Growth and Gratitude Amidst Life's Toughest Challenges (part 2)

As the world spins on, we've all faced our share of pivotal moments that redefine our paths. When Pam and I sat down to share our narratives, we didn't just recount stories; we opened a window into the resilience that's needed when life throws its curveballs. From the haunting silence echoing through cities in lockdown to the hearty laughter over our children's wild escape plans, we uncovered the strength inherent in adversity and the beauty of community support, inviting you to join us on a journey through profound personal tales and collective experiences that have left indelible marks on our lives.

There's a certain magic in reaching out, a simple act with the power to bridge distances and heal spirits, and it's a theme that weaves through our conversation. The pandemic taught us to slow down, to savor those meaningful exchanges that arise from a thoughtful message or a long-overdue call. I recall a lesson from my youth, a car accident that brought forth a lifetime of caution, serving as a reminder that our past is ever-present, shaping our reactions and our mindfulness. It's these echoes from our history that underscore the significance of connecting, slowing down, and truly living in the now.

Confronting life's challenges doesn't just build character; it's an art form. In discussing the art of "doing hard better," we explore how wrestling with life's toughest moments—for instance, my own brush with cancer—can lead to growth, intention, and an unshakeable sense of gratitude. Laughter sprinkles our conversation as we play with the idea of our lives as fodder for an epic screenplay, but beneath the humor, there's a raw honesty about the paths we've chosen and the support that's seen us through. Strap in for an episode that's not just about surviving the storm but dancing in the rain.

Transcript

Speaker 1: 0:06

In the grand theater of life. We all seek a comeback, a resurgence, a rekindling of our inner fire. But how do we spark that flame? Welcome to Reignite Resilience. This is not just another podcast. This is a journey, a venture into the heart of human spirit, the power of resilience and the art of reigniting our passions.

Speaker 2: 0:29

Welcome back to part two of our discussion on major life events that have impacted our own individual lives. We hope that you've enjoyed part one. In this episode, Pam and I are going to continue to dive deeper into our own personal experiences and some instances that have formed and continue to form how we show up and the decisions and choices that we make in life. We hope you enjoy.

Speaker 1: 0:56

It's not what it would have been, but I don't really don't know that we're ever going to know the full impact probably not for years to come of what it's done to this generation of kids that were in college, that were seniors in high school or in high school, and young kids that were in elementary school whose parents were trying to work and survive and oh, by the way, now you got to be a teacher.

Speaker 2: 1:19

And you're an educator. Yeah, you're the teacher, you're the principal, you're the counselor, and you also get to be mom and dad or grandma, or whatever it is.

Speaker 1: 1:27

By the way, work your job so that you can pay the bills. Yeah, I remember watching. I love Andre Bocelli. He did an event where he was at some cathedral, I think in Italy, where he there was no one around. He walked through the cathedral, into the front steps of the cathedral and he sang Amazing Grace. And they did these panoramic videos of all of the major cities in the world and there was nobody on the streets, like New York, tokyo. I mean that was the most beautiful but eerie thing I think I've ever seen. If you haven't watched that, I would go to YouTube and Amazing Grace, andrea Bocelli, pandemic watch it. I mean you will get goosebumps, but it was the eeriest thing and I'm hoping something we never see again. Yeah, yeah, I will never forget where I was and how much that impacted me.

Speaker 2: 2:24

You're right, we're still navigating through that, right Like that's not over. We're still kind of figuring that out. Here we are, you know, four plus years, oh, four years right around now, four years out, and it's like what does that true impact look like? And I know, you know, knowing kids that were seniors in high school, and the impact that it had on their college career, right, especially the kids that had like scholarships for athletic scholarships. Those were all on hold, right Like it's you know, thank you for that, but we're not.

Speaker 2: 2:58

that program's on hold for right now, and so those kids were drastically impacted in terms of opportunity. They didn't have the resources to continue on. For me, I feel like I spent a lot more time in the principal era than I did in like the teacher era, when my daughter was learning at home.

Speaker 1: 3:15

It was like yeah, because I'm pretty sure didn't, you and I? In the same week, along with one of our other friends, we each had a child that tried to sneak out of the house.

