From Wounds to Wisdom (Previously the Mental-Hell Podcast)

From Fitness Model to Rock Bottom… and Back to Life | Derek Newborn’s Redemption Story

• Barbie Moreno • Season 3 • Episode 1

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Derek Newborn seemed to have it all — the body, the brand, the lifestyle. But behind the perfect Instagram posts was a life crumbling from childhood abandonment, toxic relationships, and self-sabotage. In this raw and inspiring interview, Derek shares his battle with narcissism, his breaking point, and how faith helped him rebuild his identity from the inside out.

💬 If you’ve ever felt trapped in a life that looks good on the outside but feels empty inside, this is your wake-up call.

📍 Chapters
00:00 – Introduction
01:25 – Derek’s “perfect” life in fitness and modeling
04:10 – The hidden wounds: abandonment and childhood trauma
08:45 – Stuck in a narcissistic cycle
13:20 – The breakdown and suicidal thoughts
17:55 – Turning point: discovering faith and purpose
22:40 – Shedding the image & finding true self
26:15 – Derek’s advice for breaking free
30:05 – Closing thoughts & resources

🔗 Resources & Links
 🎙 Subscribe to the podcast: [Spotify, Apple Podcast]
📸 Follow Derek Newborn: [Instagram link]
🌐 Learn more: [barbiemoreno.com]

Season 2
Unraveling the Mind: From Mental Struggles to Inner Strength.

Barbie Moreno:

Welcome back to From Wounds to Wisdom, the podcast where we turn life's hardest chapters into powerful transformations. Today's guest had it all the perfect body, the perfect brand, the perfect lie. Derek Newborn's life looked flawless, but the truth it was crumbling. Today, he exposes the pain behind the picture and the faith that saved him. If your life looks perfect but feels hollow, this episode's your wake-up call. Stay tuned. You're about to hear what it really takes to shed the image, face the pain and find you r true self.

Derek Newborn:

I would even say I had my dream life on the outside, but inside was completely dark and empty, because all I really cared about was making sure that Derek was never abandoned again. The mental hospital was the main turning point. I've been to rock bottom right as far as, like you can't get lower than trying to take your own life. Understanding that number one, I open my eyes. So I'm here for a reason.

Barbie Moreno:

God doesn't make mistakes, and so I just get curious about what that reason is this is from wounds to wisdom with barbie moreno real talk, deep healing and stories that turn pain into power. Let's dive in. Hi and welcome to the podcast from wounds to wisdom. This is your host, barbie Marino, and today's guest is Derek newborn, once named one of Florida's top personal trainers and a featured fitness model. On the outside he looked unstoppable, but behind the image was a man battling self sabotageotage, body shame, emotional numbness and spiritual emptiness A near fatal breakdown. Derek chose to dismantle the persona that was destroying him and rebuild from radical truth and spiritual integrity. Now he helps high achieving women heal from toxic relationships and emotional burnout, guiding them back to their God-given identity and emotional burnout, guiding them back to their God-given identity. This conversation is a powerful reminder no matter how far you've fallen, you can rise, reclaim and thrive. Thank you for being here, derek.

Derek Newborn:

Thank you for having me. I'm excited to be here.

Barbie Moreno:

From our conversation before. I know that you've got some stuff from your childhood and things like that. But I kind of wanted to like address the idea that people who seem to have it all on the outside right. They then it's like people look at you and you're like, really like what, how's life so hard for you? So can you talk to us about like what was going on on the inside after you're going through? You know your fitness model. You're doing all of these things. Everybody's looking at you.

Derek Newborn:

How does somebody like that have problems, and then probably you don't get a lot of sympathy, I would imagine yeah, well, like you said, on the outside I was living my dream life.

Derek Newborn:

I would even say I had my dream life on the outside In shape, model, even healthy relationship, all of that stuff but inside was completely dark and empty. And so the more I chased those external things whether it was a photo shoot, whether it was chasing another woman outside my relationship, trying to find something to make me feel just like baseline, feel worthy enough to exist the more I did that, the darker it got, because I was just creating more sabotage within my life. And given my external world, I knew that if I went to somebody I was like, hey, I'm struggling with this. Most people around me would be like what do you have to be upset or depressed about? And then that just knowing I couldn't do that just put such a huge burden on me. I really didn't know what to do. And at that point I was still unclear on why I was having these issues, why I was continuing to self-sabotage, because no matter what amount of self-sabotage, it didn't bring any relief, did you?

