How to make decisions faster, and live in true alignment (with Caryn Gillen)

In this episode, Jenna sits down with Master Coach Caryn Gillen for a deep, relatable and accessible conversation on how knowing your values shifts the way you make decisions, run your business, and experience all your relationships.

If you’ve ever felt selfish for protecting your time, guilty for doing things your way, or frustrated that you're not being understood-- this is for you.

Caryn explains how truly living in alignment with your values takes guts because it inherently requires not making everyone else happy. But it's also the path to clarity, clear decision making, and building an intentional life and business.

Identify your core values using Caryn's mini course "The Values Equation": https://caryngillen.thrivecart.com/thevaluesequation/?coupon=JENNA50

🎁 Use Coupon Code: JENNA50 for 50% off!

Say hi to Caryn on Instagram ➡️ https://www.instagram.com/caryngillen/

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✨Watch a FREE masterclass called “How To Get Clients From Instagram (without wasting hours glued to your phone)"

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Music by Jordan Wood

Hosted by Jenna Harding (Warriner), Creator of Magic Marketing Machine

🎉 Get clients from Instagram! Tap here to work with Jenna Harding  inside Magic Marketing Machine!

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Music by Jordan Wood

Hosted by Jenna Harding (Warriner), Creator of Magic Marketing Machine

Transcript

speaker 2 (00:00) One time I was talking to my business coach about how this girl was evil. I was like, how could she say that? That couldn't possibly, she must be trying to harm me, you know, through the lens that I was seeing this challenge that I was talking to my coach about, I was the good guy and this person was the bad guy. My coach matter of factly told me, that person merely had different values than me. They merely were seeing their life through an entirely different lens where they were in fact also the good guy and probably couldn't even understand why I was upset because we just valued different things. And me in my mid thirties and many years into entrepreneurship had never even been introduced this concept before that. opened up a whole new way of thinking for me. So today we have Caryn Gillen who loves talking about values. And this is not news to you Caryn. You're like, yeah, this is what I eat, sleep and breathe. So Caryn is a coach, same audience as me, right? Early service providers in your first like one to six, I think you said three to six years of business. We have the same target audience. I'm sure we have a lot of very similar conversations in our lives and with our clients. except for this one. Speaker 1 (01:15) let's have it today. Speaker 2 (01:16) Yeah. Speaker 1 (01:17) Really like what you just described was like the reason that we do everything is values, whether we are conscious of them or unconscious of them, which is why I think we might as well be conscious of them because they're running everything anyway. Speaker 2 (01:30) So true. Like, okay, here is one that I knew. My husband values, when he's spending money. He values value. So like, he rather pay for something that he perceived to have good value versus something expensive that was exactly what he wanted, for instance, because that value is like such an important thing and he has a hard time paying for something if he thinks that, it doesn't matter if he has the money, if it's if he thinks the value matches the value. Speaker 1 (01:58) Is he the kind of guy who will like drive three towns over to get the thing off of Facebook marketplace, even though you're like, but we don't have time. But it's a great deal. Speaker 2 (02:09) Thank God we live in the woods, so I don't know if that's true. But it still illustrates the point. Speaker 1 (02:16) Yeah. Yeah. So, mean, values are like the gasoline for our car. They drive, they drive everything. They fuel everything. I have a value of spaciousness. So one of the things I like to do is like, I don't like to have any calls until 10 AM. And if I didn't know about my value of spaciousness, there's a line of judgment that could come in, right? And be like, you should be more productive. You're on the West coast. You should be taking early calls because everyone's on the East coast. You should, you you should, you should, but it's like, but what really lands for me and what I value is being able to have a spacious morning before I have to run into my office and hop on a Zoom call. Speaker 2 (02:52) ⁓ okay, one of the best changes I ever made in my business for my mental health was to only do calls on Tuesdays and Thursdays. And that was because, mainly it was because I was waking up stressed, worried I'd miss something. And because, ⁓ you know why? Maybe it's because I value productivity and like calls were interrupting my flow. But like you said. I felt so bad at first, like I'm taking away from my clients. That's not kind of me to only have calls on a schedule that works for me. Speaker 1 (03:25) Mm