Building A Salon, Healing A Life + Resiliency with Erin Mills (Part 2)

What if closing a door is the most courageous way to open yourself back up to purpose? We sit down with Erin to unpack a pivotal decision to let go of a salon, release the grind of proving, and choose an energy that sustains rather than scorches. The conversation journeys from survival mode as a young single mom to a mature practice of alignment: clear boundaries, honest self-inquiry, and rituals that create space for real leadership.

Erin walks us through the daily non-negotiables that became her anchor: long walks that regulate the nervous system, tapping (EFT) to move stuck loops of fear and grief, meditation for calm focus, and a simple “Who am I?” journaling practice that separates identity from output. We talk about the sneaky cost of overgiving—how rescuing others can erode your business, blur responsibility, and drain the very capacity you need to serve. Instead, she models clean leadership: respecting others’ choices, protecting your container, and choosing when and how to help without losing yourself.

We also explore the deeper layers of identity and generational healing. Erin shares how letting emotions move through the body brought surprising changes, from a newfound sense of safety to physical shifts and renewed creativity. With a clear, if evolving, vision—mentoring teams, finishing salon and spa software, and one day expanding again—she centers presence over performance and connection over control. The takeaway is practical and hopeful: claim fifteen minutes for yourself each day, and you’ll reclaim far more than time. You’ll reclaim choice, clarity, and the fire that fuels meaningful work.

The Quiet Gift: A Journey of Self Worth and Resilience is now available for download as an audible.  Check it out!

Transcript

SPEAKER_01 0:06

All of us reach a point in time where we are depleted and need to somehow find a way to reignite the fire within. But how do we spark that flame? Welcome to Reignite Resilience, where we will venture into the heart of the human spirit. We'll discuss the art of reigniting our passion and strategies to stoke our enthusiasm. And now here are your hosts, Natalie Davis and Pamela Cass.

SPEAKER_00 0:41

I mean, even as you mentioned, going back and signing your lease, that's a big thing. And for anyone that has entered into a commercial lease, you said it and it brought back an emotional response for me when I went back and told the property manager that we wouldn't be renewing a lease for a business that I had started. Same thing. And it's like I had more hesitation in letting the property manager and owner know that I wouldn't be renewing, thinking that there's like so much shame and disappointment that they'd have that I'm not going to continue operating in this space. And who are they to me? But in that moment, I didn't think that. In that moment, I was like mortified because I wanted to prove them wrong. Right. Yes. Let me show you I can do this.

SPEAKER_03 1:20

The proving energy, sometimes we have to have that. You know, we do have to have that to get that fire in us.

SPEAKER_00 1:26

Exactly.

SPEAKER_03 1:26

Yes. But again, that's the one that's like not sustainable if you want to live.

SPEAKER_00 1:31

I was gonna say that can't be the thing that sustains you.

Survival Mode To Self-Alignment

SPEAKER_03 1:34

Exactly. It sure helped me with everything I started, though. It really, really did. And I started out, I was a single mom at 22, and I was on food stamps. That energy to protect my son, I didn't have any family in the state, like truly was survive or don't survive.

SPEAKER_02 1:51

Yeah.

SPEAKER_03 1:51

Back then, 20 years ago, there was no talk of healing. It was totally different than now. So I had no idea how much of that I still carried in my everyday energy. And my energy was, I'm never gonna have enough. We have to keep running. Just keep running. Physically, I run too. So just keep running. And eventually, like you have to stop and be like, Well, where am I now? And it can be a blessing. As hard as this is, I see the blessing and letting myself lead in a different way. And the energy can be completely different. My purpose can be an alignment again.

SPEAKER_02 2:28

And how much more will you be able to give if you're not tied up with all this other stuff?

Family, Safety, And Redefining Wholeness

SPEAKER_03 2:35

Yeah. And not to mention to my family. Absolutely. They take the biggest hit when my business is struggling. Yeah, they are the ones that are like, it's okay, we got you. And thank God. Even my oldest son is 20 years old. He's a Marine now, and he is doing so great. And I remember I have a family that I actually am safe with. I can be safe at home, which is all I wanted as a kid. I have that. I don't have to prove it to them. They see me.