Barbie Moreno:

figure out the why.

Derek Newborn:

Yes, because I had childhood abandonment issues and so abandonment kind of showed up from a very early age all the way up to my mid-20s. And then after my mid-20s I subconsciously like that was my final straw and I just committed to making sure that I would never feel abandoned again. So then that was why, even though I had a great relationship, had a great career, everything was thriving I was still looking for external validation, because I felt like anybody close to me was going to leave me at some time because I had been shown. It really doesn't matter if you're a good person or not. People that you care about are going to leave. That's why I was exposed to a child. So that's lying, cheating, all of that stuff, because all I really cared about was making sure that Derek was never abandoned again.

Barbie Moreno:

And so, who abandoned you?

Derek Newborn:

A childhood. So it started off with my father being sent to prison, and then that kind of that obviously put my mom in the single mom seat, and so she had to navigate the best she could. So then that put me in other isolating events, whether it was like me sleeping outside the gate of the school before the sun come up, waiting for the maintenance man to let me come in, and then nobody wants to hang out with a kid that sleeps outside all the way up. And as my mom was trying to figure out her life and, um, she would get in new relationships, we would come home and like every piece of appliance and furniture would be gone, we wouldn't have anything and we'd sleep on the floor, no microwave or anything, and so we just had this reoccurring thing.

Derek Newborn:

And then the final straw was in my mid twenties I came home and my wife had taken everything much like I experienced as a child. My wife had taken everything much like I experienced as a child. So that, like subconsciously, was the straw that broke the camel's back where I just started making sure that I was never abandoned again. However, with all that self-sabotage, I literally created my greatest fear, because people can only put up with so much of that behavior before they're like. I got to walk away, so I created my own worst fear by trying so hard not to be abandoned. I actually created it in my life.

Barbie Moreno:

And that's very common, like a lot of people right Like we were drawn to what we know. We often create or manifest what we don't want, because it's so much in our mind that that's exactly what comes to us right. Don't want because it's so much in our mind that that's exactly what comes to us right.

Derek Newborn:

Yeah, yeah, yeah. We get delivered what's most saturated, not what we proclaim we want right.

Barbie Moreno:

Yeah, and so your journey, one of the things that you talk about is spirituality.

Derek Newborn:

So what does that mean to you? Spirituality? It means that we were put here with a specific intent and purpose, with our creators idea, and so spirituality means that version of us that was put on this earth never actually goes away. It's always there. Now we can try to run from it, we can put on costumes to disconnect from it, but it's always there, and that's usually if you're ever searching for healing or change or transformation. If you can return back to the person that was put on this earth as God intended, it will usually have all the healing answers answers for you.

Barbie Moreno:

When you were struggling. Was that part of your life or did you find that later?

Derek Newborn:

answers for you when you were struggling. Was that part of your life or did you find that later? No, I found that. I found that later. That came after after the suicide attempt, after some time in the mental hospital before I started rediscovering, heading that direction.

Barbie Moreno:

What brought the? I mean obviously your childhood sounded, you know, like it was like pretty traumatic. I mean you come home, there's nothing there. You have a wife then who does the exact same thing to you. What was the thing that pushed you to? I mean, I'm sure it wasn't one thing but accumulation, but what? What put you in that place where you're like I just can't do this anymore?

Derek Newborn:

It was. It was. It was really just looking around and seeing all the self-destruction and pain and hurt that I'd caused not only myself but everybody around me, including my immediate family, my girlfriend at the time, all of that stuff, because none of it made me feel better but I couldn't figure out why that would. That was my go-to and at that time I hadn't understood or reverse engineered the abandonment stuff yet. So it was kind of like me just looking around being like I've literally just destroyed everything that I've been given. I've been so fortunate I've caused so much hurt. It was was like I couldn't like stand, stand myself, like that version of me and I think the um, the depression and going back and forth was literally like my spirit saying let that version of you go. And.