hmm. Right. When it's like, if I live and this is actual alignment, right? When people talk about alignment, it sounds like fluffy and fancy and like what yoga people get to have. But to actually be aligned and to stay aligned is to live a very disruptive life because it's saying this is who I am and this is how I'm going to show up. And that means other people are going to have feelings and thoughts about it, but you still get to be who you are. Right. So you're. coach was noticing that the other person was like, I have my way of being aligned and Jenna has her way of being aligned. And sometimes those things don't match up. And that's actually perfect. Speaker 2 (04:03) Geez. So the thing that that makes me think of is well-behaved women rarely make history. that quote. So you're saying that in order to live in true alignment, you're gonna upset some people. So hopefully your most major value is not people pleasing. Speaker 1 (04:10) Yeah. not gonna write. I've never met anyone or done values work with someone where we got to the heart of it and they're like, you know what, I'm just here to make other people happy by sacrificing myself. It's never happened. Yeah. Yeah, but that is what it is. Well behaved women rarely make history because they're just making way for other people. And what living from your values and living an aligned life and having an aligned business means is that Speaker 2 (04:35) Okay, well good. Speaker 1 (04:50) I am making way for what I care about, for what matters to me. And sometimes that means other people don't like it. Speaker 2 (04:59) are the first couple of steps in unpacking what our values are and not feeling that guilt or choosing, I guess, choosing to take action anyway, even if we see reasons why value makes us like bad or selfish. Speaker 1 (05:15) Here's the deal, we can uncover what our values are and still not live from them, but at least we have the awareness, right? So ⁓ you might discover all of your values and be like, you know what, because of where I'm at in my life right now, I actually can't do that. Maybe I can't afford it. Maybe I don't have time. Maybe I'm stuck in a really weird situation that I want to work to get out of before I can go be who I'm meant to be. And that's okay. This isn't like blow up your entire life to go live your values, because that's the right way to do it. It's an awareness tool. so that it will help you understand why do certain things feel really constricting? Why do certain things make me feel like they are stepping on my neck? Why do certain things make me lose all of my energy instead of feel vibrant and whole and expanded, right? So a lot of times it's when I am moving into my values, I feel expansive. When I'm moving out of my values, I feel constricted. So that's one way just to get. kind of in your body, familiar with what might be a value for me is like, where do I open up? Where do I lean in, step forward, feel bigger, feel the most like myself? Speaker 2 (06:20) ⁓ interesting. Okay, so most of the ideas that are coming to my head right now and about my values, they are all about work and business, which is what I live. Like I'm obsessed with it all and I do it all the time. But what about if we talk more about like the personal life ones? Could you give an example of where this might show up in say a romantic relationship? Speaker 1 (06:40) Yeah. And I think it's important. Like most of our clients are solopreneurs. We're solopreneurs. So our business values are our personal values. okay. They're not different. the way that can show up, like I have a value for wholeheartedness for me, what that means is I'm either all in or I get to be out even when it's hard. even when it doesn't make sense, because I love community and I love connection, but if I'm not wholeheartedly there, I get to leave. Even though I love commitment and I love integrity, I still get to leave if I'm not wholehearted. So that can be true. I mean, it could be true in your romantic relationship. It could be true in why you say no to family dinner every Friday night and only go once a month, because you can't be there wholeheartedly, but part of you also values family. And so you show up sometimes, but not all the time. Speaker 2 (07:33) Okay, so I think I have thought of one. So you know how some people really value quality time in their love languages and that? obviously enjoy quality time with the right people, but I also put a huge emphasis on just touch points with people. Like, hey, here's a meme, old friend. I'm thinking of you. Here's a voicemail I hear you're having a hard time. No need to get back to me. I don't need to sit down. to have lunch with you. I feel like it's important to me to have touch points with people, but maybe I have some friends, no, I do have some friends who would never send out a touch point or a quick text. They want a three hour dinner and that's what matters most to them. So is that maybe an example? Speaker 1 (08:21) Yeah, yeah, because we all value different things. We all feel fueled by different things. And I think what's really important is what you