Healing Through Journaling and Breath Work + Resiliency with Susan Snow (Part 2)

How can something as simple as journaling or breath work transform your life? We share personal stories of overcoming insomnia and managing anxiety with these powerful tools. You'll hear about the raw, authentic journey of writing a book that tackles fears, impacts personal relationships, and demands courage. We invite you to embrace discomfort and vulnerability as necessary steps toward building resilience and true healing.

Join us as we sit down with Susan, a resilience coach and author, to explore her profound journey of overcoming trauma. Susan bravely shares her experiences of writing a book at 50, delving into the hidden norms of trauma that led to revelations of self-sabotage and addiction. From poignant family moments to breaking generational cycles, Susan and another author guide us through the healing process with insights into addressing buried trauma and crafting a hopeful future. These conversations offer powerful takeaways for anyone seeking clarity and guidance on their own path to healing.

About Susan Snow:
Susan Snow is an Author, Speaker and Resiliency Coach. Her book The Other Side of the gun/ My Journey from Trauma to Resiliency chronicles the trauma of losing her father, Los Angeles Police Detective Thomas C Williams, who was ambushed and killed October 31, 1985 when she was 17. Her book was born from the need to help others heal from Trauma and loss to find resiliency.

Http://www.susansnowspeaks.com

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Transcript

Tools for Healing and Growth

Speaker 1 0:00

Welcome back to part two of our two-part interview. We're going to dive right back in so that we can continue to hear more about the tools, modalities and techniques that you can use and add to your tool belt to help you continue to ignite the fire within. We hope you enjoy.

Speaker 2 0:19

And for me, I was like I always describe it as the sky opened up and rainbow shot out, because I, for the first time in my life, felt like, oh my God, she's my person, she's going to guide me, she's going to help me, I don't have to sit in this for the rest of my life and I can heal. I had so much hope and you know, we started out slow. I was not sleeping at the time, that was my main thing, and sleep deprivation can really exacerbate different things, such as depression and anxiety. And I was having check, check, I was having both. So she started me out on journaling and I kind of laughed at her. I was like, oh, that's so goofy and like, really, this is what. Oh, okay, and she said, look, here's what I want you to do. First of all, shut up.

Speaker 1 1:37

Here's what I want you to do. You're not really managing it yourself, so what? Hi, listen to me right now. Yes yourself. So what do?

Speaker 2 1:48

you listen to me right now, like, hi, I deal with this day in and day out, like I know what I'm talking about. So she said here's what I want you to do, because I don't know about you. But at night, when I laid my doubt, my head down on that pillow, laid my doubt, my head down on that pillow, my brain turns on and it goes to very dark places, um, or, it used to. It goes to very dark places and it starts to rile up my body and my you know, my nervous system gets all out of whack, so that, and then that turns into insomnia, right, because your body is just kicked on. So she said what I want you to do is I want you to journal everything that's in your head before bed, like put a journal next to your bed, put something on, you know, a reminder of some sort to make sure that you do it every night. And she said I want to know what it looks like the next week when I see you, so tell me how this goes.

Speaker 2 2:58

And I was just like oh yeah, alrighty. Like oh yeah, all righty. So I started journaling the first night and slept, you know, okay, whatever. But by the third night of journaling. I was sleeping like a baby and I went back the next week and I was like she goes okay. Well, tell me what your experience was. And I was like, well see, I have color in my face and I feel awake.

Speaker 2 3:31

Yeah, I've been sleeping, you know, for at least three, four nights, so I'm getting my rest back and she's like great, it did work, didn't it.

Speaker 3 3:46

I'm like yeah.

Speaker 2 3:48

But you know, when I talk to people about journaling, it isn't just writing. For me it was writing, yeah, but it could be art, it could be music, whatever is in your heart, whatever is in your heart, whatever gives you joy, in order to do, to get stuff out of your, your brain, uh, do it, you know. And then the next thing that we started talking about was my anxiety, and so at the time, um, breath work was just starting to kind of get into um, therapy sessions and things like that. But she's, she swore by breath work. So we started working on that, just really regulating my nervous system as much as possible, and to this day, I use box breathing technique all the time now, and I even spoke.

