Red Flags, Green Flags

Potential is attractive, but patterns never lie. In this episode, we dig into the messy, funny, and painfully real difference between red flags and green flags—why intensity feels like intimacy, how chaos can make stability uncomfortable, and what someone’s actions reveal long before their words do. We break down emotional unavailability, blame-shifting, hot-and-cold affection, jealousy disguised as passion, and secrecy habits that signal trouble. Then we highlight the green flags that build real, lasting connection: clean apologies, dependable consistency, everyday empathy, and initiative that makes love feel safe instead of confusing.

We also unpack three AITA stories that expose the truth about boundaries—from ending a relationship after rejected proposals, to open marriage dynamics gone wrong, to locking your bedroom door to protect your space. Each story drives home the same lesson: boundaries aren’t aggression; they’re clarity. By the end, you’ll have a sharper lens for choosing partners who make peace feel normal, not fragile. If this episode hits home, follow Life After I Do Podcast across all platforms, share it with someone who needs it, and leave a review to help more people find the show.

Transcript

Warm Up And Banter

SPEAKER_05 0:00

What am I? Like, like mid, and he's basically like, Yeah.

SPEAKER_00 0:07

Like you're not the hottest thing out here.

SPEAKER_04 0:08

That's what he said.

SPEAKER_00 0:09

That's what you ain't ugly. You ain't ugly.

SPEAKER_05 0:15

That's literally what he said. He was like, like, you're not the most, like, most attractive woman. But you're not ugly either. Like, I wouldn't have chosen, I wouldn't have chosen you if you were like super ugly. But he was like, but think about it, he's like, the most attractive women are the most toxic. Hey everybody, and welcome back to your weekly Bells of the Life after I do podcast. Kick back, relax, enjoy the next 45 minutes to an hour.

SPEAKER_02 1:03

Just kick it. Just kick it. Kick off your shoes. Relax your feet. No.

SPEAKER_01 1:12

Oh. Yeah, no. I'm not a big SK fan anyway.

Weekly Check-In And Recovery

SPEAKER_05 1:16

Just kick back, relax for the next 45 minutes to an hour and hang out with us. You know, chit-chat. Just take a load off. Whether you're driving the car, if you're listening to this in the car or at home or wherever you're at. The gym.

SPEAKER_03 1:31

In the bath.

SPEAKER_05 1:32

In the okay. Okay. I mean, some people do listen to podcasts in a bath. I don't, but I guess some people could. I mean, I've listened to podcasts in the shower, so I guess, yeah.

SPEAKER_03 1:45

It's crazy. You listen to murder mystery while you're cleaning yourself. Yeah. Getting dirty while you're getting clean. Crazy work.

SPEAKER_05 1:51

Goodbye. Hey Booskies. Hi, Booskies. How's it going?

SPEAKER_03 1:54

It's going.

SPEAKER_05 1:56

Nobody wants to hear you drink on uh they're not gonna hear that. They're not gonna hear that.

SPEAKER_03 2:00

They not, don't worry about that.

SPEAKER_05 2:02

Okay.

SPEAKER_03 2:02

How was your week? Okay, we're happy they're done with that. My week was great.

SPEAKER_05 2:10

Tell me about your week. I have like, can you hear it?

SPEAKER_03 2:13

Hard to breathe, huh?

SPEAKER_05 2:14

No, it's not. I can I can breathe, but it feels like there's like phlegm or something in there, but it's it won't come up, but it won't come out.

SPEAKER_03 2:20

I've been known to take your breath away. Okay. Okay. You're gonna put me to sleep.

SPEAKER_05 2:26

I've been known to do that too. You hear it?

SPEAKER_03 2:31

Baby, they're not gonna hear you. That's crazy.

SPEAKER_05 2:39

Like, I'll do I did not cough your direct. I mean, I did cough your direction, but I covered my mouth. I used my elbow and I'm wearing a long sleeve. Okay. Relax. Anyways, yeah, so I'm still in recovery mode.

SPEAKER_03 2:53

Are you?

SPEAKER_05 2:53

Crazy from last week. I'm feeling much better. Um, I feel like I don't sound as congested as I once did, and I'm not as congested, but I still do have moments of congestion. What? Congestion. Is that what the French say? Yes, congestion. And um, yeah, like in my mind, I guess I feel better, but But you're not. But my my body has it to catch up.

