Let's Get Curious with Replenishing Soul

Episode #8- Egg Freezing, Labor & Lessons: Dorothy's Birth Story

• Lori & Dorothy • Episode 8

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In this month's podcast episode Dorothy shares her journey to motherhood. She discusses her decision to freeze her eggs in her late thirties so she could have a sense of control of her fertility when and if she decided to get pregnant in the future. She shares about a moment she connects with the soul of her son the month she becomes pregnant. She takes us through her 43 hour labor (yes, you read that right) and the birth plan she envisioned, which ended up being the complete opposite of what actually happened. Dorothy reveals the lessons she learned, the biggest one being no matter how much you want to control and plan your life, sometimes the best plan you can have is to be prepared for no plan.

Join us for an insightful episode as Dorothy reflects on her path to becoming a mother and her marathon labor that ended with Dorothy pushing through an entire soccer game and soon afterwards meeting her baby boy.

Disclaimer:

The information shared on this podcast is for informational purposes only and is based on the opinions and experience of Lori Dorothy and their guests. The content should not be used as a substitute for professional medical advice. Diagnosis or a treatment. Always seek the advice of your healthcare provider with any questions you may have regarding a medical condition. Never disregard professional medical advice or delay in seeking it because of something you heard on this podcast         

Welcome to let's get curious. The podcast for women and mothers seeking connection, support, and inspiration. We are friends, mothers, and therapists. Laurie, a physical therapist and Dorothy, a speech and language therapist. Together. We share our personal stories, including IVF birth experiences and navigating children's learning difficulties. Through our discussions, we uncover profound lessons for personal growth. Join us on this journey of curiosity, compassion and empowerment. Welcome to let's. Get curious

Lori:

Hello everyone, Dorothy and I, we are back and today we are going to be sharing Dorothy's birth story. So Deedee,

Dorothy:

All right. So, um, my road to motherhood actually started when I was in my late thirties. I had just gotten out of a five year relationship and found myself 37 and single. And just really started thinking about, Having children and what could look like and, you know, I, at that point, I really didn't know if I actually wanted to have children, but I knew that I wanted to have the option if and when the time was right. And if I found that special someone and we decided to do that. So I went down the path of looking into freezing my eggs. and ended up going with, the same fertility doctor that you had gone to, um, just cause you had such a great experience. And I also realized that, I didn't know this until I started doing the research that not all doctors are the same. Uh, so even with a specialty like fertility doctors, I found that their testing was different, their procedures were different. There's so much difference in, in the process. So for anyone listening who's thinking about freezing their eggs, definitely do your research because not all fertility doctors are the same. And what I really like, I mean, there was so much I liked about, where, where you and I both went, Lori, but, um, there was one test that he ran that no one else did that I thought was kind of shocking. And it was called, um, it was simple blood test and it looked at your AMH, which was your anti malarian hormone. And that's a hormone that's made by your ovaries. And it kind of gives you an idea as to your egg count or how. close you are to menopause. So the higher your AMH, the greater your chances are of becoming pregnant. And I think this is such a super important test to run. So it shocked me that when I spoke to other, you know, female friends that were going through the same process at different clinics, they never ran that test. Isn't that kind of shocking?

Lori:

Mm. Yes. Yes. Well, I mean, it tells you, it's a very simple test that gives you a

Dorothy:

right. And then I mean, you know, and then you just go down the path of like, shouldn't we all, if you're, if you're someone who's thinking about getting pregnant, shouldn't they be running this test at your yearly appointments anyway, just to see where you are down that path? But that's a whole different other conversation. Um, but yeah, it just shocks me that It's not a standard thing. So luckily my AMH was great and I had a high ed count. and things were looking good, but I, you know, I, I decided to freeze my eggs and I ended up getting, uh, they wanted 20. So I had to do two cycles. So the first cycle, I think I got like 10, 12. No, I don't remember what I got something under twenties. I, I, it was.

Lori:

You were high. Yeah, you were high.

