Transforming Everyday Conversations + Resiliency with Kirk McCarley (Part 1)

Ever wondered how a coaching mindset can redefine your day-to-day interactions? Meet Kirk McCarley, the seasoned executive and career coach who turned his wealth of HR experience into a passion for helping others navigate life's challenges. Join us as we chat with Kirk about his fascinating journey from the world of HR to becoming a beacon of resilience and inspiration. We uncover his vibrant life in Texas, sharing personal stories that illustrate the vital role of resilience in maintaining enthusiasm through life's busy schedules.

Curiosity and connection take center stage as we explore how adopting a coaching mindset can transform everyday conversations into meaningful exchanges. Kirk shares humorous anecdotes, such as the playful interactions with his family, while also touching on the serious, like his life-changing cardiac event in 2014. This pivotal moment accelerated his career transition, highlighting the power of perseverance and support in overcoming obstacles. Together, we dissect the nuanced differences between coaching and counseling, offering insights on how each can contribute to personal growth.

Kirk, the "seed sower coach," delivers invaluable advice on fostering a thriving lifestyle. With over 37 years of HR experience and a rich history with ESPN, he shares his strategies for managing stress through exercise, connection, and writing. These practices have been instrumental in his life and offer practical tools for anyone seeking personal growth. Don't miss out on the wisdom shared in this episode and stay tuned for part two, where Kirk reveals even more strategies for living a fulfilled life. Remember to subscribe, like, and share to inspire your own circle of passion seekers.

About kirk mccarley
theseedsowercoach.com
https://www.linkedin.com/in/kirk-mccarley-1bbba950/

Thank you to our sponsors: 

Casa Sagrada 

Taste Life Nutrition

Ciudad Maderas

The Quiet Gift: A Journey of Self Worth and Resilience is now available for download as an audible.  Check it out!

Transcript

Speaker 1 0:06

All of us reach a point in time where we are depleted and need to somehow find a way to reignite the fire within. But how do we spark that flame? Welcome to Reignite Resilience, where we will venture into the heart of the human spirit. Resilience where we will venture into the heart of the human spirit. We'll discuss the art of reigniting our passion and strategies to stoke our enthusiasm. And now here are your hosts, natalie Davis and Pamela Cass.

Speaker 2 0:41

Welcome back to another episode of reignite resilience Resilience. I am your co-host, Natalie Davis, and I'm so excited to be back with you all today. We have none other than Pam Kass joining us, of course. Pam, how are you None?

Speaker 3 0:55

other than Pam Kass. I always love that announcement. I think it makes me feel good. I feel like this has been a marathon week for us. It has Next week. We have no meetings. We probably won't even see each other we have had. This is our third time together today and our fourth time recording this week.

Speaker 2 1:14

That's correct, so we just do it.

Speaker 3 1:18

Yeah, we drink from the fire hose and then we take a little break and then we'll be back again.

Speaker 2 1:23

So yeah, yeah. So for anyone out there, any of our listeners, if you ever wonder well, what do they do in their off time when they're not recording? We're typically having meetings about recording, so meetings with all of our team members and making sure that we're on track. Everything is syncing together and today happened to be one of those days. This week is one of those weeks, but it's a good time.

Speaker 3 1:46

I love it. It is a good time and throw some coaching and some real estate in there, and why not? We're teaching a class, whatever else, we're going to do Whatever else with all of the hats that we wear with all of the hats that we wear.

Speaker 2 1:55

I mean, how else would we be equipped to talk about resiliency if we ourselves are not Totally I?

Speaker 3 2:01

agree, You've got to live it Well. We have a fabulous Real estate.

Speaker 4 2:06

I've always wanted to be on Selling Sunset. I didn't realize that I came on to that.

Speaker 2 2:11

We don't do that type of real estate.

Speaker 3 2:13

Not that there's anything wrong with it. Yeah, that's a little different than what we do. Ours is way better. Exactly, ours would be so much better, so much better.

Speaker 4 2:25

Oh good.

Speaker 2 2:26

Call us whatever network that is, but we have a guest joining us today. So, Pam, why don't you tell our listeners about the mystery voice?