SPEAKER_03 3:17

So I was gonna say something, but I can't say it. I get canceled. Okay. Yeah, don't say it.

SPEAKER_05 3:22

Um, but my body has to catch up. But other than that, I'm just really grateful to be feeling more like myself. Or really mustard. Bye. Or really. Really? Remember you guys you say really. Um, yeah, but I'm happy to be feeling a lot better than I was last week, that's for sure. Uh last week's episode, I was still kind of like going through it, but that was like one of the first days where I felt better enough to get up and like record because the day we had originally planned to record not gonna happen.

SPEAKER_03 3:55

You know what? You I I told you, like, when you called in, I said, look here. When I called in, yeah, I'm a nice boss, but I can't make these days off. Go ahead and do some disciplinary action.

SPEAKER_05 4:08

Speaking of bosses, okay, so I was at the gym today.

SPEAKER_01 4:11

Horrible.

SPEAKER_05 4:11

And um, no, that I was at the gym and they posted that they have um some positions open.

SPEAKER_01 4:16

I saw that.

Holiday Exhaustion And Family Plans

SPEAKER_05 4:17

Did you see it? I'm thinking, I'm thinking about going. I'm thinking about going to the interview process, even just to interview. Because I haven't interviewed for anything in like years.

SPEAKER_02 4:26

That means we'll get free. So we'll get free passes.

SPEAKER_05 4:28

So I was I'm really thinking about it though. They said that they're doing interviews on uh Thursday and Friday, and I was like, huh. I mean, I'm there five and six days a week anyway. Mine as well get paid to be there, you know?

SPEAKER_03 4:41

I don't mind just like I mean, I could take my my complaints direct to the boss.

SPEAKER_05 4:46

Okay.

SPEAKER_02 4:47

Bye.

SPEAKER_03 4:47

Y'all, someone to recover.

SPEAKER_05 4:49

Okay. You know what? I would be on it because the way the the dumbbell rack be looking, it pisses me off.

SPEAKER_03 4:56

They find a new way to what?

SPEAKER_05 4:57

Piss me the hell off. That would I will make it my personal mission to keep that damn thing organized. And when it's not organized, when I'm not working, I'm gonna make it my personal mission to talk shit about everybody who has worked since the last time I worked when I recovered it.

SPEAKER_02 5:12

Okay.

SPEAKER_05 5:13

Yeah. That would be my area. I will give it as my area of pride. Okay. That's what I used to assign when I worked areas of pride.

SPEAKER_03 5:22

Crazy work. That that right there alone would piss me off.

SPEAKER_05 5:26

Why? Everybody was assigned an area of pride. What do you mean? Why would that piss you off?

SPEAKER_03 5:31

My week was cool. It it I felt like we were in full-blown holiday season mode. We are. And it's like every day there's something. Every weekend we have something to do. Yep. The schedule is busting at its scenes.

SPEAKER_05 5:45

I wouldn't say it's busting at the scenes, but we are big.

SPEAKER_03 5:48

Buddy love turning back into Sherman. That's how it's packed. Buddy love turning back into Sherman.

SPEAKER_02 5:55

Okay. Oh, Hercules, Hercules, Hercules. Wow. No, I mean, I'm with the child.

SPEAKER_03 6:03

I ain't no 300 pounds. How you doing? Um, so yeah, it's just like it's it's just getting like life is getting exhausting.

SPEAKER_05 6:12

I mean, it gets this way every year.

SPEAKER_03 6:14

And like every year, I always say, I'm gonna try to be more festive this year than last year. And I just realized that I'm just not a festive person. I don't like this time of year.

SPEAKER_05 6:23

You must have not grown up in a festive household. We celebrate this time of year. But you know what? That's what I'm starting to kind of like realize. I feel like our level of festivities also reflect the level in which we grew up in as children and what type of attachments we have to it. Because I also take it back to like the Disney attachment, right? Like typically kids who grew up like having the experience of going to Disney when they were a children or having multiple trips, I feel like they have some type of connection to Disney. Like, you know, all my adult Disney friends, and I, for the life of me, can't figure it out. Can't can't understand it. Like when they're like, oh, we're just gonna go to downtown Disney to hang out and understand it. I understand hanging out, hanging out sometimes, but I'm not going to Disney like that.