Derek Newborn:

I just, you know, took it literally instead with the, with the suicide attempt, but it was. It was showing me you need to let this version of yourself go.

Barbie Moreno:

And was that that attempt? And then you know, proceeding that going into a mental hospital. Was that the turning point or did you struggle when you got out?

Derek Newborn:

The mental hospital was the main turning point. Um, and that's because, um, you know you don't you pretty much lose all ability to choose. You don't get to choose when you go to sleep, eat, whether you want to listen to music, whether you want to watch TV, whether you want to go outside, whatever it may be. And so it was just me and you get some crayons and some puzzles and some paper, but it kind of like there's no escaping myself. So it was almost like I got to reintroduce myself like two people meeting for the first time who don't like they had no intention to me, but they just got locked in a room together. So you might as well, you might as well learn about this person, have a conversation with them, and that's what got me pointed back towards the version that God, that God put here.

Barbie Moreno:

Interesting, because your dad went to prison, right, and then it seems like you created your own prison, so he was physically put into a prison and you were mentally put into a prison.

Derek Newborn:

Yeah, yeah, yeah. And it seems to be a theme within the bloodline, where we get the men in the bloodline, they get overwhelmed or whatever it may be, and they get themselves in situations and then they end up abandoning, um, but doing it on will like unknown, not on intention, right.

Derek Newborn:

So he was making whatever choice to make something better and end up abandoning me. I've was trying to do things better but end up abandoning me. I've was trying to do things better but ended up abandoning. So all this work has helped me be able to break that generational cycle.

Barbie Moreno:

I will say that so did he also have a a hard childhood.

Derek Newborn:

Yeah, His, his, his, um father would just leave without saying anything for like months, and then his father would just show back up Like he wasn't gone for three months. So there's all there's. There's been that trend, for sure.

Barbie Moreno:

And especially the abandonment right, Because that abandonment on his side happened to you. Do you have children?

Derek Newborn:

Yes, I have a son, and do you focus on being there because of that? Yep, for the first cause, I had him when I was um 16. I've been in his life this whole time, but I was starting to see him pick up the same kind of childhood stuff that I picked up and um. So for the past several years, I've been intentional about making sure he doesn't go down the same route that I did or didn't have.

Barbie Moreno:

this doesn't have the same experience that I did as a young, as a young man so I would imagine, since you had him at 16 and then you went through all this stuff on your own right, does he, do you guys have like a good relationship now, or does he hold that against you?

Derek Newborn:

no, we have. We have a great relationship now. We've always had a great relationship, um, but now he's getting to the point where he he's realizing that I'm only 16 years older than him and that I have some wisdom and I do want to help him. I'm just not out to make his life harder than it has to be. But yeah we have a great relationship.

Barbie Moreno:

And so is your mom still alive. Yep Do you have a relationship with her.

Derek Newborn:

Yeah, I have a great relationship with both my parents. My mom is I caused a lot of pain in her life when I was going through my dark times, and she has her own bouts with mental illness and depression. So it's kind of like the same thing with my son. I just create a new observation for her so that she doesn't have to worry about me or carry that burden any longer. So I'm just in the process of creating new observations for everybody around me.

Barbie Moreno:

So like my family has a bunch of mental illness right and I've gone through like my own depression, that's kind of where this podcast came from. And one thing that, like I kind of learned on my journey is there's this perception that mental illness is my journey is there's this perception that mental illness is biologically inherited. My view is that it's inherited through actions and you know the generational trauma, not necessarily biological on your journey. Like what do you? I just kind of interested in like your take on that.

Barbie Moreno:

As far as whether I think it's biology, like if it's you know, if there's actually like you know, you can inherit it and no matter what, you're kind of screwed because your parents have mental illness, or if it's actually more of like the trauma that's carried down.

