Breaking Cycles + Resiliency with Kevin Palmieri (part 2)

Have you ever considered the possibility that resilience isn't just about enduring pain, but about accepting and growing from it? That's the question Kevin Palmieri and I grapple with in our latest soul-stirring exchange. We delve into the complexities of human relationships, particularly the ones closest to us, and the consequential decisions we face when growth and personal boundaries collide. Kevin shares his transformative experience of meeting his father for the first time, a moment that reshaped his concept of family and self. Together, we examine the fine line between using our past as an excuse versus an explanation for current behaviors, and how a shift in empathy can redefine the connections we choose to nurture or the boundaries we decide to enforce.

In this heartfelt dialogue, we also address the societal pressures that often dictate how we should interact with family members or authority figures. I recount a personal decision to end a long-standing friendship that no longer served my path to fulfillment, illustrating the kind of tough choices that paved the way for a healthier existence. We speak candidly about the significance of establishing boundaries not just for our own well-being but as a means to break negative cycles, potentially influencing others in positive ways. Discover how the courage to embrace self-discovery and authenticity can lead to setting meaningful goals and maintaining motivation, all while navigating the waters of personal development. Join us as we share insights and strategies that can help you stay grounded and intentional, no matter where your journey takes you.

Transcript

Speaker 1: 0:06

in the grand theater of life. We all seek a comeback, resurgence, a rekindling of our inner fire. But how do we spark that flame? Welcome to reignite resilience. This is not just another podcast. This is a journey, a venture into the heart of human spirit, the power of resilience and the art of reigniting our passions.

Speaker 2: 0:29

Welcome back to part two of our two-part interview with Kevin Palmieri. We are going to pick up right where we left off. We're excited to dive back in. Kevin just shared with us the impact that meeting his dad for the first time had on him and in his life in terms of how he was able to set boundaries and how he was showing up. We're also going to hear from Kevin, as he shares, from a place of vulnerability where it may have looked like he had life all figured out on the outside, but on the inside it might've been a little bit more like a hot mess. And venturing out to find that level of authenticity so that he can show up consistently for those in his life. We hope you enjoy.

Speaker 2: 1:09

I think you have that opportunity because of the connection that you realize in that moment. His journey is not your journey and nor does it have to continue to play a part or a role or be an obstacle in your journey, and I think that's a big piece. I think closure is something that people you know we often talk about. Oh, you get the closure with it, and I don't think that that's it. I think that what you experienced and what you went through was this growth Like it was truly completion of the puzzle piece, in order for you to have this realization that that core wound that you had again yes, it's a wound that you have and you may still continue to work through it, but has no bearing on your actual journey? It was your dad's that he was going through.

Speaker 3: 1:55

Yeah, it was easier for me to practice empathy. Yes, yeah, you're not put together now. I can imagine how hard it must've been for you when I was born 27 years ago. I can only imagine. I can only imagine it was almost like I don't know. It was almost like it allowed me to take it less personally. You didn't do this to hurt me and I understand that's a fine line, right, like we can over. We can over give people credit for stuff like that. But you didn't decide one day. You know what I'm going to try to make his life really hard. That's. That's not what you did. That wasn't what it was. So that also helped me personalize it a little better.

Speaker 3: 2:35

There was a I saw this somewhere on social media. I wish I remembered so I could credit the person. But they said there's a difference between an excuse and an explanation. An excuse is I did this because of blank or whatever. That person had trauma. Whatever An explanation is well, that person had trauma and unfortunately, that trauma went unresolved and that trauma got passed on to you. That's kind of how I look at it now I have at least I have an explanation, yeah, yeah absolutely.

Speaker 1: 3:02

I was talking with my coach the other day and we were talking about somebody that has a relationship with their parent and about giving yourself permission to reframe that relationship and the expectations you have in that person and putting them in a box Like these are the expectations I have for this person and as long as they're inside that box, it's not gonna I'm not gonna allow it to impact me. And I was like that's such a powerful thing to think about and I and I've done that with with people in my life where I'm like this is the expectations I have of this person and as long as I'm okay with that and I keep them in that box, I don't give them the permission to impact me in my life. That's so powerful, yeah, and so I think that's kind of what you did. You got to this place where you're like this is who my dad is, these are the expectations, and I'm okay and I don't need to have that in my world.