Speaker 3 2:35

I know the mystery voice that we've got. Well, we are so excited to welcome Kirk McCarley. He has more than 30 years of executive leadership experience in both public and private sector environments. He has a solid reputation for fostering individual growth and development beyond the client's expectations. As an executive and career coach, his focus is on desired customer outcomes, predicted upon the premise that the individual possesses their ingredients for success. The coach's role is to ask the right questions to draw out those ingredients, help the clients develop the recipe and achieve their full potential. Welcome, Kirk, we are so excited for you to be here and learn from you, and so I'm going to pass it to you. And you know, tell us your story and what has led you to where you're at today.

Speaker 4 3:30

I'm a native Texan, grew up there, went to school, met my wife at a frat party. I kicked my coverage with her because she's still with me now after 44 years. Love it. She's the talented one in this relationship. She's an interior designer, not decorator. She corrected me last night when we were talking about her occupation, so she's got just an incredible eye for things. So she has certainly boosted me up during all this time.

Speaker 4 4:03

I've got a couple of kids. They live in outside Chicago and another one outside in Savannah and they've been quite productive with their spouses with six kids. So we've got six grandkids and another one soon to be on the way. So that's about me personally. And as you mentioned before, pam, thank you I do coaching. I've been doing that for about eight years. That followed a long career in HR. I also work for Disney. I'm one of the cast characters for ESPN and football season week one starts next weekend. This is week zero this week, so I'll be traveling to Morgantown, west Virginia, and joining my friends there, and then I have a group cycling class that I lead a couple of mornings a week here in Destin, florida.

Speaker 3 4:54

I love it. That's a lot. That's like spinning coaching corporate world. So you've got a lot of hats as well that you wear.

Speaker 4 5:02

I like that guy on the proposal who was on the office before that. He married him and he was there for everything. I don't do the mail stripping though.

Speaker 3 5:14

Okay, yes, the waiter, the mail stripper the caterer. Yes, I was like, who is he talking about in the proposal? I'm like, oh, I remember now.

Speaker 4 5:24

Yeah, I think he's Oscar on the Office, I think.

Speaker 2 5:27

That's it. Yes, he's awesome, yes, he's awesome.

Speaker 3 5:30

Okay, so you were in the HR realm for 30 years and so are you still doing that, or is it? That's kind of a past life and now you're doing?

Speaker 4 5:40

Yeah, that's a past life. It was a great foundation for what I'm doing now, but there was a moment in time this is about 11 years ago I'm ready to move on to the next thing, whatever that's going to be, and so I was considering several different things. I could teach therapy. I've gone through that myself. I like to experience the other side. I also thought about pastoral ministry, but what I did? I hired a coach. I also thought about pastoral ministry, but what I did? I hired a coach, and it was about our third meeting. I looked at him and I said I want to do what you do, and that's how that started.

Speaker 2 6:15

Okay, okay, that means you had a really good coach.

Speaker 4 6:20

Yeah, he was a good coach. He challenged me, caused me to think. And that was very effective, because 11 years later, I'm still in it. I'm loving it. Yeah, absolutely.

Speaker 3 6:32

Have you learned stuff about yourself as a coach or being a coached?

Navigating Life's Challenges and Overcoming

Speaker 4 6:36

I learn from each of my clients. I learn their stories first of all, which are just fascinating, and sometimes I pinch myself Pam and Natalie, and what am I doing here at this moment talking to this person and hearing this story that they're conveying to me? It's taught me a lot about pacing, rhythm, getting in alignment with the person that I'm visiting with on that day, and learning to not speak out of turn but to get into a rhythm and a cadence and give them time to get their story out. So that is a little bit of my approach and I almost go into that. When I go into conversations, I have a coach myself. Still, it's not the guy that got me into coaching, but I shared with Alan, my coach. I said Alan, I find myself in social interaction. It almost feels like I'm in a coaching meeting. Yes, could I be worried about that? And he said what's wrong with that? All right, we'll take it.

Speaker 3 7:42

Yeah, I wish more people would approach conversations with people with the hat of a coach, because being a coach is all about curiosity and asking questions and I think we would have a much better world if people were more curious about other people's stories instead of just going into a conversation Me, me, me, me, me, me, me, all about me. A coach is more about well, tell me about yourself and, yeah, it's such a, it's such a beautiful thing. So I did a coaching certification. My son just went through a coaching certification that I teach and it was hilarious because he was in the midst of it and his girlfriend came over and she had a hard day and I started asking questions and my son looks at me and she goes he's like I know what you're doing. I was using the stuff that he was learning and I was like I've been doing it to you for years, so it was kind of fun.

