Finding Light in Life's Darkest Moments with Marilyn Dogan (part 2)

Resilience isn't just about surviving adversity—it's about discovering purpose and authenticity through life's most challenging moments. Marilyn's remarkable journey exemplifies this transformation as she shares how becoming a mother at sixteen became not a setback but part of her divine purpose.

The conversation takes an extraordinary turn when Marilyn recounts what she describes as the greatest miracle of her life: strangers mysteriously appearing at her mother's home with information that would reunite her with her long-lost son. This divine intervention came after she had made peace with never having a relationship with him, showing how surrender sometimes precedes unexpected blessings.

Her professional path reveals equal measures of determination and integrity. As one of few women in carpenter school, Marilyn persevered despite her husband's initial opposition and abuse. When faced with sexual harassment from a supervisor who offered promotion in exchange for inappropriate behavior, she stood firm in her boundaries—choosing dignity over advancement. These experiences shaped her understanding that resilience sometimes means refusing to compromise your values, even at personal cost.

Through personal development work, Marilyn learned to examine her patterns and cultivate authentic self-awareness. "You gotta like you," she emphasizes, identifying self-acceptance as foundational to resilience. Now retired and building a life coaching practice, she helps individuals and organizations clear away obstacles to effectiveness by focusing on authentic purpose and commitment.

What makes Marilyn's perspective so powerful is her ability to reframe challenges: "Most things that start off negative in my life, if you look close enough, there's a rainbow." This wisdom invites us all to look beyond immediate difficulties toward the hidden opportunities they contain.

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Transcript

Speaker 1 0:06

All of us reach a point in time where we are depleted and need to somehow find a way to reignite the fire within. But how do we spark that flame? Welcome to Reignite Resilience, where we will venture into the heart of the human spirit. Resilience where we will venture into the heart of the human spirit. We'll discuss the art of reigniting our passion and strategies to stoke our enthusiasm. And now here are your hosts, natalie Davis and Pamela Cass.

Speaker 2 0:42

I was working for Neighborhood Housing Services. They help people to fix up their houses and stuff. So I was doing that at the time and I had a board of directors that was really influential and when we had board meetings we'd go out and I had started preaching. And this one night I had my mom babysitting. I went over to her house. I was so drunk, threw up on her bathroom floor, slept in it and when I woke up the next morning and my face had, I was like who have I become? I was like no more drinking for me. I was like if God is saying no, I can't have a relationship with my son, so be it. I'll just have to press on and do my best with the three that I didn't have.

Speaker 2 1:23

So fast forward, maybe four months later, I'm at my mom's helping her clean up. The phone rings and my mother has remarried a very nice man. He's a hairdresser, he combs her hair every day and they have a beautiful relationship anchored in workability. I think it's just really fantastic. But he's also on dialysis. So the phone rings and I answer. It's like hello. He's like listen, I am CW's cousin from California and we just finished a training in New Orleans for teachers.

Speaker 2 2:00

I was like, wow, I wonder if they know. I was like, oh, you know what, that's my problem. I always think that, oh, yeah, this computer, but I'm not even going, I'm not gonna ask those people nothing about this. They said we want to stop by and talk to cw because we've never met this side of our family. So I was like, well, he was on dialysis, let me see if he wants to entertain guests. And she was like, yeah, tell them, come on to come. I was like, yeah, come on over, you know we'll be waiting for you guys.

Speaker 2 2:27

So we started like fixing cookies on a tray and sodas and stuff, and so they come over, we serve them and I'm in the room cleaning up and they say, yeah, our trip to the waters was great, but when we leave here, we're going to go and visit our friends the Aarons. And, excuse me, I drop a tear, like for me this was the greatest example of God showing up in my life. And I said, wait a minute. Did y'all say y'all going and visit the Aarons? They said, yeah, hannah, aaron is our best friend. We've been knowing her and Leroy. They live in Opelousas and we're on our way there now, after we leave here and I was like, well, how are they doing? I know they had that older daughter and then they adopted those two young kids. They said, oh, that little boy is something else. They say he is hilarious, that little Roger is something else.