Derek Newborn:

I think you inherit the generational trauma. Yeah, to an extent. Actually, not to an extent all the way, because I've been on both sides where I've you know. I told myself, and I believe, that I struggle with depression and I used to say like every morning I woke up, I know that depression is there, so I have to be proactive about it. And now it's more like I I I know I have the choice. I can choose depression where I can choose something else. Now I've been to the rock bottom, right as far like you can't get lower than trying to take your own life. So I'm not saying that it's not real. I'm saying, if you point yourself a different direction, back towards where you came, you can start to give yourself a choice instead of feeling like depression is the only thing that you, that you um have and the only thing that you live with.

Barbie Moreno:

I promise you there's another lane right next to depression, I promise, but yeah, I feel like you pick it up your trauma more, more than the trauma, yeah, yeah I think that they're discovering that in science now, like they've always said, it's something that you couldn't get rid of, like if your parents have it, you're gonna have it, and I think that they're finally coming to understand that it's not like actually like biology. It's because we continue to repeat this pattern of trauma, right?

Derek Newborn:

yeah, yeah, and I think you know, um, even though it was in my mom, it was somewhere before her too, right, and a lot of people aren't having like these conversations or doing doing this work, so we just kind of they just kind of pass it down without really knowing and then people who have that right, like depression or whatever the case may be, they think they're just doomed.

Barbie Moreno:

Like this is just something that, like I have, I can't help it. My family had it. Like it's just this doomsday thing where you're saying like I choose to choose something different.

Derek Newborn:

Yeah, yeah. Like literally the first thing I go to is just understanding that number one. I opened my eyes, so I'm here for a reason. Yeah. Right, god doesn't make mistakes, and so I just get curious about what that reason is yeah right can you do you mind explaining what your suicide attempt was like, what, what you did?

Derek Newborn:

um pretty much um suffocation with zip ties and plastic bags and so you meant it yeah, yeah. Yeah, it was just by god's grace that my mom just happened to show up because she felt like something was wrong I bet that was heartbreaking for both of you yeah, yeah, there's a lot of guilt and shame on my part for putting her through all that.

Barbie Moreno:

Yeah, for sure, for sure a lot of people will say they've had suicide attempts, but they I'm not saying like to discount their attempts, but their attempts they knew they were going to make it through that right yeah yeah, yeah. And that I mean that extreme means that you really meant not to make it through that, yeah, yeah yeah, it was.

Derek Newborn:

It was crazy because at that time I lived in a gated community so you had to, like, call me to get in, but she had just happened to drop by and it just so happened, completely random, that the gate was open yeah, so not random yeah, right, yeah totally not random, right yeah?

Barbie Moreno:

yeah, so where do you go from that going to a mental institute to being where you are today helping other people?

Derek Newborn:

So the first step out of rock bottom was looking around. Like I said, I caused, like all this pain and destruction, but also acknowledging that the common denominator and being abandoned and all this destruction was myself. Yeah, so if I was a common denominator, that means I had control over it, which means I still have control because I'm still here. So the first step was taking extreme ownership of everything. Once I was able to take ownership of the present, it gave me a little breathing room to start backtracking and that's how I discovered all those experiences of abandonment. It didn't excuse my behavior, but it gave me a little insight of like oh, this is, this piece of the puzzle fits here. And once I had ownership of that and I could start my own healing journey. There wasn't really any by anything that anyone could like, say or hold against me, because I already took a account board and had ownership of it and so I really started, obviously, my own personal journey.

Derek Newborn:

But being able to help the women that are the partners of essentially the type of person that I was whether very self-absorbed, narcissistic, unhealed trauma, whatever it may be, because if you're on the other end of it you're usually going to need therapy or healing or you have your own trauma and all that stuff. So that's how I started working with women directly is essentially helping the women that were on the other side, the people like me, and then I'm able to kind of not fast track but give them like a little backstage pass to help them understand that, like, whatever you experienced with them, it was there before you even showed up.

Barbie Moreno:

Because women do take that on right.

Derek Newborn:

Yeah.

Barbie Moreno:

Yeah, definitely.

Derek Newborn:

So I'm able to help them from that aspect.

