Finding Balance in Life's Essentials + Resiliency with JJ Flizanes (Part 1)

Unlock the secrets to personal empowerment and resilience with our inspiring guest, JJ Flazans, a leading empowerment strategist. We journey through JJ's remarkable transformation from a hopeful actress to a pioneering creator of the Empowering Minds Network. Her innovative fusion of personal training, psychology, metaphysics, and quantum physics offers a fresh perspective on wellness and the law of attraction, promising new paths to emotional healing and fulfillment. JJ's insights will captivate you as she shares how she has spent the last decade helping individuals break through emotional barriers to lead their dream lives. Her approach goes beyond traditional positive affirmations, diving into the depths of quantum physics to reveal the true power of attraction.

In our conversation, we also tackle the complex challenge of balancing money, health, and relationships without sacrificing personal well-being. Discover firsthand experiences and valuable lessons from forming a mastermind group aimed at harmonizing these essential life facets. Learn how creativity, authenticity, and genuine connections can drive entrepreneurial success, even in the absence of conventional qualifications. Overcoming fears and trusting the journey are key themes, as we explore how to transform struggles into joy and create a fulfilling life. This episode is packed with motivation and practical strategies that will leave you ready to reignite your passion and embrace new challenges with renewed resilience.

About JJ Flizanes:
 jj@jjflizanes.com

/jjflizanes IG
/jflizanes on FB

JJ Flizanes is an Empowerment Strategist and the creator of the Empowering Minds Network. JJ Flizanes works with conscious, spiritual truth seekers who want to remove emotional blocks to success. She helps people identify sabotaging patterns and transmute struggle into joy. Through a series of clarifying exercises, she

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Transcript

Speaker 1 0:06

All of us reach a point in time where we are depleted and need to somehow find a way to reignite the fire within. But how do we spark that flame? Welcome to Reignite Resilience, where we will venture into the heart of the human spirit. Resilience where we will venture into the heart of the human spirit. We'll discuss the art of reigniting our passion and strategies to stoke our enthusiasm. And now here are your hosts, natalie Davis and Pamela Cass.

Speaker 2 0:41

Welcome back to another episode of reignite resilience Resilience. I am your co-host, natalie Davis, and I am so excited to be back with you all today and joining me again, none other than Miss Pam Kass. Pam, how are you?

Speaker 3 0:55

Fabulous, it's day three of meeting another incredible guest. So yeah, we're kind of rocking and rolling this week.

Speaker 2 1:02

Oh my gosh. This week has probably like my bucket is full. I am feeling inspired, I'm feeling motivated. After every call I just have more and more clarity in terms of what we're doing, not only with this podcast, but also just in other businesses, that we're running the fun part of life and that balance of everything else that comes our way. So I know I'm super excited to dive into today's episode as well.

Speaker 3 1:28

Yeah, me too, me too.

Speaker 2 1:30

Well, why don't you tell our listeners who's joining us?

Speaker 3 1:32

Absolutely so. We have a very special guest coming from sunny California. So JJ Flazans is an empowerment strategist and the creator of the Empowering Minds Network. Jj works with conscious spiritual truth seekers who want to remove emotional blocks to success. She helps people identify sabotaging patterns which I can't wait to hear that and transmute struggle into joy. Through a series of clarifying exercises she is able to curate a personalized rose map to emotional healing. Jj is passionate about empowering people with the knowledge and awareness of how they can live the life of their dreams. Who doesn't want to do that? Welcome. Thank you so much for being with us today and I would love to just hand it to you first to just share your story with our listeners.

Speaker 4 2:25

Well, thank you Pam, thank you Natalie. So I know this is a long form show and I am a talker, but I can also wrap this up pretty quick. So I'm gonna give you the highlights, because I want to get to the meat and potatoes. I have a podcast, I have a network. Anyone can hear more about me later in terms of, like, lots of free content to binge, all kinds of free classes. You'll hear all about that.

