The Flynn Skidmore Podcast

How to Transform Your Unconscious Wounds

February 28, 2024 Flynn Skidmore Episode 32
How to Transform Your Unconscious Wounds
The Flynn Skidmore Podcast
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The Flynn Skidmore Podcast
How to Transform Your Unconscious Wounds
Feb 28, 2024 Episode 32
Flynn Skidmore

In today's episode, I demystify the process of trauma healing, and simplify the process unconscious and personal transformation.

I discuss how you can own the truth of what you want to create in your life, how healing trauma for the sake of healing trauma is less likely to fulfill you, and how to go deeper inward and understand yourself, find wounds and transform them.

My hope is that you walk away from this episode with a deep understanding of the emotional brain, the ability to identify and evolve your internal states, and a sense of confidence in creating the future version of yourself while evolving your nervous system and transforming your external world.

Connect with Flynn:

Submit your written reviews to THIS form to be entered into a giveaway to win a 30 min session with me! We'll pull 1 winner at the end of the month.

Show Notes Transcript

In today's episode, I demystify the process of trauma healing, and simplify the process unconscious and personal transformation.

I discuss how you can own the truth of what you want to create in your life, how healing trauma for the sake of healing trauma is less likely to fulfill you, and how to go deeper inward and understand yourself, find wounds and transform them.

My hope is that you walk away from this episode with a deep understanding of the emotional brain, the ability to identify and evolve your internal states, and a sense of confidence in creating the future version of yourself while evolving your nervous system and transforming your external world.

Connect with Flynn:

Submit your written reviews to THIS form to be entered into a giveaway to win a 30 min session with me! We'll pull 1 winner at the end of the month.

[00:00:00] Flynn: Hello and welcome to the Flynn Skidmore podcast. My goal is to help you become exactly who you want to be. We are here to help you take your biggest, boldest, most beautiful vision for life And turn that vision into reality. Welcome back to the Flynn Skidmore podcast. Today, we are going to demystify the process of trauma healing, demystifying the process of reaching into your unconscious and finding the things that get to be acknowledged and loved and transformed so that you can create different outcomes in.

[00:00:45] Flynn: Your life. I really want to emphasize that healing unconscious wounds, healing trauma is not just because healing is a nice thing to do. It's because your soul [00:01:00] is hungry to create different. Outcomes in your life. You need to create something like Michael Jordan leaping from the free throw line and doing the most beautiful dunk that we've ever seen done.

[00:01:14] Flynn: Like his soul needed to do that. It needed to create that leap. Healing trauma is something in the process of fully going for the life that you want. If you, I like really want to emphasize this. If you are in a place where healing trauma is simply for the sake of healing trauma, then I don't think you're ever going to heal your trauma.

[00:01:38] Flynn: I really love this idea that the further you reach outwards, like the more you own the truth of what you want to create in your life, the more you listen to what you're called to do, what you're called to create. And you do that thing the further you reach outward, the deeper you get to go inward and understand yourself and find wounds and [00:02:00] transform them.

[00:02:01] Flynn: But it's got to be applied to action, creating something in three dimensional reality. Give you a simple example, like someone in our group coaching community. Recently and in our call this past Friday was about, it was about to give a speech to 180 people and she wanted to create this amazing experience for all the people involved.

[00:02:22] Flynn: And as we're unpacking this and she's, she's expecting that she's nervous about it. She's scared about it. She can feel a pit in her stomach considering, this https: otter. ai You'll and we addressed it and I'm going to share the framework today with you that we used with her, but I just want to use that as an example to emphasize that she wouldn't have to go inward and find the little kid within her who was overwhelmed and scared in response to her parents fighting and experiencing shame and dread She wouldn't have the opportunity to address that [00:03:00] within her unless she were extending herself and challenging herself surpassing her limitations externally.

[00:03:08] Flynn: If she's not going to give the speech, then she has no reason to go deep inward. And I just. Really want you to understand that. If you want to be a person who has deep self understanding if you want to be a person who feels like, every ounce of your soul and you like, you feel free internally, you feel confident and eager to relate to All of the things that can occur or exist in your psyche.

[00:03:32] Flynn: It's because you are simultaneously listening to the call of what you really want to create in your life. The further you reach outward, the deeper you get to go inward. Okay. So Here's, I'm going to, I'm going to share a little example just to set us up to be able to understand this framework today.

[00:03:50] Flynn: And then using that example, we're going to go through the framework so that you can understand step by step exactly what we do to [00:04:00] find unconscious wounds, transform them, and then. Ultimately be able to apply that transformation to new action externally. So here we go. Now, imagine five years ago, you came up with a business idea and it was a great business idea.