SPEAKER_03 7:06

The food in downtown Disney is fire.

SPEAKER_05 7:07

Yeah, but I just can't, like, I for me, I don't know. I'm not at that level where I would justify having an um annual pass. Okay.

SPEAKER_03 7:14

The prices don't justify it. Well, that too. So, you know, that that's really all it is. I mean, nothing really negative to report.

SPEAKER_05 7:22

Oh.

SPEAKER_03 7:23

Um, life is just life. Yeah. We're getting through it.

SPEAKER_05 7:26

Yeah.

SPEAKER_03 7:26

And we're gonna be all right.

SPEAKER_05 7:28

Um, why you sound like an old hymn?

SPEAKER_03 7:31

I still I still got a uh a sickness for the thickness. Okay. You're going straight to sleep after this. Sickness for oh yeah, I am. After I get that thickness, no, you couldn't.

SPEAKER_05 7:43

You can't even gotta make it. If you guys are watching this, look how tired my baby looks.

SPEAKER_03 7:48

I want that thickness, though.

SPEAKER_05 7:50

My baby looked tired, too.

SPEAKER_03 7:51

So yeah, it was it was a um, look here. I'm gonna be tired all month.

SPEAKER_05 7:56

I'm gonna be tired all month.

Parenting, Playdates, And Budget Lessons

SPEAKER_03 7:58

Just catch me in February. I I literally looked at my looked at the the calendar and I was like, it is something every weekend.

SPEAKER_05 8:06

We have two, we have two birthdays at the same time in the city. In a retarded in the same day. I said in the same day. So we gotta drive to one part of the city, leave our city, go to one city, and then drive two hours to a whole nother city to do two birthday parties at the same time, at the same location.

SPEAKER_03 8:24

And then we gotta hang out with Mimi on Friday.

SPEAKER_05 8:28

Oh, yeah.

SPEAKER_03 8:29

Yeah, apparently. Fifi.

SPEAKER_05 8:31

Our daughter's best friend has made a request that they they need a play date this Friday. And we were trying to convince them to do a play date next Friday because it's their last day at school, and we were like, it'll be better. Because last well, we did that last year, right? On the last day of school, we took her with us.

SPEAKER_03 8:46

We took the girls and let them do their I think that was the last day before spring break.

SPEAKER_05 8:51

Spring break. Okay, yes. Our summer break, yes, and it was on a Friday. They had a minimum day. Her parents let us take her, and we took them to the trampoline park, took them to lunch, went and got ice cream. They lived their best life. They lived their best life, and we're trying to like tell them we'll do the same thing, it'll just be better if we do it next Friday. They both looked at us and was like, Nah, yeah, no, Friday.

SPEAKER_03 9:13

They sung Die with a smile seven million times. Oh gosh. Oh my god. They was taking turns of play uh singing different parts.

SPEAKER_05 9:20

Uh see uh being Bruno, Bruno Mars's part. Yeah.

SPEAKER_03 9:23

I said, y'all see.

SPEAKER_05 9:25

I said, nobody trying to be Gaga, huh? It was taking turns. Everybody's Bruno. But yeah, so I mean, that's the holiday season. I'm excited. I'm excited for her. Oh, yeah. Also, Phoenix wanted me to let y'all know that um she said, tell the booskies to follow her. To follow her on Instagram. Because in her mind, we are selling all her followers. She said, tell the booskies to follow me on Instagram. Her Instagram is uh Phoenix Rain2035.

SPEAKER_03 9:52

On Instagram. So yeah. So ma'am, you don't even, you're not even, we don't even allow you to be on social media like that. Calm down.

SPEAKER_05 9:57

Well, every now and then she'll she asks me, she's like, Mom, can I check, can I check my followers? Or she'll be like, Can I check Nova's videos? Because she loves looking at Nova's videos. So I let her kind of like look at what Nova's posted recently. She could check Nova's form and copy it. Bye. But um, so yeah. So if y'all if take a little time out of your day and go follow my baby at Phoenix Rain. What we got today? 2035. What we got today. I had to do that for my baby because she asked. Um, we've got red flag, green flag.

