Success Secrets and Stories
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Success Secrets and Stories
The Leadership Shift: Learning to Lead Yourself First
In this episode, John and Greg talk about what separates good leaders from truly transformational ones? The answer lies not in strategy, but in emotional intelligence—the leadership superpower hiding in plain sight.
The article by Stuart Andrews, executive coach and author of "The Leadership Shift," presents a compelling case that mirrors the teachings of Dr. Durst's MBR program: you can't effectively lead others until you've mastered leading yourself. This inside-out approach to leadership starts with self-awareness and radiates outward through thoughtful communication, empathetic listening, and genuine team engagement.
The journey begins with personal accountability. Leaders who showcase values, continuous learning, and self-care naturally inspire others. The next critical step involves asking thoughtful questions that create space for diverse opinions—not just seeking agreement. As we explore in the episode, truly influential leaders know when to speak and when to listen, understanding that "you're given two ears and one mouth for a reason."
Self-reflection emerges as a vital practice for leadership growth. Through dedicated quiet time examining your thoughts, actions, and impact, you develop wisdom that transcends mere knowledge. Many successful leaders incorporate meditation or structured reflection into their routines, focusing on questions like: "How do I feel right now?", "What lessons can I learn from my mistakes?", and "How supportive am I of others?"
Perhaps most courageously, emotional intelligence demands seeking genuine feedback. When team members trust that their honest assessments will be valued rather than punished, they become invested partners in the leadership journey. This feedback loop creates continuous improvement while transforming responsibility into ownership.
The leadership insights shared throughout this episode aren't just theoretical—they're practical tools for immediate application. Whether you're leading a small team or a large organization, emotional intelligence provides the bridge between where you are as a leader and what you're meant to become.
Ready to transform your leadership approach through emotional intelligence? Listen now to discover how self-awareness, empathetic communication, and genuine connection can elevate your leadership impact. Share your experiences or questions with us at authorjaw.com—we'd love to hear how these principles are working in your leadership journey.
Presented by John Wandolowski and Greg Powell
Welcome to our podcast Success Secrets and Stories. I'm your host, john Mogulowski, and I'm here with my co-host and friend, greg Powell. Greg, hey everybody, yeah, so today we are going to be talking about a gentleman and an article that I found. His name is Stuart Andrews and he had a very interesting article that was related to leadership and it resembled a lot of what Dr Durst talks about in his MBR program. Very interesting article that was related to leadership and it resembled a lot of what Dr Durst talks about in his MBR program.
Speaker 1:Stuart Andrews is a very successful consultant, executive coach, and his message is very much to the point. His website is wwwstuartandrewsme and he's been busy doing this for years and I thought what was interesting is that he's also written a book, the Leadership Shift, and it's a great book. It's an opportunity for trying to understand what he's talking about. But what really intrigued me at the beginning of looking at the book was a thing called emotional intelligence and it's the leadership skill that changes everything. As he defines it and it goes through the different points that make up this concept that he's trying to relay. Points that make up this concept that he's trying to relay. The first one is start by leading yourself to showcase of values and accountability, continuous learning and self-care that piece of investing in yourself, asking thoughtful questions, encouraging diversity of opinions and viewpoints, to engage in active self-reflection we're going to talk about that a little bit later, but to schedule regular moments for self-reflection, to keep a journal. Next is to get to know your team, talk to others, listen intently, prioritize communication and empathy, keeping the lines of communication open and being transparent about the decisions, the changes and the challenges. As you see me going through this list, these are the things that Dr Durst talked about. A lot of people talk about. It sometimes is called common sense of leadership, but it's not and these elements are things that you need to apply.
Speaker 1:His next point is empower your team members. Trust in your team, encourage autonomy and, without a doubt, that is probably one of the most important things is in order to delegate is to empower them. Seek feedback from your team. I don't know how many times Greg and I have talked about feedback, but yes, that's a key element to schedule a regular check-in, and not annually, much more frequent than annual. Individuals should find it as a welcoming atmosphere in order to have that feedback and that exchange. I'm going to put a star in front of this one. Listen more than you speak, fully focus on the speaker and avoid interrupting them. Star, without a doubt, probably the most important thing that you can gather from emotional intelligence is the ability to be a superstar as far as a listener. And probably the most important element of that to ensure that you're actually doing these functions is to become more self-aware, to observe oneself and to act accordingly and humbly.
