Stop Saying: "It’s Not My Fault"

“It’s not my fault” can be a fact, but it’s also a trap. When teams lead with explanations instead of ownership, responsibility gets diluted, problems get escalated, and leaders turn into bottlenecks. John Wondolowski and Greg Powell break down how that pattern forms and why it’s so common in otherwise smart, hardworking organizations.

Greg and I use Dr. Durst’s Management By Responsibility (MBR) model to translate the behavior into something you can coach. You’ll hear what the conformance level sounds like in real workplace language, why the core motivation is often safety and approval, and how an external locus of control fuels blame shifting. Then we contrast it with the achievement level, where people still acknowledge obstacles but stop hiding behind them and start taking initiative, stating intent, and delivering results.

We also get practical about what leaders can do next: replacing blame questions with coaching questions that drive action, using SBAR (Situation, Background, Assessment, Recommendation) to turn long explanations into clear recommendations, and building psychological safety that holds up under pressure. The takeaway we keep coming back to is simple: responsibility is not about blame, it’s about power.

If you want your meetings to shift from excuses to plans and your culture to reward accountability, listen now, share it with a manager on your team, and subscribe so you don’t miss what’s next. If it resonates, leave a review and tell us: where does “it’s not my fault” show up most in your world?

Transcript

Welcome And The Excuse Trap

SPEAKER_00 0:13

Well, hello, and welcome to our podcast, Success, Secrets, and Stories. I'm your host, John Wondolowski, and I'm here with my co-host and friend, Greg Powell. Greg? Hey everybody. And when we put together this podcast, we wanted to put out a helping hand and help that next generation. And help answer the question of what does it mean to be a leader? Today we want to talk about a subject that I think supports that concept. Today's episode is titled Moving Beyond the It's Not My Fault Trap. And this is one of those phrases that immediately gets a reaction because we've all heard it. And if we're honest, most of us have said it at some point in our career. You hear it in different forms. This report is late because IT didn't update the software. Or I could have finished the project if it wasn't for Jane leaving the files. Or maybe it's not my responsibility, I was never told to do that. On the surface, these statements don't sound unreasonable. But in fact, in many organizations, this type of explanation is almost expected. People are trained, often unintentionally, to just defend and explain rather than own the problem and solve it. But this is the world of management by responsibility. And leadership framework developed by Dr. Durst handles this type of language and tells us something very specific. It signals a mindset operating at what we call the conformance level. Today, Greg and I are going to explore what that really means and why otherwise capable and intelligent managers get stuck. And they're most importantly how leaders can coach people out of this mindset into the achievement level, where ownership, initiative, and results begin to define performance.

SPEAKER_01 2:25

So, why this topic matters, think about unity versus conformity. Before we get into definitions and models, I want to pause for a moment and talk about why this matters so much. Organizations don't fail because people are lazy. Most failures happen because responsibility gets diluted. When everyone is explaining why something didn't happen, instead of focusing on how to make it happen, progress slows to a crawl. The it's not my fault mentality isn't just a personal issue. It becomes a cultural one. When excuses are tolerated or even rewarded, accountability disappears. And when accountability disappears, performance follows. That's why this conversation isn't about judgment, it's about growth.

Conformance Mindset Heard In Language

SPEAKER_00 3:15

Yeah. So let's also define what it means to be a conformist level employee. Because that term can easily be misunderstood. A conformist is not a bad employee. In fact, many conformists are reliable, loyal, genuinely want to do a good job. They follow rules. They meet expectations. They avoid unnecessary conflict. On paper, they often look like a solid performer. Defining a feature of a conformist level person is motivation. At this level, primary motivation is security and acceptance. Individuals want to be seen as doing the right thing. They want approval from authority. They're trying to avoid mistakes. Not because mistakes are costly, but because mistakes make them feel personally at risk. Being wrong feels dangerous.