Speaker 2 3:23

I was like, oh my else. I was like, oh my goodness. I was like I'll have to get by and see them. Do they still live in the same place? They's like, yeah, on Abe Lincoln I was like, oh my goodness, that's great. So glad you know to meet you guys. When I tell you, my stepdad never knew them, didn't know anything about them. They never came back. They never called again. Knew them, didn't know anything about them. They never came back, they never called again. The only thing they did was stop by and the information that they provided helped me to find my son, wow.

Speaker 2 3:53

So anyways, I'm sorry for crying, but every time I think about that it's just horrible.

Speaker 4 4:00

Thank, you for sharing that. That's huge. Those are the miracles that happen in life, right? Because what are the odds? And, like you said, they've never connected since that encounter.

Speaker 2 4:10

Never again. That has been like one of the biggest miracles in my life. I had some of those, but that one was pretty large because number one, I had to volunteer to go help my mom on a Saturday. I didn't really want to do that, you know, I had other plans but I kept it. And then for me to answer their phone that's not something that I normally do. And then, what hurt my interest, when they said they drove all the way from California because we had came back from California with my dad and so you know. And then when they said New Orleans and said the lady didn't even live in New Orleans, I went to the other way of mother's home in Apollosus and my son was still in Apollosus, but that's where he likes to be, but thank goodness she said New Orleans, because I would not have been in tune to the whole conversation.

Divine Intervention Reunites Mother and Son

Speaker 2 4:57

So, anyways, it's a tapestry of life events and you string them all up of life events. And you string them all up and if you have the ability to tape whatever negative happened to you and don't look at it as negative, because what I learned in landmark form, like sometimes we label things right, you say, oh, that was so negative, was it? What was negative? Like I had a kid when I was 16. See, right now I'm 67. I had my grandchildren are grown and now I get to see the next generation. I have the cutest grandchildren, and see, I'm young enough to still enjoy that too.

Speaker 2 5:35

So you know, yeah, it wasn't time, it wasn't planned. But was it a mistake? No, it wasn't a mistake. It was God's purpose for my life. So I could tell somebody else who might be pregnant at 16, hey, there's still a life after this. You don't have to give up, you know, but you do need to know what you want in life, and that was, I guess, for me.

Speaker 2 5:54

The one thing that kept me going is that I kept saying well, what is it that I really wanted to do at this point in my life? I wanted to be a carpenter because I wanted to be like Jesus. Growing up I was like I'm going to be a carpenter, like Jesus. So when I signed up to go to carpenter school, there were no other women. But I didn't look at it like that because I always tried to stay in touch with my inner self what is it that you really want to do?

Speaker 2 6:20

And when I went to the carpenter school failed the math portion, came back and told my ex-husband I was like Daryl, I took the test at the carpenter school. It's only three blocks from here. I was like, but I get to go back to take tests. He beat me because he did not want his wife going to school with a lot of men and he thought that maybe somebody would like me or maybe I might become too independent. Took my book that I was supposed to be studying and said you're not going back to take the test. Well, I found where he hid the book. It was at the top of the closet. He would go to work at two About after I got dinner ready, and he was gone. I'd go and take that book gingerly.

Speaker 2 7:01

I studied for six weeks, went back, passed the test. Then I came back and I was like Daryl, I went back, I took the test, I passed. I have a job. I go next week from 7 to 3.30. Your schedule now is from 6 pm to 2. You're going to keep the kids during the day. I'm going to go to work and I make $6.87 an hour. He was like you make more money than me. I was like, exactly. He said, well, that's cool then. But then he started calling all of his friends man, my wife got shot, my wife going to school to be a carpet, so I'm like shut up.

