Let's Get Curious with Replenishing Soul

Episode #15: What I Wish I Knew Before Becoming A Parent

• Lori & Dorothy • Episode 15

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In this heartfelt and eye-opening episode, we dive into the things we wish we had known before becoming parents. From the never-ending pressure of mom guilt to the societal expectations that set us up for unrealistic standards, we get real about the emotional and mental challenges of motherhood.

We share personal stories, the wisdom we've gathered along the way, and the lessons we wish we could go back and tell our pre-motherhood selves—like giving ourselves grace, embracing imperfection, and understanding that parenting is a lifelong lesson in letting go.

We also discuss:
 ✅ Why mom guilt is so pervasive and how to reframe it
 ✅ The shift from physical exhaustion to emotional exhaustion as kids grow
 ✅ The challenge of parenting multiple kids with different needs
 ✅ The importance of pivoting, adapting, and allowing space for mistakes

If you've ever felt like you're doing it wrong or wished for a roadmap to parenting, this episode is for you. Tune in for an honest conversation about the realities of raising kids and why it's okay to not have all the answers.

👉 Listen now wherever you get your podcasts!


Show Notes:

Mel Robbins Podcast:  How to Create the Life You Want: Lessons From the #1 Happiness Researcher - Dr.  Judith Joseph, MD

The book: The Prophet (a book made up on 26 poems- On children being one of those poems was also made into a song (see song link below)

Song: On Children (on Apple)

Song:  On Children (On Spotify)

If you found this podcast to be helpful, enlightening or just relatable please consider writing us a positive review on your favorite podcast app and share this episode with someone you care about.

Follow us on IG  https://www.instagram.com/replenishing_soul/

Thank you for your interest!

Disclaimer:
The information shared on this podcast is for informational purposes only and is based on the opinions and experience of Lori Dorothy and their guests. The content should not be used as a substitute for professional medical advice, diagnosis or a treatment. Always seek the advice of your healthcare provider with any questions you may have regarding a medical condition. Never disregard professional medical advice or delay in seeking it because of something you heard on this podcast.

Welcome to let's get curious. The podcast for women and mothers seeking connection, support, and inspiration. We are friends, mothers, and therapists. Laurie, a physical therapist and Dorothy, a speech and language therapist. Together. We share our personal stories, including IVF birth experiences and navigating children's learning difficulties. Through our discussions, we uncover profound lessons for personal growth. Join us on this journey of curiosity, compassion and empowerment. Welcome to let's. Get curious

Lori:

deedee, we're back.

Dorothy:

are. It feels like it's been so long.

Lori:

It does, yes. And even trying to get this one on the books has been a little bit challenging, right? But,

Dorothy:

Yes,

Lori:

when it's meant to be. Happens when it's meant to be.

Dorothy:

Well, and we did try recording this earlier, again, in the past, like a week ago, and the recording didn't, recording, didn't work out. And look, since then we've had more information. We we're able to chat with friends and collaborate on the contents of this episode. So I have no doubt it is going to be bigger and better.

Lori:

Exactly. Exactly. Well, this is a topic that you and I have been saying that we wanted to talk about for a while, which has been What do we wish we knew before we had children?

Dorothy:

Totally.

Lori:

And that list just keeps getting longer and longer and longer.

Dorothy:

Oh my gosh. Totally. Totally. I know. I think of this episode as like, if I could just write a letter to my pre motherhood self. Like, what would I say? Or if I could go back, what could I, what would I say to her? Um, and there's, there's so much. Oh my gosh, there's so much. Um, I, you know, so I was having lunch with a friend the other day and she actually brought this topic up, which wasn't on my list, and it totally should be, and I can't believe I didn't put it on there. But the whole idea of mom guilt and of how, right? And it's like your baby is, well, first of all, you have society telling you what motherhood should look like. And there's all these expectations placed on moms. And then you have social media showing you what that should look like, which we all know was fake. Right? And then you are trying to measure up to this standard that doesn't exist. It's not real. And then you're taking care of this baby. Society doesn't prepare us to take care of this baby. Most of us have to go to work. Sometimes six weeks later, eight weeks, ten, whatever. We're not supported. But yet, we're supposed to have it all figured out. We're not provided the right information. Our doctors sometimes don't give us the right information. Um, and This just can spiral into Right? This can spiral into so many directions, but the point is, is that we're not supported. And when something goes wrong, and I'm putting that in quotes, but if your baby doesn't meet a milestone, or if breastfeeding is difficult, or, your baby isn't sleeping through the night, and you can't figure out how to get that to happen, you blame yourself. And you continue to blame yourself even through, even till today. I will

Lori:

Oh, God. Yes.

