Find Your Lady Tribe

Transformative Pathways to Health and Happiness in Midlife

• Brenda Billings Ridgley • Season 3 • Episode 4

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When menopause approached, it dawned on me: the transformation waiting on the other side was both a challenge and an opportunity. Dr. Andrea Maxim, naturopathic doctor and mindset maestro, joins us to reveal how midlife is not a crisis but a renaissance for women. Together, we traverse the landscape of health and self-discovery, unlocking the synergy between physical well-being and a nourished spirit. Our conversation is a beacon for those seeking to align their life's purpose with genuine joy and a nourished sense of self, highlighting the pivotal role of finding one's tribe and the collective strength it provides.

Weight isn't just about the physical—it's a tapestry woven with our emotional experiences, often serving as a shield from life's slings and arrows. This episode peels back the layers of 'protective weight,' examining how emotional release can lead to profound healing and growth. We confront societal expectations head-on, advocating for a paradigm shift in motherhood and relationships. By championing self-care and demonstrating the power of resilience to our children, we model a legacy of independence and love that outshines any societal mold.

We close the show by sharing the transformative power of gratitude and the art of boundary-setting. We dissect the steps of personal evolution, from cultivating habits that fortify mental pathways to embracing the freedom of saying 'no' without justification. Dr. Maxim and I discuss how the simple act of daily gratitude can illuminate the joyous undercurrent of life, reinforcing that joy is a choice we must actively pursue. So, let's connect, support one another, and remember: our tribe is a source of boundless empowerment, and together, we thrive.

Connect with Dr. Andrea Maxim - www.andreamaxim.com
IG - @themaximmovement 

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Speaker 1:

Welcome back, beautiful souls, to another season of Find your Lady Tribe. My name is Brenda Ridgely, your host. You know there's a certain kind of magic that happens when women of a certain age come together. We've weathered some storms, discovered our strengths and are ready to tap into the wisdom we've accumulated to create our next big thing. This season we're diving deep into the Wall Spring of Longevity. We'll explore how to nurture our minds, bodies and spirits so we can not only live longer but live vibrantly. Whether you're dreaming of traveling, starting a creative pursuit, building an empire or even saving the world Yep, that's right, saving the world. This season is your guide to building the foundation for a life filled with purpose, joy and an unstoppable sense of self. So grab your cup of tea, settle in and get ready to be inspired. But before we get started, I want to remind you to subscribe. Give us a thumbs up if you're enjoying the show and share it with your fellow midlife goddesses. Together, let's create a wave of empowered women who are redefining what it means to age gracefully, powerfully and with a whole lot of Lady Tribe spirit.

Speaker 1:

Welcome, friends, to Find your Lady Tribe. This is a place to connect to your passions, your purpose and, most importantly, your people. This season three is all about longevity, so I've gotten to speak to so many amazing practitioners and thought leaders and people in the medical community that can contribute to this conversation, because we are living better than ever before as midlife women, and how can we boost it, how can we make it better? So that's what we're here to do today, and I couldn't be happier. I am so excited to have a conversation with Dr Andrea Maxim, a naturopathic doctor and master mindset coach. She works with women who are ready to release their health anxiety triggered from past traumatic or emotional events and step fully into their body, confidence, personal power and abundance. Welcome, dr Andrea.

Speaker 2:

Thank you so much for having me. I am so excited to chat about what we're going to chat about today, and what I love the most is this Lady Tribe vibe. I mean, it is so needed and I think this is just such a beautiful space. So thank you for having me.

Speaker 1:

Oh, thank you, it's my pleasure. I totally agree. I think we all need these connections, and so let's just go for it. I want to hear from you, dr Andrea. What is it? Why isn't you do what you do and why are you on this earth? Have you decided?