SPEAKER_03 10:26

What what do you mean coming over there shit on the fly? Is it is this some new adult game you're trying to create? Red flag, green flag. I don't know why, because women avoid red flags. Really? I said it.

SPEAKER_05 10:38

Well, if you guys would stop masking as green flags.

SPEAKER_03 10:41

No covering the fellas. I'm here, I'm here to protect us.

SPEAKER_05 10:45

So, uh, yeah. So what are what are red flags? What are green flags? Red flags are like warning signs that showcase someone's behavior, mindset, or lifestyle, right? That can lead to emotional harm, instability, or unhealthy patterns in a relationship.

SPEAKER_03 11:01

It's emotional, emotional, it's physical harm, too.

SPEAKER_05 11:04

It can include things like poor communication, anger issues, lack of accountability, um, inconsistent behavior, lack of emotional safety. Really? Really? What happened? Really? Okay, I see. I see what you want to do, Jay. Um, disrespecting boundaries. That's a big one.

SPEAKER_02 11:29

Big one. Big, big one. Hey.

SPEAKER_05 11:33

Uh green flags, the opposite. Positive indicators. Positive indicators. Like Maurice. Negative. Wow. Um crazy. That can lead to more healthy and safe and prosperous relationships. Things that include consistency, emotional health, accountability, kindness, and respect. Oh my God, this is clear communication, supportiveness, integrity, and healthy boundaries.

SPEAKER_01 12:02

Tell them about me.

Introducing Red Flags And Green Flags

SPEAKER_05 12:03

Okay. So we see, we see it all the time. People talking about, oh, he was such a red flag, or asking social media, was this is this a red flag, or is this a green flag? Or, you know, my man throws so many green flags that would send other men into orbit. Like, red flag, green. Send other men into orbit? Yes.

SPEAKER_03 12:22

Who said that?

SPEAKER_05 12:23

It's all you ever you ever see that?

SPEAKER_03 12:25

No, my algorithm is very vast.

SPEAKER_05 12:27

Our algorithm is very different. So there's mine is fire. So there's a whole like trend, and it's um it's mainly with like married women, and it's like um the things things that my husband do, things that my husband does that will send other married men into or like you know, red flag men into like orbit, and they name all the like special things or special treatments into which oh I can't because you know I'm a red flag, because mine doesn't do anything that would send anybody else into orbit. I'm just teasing don't make me laugh.

SPEAKER_03 13:04

It says here that people often miss red flags because they want companionship. They fall for potential over reality.

SPEAKER_05 13:12

Okay, let's stop there for a second.

SPEAKER_03 13:16

Because we get on the slap of you.

SPEAKER_05 13:19

The thing really, the thing about potential, potential could be really dangerous. I know. Potential could be really dangerous because that's how I ended up here. Okay, here we go.

SPEAKER_01 13:30

All right, let's go.

SPEAKER_05 13:32

No, I'm no, but on a serious note, potential could be really dangerous because there are some men that he could have a ton of potential, and off the potential, you want to give him a chance. Same with women, but that's also because you're assuming that because he has the potential that he's gonna tap into it. Yeah, that he's gonna act on it. That she's gonna tap into it. That she's gonna be everything. He's gonna act on it, or that you could be the support that he's lacking to help him reach his fullest potential.

SPEAKER_03 14:01

All she needs is a little direction to get her there, and she that's it because she got that potential, but then you get in there, you realize that she got no motivation. Okay, you're sleepy, she's she's ready, she's content where she at. You're sleepy, yeah.

SPEAKER_05 14:15

Um, so yeah, so potential, it can be uh a pretty dangerous thing. I think that people like dating a spouse or have or dating somebody or you know, being involved with somebody who has potential is isn't necessarily a bad thing. However, if they have not shown you any type of indicators that they can potentially live up to their potential, or that they could, or that they're actively pursuing, you know, their greatest self or highest self or best self from the potential that you see, then that's where I think it can get a little get a little get a little dicey. You know, you don't want to enter into something and be like, he has so much potential, but he also isn't showcasing anything, and also say they uh ignore uh intuition, trauma or toxic patterns feel normal or familiar because people don't be healing.

SPEAKER_03 15:11

Y'all guys are healing from your trauma.

