What If Your Values Are Your Real Medicine

A Friday afternoon text that says “we think you have a brain tumor” is the kind of moment that splits your life into before and after. Dr. Renea Skelton lived that moment, then did what so many high-performing women are trained to do: she shoved the fear into the background, put on her game face, and kept leading. Renea joins me to share the full arc, from a traumatic childhood and joining the Air Force at 17 to 22 years of service, a post-military pivot into coaching, and the brutal wake-up call that forced her to stop pushing through at all costs.

We talk about pituitary tumors, cortisol chaos, insomnia, weight gain, and what it feels like when symptoms are dismissed until they become an emergency. Renea walks us through an early surgery that didn’t solve the problem, the fallout of brain radiation, and the turning point that came when she finally called Mayo Clinic. The story is intense, but the message is practical: self advocacy saves lives, second opinions matter, and you’re allowed to ask better questions when something feels off. If you’ve ever been told “nothing is wrong” while your body is screaming, you’ll feel seen.

From there, the conversation widens into midlife reinvention. We unpack the hidden cost of being the strong one, the helper, the woman who stays relevant by staying needed. Renea shares the values-based tools she now uses to make decisions, set boundaries, and rebuild joy, including a simple filter question you can use at any crossroads: “Would the person I claim to be do what I’m about to do?” We also get into over-explaining, second guessing, and why replacing “should” with “could” can change your entire nervous system.

If you’re navigating midlife burnout, stress, identity shifts, or just craving a clearer voice and a truer life, hit play. Then subscribe, share this with a friend who needs it, and leave a review so more women can find our circle.

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Transcript

Welcome And Guest Introduction

Speaker 3 0:00

Hey everybody, welcome back to the Find Your Lady Tribe podcast, where we are really deep diving into the midlife funk and all of the wonderful midlife transformations that we are actually currently going through or have been through. And I just am really happy to be sharing this next guest with you. I can't wait to introduce you. Her name is Dr. Renea Skelton. Renea has spent over two decades in the Air Force learning one undeniable truth. How you communicate can make or break everything. And isn't that the truth? Now she's a keynote speaker and the author of Drop the Rope, who helps people dip the over-explaining, stop second guessing, and start showing up like they mean it. She's real, a little edgy, and has zero patience for people who say, circle back, unironically. If you've ever walked away from a conversation wishing you said something differently, she is your person. Renea, thank you so much for being here today.

Speaker 1 1:04

Oh, thank you for having me. This is a blessing.

Speaker 3 1:10

Welcome to the Find Your Lady Time podcast. I'm your host, Brenda Ridgley. This is season four. We are deep diving into the heart of midlife reinventing. That sense you've mastered your roles, but you've lost your spark. You are exactly where you need to be. Okay, Dr. Renea, you have such an incredible story, an incredible background. And thank you for your service, by the way. Oh my gosh, what a blessing you are to all of us. You know, freedom isn't free, and I totally understand that. And thank you so much. Gosh, tell us your story. I mean, what led you there? And on and on and on, we want to hear it. We want to hear the good, the bad, and the ugly.

Speaker 1 2:20

Oh, okay. So let's go all the way back there. Um, okay, so you asked how I even joined the military. Yeah. All right. Um I'm a very real