Speaker 4 8:35

My wife is wonderful, but she's not coachable, at least for me. She'll come into my office and she says she'll say I have a work problem, Can you help me with this? And I'll start off with a question and she'll look at me and say don't coach me, Just tell me what to do. I'm not going to tell you what to do, I'm not too smart, but I've learned to not do that. Don't do that.

Speaker 2 9:06

Well, we've had a past guest that actually approaches those conversations with a question too. It's do you want me to fix it or do you want me to just listen? Right, and so that usually helps save a lot of conversation and back and forth. Do you want me to fix it or would you like me to listen?

Speaker 3 9:23

Which I love that.

Speaker 4 9:24

And with that I'll probably get the turned up eyes and forget about it. I'll go do what I think I was going to do. I helped you resolve that.

Speaker 3 9:32

You're welcome. You're welcome. You're welcome. I love it. I love it.

Speaker 2 9:37

Kirk, you have also overcome a cardiac event that I am assuming was a pivotal part in your life and, I'm assuming, potentially shape where you are today. Talk to us a little bit about that, where you were and how you've navigated through that.

Speaker 4 10:51

Great question and it was pivotal in terms of if there was any hesitation about transitioning career at that point. That's kind of like move along, son. This is your signal to do that. So it was in October 2014. I was in HR at the time. I was in St Louis group exercise instructor. I'm working out at the gym of all places.

Speaker 4 11:16

I'm doing lateral pull downs on a Friday before I have to fly to Norman Oklahoma for a game the next day and all of a sudden the world went black and the next thing I knew I'm laying on the floor, I've got a mask on, what's your name, what's your date of birth? And my first thought after they put me on the stretcher was darn it, I'm going to miss my game tomorrow. So, always thinking about that, it was on a Friday. They wheeled me in, they hydrated me. I was dehydrated from the workout and, of course, it's a weekend.

Speaker 4 11:53

My wife at that time had already moved down here to Florida to prepare for when we made the eventual transition here. So I call her up. I said I'm in the hospital, don't worry about it. I think I just had heat exhaustion, but they're going to keep me here for observational purposes and, of course, with it being the weekend, you're going to have to wait until Monday so that we can take care of things. So Monday they shot the dye in my system, came back, said you've got 100% blockage in one artery, 95% in a third. We're going to need to fillet you.

Speaker 2 12:30

A little bit more than being dehydrated.

Speaker 4 12:32

Yes, a little bit more than dehydration.

Speaker 2 12:35

Wow.

Speaker 4 12:36

But it was really interesting because at that point in time it wasn't fear or the unknown that kicked in, it was more let's get this done, let's move on. At that point in time. So I talked to my wife and she said aren't you going to get a second opinion? I can't believe you're going to do this. I told you to do that and I said I feel comfortable with doing it and moving on. At this point I've got faith in what these guys are telling me. And so she said okay, so she gets there in the morning. The surgery's the next day.

Speaker 4 13:12

And I went through a pretty quick recuperation from that. I was discharged with some stitches in my chest and busted open after about five days and they said you need to start a walking regimen. And it was nurses who were not in the best physical condition themselves. So I was saying to myself these are the people that are advising me. So I'm walking like two miles a week after the surgery's taking place. And so they came in. They said are you doing exercise? Yeah, I walked a couple of miles. You're doing what. I said yeah, I want to get back into condition.

Speaker 4 13:53

And a few days after that, you know, kind of the depression started to kick in a little bit. Oh, this really pardon, my French sucks and I don't like being in this state that I'm in right now. And so at that point I resolved I'm going to get better than I was before, and so I was back to working out five weeks post-op. I was back at work part-time physically within two and a half weeks and I was teaching group exercise classes again after seven weeks. So that was my resolution. I'm going to beat this and, quite frankly, when it happened to me it was a wake-up call one, but it also pissed me off, but there wasn't a whole lot I could have done about it. Thank you, mom and dad, for the genes. But 10 years post-op, all is good, checked every year and blowing and going at 67 so far. Hopefully I've got some more real estate, so to speak, ahead of me.