Dorothy:

10 the first time and maybe like 17 this, I know the second time I, way more like almost double. Yeah. And then the doctor was like, Oh my gosh, this is so high. The interesting thing about that, is that when I froze my eggs the first round, I was still in that relationship. And I was still in that long term relationship where I realized it wasn't going anywhere and I needed to do something about, planning for motherhood. So I, I got, I think it was 10 and then I ended the relationship and some time had to pass before I could do another round. So I think it was like three or four months later. And I got almost double the eggs after. So I think that was really interesting too. So I froze my eggs and I put them in a bank in Nevada. So another thing about egg freezing is that you have to choose where you're going to store them. So, um, Um, that's a whole other different path, but you need to do your research on, um, where you want to keep your eggs and how much they cost and what, you know, what that looks like. Um, because I, up until recently I was paying yearly fees. I held onto my eggs until I was 48 years old because I was not, you know, I didn't want to part with them. It was hard. Um, so anyhow, so

Lori:

Mm-Hmm.

Dorothy:

So then I froze my eggs and I felt this huge weight just completely come off my shoulders. I didn't realize how stressed out I, I was about it. Um, until I did it. And then afterwards I was like, wow, I feel like I can actually breathe. I feel like I can just kind of like let this go and then just focus on living my life. And if the right person comes along and you know that it works out, then I have this option. and then seven months later, on, Mother's Day, of all days, I went out on my first date with my special someone, a year after that, he proposed and we got engaged. And at that time I had just turned 40. So I'm engaged. Everything's great. And I'm thinking, all right, I'm planning a wedding. But we're having this conversation of like, yeah, we both want to have kids and I'm turning 40. So I think we should probably start trying while we're planning the wedding because God knows how long it's going to take to get pregnant. You know, it could be years. Um, so we started trying and then, um, I, I remember it was three months after we started trying. I was driving down Geary Street in San Francisco, towards the ocean and it was the afternoon, the sun was setting and I was high enough where I could see like the water and the sun was, the sunset was beautiful. It was a rare clear day in San Francisco. And I remember just connecting to the universe, to the soul of my child and just Just saying, like, I'm ready. You can come. I'm ready for you. Just come, come to me. I'm, I'm ready. It's time. And then I remember feeling, this knowing of, like, it's not gonna be all roses and sunshine, Dorothy. This child is going to have needs. Um, neurodiverse, and it's gonna be nothing that you can't handle, but there's going to be struggle. Are you ready? It was that kind of feeling. And I remember out loud saying, I'm ready. I can do this. I'm ready. You can come. And that was the month I got pregnant. Mm hmm. Mm hmm. I know, I know.

Lori:

Mm hmm.

Dorothy:

then I remember, I had not known that I was pregnant yet and I don't know if you remember this Lori, but I had plans to come to your house and you're like, look, Dorothy, you just need to try on my wedding dress just to, so we can see, let's just look at, let's just have you try my wedding dress and it'll be just fun, right? And I was so tired and I was so like, And I was like, no, I don't want to try the dress on. You're like, come on, let's just try the dress. And I'm like, oh my God, why am I so tired? And then you must've been like, what is wrong with this girl? Like, why won't you put the damn dress on?

Lori:

I vaguely remember this story. It's like, it's kind of coming

Dorothy:

like, I'm just, I don't feel like it. Like I had, it was just so unlike me because typically I'm happy and chipper and like, yeah, I try it on some wedding dresses and like, whatever, like it's a great idea, but I had no desire to try that dress on, to even really like interact, all I wanted to do was to go to sleep. And then I was driving home and I was thinking to myself, like, what is wrong with me? Like, this is so unlike me. And I went to bed at like eight o'clock at night and I woke up the next morning and I'm like, I got to take a test. Cause this is not right. Let me take a test. And yeah, it was positive. Yeah, And a lot of people, you know said to me after the fact like see I told you you'd get pregnant Why did you spend all that money? Because it wasn't cheap at the time. This was Like 12 years ago. It was like 24, 000 to freeze my eggs and, you know, a speech pathologist in San Francisco does not make that much money. So it was a big chunk of change, but you know, I've said to everyone who's asked, I would, if I had it to do over again, I wouldn't do anything differently. Because. I don't know what mindset I would have been in if I didn't have those eggs. I would definitely have been worrying and thinking about it. And I don't know, I don't know if I would have attracted my son's dad. I don't know if I would have gotten pregnant so quickly. Um, because I wasn't worried about it. Like trying was just fun. And, you know, I, I, Yeah, I just, I, I don't know

Lori:

It bought you security, right? It bought you security.