Speaker 2 7:43

But then I gave no more money to drink with this alcohol. That's it, that's it, that's it. But that still is not without any adversity, because even after I started working like, one guy was the superintendent. He was like you're doing a great job, I'm going to bump you up from a first period apprentice to a fourth period apprentice. I was like this is so much money. He said and Saturday I want you to come and meet me so we could get the tool shipped. I was like, sir, I'll be here. He was like and you know that's overtime. I was like, wow, I'm going to have so much money. So I get to the tool. I was like how do you want to do this? You want all of the songs over here. And he said no, I want you to come over here and give me a kiss. I said dude, what he said. I want you to come over here.

Speaker 2 8:28

He said why do you think I bumped you up from a first period to a fourth period Apprentice? I said, well, you said because I was doing a good job. He said listen, I think you're pretty, I think you have a bright future with me. But, like I said, come over here and give me a kiss. I said I'm sorry, you thought I was single, I'm married, I'm married and I got three kids. I was like I would not be coming over to give you no kisses. Sorry about that. He said. I'm going to say it one more time. He said come over here and give me a kiss. So I was like, ah, but do you think I could tell my husband? I bet you, I didn't say a word. I was like Daryl, they laid me off. I wasn't doing that good, but Tracy is doing well, but I started this. But so you know, I couldn't tell him.

Speaker 4 9:22

All right, marilyn, so I have a couple of questions for you. You've referenced the training that you went through. What was the name of the training again I? What's the name of the training again?

Speaker 2 9:31

I went through a course called Landmark Education, the forum. I went. It's a curriculum for living. I don't know if they're still doing it and different people have gone and had, you know, different results. But there are lots of this type of training out there, things that, like I believe when we first started, pam is doing some meditation.

Standing Strong Against Workplace Challenges

Speaker 2 9:51

I would say that type of genre provides opportunity for accelerated growth, giving yourself the ability to be authentic with yourself, like tear everything away and say what is really here and then to meditate on that. You know what? I made this decision? Out of this fear. I made this decision out of wanting this result, so for you to really get in contact with what is it about yourself? What are you doing at the end of the day? That's repetitive, that doesn't work. But you continue to do it. You think harder, because then maybe, if I do it harder, I will get better results, where meditation strips all that away and it makes you really get in contact with who you are. I think that's very, very, very important. You know you gotta like you. You know you like you. A whole bunch of other stuff work out and then to be authentic, like people lie to themselves, like where is the value to enter death's door, cause we gotta enter that door right To say I have been inauthentic my whole life, like whoever you are, whatever you've done, own it.

Speaker 2 10:58

You know, I'm in the car with my kids and they ask me questions and they'll say stuff like well, you probably never got expelled from school. I was like I did. I was like my best friend beat the shit out of me because I stole her tween key. I was like again, I got in trouble for that. Because my biggest problem is I don't hear no when people tell me no, I'm oh, they meant maybe. And this girl, hey, clearly told me Marilyn, I didn't bring you the Twinkie. And I was like girl, you bring me the Twinkie every day. She said I'm telling you not today. And when they cut the lights off for the movie, I crawled over by her seat, opened up her bag, took out her Twinkie and ate it. And that girl be.

Speaker 4 11:46

Oh, no, okay, we might be Hold on. I feel like that's a big piece. It's like she creeps over, grabs it and then and he could not read, or write, oh my gosh.

Speaker 2 11:56

And so, like 20 years after, I'm at home and there's a series on 2020 about the teacher who could not read or write and he was from Oceanside, california I was like yo, look, that might be one of my teachers it was Mr Cochran and he said, look, I can get away with it until there was a fight. I said, well, he probably won't never forget because he couldn't write reports. He had the students, but it was the best class I ever had in my life. Even though he couldn't read or write, that man figured out how to teach. Anyways, but just a little side note oh, my gosh. I love that, I love it.