Motivation Control And Rule Protection

SPEAKER_01 4:15

So think about language as a diagnostic tool, and think about that tool being a Swiss Army knife. You start off with creativity, imagination, mental stimulation, planning, abstraction, analogies, and reasoning. One of the easiest ways to identify a conformist mindset is to listen to the language being used. Language reveals how a person thinks about responsibility. When something goes wrong, conformists often respond defensively. Their first instinct is to explain why it wasn't their fault. You'll hear phrases like, I wasn't told to do that. That's outside of my job description. You know, they wouldn't listen to me. And that system didn't work. So if you contrast that with someone operating at the achievement level, achievers don't deny obstacles, but they don't lead with them either. Their language sounds more like this here's the obstacle we ran into. Here's what I'm doing to work around it. Here's the solution I'm implementing. The difference isn't intelligence or skill, it's ownership. Let's talk about core motivations. At the conformance level, level three, motivation is driven by approval, safety, avoiding being wrong, and of course avoiding negative attention. But at the achievement level, level four, motivation shifts towards results, competence, problem solving, and winning. Achievers are not reckless. They still care about rules and systems, but those things are tools, not shields.

SPEAKER_00 5:56

And remember, there's really five levels. We're talking about the levels that really are in this quagmar that we talk about a lot. But then there's the element of internal or external control. And I've heard the term locus of control and focus of control. Julian Rodder in 1954 came up with this description of location of responsibility for your success and failures, and she used the term locus. For me, it's it's focus. But without getting into the terms, a conformist operates at an external focus of control. They generally believe success and failure is determined by factors outside of themselves. It's the bosses, it's the coworkers, it's the policies, it's the resources, or it's just luck. Achievement type individuals operate with internal focus of control. They believe in their actions make the difference, their decisions, their strategies. That's what's influencing the outcome, even if it's imperfect. This doesn't mean that achievers ignore reality, it just means that they ask different questions. Instead of asking who stopped me, they'll ask, what can I do next?

SPEAKER_01 7:14

So let's get into rules, permission, and fear. Rules play an interesting role at the conformist level. Conformists tend to follow rules rigidly, not because they're inflexible people, but because rules provide a sense of protection. Because if something goes wrong, the rule becomes a defense. I did exactly what I was told. At the achievement level, rules are still respected, but they're understood in context. Achievers follow the spirit of the rule, not just the letter. This shows up clearly in decision making. Conformists ask permission constantly. Can I do this? Is it okay if I try that? While achievers state intent, I'm going to move forward with this approach. Here's what I plan to do. Tell me if you see any risks.

SPEAKER_00 8:14

And it is needed, but it's also part of the identity. Feedback also reveals a mindset, conformancy, validation. They want reassurance that everything's okay, that they're liked, that they haven't messed up. Achievers see optimization. They want to know how to improve, refine, and execute better. This shift reflects a change of identity from someone who wants approval to someone who wants to master whatever it is that they're being involved with or working with.

SPEAKER_01 8:47

So, how to spot the shift in real time? You'll know a manager is moving toward the achievement level when something subtle but powerful changes. They stop explaining why something didn't happen, and they start presenting what they're already doing to fix it. At that point, they're no longer trying to be a good soldier. They're trying to be a high-performer.

SPEAKER_00 9:10

I remember at a certain time where I had an achiever boss that would say, bring me answers. Don't bring me problems, bring me solutions. That's that mindset of ownership. But conformists rely heavily on excuses because excuses provide protection. At this level, being wrong feels unsafe. Mistakes feel personal. So people develop defensive habits to preserve their sense of security. One of those habits? Blame shifting. When something fails, responsibility is pushed outward to people's systems, circumstances. Another habit is the rule-based justification. The rules become the shield. I just followed the process. It was in the manual. And then there's the external focus of control. The belief that the outcome are dictated by forces beyond their influence. Luck is a wonderful example. It's just bad luck. To move beyond this level, the individual must shift from seeing themselves as a victim in circumstances to seeing themselves as the creator of outcomes.