Dorothy:

right? Um, because, you know, moms are the primary caregiver for most of, you know, most, in most instances. And, so of course you feel like it's your fault. And it's so not true, so if I could go back to 2015 Dorothy when she was thinking about being a mom or when I just got pregnant, I would just say, you're human, you're going to make mistakes, you are not meant to have all the answers, you, your child is going to teach you just as much as you're going to teach him or her, if not more, and just like be kind to yourself because You're not gonna be perfect and that's okay. It's okay. That's, that would be my biggest one right now.

Lori:

yes, which is really interesting because, that has kind of been the theme of some of the responses that have been coming in and I can tell you, so I was doing, a session with my energy girl the other day and, all centered, around this and where it's like, well, you feel like you need to have the answers for everything.

Dorothy:

Yeah.

Lori:

Right? And one thing, and I was doing some journaling this morning as I was doing some meditation, and it was, okay, and they say this too in another class that I'm taking, but you're, you're doing the best that you can. In that moment,

Dorothy:

Mm hmm.

Lori:

and I'm like, you know what? I need to remember that because I'm not choosing to ignore. I'm not choosing to walk away. I'm not choosing to give up. I am doing the best that I can in that moment with the information that I have. And at the end of the day, all of this too is so much trial and error. What works for you and your kid doesn't necessarily always work for me and my kid. We're constantly bouncing ideas off, right?

Dorothy:

hmm. Absolutely.

Lori:

what came through today as I was doing my journaling and stuff, it's like, okay, you're not going to have all the answers. You have the ability to pivot,

Dorothy:

hmm.

Lori:

what are you going to do? Are you thrown in the towel or are you taking a moment and trying again? Researching again, whatever it be for that situation. So, yeah, that was like my little mantra this morning of, remember, it's, it's okay to pivot.

Dorothy:

Yep.

Lori:

It's part of the path of putting the puzzle pieces together.

Dorothy:

And I want to add to what you said, too. It's also you do what the best that you can in the moment with the tools that you have.

Lori:

Mm

Dorothy:

So if your child is screaming at you and is dysregulated and, you know, you just reach your limit. And you start yelling back, you know what, you've done the best that you could, and if you don't have the tools to regulate yourself, you're going to yell, and you know what? It's okay. Of course it's not, and I mean, it's not okay because of course you don't want to yell at your children, but then you go back, you repair, and then like you said, you Gain more tools so that can, you can do your best for that to not happen again.

Lori:

Mm hmm. And remember,

Dorothy:

if you don't know,

Lori:

we're human, we're human at the end of the day

Dorothy:

right? Absolutely.

Lori:

with not just the stress of our children on us, but anything else that might be, you know, on our plate, I

Dorothy:

about you? Do you have any, any big

Lori:

Oh, well, I, yeah, I mean, I have, yeah, I mean, well, right. Kind of in line with you of, um, letting go and realizing that. You know, I think when they're, when they're little, right, it's you, everything is about control because you have to do everything for them and you just get in this automatic mode, right? You're changing diapers, you're feeding, you're bathing, you're all this stuff. And there's this physical fatigue that sets in

Dorothy:

Yep.

Lori:

and then you kind of get over that hump and. Not so much around, you know, you're still working kind of physically at kindergarten and first grade. And you're just, again, like you're, you're getting your new footing, right. As they're going out into school and making social connections and starting to learn their ABCs more and their one, two threes, and then you get a bit over that third grade starts to come, right. All those, like the, the age continues to creep in and then you start to realize like, Ooh, I'm now that they're more in society. And they're becoming more aware of who they are and what's happening around them. Everything then shifts to more emotional support.

Dorothy:

Um, yep.

Lori:

My girls are 12, and, um, yeah, I mean, that's what I find, like, this is where I'm more exhausted. I'm not, I'm not exhausted physically. I'm more exhausted Emotionally, because, they're two different people with two different needs. And of course, with them being twins, you know, I have kind of that double edged sword of like, well, you let her, you know, you said this to her. And like, it just, it becomes like this comparison and it's like, but I can't, you can't, you can't compare against your sister because guess what? You're two different people and I'm choosing what I'm choosing because there's all these, these factors that go into it. Right.