Speaker 4 2:45

So the highlights of the story go that I was born, I'm a Pisces, like a lot of Sag in me. I'm very curious. I'm a firstborn Fast forward. I want to do fun things in life. I want to be an actress, so I go to do that. But then when I go to school I'm like, oh, but I care about my body, I want to make it the best it can be in all ways and I want it to be strong as well as look good. So I end up working at a gym and from there I got really intrigued with personal training and wanted to learn more about the science, became a personal trainer, learned the science which most trainers don't have, by the way, and don't have, by the way, and I did that for a very long time became the fact that I was listed as the best personal trainer in Los Angeles in 2007 by Elite Traveler Magazine. I've been featured in lots of media as a personal trainer on my own company, invisible Fitness. But at the same time the left brain started to come online and be like oh, I'm actually smart, oh, this is good, as well as sort of creative and intuitive and emotional and expressive and all those other things. So it sort of balanced out my brain to figure all that out.

Speaker 4 3:50

And then I moved from New York City to California in 2000. I started my own personal training company a year later. Well, it was kind of a franchise of somebody else's and through that, because those two things didn't necessarily look like they matched the whole acting thing into personal training. Because those two things didn't necessarily look like they matched the whole acting thing and a personal training. But then as we moved into what motivates people to take care of their body, so learning the science also brought in the other sciences of psychology and behavioral sciences. And then that course brought in all the other sciences of metaphysics and quantum physics and the spirituality piece, because I'm a deep diver. I like to understand why things work the way they work, and when I have a bunch of tools which I have a boat load of, when the tools I have don't work and someone isn't responding the way that I want them to, I go, oops, time to learn something new. What's not working here? What do I got to go learn now? And so I go learn something else, apply it until it works and I go okay, cool, I fixed that and I had to learn a new tool Along the way.

Speaker 4 4:44

In terms of resilience, I learned about law of attraction and started teaching it in 2001. I teach it a little differently than the average person teaches it, because it is science. It is actually quantum physics, and so most people think it's about wishing and wanting and acting like you're happy and saying positive things and affirmations, but that's actually not what it's about. I mean it is, but not quite as simply. So I started my podcast, the first one in 2014. I'm almost at 10 years. A month from now will be my 10 year mark of being a podcaster, thank you.

Speaker 4 5:16

But it was to put myself out there to see what people wanted from me. I had a six day a week show video and audio not the whole six days. Two days were video and the other four days were just audio and it was solo shows and interviews and all kinds of everything from exercise and proper form to cooking and easy paleo, gluten and dairy free cooking, to wellness and hormones, to psychology and intuition, to law of attraction, spirituality and astrology, to relationships and sexuality and sex and all Okay. So I covered the whole gamut and the whole goal was to find out like hey, universe, how do you want me to show up? I have all this information. I'm passionate about all of it, although I'm more passionate about one thing at that time. And then universe sort of spit back at me what the right thing was.

Speaker 4 5:57

So, after 350 episodes in 18 months, my intuition said they can't really find you. The brand you're using is not clear to those that you will serve. So I took my six day a week show and made five different shows and I rebranded them more specifically to the topic on the show. And then I put the first one out in the world, thinking I have nothing to sell them. There's no funnel, there's no offer, there's no lead magnet, there's nothing. I have nothing. So I'm just going to put it out, because it was my guilty pleasure anyway. And, of course, what was it about? Law of attraction? And, of course, what happened?

Speaker 4 6:28

two months later, I attracted all these people that were like, oh my God, your show is changing my life, I want more. And I'm like what? Oh, okay. So then I decided to lean into that and go well, what am I going to make for you? So I gathered everybody at first and said we're going to get together and I'm going to make this manifestation challenge. It's going to be 30 days. Now, that was 2016. So it was eight years ago. I did it for a while. Now I'm doing 14 day manifestation challenges.