Speaker 2: 3:24

Oh yeah, oh yeah, some great things. My here was my thing. It wasn't like making sure that she was learning the curriculum, it was like can you just turn on the computer so that you are logging into class Like, just log in, please, just log in, please log in. No, it was so great, the sneak out. I'm going to have to call that like the week of sneak out.

Speaker 1: 3:47

It was classic A hundred percent, Because I was like you know, the kids need to be in school when they can't even effectively sneak out of their house.

Speaker 2: 3:54

You can't even do that well, but it happened the same week and I remember, like I'm having this moment. My daughter tries to sneak out of the house. I call Pam and she's like oh funny, same story. Her son tries to sneak out, and then we're talking to another one of our friends, who lives on the other side of the country, by the way.

Speaker 1: 4:17

And he's like oh no our daughter tried to sneak out. It was like it was a trifecta. I was like was something posted somewhere on like TikTok, like how did they?

Speaker 2: 4:27

get this memo.

Speaker 1: 4:28

Night to night. Let's all sneak out and get caught.

Speaker 2: 4:34

Oh my gosh, the fun stories. I'm sure there are other things that happened that I didn't know about. And it's fine, my children, you guys, can leave it that way. Thank you, yes yes, thank you.

Speaker 1: 4:42

I don't even want to know 20 years from now, when I'm old and don't care anymore.

Speaker 2: 4:45

Exactly, just don't even tell me.

Speaker 1: 4:46

Just let me live in ignorance, exactly.

Speaker 2: 4:49

Let me live in this blissful state that we made it and you're successful humans. Let's just be great with that. Oh my gosh.

Speaker 1: 4:55

Well, pam, outside of, like the big pieces, yeah, yeah because I think we've all can think back on significant things that have happened that you know have completely either changed a direction that we've made, a decision that we've made or something. And the one story that I kind of started with was the you were on my mind real estate. I partnered up with a beautiful woman. Her name and I'm going to say her name in honor of her Anifa Lippert. I was in my 30s, she was in her 70s and we were eerily like the same people, just like different generations, and became instant friends. And she ended up having to retire due to health stuff. I took over her business and it was years later and I it was the week of her birthday, which was right before Thanksgiving, and it was a Saturday, and I said and she came to my mind. And she came to my mind because her birthday was that Wednesday and I was like, oh, I should just call her right now. And I was like, no, I'm going to call her on her birthday, I'm going to surprise her like on her birthday.

Speaker 1: 6:06

And that next day she was killed in a car accident going to church. She was hit head on by a drunk driver and I just remember I was on the phone and her daughter kept calling me and I was like, well, that's weird. And I finally told the person I was on the phone with hey, I need to grab this call. I'll never forget that and the regret I felt, and still to this day feel, for not having there was a reason. She came to my mind and I should have listened to it. So if you get nothing out of this podcast, if somebody comes to your mind, call them, because there's a reason they came to your mind and you don't want to have those regrets in your life. You know end every day saying you know what? I did everything. I have no regrets today and that's how we should live our lives. So that was one big, significant one for me. What about you?

Speaker 2: 6:58

Well, I've been really intentional about that. Like the top of mind folks, when they come to mind, it's just recently and I think it came out of. So I rarely watch television, for whatever reason. I'm now in a time that I pick up these little mini series that I start to watch and there's I don't know what channel it's streaming on, but it's Apple's Never Fall. It's like a little suspense thriller. What have you? Oh, I like it. Okay, I'm not gonna give it away.

Speaker 2: 7:25

But the mom mom of four kids. The whole story starts where she's called all four of the children and none of them answer the phone and then something tragic happens and for me I was like, shoot, what if? Like something like that happens right. Like what if it's a, like Pam just mentioned, like you get the phone call but you're on the other line. It's like, oh, I'll just get back to them later. In that moment it could make a huge or significant difference. So I've just started like if someone comes to mind, even when it's weird, or the other person thinks, if I think the other person may think it's weird, I just say it like, hey, you just came to mind. I just wanted to let you know that I'm thinking about you. I'm grateful to have you in my life. I hope you're having an amazing day. Carry on right Like that's it.

Speaker 1: 8:07

Just wanted to let you know that I'm thinking about you.