[00:04:17] Flynn: There's a gap in the market. No one was doing it. You came up with the idea, you put together the business plan. Maybe you even designed some prototypes. You did the branding, like it was. Almost ready to go. And then you put it on the shelf and it collected dust. Then five years later, that someone else, not that they didn't steal the idea, maybe they did in this story, someone else absolutely blows up with the exact same idea that you had five years ago, they got in within one month, they grow like 500, 000 followers on Instagram.

[00:04:54] Flynn: The business is absolutely booming, signing deals. And you're left in this state of [00:05:00] frustration, confusion, some shame, because this isn't the first time something like this has happened. And that you have a pattern in your life of having fantastic ideas, but then shelving them and not taking action on them now.

[00:05:16] Flynn: We want, in order to take different action, we're going to, it's not, it's probably not about someone telling you what action to take. You probably already know. What it's about is finding the parts within you who are terrified of doing this thing that would, that you would be doing if you were to fully put yourself out there and own it and be like, Hey, this is my idea.

[00:05:41] Flynn: This is going to work. Here's, here it is world. There are parts within you who are terrified of that idea. For some reason, we don't know that reason yet. And actually, the more we try and intellectualize it, the less we're able to transform it. We want to go in, into the places where you [00:06:00] don't often bring awareness to, into your unconscious and Find those parts of you who've accumulated certain experiences that have led them to the conclusion that it's not safe to put yourself out in that way and that it's better to remain small when you have a relationship with that part within you.

[00:06:20] Flynn: That's when you are free to take the action that you want to take. But in order to cultivate that relationship, we got to get out of the thinking brain and get into the emotional brain. And that's the process that, that we're speaking about today. Now, one of the things. As we're going through this framework you'll probably notice yourself like applying it to your own story.

[00:06:42] Flynn: And here's one of the things that, that I, when this kind of work is new for people what I notice is that. And we all do this. Like I used to do this all the time. There's like this desire to tell the story. There's the desire to know all the [00:07:00] information and know, Oh yeah, this happened and then this happened and this is why I did this and this is why I did this remaining in your head and not.

[00:07:07] Flynn: Actually having a felt experience of it. All that intellectualization is actually there to make it seem like you understand what's happening, but actually to prevent you from truly understanding what's happening in a felt way, because it's a part of you who doesn't feel safe to feel what's underneath there.

[00:07:26] Flynn: It's a version. It's a, it's a. It's really your mind and your body figuring out how to run away from something that it's terrified of. And the more you continue to run away through intellectualization, the least likely, the less likely you are to transform anything, the more likely, and if you don't transform things internally, the more likely you are to keep coming up with business ideas and not actually going for them and then other people five years later have a bunch of success doing it.

[00:07:54] Flynn: We want to learn how to move closer to things. Ultimately, you [00:08:00] can do this on your own. I, most of this stuff I do on my own with myself. I do a lot of this stuff before falling asleep. Anytime I feel scared or insecure or anxious. I do this stuff on the fly and I've got, I just have so much practice with it now that it's almost second nature to me.

[00:08:17] Flynn: So it takes me about a second, but in the beginning it was super clunky and it might take months to go through one thing. But because of. a desire to create particular external results and to become a certain person and to be really good at teaching this stuff because of this deep craving for that, like a need on a soul level to, to be that person.

[00:08:41] Flynn: I have, I've held myself accountable to practicing this over and over and over again. One thing that. Which has led to me being able to just be this. It's almost like this. It's like I am a filter of this framework and all the experiences I have get filtered through it and it's really freeing and it feels like [00:09:00] amazing.

[00:09:01] Flynn: I want you to have that too. Now, one of the things that seems to be a prerequisite is that if you. If you see yourself as someone who is responsible for helping other people do this, if you see yourself as a teacher and you and you like feel very connected with that identity. And actually if your livelihood is connected with you being able to teach this stuff well, or your perceived livelihood.

[00:09:31] Flynn: There's a much greater chance that you're going to get good at this fast. You're going to, you're going to internalize this stuff faster. If you see your, if you're holding yourself accountable to being able to teach this and your livelihood depends on your ability to teach it, if you're a great teacher, then the more success you have.

[00:09:48] Flynn: In whatever it is you're doing, like you could be teaching your children this. And if your perceived livelihood depends on that, then like your soul is going to need to internalize this. And that's the level of commitment that we're [00:10:00] looking for, honestly is like need for it not like desperate need but really a sense of like life or death, like you're going to pursue this or you're going to die trying and I like in, in terms of being able to really understand models like these, I think that is.

[00:10:16] Flynn: That kind of approach is required. And that's, there's something to reflect on. Take a couple of moments, like how committed are you to teaching these things and helping other people access things? And does your perceived livelihood depend on your ability to help others access these? You don't need to be a content creator.

[00:10:32] Flynn: You don't need to be a therapist. Like anything you do, if you're able to teach people how to operate in this way, you will. Exponentially increase other people's capacity capacity to be creative, capacity to create things quickly, efficiently like you are an exponentially more valuable person if you are great at teaching these kinds of stuff.

