Part 4 - What Keeps YOU Up at Night - Are You Worthy? A Surprising Answer

Scripture has provided a resounding "NO!" in answer to the questions of whether we are unloved or unwanted (see parts 2 & 3 of this series). But what about the question of whether we are worthy? Deserving blessing? When feelings of unworthiness express themselves to the extreme, we can become self-abusive, prone to self-medicating our pain or succumb to addictions. We need to recognize what the Word of God says about our "worth." In this episode, Lisa opens the scriptures and shares the cure for insomnia that's caused by a painful lie. And you might be surprised by the road she takes you down today. 

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Transcript

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Welcome to the Chronicles of Christian Drama Queen podcast. I'm your host and the original Christian Drama Queen, Lisa Schaefer, and I'm glad that you are here. I can promise you that I know what it's like to think like a lover of Jesus, but live like a hot mess every day. And if you can relate, you're in the right place. Everything from the craziness of homeschooling my kids for 25 years to overcoming deep wounds of abandonment and abuse. Stay with me, sister. I've walked down all of those paths, and I've got decades of healing and hope that God's called me to share with you today. So here we go.

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Thank you.

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Here we go. Indeed. So glad you guys are with me today. So a couple of things I want to take care of before we get started today. First of all, you need to go to my website if you want to find out more about me. Listen to some older podcasts. Maybe you want to read my blog. It is ChristianDramaQueen.com. Also want to let you know that the Bible studies that I use on the broadcasts and I share information from those are available on Amazon. There are two of them, Discarded, A Daughter's Journey to Reclaim Freedom and Forgive the Father Who Left Her Behind, and The Christian Victim's Guide to Forgiving the Unforgivable. Those are both available on Amazon. Just send me an email. Lisa at ChristianDramaQueen.com. You can order those from me and I will spiral bind them for you so they're easier to use. As an old homeschool mom, we love our spiral bound books. That's just the way it goes. So for the last few months, we have been talking about the things that keep us up at night. I've been going through certain emotions and thoughts that in the past have created some self-worth issues for me, maybe created just some lies in my mind about who I am or what I am and how God thinks of me. So we looked at it Being unloved and feeling unloved, and we've looked at being unwanted. And today I'm going to talk to you about this term, unwanted. Now, I want to warn you before I get started of a couple of things, and I tell people this face-to-face when we talk. We need to guard against false humility. Christians have a tendency to say, oh, I am not worthy. But deep down, especially because we live in a society that's constantly telling us, oh, you're worth a lot, we have a tendency to really not practice that humility or not really deep down believe that we are humble. And I know that we've been told in Scripture not to think more humbly. of ourselves than we ought, but sometimes we do. And so I want to give you a little bit of a warning. Let's guard against false humility today. Let's be very, very real, okay? I want you to be extremely honest to the best of your ability about the things that we're going to talk about today. What is it that makes you worthy in the sight of God? Do you commonly compare your life to the lives of others? I mean, how many of us have done that and go, well, like the guy that prays in the temple next to the sinner who's brokenhearted, and he's like, well, thank you, Lord, that I am not like this horrible sinner next to me, right? We've all done that. I think we've all done that. I want you to think about a time when you've limited your own future or limited your decision-making because you thought you didn't deserve better, or maybe you thought you did deserve better. better, and you limited the decision or the choices that you made. Have you ever lied or exaggerated in order to appear more important or to garner more attention? I know I have. In fact, I know for a fact, and I discussed this in the studies, I know for a fact that I wanted to be the bigger victim in the room. No matter what setting I was in, you know, sleepovers with my friends, and we would tell stories, deep dark secrets, I always had to be the bigger victim. I always had to be the one, the bigger drama queen of the bunch. I know I've done that, and I know a lot of other people have done that as well, because we don't just want to be victims. Sometimes we want to make sure that we're getting all the attention we possibly can because of our victimization. Now, we have talked about being unloved and unwanted so far in this series. Scripture has really provided a resounding, no, you are not unloved. You are not unwanted. When we ask ourselves, are we really loved? Are we really wanted? Yes, absolutely. But there is a difference between feeling unworthy and truly being unworthy. Worthy, the word worthy, means having or showing the qualities or abilities that merit recognition in some specific way, deserving effort or attention or respect, good enough or suitable. Let's be honest, when we feel unworthy to the extreme, it becomes self-loathing, and I know that. It can also become self-abuse, things like cutting or or other addictive behaviors to try and numb the pain, right? But when we recognize that we have been blessed even though we are unworthy, that's grace. That is undeserved favor. So I want you to go to Luke 