Speaker 2 12:33

Yeah, and when people say no to you, for real, don't accept the no. I mean every once in a while I got a butt kick for not accepting that. No, but no people. That is normally their first response. Yes, it's easy.

Speaker 2 12:46

You know. You ask them something. No, you know. But people internalize their own baggage on a no, they be like see there, I knew nobody loved me, I knew it would never work out. I knew, see, all the stuff that they say they know, they don't know, like, what you should know is what you're committed to. That's what you should know. What you should know is how, what God put you here for, and seek that with all diligence so that at the end there will be a time where we won't be as mobile as we are today. There'll be a time where we won't be able to think as sharp as we do today. When those things happen, have the receipts to say a life well lived right. Isn't that our goal? Absolutely.

Speaker 4 13:28

A life well lived, I think, is huge. That's huge. Well, Marilyn, you've shared with us your background story. Pam and I were visiting that. We feel like this might become like a three-part series in terms of hearing your story, because we really want to hear what you're working on now. You just mentioned that you recently retired not necessarily what was on your radar or your plan, but you're also working within the space of life coaching as well and coaching individuals. Kind of tell us about the work that you're doing right now.

Speaker 2 13:59

Yeah, so right now I've started the process of developing a life coaching business. I've done seminars and workshops for groups like groups that are connected, like boards, or maybe folks that are touching an area of our community that requires assistance, and so I bring those groups together for them to have a more cohesive experience with one another. You know, sometimes you get on a committee and the group doesn't function well and when you meet it's just another opportunity to gripe and complain. You might get a little something, something done, but nothing to the level if everyone has been cleared. So I help the groups clear and then it's not about them, it's about the mission. So I help them to focus on what their mission is and then for them to see where are the players, because sometimes we put people in roles that they are not successful in and because I've been here for 25 years, that is my role, well, you ain't doing it so good. And who tells them? Nobody, because people are just so grateful that I'm a part of the elite group, you know. But I want know people to be able to come together. But then be great, be better than good, you know, at what they want to accomplish, and to get them in touch with. What is your goals, what are you committed to achieving and what is it?

Speaker 2 15:24

By me working with, you would say, oh, this was a very successful session if I accomplished A, b, c. So that's what I do for groups and for individuals, and generally I have experienced remarkable results. And it's like I was like, wow, you know, one of my clients called me a couple of weeks ago. He said do you know? I made more money last year than I have in my entire life. He was like that's not even what I wanted you to coach me on. But you see, when you clear away the nonsense, other things have a way of being able to enter. So but that's what I'm up to. So I got my 1-800 number. Now I'm coming up with my marketing, I got to develop a website and that kind of thing, because everything I've done up until this point it was under the umbrella of me working full time, right.

Transformative Personal Growth

Speaker 2 16:14

But, now that I'm not working anymore, I want to devote my whole self to this. And then workshops for teens, because I'm finding that teens today are really struggling and I want to give them an environment where they could unpack some of these things. Wow. Incredible it is.

Speaker 4 16:31

I think that there's definitely a need for this type of work. It's hard to what do they say? The saying, it's hard to see the forest the trees for the forest.

Speaker 4 16:39

Yeah, yes, exactly Because you're so focused on the tree that's in front of you, thinking that that's the ultimate, that's the only option that you have, not knowing that there is an entire world of opportunity that expands. And as soon as you get into alignment with what's important to you, what are your priorities? Who's the person that you want to be? When it's all said and done, right, like a life well lived, what was that? What does that look like? And then just striving for that and you said something earlier, too, when you were talking about Pam and her retreat that I think is really powerful it's being able to like yourself. Like when you have that great relationship with yourself, it's amazing how differently you look at things, and that's a space that not many people sit in right now is liking themselves.

Speaker 2 17:21

And some people really get off on making you feel bad about yourself.

Speaker 1 17:26

I don't know what that's about, right? Some people really get off on it.

Speaker 2 17:29

Like they verbally vomit all over you and then they're like great, you know but you don't have to accept it.