Speaker 2 4:52

I spoke in Vegas in May and taught the audience breath work, because, god knows, after I tell my story, your nervous system is a little, a little off. So I was able to bring them back down by doing breath work, uh, within my, my talk. But, um, you know, that was the most important thing and I, to this day, I still utilize those techniques and I teach people. This stuff really works. But I think, like, for the most part, I think the most important part, especially getting to the resiliency part is and people hate when I say that, but you've got to do the work. As human beings, we are so prone to run from pain.

Speaker 1 6:02

And or discomfort.

Speaker 2 6:05

It doesn't have to be painful or anything, that's just uncomfortable yep, yes, stuff that like pulls you right out of your comfort zone, yes, absolutely. Um. But what I tell people is this if you don't dive in, um, the real healing does not help happen. And I will tell you, writing my book, that was stinking terrifying, because I had to be a hundred percent authentic. I had to be vulnerable. My book is very raw. It it's very, uh, it's very vulnerable and, um, there were times where I had so much fear, you know, and and this is why I talk about bulldozing your fear Um, because when I started on the journey, it took me four and a half years to ride it.

Speaker 2 7:14

When I started out, I was terrified for multiple reasons. One was my relationship with my mom was hanging on by a string, and I thought my fear was it was either going to tear us apart or it was going to open up a conversation and I had to be okay with either. The other part of that was I had still some insecurities around putting myself out there just because the men that were involved were still in prison, um, and you know. So I had that fear of just my own safety, absolutely. And I also had the fear of because I do talk about my husband in here as well, and you know what was that going to do to our relationship, um, as well. So just telling my truth and being authentic was terrifying to me. Um, but what I did was I focused on my purpose. The purpose behind writing the book wasn't just cathartic for myself, but I just put the faces of the people out there in front of me that needed to hear this message, that needed some hope, message that needed some hope, that needed to to know that you can go through some God awful things in life and you can come out on the other side of it. And so that's what I really honed in on. Every time I had this fear well up in me, I just kept thinking of the message that I needed to get out to as many people as I could. But pushing that button on Amazon to like go, was I like had to take a step and breathe. Um, because this is me a hundred percent good, bad or indifferent. Um, I knew, writing this book, some people weren't gonna like what I had to say and they were gonna have opinions about what I had to say, and I needed to be okay with that as well, because, all in all, the most important part is the message.

Speaker 2 9:51

The most important part for me is to help as many people as I can who are maybe too scared to start the journey, or maybe they're in the journey and they're feeling like they're stuck or they're not getting what they need. And I always tell people like especially because I hear people say to me, oh, therapy doesn't work and I just tell them you haven't found your person. Yeah, and that's I mean, if you want to get to resiliency part, like that's you've got to have your person, whether it's a coach or a therapist or whatever. That will give you a safe space that will connect with you, that you feel safe. With that you can be vulnerable, because you have to be vulnerable in order to do the work, the real work. And the real work sucks. I don't sugarcoat that at all. It is the hardest thing I have ever done and I'm continuing to do. Just because I wrote a book doesn't mean it's over. I am still learning about myself and it's not easy. Guys. When you really start to see things for what they are in the real life, you might not get the results that you wanted. It, really, for myself, makes me align with people who are willing to grow with me, alongside me, and I'm grateful for that.

Speaker 2 11:36

So if anything to tell your listeners is if you are on your journey one, you're not alone to find your person. And I know people will like go four and five times, just like like I did, like, oh, today's the day they're going to connect with me, they're going to get it right. I tell people they're going to get it Right. I tell people, interview their therapist. Interview them, make sure that they are trauma competent to the type of trauma that you have gone through, because those people will be able to guide you in the right direction. And if you don't find them right away, like, don't be discouraged because there's a person out there for you. I know a lot of people go well, but my insurance only does Well. You know what your insurance isn't your healing and you need to make yourself the priority. Yeah, because you're the one. That's the most important.