[00:10:53] Flynn: And to be great at teaching this kind of stuff means you know how to do it with yourself really fast. Which takes time, [00:11:00] honestly, like years, but it's it's, that's the devotion that it takes just being honest. Okay, so let's go through, let's go through the framework. We have what's the pattern.

[00:11:13] Flynn: We have earliest memory. We have meaning making. We have the completion of the story. And then we have virtualization. Let's go through each of those applied to the business example. Okay. So we've got the pattern here. The pattern is that I keep coming up with great ideas, but I'm not fully sending it.

[00:11:36] Flynn: Like I put things on the shelf. I'm not owning the truth of what it is that I can offer and how creative I can be and how successful I want to be. Like it's right there, but I seem to keep sabotaging my own success. So that's the pattern that I'm noticing. Now, what's most important about taking a look at patterns, actually two things that are most [00:12:00] important, it is less about the actual pattern and more about in terms of what we can measure externally.

[00:12:09] Flynn: Like it's less about coming up with the idea and then putting it on the shelf and it's more about. What's the pattern of the internal state when you're putting it on the shelf? What is the internal state when someone five years later blows up and is super successful with the same idea that you had five years prior?

[00:12:27] Flynn: What is that internal state? What does that feel like in your body? That's what we're really looking for. And we'll just do a little bit of work, like a little bit of this right now. The second most important thing is what would you prefer the pattern to be? So not, we don't even need yet to get clear on the external things, but internally, what would you prefer the pattern to be?

[00:12:49] Flynn: So if the pattern has been like, if you're tracking it internally, the pattern is there's some anxiety, there's fear, there's shame. Okay. So what we know. What is [00:13:00] happening here is that when it comes to your success, it could be success in business. It could be success in relationships, whatever.

[00:13:06] Flynn: When it comes to your success, you have a pattern of shame and that shame seems to be related to results that you don't like. Okay. So we're just seeing that clearly. Then we want to take a look at, okay, what is the pattern that I would like to be experiencing? Let's say it's joy, confidence, zest, and exuberance and enthusiasm.

[00:13:32] Flynn: Okay, got it. Now we're getting clear on where we are and where we want to be. We don't necessarily need to know the specific external results yet. We'll do that of the joy and exuberance. We'll do that later, but right now we're just getting a feeler. For what the truth of the pattern is and the truth of what we want the pattern to be.

[00:13:51] Flynn: Now, if there's a pattern in your life, whether it's relationships, whether it's business stuff, whether it's stuff with your body, whatever it [00:14:00] is, when there's a pattern of, let's say, shame or fear or anxiety, we know that. There's something happening in your unconscious where there are parts of you who think that shame, fear, and anxiety is the safest option is your best bet for producing safety for yourself.

[00:14:22] Flynn: The more we judge that, the more we say, Oh, that's stupid, or that's weak, or, Oh, like I should just be able to do this, the more likely we are to continue with the shame based pattern. We want to move towards it to understand the parts of you and these experiences that you've had that have led you to conclude that shame or fear or anxiety is your safest option.

[00:14:45] Flynn: And it is only through a felt relationship in your, remember your emotional brain in a. Felt relationship with that part of you who accumulated scary or overwhelmed or had an accumulation of scary or overwhelming [00:15:00] events. It's only in that relationship where we're able to create change. So first step, we're just recognizing the pattern, the thing that you don't like and getting a little bit clear on what you would prefer that pattern to be instead.

[00:15:14] Flynn: And what we're really talking about here is the pattern of internal states. Now, when you consider that pattern let's say it's okay, so the pattern is not fully sending in on business stuff, but the real pattern is a pattern of internal experience of shame. Let's start to consider some of your earliest experiences of shame.

[00:15:37] Flynn: Now, this is where people's minds tend to go into. Intellectualization overdrive it's almost, and I'm just going to be, I'm going to ask you to be really honest with yourself here. I used to do this all the time. It's almost like wanting to show how aware you are and how smart you are and how well you can connect the dots and how much [00:16:00] information you know about yourself.

[00:16:01] Flynn: So you think that the reward exists In telling all the right things. I know that my mom was like this and this was like this. And my dad did this and this happened. And that led to this later on. The more you remain in that, the more you do that, the less opportunity we have to meet your emotional brain.

[00:16:21] Flynn: You got to hold yourself accountable to understanding that when you're doing that, you're really looking for a dopamine hit. And I can understand that. Like again, I used to do that too all the time. I'm sure I still do sometimes, but that's not where the real value is. That's not where the transformation is at.

[00:16:41] Flynn: So you got to catch yourself doing that. Understand it's very human. It's very normal to do that, but you got to hold yourself responsible and be like, Hey, okay, if I. If I really want change, then I have to not be so obsessed with the story. I have to understand that the change, the transformation that I'm looking for really happens [00:17:00] as a result of this felt experience.