SPEAKER_02 3:04

Yeah.

SPEAKER_03 3:04

And I have to see me in such a way that I'm allowed to make mistakes and fail at things and still be seen as whole in my heart. Yeah. Because it's not just one thing that makes us whole and human. It's the ability to experience all of it, to ride the waves of the joy and the pain and the hard times and to come out of it knowing I'm still alive. I'm still here. Beautiful.

SPEAKER_00 3:30

What do you envision for the next steps, Erin? You're gonna make this announcement to the rest of your team next week. In real life, not for our listeners, but in real life it will happen next week. What does that look like after? What do you envision?

Preventing Backslide: Habits And Self-Trust

SPEAKER_03 3:45

The vision is tough because it's a little blurry right now. But what I do know is that I get to choose. I will get choice instead of me having to just react to things thrown at me a little more. Of course, things are still going to happen, but in letting go of what is drowning me. Now I get to be here again in my fullness. What I actually really enjoy is being in a salon and helping when someone needs help. I enjoy being the person that just talks to the clients, that goes in fold styles, that finds what needs to be done, and I help people. And I get to just be the helper again. And then for myself, I get to be creative in what I'm producing, not at the cost of one of the other salons, not at the cost of my mental health. So I get to be the leader that I wanted to be in the beginning. I get to have connections again that I've been missing. And I get to help when people need help. And I think I can lead us in such a different way that the energy is felt. Like it is felt that our purpose is there again. The community serving doesn't change because we are a big part in our community. Even now, even with closing one of my salons, I'm donating this month all of the retail profits to Second Harvest Food Bank, a food bank near our area, and matching that personally because people are really struggling right now. Who I am isn't changing, but I am getting to decide now. And I get to let my heart be open and see what comes and lead my team with love instead of leading my team barely holding on.

SPEAKER_02 5:21

So, how do you prevent yourself from going back to what your normal is? Because I've found when you are at that level all the time running and doing and checking boxes that you try to do that reset and slow down, but then you gravitate towards doing it again.

SPEAKER_03 5:40

I think that's what I did with the second one. I did do that. I was like, oh, I have free time. What should I do? But I have to prioritize a few things. A few things is it sounds silly, but every single day I have to walk. I have to walk every day. I do other workouts, but the walking for whatever reason is like the most healing thing for me. And I'm too old to compromise any more of my own life. I didn't get to choose the home I lived in, the people that hurt me. I didn't get to choose any of that as a child. And then when you're a single mom, you don't get to choose what you get to do. So keeping myself from going back is like reminding myself my biggest failure would be if I fail myself again. So I can't do that. I have to love myself like I tell everyone else to love them. So every day it's the walking. I write down who am I? I write down who I am. Because sometimes you easily forget that. Because the world tries to tell you over and over, and if our minds aren't clear, we're going to believe it. And then I do my practices, my spiritual practices. I have to do that. And then every day, for instance, I worked all weekend. I have to remember, I can't compromise short term anymore for the long term. So I think you have to get into the habits of things that are important to you, and you have to write down and remember who you are every day. Otherwise, you're going to get back into those old patterns because they were lifelong patterns. They don't just change. We have to literally rewire ourselves every single day. If we say we want to be this new her, then it's like a genuine practice for a long time, practicing the unbecoming and the becoming again.

unknown 7:22

Yeah.

SPEAKER_00 7:23

When you prompt yourself with the who am I, Erin, this is beyond titles and roles and responsibilities. So what does that reflective practice look like for you?

SPEAKER_03 7:34

That is so true. Because who I am was 100% tethered in my business. There was no separation. Closing something has felt like all the wounds of feeling like I'm not even worthy to be here. I'm like the gum on people's shoes, you know, all of the things inside that I still hadn't healed was questioning everything. So who I am is literally sometimes just I am. Some days it is just I am. And some days it is you matter and I matter. Some days it's I am love and light. Some days it's I'm a lighthouse of love. And some days it's just I am here. I am here. The key point really is I am. I am not what I do, I'm not what I produce. I am not who I save.

SPEAKER_02 8:27

Yeah.