Speaker 2 12:47

So I've been blessed to have a lot of incredible conversations with people and there are people out there literally that have gone through trauma, that don't even realize they've gone through trauma and it's because their environment was that, was their normal. And as they get older they're starting to realize wow, why do I act this way? Why am I using? I talk to addicts and I tell people that are dealing with sobriety that unless you attack the reasoning or find the reasoning behind the drinking and the drugging or whatever else you're doing, that's self-sabotaging. Um, you're not gonna. You're, you're not. It's gonna be harder to get to the sobriety um than dealing. You're not dealing with it. So, and I've had some, I've been blessed to have some really incredible, like I said, conversations where I've been able to allow someone to think differently about their circumstance.

Speaker 3 14:04

Yeah, Wow, susan. So you've gone through this incredible journey. When was the moment that you decided that you know what my purpose is? To give hope to people. I'm going to write this book, I'm going to start speaking, I'm going to become a resilience coach. I mean, that's super vulnerable to do that. So what was the? What was the change? What was that? That thing that happened.

Speaker 2 15:24

You're going to laugh. Okay, I turned 50. Okay, I turned 50 and I drew a line in the sand and I said it's now or never. And so, like I said, it took me four and a half years to write it because I had to relive it. I also couldn't start that journey until I knew mentally that I had the tools to be able to pull myself out of the things that I was about to endure. And there were days where I literally had to.

Speaker 2 16:06

I'm a practicing realtor and I had days where I was like I can't talk to clients, like I've got nothing left Right, and I gave myself grace on those days. And I tell people that all the time, when you're at your absolute, like tippy top, and you have nothing left, give yourself grace. I gave myself grace with no guilt, um, and I did something that gave me joy that day, um, and it. It was minimal things, but it. What I tell myself is like tomorrow's a different day, right? So today you just be in your feels, feel your feelings, give yourself grace, do things that you know for yourself to show love to yourself, and the next day is another day, um, and so that was just how I I processed everything for the four and a half years and I will tell you that the biggest aha I had with that Now my husband never once in the four and a half years ever took me up on.

Speaker 2 17:31

Let me send you a snippet so you can read right. And he was like nope, nope, I'm not reading it. Until it's in print I'm not reading it. And I said okay. So when it was in print, I gave it to him one day to go to a baby shower and came home and he was on the couch with a box of tissues and my book and he's like this is incredible, I can't put this down. So that fear of this messing up our relationship went away. He literally read my book in a day. He's like you do you and I'm going to sit here and read this book. So that was incredible and I didn't expect that at all. Like I actually giving him the book, I had no expectations. I had to. I was like, well, you know to. I was like, well, you know, this could be a different journey.

Speaker 2 18:45

And before I sat down and I or I sat down with my mom, actually before the book came out, because for the four and a half years that I was writing it. She never asked me about it and when she found out I had an editor is when she was like, oh, this is a real deal, like you're really doing this and this isn't a hobby mom, like this is an important thing that I'm doing, right. So I sat down with her prior to the book going live, actually, and I told her everything was in it, you know, and I talk about very sensitive things such as her drinking when my dad died. That was her coping skill and I don't judge anyone, because everybody deals with things differently, right. So. But I wanted her to know that I do address that because that was my experience. It was the experience that I had based off of her drinking.

Speaker 2 19:52

Also talked about generational abuse and my mom came from a line of women who were abusive, who were narcissistic, who you know. Their world revolved around themselves and when I had children, I had to stop that in its tracks and change the trajectory and change the trajectory. So that was and just doing that was a difficult thing to do because it's easier to fall back on old patterns. And but when I was pregnant with my first kid, I was like nope, I'm going to took a psychology class with my husband. And she told us like Nope, I'm going to took a psychology class with my husband. And she told us like, whatever you dealt with as a child, stays in this room and does not go out that door because you will put that on your kid.

Speaker 2 20:55

And I thought about that raising my kids. But my mom you know, I talked about that. I talked about how that experience affected me. I also talked about the fact that my mom kind of lost her identity that night and I feel like not only did I lose my dad, but I lost my mom as well. She lives in the world of victimhood and I have never identified there. And my brother as well.

