From Fear To Gratitude + Resiliency with Jeff Luther (Part 2)

What if the bravest comeback isn’t a sprint, but thirty seconds at a time? We sit down with Jeff, a former ultra-fit athlete whose diagnosis turned adrenaline into a liability and forced a reckoning with identity, fear, and the stories we tell about worth. The moment that changed everything wasn’t a triumphant PR; it was dropping kettlebells, saying “I quit,” and then agreeing to try again for just thirty seconds. That small promise opened a path from panic to presence and rebuilt trust in a body with new rules.

We explore how gratitude can be more than a platitude—how searching for even odd, honest reasons to be thankful rewires attention and makes hope practical. Jeff shares how he returned to training with a coach who removed noise and hype, designed short heavy lifts, and prioritized safety over swagger. Together we unpack the mental loop many high performers know too well: If I don’t produce, what am I worth? From the hedonic treadmill to the fear of letting the dust settle, we challenge the belief that love and value hinge on output.

Jeff now coaches founders, executives, and entrepreneurs who have achieved “success” yet feel strangely empty. Through candid questions and grounded exercises—like saying your private beliefs out loud as if to your kids—he helps leaders see the cost of their hidden narratives. We talk about bringing shame into the light, giving ourselves the grace we offer friends, and trading Who am I if I can’t for Who am I becoming. If you’re stuck between who you were and what comes next, this conversation offers a practical rhythm for progress, one micro-win at a time.

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Transcript

Opening: Reigniting The Inner Fire

SPEAKER_00 0:06

All of us reach a point in time where we are depleted and need to somehow find a way to reignite the fire within. But how do we spark that flame? Welcome to Reignite Resilience, where we will venture into the heart of the human spirit. We'll discuss the art of reigniting our passion and strategies to stoke our enthusiasm. And now here are your hosts, Natalie Davis and Pamela Cass.

SPEAKER_01 0:41

So, Jeff, you through a major ending of a part of your life, the life that was this marathon runner, this very fit person to this new part of your life. And you went through a pretty significant transition. What did that transition look like for you emotionally to get to this place where you are now, where you're in this place of more gratitude?

Choosing Gratitude Amid Disease

SPEAKER_03 1:05

It's hard to answer that truthfully because a lot of it I don't remember. You know, it's like you just do it. You just have to keep moving. So so the gratitude piece was was huge for me. And I wish I mean there was like some profound thing. I know that sounds so simple, but until I was there real time and had to execute, it just wasn't real to me. So that gratitude piece was a big deal. And the more I learned about that, the more I started to find things to be grateful for. And then one day I was like, okay, well, what's what can I be grateful for about this disease? Like, what's great about it? Well, nothing's great about it. It sucks. Okay. Well, if I could find something to be great about it, what would it be? All right, well, I don't have a shellfish allergy. This is a true story. This is true. I was walking on the beach on Sullivan's, and this is this is how this went down. Like, all right, well, I don't have a shellfish allergy. And so I'm like, hmm, you know, Alan has a shellfish allergy. I wonder like, why? Why does some people have it and some people don't? Like, that sucks for them because shellfish is so good.

SPEAKER_01 2:08

It's so good. Yes.

SPEAKER_03 2:10

And then I'm like, huh, well, I guess their bodies are different. You know, their body, something about it is different, and their body responds differently to shellfish. I wonder if my body responds differently to this disease. I wonder. So then I started doing some research and and looking up some things that I might be able to do to move my body and did what any smart male athlete would do. Take it away, Natalie.

SPEAKER_02 2:36

You tried them all. I went back to the gym. Went back to the gym. That's what you do.

SPEAKER_03 2:42

Yeah.

SPEAKER_02 2:43

Yes. Of course you did. Yes.

SPEAKER_03 2:46

So so I did. I was like, all right, well, maybe I can do this. Because, you know, like it was important to me. It was part of my life. And there was a lot of, okay, well, if I don't run a sub six mile, then who am I? If I don't deadlift twice my body weight, then who am I? If I don't put in a faster time than the young kids, then who am I? And anyone that's in that loop, try to change that question to who am I becoming?

SPEAKER_02 3:12

Yeah.

