The Flynn Skidmore Podcast

How To Know What You Want In Life

December 27, 2023 Flynn Skidmore Episode 23
How To Know What You Want In Life
The Flynn Skidmore Podcast
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The Flynn Skidmore Podcast
How To Know What You Want In Life
Dec 27, 2023 Episode 23
Flynn Skidmore

In today’s episode, we begin to understand what you actually want in the life and how to get it. We dive into the importance of knowing what you want, being specific, what gets in the way of what you desire in life, strategies to access internal experience, trusting your taste and preferences, the vision for the rest of your life, the opportunity to see yourself as an artist, getting clear on the energy you want to exchange, owning what you like, and becoming an energetic asset.

If you want to go deeper and explore the ingredients to a fulfilled life, sign up for my newsletter where I am spending the next 6 weeks teaching you about the 7 ingredients to immense happiness.

You’ll learn about learning to feel and loving yourself, Olympic-level accountability, claiming your creative mastery, spill-your-guts truth-telling, keeping agreements, and how to spend your life feeling good.

Connect with Flynn:


Submit your written reviews to THIS form to be entered into a giveaway to win a 30 min session with me! We'll pull 1 winner at the end of the month.

Join my Free 7 Day Course "How to Identify and Heal Unconscious Wounds" HERE!

Here are 3 ways I can help you:

  1. Online Community
  2. Small Group Coaching
  3. 1:1 Mentorship


Show Notes Transcript

In today’s episode, we begin to understand what you actually want in the life and how to get it. We dive into the importance of knowing what you want, being specific, what gets in the way of what you desire in life, strategies to access internal experience, trusting your taste and preferences, the vision for the rest of your life, the opportunity to see yourself as an artist, getting clear on the energy you want to exchange, owning what you like, and becoming an energetic asset.

If you want to go deeper and explore the ingredients to a fulfilled life, sign up for my newsletter where I am spending the next 6 weeks teaching you about the 7 ingredients to immense happiness.

You’ll learn about learning to feel and loving yourself, Olympic-level accountability, claiming your creative mastery, spill-your-guts truth-telling, keeping agreements, and how to spend your life feeling good.

Connect with Flynn:


Submit your written reviews to THIS form to be entered into a giveaway to win a 30 min session with me! We'll pull 1 winner at the end of the month.

Join my Free 7 Day Course "How to Identify and Heal Unconscious Wounds" HERE!

Here are 3 ways I can help you:

