The Power of Emotional Intelligence + Resiliency with Rhonda Parker Taylor (part 1)

In this episode of Reignite Resilience, hosts Pam Cass and Natalie Davis engage in a heartfelt conversation with guest Rhonda Parker Taylor, exploring themes of resilience, emotional intelligence, and personal development. Rhonda shares her journey of overcoming adversity, the importance of surrounding oneself with positive influences, and the necessity of celebrating both successes and challenges. The discussion emphasizes the significance of emotional intelligence in navigating life's ups and downs, preparing for unexpected challenges, and finding joy in everyday moments. Listeners are encouraged to reflect on their own lives, set meaningful goals, and cultivate a balanced approach to personal fulfilment.

Our conversation takes a heartfelt turn as we explore the role of emotional intelligence in overcoming life's adversities. Through personal anecdotes, we discuss the transformative power of having mentors and the impact of understanding and managing emotions, both in our own lives and those of others. Rhonda's insights reveal how inner strength and resilience can guide us through life-altering events, teaching us to remain present, discard judgment, and find empowerment in vulnerability.

We wrap up by reflecting on the importance of finding joy in everyday moments and reassessing our priorities in the wake of the pandemic. We challenge you to nurture an environment that promotes personal growth, akin to tending a wilting flower, and celebrate your achievements, no matter how others perceive them. In our quest for balance between being and doing, we share techniques to ignite your inner fire and ensure your actions align with intentional living. Tune in to discover how to cultivate a more meaningful and fulfilling life.

Key Takeaways

• Surrounding yourself with positive influences is crucial.
• Emotional intelligence is key to personal success.
• Life will always present challenges unexpectedly.
• Finding inner strength is essential during tough times.
• Celebrating small successes is important for motivation.
• Setting goals requires looking at all dimensions of life.
• Balance in life leads to greater fulfillment.
• Joy can be found in simple, everyday moments.
• You are your best friend and your worst enemy.

The Quiet Gift: A Journey of Self Worth and Resilience is now available for download as an audible.  Check it out!

Transcript

Reignite Resilience Podcast Interview With Rhonda

Pamela Cass 0:06

In the grand theater of life . We all seek a comeback , a resurgence , a rekindling of our inner fire . But how do we spark that flame ? Welcome to Reignite Resilience . This is not just another podcast . This is a journey , a venture into the heart of human spirit , the power of resilience and the art of reigniting our passions .

Natalie Davis 0:31

Welcome to another episode of Reignite Resilience . I am your co-host , natalie Davis , and I am so excited to be back with you all . I am tongue-tied and I may be out of words for the day , but hey , pam , how are you ?

Pamela Cass 0:46

I think you and I both had the same day . It's like been coaching call , coaching call , coaching call , meeting . Yes , oh yes . And like we send in food when we're able to squeeze it in , oh yeah absolutely , absolutely .

Natalie Davis 1:03

I actually threw in a dentist appointment in the middle of the day because and that which is why I didn't have lunch over my lunch hour I thought let's just go ahead and get my teeth cleaned . And they had to do a little extra service . So they numbed a tooth and as they were putting the numbing agent in , I said , oh no , no , I've got to talk today . You can't , you can't do that .

Pamela Cass 1:23

You're talking a little funny . We know what's happening .

Natalie Davis 1:26

Well , you know , I mean , there are many things that we could blame it on . Right now , we're going to say that it's the local anesthetic for my tooth .

Pamela Cass 1:34

We'll say that's it . I know , and I think I had like a 15-minute break today and I quickly put together a walker for my grandson , Ran it to my mom and dad because they're watching him today . So for my grandson , ran it to my mom and dad because they're watching him today .

Natalie Davis 1:47

So I'm like yes you can put stuff together . How fun is that , oh my gosh . I , pam and I and our guests we were talking about just things that we do when we're working in our office space and things that we do to make us a little bit more comfortable . Um , I am fortunate enough to have an opportunity to work from home , and so I work in my home office space quite a bit , but in between calls I was able to utilize my air fryer and make lunch . It's just . You know all of the things to get us through a day .

Natalie Davis 2:19

It takes a lot . It takes a village and with that village we have a guest today and I'm so excited . Pam , would you tell our listeners who we have on ?