Childhood Trauma And Joining The Air Force

Speaker 1 2:31

and authentic person. So here we go. Okay. Okay. So I grew up in a very troubled childhood home, very traumatic. Um, in fact, I don't even remember half of my childhood just because I compartmentalized that. I learned that very fancy word after my schooling in psychology. But um, I don't have any intent to go back there and unpack it like a lot of therapists want me to do. Um, however, I wanted to, we didn't have the money for me to go to college and I didn't make the best grades. So my mom kind of coerced me, is a better way to say it, into the military. I was 17 years old. I was literally like 17, 92 pounds, which is crazy. And I had no idea what to do. Like, no, I didn't, I didn't know who I wanted to be when I grew up. So I joined the military, and that was I graduated with 51 people in my high school. One of them was my husband. So like I was a fish out of water, and then I was thrust into this environment where I'm like, I had to be a leader and a follower at the same time. So, fast forward, I was in the military. I went from enlisted and then I went eventually to officer. I retired after 22 and a half years of service, which is crazy. That's literally over half my life. I know I look 12, it's weird. Um you do. Thanks. Um, so yeah, that that's how I joined the military. Um, I I've learned a lot, I've seen a lot, I've had a lot of trauma, but I've had a lot of blessings too. So when you thank me for my service, it's kind of like weird, to be honest with you. It's like, that's what's my job. You know what I mean? Like that was my way of life. So a lot of military people feel that way when we get thanked, but we're it's okay because we just say, Thank you for the support.

Speaker 3 4:30

Wow, is that right? Well, I thank you for sharing that. I because I try to say that when I see some someone in um because it's a huge, I see it as a huge sacrifice, not a job, but uh I it's just a huge just giving of yourself to all of us in a way to to protect what we the great things that we have and the way our way of life. So well, anyway, again, thank you. I want to just go back to a little bit of something I because I really appreciated it. You uh you said you don't want to unpack it like your therapist. I think uh what's interesting, and maybe for uh you're a coach as well, and I am as well, the difference between therapy and coaching is it's easy to this is what when people ask me, I say, well, therapy has you go back and fix and to get to where you are here. And coaching says, where are we now? Where do we want to go? Right? Yeah, and and so I appreciate that. That was what you know, I I get it. I think that's a um really powerful and intentional and um strong way to see your way through.

Speaker 1 5:46

Thank you. And I look back on it and I'm because so many therapists, like I said, want to go like it's so juicy. We could uncover and scratch and sniff and figure it all out. I'm like, look, it's serving me in some way, and in my way, it's motivating me to keep going forward. So I'm good with it. We're good, we're moving on.

Speaker 3 6:05

I love it, love it. Okay, so you spent 22 years in the

Retirement Pivot Into Coaching Work

Speaker 3 6:09

military, and uh I I interrupted your story, so please keep going.

Speaker 1 6:14

Yeah, so okay, so I ended up retiring. I, you know, I like I said, there was a lot of blessings, a lot of drama, a lot of great things. So I wouldn't trade it for anything. And so now I'm 40 and retired. Big R. Well, I shouldn't say big R, it's little R. I'm like, I still need to work because it's military, you know, retirement pay. So I ended up retiring and I came back to Texas. So this is where I ended up growing up and met my husband, all that great stuff since third grade. It's crazy. And um I didn't really like I ended up retiring at the Air Force Academy and I was teaching there. I was teaching behavioral sciences at the uh Center for Character and Leadership Development, which is amazing. And I was coaching cadets there. You know, I felt it was just natural coaching, and I was delivering personality workshops and emotional intelligence workshops, all these great things. And I had a really good mentor, he was a colonel at the time, and he basically said, Hey, you know what? I'm gonna get you your certifications. So the military paid for my certifications. So it's not like I'm just somebody off the street, like I literally have legit qualifications. And then when I came to Texas, I opened up my own business and I create a whole coaching business. I started off in leadership because I had the PhD and organizational leadership, and I was like, I gotta be a leadership consultant, but it really wasn't lighting me up. I did it for about a few years and I was just like, I can't do this anymore. I can do it. I know I can do it, I'm qualified. It just doesn't light me up. Right. So I pivoted and I became a life and communication coach. And every and I had so many niches, I had so many business coaches always tell me, you need to have one niche. I'm like, I'm multifaceted, so this is what you're gonna get, you know? Right. So I ended up um just becoming a life and communication coach and um thriving at. I love it. I travel, I speak. Um it was great. Uh, but there was a lot of stress involved. A lot