Dorothy:

Oh, I can't even, I have one and I can, I, I'm good right there. Like, what you're describing to me is already a bit overwhelming to know how to meet both of their needs at the same time, if they

Lori:

and, and while they're comparing themselves and it's like, you can't like, this isn't fair to compare because you're two different people with two different interests with two different needs. Um, so yeah, there's that extra layer that I have to, you know, navigate. And of course, with me being as sensitive and empathetic as I am, Oh, I feel that. A million times over, so I think, and that's, that's why it's been this like learning to let go, you know, as, as my therapist says to me, stop being the drill sergeant. And I'm like, whoo. Okay. So now is like situations come up or conversations come up. You know, it's so funny. I'm so quick to need to be like, like to go in with a response.

Dorothy:

yep. Yep.

Lori:

as I'm going to like, take that breath to talk. That I'm going, I'm kind of like swallowing it back down, not just, not just push it down to pretend it's not there, but to take a moment to not go into my emotional amygdala brain and take me out of my frontal lobe. While I'm taking that pause to, okay, let's not get emotional on this. Let's stay in the frontal brain, the thinking brain. And process, you know, from there and again, what's my stuff getting in the way versus, you know, what is theirs and it is, it's this process of like letting go. That's really, really hard, but that is the job. The job is to allow them to make mistakes, to make bad decisions within boundaries, of course. Right. Um, and continue to prepare them for the world. But I. This letting go is really, really hard for me and, um, my one girlfriend, she said it beautifully. I'm going to actually read this, um. Uh, to everyone and what did she here we go. Let me find it really quick. This is what my girlfriend says. She said, I'd say take everything you think, you know, about kids and parenting and throw it out the window, renew this. Every couple of years or every new development stage, and definitely after each kid, some things you've learned might stick and other things may have just been a plan for a specific place in time. Parenting is a lesson in letting go pretty much from the moment they are born. Let them teach you and be a pivot master. Ooh.

Dorothy:

Whoa, I just got

Lori:

Oh my God.

Dorothy:

body

Lori:

too.

Dorothy:

You too?

Lori:

Me too. Well, I of course read this like, uh, I don't know, it was like a week ago and of course it was beautiful, you know, when I read it, but now saying this out loud and hello, what did I, what just came up today in my journaling about pivoting?

Dorothy:

Yeah. Yeah. Wow. Wow.

Lori:

But is that

Dorothy:

I love that. It's, it's absolutely true. Absolutely. And it's so hard.

Lori:

So, yeah, like that's one of my, my, my biggest ones that I'm, um, being faced with and really trying to practice.

Dorothy:

Yep, and you bring up a really good point about being an empath. I am too. Probably one of the reasons why we're such good friends, um, out of so many

Lori:

So many reasons.

Dorothy:

you know, but you and I both take on so much from other people. Um, and I, I even feel, and I take it on the most from my child because I feel responsible for him. I'm connected to him. I grew him inside, him inside of me. Um, so for me too, it's very easy to absorb. You know, all the energy that he's putting at me and the energy needs to go somewhere. So what I try to do is cleanse my energy as much as I can throughout the day.

Lori:

Yeah, you're good with that.

Dorothy:

A lot, a

Lori:

I'm getting better. Mm hmm.

Dorothy:

So, so, and then I haven't told you this, this is a new one that I just started doing. So, um, I did this the other day when I was driving and I got all lightheaded. I'm like, all right, this is. This is probably not the best place to clear energy. Well, because think about it. Like if I'm a magnet for, I'm going to just say energy, right? No matter if it's good or bad. If I'm in the magnet and I'm attracting other people's energy, it needs to go somewhere.

Lori:

Right.

Dorothy:

I have to move it out of me, otherwise it's just going to build up and then, you know, I'm just going to get dysregulated, or overwhelmed or whatever. So I picture like a ball of, of energy like in my heart. And then when I think about cleansing, I picture it expanding from in all the way out. So I'm saying cleanse me from anything that doesn't serve me in the highest and best way. And I'm picturing the ball growing and growing and growing and kind of pushing the things that don't belong to me out.

