Breaking generational cycles as a first gen Latina: How to get rid of guilt (that was never yours to carry).

Ever leave the family group chat and end up Googling “how to stop feeling guilty” or “how to set boundaries with family”?😄 You’re not alone!

This one’s for my first-generation Latinas who are breaking family cycles, healing the mother wound, and still hearing “I didn’t raise you like that!” in the back of their minds every time they say no, rest, or dare to stop being the family savior. 

If you’ve been feeling like you don’t belong, or battling that sneaky little thing called success guilt, girl, pull up a seat.

We’re not here to shame Abuela or bash the entire lineage. We’re here to talk about how to overcome guilt, deal with impostor syndrome, and stop feeling like the black sheep of the family just because you want peace, boundaries and success…on your terms. Let’s finally start living the life your family came here and sacrificed so much for you to have. 

☎️If this hit a little too close to home… it’s time for a Strategy Call!

A 1:1 session with me where we untangle the guilt, drop the pressure, and figure out what you actually want, without burning it all down.

If you feel like you don't have it all figured out, you're in the perfect place to co-create your next move with me! Click here to book a call.

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Transcript

What do you do when you've built the life that you are told to aim for and something still feels off? If you've Googled things like how to stop feeling guilty, how to appreciate what you have, am I wrong to want X, Y, Z? Or if you've even thought those things, then this is for you.

You probably don't realize it, but you have been stuck in a guilt loop since you were a kid.

Like when you would get good grades, but your cousin didn't. So now you felt bad for shining too bright. You wanted to downplay your wins so that nobody else felt bad,

or this is an unpopular, controversial one, but when you didn't wanna hug that uncle or that family member that made you uncomfortable. And you got met with Es. You have to be nice to him. He loves you. Go give him a hug. But you knew something was off so you felt guilty about it,

Or when you had to be, become the family helper before you were even a teenager with the responsibility, like translating things, being the one who's responsible for making sure that everyone understands their medical needs.

That's a lot of pressure. And you feel guilty to take that pressure off of yourself because you're so used to it now.

And for [00:01:00] anyone who dared to move out. Now, this is probably a religious thing too, especially in my family as a Mexican American, you did not move outta your house before you got married.

That was disrespectful. That was, what do you wanna go do? Party. You wanna go sleep around? Is that why you wanna move out? Like that was such the norm, and I know not just my family and many people that I've talked to.

So all of these things that you wanted, every time you wanted to spread your wings, you just felt guilty about it, or you were guilted out of it. So you just followed the path. You just followed the expectations, you checked the lists,

but now you're an adult and you likely have kids, or you're married and you're reflecting. Now you've done the work, you've done some internal stuff, you've done the hard work, and you're like, wait a second. I feel like I'm stepping away from everything that I know and have been taught, and that can be kind of like a quarter life crisis moment there because you're like, wait a second, who's wrong here?

Does anyone have to be wrong? Am I wrong? Is my family wrong? Can we actually be able to live in harmony with very different views and perspectives? The answer is yes. [00:02:00] Yes, you can live in harmony and no one's wrong. People can only meet you as far as they have met themselves. Your parents are not gonna get what you wanna do.

They're not gonna get your vision, they're not gonna understand your dreams. Like leaving med school to become an artist or leaving accounting to become a ballerina. Like that's insane. But that is the American dream as it's packaged right. That's what they came here for. The freedom. The freedom to be able to choose.

, but when you make your choice, you are guilted out of it or guilted into choices you don't wanna make.

So when you can recognize that your vocabulary's different, your habits are different. Your mentality is different, your goals are different. Then you start feeling guilty. 'cause it's like, well, I still love them. I don't want them to feel bad. They're just not at the place I'm at. But I feel guilty for feeling different.

Girl, that is the point. You did all that to be different. You're doing all that to be different now, to grow so that your kids can see a different life than what you saw. There's nothing wrong with that.

And I wanna remind you that [00:03:00] guilt is not a personality trait. It's not who you are. It's just an inherited belief. An old wiring in your brain, think of your brain like a filing cabinet. It's a file that's all the way in the back, but it is still there.