Symptoms Dismissed And A Scary Text

Speaker 1 8:30

of stress. And you know, your they always say your body will take the toll. And I was I was winning awards, I was being featured in magazines, it was great. But I always say behind every success, there is a sacrifice. Yes, there could be time, relationships, your health. Um, mine was a mixture of all of it, but the main thing that happened to me is so right before I left the military, I was gaining a lot of weight. And I was an avid runner. I would run at like a half marathon a month. Like it was my jam. Like it wasn't even competition, it was just my stress reliever. I know it's crazy for some people hearing this. I don't even run in my mailbox now. So there you go. So I ended up gaining a lot of weight. I couldn't run. Oh my gosh, it was bad. And I I kept asking the military, like, something's wrong with the I, you know, I was telling them over and over, and they're like, no, don't worry about nothing's wrong with you. And then I came to Texas and I tried to lose a lot of weight. I went to several specialists, nobody could figure it out. And then one day, um, my blood pressure was super low, and I was rushed to the ER by ambulance. And it was um, I was in the hospital for like what, two and a half, three days, and then still didn't hear anything. My blood pressure went back to normal. They were like, we can't figure anything out, but we they took blood samples, which is great. Finally, somebody was doing something. I went to Florida, I was at an Air Force base there, and I was delivering a true colors workshop, like a personality workshop. And right before I delivered that workshop, I received a text, like a legit text from my endocrinologist. And it said, literally, you can't make this up. And it was on a Friday, too. And it said, call the office. We think you have a brain tumor. And it and I looked at the time and it was 428. They close at 4:30. And I'm like, what? So I'm like trying to call, freaking out, and it kept ringing, ringing, and I wouldn't speak to them until Monday. That is horrible. Yeah, horrible. I know I'm just like, how do I deliver a workshop? But you know what? This is what the military treats you. I mean, this is what the military like literally instills in you is compartmentalize everything and just go forward. Like what women do, it's great. So I was not born to it. So I'm like, guess what? Just press on, pretend like it never happened, even though it was lingering in the back of my head, and then deliver the workshop for two and a half days. Oh my gosh. Yeah.

Speaker 3 11:16

That's so traumatic. I'm feeling trauma myself. Yeah. That goes against all of I've ever heard of how do you deliver news like that. Right. Oh, but but you just powered through it. Yeah.

Speaker 1 11:34

So um I ended up, oh gosh, I can't, I feel like I'm reliving all of this. I ended up, it's cathartic though. I ended up

Surgery Fallout And Radiation Consequences

Speaker 1 11:44

um seeing a lot of specialists, and I found one, um, my endo recommended one to me, uh, a really great one, but could not get in with them for like three months. So that one that I was supposed to see recommended somebody else. Because I won't, I don't give names and stuff like that, because we don't want that. And um, that neurosurgeon um decided to do you know, surgery on my brain is a pituitary tumor. So basically, with the pituitary tumors, it's your the your pituitary affects your like hormones, it affects your temperature, all that great stuff, right? And I don't even have a thyroid as it is, so my whole entertain system is just all out of whack. And he um, your your pituitary gland is the size of a pea, it's literally so tiny, but it affects so much. And my whole tumor was covering it. So like a majority of it. And so the neurosurgeon basically is like, we need to get this out. I'm like, let's go. Had surgery, I was in ICU for about three days. This was here in Texas, and um I remember waking up and I had bandages all over my face. It was crazy, and I couldn't see and it was piercing because they they don't crack, they didn't have to crack my skull. I know this sounds crazy, but they went up my nose. It's a whole nother, like whole nother podcast. Wow, right? So I'm all bandaged up. My first big major head surgery. So I'm just like, I believe whatever they say. And I remember the doctor sitting at my bedside table with not great bedside manners and looked at me, goes, Oh, well, you're back. And I said, Yes, uh, I'm barely speaking because I'm like gurgly, you know, just like I'm groggy. And he said, Yeah, we didn't get the tumor, but we got a system blood clot instead, and he gave me a thumbs up. And I was like, What? So fast forward, he told me that because it was invasive and I and I was pretty much going downhill because of this massive brain tumor this on the my pituitary gland, he basically said that I need to do radiation. I didn't want to do radiation. I learned later on that's a last resort to do radiation to the brain. And a lot of neurosurgeons will not operate after you have radiation to the brain. Didn't know any of this, remember? I'm just like, okay, this is me not being an advocate because I'm just taking for the face value. Learn that too. Fast forward, um, I uh did the radiation. I had longer radiation than my body was capable of, lost a lot of hair, my eyelashes. It actually made my uh uh tumor more aggressive. So it was now four times the amount of cortisol surging through my body. So I was gaining more weight. I was up three days in a row because of just the cortisol, I'm up, can't fall asleep insomnia. I had a mild heart attack, um, just crazy things. And I remember just laying in my bed and I was like, I can't do this anymore. Um, like, not like as in, you know, being suicidal, but more like as in if it's my time to go, it's my time to go. Like I'm just exhausted. You know, like I'm just I can't, I'm like, this is there's no, this is not the life. Right. And then my my father-in-law, I was on