[00:17:02] Flynn: Now here's a really cool thing. This is why the need to create external things is so important because. You don't have a need in your soul to create beautiful things externally, whether that's your family, whether that's business stuff, relationship stuff, body, all of the above.

[00:17:19] Flynn: Then it's really easy to hold yourself accountable to, to slack off and allow yourself to go into story. The going into the story is a way of procrastinating on bringing the things that you want to life, and you just gotta really hold yourself to a high standard with that. Okay. So earliest memory, we're looking for brief recall here.

[00:17:43] Flynn: So if you were to say, Oh, wow. When I'm considering this shame pattern and like fear of putting myself out there okay. I'm remembering being like nine years old and I'm in art class and I'm afraid to, I like, I can feel myself not picking I can't pick a [00:18:00] color for this project we're working on.

[00:18:02] Flynn: I'm like, I was scared. I'm terrified of picking a color. So what we do there is we have you find that version of you see if you can sense in your body, how that version might be communicating through you, how it might be speaking to you, what in your body is letting you know the fear of picking the wrong color is there.

[00:18:22] Flynn: We're not judging it. We're not. Analyzing it. We're not intellectualizing it. We're just seeing, okay, there's a fear of picking the wrong color. I see myself nine years old in art class. Okay. I'm going to move towards that. I'm not going to talk that much. I'm not going to figure it out. I'm not going to seek to fix it.

[00:18:40] Flynn: I'm going to move towards it while communicating. Hey, little nine year old me, you. I have zero interest in forcing you to change or making you be different or making you defend yourself. I just want to learn about this experience. So you approach that nine year old version of you, and this is largely done like in, in [00:19:00] your imagination while also paying attention to your body, approach that nine year old version of you.

[00:19:05] Flynn: And what you're looking to do is operate with an energy of what I'll, what I often describe as infinite permissiveness. So you want to give, you want to make sure that you're stepping into that scene with the nine year old version of you, just emitting an energy that invites flowers to open that attracts animals to it.

[00:19:26] Flynn: It's. It's saying, yes, be exactly as you are. If you have these big feelings, then you have permission to express them and experience them as much as you might like, but you don't even have to say it. It's more about operating with the energy. The way that I think about it is like when the sun comes out, flowers bloom.

[00:19:45] Flynn: It's just that you don't. Even have to say anything. So tapping into that energy. And that's where the real mastery is when you can become that energy and your whole life is lived through the lens of being that energy. And again, it takes practice years [00:20:00] of practice. So it requires an immense level of commitment.

[00:20:03] Flynn: So you move towards that version of you with this permissive energy and what we're seeking to learn here is the meaning that they've made of this experience. So we move towards them and as we move towards them there will be more information that comes up, right? Like I imagine that the wound here is not.

[00:20:21] Flynn: About art class, though. It could be, it probably has something to do with your parents. So we want to see what happens. So as you move towards nine year old with just gentle, calm, permissive energy, what happens? And then you probably will have an immediate insight. Oh, my parents. Demanded perfection and would make me feel really ashamed if I made a mistake and there would be like, okay, so let's go to that memory.

[00:20:45] Flynn: Like what images come to mind? What do you see when you consider that pattern with your parents? And you're like, okay there's this one time I remember being like, I make eight years old, nine years old, something like that. And one time I came home from school and X, Y, Z, whatever happened.

[00:20:59] Flynn: Okay. [00:21:00] We don't need to like, we don't need to play story out. We've got the brief recall. We have the moment in time. That's the thing. What does it look like? What's the. Energy of the space. What's eight year olds body. You what the eight year old you, what's their body language like? All, what's the vibe between your parents?

[00:21:16] Flynn: What is happening in this space? Now you are entering this space with that warm sunshine, infinite permission, energy. You're just being in that space. Okay. Then you move towards the little kid, you, and you start getting curious and this just generally happens right away. When you seek to understand like, Hey, I wonder like what.

[00:21:37] Flynn: What meaning did you make of this experience? What did this experience say about you? What does it say about other people? What does it say about the world? And then you'll, you likely will get an some kind of response immediately, and it might be something like if I make mistakes, then I get in huge trouble.

[00:21:58] Flynn: That's the meaning. Now, the [00:22:00] meaning is paired with intense emotional experience because you remember God, I'm thinking about being in fifth grade and like getting in trouble in fifth grade was the most terrifying thing that could ever exist, which is funny to think about, and it's because our little nervous systems are primarily invested in bonding with adults because we need to, in order to maintain access to food and warmth and resources.

[00:22:25] Flynn: So the idea of being in trouble or excluded from the tribe or rejected me is a life or death thing to me. Or to us. The emotions that are paired with maybe not belonging or maybe being rejected are probably exponentially intensified for little kids. So you've got this meaning making, like I'll get in trouble if I don't do it perfect, something like that.