SPEAKER_03 8:27

I just am. I have to hold on to that and be proud of the returning to myself because I was always just someone for everyone else. I was only just a mirror and a helper, and I wasn't a real person. Sometimes even it's just I am a person today.

Letting Go Of Old Identities And Stories

SPEAKER_02 8:45

That is a question that a lot of us get asked, you know, who are you? Oh, I'm a mom. Yeah. And it's all the labels. But if you ask, no, who are you? It's hard for people to ask that question because they've been defined by the things they do for so long, they don't even know who they are anymore. Or maybe they never knew who they were.

SPEAKER_03 9:05

Yes. And if you've been through anything or you've gone through a loss, sometimes it's I'm a survivor.

SPEAKER_02 9:11

Yeah.

Creating Space For New Work And Ideas

SPEAKER_03 9:12

I am strong. And for mine, a lot of it was like, yes, I'm a survivor. I am resilient. And yes, I am those things, but I can't hold on to those stories. I have to also let them go too, because I can't move past it if I'm going to hold on to all of my stories for so long. And I can't repress them either because they're going to come out. So I have to feel them, let them move through me and let go of all of my old identities, all of my who I thought I was supposed to be. And I still believe, like I still have hope. I still think I'm going to open more salons. I'm also in the process of have been for five years of writing salon and spa software. That's the only hairstylist I ever created software. There are so many other things that I want to do. And I still see the light. It's just sometimes it's like really dim. But I feel like for women, and if anyone's listening, I know that most of us have felt like we are only what we are to other people. Or if we are seen as good. That was a huge one for me. I'm a good person, but I'm a good person. And I have to let go of that too. Like I know who I am and who you think I am. That's okay. You're allowed to, but I know who I am.

SPEAKER_02 10:23

Yeah. And I think what you're doing, the courageous closing down the salon, is going to allow you that space to get into that creative mind to do whatever it is you want to do. More salons, finish the software, and who knows what else is going to come because you're allowing yourself the space. When we're always doing and doing and doing, it's really hard to let other things come in that are meant to come into our world. So congratulations. That's amazing.

SPEAKER_03 10:52

Thank you. Yes. And they do say, I tell my own team this if you don't have any space, you can't add more things. Exactly. And I ran out of space like a long time ago. Yeah. It was coming out of every part of your body.

SPEAKER_00 11:04

Yes.

SPEAKER_02 11:05

Yeah. Oh my gosh.

SPEAKER_00 11:06

But you've realized it and you're turning the corner and something anew, right? And not forgetting who you are, I think is an important piece and not losing that. Because as you're proving to others or performing for others or doing for others or doing it in the name of other people, right? Like these people depend on you, or they look to you, or you want to help them. And where would they turn? Where would they go? All the while you're sitting in the corner, not even addressing you in the corner.

Boundaries, Overgiving, And Other People’s Journeys

SPEAKER_03 11:30

Yeah. And not feeling like I am allowed to. Like I have to give to them. I can't give to myself. Especially when you feel like other people don't think that you should be either. It's like, see, they don't think I should, so I shouldn't. I have to keep doing more. So fear, isn't it interesting that like fear is such a protector of us and also can like destroy us inside?

SPEAKER_00 11:51

Yeah, everyone. Yes. All at the same time. It does all of that. Yes.

SPEAKER_03 11:56

I thought I was really great with change. And I think what it was is I just was always able to find control somehow. I was always able to take the reins. I was always able to like drive, and I didn't realize it. I thought I was great with going with the flow. No, I just took over over and over and over. I took over people's responsibilities. More and more and more. Yeah. Even failures, I would take other people's failures as mine. And that's not true. People have choice.

unknown 12:20

Yeah.

SPEAKER_00 12:21

There was someone that said it's kind of a disservice to change someone else's journey for them. To remove that from them is kind of robbing them of that opportunity to live through that experience. So if it's the failure, like that's their opportunity to live through that and turn it into a triumph versus us. Many of us want to say, well, let me help you fix it. Or we saw this coming like a freight train. We're sorry you didn't. Let's fix it for you. Nope, this is yours, your journey, you fix it. You work on it, and I'm here for you, but not going to take it on for you.

