2025 Recap: Leaving a Toxic Relationship, Buying a Horse, and Leveling Up

Hi angels! Happy New Year! 

In this episode, I’m reflecting on everything that changed for me in 2025 - a year that didn’t look insanely dramatic while I was living it, but insanely transformed my life! I talk about leaving a toxic relationship, buying my first horse, stepping into a more aligned job, growing my income, forming my LLC, and rebuilding a sense of safety and self-trust along the way. 

This isn’t a highlight reel or a “how-to” episode. It’s an honest look at what happens when you choose alignment over survival, peace over chaos, and consistency over intensity. If you’re in a season of change, grief, or becoming, this episode is for you. 

Thank you for being here! 

Xx, 

Shy ♡

Transcript

0:00

Hello and welcome back to Shy Space, where we talk about all things pertaining to mental health and manifestation. You know the drill. My name is Shy. I'm the host of this podcast and I'm so excited to be here with you guys. Happy 2026. Happy year of the horse. Happy season three. So many exciting things to talk about. I took a much needed rest the past couple months to close out the year, and just focus on, some other things that we'll talk about that were going on in my life. And yeah, I just feel really recharged when it comes to this project and just like very in my creative energy and excited to share everything that I'm working on, that I'm learning, that I'm manifesting. The highs, the lows, everything in between, and just providing more value in 2026. For anybody who is curious. Also about my resolutions for 2026. This is the first year that I actually felt like. I saw this on TikTok, so I'm gonna totally quote it. Or maybe it wasn't TikTok. No, it was definitely TikTok. I'm like, what am I saying? I am always on TikTok. Instagram just doesn't compare. I'm never on reels, so it's just not me. It was a TikTok and it said, I'm rich in life this year because this is the first year that I didn't feel like I needed to reinvent myself. I just kept going and that resonated 1000% with me. I was like, wow. That's exactly how I feel. Like in the past I have been so crazy around New Year's where I'll like write out all these goals and all these things and I just won't do any of them. I feel like a lot of people can relate and it's honestly pathetic. It's like, what the fuck are you doing? Figure it out because obviously trying to reinvent yourself every 12 months by writing this super unrealistic list that you're gonna like whip yourself into shape. It's just, that's not it. That's not how you grow. That's not how you succeed. It's about the small daily deposits and the daily disciplines and there's just like so much more to that that I could go on a rampage. But anyways, I'm feeling really good because this is the first year where I actually feel like I've figured it out in 2025. Like so much good shit happened. I manifested so much. I achieved so much. Like I look back and I'm like, oh my gosh, it didn't even seem like it was that big of a year. And then I'm putting together my thoughts for this outline and I'm like, what? That was me in 2025. Like I was lowkey that bitch. I didn't say it. You said it. Gaslighting 1 0 1. Okay. Anyways, so yeah, it's just, I'm just excited. I'm excited to bring all of that into the podcast because for anybody who listens, because they want to manifest more or become more spiritual or just have better mental health, that's where we're at these days. We love that. So I also wanna start first by saying like a big revelation. Oh, I didn't even say what my New Year's solutions were. A-D-H-D ass. This is why I have to have another computer in front of me with my outline, because I literally just go off on these tangents and I'm like, LA, la, la, la, la. And you guys get no value out of listening to me, so sorry about that. The New Year's resolutions. So because I don't feel like I have to just like reinvent myself, at first I was kind of just like, I'm not even gonna do any resolutions because like, I don't need to, like, I. Oh my God, I'm about to go A DHD again'cause I wanna talk about these eye patches on my face. I was like, I don't need to reinvent myself. I'm doing amazing. I just need to keep doing what I'm doing. So let's not put any unrealistic pressure on ourselves. I also have a big bone to pick with just the time of New Year's in general, because it's just so unnatural to think about like, recreating yourself in the depth of winter. Like, are you kidding me? No. No, springtime is actually when the new year begins, obviously come on. It just doesn't take a fricking scientist to understand that. But anyways, that was part of the reason. The other part is because I feel like 2025 was a great year, albeit a very challenging year. Therefore, I just kind of felt like I don't need to put that pressure on myself because let me tell you, if I put more on my plate, like I tell myself that I need to start doing like a hundred situps a day or write a book or something, I'm gonna have a mental breakdown. And I've already had a lot of those in 2025. So, you know, we just wanna keep the good vibes. So I was like, I'm not gonna do that. And then they kind of just crept up on me. Like I just, I didn't even realize and I was just like. Okay. Big goal for 2026: be more present and do more yoga. I already do yoga every week, but I just wanna do it even more. So yeah, those just crept up on me. And now those are my goals. So if you didn't set any goals this year for 2026 or any intentions or anything, please don't feel bad about it. You don't have to in order to be successful. And just because everybody else is doing it doesn't mean that they're actually following through with