Find Your Lady Tribe

Navigating Menopause: Mastering Midlife Waves with Lisa Boate

• Brenda Billings Ridgley • Season 3 • Episode 18

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Embarking on a midlife transformation can feel like navigating through uncharted territories. Join me, Brenda Ridgely, and special guest Lisa Boate, a menopause coach and podcast host, as we unravel the complex tapestry of challenges and opportunities that come with this chapter of life. From saying goodbye to a demanding education career to embracing the journey of self-care and certification in menopause coaching, Lisa opens up about the personal shifts that led her here. Lisa brings a wealth of knowledge from her own experiences, creating a space for us to discuss the underestimated impact of menopause on professional life and the importance of reimagining a vibrant future.

Workplace cultures often shy away from addressing menopause, leaving many women to navigate its symptoms without support. In this episode, we tackle the taboo and shine a light on how embracing this natural phase can lead to empowerment rather than withdraw. I share my journey through perimenopausal symptoms that once clouded my days, and Lisa share s how education and awareness brought clarity not only to herself but to the potential for organizations to foster menopause-friendly environments. We delve into the economic costs of unsupported symptoms and the need for workplace adaptations that acknowledge the wealth of experience mature women bring to the table.

Friendships and community become even more crucial as we transition through life's stages.  Lisa and I stress the importance of such relationships in ensuring that no one walks their path alone. So gather your headphones, and let's affirm together the potential to craft a life filled with purpose, joy, and a resonating sense of belonging within your Lady Tribe.

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Speaker 1:

Welcome back, beautiful souls, to another season of Find your Lady Tribe. My name is Brenda Ridgely, your host. You know there's a certain kind of magic that happens when women of a certain age come together. We've weathered some storms, discovered our strengths and are ready to tap into the wisdom we've accumulated to create our next big thing. This season we're diving deep into the wall spring of longevity. We'll explore how to nurture our minds, bodies and spirits so we can not only live longer but live vibrantly. Whether you're dreaming of traveling, starting a creative pursuit, building an empire or even saving the world Yep, that's right, saving the world. This season is your guide to building the foundation for a life filled with purpose, joy and an unstoppable sense of self. So grab your cup of tea, settle in and get ready to be inspired. But before we get started, I want to remind you to subscribe. Give us a thumbs up if you're enjoying the show and share it with your fellow midlife goddesses. Together, let's create a wave of empowered women who are redefining what it means to age gracefully, powerfully and with a whole lot of Lady Tribe spirit.

Speaker 1:

Welcome, my friends, to Find your Lady Tribe. Lady Tribe spirit. Welcome my friends to Find your Lady Tribe. This is a place to connect to your passions, your purpose and your people, and this season is all about living our best lives and creating habits now that will extend and enhance our experience, right Okay. So today I am so eager to have this conversation with Lisa Boat. Lisa is a menopause coach, a consultant and host of the Transforming 45 podcast. With a background in education, she specializes in empowering women through the challenges of midlife, including perimenopause and menopause transitions. Lisa's mission is to transform workplaces into menopause-friendly environments, fostering understanding, support and empowerment for women. Through her podcast and coaching, she provides guidance, resources and inspiration for women navigating this transformative phase of life. Welcome, lisa, I am so excited that you are here.

Speaker 2:

Thanks, brenda. Thanks for having me on the show. Any day I get to have a conversation with another powerful woman is a good day, so I'm looking forward to this.

Speaker 1:

It's an excellent day. Yes, thank you Awesome. So just to kind of get us started, Lisa, why don't you just kick us off by sharing a little bit more about you and why you do what you do?

Speaker 2:

Yeah, the reason I do what I do is a bit it's a bit of a winding road. So I was an educator for 20 years and there was a lot of time where I left my job and I felt like I was really making a difference. And then COVID happened and I don't know about you, but most conversations I have lately have this caveat in the story now and it's and then COVID happened. And when COVID happened, I was in a position where I was supporting other educators around how to create digital environments and how to, so I was in a support, and through that process I realized just how much the toll that this job was taking, not just on me, but on everybody.