  1. Online Community
  2. Small Group Coaching
  3. 1:1 Mentorship


Hello, and welcome to the Flynn Skidmore podcast. My goal is to help you become exactly who you want to be. We are here to help you take your biggest, boldest, most beautiful vision for life and turn that vision into reality. Welcome back to the Flynn Skidmore podcast. Today we are discussing how to know what you want from life. In my last solo episode where I was discussing the six things you need to know about your unconscious, one of the major themes is this idea that in order to train your unconscious to become familiar with what you actually want, what you want to experience, you have to be highly, highly specific and you have to speak in the affirmative. Most people speak about what they want in terms of what they don't want. I want to be, uh, I want to have money because I don't want to be poor. I don't want to be anxious. I don't want to continue attracting emotionally unavailable people. Most people are trying to create a life for themselves defined by what they don't want rather than Stepping into like a very clear, pristine, precise version of reality where things are very specific and very clear and where a person can see in their mind exactly what they want and they're able to swiftly bring that image into reality. That's what I want you to be able to access and that's what today's episode is all about. So here's how we're going to break this down today. First, we're going to talk about what gets in the way of you knowing what you want. Like, what are the three major things that get, that make it so difficult for you to know what it is that you want. Then we're going to go into three components of decision making because getting what you want, knowing what you want is about decisions. It's about which options to pick, how to know what to decide. And then we're going to go into the three ingredients that go into being a person who's operating with a really confident and bold sense of what they want and wants to confidently and boldly bring what they want into life. Okay, so what gets in the way of you knowing what you want? Here are the three, three components to this one is judging what you want to is a belief that you might be broken. And then the third one is not having a framework to understand what you want. So judging what you want. We also discussed this in the podcast about the unconscious. My favorite, my favorite, the clearest way of saying this comes from a guy named Neval Ravikant. I love Neval. He grew up in the New York City public school system. That sounds like I might know him personally. I don't, but I would love to, um. Ended up becoming really successful. I think he was 1st or 2nd generation. I think his family's from India ended up becoming super successful and has spent the last almost 10 years kind of. Becoming this person who shares. Life lessons, and I love his life lessons. He's very well considered. He's very well read. I love his perspectives and he says this very bluntly, which he can kind of get away with us. Like, you know, given his life story, he says, if you hate rich people, and if you hate money, you're always going to be poor. You've heard about, you've heard, you've heard this, I'm sure a bunch of times, like if you see something that speaks to something that you want on some level, but you're operating with programming that tells you to judge and to hate and reject that thing, then you're never going to get that thing. Um, you're judging what you want externally. Sometimes people judge what it means to even want something. You might think that it's selfish to want something, and that you're somehow supposed to put yourself in this energetic and spiritual place where you are devoid of any desire and you want for nothing. I'm telling you, like, I, I, I know that that is kind of like, that's it's, I, I was in that place too, where that's the way that I was interpreting spiritual ideas and books. I just don't think that's right. I don't think that the wisest people from thousands of years ago were actually talking about not having desires. I think that either they were, if they were, I think they were wrong or we've along the way misinterpreted them or, or the, the core message got lost in translation. It's beautiful to have desires. Desire to having desires is like, it's this fundamental principle of the universe. Every single organism has a goal. We have some super interesting research taking a look at this. Uh, it's in the realm of, um, bioelectricity. Like, we can, we're starting to see now that each, every form, every organism has. It's like ideal shape that it would like to take its ideal form. This is from a field called morphology. And there's a guy named Michael Levine, who's doing amazing work with this stuff. And that form exists somewhere in what we might describe as the ether in some field that exists in the, in the world of light and electrical activity. There's like a goal that this organism. What's to become and express in three dimensional form, and then that form becomes that thing in three dimensional reality, like the shape of it, the form exists somewhere in the field of light and electricity and bio electrical activity before it actually becomes form, and we just see this over and over. Like, we see this in all organisms. Every single thing has a goal. And in every moment of your life, you have a goal. It putting it in the most basic possible terms. Your goal is to feel good. 1 another way of saying is that is your goal is to access love, safety and belonging. Another way of saying it is that your goal is to access. Well, being there's there's a whole variety within well, being there's joy, bliss, exuberance, enthusiasm, excitement, zest, all wonder curiosity kind of like the Bob Ross palette, like all these different colors you can pick from within the. The overall palette of well being, but you always have a desire. And I think what so many of us have been programmed in condition to do is to deny ourselves of our desires because we're, we're judging others for their desires. And we're judging ourselves for what it means to have a desire and the implication of what of having a desire. Like, oh, that means I'm not doing spirituality. Right? I, I think that what spirituality actually is, is being like a crystal clear signal to receive your most beautiful desires and be able to. I don't want to say effortlessly because there's like, you want it to be challenging and hard, but with this experience of joy and pleasure and delight, as you bring your most beautiful vision into reality, I, I just, I just so deeply encourage you to choose to be a person. Who gets over judging what you want, judging what it means to, for you to be a person who wants something and judging what other people want. And that, that's one of the most important parts of it. It's so easy to look externally and to be like, Oh, they're not, they're not doing what's real. Like that's not real soul work because they