them. Key note there. What's this that the kids do these days? I don't even know. Slay. Okay. So yeah, just don't even worry about it. And also you still have time to do that if you want to. So no worries there, bestie. Okay. Um, real quick, we do need to talk about the eye patches on my face. I don't know what I'm doing with these. I need to look up what the proper application format is, because I saw Alix Earl put them on this way, and Alix Earl is my tread and true queen. So naturally I'm like, whatever. If Alix does it, I'm just gonna do it. Just blind leading the blind, you know, like I'll just follow aimlessly. I do that with a lot of the things that she influences me with. So, but then I saw somebody else do it too. I think it was Molly Mae, who's my other like tried and true influencer where I'm like, you tell me to walk off a cliff. I just might do it, Molly. I just might so I think I saw Molly doing it. Yeah. And I was like, oh my gosh. Okay. I'm the silly one. I obviously don't know anything about eye patches. I'm not an influencer, so like, whatever, I'm doing it wrong. But when I look at myself close up, I'm like, this just doesn't look right. Something looks wrong. And it can't just be my face. It's obviously the eye patches. Like it's not, it's not me. Okay. It's not me. Okay. So back to the topic of conversation. Coming back to the podcast, I wanna start by saying this. A big change that we've had between 2025 and 2026 is that I'm not coming to this podcast, apologizing to you guys about the fact that I've been MIA because I quite literally don't give a fuck if you're upset about it. Sorry. That is another thing. That's the last resolution I think that I set for myself. Clearly I didn't write them down. Just keeping them up here, which loose file system. So, um was to leave people pleasing in the past because I struggle with that a lot and we're working on that in therapy and just actively so yeah, if you're mad, sorry, needed to focus on the holidays and self-care for a bit, so yeah. I didn't disappear for two months. That's not what we're gonna call it. We're not gonna like. Come back and be like, oh my God, I'm so sorry. Like, I hate that. I used to do that in all my episodes whenever I would take a break.'cause it's just like, you're being weird. Stop. Because what I was doing was integrating, and that's really important. I feel like we don't talk about integrating enough when it comes to growth and change in our lives. We often will go through periods of growth where there's a big spurt and a lot happens and a lot changes. And then we need to take time to settle down and integrate those changes into our, really our cellular level. We have to have time to process and accept it. And so that's what I was doing because really 2025 asked a lot of me, I know I mentioned that already. So I really just needed the space to actually process the lessons before actually talking about them in a constructive and valuable way. I'm not trying to come back with a highlight reel of like, oh my God. Look at all this stuff that I did and it was perfect. My life was perfect. Like, no, it actually fucking looked horrible or felt horrible most of the time. Like a lot of stuff was going on and I was just like you know that thing that Tina does from Bob's Burgers? If you don't watch Bob's burgers. Whatever Tina just moans in agony or like discomfort. That's kind of how I felt all of 2025. So anyways like I said, it just didn't really feel good while I was in it. So I'm not coming back with a highlight reel of, oh my God, this is how amazing my 2025 was. I'm coming back with a new sense of truth and a lot of really good insights that I wanna share with people because when I look back on the year, like I said, it just truly changed everything for me. And it's crazy because you don't realize it's happening while it's happening until it's already happened. Say that three times fast. Okay, let's quickly recap who I was entering 2025 in case you don't know. So at the beginning of 2025, I was exhausted, drained, tired, in a way that sleep does not fix. Uninspired in a way that literally nothing could solve. And there's a lot of reasons for that, but I think the main thing is that I was just stretched super thin, mostly from an emotional standpoint. I was in my horrible relationship and that was just genuinely killing me from the inside out. You know, it's hard to really do well in anything else when. That is like draining you. So I was in a place of hopefulness. I was still really hopeful about my relationship and just everything in my life. Loving super deeply, even though it was costing me so much more than I was receiving. And you know, I was just getting to a point really at, at that point where I was really starting to question myself and. It wasn't all at once, it was just like this subtle chip away process. That started to derail my confidence and my clarity and my path forward. Everything just felt like, blah. You know, just melancholy not good. And so I knew something wasn't right. I knew that I needed to make a change and this goes like far outside of just my relationship, right? There was so many different things that I was analyzing and that I then analyzed once I got out of the relationship halfway through 2025. And so I just knew that there was a lot that needed to change. And basically I think another like big lesson of 2025 was just intuition. This was a huge year of intuition for me. I think, I haven't really had a year like this where I've had such strong intuitive depth with myself, where I just know things and I'm just like, how do you know that? Like, you're fucking psycho. Like you're literally fucking insane. And then it just, it's just, I just know, like I just, I