Speaker 2:

And in my last year of education, I was teaching grade six online and I got to a point where my hair was falling out and I was crying on the way home from work every day. And it wasn't because my class was really challenging. I actually really loved those kids, but the pressures of the system were shifting and changing so much that I couldn't find my. I felt like I couldn't find my way in that system anymore, and so I was really questioning what am I doing here and is it worth the impact that is having on my health. So that was one part of the story, and the other part of the story is that my children were coming into their late teen years, and I tell the story a lot, but it's really impactful.

Speaker 2:

I was sitting on my back deck having a drink, having a cup of tea, one day and I thought I'm on the other side of everything I ever imagined for my life, ever imagined for my life. Whoa, okay, so what does that mean? And what now? And how is it that I have never thought about this part of my life? Which means that, if that is true, it means that there's very little representation or narrative around what this phase of womanhood, motherhood, looks like, and that is where I feel drawn and called. So I resigned from teaching and I took a very large leap of faith into into this world and it is not without's challenges, and I absolutely love it.

Speaker 1:

Oh my gosh, Lisa, I can't even. There's so many things I want to say and just I see you, I get you, I understand. First of all, my husband also supports educators and his base supports the teacher. He supported the teachers through this and he would come home and tell me the stories of these teachers just like you described, just crying, so upset and frustrated because what a difficult thing that was and what superheroes all of our teachers are and to do this important work. So you know I love you for that and you describe your journey much like I do in my book, lady in the Tribe. That's why I do what I do as well. You get to the end of our children, raising our children, in a way not that we don't always support them, but you feel like you've checked all the boxes.

Speaker 2:

Yeah, exactly, the role becomes really different, right, and the thing that surprised me more than anything was how quickly that transition happened. I really thought it would sort of be this gradual, like gradual release, as I was used to in the education world, and it's not at all. The shift at this phase of parenting is almost as instant as it was having a new human, which I was did not anticipate and I was not, I was not ready for. And so that instantaneous shift in identity, just like it happens when you have a new human, and suddenly you're a totally different person than you were 30 seconds ago. It is that kind of shift again, but in the reverse.

Speaker 2:

And I don't know about you, but one of the things I find I am really working through right now is this all of my life, up until this point, I have been striving towards something, and so the sort of calls back to that I'm on the other side of everything I've ever wanted for my life. It was, you know, the, the first job, the first house, the first kid, the first, all those things. And that is no longer the context of my life. It was, you know, the first job, the first house, the first kid, the first, all those things.

Speaker 2:

And that is no longer the context of my life and I was not prepared for what that would feel like.

Speaker 1:

Yeah, yeah, I think you call it instantaneous. It was. It's like an aha moment, but it's almost more like an uh-oh moment. It's like, who am I?

Speaker 2:

Yeah, who am I now?

Speaker 1:

You know, with all this I poured into kind of going their own direction. So, oh my gosh, I could talk for days about this, but I do want to get to more, more of the nitty gritty of your topic. So let's talk. You really are an advocate for supporting women and growing the message of menopause and acceptance. So can you share a defining moment or experience that led you to focus on menopause, empowerment in the workplace, of all things, and yeah, how is it?

Speaker 1:

How is it, you know, shaped your approach to coaching and now in consulting as well?

Speaker 2:

Yeah, thank you for that, and it is really tied. It's actually tied to the conversation we were having, because when I started coaching, I was working in an empty nest space and, as I was working with women in that space, I always come at everything from a very holistic approach, and so there were always things coming up that were happening with the physical body and I was also starting to have my own perimenopause experience, but I didn't know it. So I went and I took a really powerful course and I got my menopause coaching certification and while I was doing that course, I started to unravel some of my own story and things that had been happening to me. And as I look back now on the last couple of years of my career, I understand now that perimenopause was actually playing a significant role in that it was in brain fog, in lack of energy, in sometimes finding words was hard, which is really challenging when you're teaching online and words and words are mostly what you've got. Um, there were that just the capacity, the lack of capacity to manage all of the things that I had managed before, and that showed itself. You know, I talked about some of the physical experiences that I had managed before, and that showed itself.