Lori:

Mm hmm.

Dorothy:

And then the ball ends up being wide enough where it's like three feet around me. And then I say, protect me from absorbing anything that won't serve me in that, like the best way or in a positive way or whatever. And I've noticed that I have a lot more space. To, I don't want to say tolerate, but just, I have a lot more space and a lot more compassion for those tough moments because I've created space. I've literally created energetic space in my body. So.

Lori:

Yeah. No, it makes total sense. And when I do spend the time to do that, yes, I, I feel it as well. And, you know, kind of feeding off of the whole empath thing. Right. And this is the other thing I'm really trying to be cautious with because, our energies are intertwined with our children and it's so easy to like, kind of get. Like muddle that energy to the point where I don't want to take whatever's coming up for me and then make that their reality when it's not.

Dorothy:

Oh, true.

Lori:

Right? Because, again, like, what, what is about bringing us joy is being our authentic selves, um, which, whew, I mean, it, it, it, that takes work, living in this society, in this culture, and everything that we just opened the podcast with of, all the, Social media stuff and everything. And so that's the piece where I'm like, okay, I'm, we have these really real conversations in our, in our house, which are beautiful, but I'm really trying to be cautious of the words that I choose because again, I don't want my beliefs or my experiences becoming their. Reality, what is their truth? Um, and that's, it's a challenge because you want to protect as a parent. And so that's the thing. Am I protecting because they need to be protected or am I protecting because I'm fearing something? And then is that you're going to become their reality when it really isn't.

Dorothy:

Oh, that's so true.

Lori:

Muddily mess. So yeah. So again, I'm like catching myself before I talk,

Dorothy:

Okay.

Lori:

What I am going to say, is it kind of just neutral territory? Is it because it's part of the conversation or is this me throwing my agenda? My beliefs, whatever you want to label it, even on a subconscious level is what I'm talking about, right? So I'm trying to catch myself in that, because it's interesting because, you know, sometimes I'll be whatever, we'll be driving in the car somewhere and, one kid will say something and the other one kind of chimes in. And I'm like, they're using, that's, that's what I would say. They just kind of went mom on. Their sister,

Dorothy:

Yep. Mm hmm. Mm hmm.

Lori:

So, and, and, with other friends that we're with in the neighborhood and everything, like, sometimes, too, I'll hear, like, a kid say something, and I was like, That's, that's not coming from you. That's something that you picked up of what's being said, in the house. Like those are your parents words. I could tell that that's adult, like those are, that's an adult language. That's not a kid language. And so of course this stuff is going to happen because we're all in the same household, but it's just again, like bringing my awareness to that so that I can let go and help them to grow as an independent individual as much as possible. I mean, I'm sure to some degree, Didi, we're going to still, you know, quote unquote, ruin our kids, right? They're going to come back and be like, you rocked at this mom, you sucked at this, right? I mean, we can do that own reflection with our own parents, but again, you do the best that you can with what you know, and with what you have. And that's where the forgiveness, right? Needs, needs to lie.

Dorothy:

I want to quickly mention, to your point, I love it when my kiddo says something really great that I've said. So it's like a reminder of like, Oh yeah, I am a good mom. So, um, something he says a lot is, you know what, mom, do you know what brings me joy? Pufferfish bring me joy. Yeah. We talk about that a lot about things that bring us joy.

Lori:

Joy.

Dorothy:

Um, so when I hear that, I'm like, Oh, he got that from me. Those are my words. Yay, me! I've done something right. Well, and that's a good point, too, that we need to remember to celebrate the moments. You can have a really great day, and 99 percent of your day goes well, and but what do you harp on that 1%? Or like, the guy cut you off, or the person told you off, or whatever. You were late for work, or you screwed up the meeting, or whatever. Um, and we do that as parents too.

Lori:

Mm hmm.

Dorothy:

And, and you reminded me of this just the other day where my son did something that he couldn't do before, and it was a really small school related thing, and you were like, write it down. Celebrate it. Remember it.

Lori:

hmm. Yeah. Well, and that was from Jen in our, our, uh, last podcast about rare disease,

Dorothy:

that's right. Yeah. Ugh.

Lori:

And it's true, like, yeah, like, stop focusing on that one little thing when you have all these other amazing things that are happening. Well, and I would say to kind of from a non parenting just back to like taking care of you as a mom. Again, something our society does not give, spend enough time on, pelvic floor health post baby.