Redefining Self: From Metrics To Becoming

Finding A Coach For Safe Training

SPEAKER_03 3:13

Instead of who am I. So I started kind of toying with the idea of going back. And gratitude was still a big part of this. That was still what I was working on. And I found, I sought out a coach. And I think that's a a piece there too that helped me is like I, you know, I'm I'm fit. I write my own workouts. I know how to work out. I'm motive. I don't need someone to motivate me. I'm motivated. I know nutrition. I know programs. And I sought out a coach because there's things about my disease that are different. Neurotransmitters, the ketokelamines, the adrenaline, the endorphins, all the things you get from exercise are bad for me. They're bad for my heart. And that's part of the reason exercise is bad. So I found a coach. I said, hey, here are the here are the things that I can do, the exercises that I can do. Here are the things that are bad for me. Adrenaline is bad for me. So I need a coach that's going to help me with these lifts because they're heavy, they're short. And I need someone, I don't want to get hurt. I want someone to help me do them right. I need someone, I need a place to work out that's quiet, no music. You're no one that's going to cheer me on. And I need to be alone. And I need to make sure that I don't die. You know, keep me alive. If something happens, call an ambulance, give me compressions, keep me alive. And this idiot said, Yeah, he would do it.

SPEAKER_02 4:41

You're like, less of that cheering. That's the cheering that you can't do. Right.

SPEAKER_03 4:45

Yeah. Yeah.

SPEAKER_02 4:47

Yes.

SPEAKER_03 4:48

So I truly I went back to the gym, you know, and I start with a start with just a warm-up. And I knew, I knew that it was gonna happen. And you were you're both probably too young for this, but there was a show, Sanford and signed, Red Fox on it. He was a comedian.

SPEAKER_01 5:02

You remember that? Oh, yeah.

SPEAKER_03 5:03

Oh, Elizabeth, this is a big one.

SPEAKER_01 5:06

That's how I fell back on the couch. Yeah.

The Gym Breakdown And “I Quit”

Thirty Seconds At A Time

SPEAKER_03 5:09

Oh, that was my life. That's how I felt. So I went back to the gym. And you know, when as soon as I started warming up, I was like, oh my gosh, it's I can this, it's gonna happen. I can feel it. And it didn't. And so then when we started really doing warm-ups, get into the exercises, like, oh my gosh, this it's gonna happen. I I can feel it. Like, here it comes. And it didn't happen. And then we started the workout. And the workout, they were where it was a kettlebell press. So you start with the kettlebells on the ground, you you take them up into your front rack and then you press them up. And they and they were heavy. So it was it was short. And that was that was what I was limited to do. I could do really heavy or intense weight, but only for real short periods of time. So he'd written a workout for me. I think it was like a 2115-9. But I started the workout, and I was probably, I don't know, 15 seconds or so into it, and I quit. Like I I just I dropped the kettlebells and I quit. And to say that I quit, like I quit on life right there. I quit. I was done. And like I, you know, I'm saying it like in this calm, adult voice, but I was crying like there was snot, like I was, I was done. I quit. And I said, I quit. I I can't do this. I'm scared and I shouldn't be here, and and I'm done. He said, Yep, I I got it. You quit. I got it. But I just need you to give me 30 seconds. Just give me 30 seconds of work, and then we'll end on a win and we'll be done. It's like, no, you don't hear me. I quit. And when I say I quit on life, like if anyone's listening that's ever been there, I am so sorry. I'm so sorry you went through that because it is awful. And my wish is that if you haven't been through it, that you never go through it. So we argued back and forth, and there was yelling and cussing, and you got two alpha male workout guys. One wants something and one wants something else. So finally I was like, all right, all right, I'll do it. And this is so I have to say this out loud, and it embarrasses me every time I say it, but I secretly hoped something happened when I started the workout again, just to prove to him that that I was right.

SPEAKER_00 7:21

Yeah.

SPEAKER_03 7:21

So I picked up the kettlebells and I started the workout again. And I was going to do 30 seconds. So I did it. I did it slow, very slow. And I set him down and he said, That's amazing. You did it. You won. That's 30 seconds. I was like, you know, I think I can go another 30 seconds.