Speaker 4 6:57

So anyone who's listening, who's interested my next one's November 1st, but back to then I did this 30 day challenge and I ran them every couple of months and I just built this community and then from there it's like the incubator was created and I would listen and help and coach and then see what they needed and then create something to give them what they needed and what they were willing to pay for. And boom, I had a business and uh, and there you go. So that's sort of where we are now and what I've specialized in in the emotional processing piece. I've since retired as a personal trainer. As a one-on-one personal trainer, I'm currently running a program right now it's a beta called Date your Body and it's about getting rid of body shame and it's about still attending to your body, but it's about dealing with all the pieces and parts of the body and, of course, your relationship to it. And I'm now bringing back all of the stuff I've ever created for personal training into this program, which feels really nice to kind of keep recycling and reusing and repurposing all the effort and things that I've created.

Speaker 4 7:51

But I really specialize now because, again, I'm a truth seeker. So I want to go to the what's the fastest way to the biggest change. What is the fastest, easiest way to figure out how to fix something? And for me it's core wounds. Core wounds when it comes to people's everything relationships, health, as well as money and business. Because your core wounds are what is the foundation of your belief system, and your belief system is how you manifest. Because whatever you believe is what you get, and so if we're not changing what you believe, then we can't change what you get. So that kind of is all wrapped up in a nice neat bow of my entire career. There you go, wow.

Speaker 3 8:29

Okay, I'm gonna sit back for a moment and just digest that.

Speaker 1 8:35

Well JJ.

Speaker 2 8:36

I feel like that is a lot of the entrepreneurial mind. It's like, well, I think I'll do this and I will, of course, I have to learn this and you start to add all of the pieces to it and then, before you know it, you have what you just shared. You have so many modalities and tools in your toolkit and the ability to help people not just in specific sections of their life, but now, from a holistic approach. You're able to look at and work with an individual to help them where they have the need.

Speaker 4 9:05

I had someone who reached out to me two days ago and I talked with her yesterday. She's someone I've known for 20 years. I met her networking. I was a personal trainer then she was doing. I forget what she was doing exactly, but she was putting a platform out there for, I think, divorced women or divorced mothers or something, and she asked me to participate by providing content for her. And she reached and she has been when I launched my rewire beta.

Speaker 4 9:27

So I always do a beta test of a course first to see and cause. It gives me permission to not have anything prepared. I'm like, okay, here's what I think I'm going to give you and I don't know where it's going to go. It's why it's a beta, it's why it's less money than it's going to be next time I do this. And she was interested in my rewire last year when I did it and when I said who wants to rewire their core one patterns? She's like I do and I'm like, okay, great, that was a year, over a year ago, and even though she's kind of been in touch a little bit here or there, I've done events since then. I've had a summit since then. I've had things happening, but you know she hasn't really done anything.

Speaker 4 9:59

I get a direct message on Instagram two days ago hey, I need some help figuring out my next step in my business. It's like, okay, so we chatted and I was like, hey, so how can I help you? And she told me and she goes. I've known you forever, I've watched you grow and you're a role model and I'm like, oh, okay, cool. Well, I said I don't really work with anybody because, as you know, I focus on the emotional piece. I do have a mastermind. I do work with people in business, but you have to do the emotional work first, because it has to be, because there is no separation.

Balancing Money, Health, and Relationships

Speaker 1 10:27

I will not coach anybody financially.

Speaker 4 10:29

Who is willing to be out of balance between money and health or money and relationships? I do not do that. In fact, that's why I created a mastermind, because I couldn't find anyone else doing it. Everyone is like if it's about money, it's about money and you do whatever you have to do to make that money, including not pay attention to your health, not pay attention to your relationships, be out of balance, and I'm like I don't know, that's not how I operate. So so it's interesting. Yes, I span the whole thing.

Speaker 4 10:53

The money piece was new about five years ago, but I again it's a call to like when I stood up in one of my events and I was getting ready to cause I had been doing masterminds for free, just because I wanted to do it and I was good at it and I'm like okay, it's time to get paid for this and it's time to invite my community even though I don't talk about money at all on the show. Well, I little here and there, I thought let me do this, and I was shaking in my boots. I was so scared. I was my, I mean, I could a way and I thought, okay, well, I'm going to give myself permission to fail. If no one in this room wants it, it doesn't mean it's the wrong idea, it just means it's not the right time. So, it's okay, I'll make a fool of myself, I'll go out there and see who wants to do and if nobody does it, I'll lick my wounds and go. Okay, fine, I'll just wait till it is the right time. And, of course, I had a full group of 13 people. So, anyway, it was great.