feel fueled by is individual to you and is right and good. And what your partner or your neighbor or your coworker feel fueled by is going to be different from you. Even if they call it the same thing, it can look different because we define our values differently, but that's right and good for them. And I'm not wrong for how I like to do it. what my system wants and they're not wrong for what their system wants. Speaker 2 (08:53) Hmm. Yeah, that sounds spooky to me to have that much confidence in your belief. Like for some reason is actually really intimidating me. Or is that normal? Speaker 1 (08:55) Right? I mean, I think alignment is intimidating. I think a lot of us spend a lot of time kind of holding it back because to be fully aligned is a very powerful position. And we have to be able to withstand holding that amount of power and that amount of alignment and that amount of truth and trust and everything that the world has to deal with because we're there. Speaker 2 (09:32) Mm-hmm. my next question was going to be, circling this back into business and how it serves us better. But I have told stories on this podcast before and at large that one of the biggest tricks I ever had to growing my social media so substantially was to just show up as is with stains on my clothes and dirty hair and point it out. suddenly people were just like flocking to me, whereas previous to that, I had played with this idea of being a little bit more aspirational or like wearing blazers and being more Speaker 1 (10:05) Did everybody hear what her voice just did? It went like up an octave. It's like, I'm going to go live my best life now voice. Like that's always a tell that you're like making shit up. Speaker 2 (10:10) Yeah Oh, that's a good one. Yeah, I'm going to be like pretty and do my makeup. And then just like the fact is I am not. That's not me. And it was took way more energy to be that. And I thought I should be that because I did something that I never recommend, which is to look at other people who are doing better than industry and see what how and try and guess what they did. And so at the time I had like gone on a bit of a kick of that. Anyway, I changed all of that. started showing up like, this is my messy bun, these are my house clothes and people thought it was hilarious and then it became like my brand. ⁓ Speaker 1 (10:54) And I love it. Yeah. Alignment. Speaker 2 (10:55) Thank you. top of that. funny. Speaker 1 (10:59) That's not what I should do, but that's who I am. So am I willing to show up as who I am and let you see it? And imagine, like you saw it in followers, I'm imagining that that also showed up in revenue, right? Because the more aligned we are, the more magnetic we are. And when we're more magnetic, it's what comes in and also what pushes itself away. Speaker 2 (11:19) Yeah, even in when I teach like the I try and make my experience actually. my God. I just thought of another one. This is enlightening Caryn Speaker 1 (11:28) Good. Speaker 2 (11:31) listener is actually able to reflect and not just distracted by my brain like binging it all, know, ping, ping, ping, but yeah, like I have always really valued being entertaining, making people laugh and creating an environment that is fun. like it, like my program, we produce our group calls. And so a lot of people said that that was extra energy and extra time and other coaches aren't doing that, but we're arranging the questions so that there's a bit of a flow. Speaker 1 (11:32) Thank you. Speaker 2 (11:59) To be fully honest, and I don't know when I tell people this, but if someone comes in and their question is really negative and it seems like they're ⁓ in the pits of despair at that moment, we don't put them first because we know it's going to set the tone for the call. And because of this, people leave the calls inspired. And they actually like showing up. And they're in a good vibe when they're there. So then they're coming up with ideas. we've always valued that element of entertainment to the coaching container applied it. So how are we applying this stuff to our businesses in a general sense? Speaker 1 (12:36) First of all, I'm stuck on your story. I'm like, okay, is that the value of thoughtfulness? Is that the value of curation? Is that the value of production? Is that the value of space holding? Is that the value of experience? Do any of those words land for you? Speaker 2 (12:51) experienced too. And then now if I'm being fully honest, my brain is like, There's also small T trauma of growing up on stage. So I always found value in applause, laughter, all of that. Like I remember one time, no, actually I don't want to talk about church, but I will tell you just off the record that, I sang a song in my church. and the congregation applauded and you're not supposed to do that. Speaker 1 (13:20) In church? You can't clap in church. No, they don't. Speaker 2 (13:22) Don't clap, but they did because I moved them with my song that they weren't used to. And yeah, that was, still one of my like most prideful moments of like childhood is like I made the church clap. So where was