Speaker 2: 8:09

And typically, like nine out of 10 times, the response back is oh my gosh, I was thinking about you too. I actually just mentioned your name to da da da and it turns into this whole. I'm trying not to take those little downloads, those little I call them like the nudges from the universe, to just let somebody know that you're thinking about them, that you're grateful that they're a part of your life, because you have no idea where they are, what they're going through, what it means to them in that moment, because I have also had those moments where I've reached out to people to just say, hey, I'm just thinking about you, you want to make sure that you're doing okay and they're not. Yeah, and no one has checked on them, and right, we just go through life just thinking that everyone is fine dealing with their own stuff, and the reality is that they're not.

Speaker 1: 8:58

They're not okay with it, yeah, and I think it's so easy in today's day and age where we're all busy yeah, busy with lives, and you know, it was like we were busy. The pandemic happened, everything shut down and we all kind of got comfortable in that, yes, and everything like the floodgates opened and everything. And I feel like I'm busier now than I was before and part of me is like I wonder if this is psychologically, because I'm afraid that it's going to shut down again. I got to get as much done as I can now before it stops. I don't know, I don't know if that's what the case is, but there is some belief that I'm like I gotta, I gotta keep going, I got stuff to do before something happens, and so which I kind of take that same approach, but it's instead of doing stuff.

Speaker 2: 9:46

I'm like I want to experience everything before. It's like not an option anymore. Right, so I've taken like the busyness off and it's like you know what I think now's a good time for me to take a little vacation and unplug. Like I need to unplug and enjoy whatever it is Like, even if it's in your own backyard. There are so many things that we have that are available to us in our own backyards, like our own backyards, right, like just nature and its beauty, or whatever is available within your community, like taking those moments, not missing those opportunities. Yeah, yeah, your community.

Speaker 1: 10:14

Like taking those moments, not missing those opportunities. Yeah, yeah, I agree, all right.

Speaker 2: 10:16

Other other significant so one that comes to mind is like one that's early in my life, not too early, when I started to drive, and the reason I bring it up is because I still carry this fear with me fear, bias. We'll see what it is Both it might be both, but when I I mean I think I had my driver's license, maybe six months, okay, and as a teenager you know it's always the thing Like you've got to have a clean car and all of this right. So every Sunday was my routine. I would make sure that my car was washed and vacuumed and I'd fill it up with gas for the week so that I didn't have to deal with that. Even at a young age I was still a Virgo, so I would do that on Sundays.

Speaker 2: 10:57

And I remember one Sunday I had just washed my car, vacuumed out the inside and I was going to get gas and I just went to the gas station that was close to my house. I was pulling, I had filled up with gas and I was pulling out of the gas station and a car stopped to let me go to turn, to make a left turn across three lanes of traffic and there was a I didn't see it at the time a massive like 1980s custom van that decided to overtake the car that was letting me go and ran smack dab into the driver's side, Basically like totaled the car and I'm just like the airbags didn't deploy. But I'm like in this small little two-door coupy car and I just got hit by 1980 custom van. In my mind today, anytime I see a 1980 custom van, first of all the first thought is I wonder if that's the same van that hit me Like that's where I go.

Speaker 2: 11:56

I'm like I bet it is. I'm in a whole different part of the country, but that's my first thought, doesn't matter. And then I go back and I kind of have this sense of fear because I still drive a small koopy car right Like I don't drive a big monster van or anything like that. And so whenever one of those cars pulls up next to me, I kind of have this sense of anxiety that overcomes me, like oh my gosh, I don't want them to hit me. Any other car can hit me, knock on wood. I'm not trying to say that, don't speak that into it Exactly, but for whatever reason, the only one that I envision like possibly hitting me is because of that, the accident that I had when I was 16 years old, but that was a big life-changing event for me. Now I am super cautious on left turns, like even if someone gives me the clear to go, I'm like nope, I'm good, keep going, I'm moving along.

Speaker 1: 12:44

Yeah, no, thank you.

Speaker 2: 12:45

And that was years ago, years ago, right, and so those are like that was a small one that I'd like an actual event that still sticks out for me. Because that I like an actual event that still sticks out for me Because, again, that ended in me going to the hospital in an ambulance, the other party going to the hospital in ambulance At 16 years old, having to do a police report and filing what happened, like all of that, and I just again, luckily I had a cell phone, so I was like dad, come get me.