SPEAKER_03 12:51

Yeah. And that was one of my hardest lessons because even this year, I used to get so upset and really hurt inside that people wouldn't take what I could give them and let me help them because I could, I could see sometimes, you know, because I struggled, I didn't want anyone to struggle, especially moms. I'm like, I don't want them to struggle. I want to help them. So I'd give them higher commissions and it would take from me. And this has slowly destroyed my first salon. It was the overgiving. The overgiving is what did me in. And it's not that I regret the overgiving because I don't, but it can't be at the expense of my own business. And I can't care so much about wanting to help other people when it's their choice. I am not them. Why does my ego need so badly to help them when they're saying, no, thank you? And I'm like, no, you need me to help you. Yeah. My God, I need to help myself and feel like heal whatever it is that's in me that needs to be healed and stop trying to force my help on people who don't want it.

SPEAKER_00 13:52

Yeah, exactly. That may be perfectly content with where they are.

Daily Tapping, Walking, And Energy Release

SPEAKER_03 13:55

Yeah.

SPEAKER_00 13:56

Erin, you also do tapping as one of the modalities in your practice. So just to recap, you have the physical movement with the daily walks that has to happen. You do the journaling, you do the meditation. Is tapping part of that daily must, like a non-compromise that has to happen?

SPEAKER_03 14:13

Yes, every single day. Sometimes I do tapping without words, but I go through the whole tapping points, all the tapping points, because it really clears out whatever is stuck. I've done a lot of therapy and talking just hasn't worked for me. Talking has not let me let go of the pain. It still just builds it into a loop. There's thousands of loops going on. What tapping has done and the walking, and I also do meditation every single day. And I also, when I'm walking, do walking meditations. But the tapping is a release. It can also be bringing things in of I am, even though I'll sometimes start with like, even though I don't understand, I fully and completely love myself. Even though this is really hard, I fully and completely love myself. And then I just go through the frustrations almost like a brain dump. And then I go through, if it still feels bad, then I go through it again and then I reset and then I let it go. Or sometimes I just don't have any words, but I keep doing it until I let it go. The body movement and the energy movement, not just healing, things that I went through for abuse now feel neutral when I had these loops of terror my whole life. And now it feels neutral. And then when things come up, I will tell you though, because I live disassociated, it sucks sometimes to feel the weight of the pain that comes up because you do feel it all. But then it does go away. And that's what's so crazy to me is that we actually can just use our own bodies to release stored things that we don't even know what it is. Sometimes it's generations before us. We might be releasing things that have been wanting to be released for lifetimes. And if we let ourselves feel it, it does go away. And the craziest thing is, I have struggled with my weight my whole life. And I started doing these healing modalities religiously, daily, morning and night, and choosing to feel it instead of shutting myself down. And I'm telling you, I have lost 15 pounds that I have not been able to lose in 14 years. That may not sound like a lot, but because of energy work, because of healing, that is nuts. I have tried, like I have done all of the things and I do less of that now. And I just heal and I just walk and I just feel. Isn't that wild that that can do that and change these painful, painful moments to feeling neutral? Yeah.

Teaching Healing: Neuroidentity And Safety

SPEAKER_02 16:39

Your body's releasing it finally. Yeah. Because we just store it. And if we've never identified it or never allowed it space, it's gonna just stay there. And then there's gonna be things that trigger us. We don't understand why they trigger us. And so you've allowed it to come and go through and leave.

SPEAKER_03 16:56

Right. I've taken some of my team on a little bit of this journey, and I'm in the process of becoming a neuroidentity practitioner. I will be in January. What that means is just learning how to help others use their own body to help heal themselves because we have everything we need inside. People may not know how to get to yourself, but to build the safety and be able to feel safe in our own bodies is something I never had, is to feel safe within my own body. To me, that's the biggest gift. Yeah. And to be able to have fun with my family, that's a big gift.

unknown 17:26

Yeah.

SPEAKER_03 17:27

That's huge. Wow.

SPEAKER_00 17:29

Well, congratulations. That's exciting. And will you offer this service just to people that are close to you, or are you offering this to the masses?