Dorothy:

absolutely, so. I'm so glad that I did it and, I, I do it over again, exactly the way it happened. So all right, back to my story. Um, so I'm pregnant, the pregnancy went fine, um, you know, nothing to complain about. I was really lucky. I didn't have any complications. I felt, you know, like your typical tired, you know, whatever, my hair looked great. second trimester like it's supposed to. Very shiny. Yes, yes. They don't tell you that all that thick shiny hair that you're not losing all comes out three months after your baby's born and you think you're dying.

Lori:

yes. I remember standing in the shower, just clumps of it coming out into my hand. I'm thinking, oh my god, what am I sick with? Yeah. Yeah.

Dorothy:

you telling me that like, Dorothy, be prepared. This is going to happen. Do not panic. And even though I knew, I was like, Oh my God, I feel like half my head is in like, and hair is like in the, it's

Lori:

scary amounts. Yes, it is scary amounts. Scary amounts of hair that, that fall out post,

Dorothy:

And then I remember taking a picture of the clump and I'm like, Lori, is this a normal amount? I know you told me this is going to happen, but this doesn't feel right. This does not feel right. Oh, yes,

Lori:

back, yes, totally normal and sad. Cry, cry.

Dorothy:

And you know, the funny thing is, and we've had this conversation in a recent podcast that we, we just recorded regarding, um, menopause. But the crazy thing is that the doctor did not tell me this. Like you'd think that this would come up in an appointment, like, by the way, expect to be drenched in sweat at night because your hormones are, you know, are, are fluctuating and expect to lose. crazy amount of hair will, it will make you panic three months in, but do you know, do you know who knew

Lori:

Right.

Dorothy:

So I, right. So I went to the hairdresser, he's like, Oh, yeah, absolutely. Like three months in, right? You lost it at three months. I'm like, so I go, Jason, will you please tell every expectant mother when you cut their hair to expect this because the OBs, we can't trust, we can't trust the OBs to share this information. Get it from your hairdresser.

Lori:

No.

Dorothy:

Oh God.

Lori:

Very true. Very true. Oh my God. I know. Okay. But you are pregnant. You are pregnant with,

Dorothy:

Yes.

Lori:

your baby boy and your pregnancy is going nice and smooth.

Dorothy:

great. I had a birth plan. No pitocin, no epidural, natural, um, you know, the things. And then it was the day after my due date that my water broke at like two o'clock in the morning. And because my water broke, they made me go into the hospital. So like my, my contractions hadn't started. I was feeling totally fine, but they're like, yeah, your water broke. So there's a higher chance of like, what is it? Infection? If the baby poops or something, whatever.

Lori:

Mm hmm.

Dorothy:

so they had me go in. I walk in, I am pain free, contraction free. Just, you know, stroll in and get into the room and then the nurse walks in, probably within like 10 minutes and she's like, Alright, so I'm setting you up with Pitocin and getting you ready for an epidural. And I'm like, what?

Lori:

Did you not read my birth

Dorothy:

So, A, did you not read my birth plan? And B, I am asymptomatic. Like, I have nothing going on. Why do I need Pitocin? Why do I need an epidural? I am not in pain. so I'm like, no thank you. And I, you know, and I get it. Eventually I did need all of that. And I get why they do it, because I'm sure a lot of women do eventually need to go down that path. But it's kind of, I don't know, scary when you're walking in and they're making decisions for you, you know, without even a conversation, but

Lori:

Right. Mm hmm.

