How to build self trust and emotional intelligence in kids through conscious parenting: Breaking generational cycles as a Latina woman/ Episode 7

If you’ve ever been called out for having a helicopter parenting style or faced the gentle parenting backlash from Hispanic parents, this episode is for you. 

As a Latina woman, I know what it feels like to parent in a way that goes against the grain of Hispanic parenting, And I also know the benefits of leading with conscious parenting and raising kids with emotional intelligence.

In this episode, I’m sharing how I hold self trust when the critics say gentle parenting is ridiculous or that this is all "soft parenting". Because we know that breaking generational cycles matters more than keeping everyone comfortable! 

We’ll talk about the power of helping kids process big feelings, and how to break through patterns of bad communication skills that so many of us inherited.

If you’ve ever felt the inner struggle between doing what your family expects and what you know is great parenting for your kids, pull up a seat. You’re not here to keep the peace, you’re here to lead with love and clarity. And this conversation will give you permission to do just that!

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Transcript

There's a topic that comes up all the time with my clients and even in my own family, and it's. When the TIAs or the elder Latina women, I have referred to all the elder Latina women as TIAs. No one's Tia in particular, but when they start calling you things like a helicopter mom or implying that you are overprotective of your kids, and this has definitely been something that I've had to set boundaries on because.

The way I parent is definitely different than my family, how they've done it or

the way I was raised, the way it was normal to raise kids back then. And even now, and it's a part of conscious parenting. I sometimes refer to it as gentle parenting, but I think I'm more along the lines of conscious parenting. There's some slight differences, but. I give them choices instead of demanding obedience.

Yes, my kids are two and five right now. They have choices. I explain the why behind the boundary instead of just saying re or because I told you to.

I validate their big feelings, their tantrums.. I name them. And I teach them how to regulate. I teach them. It's [00:01:00] the cutest thing to hear my son tell me, mommy, are you frustrated? He's the, he's the 2-year-old and he'll say, mommy, are you frustrated? I'll say yes, and he'll say, Yeah, me too.

but the way our generation is parenting is very different than what we saw. So we're learning to do something in real time, and this is parenting with emotional intelligence breaking cycles in real time. And it definitely looks different. And, hello, we're Latinas. We're gonna get opinions about it from other Latinas.

The.

And you are breaking cycles not only in your parenting, but in your leadership, in your business, in your life, in your community, and you need this sort of support to let you know you're not alone.

One of the distinctions in our parenting nowadays is that we don't want to just rule with fear, but this gets misinterpreted as we're trying to be their friend. We're not trying to be their friend. What I'm trying to do is to be the one who shows them what safe love looks like in the dynamic of a parenting relationship, but they will learn to understand what this means in the context of any [00:02:00] relationship.

Love was really confusing as a kid. Sometimes

one mistake, one tantrum, one question that didn't sit well with your parents. And it was like, oh, I'm gonna go find another princess. Nevermind. No. Oh, you don't wanna give me a kiss? Okay, I'll go find someone else. And then you run after them. No, I wanna be your princess. And it was just this whole .

Dynamic of confusion when it comes to love and trust me, that is playing out right now in your life as we speak.

We have come to understand that love has to be earned even when it makes you uncomfortable. That's a whole nother story. That's a whole nother topic we can talk about, and I probably will in a future episode. But the dynamic you learned about love as a child is still playing out in your relationships.

It's preventing you from growing because of the fear of losing the love that you were taught to earn.

And that's what makes this so hard for us sometimes, because we're literally doing what no one around us has modeled for us. We're actually doing the opposite,

and so the questions come into play, am I doing this wrong? It would be so much easier just to give him a, you know, why [00:03:00] am I making life so hard? But when you can see those moments, like my son that says, mommy, I'm frustrated. Mommy, I'm scared, and he's only two years old. That makes me so proud because there were many times where I was just so confused about what I felt emotionally because I felt one thing, but I wasn't allowed to display the emotion.

I thought one thing and I was told, no, it's not that you're fine. And it just makes everything so difficult to process.

And real talk. I break all these rules sometimes I am not perfect. I am a Latina with a short fuse sometimes, and honestly, most of us are very overstimulated moms, and the kids are very intelligent and persistent kids, and that can be a combination for Draining your patients quickly, right?

But it's not about being perfect.

And there have been times where I say things like, because I'm the adult, you know, because I just don't have the mental energy to explain and break it down. That doesn't make me a bad mom. It doesn't crap on all the other efforts I've been doing. It just makes me a human.

And that's something that I actually [00:04:00] talked to my therapist about one time and I was like, I'm feeling this certain thing and I feel like such a jerk because I'm feeling that. And he says, that doesn't make you a jerk. That just makes you human. And I was like, oh, that's right. I am a human. I don't have to be perfect.

I don't have to get everything right all the time. But we as Latinas have such a high standard for ourselves. Most of the time it's an almost impossible standard

that we forget that we're allowed to make those mistakes and that we don't have these major consequences that we were taught we would have. We can just move on from these things and learn.

And the reason we parent this way is because it's about raising people who don't have to spend their thirties unlearning everything that's been normalized because no one could speak up before us like we are many of us. And yes, this generation is facing a hard and cruel world, but they're gonna know how to speak up.

They're gonna know how to feel deeply and they're gonna know, most importantly that they are worthy. Of love, of friendship, of forgiveness, of imperfection, of everything, their heart desires,

and [00:05:00] that it can't be taken away

just because they're human sometimes.

And this is exactly what I coach my clients around. How to hold your values even when everyone before you, everyone around you has done it differently because your motherhood gets to look different. Your leadership gets to sound different and your life gets to feel different.

If you're listening to this and you've ever felt that tension or you're currently feeling that tension between doing what you know is right versus what's expected, you're not alone. This is part of the identity work I do with my clients, so that your life, your relationships, motherhood can actually feel like yours, not like you're just repeating a cycle that you never agreed with to begin with.

And when it comes to the TIAs, to your family, to your coworkers, to your siblings, let them talk. You are doing it right because it's right for you. And if you want support in this, then let's work together. And we can start with a strategy call in the show notes.

So check that out.

You are not here to raise perfect kids, be the perfect mom, or live a life that checks everyone else's boxes. [00:06:00] You're here to build a life that feels good to live in. And to model that and to model that for the kids that are watching you, you're already doing the brave thing. They can see it.

They can feel it. And I'm actually excited to see 20 years from now, 30 years from now, when my kids have kids. And see the way that they are going to interact in society, in their jobs, in their confidence. , Because of the seeds that I'm planting in them now, I wanna encourage you and empower you to do the same, and I'm here to support you if you need that accountability, that encouragement, and that practical plan.

To be able to start breaking the cycles that no longer serve you.