Transforming Tragedy into Purpose + Resiliency with Aaron Ragon (part 2)

"The greatest gift you can give anyone is your full attention."

What happens when life's darkest moments become the catalyst for discovering your deepest purpose? In this profoundly moving conversation, a school counselor shares how a series of unexpected events—from being locked in a Japanese psychiatric facility with a friend in crisis to the devastating loss of his young son—shaped his professional journey and personal resilience.

Through tears and triumph, we explore how human connection can transcend even the most challenging circumstances. When traditional communication failed with his delirious friend in Japan, our guest discovered that reciting old-school rap lyrics created a breakthrough connection that lasted for days. This extraordinary experience revealed his life's calling: to help people navigate through confusion toward clarity.

Years later, after establishing his career and family in the United States, unimaginable tragedy struck when his eight-year-old son Noah died in a hiking accident. Rather than allowing grief to consume him, he channeled his pain into purpose, expanding his impact by leading a district-wide initiative that nearly doubled the number of school counselors and implemented innovative mental health programs reaching thousands of students.

Throughout these experiences, one powerful lesson emerges:  In our distracted world, this simple yet profound insight offers a pathway to meaningful connection that could potentially save lives.

About Aaron Ragon

Aaron Ragon is a keynote speaker, education leader and licensed therapist with 20 years of experience in mental health and student support. He serves as a Partner of Student Support in Cherry Creek School District and an Adjunct Professor at the University of Denver. Drawing from global experiences in Alaska, Antarctica, and Nepal, he brings a unique perspective filled with warmth, humor and candor to all of his endeavors 

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Chapters

• 0:00 Discovering Purpose in Japan
• 5:20 Tragedy, Healing, and Professional Growth
• 9:50 Building a Counseling Legacy
• 17:34 Miracle Pregnancy and Career Change
• 22:21 Advice and Final Thoughts

Transcript

Speaker 1: 0:06

All of us reach a point in time where we are depleted and need to somehow find a way to reignite the fire within. But how do we spark that flame? Welcome to Reignite Resilience, where we will venture into the heart of the human spirit. Resilience where we will venture into the heart of the human spirit. We'll discuss the art of reigniting our passion and strategies to stoke our enthusiasm. And now here are your hosts, natalie.

Speaker 2: 0:39

Davis and Pamela Cass. We were on our way to Ghana, at the headwaters of the Amazon. That's where we were going to be placed at the Peace Corps. And then we found out we were medically disqualified because Lisa is allergic to peanuts. Peanuts are a big part of the local diet.

Speaker 3: 0:57

Okay.

Speaker 2: 0:58

Our backup was Japan. In retrospect, that was big time serendipity. So this program places you in a Japanese public school and you assist a Japanese English teacher with teaching English and you're an ambassador for the United States. It was this really rich experience, great program. And can I tell another story Please? Yes, this is the origin story.

Speaker 2: 1:28

About a year in I got a call that my friend Alex was found stumbling and muttering outside of his apartment in a stairwell incoherently and that he had been moved to kind of this hospital. And so I ended up going to the hospital. The Japanese doctors removed his appendix because at one point in his incoherence he had complained of lower abdominal pain. Well, he did not have an appendicitis, there was not an issue there. By the time that I got to the hospital he was coming out from being under anesthesia, recognizing that a part of his body had been taken from him, and at that time he was in like a full psychotic episode, really paranoid, really concerned, incredible distress.

Speaker 2: 2:13

The JET program they recruit from English speaking countries, so you have people from England, australia, new Zealand and we were standing vigil because Alex didn't speak much Japanese and he just needed somebody there. Well, there was a decision made to move him to the nearest mental facility kind of a psychiatric facility which happened to be in the town where I lived. We knew that Alex could not go into that facility alone and so I volunteered to go with him. Calling it a psychiatric facility is putting it really nicely. It was really actually like an insane asylum from the 1920s in America. Okay, so they were doing electroconvulsive shock therapy, so there were a bunch of guys that had the sides of their head shaved or handing out halidol like it was candy, which is like this old school tranquilizer that makes you drool. When I look back on this, I'm amazed that they let me go in, but I also don't think that the Japanese folks wanted him without someone to calm him down.