Speaker 2:

Oh, okay, I'm going to take it from the big question that you just asked. I was on this earth as a healer. I was put here as a healer If I can go into the woo world, my great aunt is one of my guides and she was a healer, and so I knew I was going to be a doctor. And it wasn't until I went into first year university where I realized it is really competitive and conventional medicine was the only way I knew to practice, and so I was just like you know what? I don't want this that badly. And so in my fifth year of university I was doing a thesis research project where we were actually using pieces of peanut to treat peanut allergy in a mouse model, and it was my first exposure that we can use natural elements to treat conventional diseases. And so I started Googling where else can I do this? How can I do this as a career? And naturopathic medicine, like, showed up on the first page.

Speaker 2:

So Google, you know, paved my way, and when I started practicing as a naturopathic doctor, I knew working with women in the weight loss sector was always going to be the place I was going to go and to kind of backtrack as to why I love working with women in that capacity is because when my parents divorced when I was eight, I put on 60 pounds and by the time I was in grade eight I was covered in acne, I had braces and I say this with love and compassion for my little child is I was the ugly duckling. And then, come grade nine, I decided to change my lifestyle, to change my habits, and everything started to shift. But what was really interesting was I didn't realize how much my relationship with my mom shifted as well when I lost the weight, when I lost the acne and there was a wound there around. Well, if I look and be a certain way, then I can be seen and be loved, which, of course, in my 13 year old brain had no concept of. But now, as a older woman, I reflect back on that.

Speaker 2:

So when I started doing some deeper mindset transformation within myself over the last couple of years and got the designation title of master mindset coach, I've now infused this mindset piece with the physical elements of releasing weight, because, especially women that are going through perimenopause into menopause, into post menopause, there's massive identity shifts that start to happen there as well, and so being able to speak to your tribe on this and hopefully bring some new awareness is up is really exciting for me, so this is why I'm here. My voice is my tool.

Speaker 1:

Well, I love it. I mean what you said I am so excited about because, absolutely, the midlife woman has so many transitions and it's mostly stems from identity, because over the years in service to others, we let go of our true selves and we come out at the end when a role changes or shifts or goes away completely like going who am I now, now that I'm not really a mother 24, seven, or maybe I'm not that daughter anymore because my parents passed, or maybe I'm not even a spouse anymore because my my own with that didn't work out. So all these transitions really are shake up our identity. So I appreciate what you share there, dr Andrew. Tell us for those of us who really don't get it and don't know that, when would someone want a naturopath doctor or some medical doctor and what's the distinctive difference, because I think a lot of people are a little foggy about that.

Speaker 2:

That's a beautiful question. So I'm located in Ontario, canada, and in the States, I would say, functional medicine doctors are the equivalent to naturopathic doctors up here. So, just to put that into perspective, a lot of people in the States don't know about naturopaths as much as functional medicine practitioners. In Canada we don't have many functional medicine practitioners, but we have a ton of naturopaths, and it's neither here nor there. The point is and I've spoken to medical doctors about this as well conventional medicine absolutely has a place in everyone's health team. So if you are in an emergency, if you've cut your leg off, if your labs are off the charts, don't come to a naturopath, don't go to a functional medicine practitioner. Get assessed properly by the conventional side of medicine.

Speaker 2:

When it comes to recovery, when it comes to chronic care and when it comes to ailments that, quite frankly, just aren't part of the conventional medicine curriculum to the extent, as in naturopathic and functional medicine world and what I'm talking about here in particular is chronic digestive issues, chronic hormonal issues, weight loss.

Speaker 2:

That is where we shine because it is so multifactorial. So when we're talking about something that involves all of the body, conventional medicine isn't the best at that. That isn't their wheelhouse they're really good at. You have an eye problem. I'm going to fix your eye. You lost a limb. I'm going to find a way to put it back together. But when it comes to looking at the whole person in a space where we have the time and capacity to do extra lab tests, to really sit and get to know the patient, naturopathic medicine and functional medicine really do shine, and so it isn't a one or the other conversation, it's just where are you in your health journey and could you bring on as many healthcare providers as you can onto your team, because this also then includes osteopaths and physiotherapists and nutritionists, and all of these people work beautifully, depending on what your goals are.