Speaker 2:

You know, I talked about some of the physical experiences that I was having. That was showing itself both in my physical health and in my mental health, and I had no idea because I had like perimenopause was a term that was maybe on the periphery of my knowledge or understanding, and so, as I was doing the learning and understanding the role it played in my own world, I realized if I don't know what's happening in my own body, chances are the majority of other women out there at this phase also have no idea, right, right. So that's when I started shifting really to this focus, and then, in October, the Menopause Foundation of Canada because that's where I am, I'm just north of Toronto released a report that was called Menopause at Work. In it, for example, it is costing the Canadian economy $3.5 billion in unsupported menopause symptoms. So that's, you know, a financial tell.

Speaker 2:

The one that really got me in the heart, though, because it was also so close to my own experience, was that one in 10 women are leaving the workforce at the peak of their abilities the peak of their abilities due to unsupported menopause and sometimes, like in my case, unknown menopause and perimenopause symptoms. Wow, yeah, and it was that that really lit a fire? So that research, the understanding that I had in my own experience sort of all came together in this perfect storm of. This is the work I need to be doing.

Speaker 1:

I was gonna say the perfect storm, absolutely this midlife time of life with all the transitions that are happening, and then on top of it, hormones. And I remember, and I remember myself and even even now I'm just looking back I bet that was perimenopause. I remember walking around, kind of just going all the time like and the people like what's wrong nothing. I'm just, you know, not particularly motivated about anything or not particularly excited about anything, and it was this energy thing that I couldn't get a handle on. What was what's wrong with me?

Speaker 2:

Yeah, absolutely. And so many people find themselves in that space Because, I mean, the symptoms that we know about are hot flushes and night sweats, right, those are the two that get the most airplay, the two that get the most airplay, and they are, they are like the butt of the joke, right? So it's, people use it as a joke and yes, like I'm not saying we have to be super serious all the time, like, having a sense of humor is important. However, what I, what I talk about a lot with those two symptoms is that hot flushes and night sweats are no joking matter. They're actually vasomotor events. So they are your cardiovascular systems way of saying, hey, there's shifts going on in here and we don't have the same kind of protection that we used to.

Speaker 2:

So the fluctuation in estrogen and progesterone are actually your body's way of communicating, right they are. They are communicating to the systems in your body and then they are communicating to you and your consciousness. So when I say it's the body's way of communicating, it's because estrogen has protective factors for essentially every system in your body. It's not just about reproduction, right, it has, like I mentioned, cardiovascular digestive for your mental health and well-being. Estrogen plays a role in all of those.

Speaker 2:

One of the things that people will come to me with is what I was talking about earlier brain fog or word recall issues. And it's because that part of your brain has estrogen receptors and it's because that part of your brain has estrogen receptors. So when estrogen is no longer there and lighting up those receptors, they're not functioning in the way that they did before, which is why we have brain fog and why we have difficulty recalling words. So it's really powerful messages when we know to listen to them in that way, because when we listen to them in that way, then we can respond in turn. So when our cardiovascular system says we don't have the same kind of protection, it doesn't mean that well, like, well, that's just it now, like we're on the downward slide. It just means we have to give to our bodies more.

Speaker 1:

Yes, yes, and I don't know if you follow Dr. I think it, as menopause is a time of great liberation right it's.

Speaker 2:

I will not deny that there are challenging elements to it. Of course there are. We're not going to pretend that there isn't. However, it also is a time where all of the roles that we have used to define ourselves are falling away and now we get to be like the honest truth of who we are, and that means having the space and time to actually get to know ourselves in ways that we never have before. Right, in my case, I can think back to all of the decisions I made in my life. Not that I regret them. They put me in a good place. However, they were made under the gaze and of other people. Right, even when I was making decisions about what I wanted to do when I was young, it was still. There was still give and take in the relationship with my family, with my parents. Right, even though I thought I was making fully independent choices, I was not.