Speaker 2: 3:14

So Alex and I get put in this room, they lock us in this room and he was just hallucinating and he would be spitting out word salad, and so it would. It looked a little like this BVD air gauge descending bubbles, fish shark, danger shark, and so he would be hallucinating that he's like experiencing this attack, and so I did everything that I could to get through to him, but he could not really respond to me when I talked to him and when I touched him and upset him. And then I remembered, three, four hours into being locked in this room, that Alex and I have this really dorky thing in common we both love old school rap. So I looked at him and I said basketball is my favorite sport. And he looked back at me and he said I like the way they dribble up and down the court. And I said, just like I'm the king on the microphone. And then he says so is Dr J and Moses Malone. And so we go back and forth with first blows basketball.

Speaker 2: 4:18

It was miraculous because he was cogent and he could talk to me. We were able to have a conversation and then, I don't know, 10, 15 minutes later, he starts drifting away into delusion land. And so then I open up the Run DMC cannon and we busted through Run DMC. And so, you guys, we wrapped and we talked for three straight days, and so his parents showed up and I knew they were coming, but I didn't have a cell phone, I had no way of knowing when, and it turned out that his dad was one of the foremost psychiatrists in Canada and he had like a form of meningitis that had caused this, and so his dad got him treatment right away.

Speaker 2: 5:00

He returned to Canada. But I left that experience realizing that this is what I want to do with my life is that I want to have conversations with people that are in dark, confused places and help them see through the fog and the smoke and find their way to clarity. And I knew that I wanted to work in a school. I knew that schedule would be good for a family, which is something I wanted in the future, and so it was through that process of elimination and that really kind of less than great circumstance that I realized what I wanted to do with my life.

Speaker 4: 5:32

Incredible.

Speaker 3: 5:33

Absolutely, and that experience for him could have looked so different. Right, the reality is meningitis. He left without his appendix and almost admitted to an insane asylum, and the solution was actually over here, and they were treating him for everything else except what the actual problem was.

Speaker 2: 5:51

Yeah, and the story ends well for Alex. He returned to Canada, went to teacher's college, he married this amazing woman. He's lived a very fulfilling life.

Speaker 4: 6:01

Could have been very different.

Speaker 2: 6:02

He attended my wedding the following year.

Speaker 3: 6:05

Thank you for sharing kind of that starting point for recognizing and realizing your purpose, because the amount of courage right. You're in a different country. Not only are you dealing with the language barrier between patient and the care providers, being the interpreter, but also stepping into a space that you were not familiar with. You just knew that there was something that would connect the two of you, tap into that and stay there, and that's it.

Speaker 2: 6:30

Well, and it's also like necessity or desperation is the mother of invention. I didn't know it would work and to this day I still don't know why. I don't know why old school rhymes I was able to get through to Alex that way. But I think so many times in life it is exactly moments of desperation that represent the greatest opportunity for realization, which is why I love your podcast so much. There's this really profound truth in that, I think.

Speaker 4: 6:59

Yes, absolutely.

Speaker 3: 7:01

Thank you for that and I have to agree, the stories along the way are one part of it, but the triumph and the victory and the lessons learned on the other side are the pieces that always keep me in awe, because we get to hear the stories on the other side. With that 2020 hindsight.

Speaker 4: 7:18

Yeah, how long did you stay in Japan? Did you get married in Japan? Because you got married the year later.

Speaker 2: 7:24

We got married back in the? U. We were in Japan from 2000 to 2002, returned to Colorado, got married and then enrolled in grad school, and so I started my career 2006, 2007. And then we returned to Japan with a five-month-old and a three-year-old. We worked at international schools there.

Speaker 4: 7:47

Okay, counseling, or kind of the same thing that you were doing when you were there before.

Speaker 2: 7:51

I was a college counselor and then my wife is also a high school counselor, and so I worked at an all-boys school. She worked at an all-girls school. We lived in central Tokyo and it was like a great adventure.

Speaker 4: 8:04

You have had a lot of great adventures.

Speaker 2: 8:07

Well, I appreciate that, pamela. Right now I feel like sometimes just getting out of Costco is an adventure.

Speaker 3: 8:15

That just stands in a whole category by itself.