Pamela Cass 2:28

I am so excited about this guest . So today we have Rhonda Parker Taylor . She is an American writer , entrepreneur and academic researcher . Her debut novel , Crossroads which I am going to have to buy because I saw the information about it , I was like , oh my gosh , this sounds like just up my alley was released in 2023 , with an MBA and a doctorate in business . She is known for her research on emotional intelligence and has a strong background in teaching and business leadership . Rhonda also founded Intelligence Solutions , a training and development company , and she also likes nature , cooking and travel . Sounds like someone I would hang out with . So welcome , Rhonda , so excited to have you here with us , and so let's just dive in . I'd love for you to tell us your story . Who are you ?

Rhonda Parker Taylor 3:16

Thank you , I'm so excited about being here and you know what ? I think that the engagement of people that can actually talk about overcoming their adversities and still being successful like taking a lunch and going , getting your teeth done and all the things you have to balance are so important because when you're able to stay focused and you're able to really face the day , you know , with a force , then what ends up happening is you not only achieve your own personal goals , but you have satisfaction , and you guys are really modeling that , and I have to say congratulations on all your success and welcome everybody that's listening . Let's have a great night .

Natalie Davis 4:04

I love it , oh my gosh . Well for our listeners , as you can see , rh listening . Let's have a great night . I love it , oh my gosh . Well , if , for our listeners , as you can see , ronda does not have a lot of energy at all .

Rhonda Parker Taylor 4:11

Um , so , hopefully you can hang on , let's do it , let's , let's talk about all the messy stuff that keeps us going , because if we , if we do that and we still can be happy at the end of the day , hey , we have a good vibe going , then we're winning . Exactly I say we're winning .

Pamela Cass 4:31

I love it and I think this is a testament to who you surround yourself with . You know , surround yourself with other people like this that are high energy . You just feed off of each other .

Rhonda Parker Taylor 4:43

Yes , yes , I agree , and I think when you , you know , when you have a good partnership or a good collaboration , sometimes that energy , you have to pull it back to listen , but at the same time you find out that we have so much in common and we can get more done from our strengths than our weaknesses .

Natalie Davis 5:08

I love that . I love that . Well , rhonda , why don't you share with our listeners a little bit about your journey , finding yourself in a place where you are focused on emotional intelligence and resiliency and overcoming adversities your own personal , professional and then incorporating that into your work as well ? What's brought you to this place that you're currently in ?

Rhonda Parker Taylor 5:32

Oh , I would love to share it and I hope that anybody out there in the audience that ever felt like they were less than will really tone in to what we're talking about tonight , because so many times it doesn't matter whether you're a young woman or a young man you're at the beginning of your journey , or maybe in the middle of your journey or even at the end . We find that many times people dim our light and we forget that we have a certain amount of uniqueness and authenticity that you know makes us special . So for me , you know , I was always a social child that didn't do well academically , and when most people , if you would have said you know you're going to be a best selling author or the , or they would have said you get it , this girl's gonna have a doctorate , every one of my teachers or my administrators , or probably my parents and family members , would have said this is not the one , you got the wrong child , and part of that is what drove me

Navigating Life's Challenges With Emotional Intelligence

Rhonda Parker Taylor 6:38

later . I had a good mentor in my senior year of high school that said you are going to pass Because I was just a mediocre child , you just barely got by . She said you are going to pass and I was in a private school that if you didn't pass the proficiency test , you didn't graduate . So you know , there was pressure there and I had a lot going on in my life and she said we're going to get you there . I got there , got to in my life and she said we're going to get you there . I got there , got to go to college . That changed my life . So that shows what we were talking about where you have the right people in the right places that help you succeed and take out the ones that are negative and take that shine away .

Rhonda Parker Taylor 7:20

And by going to college , I was able to be exposed to different things , like Daniel Goldman's books on emotional intelligence and what I found in that it isn't just your IQ , which is what we're taught in school that makes you successful . That you are able to listen , navigate the world , hold on to those emotions , navigate other people's emotions and then make concrete decisions . And that's called an EQ . That's our right brain . Yeah , so all of a sudden I had a whole new world out there .

Rhonda Parker Taylor 8:00

You mean , I can be successful . You know , I don't have to . Just , you know , put myself in a place to let other people lead . You know , and that was a huge breakthrough for me . So I had to dive into it and read about it and realize that I had to have better self regard for myself . And then the rest is history . You yes , there's bumps , life is always gonna hit . It's always gonna hit sometime when you least expect it . But if you have that reserve and you have those people in place and you practice that positivity and be prepared , life still can go on even after life hits .

Pamela Cass 8:45

Tell me about the part about being prepared . How can we prepare ourselves when we do have those bumps that we hit , or are there ways that you've found over the years ?