Speaker 3: 3:54

Yeah, I didn't want him to. I mean, the other thing is what, am I going to take responsibility to help him change? I'm not willing to do that. And you know the thing that really like broke the Campbell's back. He commented something on one of my Facebook posts about like hey man, the mustache has to go, or something like that, and I was like hold on, wait wait, wait.

Speaker 2: 4:14

First of all, welcome.

Speaker 3: 4:16

That's what we're doing. That's what, how, how out of touch, how disconnected, how entitled are you where you think you're going to tell me how to live my life via a Facebook comment, sir? So that that piece for me was like I don't know if I could ever bring your and it's going to sound bad, but bring your awareness up to a place where we could be similar on awareness, yeah, right. And the other hard thing is you have no idea what I'm doing with my life. There are very few people who can call me during the day and we'll get a response. You're not one of them. You're not one of them. My wife is one of them, alan is one of them, yeah, and there's very few others, yeah. So that it was like do I want to try to practice setting boundaries and resetting boundaries with this man? I don't think it's going to be worth it for me. I just don't. I can't see it being worth it. Yeah, absolutely.

Speaker 1: 5:12

Yeah, and I think it's such a strong message because everybody has a story and we've all. We all have triggers and it's our choice whether to dive deep and figure out what are those triggers, how can I grow and learn from those triggers so that it doesn't create this pattern in my life of the same thing over and over again and we're like why do I keep getting the same stuff? Well, because you're attracted to what's familiar and you haven't dealt with all the stuff from your past that you need to deal with. And I think the journey of this podcast that's been so powerful for me is to hear everybody's story, because if I, like you said, if I saw you on the street, I may come up with an opinion of you, but then when you get to know somebody and hear their story, everybody's got an incredible, beautiful story. So that empathy piece is just so powerful. Love it.

Speaker 3: 6:02

Everybody has adversity, probably beyond what we can fathom Absolutely Just different. Yes, it's just different. One of the questions I get often is like what's your number one lesson from all the podcast episodes and it's changed. It changes over time. I said honestly, the number one lesson is every single human walking this planet has some level of adversity. Some people's adversity is their lack of adversity. Everybody has it. Everybody has something. I had a friend tell me one time he's like sometimes I feel guilty and I was like what do you mean? Why he's like? Because my childhood wasn't like yours. And I said that's never. You don't ever have to feel guilty about that. Not around me. No good for you, man. But you got your own stuff, don't worry about not having my stuff. We, but you got your own stuff, don't worry about not having my stuff. We all have our own stuff. It's just different. It's sometimes the lack of adversity creates the perspective of adversity. It's a weird thing when we start comparing.

Speaker 2: 6:53

Yeah, Well, kevin, you said something very quickly in passing and I don't want to miss this opportunity and it was the statement that you made about you taking responsibility for your dad's journey. You said what am I going to do? Take responsibility for that, for his growth, for his commitment to growing and expanding. And I think the statement may challenge some of our listeners' core beliefs, but oftentimes we have people in our lives that hold a specific title, so in your case it's your dad.

Speaker 2: 7:25

But insert, whatever title or role an individual has in your life, and the boundaries that we create and the expectations that we create for the people that are going to be a part of our lives shouldn't be dismissed or less important because someone holds a title right. And so if you're not going to allow a certain type of behavior or personality or lack of integrity or whatever you may fill in the blank with in terms of a value within your life, I would say and I'm going to challenge our listeners, I know it's going to go against a lot of people's core beliefs. Take a look at that. I mean simply because they have the title of mom, dad, grandmother, sibling, cousin, aunt, boss. Question that. If you're not willing to face it head on. What Pam mentioned is you're just going to keep getting more of it. It's just going to keep showing up over and over in your life if you can't address it with that individual or those individuals, if there are more than one.