want money and materials. Like when a person is operating. Through saying that kind of stuff, I know that that person has a very limited awareness of what it means to actually want something. Because the truth is, is that all of this is about feeling good. It's about moving in the direction of energy and nourishment. And each person has their own unique individual. Energetic, energetic signature and for one person, like pursuing material items might actually be energizing and only that person can know that only that person can know, is this thing actually working to produce the desired intended result? The desired intended result is not. Having a like handmade ceramic coffee mug, the desired intended result is what it feels, what the internal experience is like when you touch it and interact with it and put your lips on it and see it in your cabinet. Like it's the desired internal experience and whether or not this thing gives you energy and the more energy you invest. Judging other people for the strategies they're engaging in, uh, to produce energy or to produce some kind of internal state. The more you'll deny it in yourself. We'll learn a little bit more about what I mean by strategies a little later on number 2. Am I broken? So many people, many of us, me included, we all have this. We have this like, we have this. Fear that somehow we're broken. I, I bet I would bet my life that none of you listening to this are broken. You are the great, the most adaptable dynamic technology that the universe has ever invented. I think that that's probably true. Um, you are a highly complex organism who. Responds to and becomes whatever it practices you respond to, and you become the inputs from the external environment. You respond and become not not the facts of the inputs from the internal environment, but truly the way that you interpret. Uh, the facts of the internal environment. That's that. There's the external, the external environment. There's your interpretation, which is like your cell membrane, which chooses what comes in and what doesn't come in and how it comes in and what you do with the information when it comes in. And then there's your internal environment. Your internal environment is the product of this relationship between your internal and your external and how you're interpreting it. You, you just become the thing that you practice and the interpretations that you practice and what you put into your body. And when you expose your body to something over and over, your nervous system rewires, your circulatory starts that system starts to operate differently. Hormonal systems start to operate differently. Your thinking operates differently. You just become the thing that you do over and over and over. I just, I truly would be willing to die on the bet that you are not broken and that you can become Anything that you want to become with very, very few limitations. I mean, maybe like faster than Usain Bolt, probably not going from anxious attachment to confident and secure 1, 000, 000%. Yes. I think no matter what has happened to you in your life, but many people. Uh, they don't believe in this adaptability. They're like, instead of, instead of looking at the principles of the universe and just seeing like, you're not, yes, you're a person. Yes. You're a human being. Yes. You're your story. But you're also just the expression of universal dynamics and principles and you're this. Thing that adapts. That's it. Like that. It's very simple actually to see the patterns and the principles and the habits of the universe. And the more you see yourself as just this, this, the expression of these principles that exist, the more you put yourself, the more the, the, I guess what it is is like the more courage and confidence, the more courage and confidence you grow. That you can just put yourself in positions, and you will transform as a result. But a lot of people have this fear that they're fundamentally broken. And if they were to own the truth of what it is that they want, and what they like, and the life that they want to live, and then they go for it, and they fail, then they'll learn that they were broken all along. And that idea is terrifying. So rather than Risk that risk that tremendous disappointment. What they are doing is trading off and choosing mild disappointment instead of like, earth shattering disappointment for me personally, I would much rather have the earth shattering disappointment and actually die as a result of going for it rather than spending. The next 30, 40 years of my life with mild disappointment, and then likely to develop something like heart disease and or Alzheimer's, you are not broken. You are not, not, not, not, not broken. You are the most adaptable dynamic organism the universe has ever invented. And you get to make choices about what environments you put yourself into. You get to make choices about your interpretations of the environment. You get to make choices about what you create internally and that seems to be different than any other thing that exists that we know of in the universe. Okay. The 3rd thing. That gets in the way of, of knowing what you want is not knowing how to know what you want. So a lot of people are ready to, they're ready to move past those 2 things. They might be aware of them in themselves, but they're ready to, like, take the next step, go for it, become a person who knows what they want. So let's, let's move in that direction. Now, again, knowing what you want is about. It's about decision making. It's about what, what decision am I going to make here and, and what does life look like when I string together millions and trillions of decisions that are optimized for my, let's call it my highest self or optimized for my well being and the well being of everyone around me, what, what happens when we live a life where we, where we put together A string of a trillion decisions that are informed by pretty sound processes to be able to make your best guess at what is in, uh, to your, to your highest benefit and the highest benefit of everyone. You love everyone around you the whole world. So, let's go into that. I'm going to, I'm going to, I'm going to give you these 2. so there's a logical framework. There's a understanding options. And then the last 1 is the most powerful. So. Logical framework. This comes this, uh, neurolinguistic programming NLP is really, really good at explaining this. So I'm, I was always the type of kid who like never remembered dates and names. So I don't remember who came up with NLP. I think it was two people. It was, uh, it's like a cognitive scientist and a, and a, um, linguist. Like it's a person who studies language. NLP, Neuro Linguistic Programming, is this incredible modality. Um, I, I find it highly, highly useful. And, and I think the story of it is, is one of the people who's involved, probably the cognitive scientists, was at some point a cosmetic surgeon. And he was noticing these patterns of people coming to him