Speaker 1:

Well, that was well said. I've never heard it described so well, so thank you. I know many women out there are going oh.

Speaker 2:

I get it now.

Speaker 1:

That's so helpful. Thank you so much, dr Mestrack. Absolutely so. I want to specialize in helping hairy menopausal women release what you call protective weight. What do you mean by protective weight and how do you address that specifically?

Speaker 2:

Well, I'm sure you can, I'm sure you can understand that as a woman, even for me I'm the eldest daughter of the two children in my family there's an instant level of responsibility we carry. There's an instant identity, and I'm not saying instant To be glib, it's often just within us. At least the women I tracked in my tribe get this, and I've been attracted to you, so we're probably one in the same the good girl syndrome. There's also this natural Nurturer that we have within us to take care of everyone in our world, usually at the expense of our own happiness. And so when we get older, think of every decade, every significant event, everything that you go through, good or bad. So this could be transitioning into being a mum for the first time, getting married, losing a parent, you know, ending a relationship, as you spoke about in the beginning. Think of it as putting on maybe one or two pounds of emotional baggage. Maybe it's five pounds, maybe it's a fifty pound Big rock, and we carry it around on our backpack. And while we can't actually see it and no woman ever would carry around an extra hundred pounds On your shoulders we do.

Speaker 2:

And so what I've been noticing as I've done my own work is that a lot of what we carry is Tied to the emotions we haven't yet released from our neurology. So if we really think about it and a lot of women don't want to necessarily Admit to this but if there's any sense of frustration, irritability or resentment in your life anywhere, that shows up as anger or rage in the body and Anger and rage are very fiery emotions and the only safe place for them to hide is muscles, joints and fat cells, because it's fire and Water doesn't mix with fat. So once we start to let the body go, it's it's amazing at how women just feel lighter. Instantly. That backpack finally drops to the ground. Perhaps the chronic pain that they've been suffering from in their lower back or legs or knees is Instantly gone, because we finally release those emotions that up until that point we didn't want to face.

Speaker 2:

And so what I love to do is create that space where I'm like we're gonna go there. It's not gonna be awful. You won't be a blubbering pile of goo on the floor, I promise yes, but we have to go there now. Enough is enough. So I imagine there's parts of that that you can resonate with as well, just being a woman we put we carry around so much, we have so much guilt and shame and especially being a mom, it's like all mom guilt. You know, that's like the badge of honor.

Speaker 1:

Yeah, mom, guilt never ends, even with almost adult children. It just, it really never ends. And then there you're right, and I don't know why we do that to ourselves, as we are such caretakers at heart. I think that we let that overcome and just consume us.

Speaker 2:

And here's the interesting part about it, though, is the societal norm says this is how we should look, feel, be, act, but what I love to expose to women is you don't have to. So what I love is you shared the mom. Guilt never goes away. But what if you changed your perspective on parenting and recognize that you're actually not responsible for your children's happiness? What if we shifted parenting to? My only role here is to be a source of unconditional love and you're on your own, and that isn't something that's spoken about, certainly not in Western society or my children.

Speaker 2:

I know you have kids. They're seven and nine, and so what I really shifted my perspective on is they are adults in their own right, even though they're seven and nine. Their neurology is good. They're not fully developed yet, but why not teach them the skills to be independent, to be okay? When they come to mom and they're sad, of course it hurts me, but it isn't my wound to take on for them. My job is just to hold space and say how can I be there for you? And as we say that, what does that shift for you? Even thinking about your it feels lovely.

Speaker 1:

It just feels like a lovely way to nurture them, yet not be tied to so tightly, I guess, to it.