Speaker 1:A lot of what I've just talked about are things that make sense if you find a leader that is actually engaged in the process of leading. He goes on in the article and he starts off with if you can't lead yourself first, why should anyone else follow you? Your leadership breakthrough starts inside, not outside. You work hard, you lead meetings, you solve problems, but why doesn't it feel like your team is connected? They're disconnected, they're distant, even resistant. Here's the brutal truth. You can't lead others until you've mastered leading yourself.
Speaker 1:And I just want to step back for a second and just talk about that statement.
Speaker 1:And I just want to step back for a second and just talk about that statement and, looking at it as far as my first supervisory job, it became clear that I needed to understand that element and change.
Speaker 1:And when I went and worked for Johnson Johnson, the first thing that happened was they gave me a description that was basically this list, but it's a description of what the army considers a requirement to be a leader, and I found that as an enlightening kind of piece of it. And the other part that Johnson and Johnson did for me is send me to the class with Dr Durst. So it was a wonderful jump. I'm going from being in the trucking industry to being in manufacturing for Johnson and Johnson. That jump of career, that was the perfect transition and it's the kind of things that you have to look at as a leader, especially if you're giving an opportunity for somebody to stretch and grow in a position. You have to give them some kind of starting point to understand how to make that transition work. To understand how to make that transition work, greg, from your experience, what would you add to the concept of leading that element of teaching?
Speaker 2:So for me, john, it's a story. I remember the first day of my supervisory job. It was a packaging function at a distribution center and fortunately I was scheduled for training in the second week. But the first week I was shadowing a supervisor. I watched how she carried herself with the team on our shift. I watched how they responded to her and how she spoke to them. She was confident, she was poised and it came through in her delivery of work tasks and assignment. I knew being a supervisor was more than just being given a title, and I was only three or four years older than most of the people I was supervising. Although my first week was shadowing a supervisor on day shift, the next week I was solo with my team on second shift. My company provided good leadership training, but I had to make sure I was leading myself to make it all work, and I got better over time.
Speaker 1:Maybe you can bring up the next point that came from the article.
Speaker 2:Thanks, john. So most leadership breakdowns aren't because of a lack of strategy. Right. People put the time together, put a plan together. They happen because of emotional intelligence. The real leadership superpower is missing.
Speaker 2:That is emotional intelligence. Emotional intelligence may sound soft, but it is strong. It's what separates good leaders from transformational ones. So think about that. Good leaders, that's okay, but those that can transform the organization or take us to another place, that's what you're ultimately looking for, and today we're going to give you the emotional brew plant that turns influence from forced to natural. So think about how to build leadership from the inside out actionable steps to deepen connection and trust, and practices you can use that create real loyalty, not just compliance. So let's give you a peek at the game-changing shifts you're going to discover.
Speaker 2:First, I've already said it, but start by leading yourself. Are you asking others to do what you wouldn't do yourself? I hope not. Show up with accountability and a hunger for growth and real, real self-care. The second one ask thoughtful questions, not just plain bland questions, but questions that reflect you're really thinking about what's going on here in the workplace. Are you creating space for real, serious, honest conversation or are you just checking the box the best leaders make room for diverse opinions, not just agreement. And the third one become more self-aware. How often do you check yourself before checking others? Remember they say check yourself before you wreck yourself. Well, there's a little something to that. The more aware you are of your actions and emotions, the more you're going to get respect from your team.
Speaker 1:Yeah, you know, when I, when I was looking at this article, what I thought it was just amazing is how it really mirrors Dr Durst's book.
Speaker 1:And when I've asked Dr Durst about some of the questions of writing the book being the cause, he said, john, it's common sense at some level and it's hard to teach people common sense but it's also understanding probably the most important part being able to see what you're doing and be aware of what you're doing, being in the now. As he puts it, that's probably the most important thing that you want to do and it's like these are the basics. It's like the blocking and tackling of a football team. You need to do these things in order to at least be productive as a leader and saw those kinds of skill sets being demonstrated rather than being taught, and you can learn that. But sometimes it's helpful if you kind of get the sit down and get the information, things like emotional intelligence, and this book by Stuart Andrews is actually one of the reasons that I thought this would be a very good subject to talk about. Greg, do you have any observations?