Barbie Moreno:

There's a saying once a narcissist, always a narcissist. So like obviously, if you're helping women move through that and you seem like you're no longer a narcissist, right. I don't know you enough. How do we go from a mindset Because a narcissist is like everything's about them, right? No matter what they create everything to be 100% about them, and I would imagine your fitness journey was about your narcissism as well. There's control there. There's if I look good on the outside. Where did that come from, Do you think?

Derek Newborn:

The well. I will say that there's definitely different levels of narcissism. Yeah.

Derek Newborn:

I would have definitely called my narcissist during that time to the extent of lying and cheating and just saying whatever I needed to say to get what I wanted. No like physical abuse, no verbal abuse or anything of that, just people pleasing, telling everybody what they need to hear so I could get from them Complete disregard for their emotions and all of that stuff. Right, and so if you take the abandonment issues with the success and attention of a fitness model, it becomes like the perfect fire for narcissism, right? And I would say 99.9 of narcissists are created from childhood. Right, right.

Derek Newborn:

And so it was literally like the perfect storm of to fuel a narcissist. And also, right Again, narcissists aren't born, so people have to contribute to that, to keep fueling the narcissist which is another aspect of what I help women with, because they don't realize, you know, that they contribute to it by, you know, trying to find the good, or forgiving, or staying or saying, oh, we'll get through it, or whatever it may be Right. You can also start with narcissists where they just leave you alone or move on, or whatever it may be.

Barbie Moreno:

And if they're picking a narcissist, it's their own wounds, I would imagine.

Derek Newborn:

Yes.

Barbie Moreno:

Yeah. Yeah, right it's like all these wounded people. We're all wounded. We're all just going around wounding everybody else.

Derek Newborn:

Exactly exactly.

Barbie Moreno:

So I'm a woman and if I'm with a narcissist I'm currently not, but I have been in the past right, how do I come to you, and I'm talking about my narcissistic partner?

Derek Newborn:

What do you do for me? What's your goal?

Barbie Moreno:

To break free or just vent into me, or what well? Let's, let's play it both ways. Let's say I am glutton for punishment and I want to fix him.

Derek Newborn:

Okay, yeah okay, okay, do you? Well? First off, I would ask you what you're trying to fix in him specifically, and then whatever that answer is right is usually attached to your own wound that you're avoiding.

Barbie Moreno:

So let's say we go back to you. It sounds like mostly your narcissism was manipulation.

Derek Newborn:

Yeah.

Barbie Moreno:

So let's just say it's the same scenario.

Derek Newborn:

Okay. So yeah, he's doing a lot of lying and cheating. Right. And you're choosing to stick around.

Barbie Moreno:

Yeah, let's just say that okay, all right, what?

Derek Newborn:

and you're sticking around because you want to help them, or you want to save them, or you think you can fix them?

Barbie Moreno:

right. I have a savior complex right, but I don't know it yet okay, okay.

Derek Newborn:

Has there been um lying and cheating in your parents?

Barbie Moreno:

yeah, let's say, my might actually truthfully my dad. Okay, right yeah?

Derek Newborn:

and did your mom stick around or bail out?

Barbie Moreno:

he bailed, so she stuck around right. Yeah, okay all right.

Derek Newborn:

So then, if your father left from cheating at early age so that's what you're trying to avoid again is your partner partner leaving?

Barbie Moreno:

yep, and you're right. That's exactly you're trying to avoid again, is your partner leaving? Yeah, and you're right, that's exactly what happened right.

Derek Newborn:

He left at an early age, so then you're trying to fix it so that they don't leave. Yeah, and so essentially every time, all you're doing is essentially giving up yourself for the sake of others, because the last thing you spiritually ever want to experience is one of the closest people to you leaving goes back to it doesn't matter if they lie, it doesn't matter how many times they cheat. We're going to make this work.

Barbie Moreno:

I'm gonna fix them so it's my own version of abandonment right yes, and then and then.

Derek Newborn:

So you're dealing with that version of abandonment. Meanwhile, by you staying, you're pretty much telling me that my behavior is acceptable, so you're also validating me. So then I can validate my own stuff, and then now I don't ever have to face anything. So now you're doing both of us a disservice. So so now we're we're drowning each other.