Speaker 2: 8:18

You can't compare anything else to that you find yourself at Costco on a Sunday and it's like this is nuts.

Speaker 4: 8:23

Exactly, I made a Costco run last Sunday because my workout got canceled because the instructor was sick. So I'm like, well, I might as well go to Costco, it'll be a workout, and it was. It was terrifying, it's terrifying.

Speaker 3: 8:35

The last time I found myself in that space on a Sunday, I remember stopping in the store, middle of the store stop the basket and I'm by myself and I said why would I have done this to myself?

Speaker 4: 8:46

Why would you do this? I said every time I get there and I'm parking in the next county. I'm like why would I do this? They need shuttles.

Speaker 2: 8:53

It's like childbirth. You forget how terrible it is. You do and you do it again.

Speaker 4: 8:57

And I've tried every rhythm like go earlier, go middle of the day, doesn't matter. Go against traffic, doesn't matter, doesn't matter. Okay, so you're both grad school. You go to Japan again with two littles, come back to the States yes, kind of fast forward. So what is your journey now? Because now you're speaking, you're sharing stories, so I'd love to hear a little bit about that.

Speaker 2: 9:20

We returned to the States and returned to working in comprehensive high schools. At that time Ben was two, noah was five and so returned to working in schools. I love being a school counselor. A few years later, we are up in Hanging Lake, outside of Glenwood Springs. We go on a family hike. It's a place we've been many times before. It's a place I grew up hiking to with my family, and my son, noah, who was eight at the time, ran ahead on the trail and a rock dislodged from a rock face hit him on the head and killed him instantly like a profound tragedy for us. But the thing about that is that it caused us to really reassess everything in our lives. When you're living in a space that is kind of so precarious and I mean this kind of emotionally, psychologically you're really careful about everything that you do, and there were certain TV shows I couldn't watch. We had to be really careful. The statistics for couples who lose a child staying married are not good, but my wife is a school counselor and a licensed therapist, and so am I, and so we went and we got help, and we got a lot of help, and it was this healing journey that was really intensive and intentional, and what came out of that for me personally was a recognition that I needed to not sweat the small stuff. And so, from a personal lens, one of the really interesting things that happened and I don't think most people would expect this, or maybe even experience it is that I had literally almost no anxiety for about the first year after Noah died, because I believed that the worst thing that could happen. It happened, yeah, and I thought the chances of that repeating were not likely.

Speaker 2: 11:17

Professionally, I decided that I wanted to have a bigger systemic impact in the work that I did, so serendipitously, this job opened up leading the school counselors in Douglas County. I got that job. It was really my first go at leadership. About a month in, they told me that we're going to have a mill levy override. This is like where you go to the voters and the schools basically say, hey, if you give us this money, this is what we're going to do with it. And what they decided they were going to do with it was hire 85 new counselors, almost double the size of the counseling core in Douglas County, put elementary counselors in all the buildings and then lower or increase the number of counselors in the middle and the high schools. And so they basically said to me look, you will be solely responsible for recruiting, screening and creating processes so we can hire in mass all these people.

Speaker 2: 12:13

You know, I have no HR background and I haven't done any stuff before, but I felt like one of the decisions that I'd made was to devote my work to Noah's memory, and so I felt incredibly motivated and inspired and I felt like Noah was with me on this journey, and so one of the things I did is I went to our communications department there's like a really skilled videographer. I put together a recruitment video. That recruitment video went viral. There were not enough people graduating that year from grad school to staff all those positions, and I was told there's no way that you're going to be able to do this. But not only did we do it, we got some incredible people and then I got the opportunity to train them and I got the opportunity to get to know them and orient them, and it resulted in a really great four-year run in that position where we implemented anxiety work that doesn't exist anywhere else in the country, created some programs for counseling, professional development.

Speaker 2: 13:12

That was really amazing. It really felt amazing. Du approached me and they're like hey, we've heard of you, will you teach for us? It's a strange thing to have people come to you and say we want you to do this thing for us. So it was kind of this illuminating experience and I think when you go through a tragedy like that, you have to make really, really clear decisions about who you're going to be. And I think, when I look back on it, I think my son Ben saved my life because I knew that I had to be whole for him, that I owed him a childhood, that I owed him opportunities, and so that's a little bit about that experience when we got back from Japan. That was quite an experience, yeah.