Speaker 1: 13:12

Yes, oh my gosh. Well, I think that that's a reminder is when we have significant things happen in our lives, it becomes part of who we are, yes, and it's always there and it can form triggers, a hundred percent. And so I think that's just important. When we react certain ways to things, you know asking that question like what is causing this response? And it's always been because of something that happened, something else that impacted us. And I think sometimes, you know, our brain protects us and tries to forget some of those significant things that have happened, yeah, especially if they were painful things. A hundred percent.

Speaker 2: 13:50

Not forget it. They file it, they file it way back. We're going to put that back.

Speaker 1: 13:54

We're going to suppress that A hundred percent Until that van comes driving up to you and then you're going to panic.

Speaker 2: 14:03

The brain is a beautiful, beautiful thing. It's a beautiful beautiful thing, isn't it? Yes, oh my gosh, oh my gosh. Well, I mean when we talk about, like those triggers that can pop up in a variety of ways, right Like mine, is a car accident right.

Speaker 2: 14:17

And I get it. I'm a very cautious driver anyway. I am risk averse in general, but I mean it definitely. Who knows, had that not occurred, maybe I wouldn't have been a cautious driver, because I do think there were times where I wasn't as cautious in driving and that moment happened, and then I'm like, oh yeah.

Speaker 1: 14:42

I'm not invincible. I need to like be more attentive to what I'm doing. Yeah, yeah, yeah, oh my gosh. Okay, any other significant events, do you think?

Speaker 2: 14:46

Oh, I've had a ton, but you know it's only I know yeah.

Speaker 1: 14:50

It's only one podcast. I mean we could go on for days. That's why we're doing a podcast on resilience.

Speaker 2: 14:55

Exactly, I know I could start. There's so many, oh my gosh, I could go through.

Speaker 1: 15:07

The only one other one that had a huge impact on my life was that phone call I got from my doctor saying that I had cancer. And I remember I mean you were the first person I called after that and I just remember where I was, at what time it was, where I was going, and that was just a significant one. And it was significant because for me it was like this huge wake up call to like slow down and be present. You're not invincible, yeah, and that was really important. And so now I can sometimes attribute you know you're so driven. Is it because you know that life is fleeting and life is short and you have greater appreciation? Yeah, you never know when you're going to get that call, and so live every moment. And so I think that's part of why I am wired how I am now. Yeah, or maybe I was always like that, I don't know.

Speaker 2: 15:52

No, I think you are, but it's okay, I like that, always like that. I don't know. No, I think you were, but it's okay, I like that.

Speaker 1: 15:55

You said that yeah you don't have to blame it on that.

Speaker 2: 15:58

So yeah, if you don't have friends that call you out, you guys go get you one, go get yourself one of them. They're good to have. I'm like that's so cute.

Speaker 2: 16:07

No, you've always been that way it just has a different focus and because, like and you were not one that took life for granted anyway, like you were all about experiences and making sure that you had great experiences with your kids, like that was something that you didn't take it for granted and you definitely were a driver in terms of your career. I think it just feels different for you.

Speaker 1: 16:27

Yeah, just a new, I guess. A new perspective, same thing, different perspective, exactly.

Speaker 2: 16:32

Exactly.

Speaker 1: 16:33

Yeah, all right. Well, life, as we've said on many episodes, it's messy, but it's also beautiful. And whether you go through something as a community or as a country or as a world something, it changes us. Even if you don't think it does, there's some sort of change that happens in each one of us, and oftentimes that change leads to who we are ultimately going to become and meant to become. So it's just all part of our journey, and so sometimes they're really hard and messy. But if you're alive and you're living, stuff happens. It happens, and if it hasn't happened to you yet, well, you're either in denial or you're just, I was going to say look harder, look harder.

Speaker 1: 17:19

No, I was like you're in denial and I'm sorry to say, or you're a newborn and that's it.

Speaker 1: 17:25

And it just hasn't happened yet. But I mean, and it will continue to happen. It's not like you have one thing happen and then you're never going to have adversity again. It happens, but I really believe that every adversity that we go through is preparing us for the next chapter. I recently watched a video and I don't remember her name. She is a basketball coach at Duke and she talked about we need to learn how to do hard better and it all comes to. Every time we go through something hard, it's making the next hard thing a little bit easier, and if you're waiting for life to get easy, it's never going to happen. Yeah, absolutely.

Speaker 1: 18:07

Do hard, better. Exactly, I love that.