SPEAKER_05 15:12

Okay, well, you gotta you have to recognize it first.

SPEAKER_03 15:16

They mistake intensity for intimacy. A mistake what? Intensity. Intensity for intimacy. Sometimes you get some intense love making. Rr. Oh my gosh. Rarr. You need a nap. And ultimately, they always hope that the person will change.

SPEAKER_05 15:35

Oh, of course.

SPEAKER_03 15:36

That is a big red thing.

SPEAKER_05 15:37

I think that falls into the the potential thing.

SPEAKER_03 15:39

Because at our big red at our at our big age, our big red age, you were about to say in our big red age. At our big age, ain't nobody finna change.

SPEAKER_05 15:46

Yeah.

SPEAKER_03 15:47

Especially our Khanisha.

SPEAKER_05 15:48

Yeah, so um they also uh they're also guarded and not healed. Okay. And they don't trust stability, which is crazy because we all kind of like strive for stability. So to be into something and not or like be afraid of the stability. But I guess if you're used to chaos, that would make sense. Because if chaos feels stable, it's what's normal, it's what's normal. Yeah.

SPEAKER_03 16:17

It's like it's like that one video when when she was like, I was so used to being in chaos that I didn't understand how much I um I needed peace. Yeah. Because the peace felt like chaos to us. Yes, yeah. Because he wasn't going back and forth with it.

Why We Miss Red Flags

SPEAKER_05 16:28

Yeah, it's like being being in a noisy room for so long that it becomes your norm that when you experience a quiet room, it feels loud. And that's why I don't go back and forth, people. Yeah.

SPEAKER_03 16:38

Is that why? That's why. I'll say something and be like, boom, here you go.

SPEAKER_05 16:43

You'll say something in what?

SPEAKER_03 16:44

Boom, here you go. I'm not gonna go back and forth with you.

SPEAKER_05 16:47

Not boom, here you go. Boom, here you go. Okay. So some of the red flags to watch out for.

SPEAKER_03 16:54

Carnacea.

SPEAKER_05 16:55

Okay. Someone who's emotionally unavailable.

SPEAKER_03 16:58

Carnesia. Okay.

SPEAKER_05 17:00

What does that look like to you when someone's emotionally unavailable?

SPEAKER_02 17:05

Like, what does that mean? When I just need you to feel me. It's late. Yeah, you don't want to feel me. It's late. I need you to feel me because you ain't can't feel me. That's what it means.

SPEAKER_03 17:17

Okay.

SPEAKER_05 17:18

Um frequent blame shifting.

SPEAKER_03 17:23

Can't you see this all the time? I am the blame. Excuse me? Uh lack of follow-through. That's huge. Yes. Now when you tell somebody they're gonna get their soup and then you renege. Right.

SPEAKER_02 17:39

Right.

SPEAKER_03 17:39

Yeah.

SPEAKER_02 17:40

Yeah. High and cold affection. Yeah.

SPEAKER_03 17:42

Yeah. Like what one minute she wants me to touch her. The next minute she's like, get your hands off me. Show how much of red flags it is.

SPEAKER_05 17:50

Goodbye. Now look who's coughing.

SPEAKER_03 17:53

Right. Negative communication patterns.

SPEAKER_05 17:55

Oh, yeah, that's a huge one.

unknown 17:56

What?

SPEAKER_03 17:57

Where's it? You're a walking red flag, but I'm with you because I love you. Okay. Jealousy disguised as a few.

SPEAKER_05 18:02

Jealousy?

SPEAKER_03 18:03

Jealousy. Jealousy. That's not what I said.

SPEAKER_05 18:05

You said jealousy.

SPEAKER_03 18:06

Jealousy. Jealousy. Disguised as passion.

SPEAKER_05 18:10

Ooh. Interesting. Jealousy disguised as passion. Yeah. Mm. That's like having somebody fake support you in the front, but really stabbing you behind your back in the back. That's crazy work. Crazy work. That is crazy work.

SPEAKER_03 18:30

Controlling tendencies. That's you. That's me. Crazy. Because I don't try to control nothing.

SPEAKER_05 18:36

That's you. No, it kind of. No, you try, but you fail at it, but you try.

SPEAKER_03 18:40

Okay, people. This is in another episode. It says disrespect towards ex partners, family, or strangers.