Speaker 2:

I mean, that's what it untethers you from that mom grip around them, which we assume is us being good parents. This is me showing love, that I'm willing to take their wounds on, I'm willing to take their pain on, but it isn't yours. And what you're actually allowing your kids to do, when you shift that perspective and perhaps create new boundaries, is you're showing them that they're actually a lot more resourceful than they think they are. They're actually a lot stronger than they think they are. So anytime we take our energy back, when we really say you know what, I'm gonna focus on me. You know shit, I'm gonna actually prioritize self-care.

Speaker 2:

Everyone around you doesn't I know it's a crazy thing to even put out there, but everyone around you doesn't implode, they don't turn into vapor. They're not like oh my God, mom is taking an hour away from us. What do we do? They're just like okay, cool, I'm gonna go call my friend, or cool, I'm just gonna go watch a show downstairs, or cool, you know what, I'm gonna talk to my own therapist, or I'm gonna find somebody else who I can talk to about these things. And that's a really beautiful new way to approach relationships.

Speaker 1:

Yeah, and you're being a role model for them about how to be an adult, yeah Right, and have a life, maybe I think, yeah, they want that. Hey, lady, just wanted to take a moment and interrupt right now in the middle of the show to ask you to subscribe. Yes, press that button right now. This show is all about you, the midlife woman. Let's do this thing together. So join us, subscribe now. So I think this is a great transition. So you advocate that women communicate healthy boundaries, right. So, as a doctor, why do you find this so important in the healing journey?

Speaker 2:

Anywhere where there's drama, there's no boundary, If I can just make a very flat statement. So anywhere in your world where you're not getting what you want, it's because there aren't boundaries in place to allow you to get those things. And the biggest thing, if you were to say, is it time, money or energy that you need the most, Like I mean, we all say all of them, but if you were to pick one, what would it be?

Speaker 1:

Oh gosh, I mean money, money fair.

Speaker 2:

So the next question would be where is it that I could be attracting more money into my world and where is it that I haven't created the time or energy to go out and do that or learn those skills or show up to my mission in a different way? So that's the play here. Wherever you aren't getting enough or you don't have enough time, money and energy, there's just a boundary that's missing and for a lot of us, it's being convicted with our schedule. You know the overachieving type A I can do it all. Independent, strong female has like a year's worth of shit on her to-do list and she wants to get it done in 24 hours. Right and sleep and, you know, have energy at the end of the day.

Speaker 1:

And we have these unrealistic expectations and it feels like a loser when she doesn't get it all done. You got it right.

Speaker 2:

Yeah, we're seeking the dopamine rewards in our Starbucks orders, in our app games, in our Instagram scrolling, blah, blah, blah, because we aren't fulfilling the dopamine reward in our real lives. So if we need to install a boundary like, here's a beautiful one. I have a wonderful relationship with my dad, and I don't know if your parents are still alive and what your relationship is. My dad has suffered from chronic anxiety and depression my whole life, so he does have this anxious kind of dark cloud around him that, as a healer, I really have to protect myself against. So my dad and I get together once a week for no more than two hours and we don't talk on the phone or interact at any other point of time in the week, and that allows me to stay in my lane when we have our visit. I know that I'm here for that limited amount of time I can protect myself, I can be there and present with him and then, when it's done, I can move on. But prior to that, he would call all the time. He would call me throughout the week. He would just throw me off my week or out of my flow and I became really resentful. And he obviously that's going to come through on the phone, because we talk to our parents way different than we do our friends. And that's what I mean by how you can maintain relationships, you can conserve energy, you can create time by just installing some healthy boundaries of what that looks like, feels like, sounds like. And I do the same thing with my girls, and I don't know if you did it when your kids were younger, but I trained them.

Speaker 2:

When mom's laptop is open, what does that mean? They're like mom's working and I say, ok, so when mom's working, can I be interrupted? No, ok, so when I close the laptop, you are welcome to come back and ask me all the questions you want to. And the consequence you always have to establish a consequence with every healthy boundary. So it's like a game. If you and I were going to play Monopoly, first thing we do is we say what are the rules? Again, I haven't played Monopoly in forever. In fact, it's like my least favorite game, so let's change it. What's your favorite game? Oh, my favorite game.