Dorothy:

of those things later. Um, so anyhow, so I denied that. And then, the contraction slowly started and 19 hours in. into my labor, which was really painful. I was having back labor. So it's like a whole different level of pain. I couldn't talk through contractions. It just hurts so much. 19 hours in, they checked me and I was not dilated at Oh, Uh, now let's go back to your birth story. 19 hours in your babies had been like in the world for five hours. So jealous.

Lori:

Yeah. But that was, but you know, you and I say this though all the time, it's like I had trouble getting pregnant and my birth went smooth. You had no problem getting pregnant and you had a challenging birth. Right. It's just, yeah. It's every, it's just, yeah. There, there's no, there's no right or wrong or reason to, you know,

Dorothy:

abs,

Lori:

things happen the way they do,

Dorothy:

19

Lori:

yeah. 19 hours. Oh my

Dorothy:

zero. And my doctor's like, Dorothy, this could be another whole day and you need the energy to push. So I highly recommend that you get an epidural so you can sleep tonight because tomorrow you will be pushing and it might be. Like again like 24 hours from now and it was it actually was that was seven o'clock at night And I didn't start pushing till 24 hours after that So there's no way I would have ended up getting a c section if I hadn't made that choice So which I really wanted to avoid Um, so, they gave me the epidural, I rested as much as I could, and then, 24 hours later at 7pm is when I started pushing. And my doctor, was like, oh, this is gonna be a while, so I have this dinner thing that I need to go to, and doctor, so and so might like take over or if they need me, they'll call me or something. I, at this point, I don't even exactly remember what you said because I was so tired. So I started pushing at the beginning of the America's Cup. The U. S. was playing Argentina. It was a big deal because, you know, my son,

Lori:

And you're how many hours in at this point?

Dorothy:

30, 39.

Lori:

39. 39 hours. Oh my God. And I remember texting, you know, you and I were, of course, we're texting each other. And um, I think I, there was at one point where I, you obviously were, you know, not feeling well. And then, um, Didn't you and I have like a text thread, DeeDee, where you ended up like saying that you feel great considering you're like paralyzed from like the waist down now?

Dorothy:

No, cuz you're like I'm like I'm nine and a half centimeters dilated or nine whatever and then you're like

Lori:

And this was hours and hours in, you know,

Dorothy:

and then you're like, you're like enjoy your last moments of freedom and I'm like, I don't know how much I can do I'm paralyzed from the waist down, but I'll do my best Cuz yeah if you get an epidural you cannot feel your body from the waist down Which I actually didn't know that either like I didn't know I would be so so paralyzed Like I didn't know it would be like my legs. Yeah. Yeah.

Lori:

No, you are. Yeah, no, no sensations of anything, no movement, no sensations of anything, um, which is, I mean, obviously great in one way when you're, you know, having those labor pains, but it gives you a bit of a challenge when it then

Dorothy:

Yes.

Lori:

because you can't really tell how hard you're, how hard you're pushing. But I knew when I, you know, did not get a text back from you that I knew that you were then into, you know, your, your active. Irreactive pushing. But I did not know it was during the entire

Dorothy:

was during the,

Lori:

Ha ha

Dorothy:

pushing at the beginning of the America's Cup hours later, you know, the America's Cup finished and I was still pushing. I was pushing for four hours. So my son wasn't born until like 11, 18. So I actually pushed a bit over.

Lori:

And this was like 48 hours later, right? 48

Dorothy:

thing from beginning 10 was 43 hours. Yeah. And, the doctor ended up finishing her dinner thing and then came back into work and again, I was so out of it that I don't. I don't remember the details, but I remember her walking into the room fully expecting me to have a baby in my arms. And she walks in and she's like, Oh my God, you're still pushing? And then all of a sudden it went from this like, let's just keep doing the same thing over and over and over again. Because literally, like, isn't that the definition of insanity? Where it's like doing the same thing over and over and expecting a different result. That was me. Because he wasn't, he was. Coming, like, the way he was positioned, his head was, like, crooked, so, I, I could be pushing today still, like, he would have never come out, if there wasn't intervention, but, for some reason, the person helping me thought that it was. wise to just keep going. Um, so she came in and she was like panicked, like, Oh my God, we, you know, he's still not born yet. Oh my gosh. Like, let's do this. And you know, episiotomy vacuum push as hard as you can, or we're taking you down for a C section because he's been in there too long. And a few pushes later he was out and thank God, like he was okay and everything was fine, but Yeah. It was a long time. Mm hmm.