Speaker 2:

Right and also the the hormonal roller coaster we are on as women that's definitely going to play into your decision making oh yeah, absolutely, absolutely, and it's why it's so powerful to have knowledge of what that cycle looks like, from the beginning to the end, right? So we spend time in school learning about puberty and menstruation, and, even though the knowledge around that isn't what it needs to be either, at least there is. There is knowledge, right, there is learning. We learn about that component, and then there's sort of like well, and then eventually, one day you'll get to menopause and you'll stop having a period, and that's essentially the end of the conversation, when that needs to be the beginning of the conversation, right? So actually knowing how our, how our hormone cycles, how our bodies transition over our lifespan gives us a lot more power and agency in what we do, because the younger we start putting good routines in place, the more gracefully you can move through perimenopause and menopause.

Speaker 1:

Nice. Well, I truly believe that you know we, as midlife and beyond women, are here to do something really important we, our work is not done. So let's talk about the workplace here a little bit, and what are, share with us some of the common misconceptions or challenges surrounding the menopause topic at the workplace specifically, and how can, how do you specifically help organizations as a consultant, address these issues and create a more supportive and inclusive environment for women?

Speaker 2:

Yeah. So, going back to what I said earlier about that report, women often at this phase are seen as less valuable, which is a significant misconception, because I can use myself as an example of this. But I was expensive. After 20 years of being in an institution one I brought my own education with me. I had 20 years of professional development provided to me by my employer. I had 20 years of experience. The last five years of my career I also supported educators from K to 12, which meant I had institutional knowledge of our system from top to bottom. And I was a presenter at the provincial level so I was connected to the rest of the school boards around the province, bringing back the most current research practices from other places. So I was tremendously expensive to my institution.

Speaker 1:

Well, I would say valuable.

Speaker 2:

Yeah, yes, that's what I mean by expensive.

Speaker 1:

Yeah.

Speaker 2:

Not only the investment they made in me, but that, yeah, I had. I had valuable knowledge and wisdom. Yes, and that is true of the majority of women who are in positions in their organizations. They have institutional wisdom and knowledge. They have years of wisdom and can be tremendous mentors and leaders in their institutions, but because their health needs are often go unmet, workplaces become untenable, and so you see humans like me exiting the workforce in that capacity because it was my health and my humanness, or I was going to keep working, but both of them could not exist at the same time, and that does not have to be the case.

Speaker 2:

So the places where we focus in working with workplaces are one visioning, with leadership of organizations and corporations so they understand what's happening in their workforce, professional learning for everyone who is in that space, policy review and writing, and that is one of the key pieces, because actually getting policy in place that supports things like having an adaptable environment, being able to choose to work from home. And then one of the things that I really work with is communication strategy, right? So, like most things, the better the communication strategy, the healthier the ecosystem is wherever you are working. So, yes, I come at this from a menopause lens, but when there is better communication practice in place, it's better for the entire organizational structure and organizational culture.

Speaker 1:

Absolutely Amen, sister. Yes, hey, lady, just wanted to take a moment and interrupt right now in the middle of the show to ask you to subscribe. Yes, press that button right now. This show is all about you, the midlife woman. Let's do this thing together, so join us, subscribe now. What are some of the common misconceptions or challenges surrounding menopause in the workplace? You know, let's just start there.

Speaker 2:

Yeah, well, one, it just isn't talked about.

Speaker 1:

Yeah.

Speaker 2:

Right, like I don't know listeners. If you were out there and you have fabulous conversations about menopause in your workplace, please tell me. I love to hear about those examples, but they are, but they just aren't there. And where it shows up is in things like benefit usage and absenteeism in leaves, and if businesses and organizations look at their numbers in those places, they're going to see the story of what is happening. And one of the misconceptions, I think, is that there isn't any way to get better, like if you hit if you hit menopause and you're having these experiences.

Speaker 2:

Well, that's just the way it is now and unfortunately, that is often the answer that women get when they go to healthcare practitioners.

Speaker 2:

Because, I mean, most people who are healthcare practitioners are caring people who want to help and they have not had the necessary education.

Speaker 2:

Very few, very few healthcare practitioners will say oh yeah, I had a ton of knowledge and wisdom built around menopause and perimenopause, how it impacts the body and what to do about it. So often when women are having menopause symptoms or perimenopause symptoms and they go to their healthcare practitioner, it gets misdiagnosed as depression and then they get put on antidepressants and that can, that can have really detrimental effects when it's actually a fluctuation in estrogen and progesterone, and what really needs to happen is to look at menopause hormone therapy, because that has a more holistic result for women who are in that phase. Now again, my position is never to say you should do this or you should not do this. My position is to say here's the information. So I created a how to advocate for yourself guide that women can take with them to healthcare practitioners that have a series of questions, as well as research that is linked, that they can share and give to their healthcare practitioner and say here, this is what the most current research is.