Speaker 1:

Oh, my favorite game, oh my gosh, wow, maybe.

Speaker 2:

Battleship or something. Well, battleship is a great one. So before you and I engage in battleship, I say do you remember the rules? The rules are, I go, then you go and here's what the pegs mean. Now, are you willing to play by the rules, yes or no? And if you decide to cheat, we're going to stop the game and we're not going to play.

Speaker 2:

So creating a boundary is just that simple. We establish a time to talk about what the new rules are, we make sure everyone is an agreement that you understand and we establish a consequence. So, in the example of my dad calling me throughout the week, I'm just like I'm busy. Is there something I can help you with? Cool, just checking in. Awesome, have a great night. It's no more than a minute. If my girls come and interrupt me and my laptop's open, I say, well, I'm not going to answer you until my laptop is closed, so you have to wait now, and then they'll often go find dad, right Again. Give them more choices, resources, right. So if you engage in life that way, where everything is neutral, everything's really clear, you can do this with everybody in your life children, partners and older parents. Everyone can play by these rules, so long as everyone knows what the rules are and you uphold the consequence.

Speaker 1:

That is excellent and, I'm gonna be honest, I did not do that well with my children that, but maybe as adult children, I can reset it up a better way, and that's all we can do, right.

Speaker 2:

Yeah, it's. You can only do the best you can with the tools and resources you have at the time. So again, what's ever happened in the past really doesn't exist anyway. But could we take these new tools that you're listening to from me, that your audience is listening to, and say you know what? I am gonna install one new boundary this week and I'm just gonna try it out. Let's just see what happens. But you have to uphold it three times in a row for it to stick, and if you get lax on it you have to re-stack it all over again, and you have to uphold it three times.

Speaker 1:

I like the three-time rule. I use that in a lot of different areas, so that's really good stuff. So I understand you've developed a system called the three phases of divine confidence and or a method of sorts. Would you tell us a little more about that?

Speaker 2:

Sure. So the divine confidence method is my two to four month weight release program that I do with my women, and it first starts with releasing and rewiring. So we have to see what's in that backpack, let it all go so that the neurology is wide open. Then we have an ordeal phase, and what the ordeal means it sounds scary than it is is where I'm gonna task you with new habits, with new things for you to do to really show that new neurology.

Speaker 2:

I want this, I'm ready to get this, I want the body and life that I have been dreaming of. And then, finally, we have the routine queen phase, where now you get to move on and live in this beautiful intuitive lifestyle with new tools, with new resources and with a lot better awareness and emotional regulation and I can't think of one woman who wouldn't benefit from that. And shit knows, I've done it for years and I'm still growing and evolving, as I'm sure you are. It is just so beautiful when you start to even learn how to communicate with other humans so you can get your needs met. That's like just part of the prize of doing this work.

Speaker 1:

Hmm, that sounds wonderful. Yes, I think many women can relate and would just long for that, so it sounds like a great system. So, gosh, do you have, as we're kind of wrapping up here, do you have any one or two or three longevity tips? I'm kind of just throwing this out there for you, for women in particular, that we might want to embrace it. Just something, a little shift maybe.

Speaker 2:

Yes, okay. My favorite one, which sounds simple in thought and harder and execution, is to say no to something you don't want to do every single day. No is a complete sentence, and that could be something as small as someone says can I bring you a glass of water? And you say no, and that's cool. It could also be could you drive me to my doctor's appointment? No, and the biggest part is you don't need to explain your know. So if you can start doing that every day and maybe every day is too much, maybe once a week and eventually things will shift anyway where you won't have to do it much at all, start there. I think that's a beautiful place to start to own your power, own your energy, own your time.