SPEAKER_03 17:36

I will be, yeah. So I'm doing it with my team in a small way first. And then I have four classes that I'm going to offer, which I'm very excited about. But for right now, I am making sure that I'm in alignment first always. And I know that my healing ripples. I know it does. For my kids and my ancestors and whoever else gets in experience with me.

SPEAKER_00 18:00

Exactly. The generations a hundred years from now, decades from now, what will they have? And how are you setting them up for success? Yeah. I mean, just by simply taking this moment for you to do the work for generations past and future.

SPEAKER_02 18:12

You're stopping the generational trauma here so that it doesn't move forward.

Generational Healing And Worthy Of Joy

SPEAKER_03 18:17

That's big. It's huge. It really is. And I feel grateful for that. And I used to feel very angry. Like, why did all this stuff happen to me as a kid? And why did I have this experience of loss and all of these things? And I was still like, I wouldn't want those things to happen, but I can see why. And I'm grateful for the ability to help in any way in my family and in my generation to heal. Because we do all deserve to live our own lives here and feeling whole and not feeling like it's all just meaningless or feeling like everyone around us gets to experience joy but us. We should be able to feel joy. We're all worthy of that. There isn't a person that doesn't deserve wholeness.

SPEAKER_00 19:05

Love that. Oh my goodness. Erin, do you have any words of advice for our listeners that we haven't touched on? You've shared so many nuggets already. Is there anything else that you'd like to leave them with today?

Fifteen Minutes For You: Reclaim Your Life

SPEAKER_03 19:15

I think it's always important that we need to show up for ourselves. We have to show up for ourselves because it's not that we can't depend on other people to do it. It's that we live with ourselves every single day. We are with us 100% of the time. So we all, everyone listening, deserves to live a little bit better than they have been living. Everyone deserves to put the energy into themselves that they do other people. So if you're at a moment where you feel like you don't and you don't know how, you can simply choose that for 15 minutes a day, this is my time. Whatever it is that you do, it needs to just be for you. It doesn't have to be the tapping or breathing if that's not your thing, but it needs to be something that is just for you. We have to reclaim our lives inside. It starts there. And once you do, all of a sudden, you're going to start to crave it. And then you're going to want to see other people doing it. And you're going to feel like this purpose again, because you gave yourself just your time every single day that's for you. We can reclaim it. And it is important. It is holy to reclaim your own life.

SPEAKER_02 20:25

It allows you to show up fully for other people when you do that. Yes.

How To Connect With Erin And Closing

SPEAKER_00 20:29

Because you have something to give again. That's fabulous. Thank you for sharing that gentle reminder with all of us. I think spot on. Aaron, if our listeners want to get a hold of you, what's the best way for them to find you and connect?

SPEAKER_03 20:41

The best way is my Instagram at erin.mills and my podcast launched a few months ago. It's called I Think You Should Be Brave. That is an amazing tool that I also do courage within meditations and share other women's stories of hope as well and what they've gone through. So Instagram is a wonderful place to start.

SPEAKER_00 21:00

Beautiful.

SPEAKER_03 21:00

Love it.

SPEAKER_00 21:01

Thank you so much. We'll make sure that we tag your Instagram handle in the show notes.

SPEAKER_03 21:05

Thank you.

SPEAKER_00 21:06

Thank you, Erin, for joining us today. This has been amazing. Thank you for sharing your journey and your insight.

SPEAKER_03 21:11

Yeah. Thank you. It's been wonderful having the both of you. It's been so great.

SPEAKER_00 21:16

Wonderful. For our listeners, we will make sure that we get you connected to Erin. You can check out the show notes. We'll put her contact information there. And if you're wanting to know more about what's happening in the world of Reignite Resilience, head on over to ReigniteResilience.com or find us at Reignite Resilience Podcast on Instagram and Facebook. Until next time, we'll see y'all soon. Bye everyone.

SPEAKER_01 21:34

Thank you for joining us today on the Reignite Resilience Podcast. We hope you had some aha moments and learned a few new real life ideas to fuel the flames of passion. Please subscribe on your favorite streaming platform, like or download your favorite episodes, and of course, share with your friends and family. We look forward to seeing you again next time on Reignite Resilience.