Speaker 3 14:54

Yeah, yeah, you got a lot to do still. Yeah, I love that. Wow, that's a story that doesn't always end well. You know one of those ones working out and then you drop to the floor and then they're gone, especially with having two arteries 100% and 95% clogged.

Speaker 4 15:12

Yeah, yeah, something like that. I became a poster child for the American Art Association and also for CPR and utilization of that. I still don't know what was done to me If I was lost. I didn't want to know, but we're all CPR, aed certified as fitness instructors, and so there were two people there at that gym that were very instrumental, scott and Liz, and I owe my life to them.

Speaker 3 15:43

Yeah, yeah, it definitely could have been different, wow.

Speaker 2 15:46

Kirk, you mentioned during that time. That's when you started to teeter with depression a little bit and then making that declaration I'm getting back to that space that you know that you're comfortable in, where you have a purpose, where you can continue moving forward. But while you were teetering into that depressive state, did you know right away, instinctually, could you pick up on that? Did you feel yourself slipping into a different state of mind or even just presence as you knew it?

Speaker 4 16:14

Great question. Natalie, and I have a lot of empathy for people that have battled clinical depression, because I've waged that war for a long time. It was most pronounced when I was in my 30s and it was kind of related to some PTS. I was frustrated in my career at that point in time, income was tight. My career at that point in time, income was tight. We had a couple of young kids and that feeling of not having a lot of self-worth and playing that dangerous game of comparing myself to other people. So I describe it as a wilderness experience.

Speaker 4 16:53

I was in a men's group at that time and one of the members knew a person who was a counselor and I was seeing a counselor on my own, and so he said I'm going to pay for you to meet with this guy because I think he's going to say something to you that will resonate. He has a gift for doing that. Okay, if you're going to pay for it, I'll do it. I don't have any money, so I did. The guy's name was Gary for it. I'll do it. I don't have any money, so I did. The guy's name was Gary, and so I was describing my state of mind at that time, what I was feeling and I said I feel like I'm just in the wilderness, I'm lost and I am really reaching out to God a lot and I'm not getting any answers. But I am doing that as steadfastly as I've ever done in my life. And his response to me was if that's what you're doing, that's where you need to be Now.

Speaker 4 17:45

I'd like to say that immediately after he shared those words, life changed, but it has over 30 years, and words such as that encouragement, I would like to say it pulls you out of the funk. But I still revisit that time to time, but it's less, it's not as severe and it's for shorter periods of time. And as a coach now I have an ability to kind of coach myself out of that. There was a period last week where there were wild ups and downs but there were short intervals and then something happened. I just kind of got out of that funk. Kind of got out of that funk. But for me I've appreciated that as a gift because it gives me perspective when I meet with people that are at those tough intersections of life as well, to hear their story, to listen and to remember what was helpful to me, what was not so helpful.

Navigating Coaching vs. Counseling Boundaries

Speaker 3 18:45

Yeah, are there tools that you've used when you find yourself in those spaces Because you said you're able to get yourself out of it quicker. Now, are there tools that you found that you use?

Speaker 4 19:12

bike ride to process, to think things through, to sweat a lot and to almost leech it out of my system. So exercise is helpful. Engagement with other people, especially someone that maybe I haven't visited with for a while, and just to send them a text how you doing. I did that with a couple of folks today, one who has a story of his own and he really appreciated me reaching out to him and serendipitously we're both going to be in Morgantown, virginia, next Saturday. So you never connection.

Speaker 4 19:49

Writing helps me. I do blocks to promote in my coaching business, but there are almost things that are on my mind, things I picked up along the way in the realm of leadership, communication, sports and athletics obviously raising kids dealing with grandkids, athletics obviously raising kids dealing with grandkids, etc. But I had a person who I've got a weekly, a monthly column in our local paper on those topics. He said you really ought to write a book. Okay, so I'm doing that and it's about to be finalized. I've got two more tweaks to make on the back cover and then the next step is all right. What do I do now? So it's a great learning process. This is something I've never done and I hope it does well, but I'm taking pride in the fact that 81% of people want to write a book. Less than 1% do. I'm going to be a 1%-er.

Speaker 2 20:50

That's so awesome. Congratulations, I love that. Thank you, yeah, it's fun, exactly exactly. Yeah, well, kirk, you touched on something and I think it's important for our listeners to remember, and sometimes we know it and we forget about it.