Mayo Clinic Turnaround And Self Advocacy

Speaker 1 15:17

the phone with him and he said, just call Mayo. I'm like, Mayo's not Mayo's the number one nation in the hospital, like or hospital in the nation. There's no way Mayo's gonna accept me. I called Mayo within nine minutes because I timed it nine minutes. I had an appointment the next week. Yeah. So I went to Mayo and they wanted to operate then and there after they did all my assessments and stuff like that. Because Mayo is the type of place where you people, a lot of people go there, it's like their last resort. So you see all walks of life from the Middle East to Egypt to like everywhere. It's crazy. The different cultures and nationalities, and everybody's there for to be healed. And they are so innovative and creative and leaps and bounds beyond anything in anywhere else in the United States, it seems, because I've been through it all. And um, I came back home, I put all my affairs in order, all my clients. I had to tell them again I was going through brain surgery, and if I wasn't gonna make it, here's another coach, you know, all that great stuff. It's it was surreal. But you know what? What's interesting about this? In the military, we don't show a lot of emotion. And so I just put on that gang face and just like, I will set myself on fire to keep everybody else warm. And I was just like, my clients were like, Oh my gosh, I'm gonna pray for you. And my thoughts are like, it's okay, I'm gonna be good. It's okay, I'll talk to you next week. You know, I was very like nonchalant about it. Oh, I learned a lot through this process. Um then I had my I flew back, had my surgery, and I woke up from the surgery, total different experience. I was sitting up in bed, I didn't have any like anything, no towels over my head. I could see perfectly fine. I looked around, I'm like, I am still in the waiting room or like the waiting area, like what's going on? And there was a nurse right beside me, and she said, Hey, she goes, You're up. How are you? I'm like, uh, did I have surgery? And she was like, Yes, honey, you did. I'm like, Did you get it though? Like, did you like what's going on? Like, I'm not like I don't even feel anything. And she said, Yep, everything's taken care of. And I was like, What? She goes, I did, did you go though get the tumor? Like, did you go and get the tumor that was in my head? You know, I'm trying to explain this to a nurse, like she's off the street or something. And she was like, No, really, we got it. You're gonna be fine. And sure enough, they got my tumor. It was night and day experience, all because I listened to that voice in my father-in-law, true, but just saying, you know, be your own advocate. Don't take, don't humans, doctors are humans too, they can make mistakes. Yeah, that doctor at Mayo, the neurosurgeon, was not supposed to do surgery on my head. He had to get special approval. Otherwise, I would have, you know, I would not have made it. So it's either that or make an attempt.

Speaker 2 18:22

Wow.