Barbie Moreno:

So let's play the game that women do all the time. Well, you know, he does X, y and Z, he cheats and he manipulates. But he's really a good person, right, cause women will do that all day long, right? Like he does X and we excuse, we excuse it, and then we're like, but really, like people don't know, he's really a great person I would ask you if you believe that you're a good person uh, obviously not too much, right, if I'm sticking with it. Yeah, yeah. So how would you coach me?

Barbie Moreno:

based on that let's, let's say, based on that scenario yeah.

Derek Newborn:

so first thing I would have you do would you would write down all the negative things you say to yourself when things go wrong in the relationship, and then we would flip those to the exact opposite, because whatever negative things pop up in your head, they weren't there when you were put on this earth, so they had to come from somewhere.

Derek Newborn:

You didn't just make them up so we would flip them on the opposite. Because if we flip the negatives on the opposite, we can see where your natural gifts and beliefs formed, based on the positive. But we have to start with the negative, because everybody knows the negative and not the positive. And then you would start to see how many times you say these specific negative statements and you'd be able to see that whatever experience causes those negative statements is actually attached to that positive, to your gifts and your purpose. And then, once you start to learn that about yourself, then we'd be able to reverse engineer. When was the first time this belief showed up through time, working together, and you'd say, oh, seven years old, my dad went to jail. And then we go through the process of reintroducing you to seven-year-old Barbie.

Barbie Moreno:

So inner child work. Yeah, that's where we start with so in the meantime, I'm working with you, but I've decided to stay in this relationship. What happens?

Derek Newborn:

I mean with the narcissist, I'm working on he's probably gaslighting me, I would imagine uh, he's probably telling you to fire, fire me by now. Yeah, yeah, we have plenty. We have plenty of. We have plenty of women that are um in in relationships, because, again, it's the same thing. We focus on extreme ownership, so I'm not here to tell them what's right or wrong. I'm just here to help them get where they where they want to go.

Derek Newborn:

And the reality is like the more work you do, again those costumes become more and more uncomfortable. And so then you're giving your partner a new observation. You're really starting to show your partner your most authentic self, right, and so the beautiful thing is and it goes both ways the beautiful thing is they get to decide whether they want to be a part of that, whether they want to be a part of that. So they'll either reject it and you'll naturally feel that somebody is rejecting the most authentic version of you, so you're not going to like want to stick around for that or they'll be curious about this new version and start to dive into their own stuff based on the woman you're becoming.

Barbie Moreno:

How often does that happen?

Derek Newborn:

I would say it's about 50, 50.

Barbie Moreno:

That's good. I mean, those are pretty good odds, right.

Derek Newborn:

Yeah, yeah, and some women kind of do their work in private and not share it with their partner. Other women share it with their partner in hopes of their partner doing the same thing. But the best thing you can do for yourself and the partner is do the work.

Barbie Moreno:

Do you ever work with a partner the partner side of it, the male side of it? Yeah, Because you can understand where they're coming from.

Derek Newborn:

I can hit both sides. I can hit both sides but same thing I can help him, because usually they're quote unquote successful on the outside but have some guilt and shame and some stuff they're not proud of. And then I can meet them in that space, without having to tell them what's right or wrong or anything, and help them understand where it actually comes from. And then once they see it was from way back then, then they can give themselves some grace and now they want to be a better person, want to be a better partner, want to contribute more to the relationship instead of like trying to avoid it.

Barbie Moreno:

So you said you have a good relationship with both your parents. Do your parents own their past?

Derek Newborn:

Yes, yes, my mom, my mom does, yeah. And my dad, he still hasn't like apologized or anything, but he's one of those people that's, like you know, just happy and grateful, and you know, and to each his own. I'm not here to change him, that's like I said. I just take, I'm here to take ownership for what I can. I'm not going to let that hold back a loving, nurturing relationship with them. So I would say they do for the most part, but it sounds like you have forgiven everything.

Barbie Moreno:

Yeah, yeah, yeah. And do you teach people? Because one thing that I've noticed is that if you don't forgive, you can't move on.