Rhonda Parker Taylor 8:55

Yeah , I think the main thing is to realize it's going to hit . Because when you realize and you identify wait a minute , life is not see . A lot of times we think , oh , life is always going to be perfect . And then life hits and you're like , oh my goodness , my world's falling apart . No One aspect of your world is falling apart . I can tell you that when that moment hits , stop , get your inner strength together , realize what your limitations are . And then I go back to Frosty the Snowman and Rudolph the Red-Nosed Reindeer song and put one foot in front of the other . And when you get out that door and you , but it's that first inner strength . I'll give you a great example . You know , we never think that your child is supposed to pass before a parent , and many of your audience may have experienced something similar . It could be cancer , it could be a violent act , it could be , you know , an accident . You know an accident . It could be anything .

Rhonda Parker Taylor 10:03

You know , that puts a person in this unnatural state . And in my case I had adopted a young man and it was what I'm going to call a partnership with a biological mother . It was non-traditional . She was going through where life hit . It was non-traditional , she was going through where life hit and she wanted the best for her son . So we raised this young man , got him to college age , got him into the workforce , and someone came into his job and shot and killed him . That is the most horrifying thing that one the biological mother had to go through and Ming , as the adopted mother , people that loved him and made this bond to have to go through .

Rhonda Parker Taylor 11:01

And when the police knock on that door , there's nothing worse that you could go through . I'm sure there is . It could have been . You know I can't take away somebody else's pain , but what I would say is , when you gather that inner strength and what I did in that moment was unnatural for me I saw a crack in the corner of a wall that you never would notice because of what you know . It was just where the house had settled and I followed it to the ceiling to keep my sanity .

Rhonda Parker Taylor 11:33

So that inner strength and realizing and training and resilience said stop , stop , gather yourself . And then I can hear and even though my mother had already passed , at that point I could hear her voice saying it's going to be okay , yeah . And then you realize , wait a minute . If I can stay disciplined in the hard times , then during the easy times , my goodness , I will be prepared for anything , whether it be a proposal , whether it be you know someone that's not acting right in your life , whether it be , you know , facing your fears of vulnerability . It's practicing and staying disciplined in that moment and finding the lessons that you're supposed to learn to make you a better person . But it takes that one minute of hold on gather those emotions , which is the emotional intelligence model . Whoa . You could go off in a million different directions in that kind of scenario , or any kind of scenario . Maybe it's a loved one that's cheated , maybe it's you know . There's a thousand different options out there that can mentally take away your sanity . Yeah , but you don't allow that power . You take the power back .

Natalie Davis 12:58

Wow , I think that's so . I would say that it's mature , but it would be a great place for all of us to land when we are able to remove the judgment from the action . Right , I mean the example that you shared and I'm sorry for your loss . When you share this experience that you went through and it's not well , you know you could go into it and think , well , that sucked or that's bad , or something bad just happened to me , or the opposite . If it's not that experience , something amazing just happened to me . But being present in it's just the thing . Now , how we respond , moving forward is really where the magic and the power sits .

Rhonda Parker Taylor 13:41

Oh , definitely . I mean , look at , for instance , the Olympics . You had the young girl from Brazil who finally got her gold . Why don't we celebrate ? We have to celebrate other successes you have to be resilient in . It is the positive , it's the emotional part of staying focused on learning from each other and ourselves on what is important to stay within our five pillars of resilience , self-awareness , self-regard , you know , self-purpose , relationships and mindfulness . If you can do that , where are we going to go from there ? Only up , no matter what the situation .

Natalie Davis 14:34

Exactly , absolutely , absolutely . I think that's so big and I think emotional intelligence it was kind of a buzzword maybe five or 10 years ago . I have it's kind of filtered off . It shouldn't , it should make a comeback . I think that it's missing right now in a lot of relationships personal and professional relationships that ability and and it sounds like that spark for you , rhonda , was realizing , when you have fine-tuned or identified or you're dialing into your EQ , that there's such a world of opportunity and doors just continue to open up and you get clarity and insight on things as you're going through life .

Rhonda Parker Taylor 15:18

Oh , definitely , and I think that you're right .

Rhonda Parker Taylor 15:20

It has kind of dialed down because they started moving into social intelligence , which then people started thinking of social justice and started and and they were getting it confused and people are like wait a minute , let's don't talk about this anymore . That's a bad word . Social intelligence no , social intelligence is an expansion of the emotions . You have to know how others fit into the network to be able to understand the decisions that you're making , because you can't just have self-regard and self-actualization . You have to have social awareness to be able to be a good leader , and that includes not only assertiveness and independence , but it also means empathy , stress , tolerance . You know all of these other characteristics that you can build upon .