Speaker 1 18:22

Um, of course, I have repercussions, I don't have cortisol, I don't, you know, all that stuff. And whenever I say that to people, they're like, if I say, I don't have cortisol, like no cortisol in my body, they're like, Oh, I'll give you some girl. I have tons of it. I'm like, yeah, but you need cortisol to live, you know. So I just take a pretnisone every day for the rest of my life. Um, things like that. And I'm just waiting for my adrenal lands to wake up. And my pituitary gland, a lot of people ask this question whatever happened to it? A quarter of it is still there, but it's dying. Oh, wow. Yeah.

Speaker 18:56

That's but guess what? I'm still here.

Speaker 3 18:58

But you are here.

Speaker 19:00

I'm still here.

Speaker 3 19:00

It's great, and beautiful and powerful, and doing such

The Cost Of The Game Face

Speaker 3 19:04

wonderful things. Oh my gosh, what an incredible story. I want to ask about the game face and what do you think the costs are for that? I mean, for you and other people are putting on game face in different ways. What how do you how can that show up?

Speaker 1 19:22

So I, you know, I was coaching. I had like 60 something clients at this time. And I knew I had to be there for them. So that's a thing that we do as people, but mainly as women, we like I say, we set ourselves on fire to keep others warm. We put ourselves on the back burner. And, you know, when people would ask me, because they're like, you're so resilient, you know, because I had that game face on. You're so resilient. How do you do it all? I'm like, I just do. I just do. Somebody's got to. I put my clients before me, which as a coach, we all we do that often, you know. And it's not often that somebody asks how we are doing. So we learn to figure it out ourselves and employ all of the stuff that we we coach and we teach, that it was it was too much. I'm I'm human as well, you know. And I was just I would only tell people my story unless when they asked. But usually when on coaching calls, they wouldn't ask because it was about them, right? Right. So, you know, I had my husband, uh, my children were very afraid, very scared. My friends would check in on me, but I would say, I'm fine, I'm good, you know, because I didn't want to burden them as well. When that was their gift, that was their gift to me is trying to help me. So I learned a lot. I learned a lot through this whole process of what I thought I knew and what I really had to learn.

Speaker 3 20:57

What do you think that behavior cost you? Do you think it it extended any suffering for yourself or made it or what do you how do you think that showed up?

Speaker 1 21:08

It I think that question is multifaceted, but I would say it cost me for thinking it cost me knowing for who I thought I was. You know, I we all wear masks in life, depending on what it is, you know, just because we have that's a tribal effect that, you know, it's just like how we adapt and how we survive. It's just that that instinct. But I was afraid to break down in front of others because they would not see me for who I was. I want I still wanted to be relevant, I still wanted to be needed, I still wanted to um, I mean, I had a PhD. I'm like, who's this doctor crying? You know, but I'm human, you know, and I and somewhere along the way I ended up losing that. Because it took it's crazy because in the military. It's kind of stripped away from you a bit, or at least it was for me, you know, to be compartmentalized, to be resilient, to be strong, to be the leader that you know that others need to follow. And then when I got out, I was trying to unravel that and figure out who I was. So it was this whole like almost like a midlife crisis, to be honest with you. And then when I thought I knew it was, it's almost like God or higher power, or whoever you want to call it, said, you know what, just kidding, you still don't know. Here's a tumor. Maybe this will help you. Do you know what I mean? And it was like, whoa. And it it just it it turned my world upside down, but in a good way. It's crazy how that trauma became a blessing.

Speaker 3 22:43

Well, so let's go there. Let's talk about now. Um you've championed through all of this tough, tough life. And and your and your family went through it with you and all that. And you're, you know, you're healed and you're doing well, you're doing fantastic work, and you're really just contributing to the world in so many awesome ways with your books and your coaching. Um, what does life feel like on the other side of that?