[00:22:48] Flynn: You'll have your own and then we want to say, okay, then you operate with that permissive energy. So what are the feelings with that? What is that terror like? Can we actually give the terror permission to be [00:23:00] as big as it needs to be in your body? And I'm here, I'm with you. I can create an immense amount of space, however big this terror needs to be.

[00:23:09] Flynn: I can create enough space to hold the terror. And I'm just going to be here with you. Usually what happens when you do that is, is because you're not fighting the terror anymore than the terror doesn't need to be so terrifying. So give yourself a couple moments with that. And then the terror starts to shrink a bit.

[00:23:28] Flynn: It's not so overwhelmed. It doesn't need to be big anymore. When you give something permission to be big, it usually then chooses to just be subtle and small. It's really wild thing. You're not making the terror defend itself. You're not trying to fix it. You're saying, Hey, be as big as you want to be.

[00:23:43] Flynn: And you're thinking about this terror being in the little kid's body, the little kid version of you not having to repress the terror, no, whatever you're there with permissive energy, letting the terror move through. Okay. When you do that, generally what happens is there's a sense of relaxation. Like [00:24:00] it gets smaller and again, generally, and this is might be why it's help if it's not, if you're if it's not this exact thing, then it may be helpful to work with a practitioner.

[00:24:08] Flynn: To be guided through this process, but generally then the terror will get smaller. Okay. Now, as the terror gets, after you've given the terror permission, the terror that's associated with this meaning making of it's not safe to, if I get in, if I make mistakes, I get in huge trouble that settles down.

[00:24:25] Flynn: Okay, as that settles down in the body of this child within you, that's when we can really start to move close. So now we want to check in and see, okay, does this little kid version of me know that I know their name? So give that little kid a second to pick up in what I often see with people is it'd be like, Oh.

[00:24:47] Flynn: They didn't before, but now they do. Okay. When that little kid knows that, their name, that's when their nervous system starts to feel much safer. Their physiology changes, their posture changes. They're perceiving the [00:25:00] availability of warmth and belonging in an environment that they've never perceived the availability of warmth and belonging.

[00:25:06] Flynn: And this environment, if there's this wound in your unconscious, there are this memory. Where you're seeing your parents arguing and getting intrigued, getting you in trouble, getting screamed out, whatever, then that part of you is trapped in an environment where there is scarce access to the resources.

[00:25:21] Flynn: It needs love, warmth, and belonging now, all of a sudden, because you're moving towards it with this permissive energy. And, its name, and it knows that, its name, all of a sudden, this environment is different. There's warmth here. And there hasn't been warmth here for 30 years.

[00:25:35] Flynn: However long it's been, all of a sudden things change physiologically, biology, biologically, your nervous system starts to change perceiving more safety now. What we want to do is check in and see if this part of you senses your warmth. They're, they know that, their name now, do they sense your warmth and let's check in and see if they're able to feel that.

[00:25:58] Flynn: So you give yourself a couple [00:26:00] moments, see if they can feel your warmth when they feel your warmth game over. That is when we are in, this is. A pivotal moment. This is where something that's called memory reconsolidation can occur. You're going into this emotional experience, this wounded memory that maybe for your whole life unconsciously has been shame and whether or not you're aware of it consciously, that shame is there in this memory.

[00:26:32] Flynn: It's. In your body, this part of you, the scared eight year old exists in you, whether or not you're aware of it. And this is why triggers are the perfect opportunity for immense transformation, because they give you the, they give you the opportunity to go into these memories and transform them. You're being infinite warmth.

[00:26:52] Flynn: You're being wise, loving grandma. You're. You're being the sunshine that just knows that flowers open up in its presence. You're being that thing. [00:27:00] And therefore this wounded part of you or traumatized part is having a different emotional experience than it's ever had in your entire life. It perceives a new environment.

[00:27:10] Flynn: That's when change can occur. That's when your nervous system is like, Oh, maybe there are some other options here. Maybe it's not just this thing that we've been experiencing. We'd prefer. Prefer to be experiencing joy and delight and playfulness, which you'll find out in a second. But we just haven't known that's available.

[00:27:26] Flynn: We haven't known that's an option. We haven't perceived that we're in an environment where it makes sense to blossom and to be delightful and enthusiastic and playful. Okay, now here's a really beautiful piece of this, and we're still in the meaning making. So this is the process of getting into the emotional brain, forming a relationship with this wounded part of you.

[00:27:46] Flynn: Now we know that we know the previous meaning, the meaning if I need to be perfect or else I get in huge trouble or, and that's terrifying. Okay. So now that this part of you senses your presence and [00:28:00] your warmth, your infinite permission, what meaning would it like to make about itself, about other people, about the world?