Speaker 2 21:36

My brother, he went down the road of addiction as well and made some bad choices in his life. However, he is an incredibly you want to talk about resilience. I call him my Hercules, not just because he's like six foot two and 300 pounds, but because he's gone through a lot in his life, things that weren't in his control and things that were in his control. And he's still here and he is on his healing journey right now, and he and I, because he's 10 years younger than me. There was a time where we weren't speaking and now that my mother, after the book came out, she cut me off and I knew that was a possibility. But I'm very much at peace with the decision because our relationship was very toxic and I need to be in relationships that are healthy. And my brother. He still has a relationship with her and um. But in this journey as well, I felt like for the first time, I could help him and be the sister and be the person in his life that is um. That is his true back. You know his ride or die his, you know, and he knows this um.

Speaker 2 23:28

We started healing our, our relationship six years ago and I'm so it was, uh, my mother, and that was really hurtful um to both of us because we, he feels especially that he lost out um a lot of years with me and um. You know I told him it's so good right now, like it doesn't matter. You know we're in the present and I'm so proud of him. And you know he's in therapy and working through stuff and it's not easy, and I had told him like you, keep moving forward.

Speaker 2 24:22

I know that it's really hard for you, but I promise you the freedom from the pain holding over your life is just, it's priceless and um. And so you know, and that's what I, that's what I consider resiliency is not allowing one, your circumstance hold you back, but two, holding you back in life and um, and it's not an easy journey to get to, for sure, but I am so grateful for all the experiences that I have had, good and bad, um, because it's made me who I am. It's given me purpose, and, boy, my purpose shows up Even when I think I don't know am I doing the right thing? You know, and the universe goes oh really, Okay. Well, here's this person that needs to talk to you, or here's this situation that you know needs your message, and so I'm grateful when that happens, when it arises.

Speaker 3 25:51

Wow. Now you said that you have ways of managing your PTSD, because it doesn't ever go away. So you talked about the box breathing, you talked about the journaling. Are there other tools that you use?

Speaker 2 26:06

Yeah, I did do EMDR, Okay, and I know there's more modalities out there that I have not tried yet. But I will tell you the EMDR was pretty incredible and at first I was a little like afraid of it. I didn't know what to expect, but I actually used paddles. Now I tapping was another thing that I had learned to regulate my nervous system. Um, so, like I said, you know, this therapist was great because she took baby steps with me instead of just throwing me into everything. We literally dissected all of the things that I was going through.

Speaker 2 27:01

So initially it was the sleep deprivation and then and that led to the depression, and then we attacked my anxiety attacks and my anxiety and and then, once we did that, then we went into the EMDR. That was like at the time, that was the big dog. Right, that was the big dog. I know that there's a lot more right now. Um, as far as you know, studies that they've done with PTSD and all the different modalities out there that help. But, like I said, it goes back to making sure that your therapist is trauma competent and knows exactly the direction that you need to go and how to guide you there with whatever modalities, and the thing of it is and this is what I say all the time too is that there is no one size fits all, so what worked for me may not work for someone else. I tell people try different modalities and see what works for you. You know, be open. Be open to whatever the therapist thinks that's going to benefit you, and try it.

Speaker 3 28:32

I love what you said interview your therapist. You know, just because they're a therapist doesn't mean they have the skills and the tools to take care of and deal with the things that you're dealing with Exactly. That is such a smart thing to do, and are there ways people can? If they're needing a counselor that is very heavy on the trauma, is there a way to search for that, or is there?

Speaker 2 28:57

Yeah, actually yeah, a way to search for that. Or is there? Yeah, actually yeah. If you look for someone who specializes in PTSD, a lot of times that that would be your key person that would be able to guide you. And then from there you know because I will tell you from what I went through to people who have dealt with, you know sexual assault or you know childhood abuse or both.

Speaker 2 29:25

Those are very specific things. You know murder is one. They're very specific things. Make sure that you're interviewing them and ask them specific questions about. You know what is your experience in this type of trauma? How many patients have you seen that kind of thing? And just I tell people you will know if that's your person right away. If that's your person right away, because if you feel like this person's connecting with you, that you feel like, okay, I can tell this person my story and they're going to protect it, they're going to give me a safe space, you'll know. And you'll know the other way too, like just in asking questions, you'll know if that person understands how to get you through your healing.

Speaker 3 30:33

Love it.