Natalie Davis 16:22

Absolutely , absolutely . And we may have progressed too quickly to the social intelligence . I feel that we still need to spend some time in the emotional intelligence piece .

Rhonda Parker Taylor 16:32

Yes , I think so , and they will definitely help you set specific goals for development of self .

Natalie Davis 16:44

Tell our listeners about that . When you're setting goals for development of self , what does that look like ? What does that mean ?

Rhonda Parker Taylor 16:50

well , first of all , you have to look at the , the world around you , your environment . For me , most of the time when we set developmental goals , we look at finances , we look at career you know , maybe family we might look at .

Rhonda Parker Taylor 17:10

Okay , I want to have kids , I don't want to have kids , but we don't really look into the 13 or 14 dimensions of life . And when we don't look into all the dimensions of our life , we're out of balance . And that is one of the first things that in Crossroads I wanted to bring out . I wanted to take the fiction novel and make it about real things . So the main character , paris Pennington . She is a workaholic , she strives for excellence , she's an IU grad , she , you know , she's in finance . And then she finds out that wait a minute , her life's not like she wants to because she gets called into jury duty and she can't keep all the balls in the air .

Rhonda Parker Taylor 17:53

So you have to look at your physical well-being . You have to look at your intellectual growth , emotional well-being , which we've talked about spiritual connections , um , romantic partnerships . What are you doing to keep things right ? And it doesn't cost me ? Oh , I don't have money to take them on a trip or I don't have money to do this . It doesn't take money . Get a little tiny box and write a hundred things on a piece of paper that you love about them . When you have a late night , make them into tootsie roll scrolls , put them in there , wrap it up and leave them a hundred things that you love about them or that you like about them or that you'd like to experience with them , or it doesn't . You know . What have you done to make that time in this busy offset world ? You know , and as we you know , just like the romantic , what are you doing in your social connection During your drive time ?

Rhonda Parker Taylor 18:50

Please be hands free , but you can call that aunt you haven't talked to and you know a year , because you know that was your favorite aunt . They're home sitting by themselves . They're getting older . They need to hear from you . You can sit there and talk for 15 , 20 minutes while you're driving to your next appointment , or while you know , or when you're sitting waiting , you know , to go in somewhere . Take that time to develop those connections around you . Enjoy your home .

Embracing Joy and Celebrating Wins

Rhonda Parker Taylor 19:21

Um , my one of my practices is is to open up my blinds every morning and people are like , well , you're gonna close them , but what can I see ? I might see a raccoon . I might see a fox . I might see tree branches that fell down , that needs to be removed before I the grass gets mowed . I might see the sunlight . I might just see my yard , but do you get to see that version of your life every part of your day and enjoy it ? So spend a few seconds doing it . Yeah , being present .

Pamela Cass 19:57

Which nurtures you . Yeah , I love it so . Dimensions of life , so kind of almost like a wheel of life .

Rhonda Parker Taylor 20:05

Yeah , exactly , that's exactly what it is . When your life is balanced , you feel more fulfilled . And when you're not balanced and sometimes you'll think you're balanced because you're like a little robot you know you're walking around and you're at 30 percent home , 30% work . You know I get my sleeping time , I get my physical wellness , and then you're like but I'm not happy . Well , then go back and find out what you're doing in that time . Yeah , and are you fulfilling the passions in each one , especially around the pandemic time I was ordering DoorDash , I was watching DoorDash , I was watching on TV and I'm like , okay , I did my little check in and reflection TV's on like the 25th thing on the list . You know , even on the top 10 , things that I enjoy to do , that I enjoy to do , and so no wonder I'm not feeling fulfilled in my life if I'm not doing . When you ask yourself , what do you like to do ? And then you say , okay , what am I doing this week ? And none of the things you like to do is on it .

Natalie Davis 21:22

What if you ?

Rhonda Parker Taylor 21:22

just you set yourself up not to have a happy life yes you know if you'd like to go to the spa or get a massage , whatever it is that you like , nobody can tell you what to what . What is right for you to unique wise ? Yeah , I'm not a plumber . I wouldn't . I never have been . I don't like people jumping up in my face for me to go . It's like misery to go into somebody else . That may be their joy , but I love music and I love concerts , so we pick the things I love to read and write . I love critters . A lot of people don't like critters , right , and I love critters . Most people , a lot of people , don't like critters . So put yourself in an area that bring life to you .