Dorothy:

Yep.

Lori:

So I wish that everyone knew going in. Once you're pregnant and you go through all your breastfeeding classes and your birthing classes that they would really spend more time talking about The pelvic floor and it may be ideal if we can get every woman set up with a pelvic floor exam post baby at like the six eighth eight week mark once like swelling and everything goes down and just to be checked and And talk about what you should know What you should know and what you should be looking for, in terms of leakage and prolapses and all that stuff. So kind of a non parenting thing, but that is something that I wish I would know would would have known more about before having babies and then going off and studying it as a P. T.

Dorothy:

Well, and, and if you were to tell. Me, what you just said to, uh, even, even probably even knowing you as a physical therapist, I don't think I really fully would have understood what you meant in terms of like, check out your pelvic floor. So I'm going to get very, a little bit detailed here. So people understand. So when Lori says pelvic floor health, if you are pushing a baby for a very long time, And having a fat, well actually, I'm just going to say vaginal delivery because that was my experience, but you can have complications from a c section too, Laurie,

Lori:

Well, yeah, I mean, just carrying a baby. Yeah, yeah. Carrying a baby and the weight of the baby in the pelvic floor can still give you pelvic floor issues. Mm hmm.

Dorothy:

So, your organs can start falling out of you. So, uh, my, if you haven't listened to my birth story, I go into it there, but three months after delivering, I was literally using the restroom and I went to wipe and I felt like something coming out of me and I was like, oh my, and I, I'm not kidding you. I literally thought that they like left something in me. Like, I was like, did I deliver my, like, was there something that was, like,

Lori:

Did they not cut the cord? Is my placenta still inside me?

Dorothy:

Did I? Disclaimer, Dorothy was not sleeping much and did not have a lot of help. So, I, I was very sleep deprived and hormonal, so there's that piece too. But I was so confused. I was like, what is this that I'm feeling? And that was my Uterus, I had no idea up until that moment that that could actually happen. And then there's, you know, other things that can also you can have, different types of prolapses, uh, that, but

Lori:

Yeah.

Dorothy:

you don't want that.

Lori:

Mm hmm. Right. No. And

Dorothy:

So if

Lori:

to get checked, just to get checked is like the number one thing and to give women education of, again, yes, your doctor will, cause a lot of times people will be like, I'm like leaking. I'm. I'm. And yeah, and your OB will usually say that's normal and it is, but it does not remain normal. It should not remain normal. So if you are still leaking three month mark, six month mark, so on and so forth with a cough, a sneeze, you go to exercise, not normal. Not normal and pain, there should, you should not have pain. You should not have pain with sex. You should not have pain with insertion. You should not have pain with bowel movements. So if you're having pain or discomfort in the abdomen down into the pelvic floor with, urinating bowel movements and or, um, with intercourse, you have to get checked.

Dorothy:

Mm-hmm Yep.

Lori:

Yeah.

Dorothy:

And then to that too, since we're talking about birth breastfeeding should not hurt. It should not.

Lori:

Yep.

Dorothy:

Um, and I wish I had known that 70 80 percent of women who try to breastfeed have trouble.

Lori:

That's a big amount. Mm hmm.

Dorothy:

It's huge. I had a lactation consultant take a look. She's like, no, everything is fine. It looks like it's, you know, it's okay, but it hurt so much. And then I got home and I hired another lactation consultant and she was showing me different strategies. And I ended up going through like three or four and my child also had a tongue tie, which was making his latch not, I mean, that, that's why it wasn't working primarily. So I ended up getting that revised and by like the fourth lactation consultant and 10 weeks later he finally latched and guess what? It didn't hurt at all at all. So if you are thinking about, um, breastfeeding your child. I would say every mom who's thinking about breastfeeding should have the name of a lactation consultant. I would call them. I would be like, all right, can you be on standby because when you bring your baby home and talk and we're going to go back to mom guilt, there is nothing worse. And I will just speak from experience than 43 hours of labor, four hours of pushing no sleep for like three days. Then you come home and then and that is when you fully realize that this baby is not going back. He's not going back to the hospital. He's not going back inside of you. You all of a sudden the reality hits up like you were I have never been so tired in my entire life and now I have to take care of this other person. And I can't even feed him.