15. Verses 11 through 24. Now, this is the story of the prodigal son. And we're going to whip through this, but I want you to read it. I want you to take a look at it. There's a lot in here, guys. This story. Now, first of all, I want you to understand this is a parable. So it's not that I know for a fact this story really happened to someone. I can certainly give you modern day examples of how this has happened to someone. But the story, God gives us this story for a reason. To understand the depths of his ability and desire to forgive and restore and redeem. a life of lost unworthiness. So in Luke chapter 15, what was the younger son asking for in verse 12? He was asking for something he probably thought he deserved. Like, you know, I'm your son, so I deserve my inheritance. So I would like for you to give it to me now. And oddly enough, in that same verse, the father says, okay, we'll divvy that up. I'll go ahead and give you what you think you deserve. I don't know that I would do that. There's this favor that this father gives. And at what point did the son decide, hey, I really need to go back home? Well, first of all, it's when he's eating crud in the pit. He was tempted to eat crud with the pigs. So he decides at that point, you know what? I know I'm not worthy. I know I don't deserve to be treated like a son anymore, but I want to go back. and tell my father, look, I'll be happy to be a servant. Treat me as a servant that at least then I'm home. I'm where I can be fed. Anything's better. You treated servants better than I'm treating myself is basically what he's saying to his father. Now, how did the father respond when the son finally decides to go home? Well, first of all, in verse 19 or 20, we're looking at verses 19 and 20 now. The father is obviously looking for the son to return. He sees him from far off. So what that means is the father was waiting for the son to return. He was looking. He saw him from far off. And when he sees him, the son starts in, okay, I need to tell you something. Don't treat me like your son. I don't deserve that. I need to be treated like a servant. And the father just responds with love and generosity and mercy and grace. Does the father ever tell the son that, he deserves this big welcoming party. Because he says, hey, we're going to break out the rope. We're going to put on the ring. We're going to have a big party. We're going to kill the fatted calf. We're going to have a good time. My son was dead and now he's alive. He was lost and now he's found. We're going to have a party. We're going to welcome him. But does he ever say to the son, you deserve this? Over the years, I have observed many discarded daughters like me who allow deceptive thoughts and fears everywhere. to determine their character and personality. In my case, I believed I was unwanted and unloved and undeserving, which led me to become extremely needy. I put myself down. In later years, I was terribly promiscuous. I developed this pattern of terrible behavior. I was going to be a story enhancer, what some might call a liar. No matter the sad story that you told, mine would be sadder. And no matter how frightening your experience was, mine was going to be worse. And the goal was to manufacture a better story so people would like me more or have more sympathy for me or see I was worthy of their attention. I was a greater victim and it became a terrible sinful personality flaw. I was timid and shy so much of the time when I was younger. So it was really crazy to me that when I finally decided to participate in a conversation, it would be with the sole intent of becoming the most pathetic, most popular, most spoiled sounding person in the room. It wasn't until my mid-30s that the Lord really got a hold of me and said, look, you're falling right into the hands of the deceiver. This deceptive behavior, these lies are that. They are lies. And you're falling into the hands of the deceiver. But that's just one of the many character flaws that I believe I can attribute to the fact that I was thrown away by my father. And we'll talk a little bit later about that. So how does this relate to this idea of being unworthy? I think deep down, We know the truth, that we're not all that worthy. Like I said earlier, up to now, Scripture has said, with a resounding yes, you are loved. You are wanted. But what's the truth about whether or not we are really worthy? The truth is, we're not. Turn to Romans 3, 10 through 19. As it is written, none is righteous, no, not one. No one understands. No one seeks for God. All have turned aside. Together they have become worthless. No one does good, not even one. Their throat is an open grave. They use their tongues to deceive. The venom of asps is under their lips. Their mouth is full of curses and bitterness. Their feet are swift to shed blood. In their paths are ruin and misery. And the way of peace they have not known. There is no fear of God before their eyes. So this picture is painted of us. The answer to the question, was I truly unworthy, is yes. We all are. This is proof. What about verse 22? What does it say, though? The righteousness of God through faith in Jesus Christ for all who believe. For there is no distinction for all who sin and fall short of the glory of God. The faith that we have in Christ and His desire to wash over our sin with His blood and His forgiveness. It's through our faith in that that we become worthy. We don't make ourselves worthy. We weren't born worthy. In Romans 3, 10 through 19, it says, How many are righteous? None. How many understand? None. How many seek God? None. How many have turned aside? All. We've all turned aside. We're all useless. How many do good? None. So these verses continue to point out some pretty vile behaviors and deception and poison of the ass was on our lips and blah, blah, blah, which I'd