Speaker 2:Sure do, John. Again another story from the ancient past. As a leader, you can't go through the motions and just hope it works out right. I remember having productivity numbers to hit, quality standards to meet. As a supervisor, you can't make those things happen unconsciously. It's like a bad scene from an old I Love Lucy episode. Right, you take your eye off the production line and it all goes haywire with products strewn everywhere. So as a leader, you have to be fully engaged in your leadership role and make sure you're fully clued into the responsibility that goes with it.
Speaker 1:All right, I think you got another list.
Speaker 2:I do indeed so. Number four listen more than you speak. What are you missing? Because you're too focused on your next response? Maybe a little bit too much active listening, anxious listening, right? Listen more than you speak. Real listening builds loyalty faster than perfect speeches. That's interesting, yeah. Number five engage in active self-reflection. When's the last time you actually sat down with your own thoughts without judgment? Right, it's probably been a while. Regular reflection fuels wisdom, not just knowledge. We know there's a difference between the two. And number six seek feedback from the team. Are you brave enough to hear the hard truths? We always say feedback is a gift. Feedback isn't a weakness, it's a leadership. Situation in action, john.
Speaker 1:Yeah, yeah, but you know, I think listening more than you speak is a common thing for both of us and we've talked about this in other podcasts. There are so many leaders that like to hear their own voice. It's just not even connecting with the audience. They've lost them when they started off at the beginning of the speech. Being able to see yourself and being able to engage in self-reflection is really a talent. It's really a taught process and something that is worth your effort.
Speaker 1:The underlying message is to be aware of how you're coming across to your audience and understand the body language and those things in terms of eye contact and all the things that sometimes aren't verbal are visual. You need to see that as you're going through any of your presentations. I've given recommendations and I thought I gave a very clear path on what I wanted done, and I'm watching my team walking out the door and I can see the head shaking. No, it's like oh geez, and then you'll end up doing the right thing is following up on a one-on-one and making sure you clear up whatever there was for confusion, because you did a lousy job of your presentation. You never stop observing as you're going through the meeting.
Speaker 1:The last point is probably the most important point. Asking for feedback of your team will give you a much clearer perspective on how you're being received. If your team is truly afraid of you, you're just going to get yes or no answers. If the team trusts you, your feedback is going to be engaged, both in the positive and the negative associated. And that is what you see as far as leadership. And if you also find the people who are giving you that kind of information, those are potential leaders that you have within your team. Those are the signals of someone that's engaged.
Speaker 2:Greg. You know, John, to me it's like that old saying you're given two ears and one mouth. Use them proportionately. That way, I like that one. So filling the airwaves with my velvety pipes doesn't accomplish much if I'm not doing a good job of listening to my team and subsequently leading them. You've heard me say it a lot Feedback is a gift, and I truly believe that Constructive feedback is invaluable and if you listen and act on it, great things can happen. I see seeking feedback as part of courageous leadership. Yeah, yeah.
Speaker 1:So game changing shifts that we're talking about he has. The seventh one that he's bringing up is get to know your team. Do you know your team's dreams, their struggles, what lights them up? And those are the parts of things of engagement. Leadership is personal, it's not just position. I just want to stop there for a second.
Speaker 1:And, yes, that's the essence of it Empowering your team to trust your team enough to let them fly. Autonomy transforms responsibility into ownership, and if the people that you're working with understand that they own it, they take responsibility for the results. There is the essence of what your job is really entailed to try to do Create that sense of ownership, to prioritize communication and do it with empathy. You are being transparent about the storms, and it's not just about the sunny days. Openness and empathy turn employees into mission-driven teammates. They're not employees.
Speaker 1:So that is basically the setup in terms of all the things that he is describing as emotional intelligence, and I think it's a pretty good list. It does a pretty good job of supporting it, but it implies a couple of things that I think Greg and I would like to talk about. It talks about reflection and meditation and the ability to try to do a better job of seeing how you come across, to make sure that you're engaging a team and you're getting things like feedback, and I think it's a perfect jumping off point to talk about how do you do those things in terms of preparing yourself and, greg, with your experience within the HR department, I think you've worked with this subject of helping people to be more self-reflective. Maybe that would be an opportunity. What did you see?
Speaker 2:Absolutely, john. This was really interesting. My last company some years ago embarked on this mission for leaders to be more reflective and it was somewhat of a foreign concept for folks because we did a lot of things in teams a lot of couples, duets, triads, whatever. We worked together a lot, but really we're trying to build that team. But my boss was really into reflection because he did it himself and so because he did, of course the rest of us are going to give it some serious thought.