Speaker 3: 8:19

I've always said, a really good tell for how good of a partner you are or your partner is. Would you want somebody that you care about deeply to date, someone like your partner, the way your partner treats you? Would you want your best friend to get treated like that? I think it's the same for your family and again, I don't want to trigger anyone. I genuinely don't. But why is it that some of the people closest to us get to treat us the worst? Well, who signed up for that? That's not fair to you. And is the justification? Well, they are my blank. That's not fair. No, that's not fair at all. You didn't decide that. Yeah, it's weird. It's a weird, weird, weird thing.

Speaker 3: 8:59

Now, one of the greatest benefits of not growing up with a father and a normal, quote-unquote Childhood is I have a very weird relationship with relationships. I'm somebody who moves on from people very quickly, because I had a best friend and I was dating a young lady at the time. So she said to me I want to meet your friends and I said, sure, let's do it. I live with one of my best friends. We'll have my other friend over, we'll do it. And I was like, yeah, one of them you're going to love. He's like my big brother, he's amazing, he's going to be so supportive, he's curious about you, he loves me, he's going to love you, you're going to be fine the best. He's awesome, big brother. And I said the other one yeah, he's going to be mean and he's going to make fun stuff that he shouldn't say for sure, for sure. And he's going to say well, that's just who I am. And I thought to myself imagine if somebody that I cared about had to preface me meeting somebody that they cared about with that.

Speaker 3: 9:58

And I said this was one of my favorite questions. It's a challenging question Are the people in your life, regardless of their position, the best from your past or the best for your future? Are they what's best for 10 years from today, or have they just held space because they're supposed to? I don't speak to that person anymore. I haven't spoken to that person in years. It saddens me. I am so sad, I genuinely. I cry about it. I'm not happy, it sucks, it sucks, but I also believe that's what's best for my future. This person was very close to me, best man. At his wedding I held all of his children the day they were born Very, very, very close. I take a level of responsibility because I could have communicated that faster. I could have, I could have more proactively said hey, man, when you do blank, it makes me feel this way, so that's on me.

Speaker 3: 10:50

I take responsibility for that. I let it get too far and then the rubber band snapped and there was no repairing it. Great lesson for me. Great lesson, hopefully, for everyone. But yeah, it's hard, it's hard. It's just because somebody is super close to you does not mean they should have the privilege to be terrible to you. That ain't it. That ain't it.

Speaker 2: 11:10

We shouldn't want to sign up for that. Anyway, I don't want to sign up for that, no thank you yeah.

Speaker 3: 11:17

Unfortunately, a lot of us just get signed up for it. That's the beauty of, and that's where I think we all should have the opportunity to take pride for our growth. The weird thing is you're growing for you, but there's so many people who are going to be are going to benefit from that. You're literally in the process of breaking the cycle, so it doesn't happen to whoever you're around, and I think that's one of the most powerful things in the world. Yes, you may only be able to control yourself and influence yourself more than anything, but you're also going to influence people later with the evolved version of you, and that's awesome. And you're not going to pass on the crap that you had to get through, and I think that's the human journey in a nutshell.

Speaker 2: 11:59

Yeah, that's the beautiful part of life, that's for sure. That's what I think about it's not easy but it is beautiful. No, it's challenging, but it's worth it. It's worth it, it's totally worth it. Yeah, that's where fulfillment lives.

Speaker 3: 12:11

Fulfillment does not live in easy. Yeah, fulfillment does not live in again, social media land. Sure, wake up and go sip margaritas on the beach all day. I'm telling you it's going to get boring. It's going to get boring. We need challenge, we need growth, we need resistance, we need reaching, we need accomplishment, growth and contribution. That stuff is. It's Friday. I'm sure we've all had long weeks, but I love a Friday after a long, productive, aligned, fulfilling week. I'll tell you what. The Fridays where I don't do anything, that's very rare. But the Fridays where I don't do anything and I get to the end of the week, they just don't hit the same. It's like, ah, it's like I kind of wasted this, this opportunity, so that's, that's my spiel. I love it All right.

Speaker 1: 12:54

What exciting things are on the horizon for you.