Derek Newborn:

Yeah, forgiveness is a huge um thing and um, I have um in-person retreats each year and we go deep into forgiveness. I think a lot of times people don't understand what forgiveness is, because they think if they forgive somebody, it means reconciliation. Or if they forgive somebody, that means it erases the pain. Or if they forgive somebody, it that means it erases the pain. Or if they forgive somebody, it means we condone their behavior, right, and it doesn't obviously mean any of that right. The forgiveness is to set ourselves free, that we're no longer willing to carry these things with us, right? Or they think forgiveness means reconciliation. Right.

Derek Newborn:

Reconciliation takes two. Forgiveness only takes one right.

Derek Newborn:

Forgiveness doesn't doesn't eliminate the pain, but it definitely unforgiveness keeps you from healing from the pain and I also think like, as you heal, you begin to understand everybody else's journey right yeah, that's one, that's one of the greatest gifts of like the amount of grace and compassion and not taking things personal from other people, cause, like you said, we're all most of us, we're all just showing up with masks and costumes and wounds and trying to figure every everything out, right. So once you see that, you're like it's okay, I got, I hear you, I see where you're coming from.

Barbie Moreno:

I always call it a costume too. So, I like that. Like you know, analogy of the costume. Even my 11 year old son. He always says you know my costume, my costume, because he knows like this is not who he is Right, like this is just always showing up in this world, even if, like it is.

Derek Newborn:

He's way ahead of the game.

Barbie Moreno:

Well, he has me Not to toot my own horn. He's way ahead of the game for him. You know I have an older child and she was. She was with me as I was discovering myself. That's why I was asking your child right, because it's like as as they go on the journey, they get to see you transform and change your view, but they still got the old you.

Derek Newborn:

Yeah, that's very that's very true, that's very true. Yeah, yeah. And my, my son, he's seen both versions. He's seen the isolated, depressed version and he sees this version and he's starting to mirror, he's coming out of the old version that he observed, starting to lean into the new version version that must be satisfying for you it is, it is, it is what's your relationship now?

Barbie Moreno:

you said you have a girlfriend. How is that?

Derek Newborn:

yeah, yeah, my girlfriend, um, now we've been dating like seven or eight um months because for a while, after the healing rock bottom, I was solo and like isolated and thought I didn't deserve love and all that stuff. And now it's really. It's really freeing because because of my whole journey like no matter what happens with this relationship or relationships in general, knowing that nobody can um, um, it won't be because of lying or cheating or narcissism that the relationship ends if it doesn't, and so having that level of freedom with myself to be transparent and operate from honesty is something I think that's super rare and unique, because I don't have anything to hide and I've kind of done the work where most people get in the relationships and then try to do the work in the relationship where I can just kind of show up as as is.

Barbie Moreno:

And you're not, I would imagine, at this point not looking for her to solve your problems or feel it fill a need Right Cause oftentimes, the relationships and they're like oh, this person can like, like you know, fill this need that I'm like I'm lacking yeah, no, there's definitely no needs to be um built.

Derek Newborn:

I wasn't even like looking for a partner or a relationship, um and so there's. No, it's not like, like you said, it's not not a bandaid or anything. It's just simply because it adds value to my life and vice versa.

Barbie Moreno:

Nice, do you talk to your ex-wife?

Derek Newborn:

No.

Barbie Moreno:

Yeah, that's just a relationship, that's not gonna.

Derek Newborn:

Yeah.

Barbie Moreno:

Yeah, yeah. Yeah, I can understand that I don't talk to my ex either.

Derek Newborn:

Yeah.

Barbie Moreno:

Sometimes you just have to move on right.

Derek Newborn:

Yeah, there's not much to say.

Barbie Moreno:

Yeah, definitely, well, and they knew a different version of you, and so it's very hard to try to explain. I mean, obviously that person's not perfect either.

Derek Newborn:

Right.

Barbie Moreno:

But it's hard to explain, or when somebody knows something, that's what they, that's who they think you are for the most part Right. So oftentimes I found in this journey, even like the people who are still in your life, oftentimes still see you the way that you were, even if you transformed in many, many different ways Right.