Speaker 4 11:44

But I it's what entrepreneurs go through. When you have the creative idea and then you don't give yourself permission to explore it because it isn't what you're qualified to do, says your degree or qualified to do, says your training, all right, well, f that whatever Like, you get to create whatever you want to and whoever resonates with you. It doesn't matter what your degrees are, if they resonate with you and they trust you and they like you. Hence what podcasting does for us, right? You build a know, like and trust. They're going to hire you because they trust you. They're not going to hire somebody because they have a lot of credentials If they don't trust them. That's what people pay for, yeah yeah, absolutely All right.

Speaker 3 12:20

Can we? Can we talk about core wounds a little bit? I'd really love to dig into that and the connection between core wounds and that manifestation and even the core wounds in people's success 90% of your brain is unconscious, subconscious.

Speaker 4 12:43

Okay, so only at best. 10, 15%, 12% of your brain is conscious. That means what we're talking about right now, the person who's listening to this, who's present and listening although you could be driving and still be present, but you don't have, like another conversation going on and the other, like in the back of your head. That percentage of our brain is what we want in our lives. It's the thing that helps us to manifest, it's the wishes and desires, it's the ones that make goals, it's the one that says oh, I see that over there, I like that, I want that. But the other part of our brain is our subconscious, which gets created between the time we're about three months away from being born until seven. So there are different brain waves. We've got alpha and theta and delta and beta, and for a child, you're only in theta mostly, which is the hypnotic state. You're in a hypnosis, basically, and in survival from the time in the womb until seven. Your conscious doesn't come online until seven, when you're in alpha and beta and you can clarify decisions. You can see.

Speaker 4 13:44

Oh, my person said this to me. Oh well, they didn't mean it that way, they meant it this way Like to be able to think about thoughts doesn't happen until you're about eight, so until seven-ish you are in survival mode and you're in impression mode. You're in whatever is happening outside of me. My brain is taking in as fact, it's recording things, it's making observations, it's trying to survive, survive in this family, survive in this world. Get fed, get loved, get the things that I need that I'm not conscious of because it's coming from a survival point of view. So if your parents left you screaming in the room because they were taught that they should be a detached parent and let you figure it out and you are screaming, thinking where the hell are you people? And I'm abandoned, I'm gonna die, then what gets programmed is abandonment yeah, devalued, neglected, ignored, right. And so, all of a sudden, these become the belief systems that run your entire life, but most people don't know what they are.

Speaker 3 14:42

So those are the wounds.

Speaker 4 14:43

Those are the wounds and it's important to know what they are if you want more than what you currently have. And here's where, like core wounds and law of attraction come into play. Law of attraction done like when again, by the way, in case it's new to you or you have a this is a belief system. It's not, it's science. I can prove on every level scientifically why law of attraction is a science. It. Law of attraction is a science, it's quantum physics. But it never turns off.

Speaker 4 15:05

You don't just say I'm going to manifest today. Guess what you are manifesting. 24, seven. What you believe and what you expect will show up for you, whether you like it or not. So, becoming conscious of your energy, not just your thoughts, not just your words, but the energy underneath those things, because you can say in one hand well, I'm going to, I'm going to make a million dollars this month and you can want to mean that. But if your subconscious doesn't believe that, it is kicking it out and that is not what you're getting, because it doesn't match, because you don't have a picture, you don't understand why You're not really convinced, you don't really believe that.

Speaker 4 15:37

Yeah, but when it comes to law of attraction, people say well, I tried, it didn't work. We're here to expand and grow in this life. If there's something that you want that you don't have which is kind of the whole point, right Is that we want to manifest something we don't currently have. We have to grow into being and vibrating at a frequency and allowing it and thinking differently and believing differently to get the thing that we want. But if we don't know what programs are underneath there, then they're going to sabotage you Even if you get it. You may get the thing that you tried so hard and you've got to the right frequency and you had the belief momentarily, and then it comes in and then you get it and then you sabotage it. Why? Because you've a program that says you don't deserve it. You have a belief system that says, if you get this, I'm going to be abandoned.