SPEAKER_02 7:39

Shocking. And we're back.

Naming Fear And Giving Yourself Grace

SPEAKER_03 7:41

Yeah. And I did. I did another 30 seconds. But again, it was slow. You know, it wasn't like this fast, tough thing. I just did a slow 30 seconds of movement. And I set him down. And he said, Man, that's amazing. You, that's more than you should have done. And that's a win. I was like, Yeah, I think I can go another 30 seconds. And so I did. And he said, All right, let's do this. Just go 30 seconds on and 30 seconds off and stop when you want to stop. But I I did, and I did the whole workout. I did the whole workout 30 seconds on and 30 seconds off. And in that hour and a half of that workout, I found myself in the depths of truly quitting at life and getting my life back all in that time frame. And that's how I did it. And I and I started from there. I built up from there. And I had to give myself grace and I had to understand that uh what we do as humans is we want to rebuild and return where we were. And I was never, I couldn't do that. But but that prevented me from healing mentally, you know, mentally healing. So I had to figure out hey, I'm just, I'm building. I'm just building new. And when you feel like when you feel like your life just falls apart and everything blows up, be sure and grab the bigger pieces that you see laying around because eventually you will build back and you're gonna need those.

SPEAKER_01 9:08

Absolutely. And so I think the key there is you had a coach that knew to push you, not not huge, but just push you enough to get you a win. And so you weren't ending that that depth that you were in where you were ready to just quit on life. And then it was just from there, just a little bit at a time, which is that's important because I think some people think that they can do it on their own. Like, I got this, I don't need any help. Especially men, I think, tend to do that.

SPEAKER_03 9:38

Wait, what?

Turning Pain Into Coaching Insight

SPEAKER_01 9:39

I know it's shocking. And and yeah, and so for the the fact that you were courageous enough to know that you needed somebody to to step in and and take you, hopefully take you on that journey to get back to where you are today, which is a new Yeah, you you made several good points.

SPEAKER_03 10:55

And one, I would like to point out what you said is he knew to push me, but not too much. I think that's important. And in a similar vein, I would never suggest anyone be reckless with their health. You know, I did the research. The coach did the research. He was familiar with the disease. But yeah, to your point, it was too easy to quit. And I knew that if I didn't have someone to push me, I would probably have rolled over.

SPEAKER_01 11:20

Yeah.

SPEAKER_03 11:20

Yeah.

SPEAKER_02 11:22

You had a tremendous amount of fear that still existed, though, Jeff, in that moment, right? Like heading into that workout, there was that fear still existed, hence you quitting so and not that's not without judgment. I'm just saying, like in that moment of realizing I can't, I can't do this. I think that's the fear that's bubbling up that's controlling your decision, not the actual ability of your body at that time.

Worth, Work, And The Stories We Tell

SPEAKER_03 11:44

Right. Yeah. And the fear, I mean the fear was overwhelming. And you know, and as you know, we're not supposed to say we're scared, we're not tough if we say we're scared and all these things, but the fear, it was just it was so overwhelming. And it was so many things. Like I I realized that that death was real. You know, you hear people say, there's a a really famous entrepreneur who says, you know, I'm not scared to die. I was dead for thousands of years, and and I was fine. And I get it, but man, once you're there and you you live it, like you literally live death, like I can tell you what death tastes like. The fear is unreal. So there's that peace, but there's also the peace for me, and this might, this, this might relate. You know, we're not people that are scared to fly, we're not scared of a plane crash. We're scared of the the 60 seconds it takes to fall 35,000 feet with everyone screaming and the chaos. So for me, it was as much the fear of dying, but I was also had this fear of getting shot by this thing 200 times on the way to the hospital, trying to get my heartbeat regulated. So there was a lot, and I did not give myself that grace to be afraid.

SPEAKER_02 13:09

I think that's such a big piece.

SPEAKER_03 13:10

Yeah.

SPEAKER_02 13:11

And you've not had that experience, right? You've not had it's not activated that it's had to bring you back yet.