Lori:

hmm.

Dorothy:

Talk about

Lori:

right?

Dorothy:

mom guilt. Right. Like, what is wrong with me? What is wrong with my body? What have I just done? So, I could go back, I would have called my lactation consultant, and I would have had her meet me at my house, and then I would have said, alright, you gotta tell me this is okay, this is normal, we're gonna get through it. Bottles are okay.

Lori:

Bottles are okay. Yeah. And that's actually another one that we had, um, that came, uh, into us was, I wish I knew how hard breastfeeding was going to be and not to beat myself up over it by not working.

Dorothy:

It's so true.

Lori:

so true. It's so true. Shall I read a few more of these that came in? Okay. There's this one. I have little influence. The child will develop as they see fit, for the most part. My job is to keep him or her safe, healthy, and loved. To give opportunities where I can, and to enjoy the ride.

Dorothy:

Oh, love it.

Lori:

Isn't that a good one?

Dorothy:

Love it.

Lori:

Mm hmm.

Dorothy:

It's hard for me to enjoy the ride when I'm feeling like I have to have it all figured out.

Lori:

I know. And that, you know what, and, but what does that come back to, Didi? The letting go.

Dorothy:

Oh, totally.

Lori:

Right? I mean, you can see how this becomes a, a cycle. It's a cycle. And, and who is, like, it's you in the cycle. We have to do something different. We, we have to change, right? We have to be the ones to change. We have to be like, okay, you know what, out of all this information, what is resonating with me? It's not that there's right information and wrong information, it is what is resonating with you, you go, you try that, doesn't work, you got the fork in the road, you pivot,

Dorothy:

Yeah.

Lori:

you just keep on moving forward.

Dorothy:

Well, and there's a lot to be said about a mother's intuition or father, if you're a dad listening, father's intuition. Um, there's been so many times that. It's just, you know, a professional, I trust medical professionals and I appreciate them and there are really good ones out there, but you also as a mom need to realize that you know your child best and if it doesn't feel right,

Lori:

Mm

Dorothy:

usually it's not. You know, my kiddo went, was having trouble with, um, school, he ended up trying a bunch of different schools and in every school there was always the experts telling me, blaming me, that was another one that came in, actually, that I was talking with a friend about, um. You know, it always goes back to the mom. It's the mom's fault. Well, what are you doing at home? Why, why, he's acting like this because it's your fault. You know, how are you raising him? And then judgment comes. Um, but to make a long story short, I have gotten some really bad advice from the experts. And In hindsight, I wish I would have just really trusted my intuition because to this day, it really hasn't like steered me wrong.

Lori:

Mm hmm.

Dorothy:

So there is a lot to be said about just following your heart.

Lori:

There is. Yep. Back to that authentic self. Uh, so here's another one. Um, I wish I knew how freaking expensive they are and then they write on a serious. No, I think really understanding the dynamic regards to your partner and parenting style and discipline and having some sort of alignment there a little different one talking about, you know, you and your, your partner. I think there were definitely conversations I could have had and should have had prior to having a baby. And

Dorothy:

Yes. Mm hmm.

Lori:

hard to say, I want this, I want that. You could think it's kind of like a birth plan, right? You write it up. You think you want these things and then real time comes and you realize, okay, that doesn't match. So, um, yeah, it's just one of those kind of like hindsight 2020, but like, what would you. Like, what would that conversation be, you know, prior?

Dorothy:

Well, I think a big one, too, would be, you know, talking with your partner about what they see their role is as a parent.

Lori:

that's the big one. The

Dorothy:

Right. Like, what, what does that look like? You know, what is on, on a day-to-day basis? What are you you expecting me to be in charge of? And what are you expecting to be in charge of? Because

Lori:

which I think goes hand in hand with just your relationship with that person, outside of kids, because if, yeah, if you're not, if you don't have the clear roles, then that again is what can cause tension because then there leads to that expectation, right?

Dorothy:

one. Yep.

Lori:

Um, here's another one that every cell in your body changes to equip you with what needs to happen as a mother. I did worry sometimes about whether or not I would be a good parent since it was hard enough taking care of myself, LOL.

Dorothy:

Mm-hmm

Lori:

Also, I wish I started saving money sooner.

Dorothy:

Ugh,

Lori:

Aren't these good?

Dorothy:

the truth? These are amazing!

