 44:31

So yes, that it was like the next day I felt better.

SPEAKER_01 44:34

Yeah.

SPEAKER_03 44:35

But but in the moment, it feels it's it's like you feel like all it's overwhelming.

SPEAKER_01 44:41

Like it's overwhelming, exactly.

SPEAKER_03 44:43

And I think if you if you can't not only like because I think like what I was struggling, I didn't know how to tag how I was feeling. So I think what you mentioned, which is like you know, looking at online resources, if you can find a therapist, if you have insurance that can cover it, I think is something that is really helpful because I think when you're working with people that love you, like your family, your friends, it can feel honestly kind of intimidating and they might not know how to support you in a way really.

SPEAKER_01 45:12

That's an amazing point. If you like, if you feel like you can't talk to your friends and family, finding a therapist in your network that you can because I've had so many different therapists and they've all helped me immensely. Talking to someone who doesn't know you and you get to like explain is just so freaking.

SPEAKER_03 45:29

Yes, yes, 100%. And I'm saying two therapists right now for two different things, EMDR and talk therapy, because they're very different. They offer different things, they are very different. Thank you. I know we went on quite a journey today.

SPEAKER_01 45:42

No, I loved it. This felt like therapy, actually. So thank you.

SPEAKER_03 45:46

Thank you for joining me. I appreciate you.

SPEAKER_01 45:48

Yeah, I appreciate you too.

Closing Reminder And Share Request

SPEAKER_03 45:49

Thank you so much for having me. As always, thank you so much for listening to this podcast. If this episode resonated with you, please follow us on all social media platforms. Our handle is A T F O R T I F Y Wellness. A T F O R T I F Y Wellness on IG and TikTok so you don't miss what's coming next. If someone came to mind while you were listening, send this episode to them because those are always the conversations that matter most. I'll see you in the next episode. And this is your reminder that you're not alone, and today is the day to fortify your life. See you soon.