072: Developing Assertiveness

What is assertiveness and how do I develop it in a healthy manner?

Assertiveness is the ability to say what you need, want, feel, or think in a positive, direct manner without being too aggressive or passive. Assertiveness allows healthy boundaries to be expressed and held. It also allows you to take others' feelings, thoughts, and position into account while holding your own feelings, thoughts, and positions as equal. 

How can my body language increase or decrease my assertiveness? TedTalk by Amy Cuddy = 2 minutes of a “high power pose” showed that testosterone increased 20% and cortisol decreased  25%. In the “low power pose” showed testosterone decreased 10% and cortisol increased 15%. 

The subtle difference between “Is this a bad time to talk?” and “Is this a good time to talk?”

How to be assertive asking for something you want? ie. a raise, a vacation, something new

Does a part of me avoid being assertive? Why?

Big 5 Aspect Scale Personality Test 

• Agreeableness: Compassion and Politeness
• Conscientiousness: Industriousness and Orderliness
• Extraversion: Enthusiasm and Assertiveness
• Neuroticism: Withdrawal and Volatility
• Openness: Intellect and Aesthetics

TOOLS:

Role Playing 

Meditation and Grounding Exercises

CBT Thought Reframing Techniques 

Positive Affirmations

Boundaries 

Broken Record ie “No, I can’t.” 

Some Benefits: improve self-compassion, reduce anxiety, enhance interpersonal relationships, increase accountability, and healthy boundaries.

Assertive = Clear, direct, and respectful.

Passive = Avoids conflict, sacrifices own needs.

Aggressive = Disrespectful, forceful, or hostile.

Truth Exercise from ‘Fight Right’ by the Gottmans