Speaker 1:

That is wonderful because sadly they need it. I mean, I read recently that even OBGYNs only 5% of them are really trained on menopause and beyond.

Speaker 2:

Yeah, absolutely, it's just it's. Women's bodies are complicated and so, with the path of least resistance when we're looking at research, we just weren't incorporated. Because we have so many anomalies, because every one of us is different, because every of every woman's experience of menopause or perimenopause is completely different. Yes, there are some similar trends that happen, but I have you know, I've talked to women that have everything from just one day my period stopped and I didn't notice anything else to. It destroyed my marriage. I couldn't work anymore to like the whole spectrum is there. I couldn't work anymore to like the whole spectrum is there. And the research is burgeoning.

Speaker 2:

And when you said earlier, you know, women of our age and our generation have a lot to say. I feel like this is the work of women of our generation is to start really championing what this phase means, what it looks like, what the potential is here. Because if we can provide the appropriate support for women in the workplace and, to be frank, all humans like everything that I talk about in terms of menopause support is just good for humans in general. So the more supportive workplaces we can create, the more we can keep people in a place where they are comfortable and can continue to do the really important work that they do with just two or three fast start tips on like okay, I'm in the workplace or I want to work again or whatever, wherever they're at, but I'm going through this stuff.

Speaker 1:

How do I address, how do I approach my employer with this kind of these issues?

Speaker 2:

Yeah, it's. That's a really great question and I would say the place to start is to start with policy and go in and say these are the things I'm experiencing. There's nothing in our healthcare policy that supports me in these areas, or there's, there's a. I need a pelvic health specialist and that's not covered in our benefits. I need menopause hormone therapy it's not included in our benefits. I need to be able to work from home some days when it's it's not going to be a good idea for anybody If I come into the office on days when I have a raging hormone headache.

Speaker 2:

Where I can do work from home, where I can control the, where I can control what's happening around me, so I can continue to be productive, but we don't have any policy about that.

Speaker 2:

So let's let's start talking about ways that we can put that into policy and then do some learning so that everybody in the organization knows and understands what's happening to women at this phase, so that we can communicate better.

Speaker 2:

So when I was talking earlier, the other, the communication strategy actually is built on the Ontario kindergarten curriculum, because all good things come from kindergarten, but it's around knowing and naming, acknowledging and then asking for help. So that's the communication strategy, and that is a strategy that everyone can use. So, going back to that example of if I am having a hormone headache in the morning and I can't work from home and I have to come into the office, then what I can do is, when I arrive, say to the people who are around me hey, I just want you to know, this is what I'm experiencing today. This is how you might see it show up in the work that I'm doing today. See it show up in the work that I'm doing today. If you see that let's use this sentence as a way to communicate like you're seeing it, so that I know that it's having an impact, and then I'm going to feel comfortable to ask for help and say you know what? You are absolutely right, that is what's happening right now.

Speaker 2:

Could you go and do this meeting for me happening right now? Could you go and do this meeting for me? So there's a really clear way to be able to open up that space, to be to be honest about what we're experiencing as humans, instead of just putting on our armor and barreling through at the cost of ourselves, at the cost of if we're looking at it from the corporation, at the cost of ourselves, at the cost of if we're looking at it from the corporation, at the cost of productivity, of corporate culture, of staff interactions and decreased revenue at the end of the day, really Like if we want to put that kind of pin in it it's possible, absolutely.

Speaker 2:

So it's really that simple, right Like. All we have to do is shift the way we communicate and support each other and we can make a space where everybody is having a more positive experience in the workplace.

Speaker 1:

Well, I think that's excellent advice and I'm just kind of thinking here for someone who is assertive and direct like we may be. There are many out there that would probably really have a problem having that conversation. Yeah absolutely, I need strategies for that to come.