Pamela Cass 22:11

Yeah , well , I . I love that because I think people forget what brings them joy . I think that time to stop and just list out . I do this thing called the quality world and it's . I did it when I was at a breast cancer retreat and they had us fill the circle with all the things that brought us joy and they start you know who are the people that bring you joy , what are the things , what time of day brings you joy and we just end up with this circle of all of these things coffee , whatever , friendship , whatever and then you have this in front of you all the time so that when you are feeling a little bit overwhelmed , you can just look and say well , what actually brings me joy ? Could I go do that ?

Rhonda Parker Taylor 22:53

Right , exactly , I just had this , this conversation it was a text conversation with one of my loved ones , and they were saying I just feel like I'm not , you know , I'm not getting the kind of love partner that I would like to have , and I feel like I need to be connected . And I said , you know , in my younger years I spent so much time focusing on having a significant other that I didn't blossom the way I needed to to , because I was chasing all the wrong people . I was chasing people that didn't have , you know , have the same regard for me as I had for them . Yeah , and when you do that , you robbed yourself of the opportunity to To really develop and blossom . It's not the flower that needs help when it's wilting , it's the environment and the things around them . So you fix the environment and then the flower thrives . So when you're constantly trying to make something happen and putting regard to somebody else that makes you an option , a priority over an option , then you're not going to have the same connection . Yeah .

Pamela Cass 24:19

Beautiful , that is , it's the environment .

Natalie Davis 24:21

I love that .

Pamela Cass 24:22

It's the environment , it's not the person .

Rhonda Parker Taylor 24:25

It's the environment . I love that . It's the environment . It's not the person , it's the environment .

Natalie Davis 24:29

Yeah absolutely Well , rhonda , you touched on so much in that piece of it . I think one is identifying and figuring out the things that bring you joy , and you went through the things that make you happy , the things that you would like to have more of in your life , and then do it . That's the key there you have to actually do it . But you started this all off with making sure we take the time to celebrate right , and so I think that we don't often take enough time to celebrate all of the wins or even the experiences that we're having in those moments . And I'll tell you I'll just share a personal story .

Natalie Davis 25:11

I had a little challenge that I put myself through . It's how I motivate myself , it's how I keep myself driven . I'm a rewards-driven person . So I know at the end of this I will fill in the blank with whatever the reward is , and that's kind of the gist of my celebration . That's what it looks like . And I remember sharing a recent reward with a friend and they said well , are you sure that's what you want ? And I was like , huh , I wonder . I don't know , maybe I don't want that , maybe it's silly , maybe it's frivolous , and so I didn't do it right , I removed and I eliminated that reward for for myself . And so those are the things like when you find those things that bring you happiness , bring you joy , it doesn't matter what the external pieces are right , what what people think yeah , it's not really a financial reward .

Rhonda Parker Taylor 25:56

It could be a wealth . It could be outside yes , it could be talking to a friend or a loved one about the excitement . You know my , my sister is my accountability partner that and my spouse probably more my sister . But you know you . You have to really realize that you are your best friend and your worst enemy .

Natalie Davis 26:28

Yeah .

Rhonda Parker Taylor 26:29

And if you don't have that accountability partner to say , hey , reward yourself , or maybe you don't need to be doing that right now , whatever it might be , then you're not going to set the goals in a manner that's going to get you to where your purpose is you know , and that's making a game plan for yourself . That accountability partner is so important and she did the right thing . She said Are you sure ? And then how did you feel when you , when that reward was removed ?

Natalie Davis 27:03

That I was sure I wish I had done it , but now I've moved on to the next thing . Right , because I am that I've already moved on . It's like too late . I missed that opportunity to celebrate .

Rhonda Parker Taylor 27:13

I've moved on to something else so are you a human doing or are you a human being

Finding Balance Between Being and Doing

Rhonda Parker Taylor 27:19

?

Natalie Davis 27:19

I am a human being that often forgets . Often forgets .

Rhonda Parker Taylor 27:28

I find I become a human doing , and then it's like , oh wait , a minute , liv , you know you got to do the right thing , be right by yourself . And so I get caught up and I , instead of being a human being , I can get caught up and be a human doing the little checklist and I , oh stop , I have to stop myself .

Natalie Davis 27:49

Yes , we hope that you have enjoyed part one of our two-part interview . Please make sure that you come back and join us for part two , where we will continue to dive into the stories , the tools , the modalities and the techniques that you can use to continue to ignite the fire within . We'll see you all soon .