[00:28:08] Flynn: And this is where the real magic happens because you don't need to insert a belief that you think is the right thing. Think about it like this. Flowers know how to become flowers without anyone intervening. No one is like making the flower do affirmations to become a flower. It's already in it. It wants to express itself in the fullest, most beautiful way.

[00:28:33] Flynn: And all it needs is the right environment for it to perceive that it is correct and safe to do that. So then you go to this part of you and this is where like the immense self trust comes. Cause when you do this over and over and that all of your parts, the parts who are like little shitheads who are judging other people and.

[00:28:51] Flynn: Critical of other people and critical of yourself and the parts of you who are afraid and want to be small and hide away from the world. They all want the same thing. [00:29:00] They all want love, warmth, and belonging. And when they perceive that they're in an environment where that's just available, they become flowers.

[00:29:07] Flynn: I've just seen it thousands of times in myself and in other people. It. It seems to be a principle or a habit of the universe. I don't like saying law of the universe because supposedly there's evidence that she suggests that some of the things that we think are laws of the universe are not actually laws, but are more like habits, which is incredible.

[00:29:28] Flynn: God, I love that idea so much. Okay. Then you go to this part of you, it's perceiving a new environment. There's warmth here. There's sunshine here. There's permission here. And you say what meaning would you like to make? What meaning would you prefer? What belief would you prefer to have about yourself or the world or people?

[00:29:45] Flynn: And. And that part of you will say I'd like to see that there's the, that mistakes are amazing materials material for more experimentation. I would like to believe that mistakes [00:30:00] are fun and that mistakes can be used as opportunities to create something even bigger. And I'd like to be really playful and fun and confident as I experienced that.

[00:30:10] Flynn: And you'd be like, okay. Now, play this story out like maybe let's go back to the art room where you couldn't choose a sticker or the right paint and let's go through that. What's it like to actually love mistakes and know that I'm there with infinite warm permission, sunshine, energy, loving grandma with you as you like experiment and play like, let's go back to the art room and see that happen.

[00:30:32] Flynn: And you allow this part within you to play that new thing out. Playing out the new experience of playfulness, the most important thing is savoring it in your body, like creating the space in your body, letting your body take up space so that your cells can breathe and receive new information from the electricity in your nervous system and receive new hormones and learn that you're in a different environment now as this part of you, this eight year [00:31:00] old, nine year old part of you who was previously terrified of making mistakes Is now in a different environment is having a different biological and physiological experience.

[00:31:08] Flynn: So you then let it play out. And it, and this, it's really helpful to let it play out over and over two or three times, really just retell the story of making mistakes in an experimental, fun, playful way, and let that part within you feel it in their body as you're also feeling it in your body.

[00:31:26] Flynn: And this is where. Again, savoring it in your body is one of the most important things. It's more important than anything that you and I could ever say. You drink the experience in like fresh squeezed orange juice. You let it run, nourish your blood, nourish your body, nourish yourselves, let your body expand and get plumper, your cells more beautifully round as you're savoring this experience.

[00:31:49] Flynn: That's the thing that transforms your nervous system. Now, what we did here, we. Your nervous system prior to getting into your emotional brain with kindness and permission was [00:32:00] locked up. Your nervous system was thinking, Oh, we're in an environment that's harsh and that's shameful and that we can get in a lot of trouble.

[00:32:07] Flynn: That means that we're going to be in this environment tomorrow. So we have to set ourselves up physiologically, biologically right now to prepare for that environment tomorrow. That's what your whole life has been. That's why you didn't send it with the business thing. Okay. But now the environment is different.

[00:32:23] Flynn: We can create new neural pathways that are predicting the availability of warmth, even if you make mistakes. Okay. And this is involved. You trusting yourself to meet all things that exist within you and your psyche and your internal world with warmth and curiosity, just like we did through this whole process thus far, that's the thing paired with immense determination and huge, bold, beautiful action.

[00:32:48] Flynn: That is the. Combo. Maybe I'm wrong about that, but I'm willing to bet my life that is the combo of ultimate, immense satisfaction and freedom. Okay, so [00:33:00] now we've allowed you to go through this story two or three times. You're sitting, you're understanding that it's less about the words of the story and more the savoring in your body of the new experience, the fresh squeezed orange juice pulsing through your veins.

[00:33:13] Flynn: Now what we want to do so there, there are two options here. One is you can ask yourself like, okay, so this experience of confident and playful experimentation where I can use mistakes, I can use disadvantages to create huge advantages. I can use mistakes as massive opportunities. And maybe I'm one of the best in the world at doing that.

[00:33:32] Flynn: And I like being that way because everyone else is terrified of mistakes. So I know if I'm doing a. Thousand mistakes really well. And most other people are doing like 15 mistakes of those a thousand really well, like I'm pulling away, like I'm setting myself apart because I have this thing in me, I'm confident and aligned even in mistakes I can find, I can create.