Speaker 1 30:36

Susan, thank you so much for sharing your story and your journey. Right, I mean, and you're still on it, as you mentioned, it's just day by day and knowing what response your body will have given different situations. You'll encounter that when you encounter it and I think that's something that we can all take away in having that understanding it's a journey. So when we're doing the work and we're being honest with ourselves and actually lifting up the rug or digging or diving deeper, like you mentioned, we have to just commit to doing that and doing it for ourselves. That's significant. Yeah, that's so big. So big.

Speaker 2 31:13

Yeah, I think it's really important because, like I said, people will run from feeling pain or discomfort or anything, and what I tell even my own kids is that you have to sit in your emotions and you have to work through your emotions and working through all of the things, because that's the only way the true healing is going to happen. If you keep pushing it away, it's just like someone who is having a panic attack and they just are trying to stave away the panic attack and what happens is it elongates it or it'll stop and it'll start and it'll stop and it'll start, and you know. And so you just have to work yourself through it and know that you're not going to die. I know it feels like it, but you're not going to die. And just be in the fields, you know, feel it, move through it and you know, if you allow yourself to do that, then you find freedom on the other side of it. You find that resilience in yourself.

Speaker 1 32:24

So, yeah, and that's that's my message, yeah, it's a, it's a huge message, so thank you for sharing that with us. I think that's that's significant and definitely valuable to all of our listeners. For our listeners, though, if they'd like to get a hold of you or learn more about what you have going on, or maybe even where you're speaking and sharing, how can our listeners get a hold of you or get in touch with you?

Speaker 2 32:52

Well, I am actually, I'm on TikTok now.

Speaker 1 32:57

Well, welcome you and Pam.

Navigating Trauma and Healing Process

Speaker 2 33:02

Yep, I went down that road. Yeah, so they they could just plug in my name and you'll find me on TikTok. The other I I'm on Instagram as well. It's Susan underscore snow one, and I do have a website it's Susan snow speakscom that gives you information about my book. My book is on Amazon. It is in paperback form and it is in Kindle as well. I am working to get into a studio to do my own audio book, because that's a whole different journey. But if somebody really like, I am open. If you send me a message through Instagram or even through my website, you can certainly send an email to me. I am open to talking to anyone if they need advice or even just for a listening ear. I'm, you know, I am open to that if anybody is, you know, in need.

Speaker 3 34:14

Beautiful. Thank you so much for sharing this story and taking us through this journey that you've gone through. I imagine there are a lot of people out there that needed to hear this today, that are not dealing with some of the trauma that they have, or maybe don't even realize they have trauma and because it is so buried, but things keep, you know, triggering them to have these emotions. So I love this and I'm gonna get the book.

Speaker 1 34:41

our books are stacking, we're having so many guests and I'm just like we've got a massive reading list now, which is not a bad problem.

Speaker 2 34:49

This is a good problem, not a bad problem, yeah, so the nice thing about my book is it's 188 pages, so we're not talking a novel, it novel. I did that for a reason Short, sweet, to the point. Yeah, you know, I did some research on that. Our tension span isn't what it used to be, and so War and Peace is not like super popular book anymore. Because you, um, but yeah, I, I wanted, I wanted to get my message out as fast as I could. The book is in two parts, which is great because the first part is about the trauma, um, the second part is how I got through it, love it, so, um, it doesn't, you know, it leaves you with nuggets in the end.

Speaker 3 35:41

Beautiful Thank you. Thank you so much. Thank you for having me.

Speaker 1 35:47

I love that. Well, we will make sure that we add all of your contact information in our show notes, susan, so thank you. Thank you again For our listeners. You know the drill. If you want to know more about what's happening in the world of Reignite Resilience, head on over to reigniteresiliencecom and then also check us out on Facebook and Instagram. We are happy to connect with you. There you can see some of our video highlights and highlight reels from some of our guests, and if there's something that you're curious, that you'd like to know about, hear about, have us talk about on the show, drop that there as well. We'd love to see that. Until next time, we'll see you all soon. Thanks everyone, thank you.

Speaker 1 36:41

Thank you for joining us on today's episode of Reignite Resilience. We hope that you had amazing ahas and takeaways. Remember to subscribe on your favorite streaming platform, like it and download the upcoming episodes, and if you know anyone in your life that is looking to continue to ignite their resilience, share it with them. We look forward to seeing you on our future episodes and, until then, continue to reignite that fire within your hearts.