Lori:

Uh huh. They are. Um, this one. I wish I had been better prepared to raise two kids of the same sex. I always imagined having a boy and a girl, so I never really considered what it would be to raise two boys. Over time, I've learned to parent each of them differently, making a conscious effort to celebrate their unique qualities. I've also had to show myself grace for the mistakes I've made along the way.

Dorothy:

Mm, mm

Lori:

Another Goosey Bump one.

Dorothy:

Yeah,

Lori:

Goosey Bump one right there. Mm hmm. Good ones. I have a few more here. This is just so direct and to the point, and this is all that came in, that I would never sleep the same way again.

Dorothy:

Oh my, you know that I feel that one deep in my soul.

Lori:

Right? Yes.

Dorothy:

like, if you're an older, mom, be prepared to go from sleepless nights due to a baby waking up to sleepless nights due to menopause coming. That's me. Yes.

Lori:

I know.

Dorothy:

And you're like, Oh, my kid's finally sleeping, but I'm not.

Lori:

But I'm not exactly, I know, Mother Nature, man. Whew, she has it out for us. Um, okay, and then I have, these last two right here. Um, there are two things I usually tell new moms depending on where they are at. One is that comparison is thief of joy, and don't compare your kid to other kids, even if it's siblings or your own self. And the second is to give yourself grace as a parent. You're gonna mess up and learn along the way. Don't be afraid to say sorry when you need to. Um,

Dorothy:

yes. Wow.

Lori:

person. Yummy ones, right? Mm

Dorothy:

Really, really yummy. All right, so I just want to share with you a poem by Khalil Gibran. Called On Children, which I think is really powerful. And this is just part of it. Your children are not your children. They are the sons and daughters of life's longing for itself. They come through you, but not from you. And though they are with you, yet they belong not to you. You may give them your love, but not your thoughts. For they have their own thoughts. You may house their bodies, but not their souls. For their souls dwell in the house of tomorrow.

Lori:

Hmm. It's true. It's true. And then to let all that happen, we have to let go. We have to let go of the guilt. We have to let go of the fear. Because I know for me, right? It's like, again, it goes back to, I do this because I love and I want to protect. And God forbid, if there were something that happened, you would blame yourself that you didn't protect.

Dorothy:

Right. Right. Yeah. It's, yeah.

Lori:

but then you're not letting them live.

Dorothy:

Absolutely.

Lori:

Yeah.

Dorothy:

Absolutely.

Lori:

Yeah. And I think that's the piece where, you know, people say like, I mean, what do you wish you knew that parenting was going to be not, it's, how do I want to say this? It's, uh, it's hard. Like it's, it's so much harder on the things that you never even. Thought about like, I knew that having children was going to take work. I knew it wasn't going to be easy. I didn't know how much of it was going to. Show me the work I had and have to do on myself.

Dorothy:

Yes.

Lori:

Mm hmm.

Dorothy:

Me, too.

Lori:

Well, and you know, we'll finish with this, DeeDee. Um, you had reminded me to go on and watch the Mel Robbins, uh, latest, or listen to the latest podcast, the one about happiness with, um, Dr. Judith, I believe is her name. And I'll put this too in the show notes and I'm not quite done with it. But this one part would I, which I loved that I listened to today. Um, because she talks about the five V's of what brings on happiness. And, um, one of those is she's talking about like your values. And she said, so many times when I'm working with moms. We'll pull up their calendar and you see everything on there from everything for the kid, the play dates, the sports, the birthday parties, the doctor's appointments, whatever it is else you have going on as a family, there are no play time. There's no joy set on the mom's calendars. For something for them to look forward to, whether it's a hike in the woods by yourself, time for a bath, drinks with girlfriends, like, whatever that is for you, go dancing, right?