SPEAKER_03 13:17

Correct. No, I have not. Yeah, that's so like my whole thing, like now is 30 seconds at a time. I just take things 30 seconds at a time. And I've got like I have a keynote written on it that I get. But comically, people, you know, people that know me and know what happened around the community, they'll ask, you know, hey, so how is everything? I'm like, oh 30 seconds, don't get shocked. That's it.

SPEAKER_02 13:44

That's C K, not O T. Not shot, but shocked. Right. Right. Yes, that's awesome. Well, and I I think I love that 30-second analogy. And and I think that's it's also used in the surface service, right? Like if you can just go another 30 seconds. And I think that that analogy can be used, or that rule and principle can be used in any area of life. And if it's something that you're going through physically, mentally, emotionally, like if if you just need to face something for 30 seconds, you can do anything for 30 seconds, at least if you carry that mindset. I can do anything for 30 seconds. Let's just do it for 30 more seconds. Yes.

SPEAKER_03 14:23

Yes. And you and you always have, you would be so amazed at what you can endure if you just hold just another couple of seconds, right? So another couple of seconds is another couple of seconds, is another couple of seconds. And then you're at 30. And it's not that long. You would be amazed at what you can endure.

SPEAKER_01 14:47

Absolutely.

Final Advice, Ideal Clients, And Closing

SPEAKER_02 14:48

So, Jeff, you've taken this experience that you've gone through, your personal life experience, and you've now are in this space where you too are working with high other high performers and entrepreneurs and executives and coaching them and guiding them. What does that look like when they're when individuals are working with you?

SPEAKER_03 15:07

So, one piece that I didn't tell of this story. So, June was my first episode. That's when uh that's when the big episode had. So the growth and the development that had to occur to endure all of these things gave me such a gift of, and I say a gift of divorce, I was devastated. I was absolutely like you talker, like literally heartbroken. I was heartbroken literally, figuratively, all of it. But it gave me such a gift of really having to sit with myself, which is a scary thing to do. I've found myself with this unique gift of being able to identify in others the things that I was doing. It's not normal to run an ultra marathon at 50 when you have kids that expect you to work out with them the next day and you're doing it overnight. So you're done at two in the morning. So, what was I hiding from? What was I trying to control? And I've used those lessons to identify in other high performers, other entrepreneurs, other founders to identify what they're doing now that they're hiding from, which has been really an amazing gift. I would like to have learned it from a book.

SPEAKER_02 16:47

But would you have?

unknown 16:49

No.

SPEAKER_03 16:50

True, very true. Yeah. Very true.

SPEAKER_02 16:54

Right? It's it's from the experiences that we have. And I would imagine working with high performers and especially entrepreneurs, you pour your all into this thing that you created, whatever it is, product or service. And so it doesn't seem like it should be a bad thing when you're disappearing from the rest of the world to pour into what you love, right? That's that's the biggest challenge.

SPEAKER_03 17:16

Right.

SPEAKER_02 17:16

Yeah.

SPEAKER_03 17:17

Right. And the consistency with entrepreneurs is it's never enough. It's never enough. The hedonic treadmill, right? You're you set a goal and you think that the goal is a revenue, or you think the goal is a profit, or you think that the goal is a number of employees, then you hit that and the fulfillment is not there.

SPEAKER_01 17:37

Yeah.

SPEAKER_03 17:39

That's right. Yeah. We get buried and busy. We feel like we have to be the first one at the office, the last one to leave. We feel like we're measured on how much dirt we take out of a ditch. It is a it's a theme. It's a constant theme in the entrepreneurial world.

SPEAKER_01 17:56

Natalie and I wouldn't know anything about anything.

SPEAKER_03 17:58

I was about to say, you guys, I'm sure, identify with that.

SPEAKER_01 18:02

What are you talking about?

SPEAKER_02 18:03

Not at all. Oh, no. Well, you you did touch on a piece, Jeff, when you talk about like the kind of the um emotion when you're faced with having to just sit with yourself. I think that's something that people should try to create in, you know, that space without having having it tied to an event. Unfortunately, yours was tied to an event. But I think once you are comfortable with facing yourself and really understanding who you are, it is nice to have that understanding and relationship with yourself, like knowing here, here is the truth about me, right? Like I'm hiding in these places. I'm not really authentic in these other places. And I really don't know why I signed up to do X, Y, and Z anyway, because I don't like it, right? Like that's you can have those honest conversations with yourself.