to get nose jobs. And they would get the cosmetic surgery and they'd be, and they'd get it. Their nose would look great. And they were as miserable or not more miserable than they were before the nose job. So he started to pay attention to this pattern and he started to realize, Oh, people don't know what they actually want. People think they want a nose job. People might even think they want to be more beautiful, but they don't know what they actually want. They don't know the internal experience that they're looking to have and they're not evaluating the options available to them to see what thing is going to be the most effective for producing what they actually want to have. So let's take and this is like, this is the beauty of this framework. Where we get to step outside of the realm of judgment and critique and just look to apply all wonder and curiosity because like if you're, if you have judgments about what it means to want a nose job and you interact with the person who wants to a nose job, because that's the thing that they are hoping is going to get them what they want. And you're judging that you're never going to be able to help that person get to the core of it. And the reason that you can't help them get to the core is because you yourself don't see the core. You don't see the underlying desire there. So the more you judge that, like the, the, honestly, the less powerful of a person you are, the less influential you are, the less able you are to make change. But let's, let's take, uh, someone who, who might run a nose job. So let's say they come to you. They're like, yeah, this is what I want. I want my nose to look this way. I hate that it looks like this. It's just okay. Okay. Let's tell me about that. What's that going to do for you? Well, I'll feel more beautiful. Uh, I, uh, men will be more attracted to me. Um, I'll like my outfits better. I'll like, like my Instagram content better. Okay. Let's, let's take one of those men are more attracted to me. Okay. So let's say men are more attracted to you. What does that do for you? What's that? Like, if, you know, with certainty that more men are more attracted to you, uh, well, that gets and I'll just speed the process up, but that gets me more opportunities for dating more opportunities for husbands that person might even say, like, I might get to meet a wealthier man. I might get to meet a wealthier man and we'll say, okay, well, let's say you get to meet a wealthier man. What does that do for you? And you keep asking that question without judging any of it. Maybe that person says, I want to be like, I want to be a billionaire and I don't want to have to do any work for it. What does that do for you? What would that be like? Keep asking, keep going, keep exploring, delightfully exploring until you get to the core of what this person actually wants, which is the feelings they're hoping to get as a result of having. Like a husband who has somehow earned a billion dollars and the way that they got that husband was by making themselves marginally more attractive by getting a nose job. Like, that's what's happening is the nose job is a strategy. Dating is a strategy. Marrying a billionaire is a strategy traveling on a yacht throughout the Mediterranean is a strategy go into parties with the richest people in the world who are on the like, major tennis tournament tour. Going to see Wimbledon, and then the French Open. That's a strategy. Everything is a strategy that is hoping to access an internal experience. The tragedy of the human experience is that most people are not aware of this, and they're not using strategies that are actually working to produce the internal experience that they want. And then we judge. Each other for that. And then when we judge each other for that, then we set people up to defend themselves and the strategies that they're choosing rather than meet them with curiosity and tenderness and like, fun, like, get to like, have fun learning about what this person is hoping to feel and who they hope to be. And when you do that with other people and yourself. Like then you create the environment where a person is like, okay, well, what I want is joy is getting a nose job, the best possible, the best option available for me. And then marrying a billionaire, is that the best possible option available to me for accessing joy? Is joy is, or is that coming from a part of me who's conditioned to believe that joy is not available? Until I'm ultra wealthy, because maybe I grew up poor or if they're like learning certain lessons about money and joy is not available until I have that, but is that actually true? What part of me believes that meeting those things with kindness with curiosity and then and then assessing the options available, like, maybe, maybe for a person, they're already filled with joy and they like the experience of crafting their face and that's joyful for them. They see it as an art project and that's what they want to do. Incredible. If that it doesn't matter if it's right or wrong. It doesn't matter. Like, don't be a person who operates through the lens of that's right or wrong. Be a person who's curious about the internal experience that this other person wants and curious about whether or not what they're doing is working. And I mean, actually curious, not like skeptically curious because you have a judgment about like what people should do to their face or not, like actually curious. And if this person is like, yeah, I love how I look like this, this, this is really fun for me to craft my face like this. And I'm really have considered this and I, and I. If I think that this is a sustainable practice of joy for the rest of my life, then that's incredible. Like, that's beautiful. I'd rather be friends with that person who's like, who, who gets work done on every single inch of their face or, you know, whatever it is, we're just using that as an example. Example, who's aware of what they actually want and is engaging in practices to generate what they want. And they're, they're checking in with themselves and they're being honest and discerning to see if it's actually working to produce the internal experience. They want much, I would much rather invest my energy in that person. No matter, really, no matter what they're doing than a person who. Operates with a shallow level of awareness who doesn't get curious about the underlying motivation, the core motivation, the internal desire. So the logical framework here that we're speaking about is learning about what you actually want the feelings that you want to have. And starting to see everything that you do, every word you say, every choice you make, um, every like, everything is a strategy. The friendships you want to operate with how you dress like the podcast, you create the business. You're great strategy, strategy, strategy. And to, to try to access an internal experience, what we like to do is we color these internal experiences with emotional language. So like, for