Life After Trauma And Choosing Joy

Speaker 1 23:16

Oh my gosh. Okay, this sounds very cliche, but until you go through it, it totally makes sense. But you know, life's short, like super short. Like you blink. I mean, parents know this when they're they blink in their children and are already like driving a car. You're like, what just happened? You were just in diapers. I I don't take life so seriously anymore. I know that sounds crazy. Uh, I don't, I really truly believe, not to get so foo-foo sounding, but I really believe this is the school of life. And we're I'm like, I I'm not the type of life coach to say, I'm gonna help you find your purpose. I can't determine that for you. Maybe your joy, but that may that's possibly aligned with your purpose. But it's like this is the school of life, and I truly believe this is my opinion. We're here to love and learn. We make it so hard and so difficult, and others do it the same thing, you know. So I literally wake up, I do what I want to do, I have now perimeters on my coaching. I if it doesn't serve me and brings me joy, if I'm not aligned with my joy, then I'm out. It's as simple as that. I'm like out, and it's so freeing, right? You know, I don't feel like chained to everything anymore, which probably contributed to the tumor and the stress and everything else in my life. Right for sure. Yeah, it's so freeing, it's crazy, isn't it?

Speaker 3 24:45

I mean, all too often we are are showing up, you know, who do you want me to be or who do you need me to be versus our full authentic self? And that authentic self has a strong opinion of if if this is something that you want to do or not. And yes, you I mean, how much of our lives have we spent just disregarding that and doing what was expected or we think people want from us?

Speaker 1 25:14

Which is crazy because that's important. We people hear that and they're like, oh yeah, I know, I know. But until they're faced with like some kind of trauma or anything, because trauma is different for everybody, something that just makes them go all the way down rock bottom, that's when they get it. And some fortunate people have to get there. Um gosh, I just don't. You can skin the cat like 17 different ways. You're like just trying to understand it, you know, like I want you to understand it before it's too late for you.

Speaker 3 25:44

Yeah. Well, it's unfortunate, but it's also like you said, life. It is the school of life. Yeah. And without that, the difficult times, we can't really appreciate the best of family.

Speaker 2 25:57

Yes.

Speaker 3 25:57

Right. So unfortunate or not, it's it's life. And um, it's what we do with it, it's the attitude we take. So, and you just, you know, are it took such a strong um, I'm just really impressed.

Speaker 1 26:15

Oh, thanks. Really I am too. I'm really impressed or yeah, myself, to be honest with you. I'm like, wow, I just did that. That's hard, but I did it.

Speaker 3 26:24

Hey lady, just wanted

Subscribe Break And Midlife Disconnect

Speaker 3 26:26

to take a moment and interrupt right now in the middle of the show to ask you to subscribe. Yes, press that button right now. This show is all about you, the mid-life woman. Let's do this thing together. So join us. Subscribe now. So, how do you think uh other women are kind of like slowly losing their connections?

Speaker 1 26:50

Meaning connections as in what?

Speaker 3 26:52

Well, you know, to let like I I call it letting themselves, letting yourself go. Uh letting yourself go into your roles and kind of for letting go of the things that you love to be that for everybody else, that letting go of your strong connections so that you can help

Values Audit And A Decision Filter

Speaker 3 27:13

other people do their stuff.

Speaker 1 27:15

Oh, that's a good question. Okay, again, multifaceted, but I'll get to the root of it. I would think the root is, is getting right with who you are. And when I say that, a lot of women's like, but I don't know who I am, right? You do. And the thing is, you will never be, you're constantly changing. You want to constantly change, right? So, I mean, nobody has ever arrived, no matter what status they have in life. It's just not a thing, right? So it's almost getting to what you value in life, like what are your values? And a lot of people even ask, Well, I don't know what I value. I'm like, where do you spend the most time and the most money? That's a quick assessment of what you value. And there's no right or wrong, it's your value. So for me, it was work. For me, it was it wasn't spending a lot of time with my family or my husband or necessarily my friends. It was work, work, work. How can I bring in the money? How can I help others at the same time but still self-serving myself? Which it's entrepreneurial ship is there's a lot of self-serving too, because you need to feed your family as well. I get it. But when my values I had to learn were joy and flexibility. And I cannot, once there's a disconnect in there, that's when all the other things start happening that show up in your life. So now I have to think, okay, something comes in, opportunity or an interaction or a friendship or anything like that. I'm like, does it bring me joy? And is it is it flexible? If that is it, then it's for me. If not, it may not be for me at this time. Right.

unknown 28:54

Yes.