call slander. All of this stuff, no fear of God. The only thing that redeems us is faith. In Jesus, Romans 3.26 says, it was to show his righteousness at the present time so that he might be just and the justifier of the one who has faith in Jesus. So it's God's desire to welcome us back in, to embrace us. If he's like that father of the prodigal son, he welcomes us back in. He treats us like his children because of our faith, not because we are worthy, not because we deserve it. It's our faith in Jesus. He is the one claiming us before God to be worthy. I like how one pastor put it not too long ago. I was in church and we were talking about that. What's going to happen when we stand before God? And I was going to point at Jesus and go, I'm with him. The definition of grace, unwarranted or undeserved favor. And God gives and gives and gives to us, even though we don't deserve it. One of my very favorite verses in scripture is Romans 8. So if you turn to Romans 8, and it's just the very beginning of the chapter, there is therefore now no condemnation for those who are in Christ Jesus. For the law of the Spirit of life has set you free in Christ Jesus from the law of sin and death. It's one of my favorite verses in Romans. Do you understand why I love it so much? Now, I've never been pregnant. And I talk a little bit about dealing with infertility and adopting my children in previous episodes. I've never been pregnant. I have three adopted children. We're very blessed. I know that. But I will confess to you that during the many, many years of attempting to get pregnant and going through all those infertility treatments and spending all that money, I thought maybe God was not blessing me with children because I just didn't deserve to be a mother. Maybe that's why my dad abandoned me. I didn't deserve a happy little family. I didn't deserve anything but to be cursed because of my own bad choices, because of something that made me more and more unworthy. After years of telling myself Turn to the book of Psalms 103. And look at verses 10 through 14. He does not deal with us according to our sins, nor repay us according to our iniquities. For as high as the heavens are above the earth, so great is his steadfast love toward those who fear him. As far as the east is from the west, so far does he remove our transgressions from us. As a father shows compassion to his children, so the Lord shows compassion to those who fear him. For he knows our frame. He remembers that we are dust. So you can't miss this promise here. The Lord shows compassion to those who fear him. Turn to John 6. It's a good thing you guys can pause the podcast, right? Verse 44. It's a ways down, close to the end, right? And verse 44 says, Now think about this. God decides... to draw you to himself. No man comes to Jesus except the Father draws him. See, there's no place in God's Word stating he only forgives if you can explain the reason why you chose to be a sinner. Why did you choose to sin? Now, maybe this sounds really, really simple, but it's really black and white. If you confess your sin, he's faithful and just to forgive your sin and cleanse you from all unrighteousness. He promises this, period, in 1 John 1.9. So your brokenness, your fear, your shame, should just lead you closer to Jesus, not further from Him. And yet, what we do is we grapple onto this, I deserve death, I deserve punishment thing, judging ourselves even after we've asked the Lord to not judge us based on our sin because we've accepted Christ. You know, His Spirit is what draws us to Him. He still wanted me enough to do that. He used my pain and my suffering to draw me to Himself. This means it was all His idea. Without great need for a Savior, We tend not to look for one. But the Word tells us there is none that's worthy. So this whole idea of being unworthy is true. Yes, we are unworthy. Regardless, the offer is made by Him to everyone, even to our earthly fathers who broke our heart and those who have abused us, who we can agree those guys aren't worthy either, right? We know earthly fathers that abandon and men who abuse little girls are not worthy of His forgiveness, are not worthy of His grace. You need to know that no matter the depth of your offenses to God and no matter the depth of your father's offenses toward you, God stands ready to love you with an eternal, unending, sacrificial, I would just do anything for you, kind of love. Do you believe that? Place yourself where you belong, right under the cleansing blood of Christ, and place him where he belongs, graciously paying your debt and calling you his own. Think of it for a moment. Regardless... of my past, there is now no condemnation because I'm covered by the blood of my Savior who loves me and gave himself up for me. Right? Look in Galatians 2.20. And you, my friend, we are unworthy. So are our earthly fathers. So are those who abuse us. But Jesus Christ claims us worthy when we have faith in him That's something you should praise the Lord about today, don't you think? I think so too. Thanks for joining me today, guys, on the Chronicles of the Christian Drama Queen. Just a couple of reminders. Don't forget you find the videos on YouTube. Just look for Christian Drama Queen. And you can also go to my website, ChristianDramaQueen.com, where you'll find some free resources that are available. And of course, you can get on my mailing list, look for the Bible studies. You can send me an email, Lisa at ChristianDramaQueen.com. I will be happy to spiral bind the Bible studies for you if you buy them from me using my email for that. Make sure you share me with a friend, guys. There are a lot of people out there just like you and me who need to be encouraged to know that even though they are Christian drama queen, God is working all things together for good. And listen, you know I love you.