Speaker 2:Self-reflection didn't come natural to a lot of us. There were several leaders and these are people who have been around for a while, have led pretty good-sized organizations and projects. They wanted to self-reflect together. They wanted to pair up, and if you do that, because it's not a good idea, you're not really looking at your own issues, your own opportunities, and you're actually trying to create some community that you don't really need for right now. You need the community in your own head about reflection, and I can attest that it did fuel personal wisdom.
Speaker 2:Although sitting with your own thoughts can seem daunting, there's a lot of value in the periodic exercise and once we got good at it we were able to sit down and then, of course you document. You kind of put a little note together of what you discovered, date it, and then maybe you do it again a month from now or whatever. But really looking at yourself, being critical of yourself, being willing to say you know I could have done that better. Okay, what would I do differently? If you don't take the time to do that, it won't happen on its own, john.
Speaker 1:In the summary of his article. He puts it as a very interesting straight up statement, trying to make a point If you want to lead with real influence, lead yourself first. Emotional intelligence isn't an option any longer. It is a bridge between where you are as a leader and what you're meant to become, and for me, I think this is one of those articles that it just rings for me to be true, and I think we've talked about the elements in terms of how to take this to the next step. Greg, maybe it'd be interesting, just for the sake of clarity, to take a look at meditation and self-reflection and how they compare.
Speaker 2:What's the difference between meditation and self-reflection and how they compare? What's the difference between meditation and self-reflection? So meditation is the act of freeing the mind of thoughts, of emotions and behaviors, which can lead to greater self-understanding. Right, that's meditation. Self-reflection is the act of deliberately that's right purposefully thinking about one's self-actions, your own actions and thoughts. You want to use that to help define the event or the action, and then what approach you're going to use to address the action. So here's how it works Setting, imagine yourself in a quiet, comfortable space where you can sit or lie down with your spine aligned for optimal energy flow and there's some breathing that goes on here, too, let's talk about that.
Speaker 2:Breath work Take slow, deep breaths, focusing on your breath and body sensations A term that's become very popular recently. Mindfulness Observe thoughts and feelings without judgment, gently redirecting your focus to your breath when distractions arise. Reflection Spend time reflecting on your current state of being, your experiences and any insights that might come up. And then, finally, self-compassion End with a moment of kindness and self-appreciation, acknowledging your journey and the growth you've obtained. So examples or prompts for self-reflection during medication could look or sound like this how do I feel right now? What qualities do I appreciate about myself? What are my thoughts and feelings about a specific experience I've had and feelings about a specific experience I've had? What lessons can I learn from my mistakes? Sometimes we need to do this a lot more than we do Revisiting what values are important to me, how supportive am I of others and what am I specifically doing to improve myself?
Speaker 2:The benefits of self-reflection, mediation, increased self-awareness that's understanding your thoughts, your feelings and your motivations. Second, emotional regulation learning how to observe and manage your own emotions. Third, reduce stress and anxiety right. We all want that. You want to cultivate inner peace and calmness. Fourth, improve decision-making right as a leader, that's, you want to cultivate inner peace and calmness. Fourth, improve decision-making as a leader. That's real important to you Making choices align with your values and your goals. And finally, enhance self-compassion, showing kindness and understanding to yourself.
Speaker 1:I also think that meditation is part of what I do in terms of prayer and I see a lot of the similar elements of self-reflection in prayer and it's just another form of understanding that you can meditate and you probably have been meditating but give yourself some idea of goals, of what you're going to spend that time to be self-reflective and those those things in terms of, for me, prayer, for trying to be more self-compassionate and showing kindness. So that kind of gives a wrap of the idea of emotional intelligence and a little bit about what we were trying to help you to understand how meditation can help and enhance that end result. So, if you like what you've heard, yeah, my book is available on Amazon and Barnes and Noble. Our podcast is available on Google, apple, spotify and what you're listening to, thank you.
Speaker 1:The things that we've talked about in terms of Dr Durst and his MBR program is available on successgrowthacademycom and if you want to get a hold of us, you can contact us on the website authorjawcom, and the music has been brought to you by my grandson, so we want to hear from you. You have helped us with our program and the ideas that we talk about, and it is the part that Greg and I appreciate.
Speaker 2:So thanks Greg, Thanks John, as always. Next time yeah.