Speaker 1 28:54

Not for at this time. Yes.

Speaker 3 28:57

I love that. So um really taking the time to identify what is important to you and value. And even though I you may be dumping a lot of time and money into something, it might not be your value. It might be someone else's value. It's again a role. So really getting clear on that. And then when you decide what your top few values are, to bump every decision up against that.

Speaker 1 29:25

I I say this thing, and my my daughter for the longest time, she's in college now, but for the longest, my I have three, but my middle child, she was grappling in school, like, what do I do with this relationship? What do I do with this friendship, this whatever it may be? I so I gave her this little quote and I said, put this on your mirror. And she's now she just knows it by heart. And I say, if you're ever at a crossroads in life and you don't know what decision to make, and it could be with friendships, relationships, what you need to do, whatever it is, ask yourself this one question. Would the person I claim to be do what I'm about to do? If you can answer that, boom, you're golden. Right.

unknown 30:11

Yeah.

Speaker 1 30:12

It's a yes or no. It goes values about who you are as a person.

Speaker 3 30:17

Yeah.

Speaker 1 30:17

Yeah.

Speaker 3 30:18

Wow, that's wonderful. Well, I think that leads right into what do you have a few tips for our listeners?

Practical Tips And Stop Shoulding Yourself

Speaker 3 30:25

Like something that they could start today or this week. Um, if they are floundering in some area of their life or or not really connected, uh, what would you say to them to help just get them back in alignment with who they are?

Speaker 1 30:45

I would, it's, you know, go back to going back to the values exercise, you know, identify it doesn't have to be identify your top five values. It doesn't have to be that. It's just like what brings you, what lights you up in life? Figure out what, like, if I could wave a magic wand over you right now, where would you be? What would you be doing? What would you be feeling? No resources, like you had all the money in the world, what would that be? It could be something so outrageous.

Speaker 2 31:12

Right.

Speaker 1 31:12

Once you have that picture, now go, why is that important to you? Why is that important to you? And you just keep asking yourself why, why, why? You get to the root of the issue. And then you also during this process have to be like, who says that's the way? It has to be you. It can't be society, can't be your upbringing, it can't be your friends or your relationship. It's you. What lights you up and why? And that goes right back down to your values. And once you get that, now you align everything you can to that. That's it. I think we make it so difficult because a lot of people, like I say, don't know who they are. That's okay. I don't want you to know who you are. I literally don't. I want you to keep changing. It's a school of life, like I said. Like this, this is exciting to me. Let's figure this out. Let's try on different things. It's great.

Speaker 3 32:09

Absolutely. I I love that. I mean, who if nothing if the money were no object and all that, what would you be doing right now? And and I I think that vision of this crazy, like I need to have all the money in the world thing. Yeah, that might be a stopping point for people right off the bat. It is. Because they go, it's unrealistic, right?

Speaker 1 32:35

Yeah, but it's not even about that though. It's the byproduct, it's so and they're when they say it, their face lights up. They're like, Well, I would be doing this. I'm like, sounds like some passion and joy there. It does. And why not turn in the direction of that and just take baby steps? Yes, right. I know it sounds crazy because people are like, Well, I don't have this. You don't know until you try. And I always tell people, like, I don't, this is this makes sense because they're like, Well, I should do this and I should do that. I'm like, don't shit on yourself. I said should, s h-o-l-d. I guess one thing a lot of women do too. Don't should on yourself. Should is not a word in our household. Nobody's allowed to shit on anybody. It's could because should is an uh expectation and could is an opportunity. Everything's an opportunity. You're like, you're the only one standing in your way.