Speaker 4 16:20

So this is why, to me, yes, I started off in this core wound because of my own relationship and learning this and then, of course, realizing as I did this exercise, I said to the therapist at the time. I said why? I mean, it was one of those huge life altering light bulb moments where I said to her why isn't every single person in therapy, doing this exercise when they start, oh my God, it would change everything. And of course, no one else thought like I did about that. So I took it and ran because it was life-changing. I mean, here I am looking at this pattern.

Speaker 4 16:53

My ex-husband now ex-husband at the time was husband and I. He'd tell me that I do have a behavior and I'm sure you guys can relate this, we all can. He'd say something and say you know that thing you do doesn't work. And consciously in my brain I'd be like, yeah, I know, bugging you about that, educating you about that. I see that it's not working. Yet Somehow I can't stop doing it. It keeps happening. But I know 100%, you are correct, it does not work. But for some reason I have not. It has not changed my habits.

Speaker 4 17:21

Well, when I did the core moon exercise and I saw the pattern and it went back all the way to like when I was 10. Oh my, my Sag moon went holy cow, this is a wound you've been doing forever. And then I instantly stopped because that that information, the Sag brain, the truth of me, said oh, this isn't about him, this is about you. You've been doing this forever as a, as a defense, oh, to get love and attention, to get love and connection, and it's not working and it's never worked. So, oh, my God, okay, I'll put it down. And so I did.

Speaker 4 17:52

And so for me, moving from the just the relational piece of core wounds to the healings physical healing of core wounds, moves into the money about core wounds. If you have a core wound of being devalued, most likely you devalue yourself, and then what happens is you give your business away, you don't charge enough, you spend too much time people pleasing and overgiving, and then you're depleted, then you're frustrated, then you're sick and then you're tired, then you're over when you're burnt out, like in. The cycle continues. But if you don't understand how to stop it, you don't pull the root out. To stop it. We have to change the behavior. But that's why I think it's the most important thing. And there are too many people in therapy for years and years and years and years and years tell them the same damn story over and over again and they don't know what their core wounds are and they don't take any responsibility for keeping them active.

Speaker 3 19:30

Yeah, how do you help people uncover what their core wounds are? I mean, I've got a personal coach and so he often has said what's the pattern here? Has this been something that you've done your whole life? And once you start you're like, oh yeah, that actually is a pattern. But if you don't have a coach or you don't have a therapist that maybe is trained in how to walk people through identifying their core wounds, can it be done on your own?

Speaker 4 19:56

Well, I created a course called the Roadmap to Emotional Healing and I do walk people through the exercise, so it's a do-it-yourself-at-your-own-pace kind of course. It's going to be a good place to start. But since I created that course, what two, three years ago? I fine-tuned the process. I've now even made what I call a core wound map. I think I'm at the end because I'm always in the digging. I'm in the digging more and more specific, more and more to the point. I like efficient, I like who cares about the story, like, get to the bottom line, give me the thing that needs to change. And the core wound map has three parts to it. The first part is identifying the top three core wounds. It's what I call the circuit, because you know subconsciously if you have a wound of abandonment. And here's how this plays out for people it's the person or the woman, but sometimes the man, but it happens. Women really show this and demonstrate this. It's like the people that you know, whether it be you or not, who you're dating somebody or you're in a situation with a partner and you reach out to them because you want to feel connected, and then they don't respond right away, and then they don't respond the next day, and then you freak out and you're like crazy, right? Well, usually that's a pattern from being abandoned, because literally you're reenacting. Being abandoned because the intensity at which you react to that is not justified by the situation, because it goes way back to your childhood. But then we reactivate, so your subconscious says you're being abandoned and then you react. So this circuit is one to get familiar with it's, to get conscious about it's, to get conscious about it's, to observe. It happened to me today. It happened to me today with one of my wounds and what happens is, as you learn, your circuit, which includes the top three core wounds, the immediate gut reaction, feeling that you have it happens instantly, like you're not even going to know what happens until you're in the negative feeling. And then you're in the negative feeling and then you're in the reaction. And that's where people you know once you can start to see that you punish people, you withdraw, you avoid, you rebel, you, whatever it is you do. And that's what you do If you can take a step back as an observer and see that now we can make some change and have some consciousness around it. But if you're just unconsciously repeating the pattern all the time you don't see it, you can't stop it. Yeah, so that's the first piece. It's a circuit.