instance, safety is not necessarily an internal experience. What we want to do is learn about what you actually want. So when you perceive yourself as safe, what is happening in your body? What's that? What's that like? Then you might say, okay, well, I feel grounded. I feel relaxed. Okay. That's much better. Because remember going back to the unconscious thing. Your unconscious is not going to figure out what safety means for you. You've got to be super, super specific. And though words are always a bastardization of the internal experience we're actually having, they're always a step or two removed. We can get as close as possible to what we actually want by using emotional language. Felt language, defining what we want through like body informed words, joy, groundedness, relaxation. Okay. Got it. That's what I actually want. Now I'm evaluating the options available to me to see what thing is most, that seems most likely to produce that internal experience. And then over and over and over and over and over and over and over again, I, I, I experiment with picking the option that I think is going to produce the most of the internal experience I want. And this gets, this gets to like, um, interesting philosophical territory. This goes back to what all the existentialists were speaking about. Like there, we can't, maybe there is inherent meaning, maybe there is an inherent purpose, maybe there is a God, but that's not something that we can know with absolute certainty. It's, we just can't know that with certainty. I'd like to believe that there's a God like that. That is something that is, is a beautiful way of conceiving of this universe. But I can't know it to be true. So if I can't know that there's any inherent meaning, then, then I get to construct my own meaning. Then that puts me in a position where I have to make choices. I am responsible for, for constructing my own meaning, and I am responsible for the choices I make about what I want to experience. And a lot of people are afraid of that level of responsibility because they're operating with programming that says, if they mess up, they get in trouble or something like that. But the truth is, is like you, whether or not you are consciously doing it, you are choosing the experience you want to have. So it just seems like it's a little bit better to boldly own the truth of the experience you want to have, and then spend your life practicing it and experimenting with it to try to actually produce it rather than to. Operate with the lens of like, oh, basically, rather than to have your unconscious make a choice about what you experience, which is determined by the programs that have been given to you. And then your life is filled with, like, shame and smallness and anger and fear. Not that those things are inherently bad. I really don't think that is true. I don't see those things as bad. They're just not necessarily the choices that I want to make. And what I find over and over and over again, is that when you are a person who shows up in the most nonjudgmental way and you create an environment where other people get to explore what it is that they want. Even if they're doing heinous acts, even if what they what they think they want is doing something that's hurting other people, you'll find over and over and over again that what everyone wants is to feel good. The tragedy of the human experience is that most people are just operating with strategies that are not producing the intended results of feeling good. They're producing the exact opposite results. But when you create that environment for people. Where they don't have to defend their strategies, then they get to cultivate an intrinsic desire to feel good. And I have literally never come across a single person who went in that environment of unconditional acceptance, what Carl Rogers calls unconditional positive regard where they don't say, oh, yeah, I want to feel good. And now I can now now that I don't have to defend myself, I can see that what I was doing was not actually helping me feel good. So logical framework strategies. The strategies you select the things that you do to produce an internal experience. Fundamentally, that internal experience is about feeling good. Okay, let's say that's not very clear to you. You don't know what strategies to pick. You don't even know what you, uh, what you want to feel. Well, this is this is, uh, like a nice beginner option and sometimes it's an advanced option because sometimes even a person who's been practicing this for decades gets into a place where they don't know how to apply this logical framework. So, I really like this, which is, which is pick the option that puts you in the position of having more options. So, if you're struggling to make a decision, take a look at what your options are. Pick the one that puts you in the position of having more options that at least at least then when you pick that option, you are in a position to have more options. You're then you're putting yourself in a place where it's easier to apply some of the things that we're speaking about today with this logical framework and what we're going to speak about next, which is your what human design calls your inner authority. I also, even, even though this, I'm not going to talk that much about this one, this actually, like, I want you to be a student of options. I want you to see, like, when your nervous system is in a particular state, what's your relationship with options when you are. Depressed or anxious, what is your relationship with options? What's your perception of the availability of options when you are in a state of what we call safe and social, or when you're eager to interact with the world when you're loving and when you're more oriented towards extroversion. What's your perception of the availability of options? There's a very, very interesting correlation between your perception of the availability of options and the state of your nervous system. It's just a, it's, it's a very, very beautiful thing. I also want you to consider this the best athletes. Are the ones who even when in the most disadvantageous positions maintain openness to the options available and then choose the best option, given that moment or that current circumstance, the best athletes. Even when in disadvantageous positions, and that can be like a football player making a cut and is in like a what for most people would be a super imbalanced position where they would fall or they like, wouldn't be able to produce power. The best athletes. In disadvantageous positions are open to curiously and delightfully, playfully, intensely, ambitiously exploring the options available and then are able to pick the best one. I, the options thing is a simple thing, but if you go there and you apply it and you become a student of options, it's going to, it's going to blow your mind. It's, it's, it's really 1 of the most beautiful things. And I'm so excited to spend the next hopefully I live for another 100 