Lori:

Oh, my

Dorothy:

It was a long time. And I, I remember they put him on my chest and I was holding him and I, I was so tired that I couldn't, I'd almost felt like it wasn't real. Like I remember saying to the nurse, like, I see you there, but you really don't feel like you're there. Like I was,

Lori:

Yeah, you're probably so out of your body after 48 hours of labor and pushing and

Dorothy:

Yeah. Yeah. Yeah. Anyone who is thinking about having a child, I highly recommend to get a doula or a support person to help you through that and to help you make decisions because you get to that point where you're just so tired that you just, I don't know, you, you, you're just not thinking straight. I mean, now in retrospect, I'm like, why was I pushing for four hours? It like, if, my identical twin who was standing next to me saw this. Dorothy would be like, what are you doing? It's been an hour. Let's do something else. But, and of course my partner was like, oh my gosh, go Argentina, go USA. I don't know who to vote for, who to root for. I mean, he had no clue, you know, like no one in there was like, something is wrong. Let's do something different. So please hire a doula. Please just,

Lori:

Well, even the, even the nurses that you were left to be under the care, I mean, they just kept repeating the same process. Right. So

Dorothy:

don't know.

Lori:

yeah. Which is kind of, yeah. Very interesting that that

Dorothy:

Yeah. Yeah, and then, you know, and the other thing, like we go back to talking about just not having the information, which is why you and I do this podcast, just to share the things that should have been told to us, but they weren't, is no one ever mentioned what happens when your baby is in the birth canal for four hours, and you're pushing for four hours, and that equals a uterine prolapse. Right. Which is what I ended up having. And that's a whole other podcast and a whole other thing, but, never once did someone explain to me like you have a lot, he was eight and a half pounds. So you have a very large baby that will be, you know, that's been sitting in your birth canal for four hours. And there are consequences to these choices that you will have to endure after the fact, you know? So,

Lori:

Yeah, well, and again, the fact that you couldn't feel to how hard you're pushing. So with the four hours, the way to the baby, um, you know, the, the bearing down. Yes. And so a prolapse, just for those that are not aware is when you could have either the bladder, the uterus, or the rectum ends up descending down into the pelvic floor and can also. In severe cases come out and protrude outside of the body. So there's different degrees of of prolapses and so Yes, any one of those organs can change their position and come down into that pelvic floor of the canal and That is and you ended up with a uterine

Dorothy:

I did.

Lori:

And and pretty severe pretty severe, right? Yeah.

Dorothy:

yeah. I'm very grateful that things turned out okay, and everyone is healthy, and, we didn't have any complications, but it could have definitely, you know, If things didn't turn out the way they did, who knows what could have happened? You know, I mean, if that doctor didn't walk in there, literally, how much longer would they have let me push? Who knows?

Lori:

totally. Yes. Yes. When you mentioned, you know, you and I would talk to of how you were saying just the level of importance it is to do again your research, even on the hospital that you want to give birth at right and finding other people who might have had their babies there or not. And, make that part of doing your investigative work, right, of, yeah, who, who has the best outcome with, birth and labor and delivery and just talking to other moms and women who've been through

Dorothy:

Totally agree. You're right. Absolutely. Because even in my birthing class, I forgot to bring this up we did take one of the birthing classes through, it was a recurring class through the hospital. Um, and the reason I actually picked this hospital was because they were so progressive in their approaches to delivery. So they were, You know, promoting the fact that you could birth in any position you'd like. And we have these balls and all these different things to help assist with progressing your labor. And even, you know, when it's time to push, we can position you in different ways to help the baby come out. For me, it was like, Nope, we don't do that. Nope. You have to lay on your back. Nope. It's this one way. So yeah, it was just a really big disappointment because what I thought would Happen didn't and when I chose this hospital, what I liked is that I did have this sense of control of like, okay Here's my birth plan. That feels very much like it's in my control. I have options to deliver That's in my control. And in the end it was like, nope, this is how we do it. Sorry So talking to other

Lori:

Mm hmm. Mm

Dorothy:

is huge You That's where you're going to get the most information. Honestly, Facebook mom groups are like, to this day, my son is eight, to this day, one of the greatest source of information for a lot of different things. Just talking to other parents.