Speaker 4 22:06

The next piece, for anyone that knows their core wounds, would be to ask yourself so if it was just a one-time thing? Yes, it was a belief system that got created, but if it was a one-time thing, you could probably move on, and it's not a big deal. But what happens when this becomes a belief is that you act out that belief. So I ask people so is that you act out that belief? So I ask people. So, in the ways of abandon, let's go through it For anyone who's listening.

Speaker 4 22:26

If you think your core one is abandonment, I would ask you to show me, tell me, three ways that you abandon you, which is usually going to be. I spend more time helping other people than I do with myself. I attend to others' needs before mine. I don't listen to my intuition. I make choices against what I think is right because I listen to others, because I, you know. So those would be some examples of how you keep taking responsibility for how I keep that core wound very active, yeah, and then we have to, of course, change that pattern, and then the third section of the map is where we don't wait to be triggered to do it differently. We proactively lean into and create a new neural pathway, and that's why I created a program called the rewiring your core wound patterns. Because the personal trainer have you guys ever had a trainer?

Speaker 4 23:15

a personal trainer, okay, oh yes, do you work out harder with?

Speaker 3 23:18

the trainer.

Speaker 2 23:19

Yeah, yeah.

Speaker 4 23:20

Okay. Would you push yourself on your own to the place you get pushed, with someone over top of you that you're paying, that's watching you?

Speaker 2 23:26

No, Absolutely not.

Speaker 4 23:28

It's the same thing with changing some of these core wounds. The personal trainer in me is now back as your emotional coach to help you stretch into and create neuroplasticity in your brain by doing something that your brain wants to say is dangerous and is going to kill you, which it's not like crying or letting go of control, and we're going to proactively create a new pathway that says I am important, I am valuable, I am visible, I am valued, I show up for me. But normally, because you don't have those pathways, it's going to feel like I tell a story about my cats. I've got a bunch of cats, but my partner and I took two of them with us on an RV trip last year in October and it was the perfect neuroplasticity example. And both of us had never rented an RV. We'd never even slept in an RV. We'd like stepped into one to go to the bathroom, but we'd never been on. So I thought, okay, let's take the two older girls to get away from the youngest one, because she's a terror, and give them a break, and we're going to take this trip.

Speaker 4 24:22

So I parked the RV in the front. We're loading it, the cats get in it, they're looking around, they're curious. I'm like what's going on, you know, we shut the door, we turn the engine on, we start to go and it's like holy terror and they run into the bed and going on new environment. Oh my god, oh my god, okay. And so I could sense. I'm there trying to sue them. But no, their brain was in survival of I'm going to die.

Speaker 4 24:46

That was day one. We get to our destination, we turn the rv off. The cats are like oh cool, okay, now what looking around they're, you know, checking it out what they're, they're happy. And this cycle continues for five days, except that every day it gets better and better. Every day they get more relaxed because their brain adapts, because their brain's creating new neural pathways, because every day the same stimulus does not have the same effect, because their brain goes oh, I'm safe, I'm not going to die with that sound. And that's what we have to create within ourselves. In order to create new belief systems. Sometimes we have to stretch beyond what our comfort zone is.

Speaker 3 25:20

Yeah, we see this a lot, the abandonment thing in real estate. So we are both real estate coaches and they don't hear from a client. They've left me and so it's interesting that it could. It's probably tied to core wounds that they have from many, many years ago. So interesting, yeah, wow, absolutely.