Speaker 2:

Yeah, it's and it is. I'm going to say it's not easy because it's not like this conversation is mainstream yet Right, it's still like when I was branding my business, I was talking to a colleague who I love and adore and she said do you have to use the word menopause in there? I was like, yeah, yes, I do, because that's what we're talking about and we need to start removing the layers of shame. Because that's what we're talking about and we need to start removing the layers of shame. And often people will ask me like why do you think this conversation isn't being had? And I'm like because of shame.

Speaker 2:

Shame around women's bodies, how they function, what our role is, shame on everything Aging, yes, yeah, the shame that comes around aging. And so it is. It is not easy, but it is really important. You deserve to be seen and valued, and so maybe that's it, and it might just be an internal shift to start of knowing that you deserve to be valued, you deserve to have space in your organization, you deserve to be seen as valuable, no matter what phase you are at. And so give yourself some time to just keep saying that statement over and over and over again, because once that starts to be ingrained, then it becomes a little bit more reasonable to ask for what you need and at the end of the day, that's all this is. It's just asking for what you need right.

Speaker 1:

Well, maybe a strategy could be to even put it in writing for yourself in a way that's comfortable to you. To present it in that way Because I know when things are an emotional topic for me, then just as clear, I can go over a few times and present it in a way that, hey, these are some thoughts.

Speaker 2:

I have you know I love working here in a way that, hey, these are some thoughts I have. You know, I love working here.

Speaker 1:

Yeah. Or or also reach out to a menopause consultant. Right there you go.

Speaker 2:

Yeah, she'll help you and say hey, this person has some really interesting ideas about how we can shift our workplace and let me like bring someone like me in who can do that language for you. Great idea.

Speaker 1:

Excellent idea, awesome. Well, lisa, I hate to even stop because but we're getting to the end of our time. Where do our listeners find you?

Speaker 2:

Yeah, you can find me all over the place. So I am on LinkedIn at Lisa Boat. I am on Instagram at Elle Boat. You can find me at transforming45, my podcast, which is on all listening platforms. My website is liberatedmenopauseca, and all of my information is there as well, and that guide that I mentioned earlier about advocating. I'll make sure that, brenda, you get the link and you can include that in the show notes for people so that you can, so that listeners can access that, because it's it's really helpful.

Speaker 1:

I'm going to grab a copy for sure. So thank you for that gift. We appreciate it so much. All right, my final question. This is the big one. Yeah, lisa, how do you tribe?

Speaker 2:

Yeah, we were talking about this just a little bit before we started the show and I wanted to be really honest that at this transitional phase it can be hard Because all of the like I said earlier, all the ways we defined ourselves are changing, that our kids played and suddenly they're not doing that anymore and I don't have the same kind of contact or connection with the people who made up that community for so long. And so I think there's a couple of things here, and it is one give yourself some grace and really think about at this at this time, who are the people that I really want to be in my life, and it might mean that there's a little bit of extra effort. That happens now whether it's like I've been. Actually I've been thinking about this myself because I have a group of girlfriends who, when our kids were little and for 12 or 13 years, we would get together every month to have dinner, and it fell apart during COVID, as lots of things do.

Speaker 2:

So just this morning actually, I was thinking about writing a note to them and saying, hey, you know, we really supported each other when our kids were little and it turns out I need just as much support now, if not more, I need you in my, I need my friends, I need my people in my life. And so, reaching out to those connections that meant something to you and just being really honest and saying this is this is how it feels right now and and I need you, I need some support. And you know women, when someone says I need you, we're going to, we're going to show up and we're going to be there, and so that's the challenge I'm putting forth to myself, and so that's the challenge I'm putting forth to myself, and so I can offer that as well like be honest and ask for what you, for what you need.

Speaker 1:

Surprisingly, the truth is they probably need you to yeah, and yeah, shouldn't be a surprise. We are built to belong. So, lisa, I enjoyed this conversation so much. You have so many great, valuable insights and resources, and I encourage everyone to connect with Lisa, because when three or more gather, we are tribe.

Speaker 2:

Absolutely. Thank you for this conversation. It was really fun. I could talk about these things all day long, so I appreciate you Absolutely, thank you.

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