Speaker 3: 13:59

Well and, aaron, I'm not surprised that people reach out to you or recognize the work that you're doing, because you've done a couple of things, like you realized, unfortunately, out of tragedy, what your why and your true north was going to be moving forward, and you were doing work that was really in alignment with your purpose and what you truly wanted to do. Yes, you could have worked with the children one-on-one, but then you had the ability to work with a hundred plus counselors and having this expansive reach across the entire school district and creating innovative tools and modalities for all of those counselors to utilize with kids, which is huge.

Speaker 2: 15:31

Yeah, it really felt. You know, sometimes in life it's better to be lucky than smart.

Speaker 3: 15:36

Yes.

Speaker 2: 15:38

I feel like I found myself at this intersection of opportunity and passion, and so that was a really notable four years. I will say this, though I bit off a lot, I ran hard and it was just a lot of time. The other thing that happened in the aftermath of Noah's death was my wife and I had a conversation about having another child and we wanted Ben to have a brother because he loved being a brother and we just didn't feel like our family was complete, and we had a lot of conversations about it. And then we entered into this long IVF journey and we were really ready to give up because there were so many false starts. And then COVID hit and then there were delays. We hit this point where my wife Lisa says like, look, I'm happy to give up, I'm ready to give up the ghost. And when we started this journey I was kind of the reluctant one, but at this point I was really clear that by God, we're not going to just give up. We've invested lots in this and I'm not just talking money. Let's give it a go.

Speaker 2: 16:41

So Lisa got pregnant and the pregnancy went beautifully and then at 20 weeks they bring you in to do an ultrasound and when you're what they call geriatric, like we are, they hook you up to an ultrasound machine on steroids and the doctor does his thing. And then he says to us there's a problem. There's like a two centimeter break in the uterus. But he basically said, like look, there's nothing that we can do about it. It could result in an uterus. But he basically said, like look, there's nothing that we can do about it. It could result in an early delivery. Everything might be fine, but probably not. Or it could be fatal. Basically, like there's nothing we can do about it.

Speaker 2: 17:19

So, don't worry about it, he said basically. And so we left this experience and this appointment and I felt like my world had been flipped upside down and I knew this was high risk and I had told myself that I was going to practice radical acceptance. But in practice that's really hard to do. Yes, it's really hard to do. And in the backdrop, professionally, this thing had happened where there had been a new school board elected.

Speaker 2: 17:47

They fired the superintendent and I thought I was low enough on the food chain that it wasn't going to affect me, but then it became very clear to me that I would no longer be able to serve Noah's memory with fidelity if I stayed. So I have this thing going on with this baby. Things are falling apart in my career and I knew that I might need to make a change anyway, because it's not really viable to work 60 hours a week when you have a newborn. I apply for this job that I heard about in a neighboring school district and they call me for an interview, but the interview happens to be at the exact same moment as our follow-up appointment with the OB.

Speaker 3: 18:26

Of course.

Speaker 2: 18:27

Right. So Lisa and I, we do the pragmatic thing and I go to the interview and we agree that I will call her the second it's over. So I go to this interview, call her. When I get out I say you know well what happened. And she says well, it was weird.

Speaker 2: 18:42

The ultrasound tech came in, took a bunch of pictures. She said I believe the doctor was watching remotely. He rushed in after the ultrasound tech, grabbed the wand, put the goo on my belly and he starts like looking around and he seems dysregulated, he seems off, he hasn't acknowledged me, he is simply doing with the wand. And this continues for a couple of minutes and Lisa's like what the hell? And she says, excuse me, doctor, is everything okay? And he kind of comes out of a stupor and he looks at her and he says do you remember that problem from a month ago? And Lisa's like yeah, I'll never forget it. And he says well, it's gone, it has healed itself, the tissue has regenerated, there is no longer a break. And he said there is nothing in the medical literature to indicate that this is possible. I've never even heard of this happening. But he said this is the best possible thing that could happen If it weren't for your age, I would consider you not even at risk.