Speaker 2 21:06

We're all going to experience the highs and the lows, right If it's mentally, emotionally, physically, financially. Within your career, you're going to have the peaks and the valleys, and what really is important is understanding how long we're allowing ourselves, or that we choose to be in those valleys and, if we find ourselves in those valleys, utilizing those tools that you mentioned, because it's counterintuitive to want to surround yourself with other people or be active and engaged when you're not feeling 100%. So that's where you have to make that decision. I need to either get out in nature, be with my tribe, start reaching out to people and connecting with people one-on-one, or just having that physical movement, going outside and going for a walk. It's not going to be a quick fix and sometimes you'll have that interaction that plants the seed, like you and your wilderness moment that many, many years later, it still motivates and inspires you to keep going forward.

Speaker 4 22:01

Yeah, yeah, that's huge Something to draw from Absolutely, and you talk about connection. Sometimes it's helpful to Absolutely and you talk about connection. Sometimes it's helpful to disconnect, and I mentioned the bike rides. I'm going to be out there for three or four hours on my own and clearing stuff out, and that's very helpful. Sometimes it's going to lunch with my two buddies that live here and we just talk about. It's another episode of Seinfeld, except we're in it. We're just talking about nothing.

Speaker 2 22:35

Yes, love it, love it, and it just recharges you.

Speaker 4 22:40

It does.

Speaker 2 22:41

Absolutely. I love that you say that your three-hour bike rides are where you can just expel it. I think about those and I think, oh, I'm going to spend three hours with myself. This should be interesting. I'm either going to come out of it like starting another business or questioning why I'm doing what I'm doing.

Speaker 3 22:57

It's probably going to be a new business. Knowing you, it'll be. Let me do this. It'll be the first. Yeah, because that's what happens when we do that. Exactly, exactly.

Speaker 4 23:10

Oh my, we do that, exactly, exactly. Oh my goodness.

Speaker 2 23:12

Here's the good news, Natalie. I'm still trying to figure out what I want to do when I grow up.

Speaker 3 23:15

Oh, we all are Same. We all are, we all are yeah, yeah, and I just yeah. And it's funny, we're asking kids to graduate from high school and know what they want to do. I've been graduated for a minute.

Speaker 2 23:30

I what I want to do. Well, and there's no example. No one's going to do exactly what the other person is going to do, right? So it's all going to look different. So we don't have a roadmap to that. So we're all figuring it out, we're on our journey.

Speaker 4 23:36

I got to control myself sometimes, because I'm like the kitten with a ball of yarn and there's another one. Oh, let me go play with this one for a while.

Speaker 2 23:49

We have those moments, we all have those moments.

Thriving Lifestyle Coaching With Kirk

Speaker 3 23:51

Yeah, we definitely do. We definitely do Tell us the difference. You talk about the difference between coaching and counseling. Can you talk a little bit about that? Because I think that's. I think people think sometimes that coaching is counseling and counseling is coaching and it's, and they're very different. Coaching is counseling and counseling is coaching, and they're very different, and so I'd love to hear your thoughts.

Speaker 4 24:12

Counselors are our good cousins, and I will have a client that I discern this is going a little bit deeper, into some roots that I'm not equipped or licensed to deal with, such as really deep relationship problems, addiction, abusive situations, things that will go back to maybe family of origin issues, and I've had a client or two that have gotten to a pretty rugged point where I've had to ask them are you fearful of harming yourself or someone else? And in those instances, that's getting people who can help and deal with that, that are trained in that area.

Speaker 2 24:55

We hope that you have enjoyed part one of our two-part interview with Kirk McCarley, the seed sower coach, an HR executive for over 37 years and an employee of ESPN for more than 30 years. Kirk has brought all of his knowledge and expertise together in the space of coaching to help other individuals create a thriving lifestyle, and Kirk has shared with us some of the modalities that he's used in his own personal life to navigate through stressful situations exercise, connection and writing. Make sure that you join us on part two, because we're going to dive into some additional tools that Kirk recommends to his clients that may be beneficial to you. We'll see you soon.

Speaker 1 25:42

Thank you for joining us today on the Reignite Resilience podcast. We hope you had some aha moments and learned a few new real life ideas. To fuel the flames of passion, please subscribe on your favorite streaming platform, like or download your favorite episodes and, of course, share with your friends and family. We look forward to seeing you again next time on Reignite Resilience.