Speaker 2 25:42

Well and JJ, you've combined this when you're looking at like the manifestation piece of that and your fitness, like this all originated and stemmed from you doing a deep dive into that world of fitness. Right Like I want to learn all that there is to know, understanding the science and that opened up the door to all of the other areas of science to bring us to where you are today. But the book that you wrote Fit to Love. I feel that that takes people down a specific path when they're looking at relationships with others, because this is great when we are able to identify our own personal core wounds start to go on that journey. But then you introduce significant other children, parents, I mean. When you're looking at the relationships with the people around you, that takes a different turn. Talk to us a little bit about the book and how all of your modalities and tools have come into play with bringing that together.

Speaker 4 26:32

Well Fit to Love was written in 2010, slash 11. And it was actually around the idea of what was my story like from a business perspective. You know, I had a lot of knowledge and science and I even had good press, but it became like, all right, what's your story when it comes to fitness? And my story wasn't that I lost a hundred pounds and now I'm a fitness trainer. So I had to find what that meant for me, and really what it became was the identification of self-care. Self-care and this idea of self-healing, because I met my husband at a time where I didn't need him, because too many times we think we're victims of like we can only get X, Y and Z need met if others play along, and that's not true at all. And in terms of tools, today I'd love to teach people sort of how to take their power back when it comes to those needs. I have a nifty little handout and a way to sort of help people feel empowered right now, in any situation, no matter what your core wounds are, no matter what your astrology is or your birth order or your story, whatever it really gets. Again, it's a tool that gets to the point of right now. Forget the story. But before I met him, you know, like you might say well, I want someone to take me out to dinner Well, take yourself out to dinner. I want someone to buy me flowers, buy yourself flowers. I want to go dancing Well, go dancing Like you don't have to wait for somebody else to get any of these things. But so often we become victims of our own lack of ideas because we're looking at general society and the way people treat themselves and the paradigms that we grew up with, and it's not true. It's not true. So fitness and self-care became the way that I sort of manifested my husband, and it actually still became that later when. And that whole that's a whole nother manifestation story of the transition from him to my current partner, who is my soulmate he was too. They both were soulmates.

Speaker 4 28:14

But I had a lot of shame at the end of that because I thought, okay, I teach law of attraction, I helped other people's marriages, but I'm not saving my own, even though I'm trying everything and I'm learning everything to do that. And then, of course, once I made peace with that and I was able to like surrender, the universe got me a faster husband. It happened even faster and I was like what, Like cause? I had this ego of like, the shame of like I manifested my husband in three weeks Like that's never gonna happen. First date. We were engaged between the first and second date Like we're never gonna, I'm never gonna top that again.

Speaker 4 28:47

And then I literally like let go and I did everything I could. I've learned so much. I literally started my podcast to save my marriage, All the people I brought on, all the things I learned I did. I am the walking experiment of everything I've ever learned. And when I let go and I was doing all my law of attraction practices during that time and the minute I let go, the universe gave me Doug and I was like wait, hold on.

Speaker 4 29:11

Like two hours later I was like wait, no, no, no, no, I want it from that guy. Like I want it from my husband, I don't want a new guy. Universe is like you're not going to get it from that guy, Like all the things that you want are not coming from him. I'm like but they can. He's like no, they can't. I'm like, okay.

Speaker 4 29:24

So here I am two hours later in a new didn't even realize at the time because I didn't want it. I was like, oh, this feels good, but no, no, no, you want to experience, yeah, yeah, and the frequency and the desires and the programs and all those things that match. And I kept living in a, in a, in a non-reality, like people had no idea, because I wasn't in the blame game, I wasn't in um, while I was not, I wasn't unhappy, I was a happy person in a situation where I didn't know how to make it any better, and doing everything that I possibly could within myself to do that. And then even frequency, like being. I recorded a podcast a couple of weeks ago called how to help someone that doesn't want help, and it's what I did during that time, which did work, by the way. It worked to elevate his frequency, it worked to get me, but ultimately it wasn't going to be sustainable because I can't vibrate for anybody else. Right, I can just be at a place where I evoke a better feeling from you based on what I'm thinking and telling myself, but ultimately it has to be the person that comes to the table with their own desire to sustain that frequency.