years. Next 100 years, uh, learning more and more about it. Okay. So the, the last, the last decision making component, what we, what we referenced earlier as. Your inner authority, that's what human design calls it. There are a bunch of different, uh, some internal family systems might call it your higher self. It's just that concept. It's like your, your spiritual self, the self, who's who has never and can never be hurt the self. That's infinite. And you also have your very human self, which is like your parts in IFS, um, who is finite, who will die, who will be hurt. And we're not trying to say that one is truer than the other, but both exist at the same time. And I think what we get to do in our lifetime is form a friendship between those 2, the finite self and the infinite self, but human design calls it inner. Inner authority, uh, or internal authority. Um, and I think that that phrase makes sense. So the, the most powerful, best tool you have for your decision making is your internal authority. It's the hardest one to learn, but when you learn it, it becomes the simplest and the easiest and requires the least amount of effort. It's the thing in you that says yes. And everyone seems to have a different version of yes. It comes from your body. I can't tell you exactly what yours is. It's something that I would so strongly recommend you spend forever practicing and getting good at, um, listening to what your yeses are in your body. Now, 1 perspective I've heard on this, which I like this 1. I don't know if this is true, but I like this perspective is that your body doesn't produce nose. Your body only produces produces yeses. So if it's a yes, then it's. You could say yes, but you don't have to actually say yes to it. You still have options, but you know that it would be in your interest. It is it is for your, um, it's for the betterment of you and maybe even for the betterment of the world to say yes to this thing. But you don't have to say yes. But if it's not a yes, then it's a no. So if it's a yes, it's a maybe if it's not a yes, it's a no. And I, I, again, I don't know if that's the only model, but I found that model to be really, really helpful. Listen to your yeses, listen to what's a yes for you and what your body does when it's a yes and. Have the courage to start making decisions based on that. I'll say this, like my, my biggest yes for me is my relationship with my sister. That's that, that relationship has been the greatest teacher in my, my whole life. But she and I are so, so, so tight. With each other, um, best friends and I, I lived most of my life not having the courage to be the version of myself that I am when I'm with my sister with the rest of the world. I like, I don't know. It just seems scary to show that. Version of me to everyone and so life was really confusing. I, like, invested in all these relationships and environments that, like, I wasn't even, I wasn't, I was just fucking flying by the seat of my pants, like, not knowing what I was doing, just trying to find safety somewhere. Until I made the decision to only invest and this was maybe 4 years ago to only invest into people and places where I know that I can be the version of myself that I am with my sister and I didn't get it right right away, but I made constant improvements. And since then, it's just been exponential growth. Like, now, like, the best, the best way to, um, the best way to express how well that's gone is like, Emily, me. My girlfriend and Abby are so tight. They've spent so much time together. And when we're all around each other, like everyone is the most themselves. And Abby's, Abby's boyfriend, Cody, like everyone is Fully themselves and not just themselves, but that everyone is invited to go beyond who they are. It's, it's, and that's a result of one, all of these people involved in this dynamic being people who value that experience and have made choices up until now in this point to invest their time and energy and attention into people who do that. And then we come together as this quad, it. Who are all doing that, and it creates this, like, massively exponential experience, creates this massive exponential energy. So, for me, I'm only able to participate in that. Where's like, my sister, Abby, like, has never liked anyone really that I've dated except for 1 person. I'm only able to be to participate in that because for the last four years, I have practiced saying yes to things that are actually yeses for me. And my teacher, like my reference point was how I feel what my body is like when I'm with my sister. And so then every business decision I make every. Friendship decision, every single thing that I do is a practice of being that version of myself that I am when I'm with her, but now it's like, but the beautiful thing about it is it's like difficult at first, but then you start building these environments and these dynamics and these friendships. Now I have my relationship with Emily. I'm the most myself with her and she encourages me to go beyond that. And we have a business together where I'm the most myself and every single person I interact with. I'm the most myself and in creating content, it's actually hard and short form content. I'm trying to get better at it. Practicing being the most myself, surfing, playing tennis, like everywhere and being the most myself. 10 years ago, I didn't have anywhere where I could be myself, nowhere, and I was depressed and I was alone, and I was seriously considering suicide and not thinking that I would make it outta my thirties. Now, my whole life, my whole environment around me is just pulsing with this energy of whatever, of being self-energy. It's pulsing with this yes energy. So now I don't have to do all that much work to maintain it. The environment is built. For me, I just exist in it, but, you know, I mean, I'm still like insanely ambitious and pushing for even more of it. I want the most yes life. I want one of the most yes lives that have ever existed. And the, the seed of it for me, the fundamental teachers. My relationship with my sister and, and it's, it's a practice of paying attention to my body. What's actually a yes and continuing to invest in that. So I would not say I'm an expert on internal authority. Uh, it's, it's not like I can't even describe to you what a yes for me is. It's just this sense. Um, I don't even really know how to teach it other than to say practice listening to what's a yes for you, but I do know that it is life changing. Um, Okay, so now we're going to go into the three components of a person who's living life like that, who's, who's living a yes life, who's, who's primarily relying on their inner authority, their internal authority. I don't even know what it's called. Um, now again, this, this is not a step by step thing because you are going to create your Own step by step and if you follow someone else's step by step, then it's not going to be the right thing for you that said, so I'm just to be honest with you. I'm