Speaker 4 17:37

I always say that's not my stuff, that's your stuff. You go figure that out, yeah.

Speaker 3 17:42

What is my? My niece says that sounds like a you problem.

Speaker 4 17:45

It's a you problem, that's exactly right, yeah.

Speaker 2 17:48

Like I like that. Sometimes people feel that their family of origin, that they're tied to them for life. You don't have to be that eager. You know, sometimes you have that toxic stuff within your family and it's okay to separate yourself. You say Nez Perci in your life you know, yeah, I love that.

Speaker 4 19:04

And this journey that you've come to in terms of the coaching and working with individuals and organizations is coming on the heels of, if I say, forced early retirement. Is that accurate description of kind of where you were in ending your career? Well, you know, I don't want to say forced Okay For me.

Life Coaching and Making an Impact

Speaker 2 19:23

I never want to feel I don't have a say Okay, okay, mistake, okay, okay. And so I was in the era of Trump and Doge and they presented something to say if you would like to leave now, this is what we'll offer you Now. I could have said no. I could have said no, I want to stay around for the nonsense every day. I could have said every Monday, I want to say what I did the week before. I'm a leader in my group. I could have stayed on board for all of that and listening to all of my coworkers and their moments of fear and trepidation what's going to happen next week, and all of that. But I decided you know, I told my boss, I was like you know what? I want to leave on my own terms. I don't want our agents to be where there's this many people and I'm a part of the group over here that they say has to go.

Speaker 2 20:15

I said I would prefer to create something else for my life, because the guy that I serve, he's a big guy and, just like I was able to come here, he'll provide all the resources necessary for my life. That is what I believe, that's what my faith dictates, and this is a great opportunity for me to exercise my faith and walk into the next chapter of my life. I never wanted me working for the government, or at least working for SBA, to be my last work experience. So you know all the time, and it's a little early, but this is what is happening now, so I'm going to walk into that and so, anyways, it's just a bit so. Some people that level I was forced, I see, but then you put negative on your life. You know like no, I was, like I had the power not to leave. You know lots of other things you could have done not to have left, but I didn't feel like that was advantageous for me, yeah, and this just gives you more time to impact more people, exactly More teenagers.

Speaker 2 21:21

And so I think it's an amazing thing, because I think there's a lot of people that need your story and need your help, and I'm going to send you guys a little clip of my retirement party, because it's when they surprised me. So, my grandkids, we always do the 4th of July at my house. You know, when I got this house, my sister had passed away and she left two kids behind, and so I had gotten my nephew to come and live with me in the Arlington Dallas area, but we were living in a one-bedroom apartment. You never want to live in a one-bedroom apartment with an 11-year-old boy that pees all over the seats. So you know, word of wisdom, he needs his own bathroom, he needs his own bedroom.

Embracing Retirement on Her Terms

Speaker 2 21:58

Stinky socks, I just didn't take it. So I started looking for this house. Stinky socks, I just didn't think. So I started looking for this house and we were on our way to bring him and his sister to camp, a camp for kids that are going through grief, a grief camp. So we go to this house and this house has a swimming pool in the backyard. The house is in a short sale, I know y'all know the bet right. So this house was in a short sale. I know y'all know the M&A, the vet, right. So this house was in a short sale. But it was beautiful Two stories, 3,600 square feet. And I told him I was like, guys, this is going to be our house. And it was in August. School started in September.

Speaker 2 22:35

So I told the realtor, we really want this house. He'd say listen, this house has been on the market for going on three years. They've had six failed contracts. The pool was black. He said look, I don't know what's the story on this house, but it seems as though it's got to be something else. I said yeah, they've been waiting on us. That's the story. Yes, so you know, I write a contract. I explain to them how my dad's he had lost his mother and his father six months apart and my dad. So my dad was very influential. Like he dies, then his dad dies, then my sister dies. But when I take this young man was just broken. And so we wrote all it up, sent it to the bank and the bank said y'all got to get this house. Did you know? We closed within 30 days. Everybody that I talked to they said girl for a short sale doesn't happen.