Dorothy:

Live music,

Lori:

Live music, whatever brings you joy, but it's that reminder of yes. Put down on the calendar time for yourself, time for your joy. And I think that, you know, and that's also a great reminder because I think that's also what can make the letting go easier and not muddle our energies with our children, because then you are remembering who you are and what you need to keep you clear. With your energy, making it easier to, you know, make that space for them when we get so intertwined. Right. And we, like, we become one, like, we're not supposed to become one with our Children. We're supposed to let them go. And so how do we find our joy? How do they find their joy and create that space? So that's what I would say, you know, with anybody listening to this, like ask yourself that question, what, what brings you joy, put joy down on, on that calendar and practice letting go everybody. Easier said than

Dorothy:

Easier? I was just

Lori:

easier said than done, but, um, but you know what, as I've, as I have done this little by little, whatever it is that I've had to, you know, make decisions on and letting go. You do feel the space becomes created and therefore becomes a little easier each time. Becomes a little easier each time of like, Oop, that's my stuff coming to the surface. That's not theirs, right? The more that you are aware of it, the more that you create space for it, it gets easier. It never goes away, but I think it gets easier to practice is what I would say.

Dorothy:

I agree with you.

Lori:

Yeah.

Dorothy:

Let's do it. Laurie, let's plant some joy together.

Lori:

Well, you and I already talked about, um, putting Thailand on our, on our

Dorothy:

Well, yeah, that's 2035

Lori:

That's okay, babe. It's okay. You know what though, we are gonna do sooner. But in the sense where we know that we can take that type of Time and chunk away. So yeah, we're planning ten years out

Dorothy:

Yes, we are.

Lori:

Yes, we are. We are gonna make that happen.

Dorothy:

with the disclaimer that we will make it sooner if possible,

Lori:

That's right.

Dorothy:

but at the, you know, we got 2035 on the books just in case it doesn't happen

Lori:

That's right and we know we are gonna plan some other joy with each other along the way Well, you always bring me joy every day that I

Dorothy:

Oh, ditto. Ditto. We say that all the time.

Lori:

We do but yes all those like little moments and you know Dancing to our Jessie's Girl together again, babe. We gotta, we gotta pull that reference back in,

Dorothy:

Ha

Lori:

I know, when you said you were in the car doing your meditation, I was like, Should I make the Jessie comment?

Dorothy:

ha. I probably should have done the Jessie's Girl to put me back in my body because I was like,

Lori:

Yeah, I know, you were

Dorothy:

I was, I was so spacey on the highway. I'm like, this

Lori:

Yeah, don't do that again, GD. Don't do that again. Awww.

Dorothy:

No. Oh, this was fun.

Lori:

It was fun. It was fun. Any, any final thoughts you want to close with, T? Mm hmm.

Dorothy:

I think you summed it up beautifully and I think maybe just one last thing is just it's so easy to feel like you can do it alone, and when you're especially when you're a new mom and it's like, Oh, that was me anyway, like, Oh, I can just get up with him all night long. And then I can do the laundry and I can do this. And it's just, just remember that. You will get burnt out if you don't have your tribe and you don't ask for help. And actually that can be said, I have an 8 year old and that could that's true today. Um, so just remember that you're not alone and that, there are people that can help you. There is support out there. And even if it's like for me, when he was really little and I was up feeding him and I had questions, I was on Facebook moms groups, like asking the questions and because there really weren't too many people that wanted to talk to me at three o'clock in the morning. Um, so just, yeah, just reach out and ask for help and just know that you're not alone in this because it can get overwhelming and it can get, to be too much

Lori:

hmm. Mm hmm.

Dorothy:

just don't feel like you got to do it all.

Lori:

right? At any phase of your child's, life. This isn't just about having a newborn. This is all the phases because all the, all, yeah, because what I am confronted with right now is way different than what I was confronted with when they were eight,

Dorothy:

Yeah,

Lori:

right?

Dorothy:

absolutely. They're always changing on you. Just when you figure them

Lori:

just when you figure it out, I know. Ah, good stu expect the unexpected. I love it, Deedee. Awesome. This was great. Everybody, thank you for tuning in again for listening to us and supporting us along the way. And if you do, if you have any comments along the way, with any of our podcasts, please feel free to. Uh, email us, and, um, just as a reminder too, you can follow us on Instagram. We are replenishing with an underscore soul and, yeah, we post just real life stuff every day. So thanks again for following and listening, and we'll see you guys on the other side. Stay curious.

Dorothy:

Bye.

Lori:

Bye.

The information shared on this podcast is for informational purposes only and is based on the opinions and experience of Lori Dorothy and their guests. The content should not be used as a substitute for professional medical advice. Diagnosis or a treatment. Always seek the advice of your healthcare provider with any questions you may have regarding a medical condition. Never disregard professional medical advice or delay in seeking it because of something you heard on this podcast