just not a step by step person. Anyway, it is not. I've tried to force my mind to work that way. It doesn't work that way. I, I'm more of a, what are the essential components here? What are the ingredients in this experience? That's what I'm much better able to recognize than I am, like creating a ABC process. Yes. Here are the ingredients, uh, so for people who are living a yes life, for people who know what they want, here are the three key ingredients. Okay, so let's do a little experiment. I want you to pay attention to what your instinctual answer is when I ask this question. Uh, the first thing that goes into your mind, what are the first words that exist? So number, question number one, are you an artist? Now, you might say no, and that's okay. You might say another option is you might be like, yeah, like, in school, I was always like painting and in the shows and, um, singing, you know, that kind of stuff. And but then, if I were to ask you, when it comes to creating yourself. And if you say no, then that's okay, but what we want to do is get that to a yes, one of the most transformative things that I've ever experienced. And this, this 1, uh, nothing comes from me. Like, I don't think that I generate any of these ideas. I just am delightfully curious about certain things. And then I get to, like. Synthesize things, but this 1, I think what was 1 of the most feels like it comes from me of any of any thought or concept I've ever considered, um, which is choosing to see myself as an artist. There's I grew up in New York City. I grew up around, like, like, artists in lofts with, like, original flooring and. Clothes with paint on them and easels and, you know, just like, like New York and there's something about the identity of being an artist that I was always so, so attracted to. But I was an athlete and I, you know, like, most of us was operating with certain categorical programming, which. Let me know that you can really only be one or the other, but I, my, I could, my, my soul always craved the identity of being an artist. I loved, I'm a very materialistic person. Like, I love how things feel. I love the quality of certain materials, and I just love the idea of living life as an artist, like falling in love with materials and having that experience. A few years ago, like a couple of years into my business, this might've been four years ago. I chose to be an artist. I chose for like, I said, okay, even though I'm talking about like psychology and some spirituality and personal development, I'm an artist and my content is, is my medium. That's I'm a writer. I'm not. And it, it freed me up immensely. And then I started to see, Oh, the work that I do with my clients. I, I am an artist. I am an artist and then step by step growing that identity, seeing myself as an artist. Now, I and I see myself as an artist, which I kind of gives me permission to be crazy, which I love. I sort of want to be. A little bit erratic and insane. I, I like that it produces great results for me and I'm able to contain it. It's something that's really important. It's like, it's a nourishing version of insanity and being erratic. It's not destructive or harmful to other people. And when it is, I apologize for it and I transform it so that it is nourishing because I want my insanity to be fun. Invaluable and beneficial for other people, but I like the, like, I like that freedom. I like the identity and the freedom to be like, yeah, sometimes I'm crazy and I have crazy ideas and I am holding myself accountable to being able to harness those crazy ideas and share them with other people in a way that's beneficial and figure out how to harness all this in order to be able to create a life for myself. That's a full yes life that I love. So seeing yourself as an artist, you are, and this goes back to the thing with the nose job and plastic surgery, like sometimes people like seeing themselves as artists and their canvas is their body. And I think that's fucking cool. Like, I love that shit. I'm much again, I'm much more attracted to a person who is just engaging in masterful creation than I am a person who's judging everyone else for not doing what they want. It's. It's so cool to me that people create in the ways that they want to and it's so cool to me that certain people are compelled to create in certain areas, sometimes it's their face and their body and other areas. It's like a poetry book. It's, it's all creation and I fucking love creation. You are a project. You are something to create. You get, you are an artist of yourself when it, when it comes to getting what you want and living a yes life and, and, and knowing what you want. It's not like being an artist is the cure, but it's an essential component. I don't, I think you need to have that identity. Okay. Number 2, I'm going to ask you this question again, and let's see what your immediate initial answer is. Is your taste and are your preferences is what you like your highest authority? Is your taste, is what you like, are your preferences, your highest authority? And what are the first words that come to mind when you consider that question? Can you feel the programming in you that thinks that other people know who you're supposed to be and what you're supposed to do? Can you feel the programming in you that doesn't see that what you like and what your preferences are and what your taste is as a powerful thing? If that's the case, then we're going to want to transform that. So this, this, this was massively trans transformative for me, but starting to see that my taste and not just in the material world. But it, for me, it started in the material world, like, recognizing that my taste was something special and different. I wasn't recognizing it as that before, but seeing that it's, it's like, uniquely beneficial, like, what I think is the right thing, what I like, the way I like designing things, how I like things looking is uniquely beneficial and has a unique version of life. To it, um, seeing that my taste is special, it started to, it started to put me in a position of like, oh, fuck when I have a sense of what I, excuse me, when I have a sense of what I think is right, it's right now, what I'm talking about here is that my taste is my highest authority that does not mean that it's higher than anyone else's authority because each person's taste and preferences and what they like, those things are their highest authority. And no authority is higher than anyone else's. Your preferences, your taste, what you like is your highest authority. My preferences, my taste, what I like is my highest authority. Neither of those authorities are higher. What we get to do is, is like, find where those, those authorities harmonize and where they're disharmonic and we get to create. In that space where they meet now, there is something true about the hierarchy of taste, which is that a person who owns their taste and their preferences and experiences what they like as the right thing, not