Derek Newborn:

Yeah, yeah, yeah. I battled that for for a while, but even with my ex, who took the brunt of all that stuff, uh, apologized, explained to her the abandonment thing that you know I loved her, but the only thing I loved more than that was myself and not being abandoned, which did all that.

Derek Newborn:

And then I went about my healing journey right and it doesn't matter how much healing you do, that doesn't mean somebody's gonna forgive you or accept you back into their life. They have their own prerogative and that's what that's. You can always tell if with your healing journeys in the right place. Because some people are like I did all this stuff and they still won't accept me. I'm like right it's not about that acceptance.

Barbie Moreno:

It's about self-acceptance right yeah yeah, but that's a, that's a journey and that's part of it, right Cause I think in the beginning we want everybody to be like you want to be like doing all this work, give me attention, yeah.

Derek Newborn:

Right, I did that for a short time, for sure. I was like look at all this work I'm doing.

Barbie Moreno:

So what would you tell people? I know you specifically work with women obviously men too but specifically put that goal towards working with women. So what would you tell the women out there, like what is your wisdom? And just in general, yeah, I mean, you went through life, right, you had all these wounds you are now helping people.

Barbie Moreno:

So what wisdom can you just offer to our listeners that will be like I mean, I'm not putting you on the spot, but I am. But give us, like you know, something we can take away with. What have you learned Like? What can you share?

Derek Newborn:

So I have learned that and this goes for anybody it doesn't matter what the situation is, doesn't matter what you've done or what you've experienced. Every day that you open your eyes is a chance to make a choice, to make a change.

Barbie Moreno:

A chance to make a choice, to make a change. That's big right. That's big that's a huge opportunity.

Derek Newborn:

It's a huge opportunity Right and if you, if the moment you open your eyes, you think what choice can I make to make a change it? Doesn't have to be some grand thing. It can be something small, but you do have that opportunity. You wouldn't be here if you weren't meant to take that chance to make a choice, to make a change.

Barbie Moreno:

So the fact that you exist means that you have a chance every single day.

Derek Newborn:

There's an opportunity that you've been given, and so explore. Explore. That doesn't matter where you're at, whether you're in the mental hospital, whether you tried to kill yourself, whether you're in an abusive relationship. There's a choice.

Barbie Moreno:

When you say that my heart gets big, it's like you know. It's a reminder.

Derek Newborn:

Yeah.

Barbie Moreno:

Yeah, so people want to find you. How do we find you?

Derek Newborn:

Oh, you can go to Derek newborncom Um. Derek newborn on Instagram. Derek newborn on Facebook. I always recommend just shooting me a message on my social media. Keep it super message on my social media. Keep it super personal on there um. Shoot me a question or anything. We'll have a personable chat one-on-one um about whatever. Either way, it's the easiest way to connect with me. I like to keep it personal yeah, love that I should say informal informal and like.

Barbie Moreno:

There's so many people out there who, um, you know, they're not responding to their own chats and they've got, you know, people doing it for them and stuff.

Derek Newborn:

So I promise it's me, it's you. Yeah, I promise it's me.

Barbie Moreno:

Well, thank you for offering your um gift to the world.

Derek Newborn:

Thank you for having me. I appreciate it. It was great Convo.

Barbie Moreno:

Yeah, it's fun. It's always fun seeing where it goes right Convo. Yeah, it's fun.

Derek Newborn:

It's always fun seeing where it goes right.

Barbie Moreno:

Yeah, I like it that way. Good, well, I will put all of your info in our description. So, if they didn't catch your website or didn't catch your Instagram or whatever, people can reach out to you, and I'm sure that you made a difference in somebody's life today.

Derek Newborn:

Thank you so much and thanks for having me again. I really appreciate it.

Barbie Moreno:

Of course, grateful. Thank you If this story spoke to you. Let's keep the healing going. Visit barbie morenocom for my online course awakening your worth and healing, energy sessions, one-on-one coaching and your free healing guide. Your next step is waiting.

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Barbie Moreno

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