don't know how to explain it. I just know. It's literally a sixth sense. I don't know. It's crazy. It is fucking insane. But it's amazing. Like it's just, anyways, so yeah, I think my 2025 recap card was about building the courage to listen to my intuition. Because that's been the biggest thing for me always. It's just like, is it intuition or is it anxiety? Girl like, I don't know. I don't fucking know. Everything's always, that's always the question mark, so anyways. That's where I was at at the beginning. And then like I said, halfway through things started to change. I left my relationship. I bought a horse, which is literally like the biggest, craziest, it's not the craziest thing. There's crazier things in life, but for me it was crazy because it was just something that I'd been dreaming about and it was a goal I've had for literally fucking forever. So for it to finally come to fruition, obviously was like a huge deal. And it's crazy because I got my horse literally a week before I left that relationship, which is crazy because just the timing. And I also got a new job like a week before I got the horse. So much happened all at the same time. And... Yeah, so anyways, let's go in like sequential order, shall we? So I'd say the first half was kind of a slow, slow start. I was struggling and then like I was, you know, working up the courage to get out of the relationship. And then I did. And then at the same time I was trying to kind of take the next step in life and a big thing that I'd been thinking about was buying a horse. And I got back into riding, which was a big deal for me because I've been riding my whole life basically on and off. I've like worked in the industry for a long time. I used to lease a horse and basically have my own horse. And it's just something that I've always really missed and it's a huge thing that I've wanted back in my life that I've been desperate for. And I no longer wanted to wait for the perfect time. I just wanted it to. I just wanted, I wanted it to be. And so I was like, you know what, we're not gonna do this anymore. We're not just gonna hope and wish and wait and pray and think about it as like this future thing. We're gonna figure out how to take it into today's world. So I did that and I can make an episode about that if there's people that are interested. But I don't think my audience really is horse heavy, at least on YouTube and like the podcast, but maybe. We will see. But for a second we can talk about it because truthfully, it wasn't just a dream come true for me. It was a huge commitment to myself to show up every single day for something that I love that is really challenging and really difficult. And continuing to show up even when it's inconvenient, uncomfortable, expensive, all the things. My horse has taught me so many things. He's taught me discipline, presence, responsibility in a way that like nothing can, and it's just like you, you can't disassociate through care. Like my dog teaches me that on a level, but a horse is like, so next level, especially when they're not just on your property too. Like you actually have to go out of your way to go see them and care for them. Like it's, it's a big deal. And some might be like, oh, well, you pay a boarder to help. So it's less responsibility. I, I don't know. I would argue against that because. It's so time consuming, like the hour that I spend just driving to and from the barn, or hour and 20 minutes, depending on the day and the time. I could do all of my barn chores like within that amount of time if he lived on site with me, I think. Getting into the weeds here, but it didn't allow me to disassociate. I had to be grounded. I had to be consistent. I had to be present. And it was just crazy'cause the universe was like, Hey, you're finally getting your dream. Here's a horse. Oh, your boyfriend's a cheating, lying piece of shit. So now you have a horse and you're going through a breakup, and it just was a crazy mind fuck because I was just like, oh, okay, this is different. My whole entire life routine has been changed. Like it just was a lot. But the best part is that not only does it bring me so much happiness and joy and all the things. It actually changed and continues to change how I see myself, because I no longer see myself as somebody who just wants things and hopes and wishes and pray for them. I actually see myself as somebody who manifests and stewards things and takes action and makes things happen. Which I didn't feel like I was that type of person before. I feel like I was somebody who just kind of sat in the bleachers and was like, I hope that's me one day. You know? And it's like, what the fuck are you gonna do to make it happen, babe? And this is so embarrassing. Like, I would literally, I can't believe I'm about to admit this, especially after the state I was in my last relationship. I always thought, okay, well the easiest path to having a horse and the path of least resistance for my life is just gonna be like when I get married and I have a property with my husband and you know, I do it that way. And then I was like, you know, the older I get and the more that my life unfolds in a way that doesn't align with that, I was like, what the fuck am I waiting for? I ain't waiting on a man to make this happen. There's just no way. Nope, no freaking way. And I'm glad that I didn't because it was funny too. This is how, you know I'm a silly goose. So when I was planning to get my horse, I was obviously in a relationship at the time and he was helping me plan and figure out whether or not it was something that I should do and all this, all these things. And while I was planning the financial side of it and making sure that everything looked good there, I was also