SPEAKER_05 18:49

What if the ex kind of deserves it though? Like sometimes sometimes.

SPEAKER_03 18:53

Sometimes you gotta take it up to the line.

SPEAKER_04 18:54

Yeah, right up to the line.

SPEAKER_03 18:57

Sometimes they kind of deserved it. Right. So not prioritizing your emotional needs. Yeah. That's a red flag. That's it. That is a red flag because you got uh you're a partner. You know, fellas, as crazy as some of these women are, okay, you gotta you gotta feed into their emotions sometime. Or just just just just water the grass so they can shut up.

SPEAKER_05 19:22

But if you have you're such an asshole. If you have a if you have a good, strong, nice, attractive partner in your life. You're welcome. Some green flags that you should be appreciating in them would include someone who's able to communicate clearly and thoughtfully with respect.

SPEAKER_03 19:46

Respectfully.

SPEAKER_05 19:47

With respect.

SPEAKER_03 19:48

Of course.

SPEAKER_05 19:49

Okay. Respectfully, of course. Respectfully, of course.

SPEAKER_03 19:55

Okay.

SPEAKER_05 19:56

Um, somebody who can apologize without excuses. Now this is

SPEAKER_03 20:00

Look here. Sometimes the excuse is there.

SPEAKER_05 20:02

Okay, no, no. Sometimes sometimes you just need to apologize and then put a period there. Okay. Not apologize and be like, um, like, I'm sorry that you felt that way. No, I apologize. Period. All right. Okay. Um someone who follows through on promises.

SPEAKER_03 20:26

Oh, okay. So show up.

SPEAKER_05 20:27

So a person who lives by their word. Okay. They show empathy. I think that's a really big one.

SPEAKER_03 20:35

Oh, damn. Showing empathy. I've talked about empathy a lot this week. You what? Talked about empathy a lot.

Concrete Red Flags To Watch

SPEAKER_05 20:41

You talked a lot about, well, I mean, because it's more than I wanted to. Empathy is one of those things that it doesn't want to. It's not just limited to when you're in a relationship. Girl? And like uh an intimate relationship, like a boyfriend, girlfriend, husband, wife. Empathy is something you should be carrying with you as part of your character that you can have empathy for other human beings and other people and their situations.

SPEAKER_03 21:04

So I mean saying that a lot this week.

SPEAKER_05 21:06

Yeah, empathy, empathy goes beyond just you and your person.

SPEAKER_03 21:11

I'm starting to feel like you'd be in my conversation.

SPEAKER_05 21:13

No, babe. Are you tracking me? It's because it's because I have rubbed off on you so much that you are starting to think that the things that you say are the words of your own.

SPEAKER_02 21:23

Okay, and they're not. You don't but you haven't rubbed off on me, you rubbed me off. Keep going. Okay. I'm not. What's that? I'm not doing my my screen froze.

SPEAKER_03 21:34

They support your goals?

SPEAKER_05 21:35

Um, they support your goals, they resolve conflict with care. I like that.

SPEAKER_03 21:39

Yeah.

SPEAKER_05 21:39

I like that.

SPEAKER_03 21:40

I try to always handle you with kid gloves.

SPEAKER_05 21:42

What you try to do and what you're successful at are two different things. Moving on. Um, they uplift you, not drain you. I was drained. Let me let me put that into the mic. Not drain you like Draino.

SPEAKER_03 22:01

I was out niggard.

SPEAKER_05 22:02

Like what?

SPEAKER_03 22:05

And I promise to never be out niggard again.

SPEAKER_04 22:11

What?

SPEAKER_03 22:12

They're consistent and not confusing.

SPEAKER_05 22:15

Oh yeah. Because you girl. Because sometimes you can talk in circles. Okay, shut up. Most importantly. You can talk in circles, and I have to like weed through all that and try to like map it out and then give it back to you.

SPEAKER_03 22:28

Most important, most importantly, most important. They respect boundaries. They respect your boundaries.

SPEAKER_05 22:34

They respect your boundaries. That's true. So now that we have the format for red flags, green flags, I'm gonna ask you a few questions.

SPEAKER_01 22:44

Okay.