Lori:

hmm.

Dorothy:

Yeah.

Lori:

Yeah, got to do your research. Well, and you know, it's always those things that we all walk in with, you know, thinking that we have the birth plan, right? And one thing that I've learned was that I think the plan is to have no plan,

Dorothy:

Yes.

Lori:

right? Because I mean, again, yes, we have this idea of the way that we want things to go. I mean, just in life in general, and then Things happen. And obviously, you know, the, the point is, is like, yes, have a general idea of how you want things to happen. But, you know, at the end of the day, it is about getting that baby out safely, as well as keeping the mom safe. Right. And so there's lots of things that could come up that you cannot necessarily anticipate and plan for. And I think if you walk in knowing that it also relieves a bunch of stress because then you're not so, set on an expectation, or disappointed that the, you know, the expectation or the plan didn't work out the way you wanted it to. So my philosophy is, yeah, plan to have no plan.

Dorothy:

good point. Very good point. Yeah.

Lori:

but be verbal enough, definitely along the way of, and hopefully I get to your point, having an advocate there, whether it is, you know, a family member who knows how to walk and navigate the birthing realm, or having a doula or a midwife, that could be that voice for you, and just to ask those questions, like, can we labor a bit longer? Do we have to have the epidural right now? So on and so forth, because, you know, like, to your point, Dee, when they came in and they're like, wanting to give you an epidural very early on, I mean, that slows down the contractions, number one, and number two, if you do want to obviously get yourself into different positions, hands and knees, onto your side and all that stuff, once you have that epidural, you can't move. So, Again, if you need to have the epidural and you need to go that path or want to go that path, that's great. But then maybe have other people on your team that could then help you, you know, at least get onto your side and put you into some different positions that opens up that birth canal to allow that baby to descend and be ready for birth. Yes. So just, yeah, lots of information, lots of information out there. Got to make sure you do your research and ask questions, ask questions.

Dorothy:

So that's the end of my story and now I have a very rambunctious eight year old that just keeps me on my toes and I wouldn't have it any other way. Yes. Yes. Oh

Lori:

he does. Well, thank God. I mean, you both, you know, came out of that happy and healthy because, I mean, it could have, and thank God the doctor walked in when she did, you know. Yeah, because there probably could have been that point, DeeDee, where both of you went into, into stress, right? A moment of

Dorothy:

I don't know. I mean, uh, I'll, if I can find the picture, we should post this picture of, so I,

Lori:

ha, ha,

Dorothy:

I gave birth, there's like the real light, the unposed, Dorothy holding the baby and you can clearly see on my face, I look like I'm possessed by some demon, like I, or on some really heavy duty drugs because I have never in my life looked so out of my body and glossed over, clearly there was not much left in me after, okay. For that delivery, so then we, no, so you're right. Yeah, there was nothing, but yeah, there's like the labor really in delivery really look like. And then like the second photo was the one where I was like, all right, I got to actually pose and look like what the moms usually look on Facebook when they post their photos. Um, yeah, it was rough. I made it. I know. I know.

Lori:

have to continue to share these stories, right? I know. Good stuff. Well, thank you for sharing, DeeDee.

Dorothy:

And until next time,

Lori:

Until next time, let's stay curious, everybody. We'll see you soon.

The information shared on this podcast is for informational purposes only and is based on the opinions and experience of Lori Dorothy and their guests. The content should not be used as a substitute for professional medical advice. Diagnosis or a treatment. Always seek the advice of your healthcare provider with any questions you may have regarding a medical condition. Never disregard professional medical advice or delay in seeking it because of something you heard on this podcast