I? love it. Applause, entertainment, all of that. And then so would it mean that my value was derived from that? Does that still make it an authentic value if I kind of came to it in a way because of this pressure that was put on me as a child on stage? Speaker 1 (13:52) Good point. So we all have values that are towards values. They're values we want to go towards because we are inherently drawn to them and we think the world's a better place that way. And then we have away from values. So there's a values like, well, should, like, trustworthy is my value. And if I ask why, someone might say, because people should be trustworthy and the world would be a nice place. That's a toward value. And away is like, well, because when people don't tell the truth, it's not okay. And I'm like, well, That's not you being motivated by what you want to create. That's you being motivated by what you don't want to have happen. So that's not actually a top value. Speaker 2 (14:29) Hmm. So like what about, well, because one time I got lied to, so now I. Speaker 1 (14:34) away from value. Right. And so we can find there's probably the roots of something you really want in there, but what you want to parse out is like, is this me creating this world that I want to live in from choice and like goodness, or is it me reacting to my primary family? Like a lot of us that pendulum swings are like, well, I'm not going to be like those people. So I'm going to do all the opposite things. And then it's like, is that you choosing your life or is that you just not being your parents? Like what is the middle ground that you would go for if you didn't have those experiences? Like what really makes you come alive? That's not in reaction to a negative experience. Speaker 2 (15:12) Geez, well, in this case, I love being like that. I love providing our experience. It's gonna be toward no matter how I came upon it. Speaker 1 (15:22) And even like your social media, your podcast, like even the way you started this podcast today, you are taking somebody like into an experience. Like I've never had a podcast interview start out like that way to like dive right into a story. Like this is clearly something that you're interested in, you're into that gives you energy. And that's like what you want to deliver. It's infused everywhere. Speaker 2 (15:42) Yeah, well maybe it's yeah enter or experience. Well, okay, these are bite-sized episodes, but then I get a guest like you and I'm like, maybe it's not anymore. Maybe 45 minutes show. What else do think it's important that we know? Speaker 1 (15:59) I think it's important that you know that, you know, when you go into those corporate buildings and they have things on the wall, like excellence, courage, integrity, and then you go into a meeting with them and you're like, this does not feel very much like integrity to me. Or is that what excellence looks like? And the people who work in the building, like they're like, I don't know what our company values are. You're like, they're on the wall guys. That's not what we're talking about. We're not talking about performative pretty words that look nice on the side of a police car. We're talking about who are you really and how does knowing your values help you create more ease in an already hard life, right? Like we're gonna come up against a lot of stuff in our business that feels confusing or hard or challenging. And when you know what your top three to five values are, you have something to lean on, kind of like a board of directors, like, okay, well, what would whole heartedness do here? Or if I were gonna lean into my value for spaciousness, like what's the answer, right? We have these resources available to us. And I just think if we can lean into them and build our offers from them and price our products from them and respond to client complaints from them and think about who we are on social media from them, that everything gets easier. Not easy, but there's more ease in it. Speaker 2 (17:21) A million percent. Yeah, I have like my life flashing before my eyes. I think I couldn't possibly agree more. So I'm really excited to go do your values assessment. it? What did you call it? A quiz? Speaker 1 (17:38) It's the values equation. it's like, how do I get my next three right fit clients? Because I know my values. So I want to give you guys 50 % off. So it'll only be, I think 22 bucks. Speaker 2 (17:48) my gosh, okay, so we'll put it below this episode. That's so cool. Thank you for sharing your genius with us. This is so fascinating. What a cool thing to be into. Speaker 1 (17:56) Yeah, I love it. It's my favorite. I love seeing how our values walk around in the world, right? And you can see yours, yours are everywhere, right? And that is a sign of alignment and success. And it's inspirational to your clients and to everybody watching. Speaker 2 (18:10) Thank you, Caryn. And if you want to hear more, Caryn, I'm going to read out your handle. C-A-R-Y-N G-I-L-L-E-N. We'll link to that below this episode as well. And you can follow Caryn on Instagram. Speaker 1 (18:24) Thank you. Thanks for having