And the thing is, it gets baked into your nervous system when in your whole childhood you were taught love equals performance. And I'm not talking about ballet and all those things. I'm talking about being who you're not liking, what you don't doing what you don't wanna do.

That's performance. And this is where things like the mother wound come in, boundaries, worthiness, all of those things.

They're all linked to the guilt that we are taught, and then there's the guilt of. Surpassing what your family has done. The guilt of doing it with ease. When you saw them work two and three jobs and now you're able to just sit in front of a computer all day and charge people $5,000 a month, it's like, whoa, this feels so wrong.

For some reason, even though it's what I've worked hard for, even though it's what my family wanted for me, it feels off.

So [00:04:00] how do we start letting go of this guilt?

My name is Tiffany. I am a life coach for Latinas who want to break generational cycles and start building a life that feels like their own. I love working with women in this way because what you need is a permission slip, a permission slip to know that you don't have to be guilty for wanting more or wanting less.

You don't have to be guilty for feeling things different and approaching things different than how your family does. You don't have to feel guilty for saying no, that's a big one. You don't have to feel guilty. For questioning things. That's a big one too. Especially if you were raised Christian like I was, you don't question anything.

You just take it at face value because anything outside of that is what disrespectful.

So how do we move forward out of this guilt loop? We have to start letting go of proving and lean into belonging. Get out of circles where you're constantly having to prove yourself. Whether they tell you it or you feel it, get out of those circles. And sometimes it will start to [00:05:00] get lonely because you are breaking cycles.

You are the first domino. There's no pattern for you to follow. And it could be a lonely period of time, but that is the stage where I come in and coach you. I tell you that you're not wrong for these things, I show you a clear path to take that feels good to you without having to cut everybody off.

Because when we go to that extreme, then it still feels inauthentic because that's not who we are. We were raised to cherish family, community, love, connection, and when we feel like the only answer is to cut everyone off. We still don't feel satisfied because it's not how we were raised in a good way,

it's not our values. It's not what we would truly want. So we have to build that balance and whatever that looks like for you. Start thinking in abundance. And I'm not just talking about financially, I'm talking about with your time, with your goals, with your dreams. Get out of survival mode and fight or flight.

Get out of burnout in any little pocket of your life. I'm not saying that you're completely laying in bed every day. Of course you're not. You're, you're a Latina, you're getting [00:06:00] things done. You're a mom. You never stop. But that doesn't mean that you're not in functioning burnout. You're not in functioning other things.

Surviving, was never supposed to be the end of the story. You were built for so much more. You can see so much more for yourself, but you feel like you're just walking too far ahead of those you love. Be the one to lead. You've led your whole life. You've been the leader of the pack your whole life.

Be the one to lead what you actually want. And you'll be surprised how many people start following in your footsteps. The TIAs, the aela, the cousins, the neighbors. You are gonna give people so much courage to do the things that they are holding back on, and it's gonna be the most beautiful ripple effect.

Now if any of this hit you in the chest, you're not alone. You're probably an eldest daughter, first gen Latina, high achiever, career woman, entrepreneur, best at all. She does.

And you've already done so much.

So I want you to unwrap the guilt from your wins, from your wants, from your worth,

and subscribe to this podcast [00:07:00] because it's going to help you break those generational cycles, interrupt the voices. Interrupt the patterns. Stop the voices that tell you that you haven't done enough. That you haven't earned enough, that you haven't earned rest. It's gonna be so freeing for you from guilt, generational pressure, the need to prove, perform, play small.

It's for the women who are already powerful already doing the work, but now you want something deeper. Peace, clarity.

I am literally the strategy and clarity queen when it comes to getting you to where you want to be in a way that feels good, in a way that's practical. And so this is going to start building a life joy that feels like yours

because what we're not gonna do here is just drown in trauma. In shaming others, in shaming the generations before us. We're not doing any of that around here. We're here to live in abundance and peace, and gratitude, and in power, in control, in fulfillment. Those can all go together up in here, in this place.

[00:08:00] In my podcast. All of that gets to be harmonious. You are gonna reclaim your time, your voice, your right to want more. Because we're not just breaking cycles.

We are building lives that feel like home. So welcome home to your life, to your vision, to your dreams. I'm here to support you.