Speaker 4 23:32

I was like that does not happen.

Speaker 2 23:34

I was like okay, so we move in. But now we got a pool in the backyard and so get the pool and everything fixed. So every year my family comes over for a Fourth of July party and this year, the Fourth of July party, they decided to give me a retirement party the next day. I didn't know. I mean, I know everything, I'm the kind of person I don't miss a beat. So they said let's have a bonding moment with Mama. We're going to take you shopping for Sanaa, my granddaughter that's 19, to get her perfume. So her brother is 26, she's 19, and then my daughter has a 14 year old. So they take me to the mall.

Speaker 2 24:15

My thing I hate is shopping. I hate to shop. Well, I hate to spend and I always look at the stores, especially the malls, as an opportunity to separate me from my money. So they were like. They were like we're gonna go to this store, we're gonna help sanad understand how to select perfumes. I was like this is ludicrous. Who does this? You know.

Speaker 2 24:37

So we go in the store and everybody wants to spray us and I was like first of all, now that we've been sprayed with all these colognes, she'll never know which one she likes. Not the sense. So then he was like okay, well, we're going to go to another store. I was like another store shopping for perfume. He was like, yeah, they have the little cards, we'll get them to spray that. So now we've been gone for over an hour. I was like are we finished perfume shopping? They were like, yeah, we can leave now this. I said, well, what do we buy? And it was like I don't know, we'll have to come back. So I said, guys, I love spending the time with y'all, but just so you know, I hate shopping and I hate shopping for perfume. Never played another trip like this, ever again for me. So we get home and I walked through the door and my daughter is like happy retirement. I was like happy retirement. They was like, yeah, we couldn't get you out, you were just being like.

Speaker 2 25:30

I was like go to the store and so they have my house all decorated and it was wonderful. But I'm going to say it's a short clip on that please do well.

Speaker 4 25:42

Congratulations on retirement, and it was wonderful, but I'm going to say it's a short clip on that. Please do, yeah, please do Well, congratulations on retirement and taking control of that process. You're right, it wasn't an experience that was happening to you. You were going to take control.

Speaker 2 25:53

It was happening for me, for you Most things that start off negative in my life, and I would say for anybody if you look close enough, there's a rainbow. Absolutely. But you got to keep looking. Yeah.

Speaker 4 26:09

Oh my gosh, Marilyn, it has been an absolute pleasure to have you on the show. Thank you for sharing your story. Oh my gosh, this was great. There's more in the middle. We got the beginning. We got where you are right now. We want to hear the middle and then where you're going next. We're going to have to bring you back, Do do.

Speaker 2 26:30

Please please. Thank you, Natalie please send me your number. I like to visit with you off of this, right here. I absolutely will.

Speaker 4 26:38

I will send you a message as soon as we hop off. Thank you so much for joining.

Speaker 2 26:42

It's so nice to meet you and thank you. It's so great to grow for you, Pam, this naked Thank you. I'm excited, that's right.

Episode Closing and Future Conversations

Speaker 4 26:49

Pam. Yes, we're going to send it. Everyone's going to send positive thoughts to Pam as she enters into her silent retreat weekend. We'll do an episode and talk about it because I think we need to talk about it and for our listeners. If you want to find out more about what's happening in the world of Reignite Resilience, head on over to reigniteresiliencecom or find us on Facebook and Instagram Until next time. We'll see you all soon. Bye, everyone.

Speaker 1 27:11

Thank you for joining us today on the Reignite Resilience podcast. We hope you had some aha moments and learned a few new real life ideas. To fuel the flames of passion, please subscribe on your favorite streaming platform, like or download your favorite episodes and, of course, share with your friends and family. We look forward to seeing you again next time on Reignite Resilience.