[00:33:56] Flynn: Advantage from disadvantage. And I am healing this part of my [00:34:00] unconscious to like really help this child within me, but not even just believe that experience, but feel that experience. And they're able to feel it because I'm there with infinite permission, infinite sunshine, energy. God, I love this so much.

[00:34:14] Flynn: I just want, I want you to have this so fucking badly. Okay now that we've gone through that a couple of times, you'll start to notice things are different. You can, or you notice the difference in your body. You can represent this new confident experimentation energy with a symbol or an animal or something from nature.

[00:34:32] Flynn: Sometimes people would. Pick a tree or something like that to refer back to so that when it's time to be creative again and put yourself out there, you can refer to that symbol that used to resonate with me what I don't ever really do that, but I know that some people do that. What I do is I create a future version of myself.

[00:34:52] Flynn: So now the next art project for this formerly wounded eight year old is to create. 35 year old Flynn or [00:35:00] 40 year old Flynn who like loves mistakes and is immensely confident and is so playful and so good at using disadvantage for advantage. Like now that the eight year old's next art project is to create that version, that future version of Flynn.

[00:35:14] Flynn: And like he is going to be so stoked to create that thing. Like he's going to be, if he's in an environment where he has That's ultimate permission, ultimate support, ultimate warmth. He's going to be so stoked to create that future version of me. And then the task is now it's on me to be like, okay, little Flynn, I got you.

[00:35:36] Flynn: I see what you want. I see the truth of what you want. You wanted this all along, but you didn't think it was available because you perceived yourself to be in an environment where there was like where there was scarcity of the resources that you need. The resource, the internal resources of love, warmth, and belonging.

[00:35:51] Flynn: Maybe even external resources too, but okay, but now you're in a different environment when you're in this new environment, like this is who you want to create [00:36:00] you. Of course you want this. Of course you want confidence and boldness and expression and immense kindness and love and creativity. Of course you want that.

[00:36:08] Flynn: You're just like all things in nature. You just. Risk. You just open up like a flower in the sun. It's just actually basic. It's duh energy. Of course, little Flynn wants that. And of course the little you wants that. And so now creating this future version of yourself, who is that?

[00:36:25] Flynn: Start to get really familiar. Who is that person? What traits do they have? What do they do? What are the ways in which they're. Filling a gap in the market. So a person like them has never existed before and they are becoming that person. Like for me, for instance, when I was 15, it was so clear to me that there were almost no men.

[00:36:48] Flynn: There were at least no men that I was aware of who were super athletic and could do survival things in the wilderness, which my survival skill is like. [00:37:00] If we're rating it out of 10, it's probably like 4. 1 out of 10, but I had some basic skills, but there's no one who was like really athletic, moved really beautifully and gracefully survival skills.

[00:37:13] Flynn: And also women feel really safe around him and not just safe, but love his presence. Like I saw that didn't exist. I saw there was a gap in the market and then I became compelled to create that thing, understanding that would be a scarce resource. And if you create yourself into a scarce resource who has infinite resources internally of love, kindness, and joy and confidence, that is freedom. That is it. So who do you want to create now? Now that these wounded parts of you are perceiving themselves to be in a different environment, who do they want to create and what's it like for them to get to participate in the process of creating that person. So you're bringing them along.

[00:37:55] Flynn: Now, what has probably happened through your whole life. Before you've built [00:38:00] a relationship with these wounded parts of you is you've been running away from them and that, which is perpetuated and exacerbated their experience of isolation. Now they feel like they're part of something. They belong within you.

[00:38:12] Flynn: They are contributing, which God, they want to do so badly. And what they want is being respected and listened to. And someone is saying, oh, fuck. Yes, I got you. Let's go. And taking them along for the ride and creating it, that is trauma healing made simple. So to recap, transforming unconscious wounds requires immense bold action.

[00:38:38] Flynn: It requires that you start the business. It requires that you. Go for it. It requires that you say, Oh, this type of mother has never existed before this type of husband or this type of whomever, this type of, and whatever it is that you want to create. This has never existed before. As far as I'm aware, I want to create this.

[00:38:59] Flynn: Thing in a [00:39:00] way that's never been done before. That fully captures the truth of all of the different pieces of who I am and what I like and my essence, I'm going to create that thing and I'm going to fully go for it. The trauma healing, I, in my opinion, can't happen. Unless you do the speech in front of 180 people or unless you like launch the business, it's the further you reach outwards, the further you challenge yourself externally, the more, the deeper you get to go internally in terms of understanding and transforming unconscious wounds.

[00:39:32] Flynn: And then it's, and then when you're taking the action, when you're launching the business, when you're creating the content, when you're, doing the speech in front of 180 people. It's not just for you. It's for you and the part within you who for the duration of your life has experienced themselves as isolated and alone, but now they're part of something they're benefiting to the, they're benefiting from the speech.