Speaker 2:

The other thing that I really encourage every woman to do is gratitude five, three to five things every single night. And why does this play into perimenopause and menopause? Well, as I said, a lot of us are going through our family dynamic, often with some resentment or irritation or frustration, because you know we're just not getting what we need, we're not getting the care that we need, we don't think we have the time, the money, whatever. And what I find is writing down three to five things you're grateful for, whether it's on a phone app or in a journal, even if it's something like I'm grateful for baths. I'm grateful that I'm speaking to you today.

Speaker 2:

I'm grateful for this podcast. I'm grateful that the sky was blue and the sun was shining. It doesn't have to be anything profound Could be. I'm grateful for snuggles with my kids. I'm grateful for that amazing phone call with my mom. I'm grateful for chips. You know when we have those days, but it starts to shift your perspective on how much joy you actually do have in your life. And I know there was a time, even this year, where I felt like shit, where's my joy, where's my passion? Why do I feel like my life isn't good enough? And I started gratitating. I was like you know what? I've got a lot that I can really be grateful for. Have you ever done that before?

Speaker 1:

Oh my gosh, yes, and I mean I want to comment on both things that you've said, and I guess I'll start with the second one. First, gratitude. I think a lot of people have an assumption that maybe people like you or even me, who are like experts in different areas, just have it all together all the time and always feel good and we don't have those ebbs and flows. But oh my gosh, ladies, we do. We do. It is something that each day is a decision and a management point. And reaching for tools like gratitude, absolutely, you have joy available at your beck and call every day. Yeah, you do, and it is a choice and a decision. It's not just, doesn't just happen.

Speaker 2:

Girl it does not.

Speaker 1:

And as far as I love that first one, saying no more often. I mean, ladies, how many of you are always saying yes to things you don't want to do? Always, it's the first thing, of course I can. Yes, of course, because that's the way we were programmed. I had to go off a full 180 and just start saying no to everything for a while and did anybody?

Speaker 2:

around you implode. No, no, no. And here's the deal, though.

Speaker 1:

You can change your mind and say yes. It's harder to say yes and then change it back to no, or it?

Speaker 2:

can be a no with conditions. No not to be. No, not today. But I have three to four tomorrow. Yes or no, not today, unless you bring the kids over in pajamas with a pizza, meaning. Like if the question was could you watch my kids? No, I can't. But if you bring them to my house with pizza and they're in their jammies, that's cool. They can take care of themselves and I can be an adult in the house, so you can do that as well. Where it's not like a yes, I'll take care of everything.

Speaker 1:

Love it. Love it Okay so tell us all how we can find you, Dr Andrea.

Speaker 2:

Yes, so the place that I play the most is on Instagram at the Maxim movement, and just drop me a DM, say that you came from this show and I'd love to chat.

Speaker 1:

Oh, I love it. So the most important question how do you tribe?

Speaker 2:

Yes, ma'am. So I have some of my best and deepest relationships from the tribes that I've created online, and so I have a voxer group that I just drop in and just be like girls. I'm having one of those days, or girls, my back just completely blew out because of so much anger. That I'm holding on to right now Because, like you said, we feel our feelings too. We have those moments, and it shows up physically for me as well, and I also purposely joined a community of women that do spiritual work, that do the deeper work, where our connection is about sharing the deepest, scariest, darkest parts of us, because that's what I know I need the most healing in. So I've just surrounded myself with groups where there is no hiding in, it's not superficial, and it's been so rewarding to have those people literally in my back pocket.

Speaker 1:

Wonderful. Yes, ladies, you need all of these resources.

Speaker 1:

You need places to connect, you need people, your people, where you can be vulnerable and maybe it's because maybe in some situations it is more of a faceless community of support, online or whatever. But whatever it is, when you need support, just it's important to go out and find it. So, oh, dr Andrea, thank you so much for being here. This has been a really great conversation that I've enjoyed so much and I know all of our listeners are going to appreciate. So, between you and me and all of our listeners, when three or more gather, we are tribe. Thanks for being here.

Speaker 2:

Thank you so much.

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