objectively right, but right for them and is bold enough to own that and to fight for it. Not in a, again, not in a toxic, destructive way, but in a beneficial nourishing way, like you're willing to say, to put your heart on the line and say, yes, this vision I have is the right thing. The person who's able to do that, who boldly owns that is more valuable than the person who does that energetically. That's a, that's a more harmonic, coherent, stronger, more amplified energy than the person who's turtle shelling, hiding away from the world. So the more you own your preferences and what you like, and the more eager you are to bring those preferences into reality and to collaborate with others to co create, seeing their preferences as their highest authority, and you two get to create an even higher authority that could have never been created unless you two co created and collaborated, that energy is more valuable to the world than the hiding away turtle shell energy. So there's almost like a responsibility that you have to others, like if you want to be a beneficial asset, if you want to be an energetic asset, if you want to be beneficial to the world, you, the version of you who owns what you like and what you want in your preferences, who's pumping that energy like a rhythmic. Pulsing heart into the world that gives life to everything. And we need that. We need you to own what you want and what you like and what your preferences are and your taste, your taste. What is the right thing? Like what's the beautiful thing? What's the thing that your soul needs to bring into the world and fight for that shit. We need you to be that person. The third component, uh, let's call it as above. So below creation, um, now, a lot of the times when people are thinking about what they want there, they think that it means that you need to know what you want for the rest of your life. And maybe you do know that that's great. I actually don't really know what I want and maybe, like, I'm sure there are some people who have that vision perfectly. I, all I know is that I want to spend the rest of my life becoming like one of the friendliest people to ever exist and be super fucking kind and have so much fun and help people. That's all I'm, what I focus on is every single moment. What is my highest vision in this moment? What are my preferences in this moment? What is my taste? Tell me about what I'd like in this moment. And I'm not just talking about materials, though. I am talking about materials, too. I'm talking about the energetics of it. What's the internal experience I want to have when I'm like out on a date? For instance, what is my preference for how this goes and what it feels like? And am I going to be bold enough and eager to bring that experience into life? Because I think it's the right thing to be super kind and curious and warm to each other. When I'm working with a client, what experience do I want to have? What do I want to. Create in this moment. What's the energetic exchange I want to experience and what's the energetic exchange they want to experience and what does it look like to create, to be a masterful artist in this moment, to create an every single fucking moment of your life. You are creating. You're clear on the energy you want to exchange. You're, you're clear. You're, you're, you're clear that you don't have to get anything right. It's actually fun to get it wrong and use your mistakes as material for, for more deeply bonding with yourself and others. But everything is a practice. Okay, so. What I want to create here is joy and delight. Well, let me move my body joy and delightfully. Let me say words that are joy and delight. Let me see what happens when I say this thing, or I ask this question, what happens in this person's nervous system? What happens in their eyes? Like everything is this experimental creation. I really don't think that you need to know your vision for the rest of your life. Maybe that is the correct thing. I just know that like, if you spend every single moment of your life. Seeing yourself as an artist, seeing your taste and your preferences for the, and as the, as the, as your highest authority and seeing that in every single moment, there's an opportunity for you to bring your taste and preferences to life. We're talking about materially. We're talking about through thoughts and words. We're talking about energetically, which I think is the most important and you're creating in every single moment, doing the best that you can to operate with what your internal authority says is the right thing. Thing. What is it? Yes. Think about a trillion moments of that string together. You are living a fucking amazing life. That's what, that's all I focus on. And I have like probably fairly severe ADHD. So I'm not like the type of person who's super calculated. Like I just am here as this pumping heart looking to get even more rhythmic, even more coherent, even more able to communicate, to collaborate and co create with other people. I'm just here as a particular rhythm, pumping a particular energy into the world. And I want that energy, that's that musical note to be super in tune, super skilled, super invitational, like inviting others to come play this, their note with me. And their note hopefully is different than mine, but we learn how to harmonize. That's it. Spend every moment of your life. So I talk about like, when you're making coffee, what is, what is your artist say about the most beautiful way to make coffee when you're making your bed? What does your artist say about the most beautiful way to make your bed when you're doing your fucking taxes and, and like doing accounting? What is the most beautiful you might, I have programming that like shuts down and gets. Immature and like a, like throw a toddler tantrum when it's time to do that kind of stuff, but that's my program. That's not what I actually want to create. That doesn't align with my actual taste. So what is my taste of the right thing to do here and the right energy to bring into this relationship with money and accounting and organization, all that stuff. And what does it look like to practice creating that every single thing, every moment. Is an opportunity for you to be one of the greatest artists to ever exist. And if you just live your life like that in everything you do, seeing everything as sacred, making coffee is just as. Valuable and sacred as breathwork or anything, anything or going to church, like anything that's marketed as sacred, everything is sacred and there's no such thing as non sacred and sacred. Everything is sacred. The person who wants to get a nose job is sacred. What do you want to create in your interaction with that person as they speak about their motivations for getting plastic surgery? And are you holding yourself accountable to actually creating? That thing. I think if you do those things, you will live a life where you know exactly what you want, and in every moment, you're able to create it.