Speaker 3: 12:57

Yeah man, I'm going, I'm. This is like very time stamped. I'm going to Scotland with my wife in two weeks. Wow, so very excited about that Awesome.

Speaker 2: 13:09

First time for both of you.

Speaker 3: 13:11

First time in Scotland. I've been to England before, but yeah, I've never. I've never been to Scotland. That was the number one place she wanted to go. Okay, and she's the best. She's a you want to talk about a trooper down for the down for the mission? She's the best. So very excited to do that in terms of business and stuff. We're just going to keep doing an episode every day forever and try to get a little bit better every day. It's very unsexy, what we do is very unsexy, but it leads to the path that we're trying to go down. So those are the exciting things I'd say, but it's fulfilling.

Speaker 1: 13:42

It's kind of one of those things I know with and I probably speak for Natalie but when we do this podcast, I don't care how tired I am going into it, I always feel energized when I'm done, and so when you're doing something that you love every single day and it's taking you on the path that you want to go down, that's a beautiful thing.

Speaker 2: 13:58

I agree, I agree. Well, I'm going to call Kevin out on it. So here we go. All right, let's hear it Not arguing that at all. But it's more, kevin, what you're doing is more than just the podcast episodes. I mean, you're really helping people like dive deeper, do the personal work that you're witnessing and taking part in other people achieving success in their lives as well. So it's, it goes beyond the podcast. Thank you for being humble, but I'm calling you out on it, sorry. No, no, you're good, I appreciate it.

Speaker 3: 14:29

I appreciate it. It's again. Here's the thing for me. This is what I wanted to do. Yeah, I was the kid who said, oh my goodness, if I could do that for a living, if I could podcast for a living are you kidding me? How awesome would life be. I still have moments like a, like a dingo, or I forget how grateful I should be. I do. I have moments like that, yeah, but when I do stuff like this, it's like this is what I dreamed of. I literally dreamed of this. Yeah, don't, you can't ever take that for granted. You can't ever take that for granted. And when I the beautiful thing is I get to be interviewed by amazing humans like you who are earlier in the journey and you're hungry for it, and you have the luster of like. This is so exciting and that helps reinvigorate me and never forget what that was like. So, mirror back to you for bringing out the best in me hopefully Awesome.

Speaker 2: 15:22

I love that. That's so great, oh my gosh. Well, kevin, our stories are so similar. It's, as you were saying, like sharing your story with us and with the listeners. Not that our stories are so similar. It's, as you were saying, like sharing your story with us and with the listeners. Not that our stories are the same, but the themes are pretty consistent in terms of life. Add 15 years to that, but that's okay.

Speaker 2: 15:38

We're not going to age myself in that, but truly I mean looking from the outside in. I do remember just maybe even as early as five years ago. From the outside it may have looked like I had it all together On the inside, totally lost and confused, and I did the work for about 10 years before that and getting to that point where I realized I'm still not being authentic to who I am. I'm not living in alignment with my purpose, but I'm doing the things that I know that everyone else expects me to do. And the just one day I woke up and I said I can't live until I'm 80 doing this. That's not gonna work. I really need to like honor what's important to me and recognizing that, because no one else is going to find that, and honor it for you. That's the realization.

Speaker 2: 16:26

No one else will discover that for you to honor it.

Speaker 3: 16:29

Well, most people don't know. That's the thing. You know. Who knows what's best for you? You, yes. You just might not know it yet, and other people can help and add and redirect, but nobody knows what you're thinking before you go to bed. Yeah, only you. Only you really know.

Speaker 2: 16:43

So Exactly.

Speaker 3: 16:44

Very, very proud of you for doing the work.

Speaker 2: 16:46

Thank you, thank you, yeah, and I feel like I'm fortunate I'm. I've been able to do the work, I've had a lot of discovery, I'm continuing to have that personal growth, but at this chapter in life, I know what fills my bucket. I know the gifts that I've received. I'm willing to share my gifts and talent and treasure, you know, with my community, and not a lot of people get to that place in one lifetime, so I'm truly grateful to be in this place, but, yeah, the journey still continues Forever.