Speaker 2: 18:10

I take it a step further, like do hard better, and then, if you have control over it, do the hard things first, right. Like I take it a step further, like do hard better and then, if you have control over it, do the hard things first, right. Like that's just.

Speaker 2: 18:16

It Do the hard things first, yeah, so even if you face those adversities and your approach is to sweep it under the rug, which I was there, I did it, I know it.

Speaker 2: 18:25

You have that opportunity.

Speaker 2: 18:26

Face it head on first and then you get to move on to the other things.

Speaker 2: 18:29

But, again, I know that these, every adversity that we face, it gives us an opportunity to grow, to learn, to expand, to level up, whatever you'd like to think of it, however you want to look at it, and good, bad or indifferent right, we talked about tragic events that we've experienced as a world, as a country, and then individually, but these, again, looking at those as opportunities to think okay, how can I change my perspective on life? I may be doing the exact same things, but the perspective that I have looks different. Right, pam just shared that. How could I be more intentional or aware, you know, in terms of what we're doing, or even have gratitude and appreciation for experiences that we have, even though it looks different and it feels different and the people involved may be different, we still have that choice of you know. Do we want to leverage this to our advantage, to learn from it, to grow, to expand, or do we want to wallow in it and, you know, wish that it didn't happen to us, and that doesn't help, because it happened and that's reality.

Speaker 1: 19:34

It happened and you have a choice. You know allow it to happen to you or you let it happen for you, for us, and sometimes, and and you know when we've you know outside of personal stuff, you know when we've faced significant things that have happened in our professional careers and we get to this crossroads. Where do we pick an easy road or do we lean into the hard road? Exactly, and sometimes we go, we stick to fear and we stay the easy course because we're like this is just easier. It may not be the better. Sometimes you have to lean into the fear and I've had to make decisions in my career where the easy way would have been easier for sure, absolutely, but it would not have been the best road for me and I had to lean into fear and, man, it was scary. But if you have a village around you and you lean into that fear, it's always been the best decision. Yeah, always been the best decision.

Speaker 2: 20:37

Agreed.

Speaker 1: 20:37

I agree wholeheartedly all right, I liked this episode. I was like. I was like, is this going to be something that we? No, I'm glad we dug, we dug into it. So absolutely.

Speaker 2: 20:49

Pam asked. She's like what's happened in your life? I'm like, oh my gosh, we don't have enough episodes to talk about that. That's a novel.

Speaker 1: 20:56

Lots of chapters.

Speaker 2: 20:58

It might be the miniseries or the book, or you know. If somebody wants to write it and make it a screenplay, call me.

Speaker 1: 21:05

Oh, I like that I would like to play myself please.

Speaker 2: 21:09

I'm pretty good, actually. No, if I were cast for something, quite honestly, it wouldn't be myself, like the person in my mind is, like the Laura Croft personality Is that her name Laura.

Speaker 1: 21:21

Croft.

Speaker 2: 21:21

Yeah, I think so. She's like the. She's like the not GI Jane gal, but you know she's kind of a badass Like she. Yeah, I totally can see that.

Speaker 1: 21:30

Okay, I can do that. That's what I want to do, so, okay, all right, all right.

Speaker 2: 21:34

Well, let's rewrite it. I'll play someone else's story.

Speaker 1: 21:40

Oh my gosh, all right. Oh my gosh. This was awesome. It filled my cup today and I hope it did our audience as well.

Speaker 2: 21:47

Exactly, exactly Well. Thank you all for listening. We hope that you have enjoyed this episode. If you want more information about Reignite Resilience and what we have going on, head over to reigniteresiliencecom. If you want to become part of our VIP community, you can either subscribe on your streaming channel or do so at reigniteresiliencecom. We have a ton of bonus content and material out there for you, and we have masterclass sessions that are occurring throughout the year. If you are interested in learning more about those master classes or subscribing to our newsletter, again it's at reigniteresiliencecom. We look forward to seeing you all soon. Have a good one, thanks, guys. Thank you for joining us on today's episode of Reignite Resilience. We hope that you had amazing ahas and takeaways. Remember to subscribe on your favorite streaming platform, like it and download the upcoming episodes, and if you know anyone in your life that is looking to continue to ignite their resilience, share it with them. We look forward to seeing you on our future episodes and until then, continue to reignite that fire within your hearts.