[00:39:53] Flynn: They're contributing to the speech. They're part of this team. That is where the transformation happens. So [00:40:00] to go through the to go through the framework again, quickly. So remember. holding yourself accountable to not being the person who thinks that intellectualization is the thing. It's not the recalling of the story.

[00:40:13] Flynn: That's a flex. The flex is getting into your emotional brain and that's more subtle. It's more felt, but that is 2024 flex. That is the thing. Okay. There's the pattern. What is the pattern? What's the thing that's happening? More importantly, what's the internal state of this pattern, shame, fear, anxiety, and then a little bit of clarity on what I'd prefer the pattern to be just to give myself somewhere to go.

[00:40:39] Flynn: Delight, joy, enthusiasm, whatever. Now, brief recall. What's my earliest memory of that? We move towards that brief recall with or that earliest memory with infinite permission, and. Infinite warm sun, infinite wise, loving grandma energy. And then we see where it takes us. It might be the art class where the healing occurs or the art [00:41:00] class might take you to a memory like with your parents or something like that, or other kids, whatever you'll know as you practice it.

[00:41:07] Flynn: And then we we enter that space with that infinite sunshine energy, trusting that the flowers open is when they sense the sun, not trying to speed the process up, not trying to change anything, not forcing anything to change, just showing up as infinite permission, infinite sunshine. And then we're seeking to learn like what meaning was made here.

[00:41:25] Flynn: So what meaning did you make? About yourself, other people, the world. What did this experience say about you, other people in the world? And then we check in and see, does this part of you does this little kid within you know that you know their name? Check in with that. When they do, that's when you can take your next step, which is checking in to see if they're sensing your warmth.

[00:41:44] Flynn: When they sense your warmth. That is your moment. That is it right there. That is when neuroplasticity can occur. That is when memory reconsolidation can occur. You've unlocked the emotional brain. Now you can change something. So what's the new meaning they'd like to make? Invite [00:42:00] them to use their imagination.

[00:42:01] Flynn: What inspires them? What do they want to create? How do they want mistakes to be? Let them tell you, trusting that they are a flower or a redwood tree who already knows how to become the most beautiful thing in the world. You just have to provide the conditions to allow them to express themselves. And then you, once you get clear in the new meeting, they'd want to make like using disadvantage to immense advantage using mistakes for great opportunities for experimentation, confidence, playfulness, complete the story.

[00:42:28] Flynn: Go back, like even the experience with your parents, like I've seen some people learn that playfulness is actually the thing. And they're just experiencing play even within the context of their parents being scary and fighting with each other. And then it. Somehow inspires their parents to just start dancing and realizing that they're playing such a stupid game by arguing and that they can play such a better game of joy.

[00:42:49] Flynn: So this little kid is then having this experience of immense empowerment where they're like, Oh my God, like my joy and my delight creates an environment. I'm powerful enough to create an environment where these [00:43:00] adults around me develop an intrinsic desire to change their behavior. And it's just because I found joy in play and I have found that is true as fuck.

[00:43:08] Flynn: Like that. is what happens. It's just being the sunshine energy. Creating that environment is the thing that allows other people and things around you to cult to tap into their intrinsic desire for beautiful expression. Okay. So you complete the story with the parents, you go to art class, whatever. And as you complete that story two or three times, running it through, feeling it, savoring it fresh, squeezed orange juice through your body.

[00:43:30] Flynn: Then you then you start to virtualize. So come up with a symbol from nature. Which, which really does work. That's a cool, fun, creative thing to do. I personally go with future self. So what future self does my formerly wounded little chubby eight year old Flynn want to create? Okay. Let him, let me let, I want him to imagine that who is that future self who like loves mistakes.

[00:43:54] Flynn: The 40 year old Flynn, let's get clear on that. What's 40 year old Flynn doing? What outcomes is he producing? Okay, [00:44:00] let's go. The clearer I get on 40 year old Flynn and what he's doing now, I have my path. Now I just have to create that person. And as I create that person, I am transforming and healing unconscious wounds along the way.

[00:44:13] Flynn: I hope you found that fun, insightful, helpful, empowering. I really want you to feel like you. Have a clear process and you know what to do to understand yourself more deeply. It truly is God, it's just the most freeing thing. And ultimately I think the goal, like I was saying earlier is to become this, you're just this.

[00:44:36] Flynn: thing. You're just the infinite warmth, infinite permission. And you watch things internally and externally transformed simply because of your presence. That's the place that I think is where we want to get to. And I'm so glad that you are here as a person who desires to end up at that place. And I'm so glad that I can be here supporting you in the process.

[00:44:56] Flynn: Thank you so much. I hope you have a fantastic [00:45:00] day.