planning it as if I was single. So I was planning it like in two ways. Like this is what it would look like if I'm single and I own a horse and this is what it would look like if I'm not single and I own a horse just to make sure that I could afford it. Some people might be like, that's. Smart girl, but like I was just, it's just sad looking back'cause it's like I was in the head space of like, yeah, this is probably not gonna work out'cause my relationship's in the fucking shitter and I just keep trying to make it work.'Cause I'm pathetic. I don't even know. Um, so let's make sure that I'm gonna be okay should I leave this man one day, which was not too long after that. I mean, I started the planning like months before I got him, obviously, or no, I didn't start the planning months before I got him. I started the research months before I got him. I started the planning quickly because it happened very quickly just in terms of like, I found him and I was like, oh, I think this is the horse for me. Yeah, I don't know where I was going with that. So anyways, onto the next week, after Koda arrives, leaving to the toxic relationship, I have a whole episode on that, what I went through and all the lessons I learned from that. It is a big, big, takeaway for my 20 25 year in terms of the things that I learned, especially when it comes to the intuition that I was talking about. If you struggle with toxic relationships. I urge you to watch that or listen to that one because like I said, it was a big growth pivotal point for me. And I hope that people can benefit from my experience and not have to go through it themselves. And I would say too, like I posted a TikTok about this recently on my account for this podcast page. It's called Shy Space Podcast on TikTok, I posted, some tips about what to look out for in toxic relationships. And basically it's just, I mean, like the intuition thing is the biggest one. I really wanna hone in on that. Because when things don't feel right, you need to trust that. And when things seem too good to be true, you need to trust that also. And also just know that like yeah, it's hard to leave a bad relationship, but you have to choose yourself. And if you don't, you're disrespecting yourself every single day. And it's just not, that's just not it. So don't do that, because you'll absolutely regret the time that you wasted staying in a bad relationship. I can tell you that. I know it's like, I feel like my biggest struggle when I was staying in my relationship was like,"I'm gonna regret it." You know, like people deserve second chances, whatever. And it's like, yeah, no, I agree that they do. But I think there's a line, like there really is, there's a line and you know what that line is and you know when somebody crosses it and you know, when you're making excuses for yourself. So like, if you feel like you have to hide things from people or you feel like, I don't know, there's just so many things I can say. I hate talking about that, but I have to because there's so many good lessons that come from it and it's imperative to reflect. I will say too, just a heads up, obviously, getting out of a situation like that, it's gonna feel unfamiliar, it's gonna feel lonely, it's gonna feel really strange, but you're gonna have this sense of calm that follows afterwards. That allows your nervous system to actually be like, okay, I'm safe, and things are good again, and that is worth everything. So just do it. You are strong. You can leave, watch my other episode okay? Mm-hmm. Anyways onto the next milestone. So again, around the same time, I guess we're not going in sequential order because this came first. I got a new job and grew my income even more this year, which was so exciting because I've continued to do that year over year for the past, I don't even know how many years, probably since I graduated, so like six years. So I got a chance to get a really great opportunity at a company doing the exact same thing that I'm doing which is sales. And basically at the same exact type of company, but at a competitor. So I was super excited about that because I felt like this job in so many ways, and I think I talked about this in another episode too, about the podcast and why I had taken a hiatus for so long'cause of my previous job. And this job is just so much more aligned with who I am now, not who I was trying to be to survive. Because in that environment previously I felt like I wasn't myself. I felt like I was just being a people pleaser. I was just trying to keep my head down and just get the job done and not piss anybody off. I want my voice to be heard. I want to make a scene if things aren't being done with the utmost respect of employees and people's wellbeing. I wanna say something when things are not right, and that is not something that I felt like I could do previously and that might've just been all self-imposed. But either way, I stopped feeling like I needed to prove myself and I started receiving and lo and behold, the job fell into my lap. I literally didn't even have to submit an application for it. Like it was amazing. And it's been the best thing ever. I have the most amazing team and just like the most phenomenal experience working there. My last team was amazing as well. So that's not a dig at them at all. It's always hard to leave jobs. Like it was gut wrenching for me to leave that job. But like I said, the dynamic there, I just felt like I couldn't grow the way that I wanted to. And yeah, it just wasn't the right thing for me. So that was a big deal for me. Like I had to leave a job, which was agonizing. I had to get out of relationship, which was agonizing. I bought a horse, which was overwhelming, and you know, then I had to process a breakup