SPEAKER_05 22:44

Whether these certain scenarios or situations are red flags or green flags. And you tell me if it's red flag or green flag, and then you tell me why. Okay, let's get into it. All right. Is it a red flag or a green flag when a woman struggles to take accountability?

SPEAKER_03 23:05

Flag on the play. Red.

SPEAKER_04 23:08

Why?

SPEAKER_03 23:09

It's a red flag. Because if she struggles to take accountability, that means she's always gonna be looking to shift the blame.

SPEAKER_04 23:18

You learned a whole new some new count words.

SPEAKER_03 23:22

Shift the blame. Okay. So you she gotta be ready to, and it's honestly that's not just that's on both sides. You gotta be ready to take accountability for for your for your actions. Because I always say that regardless of what side of the situation that you're on, you're accountable for something. Yeah, accountability accountability doesn't necessarily mean a bad thing, and it doesn't necessarily mean you're wrong, it don't, or that you're admitting guilt or wrongdoing.

SPEAKER_05 23:47

You're accepting or acknowledging your part, and yeah, and how in the situation, I agree. Um red flag or green flag, a woman still has close ties to her ex.

SPEAKER_03 24:00

That's a red flag. Now it's a red flag. Because in my mind. Okay, go ahead. Go ahead, go ahead and shoot them bell. Show them, go ahead.

SPEAKER_05 24:13

What if they have a child together? They're gonna have to have some type of tie.

SPEAKER_03 24:19

Close.

SPEAKER_05 24:20

Oh.

SPEAKER_03 24:20

Well, I mean I mean they have a cordial co-parenting situation.

SPEAKER_05 24:23

Yeah, core. I mean, wouldn't that still kind of be kind of close though? Like you're still close in some sense.

SPEAKER_03 24:28

It depends on how old the child is. I think we need to once that child's like eight, nine, you ain't gotta be that close.

SPEAKER_05 24:34

I think we need to establish the word close and what we mean by close.

SPEAKER_03 24:39

You mean next to. Oh, okay. Let me ask you this. Is it a red flag or a green flag if a man avoids difficult conversations? Red flag. That's a red flag. So tell me why.

SPEAKER_05 24:50

I because first of all, if you are to be looked at like the leader, right? You can't be afraid to open your mouth and have tough conversations. Okay. That's that's like your communication, you your communication can't be limited to you having tough conversations. Okay.

Green Flags That Build Trust

SPEAKER_03 25:14

Then let me ask you this one then. Is it a red flag or a green flag if he's easily angered? That's a red flag. But what if he's just passionate about you?

SPEAKER_05 25:21

That's not passion. Anger. That's not passion. No, no, no woman wants to be with an angry man or a man who's easily the anger. It doesn't matter. And that's that's an even bigger red flag because now you're blaming me for your lack of self-control.

SPEAKER_03 25:37

Well, I have self-control. You just won't get the goddamn cake anime.

SPEAKER_05 25:40

Okay. Bye. Huh? Bye. Huh?

SPEAKER_03 25:44

Okay.

SPEAKER_04 25:47

Okay, goodbye.

SPEAKER_05 25:53

Um, red flag or a green flag. A woman who expresses her needs clearly and directly.

SPEAKER_03 25:59

That's a green flag.

SPEAKER_05 26:00

Obviously.

SPEAKER_03 26:01

That's a green flag. Let me tell you what. Don't look here. Look here now. Look here now. Don't nothing I enjoy more than when I don't have to figure out what the fuck you mean.

SPEAKER_05 26:10

Okay.

SPEAKER_03 26:11

You understand what I'm saying? When it's clear, it's clear. And when it's written in stone, this is what she means. I can handle that because now I have a direct goal. I just need to accomplish what she's called.

SPEAKER_05 26:26

So now you don't have to use your complex crazy work. I can't make it easy for you. Um, is it a red flag or a green flag if she has long-term stable relationships?

SPEAKER_02 26:40

That's a green flag. Friendships.

SPEAKER_03 26:42

That's a green flag.

SPEAKER_05 26:43

Yeah, obviously. That's a green flag. Why is that a green flag? Because what does that indicate to you?

SPEAKER_03 26:48

A good judgment and choice of friends, number one. That's number one.

SPEAKER_05 26:52

But you could still be friends with them for this long.