Speaker 4 30:34

So Bit to Love was actually not about how to manifest a partner. It was about that the love of your life is you and you have to start with that, because if it isn't you, then you're a victim all the time, waiting for someone else to fill you up with their validation or their love or attention, and it's not coming from a place, it's not coming from a solid ground you do not have. I believe. I believe I was going to say I know, but it doesn't matter what I know, because if you don't believe it, it's not, it's not the truth for you, but what I believe is that everybody has to be the love of their own life in order for them to have success in any relationship moving forward.

Speaker 3 31:10

And how do you do that? How do you somebody that's always been in a relationship, never really had a relationship with themselves? How do you teach someone to do that?

Speaker 4 31:20

Okay, so this, this tool that I brought, we'll actually start that Um and I'll segue into it because I think it will help that I just got off a call with a client who had a story going on her whole life about being the middle child and nobody really paying attention to her and that her needs didn't matter and everybody else was more important than her, and and that trickled over into her marriage and then into her divorce and and she's still mad about it and I'm like it's because you keep telling the same story. I go why did you incarnate? What are you here to learn? What are you going to leverage from this? Because you have that capability. Like your brain, your subconscious has a picture that you keep manifesting over and over again, because that's the only picture it has. You have to create a new picture. We have to go into and embed and imbue new positive and desirable energy into an excitement about something you want to have that you don't currently have but you would like to have. And so she doesn't know how to dream, she doesn't know how to even know what she wants in her life, and it's such a problem for women, more than men, to not, because they're so used to just serving other people, because your role is mom, your role is wife, your role is sister, your role is and like.

Speaker 4 32:23

Who are you? It's why many, many women around menopause, when their children leave, are depressed and anxious and bored, because they don't know who they are and they don't know what they're going to do with the other half of their life because their mom roles are done. Who am I? What lights me up? I don't know. What lights me up is my children. Yeah, that's not good. That's not the only thing that lights you up. Who are you as a person, who are you as a soul, in this body, in this? What if you didn't have children? Who would you be? Who would you want to be? Who were you before you had children? So this exercise would be a great way for anyone who doesn't. So let me explain what to do with it, but I'll explain first where to get it. So I don't have this on my website, anywhere you can find, because without the explanation and the steps, the questions to ask yourself, it's kind of useless. Nobody would know what to do with it.

Speaker 4 33:09

Okay, but it's called the feelings and needs list and the top half of it is a hundred different feeling words and the bottom is 86 basic human needs. So let me just say need is not needy, doesn't mean you're dependent, doesn't mean you're weak, it doesn't mean it's none of that. It's like these are 86 basic human needs, but nobody ever teaches you that you have these needs. So you feel like asking for support. It's like indulgent, or that excitement and fun is pleasurable, but I don't deserve pleasure and fun. No, pleasure and fun are a human need.

Speaker 4 33:38

So so you can go to to judgesflazanescom forward slash feelings list feelings with an S feelings list and download this cheat. My recommendation is that you print many, many copies and you put them everywhere on your desk, in your purse, in your bag, in your bathroom, on your refrigerator at work and your desk. You put them everywhere because anytime you're triggered, regardless of your core wound I teach this first before I teach anything about core wounds, because I don't no matter what the context is. Anytime you have a negative emotion, let me repeat that anytime you have a negative emotion, it's because a need is not being met.

Speaker 2 34:13

We hope that you have enjoyed part one of our two-part interview with JJ Flizanes. If you were not aware of your core wounds or even the fact that there was a core wound exercise, that's out there to help you navigate through some of those core wounds that we all have and carry with us throughout life, make sure that you tune into part two, because we're going to dive deeper into her process of rewiring your core wound patterns to give you some additional tools and resources to identify and work through and rewire them. We'll hope to see you soon.

Speaker 1 34:48

Thank you for joining us today on the Reignite Resilience podcast. We hope you had some aha moments and learned a few new real life ideas. To fuel the flames of passion, please subscribe on your favorite streaming platform, like or download your favorite episodes and, of course, share with your friends and family. We look forward to seeing you again next time on Reignite Resilience.