on top of all of this. But I will say that as my income grew, or as it continues to grow, I realized that it's not because I'm doing more, that I'm making more. It's because that I'm finally allowing myself to be valued appropriately because I'm finally seeing the value in myself. Big emphasis on that because if you don't see the value in yourself, no one will ever pay you what you deserve or you think you deserve, period point blank. And that leads me into my next milestone, which was and is forming my LLC. Yay. So I've done this before. I did a little LLC in California when I was self-employed and doing some consulting work, and now I have formed a new LLC that is. Shy Space, which is so exciting. So I've officially legitimized Shy Space, and now my plans for 2026 are to build onto Shy Space and actually turn it into a real business. More to come on that. There's a lot of things that I'm working on and I'm so excited. I don't really want to talk about them in this episode because we're talking about 2025 recap. But that is something that I did in 2025. I did it like in fall. And yeah, I just feel like that was the moment that I just stopped treating my dreams, like hobbies. I entered a coaching program at the same time. I forgot to mention that, but that kind of like coincides with this. And I just decided you know what? This matters. I matter. My dreams matter. My goals matter. Like now is the time. There is no like, again, it's like the horse thing. What are you waiting for? Do it. Take a step. Do something, fail, figure it out, fail forward, you've got this. Just do something like life is short. I don't know. I had to stop waiting for permission. I feel like that has been my thing. Again, just like waiting on the sidelines, waiting in the bleachers. I'm legitimizing myself from here on out. And Shy Space is officially a business baby, so we're gonna start raking in the cash. Anyways, so yeah, that's a really exciting one. I can't wait to talk more about that, and I will, but it's gonna include a lot of different things. So it's a very multifaceted project, but obviously the podcast is one of them. One of the last things that happened to me in 2026 that I manifested was a new car and really excited about that because I had been wanting a new car. And it's funny because I seem to like unintentionally manifest cars in a very strange way. Like literally, this is obviously completely unintentional, but like I seriously manifest cars, like the most bizarre way. Like I had a car that I had a recall on and then I had to get a new car and I got an even better car. Like it's just a, it's very weird the way that I attract new cars into my life. I will say too, like the getting a new car really symbolized stability after all this chaos. I feel like it was a really big step up into this next chapter of me and myself and building a business, owning a horse. Just like entering an older era of myself, I don't know. I just like, I got an SUV, I was like, okay, this is a big change. It just, it feels really nice. It was really exciting and it also felt a lot safer for me and just continues to, on a daily basis, like I feel safe in that car. And I feel like that symbolizes positive forward motion and trusting that I'm being carried forward and not just surviving. And also actually again, just feeling safe in general.'cause I felt so unsafe in my last car And it just reminded me that like life is precious and that's a gift in itself too. So it's just a crazy concept. And I think because I'm a chaotic person sometimes it tracks that, you know, I would have a chaotic manifestation. So anyways, quick recap of how I actually got here, because I will say that none of this happened just because I manifested harder or hustled more like I actually really dropped a lot of my manifestation techniques in terms of like how much time I was devoting to those things, and yet I still had such a successful year. So that goes to show how much power is just in thought and in the mind and the energy that you embody on a day-to-day basis as opposed to any rituals you might hold. However, if the rituals get you into a good energy place, then those are important. I would say that what really changed things for me is the different choices that I was making when I was starting to feel uncomfortable, and also setting boundaries instead of explaining myself was a big one, and just learning how to regulate my nervous system instead of forcing motivation and forward motion when I don't feel ready to do that. I also chose consistency over intensity, which is a huge, huge, huge win for me. That's not something that I do easily. And I will say also that owning a horse has mirrored everything back to me. Like they are such powerful creatures that teach you so much about yourself. And I have revelations on a daily basis about myself without even trying. It's the craziest thing. Horses they're amazing creatures and they don't respond well to chaos. They only respond well to clarity. Just like life. So they really do teach you a lot, which is just amazing. So I'm very blessed to be able to spend every day or most of my days with my sweet boy. But anyways, quick recap. What 2025 has changed in me is teaching me that walking away is actually growth, and not throwing in the towel. That being at peace doesn't mean living a boring life. And that you can also grieve and grow at the same time. So that's all I have for you guys today. I love you so much. I appreciate you for listening to this episode, especially if you made it to the end. Thank you so much for your time. I hope you have an amazing rest of your day, night, morning, whatever it is, wherever you are, and I look forward to seeing you in my next episode. Thank you. Bye.