SPEAKER_01 10:24

So the cost of the it's not my fault culture is. Well, before we go any further, it's worth talking about the organizational cost of allowing the it's not my fault mindset just to persist. When excuses become normalized, several things happen almost immediately. First, problem solved being solved at the level where they occur, or we used to say decision at the lowest effective level. Instead of ownership, issues get escalated upward. Leaders become bottlenecks, not because they don't they want to be, but because the organization has unintentionally trained people to hand off responsibility instead of working through it. Second, trust erodes. High performing team members quickly recognize when accountability is unevenly applied, when one person consistently outholes outcomes while another consistently explains them away. Resentment spills. Over time, this creates disengagement among the very people you can least afford to lose. Third, innovation slows. People who fear blame will avoid risk altogether. They won't even experiment, they won't suggest alternatives, or challenge broken processes. Safety becomes about avoiding mistakes rather than improving systems. An organization stuck in the conformist level may look stable on the surface, but underneath, it is fragile.

SPEAKER_00 11:52

And you know, intelligent people get stuck at the conformist level. One of the most common misconceptions about the conformist level is that it reflects a lack of intelligence or capacity. It couldn't be further from the truth. Many conformists are extremely smart. They understand the jobs, they know the systems, and they can often explain the problem in great detail. What holds them back isn't knowledge, it's risk tolerance. Conformists have learned, usually through experience, that mistakes carry consequences. Maybe they were blamed publicly, maybe they were punished for speaking up. Maybe they were watched by someone else taking that risk and paid for it. Over time, they internalize a simple rule. Stay safe is more important than being effective. And once that belief is in place, excuses are laziness. That's their armor.

Coaching Ownership Without Ignoring Reality

SPEAKER_01 12:55

So the difference between explanation and ownership, let's talk about that. There's an important distinction we should make here, especially for leaders who worry that encouraging ownership means ignoring reality. Ownership does not mean pretending obstacles don't exist. Actually, ownership means acknowledging obstacles without surrendering responsibility. So for example, the system was down, so I created a workaround. And here's when you will have the report. Now that's ownership. But both statements recognize the same reality. Only one moves the organization forward.

SPEAKER_00 13:33

So language. Leaders often unintentionally reinforce conformist thinking through their own language. When a manager brings you a problem and you respond with, why didn't this get done? Who dropped the ball? What happened here? You may think you're holding people accountable. In reality, you're inviting defensiveness. A more effective coaching approach sounds like, what's your plan to address this? What have you already tried? What support do you need to move forward? These questions redirect energy away from blame towards action.

SPEAKER_01 14:19

So why does the SBAR work so well for conformists? You know, SBAR is situation, background, assessment, and rec and recommendation. So let's look at that framework more closely. Conformists often overwhelm leaders with background information. They'll spend 10 minutes explaining how a problem happened and 30 seconds suggesting a solution, if they suggest one at all. But SBAR flips that pattern. By requiring a recommendation, SBAR forces the individual to step into leadership thinking. Explaining the problem is not enough. What do you recommend we do? Now over time, this goes confidence. People stop waiting to be told what to do, and they start arriving with answers.

SPEAKER_00 15:02

And then there's the element of the emotional side of ownership. We also need to acknowledge something that doesn't get discussed enough in leadership conversations. And that's just the emotions that are involved. Ownership feels risky at first. For someone operating from the conformance level, admitting a mistake can trigger fear, embarrassment, even shame. That's not a weakness, that's just being human. Leaders who want real growth must create the space to feel comfortable without rescuing people from it. That's an important point. Growth doesn't happen when you remove all the tension. It happens when people learn how to survive it.

SPEAKER_01 15:51

So testing leadership consistency. Something interesting happens when you begin creating psychological safety. Because people will test it. They'll bring small issues first, then bigger ones. They're not being difficult, they're checking for consistency. Will you react the same way when the mistake is visible? Will you still support ownership when it's inconvenient? Consistency is what turns safety from a slogan into a culture.

Psychological Safety Plus Practical Next Steps

SPEAKER_00 16:22

And just those words alone. We've seen that play out in the in the workplace. And Greg and I can see how that piece of culture and emotion really affects people in terms of how they interact. So what's a long-term payoff of accountability? Well, meetings change. Instead of long explanations, you start getting clear updates, clear action plans. Instead of finger pointing, you'll get cooperation. Instead of silence, you'll get initiative. People will stop asking, is this allowed? And they'll start asking, what works best? That's the achievement level in action.