Speaker 3: 17:15

Yeah, forever. What's the other choice? Well, I don't want to explore that one.

Speaker 2: 17:21

That doesn't sound fun. It doesn't. Whatever it is, it's not good. You guys don't have to.

Speaker 3: 17:26

We all will one day, and that's the extra necessity we need to say we all will one day, and that's the extra necessity we need to say look, you got another day, another opportunity. You know, give it what you can. It doesn't have to be a hundred percent Sometimes 30% is a hundred percent but give it what you can.

Speaker 2: 17:44

I love it. I love that. Well, kevin, we are doing a goal setting masterclass this weekend, which is going to time this whole thing, but anyway, it's fine, We'll put the timestamp on it, but we're doing a masterclass. But one of the things that Pam and I often talk about is mindset. So I'd love if you would just share with the listeners what you do on a daily, weekly basis to keep yourself motivated, inspired, in the right frame of mind, where you don't have that fixed mindset and you keep that motivation and desire to continue to make a difference in the world.

Speaker 3: 18:08

Ooh, all right, this has changed. Okay, okay, this has changed. For me, it used to be like a daily habit of meditating and gratitude and journaling. Now I don't know, I don't know if I have a good answer, I just kind of do it. I get up and I say, all right, today's the day, this is what's on my to-do list, this is what I'm going to do. I'm not very motivated, honestly. I just have really big goals that force me to do things that I don't necessarily want to do. I think that's the best answer I can give.

Speaker 3: 18:41

I was on a call with clients earlier and they're both business owners and I said, on a scale of one to 10, how important is it for your business to succeed? I said be real with me, like I've been working with them for a minute and things have not been great. And she said well, you know, I don't really need it and my husband makes enough money. And I said you should leave the business now. You should leave because the goals aren't big enough for you. They don't matter, they just don't matter to you.

Speaker 3: 19:08

The goals that I have now really are a good stretch for me, but they don't force me into lack of action. There's that sweet spot where it's like this excites me. If I could accomplish this this quarter, that would be great. Not, there's no way. There's no way I'm going to be able to do that this quarter. Well, I might as well not even try.

Speaker 3: 19:29

So I think, going back to the originality of what is the goal you're setting and why are you setting it, I think your goals should excite you. I don't necessarily think they should terrify you. I don't think that's a constructive place to live. One thing I will say just as a tactic when I'm really high emotionally or really low emotionally, I reflect on old content for perspective, perspective. It's very easy to get lost. It's very easy to forget where you are today if you're only looking at yesterday and tomorrow, but if you're looking at five years ago, your life looks different. Everything probably looks a little bit different. That's very, very helpful for me to stay inspired when I'm really down and out or when I'm really feeling myself too much. That helps to bring me back down.

Speaker 1: 20:16

Yeah, I love that. So it's really just the intentionality. So you've got these goals that you're passionate about that get you excited, they don't scare you and so because of that, when you wake up in the morning, you're just completely intentional about just doing the best you can that day to reach, get towards those goals yeah they're.

Speaker 3: 20:41

These are real. These are real goals. These are deeply meaningful goals that I take very, very, very seriously. Yeah, it's going back to what are you willing to do and what are you not willing to do. I'm willing to sit in the office for 12 hours a day, every day, if that's what it takes. Yeah, that's, but that's my journey. Absolutely. That's not everybody's journey. It's summer, it's spring. Get outside if that's what you want to do. But how do you connect your, your goals to that right? There's a lot of ways, but yeah, something that excites you but does not terrify you, I think, is a really good place to start. I love that.

Speaker 2: 21:06

That's so great. So a huge distinction between motivation and drive is what I hear. It's the drive that Kevin has to achieve these goals and attain the goals that he set for himself, not the need for this constant motivation, the raw piece of it that goes behind the scenes and another piece that I think is so important for us to all remember. Kevin mentioned the highs and the lows and going back and doing that reflective piece and during the highs and the lows the highs for that sense of humility and the lows for that motivation and inspiration. Like you can still, you've made progress. Keep going, keep going. Look at where you were.