Speaker 2: 19:42

And so our son, liam, was born about two and a half years ago. Beautiful baby boy Ben's, this incredible big brother. He is so good with him and I got that job the job that I have now and it allowed me to work directly with kids again. There was a significant raise. I get to work with vulnerable populations, which is my passion. It was kind of like all our problems were solved at 10 am on a Wednesday.

Speaker 3: 20:11

Love that. Oh my gosh, that's quite the journey. Yeah, and so much more. This is not the end. Now it's what else is on the horizon. You're just getting started.

Speaker 2: 20:22

Not by a long shot?

Speaker 3: 20:24

Not at all. Yes, exactly. Well, erin, you have an opportunity to work with young people and, just from what I've witnessed and experienced, young people go through challenges and adversities parallel with adults and mature adults. For our listeners, if they're finding themselves in a place where they're overcoming an obstacle or a hurdle or a challenge in life, what advice or tips would you give our listeners just to help them at least start to navigate through or process what they're going through?

Speaker 2: 20:54

I think for anybody that has a relationship with a young person, the first piece of advice I would have would be to turn off all the electronics and all the screens and put them away and take a moment, even five moments, and just really listen to them and be fully present for them, because my experience has been that, in this time of constant partial attention, the greatest gift you can give anyone is full attention. The greatest gift you can give anyone is your full attention. I know that sounds really basic, but it models something for young people that they desperately need and it provides something that will nourish their soul, and so I think that advice would hold true, regardless of if we're talking about a difficulty or not. If nothing else, it will build the foundation for future conversation that could potentially save their life.

Speaker 3: 21:46

I love that. It just creates that space for connection, true connection.

Speaker 2: 21:51

Yes, and again. I know that's so basic.

Speaker 4: 21:54

But I think it's something that would benefit everybody at any age. With any other human.

Speaker 3: 21:59

Yes, I love that. That's fabulous. Anything else that you'd like to share with our listeners that we didn't get a chance to talk about today? Aaron?

Speaker 2: 22:07

I can't believe how much we talked about.

Speaker 3: 22:09

I know I think we unpacked so much and I'm so grateful.

Speaker 4: 22:13

Multiple countries, multiple continents.

Speaker 2: 22:18

I just so appreciate being invited here. It's a real honor and I just want to say thank you and to your listeners out there. Hang in there. We are living in a very uncertain time, but hang in there because it's going to be okay. One way or another, the system wants to return to equilibrium. That is a fundamental tenet of family counseling theory. I believe it's true and I think that we're going to get back to equilibrium.

Speaker 3: 22:47

And that's the system collectively and all of the components of the system.

Speaker 2: 22:51

The system does not like to be out of balance.

Speaker 3: 22:56

Yeah, love that. It has been an absolute pleasure to have you on the show, erin.

Speaker 4: 23:02

So grateful. The best way to end a week. That's exactly right.

Speaker 2: 23:06

Yes, Thank you, it's been a lot of fun. Natalie, I hope we get to meet some time in person, and Pamela, I look forward to seeing you in like a week or two, whenever that is.

Speaker 3: 23:15

I would love that. Well, we at least have a running start. We're all in the same state now no-transcript to share your message with a different vehicle. And thank you for the work that you're doing with young people. And to Lisa, ben and Liam. I'm grateful for them as well, because, oh my gosh, again, it's just the dynamic that, I think, brings forth just all of the value that you have provided with us today. So thank you, thank you, thank you, thank you For our listeners. If you all are interested in knowing what's going on in the world of reignite resilience, head on over to reigniteresiliencecom, where you can check us out, or on Facebook and Instagram. And if you have not already done so I know I'm a broken record in saying it Make sure you subscribe to our weekly think letter. It is released every Saturday, where you can hear more about our episodes, our guests and our thoughts about our episodes, as we have our guests on. So until next time, we'll see you all soon. Have a good one. Bye, everyone.

Speaker 1: 24:36

Thank you for joining us today on the Reignite Resilience podcast. We hope you had some aha moments and learned a few new real life ideas. To fuel the flames of passion, please subscribe on your favorite streaming platform, like or download your favorite episodes and, of course, share with your friends and family. We look forward to seeing you again next time on Reignite Resilience.