SPEAKER_01 17:04

So moving beyond achievement, one final point before we wrap this section up. The achievement level is not the end goal, it's a transition point. Once people are consistently owning outcomes, the next challenge becomes being responsible for others, not just tasks. But you can't skip this step. You cannot build responsible leaders on top of excuse-driven thinking.

SPEAKER_00 17:30

And here's one takeaway from the episode: it's responsibility is not about blame. Responsibility is about power. The moment someone stops saying it's not my fault and start asking, What can I do? they regain control over their outcomes. That's when leadership begins.

SPEAKER_01 17:54

So let's talk about coaching the transition with open-ended questions. How do you coach this transition? Instead of solving the problem for them, you ask, What options do you see? What's within your control? If this were entirely your responsibility, what would you do next? Now this approach does two things. One, it challenges the conformist mindset. And two, it gives permission to step into ownership without fear. The goal isn't to trap someone, it's to empower them.

SPEAKER_00 18:30

And growth accelerates when people create goals that they own. It's easy to comply with goals that are assigned. It's much harder and much more powerful to commit to the goals that you've chosen. That's where encouraging managers to define their own measurable objectives is so effective. Ownership changes everything.

SPEAKER_01 18:55

So I would like to go over feedback one more time. Feedback is critical, but it must be specific. Generic praise doesn't build confidence, it builds dependence. What builds confidence is recognizing behaviors. Behaviors like taking initiative, asking better questions, owning outcomes. You're reinforcing identity, not just results. And none of this works without psychological safety. No conformist fear disapproval. Without safety, they will never admit to mistakes. And without admitting to mistakes, their growth stops. Leaders must create environments where learning is allowed and ownership is rewarded.

SPEAKER_00 19:46

Early in my career, I learned this lesson quickly. In one of my first meetings, I made my top priority safety, that there was no job that was worth getting hurt. And if anyone is pressuring you in terms of compromising safety, you can tell them to call me. Now that message wasn't symbolic, it was a structure. What it told people was I trust your judgment, your safety matters, and I'll support you. When people believe that basic concept, responsibility follows.

SPEAKER_01 20:25

One of my favorite examples of leadership, John, is when you publicly owned a mistake during a major operational issue. And instead of defecting the blame, you accepted responsibility and presented a solution. Weeks later, senior leadership pointed to the moment as the standard. Ownership builds credibility faster than perfection ever will.

SPEAKER_00 20:48

Yeah. And you know, failure is failure is the part of learning. But I tried to push it that you only want to learn those lessons once. Repeating the same mistake without reflection is avoidance. True accountability is a balance of grace and expectation.

SPEAKER_01 21:07

So to move someone from conformist to achiever, you must help them stop litigating blame and start exploring options.

SPEAKER_00 21:17

And that's the heart of MBR management by responsibility. The reason we created this podcast, this conversation resonates with you, then you have got to the point as a leader where you know you need to grow. Keep practicing, keep growing. And really, that's the fun of why we do what we do. So if you enjoyed what you've heard, I've written a book called Building Your Leadership Toolbox, and we talk about tools like this. And it's available on Amazon and Barnes Noble and other sites. The podcast is what you've been listening to. Thank you so much. It's also available on App, Google, and Spotify. A lot of what we talk about is from Dr. Durst and his MBR program. If you'd like to know more about Dr. Durst, you can find out on SuccessGrowth Academy.com. And if you'd like to contact us, please send me a line. That's wando seventy-five periodjw at gmail.com. And the music has been brought to you by my grandson. So we want to hear from you. Drop me a line. Tell me what's going on. What you like, and what you would like to hear about. It has always helped us to create content. Thanks, Greg. This was fun.

SPEAKER_01 22:36

Thanks, Josh. As always. Next time.

SPEAKER_00 22:39

Yeah.