Speaker 3 33:25

Love it. And I could do this or I could not do this. And how does that line up with my topic?

Speaker 1 33:30

That sounds like freeing to me.

unknown 33:32

Yeah.

Speaker 1 33:33

Brilliant. Simple stuff, but it's hard to implement.

Speaker 3 33:38

I get it. Yeah, right. Yeah, yes, it is. It's a process. Transformation takes time, right? Yeah. Love it. Thank you. Gosh, that's wonderful. Good stuff. Um,

Where To Find Renea And Closing

Speaker 3 33:47

so uh, Dr. Renea, how do we find you in your books and all that great stuff?

Speaker 1 33:53

So I have a website, like every person does, it seems like, you know, that's in my field. Uh, it is reneeskeleton.com. Um, weird spelling for my name, but it's r-e-n-e-a-s-k-e-l-t-o-n dot com. And there you can find my blog. You can find my shift happens newsletter. I said shift, s-h-i-f. And um also my book, Drop the Rope.

Speaker 3 34:20

Yes, very good. And I I think I understand that you have more books coming. I do. It's great. So exciting. Awesome, awesome. All right, final question, the big one. Oh, Dr. Renea, how do you tribe?

Speaker 1 34:35

Ooh, that's a really deep question, even though it sounds so easy. Uh, how do I tribe? I create my tribes. I intentionally create my tribes. Remember, I talked about that join flexibility. Um, just this, for example, just this last week, weekend, I had this great idea because I wanted everybody, a lot of women are yearning for organic friendships and not just networking or business. And they want like just, I want to be around sisterhood and just be, you know, without the mask. So I decided, this happened this last weekend, to create a huge bunko. I had 84 women from all over my county just playing bunko in a room and creating these organic friendships. There was no hidden agenda, there was no like buy this, buy that. It was just like show up and just have fun. And people are still talking about it. So those are my tribes. It's those organic friendships. Yeah, there's tribes and networking and things like that, but I just want to find my tribes, those pockets of women who just want to be. Just want to be.

Speaker 3 35:43

So I create that because we are creators. Yes. It's it's not just take what you can get, it's not show up and fit in, right? Which I did for many years. I'm just gonna say, I'm gonna admit it because I didn't know any better. Right. Um, but oh good stuff, Dr. Renea. So any final thoughts before uh share with the trial?

Speaker 1 36:09

I you know, like I know you think life's hard. And in a lot of ways it is, but we make it, like I say, we make it so difficult. And if you just get back to who you are as a person by going back to your values, everything, I promise you, everything will fall into place. And if it doesn't, you will have a detour. I promise you. It'll be very it flows. It's just how life works.

Speaker 3 36:40

Absolutely. Renea, thank you so much for being here, sharing your incredible story, um, going through it, feeling it again, because that's I know it can be tough. And I I'm I'm so grateful, and I know our listeners are so grateful. And listeners, thank you. Thank you for being here. Uh, thank you for showing up for yourself. And please share this with any friend that you think uh Dr. Renea's message may resonate with. And um with that, when three or more gather, we are tribe. Thank you for spending this time with your lady tribe. I always say that when three or more gather, we are tribe. And today, with my guests, myself, and you listening in, that circle is complete. I hope this story reminded you that your purpose is worth the pursuit. If this episode stirs something new, please click a button to subscribe, like, and leave a comment. Your engagement helps other sisters find their way to our circle. Here it is, take the next step in your own transformation. I invite you to join our gathering place, the Save the World Sisterhood Facebook Group. It's where we unpack, and cheer each other on as we ignite our lives together. Until next time, I'm Brenda Ridgley. Save the world, sister.