Speaker 1: 21:43

Yeah, I just finished reading the book the Gap in the Game and that's what it makes me think of is that we've a lot of times we're focusing on the gap between where we're at in our ideal life and what you're doing is you're going back and looking at look at the gains I've had, look at the gains I've had. We'll look at where I've come and where I am today and focusing on that rather than that gap.

Speaker 3: 22:05

So I love that. It's always been very, very helpful for me because it's very easy to forget Absolutely. I might've had a great day yesterday, I might have a crap day yesterday, but it's very easy to forget what. My worst day today is way better than my best day seven years ago. It just doesn't feel like it because I'm comparing to well, I don't know. It kind of stinks when this happens or a client leaves or whatever. It's just perspective. That's one of my.

Speaker 3: 22:32

Our podcast audience is probably sick of me talking about it, but I love talking about perspective because I think it is one of the best ways to ground yourself, one of the best ways One of my favorite things to suggest to people.

Speaker 3: 22:44

We have a cheat code because we have a podcast, right, all of us so we can look back, take out your cell phone, start a video and say today is blank and here is where I am when it comes to health, here's where I am when it comes to wealth, here's where I am when it comes to love, and be very honest about it. And then check in next month. Yeah, it's blank. Here I am when it comes to health here, and did it go up or did it go down. Yeah, if it went up, good for you. If it went down, maybe we have some work to check in on that. But at least now you know and you don't wait until two years from today and say, oh my goodness, something has changed. Awareness, isness is an opportunity. You're going to be fired up. You're going to be fired up.

Speaker 2: 23:25

Kevin, tell the listeners where they can find you in terms of the podcast and, while you're at it, tell them about Next Level University. I think it's important to share that.

Speaker 3: 23:33

I appreciate that very much. Yes, so just search Next Level University. We're on all the podcast platforms. We're on YouTube, all of that happy jazz. If you have questions, comments concerns anything I can do to help you to serve you. My handle on Instagram is at neverquitkid and my email is kevin at nextleveluniversecom. I do my own emails, I do my own messages on social. So anything I can do to help, I'd love to.

Speaker 2: 23:56

Love it. So you really get a hold of Kevin. You reach out and you're going to hear from Kevin. I'm not that big of a deal.

Speaker 3: 24:01

Trust me, you guys have done a wonderful job of making it seem so, but I am not that big of a deal. I promise to get back to you.

Speaker 2: 24:13

Thank you. I appreciate that, kevin, and if you guys are just thinking gosh, I think we've heard about Next Level University before you have, and Kevin has made reference to his business partner, alan, who has been on our podcast as well. We are so grateful to have had both of you, and now I wasn't sure if you were yin and yang before we got into this. I feel like you were totally in alignment, but definitely the yin to his yang, and we would love to have the two of you come back and join us on the show. Yeah, so fabulous stories. Love the work that you're doing just within your community, what you've built, how you're leaving an impression on so many lives. That's what this is all about. So thank you for all that you guys are doing.

Speaker 3: 24:50

Thank you. I appreciate the time, I appreciate the opportunity, I'm grateful for both of you and you're both doing wonderful things as well and all the love genuinely. Thank you, you're welcome.

Speaker 2: 24:59

Oh, my goodness. Well you guys. That's a wrap for this episode. If you are wanting to hear or learn more about Reignite Resilience, head on over to reigniteresiliencecom. You can find all of our episodes on all of the podcast streaming platforms I apologize. And if you want to sign up for our monthly newsletter, you can secure that at the reigniteresiliencecom website and find us on Facebook and Instagram under reigniteresiliencepodcast. Until next time, we'll see you all soon. Bye, guys. Thank you for joining us on today's episode of Reignite Resilience. We hope that you had amazing ahas and takeaways. Remember to subscribe on your favorite streaming platform, like it and download the upcoming episodes, and if you know anyone in your life that is looking to continue to ignite their resilience, share it with them. We look forward to seeing you on our future episodes and until then, continue to reignite that fire within your hearts.