SPEAKER_03 18:47

Yeah, but they're so scary. They're so scary.

SPEAKER_02 18:50

Yeah, for sure. Yeah. Yes.

SPEAKER_03 18:53

And you raise such a good point, Natalie. The reason I signed up for A, B, C, even though I don't like them, is because if I don't, then the dust might settle. Then I've got to look at what's in the dust. And it's still a struggle for me. I still struggle with that. Why do I set these big lofty goals? Why do I want to volunteer to be the chapter of the EO Charleston, to be the president of the EO Charleston chapter? You know, why do I do all these things? Because it keeps me busy. It keeps me from having to do, having to look at where I might be failing. Another interesting thing that that I learned, if there was one question, and this is a struggle for me. Just like we talked about, you know, I mind fights with the happy versus sad. One question that I try to remove always is the question, but what would they think? But what would they think? You know what? I really I don't I don't want to do this anymore. You know what? I don't want to run today. Oh, but what would people think? What would they think? You know, I'm gonna walk with my dog for an hour instead of run. But what would they think? It's hard to say the words because it's almost it's embarrassing, right? I'm like exposing parts of my soul here. But it's so true. And if you can get there to that place of honesty with yourself, then it's really relieving.

SPEAKER_01 20:17

And I I think it's so tied to this this belief about our worth. If I'm not doing this, will I be worth it? And I think that's that dialogue that goes in our head all the time. Well, what would they think about me if I if I don't do this? What will they think about me if I I quit this and I don't show up for this? And yeah, and that's that's one of the hardest things for us to do is get out of our head and drop down into just our thought authentic self and just show up as who we're meant to be.

SPEAKER_03 20:49

Yeah. Yeah. One of the folks that I'm working with now, one of the top implementers in the in the the world. And part of his challenge is, you know, if I'm not performing and I'm not producing, then what am I worth? God, well, let's explore that. You know, let's let's talk about that. What are you worth? Tell me. And he said, we know I have to bring value. I bring value by money. Okay. That's good observation. Who told you that? Well, I just know that. Okay. So what you're telling, what you're telling me, what you're saying out loud, is that if you don't bring money to your family, that you have no value. Yes. All right. So if you have no value to your family, what does that mean? So well, they won't love me. That's okay. You know, that's our basic basic need, you know, to be loved. That's what we're terrified of, is not being loved. I said, okay, so they won't love you. So what you're telling me is if you can't provide money to your family, then you bring no value. And if you bring no value, then they won't love you. He said, yeah. It's okay. Now I want you to say that out loud, but here's the catch. You're saying that out loud to your family, to your kids, that that's what you think of them. He was like, oh my gosh. Like these stories that we tell ourselves. But when we tell ourselves these stories, we are putting that on the people that we love the most.

SPEAKER_02 22:18

Yeah.

SPEAKER_03 22:18

We do it to protect ourselves. I get it.

SPEAKER_02 22:20

It's our own little cage, right? We build ourselves into it. And just and oh my goodness.

SPEAKER_03 22:25

Yes, very well put. Yeah.

SPEAKER_02 22:27

Yeah.

SPEAKER_03 22:28

Yeah. It's it's like the crux, right? It's like the it's like the punishment of success. You you build yourself into this trap.

SPEAKER_02 22:37

Yeah. Exactly. What a great exercise. Say it as if your children were saying that, or say that to your children, to your children. Yeah. Express that same sentiment to your children. That that hits really deep.

SPEAKER_03 22:49

It was painful for me to even say it to him. Like it was almost ugly and underhanded. But you hear it. And you know, I I learned too in all of this that like shame, you know, shame, shame is a strong word. And I think it's a strong word just because we don't say it often. But shame lives in darkness. A lot of the things that, like my fear, you know, I didn't talk about my fear. I kept it in the dark, and then I was ashamed about it. But you put a little light on that stuff and it can't live. You know, shame can't live in the light. So things like that, you bring it to the light, and now all of a sudden people see, okay, yep, now, now I understand. And yeah, it you may feel that way, but now you get to a better understanding of what you're putting on other people when you tell yourself those stories.

SPEAKER_02 23:40

So true. Oh my gosh. Jeff, you've given us so much. Thank you. Thank you. Thank you. I would love for you to share just one piece of advice, something that we haven't touched on today that you'd want to leave our listeners with.

SPEAKER_03 23:52

And you've given advice.

SPEAKER_02 23:54

Yes.

SPEAKER_03 23:55

Advice is tough for me. Advice is like words of wisdom. Words of wisdom. Yeah. So I'll I'll say this. If you're in it, you know, you're in it. Give yourself grace. Give yourself grace. As high performers, we do not do that. We don't. We're too busy finding other people to give grace to. We don't give ourselves grace. And then that will give you a little bit of wiggle room, a little bit of wiggle room to start trying to figure it out. Bandwidth, whatever you want to call it. That would be some advice there. Give yourself the grace you would give a friend.

SPEAKER_02 24:32

That's huge. Like that. Absolutely. And you are coaching individuals. So if anyone wants to get a hold of you or reach out to you in terms of coaching opportunities, who's your ideal client and what does that look like if they want to connect with you, Jeff?

SPEAKER_03 24:45

My ideal client is the entrepreneur, the founder, the business owner, the executive, the person really, what I love, here are the people that I love to work with. The people that have that have met what they thought was success, but they're still unfulfilled. Those are the people that I love to work with. And if the people that are stuck, if you're stuck, like you've gotten there, you've churned, you've burned, you've gotten there, you've done the grind, and you just don't know what to do next, or you're scared, whatever, whatever step it is that you want to take, you're scared to take it. That's the ideal client.

unknown 25:21

Nice.

SPEAKER_01 25:22

Or fabulous. Feel like there's a lot of those people out there. Unfortunately.

SPEAKER_02 25:29

I was gonna say there are a lot, or there are a lot that may not even realize it just yet. But when they do, you'll be here to help them.

SPEAKER_03 25:35

Absolutely. Yeah, you just you keep you keep chugging along, right? That's a good point, Natalie. You just keep chugging along. Oh, it'll get better tomorrow. It'll get better tomorrow. It'll get better tomorrow. Until you move, you're just at the same place.

SPEAKER_02 25:46

Exactly. Exactly. And we talk about it a lot on the show. Like who you're surrounding yourself with really makes a difference. And so having a coach that's there to hold you accountable, has sometimes hold the mirror up and ask you those tough questions, like you shared with your client. Like, can you honestly say this to your child? Like those are the things that we wouldn't do for ourselves in our own space. So having a coach is tremendously helpful to unlock and discover some of those things for yourself if you're if you're if you choose to, right? That's all that's the right magic of this all is that all of this is that you have a choice. You have a choice.

SPEAKER_03 26:18

Yeah. Yeah, that's it. None of us need it, right? We will be just fine. We're surviving just like we are. Yeah. If they choose choosing.

SPEAKER_02 26:26

This has been wonderful, Jeff. Thank you, thank you, thank you. Thank you for sharing your personal story as well as your wisdom and knowledge with us today. This has been lovely. We'll make sure that we put all of your contact information in the show notes so our listeners can track you down if they want to connect with you and work with you. And and yeah, best of luck with your 30 seconds at a time. I I love that.

SPEAKER_03 26:47

Yeah, thank you. Yeah, y'all are fun. You made this easy. Thanks for having this podcast and giving people like me space to tell their story. It's it's cool.

SPEAKER_02 26:56

We love it. Absolutely. That's why we're here. That's why we started. So thank you for taking the space and taking the time. We appreciate that. For our listeners, you all know the deal. If you want to learn more about what's happening in the world of Reignite Resilience, head on over to ReigniteResilience.com. Until next time, we'll see you all soon.

SPEAKER_00 27:13

Bye, everyone. Thank you for joining us today on the Reignite Resilience podcast. We hope you had some aha moments and learned a few new real life ideas to fuel the flames of passion. Please subscribe on your favorite streaming platform, like or download your favorite episodes, and of course, share with your friends and family. We look forward to seeing you again next time on Reignite Resilience.