SPEAKER_03 26:55

It means that she has a she has a pretty good judge of character.

SPEAKER_05 26:58

Uh-huh.

SPEAKER_03 26:59

That that's number one.

SPEAKER_05 27:01

Okay. Red flag or green flag if your woman shuts down when she's stressed.

SPEAKER_02 27:09

Oh. Yeah.

SPEAKER_05 27:11

It's a little that's iffy. That's like a yellow flag, huh?

SPEAKER_03 27:16

It can go either way.

SPEAKER_04 27:18

It can go either way.

SPEAKER_03 27:19

Either way. Because if you recognize it, then you know how to. I don't think that's either way.

SPEAKER_02 27:25

Yeah. I'm gonna say, I'm gonna say, I would say green flag. I'm gonna say maroon.

SPEAKER_05 27:41

Um, I know the answer to this, but I'm gonna ask you. Red flag or green flag? A woman who is financially responsible.

SPEAKER_03 27:48

That's a green flag. Because I need to know that I can count. I can trust you with the bank account.

SPEAKER_05 27:54

I need to trust that if we only got$7, you're not gonna go to the store and spend$6.99.

SPEAKER_03 28:00

Because I know someone who will. Your daughter?

SPEAKER_05 28:04

Wait a minute. Side note.

SPEAKER_03 28:05

She's gonna be like, you just gotta get more money.

Rapid-Fire Red Or Green Scenarios

SPEAKER_05 28:07

Side note. You just reminded me of the side story. So she got another gift card in the mail day before yesterday from her birthday. It was a$25 gift card to Target. So I told her I would take her up to Target. Now, every time we have gone to like get her um like birthday gifts or whatever, would she have money? I make it a point to, you know, how we try to like teach her about budgeting and stuff like that. So I make it a point to never give her extra if she goes over her spending or whatever. So, same thing yesterday. She was like, How much is my gift card? And I gave her a gift card. I was like, Your gift card's$25, so your budget is$25, but that's also going to include your tax. And she's like, Okay, the way that baby was trying to budget that$25 to get as much as she possibly could. Because it's her money. She ended up spending like$22.63. We get to the register, and she she always does this thing where she like puts her hands together like she's praying that she has enough money to cover what she wants to get. And she was like, Oh, I hope I have enough money. Mama really got trauma already.

unknown 29:03

Right.

SPEAKER_05 29:04

And that's the part I don't like, you know? And so then she had asked me, she was like, are she was like, um, is there is it possible to like put more money with a gift card? And I was like, absolutely. And she was like, Oh, I think, well, maybe you can put some more money with it. And I said, Oh no, I'm not gonna do that. I'm not, because you're gonna stick to the budget. So she gets to the register, she pays for her things, she's excited. The lady behind us was like, Oh, are you spending your own money? And she was like, Yeah.

SPEAKER_03 29:31

Like, get out here. Let's go get out here.

SPEAKER_05 29:36

And I was like, and I said, and she stayed within her budget, and then the lady was like, Good job, mom. I was like, I'm not gonna add nothing extra. This baby gonna learn how to budget. She even asked about her savings. Oh, wow. She said, Can I add, can I get some from a and then put it? I said, Babe, that's not how the savings works either. No, ma'am.

SPEAKER_03 29:53

Is it is it a red flag or green flag when a man has ambition?

SPEAKER_05 29:56

Is it a what?

SPEAKER_03 29:58

Red flag or a green flag when a man has ambition.

SPEAKER_05 30:00

Oh, that's a green flag. Absolutely. Who wants to be with a man with no ambition? That's crazy.

SPEAKER_03 30:06

What if it's misguided ambition?

SPEAKER_05 30:08

Like, what do you mean? Example.

SPEAKER_03 30:09

Like, like his drive ain't taking him nowhere but down. Because our ambition ain't good ambition.

SPEAKER_05 30:15

Like, if he was like a uh street pharmaceutical rep, but he's ambitious to be as successful. I can still respect the ambition with the hustle. I can't be there because I don't plan on doing jail time. Um, and I'm no snitch. Okay. But nonetheless, his ambition is still a green flag.

SPEAKER_03 30:35

Is that a red flag or a green flag?

SPEAKER_05 30:36

That is a green flag. You must have a good sense of humor.

SPEAKER_03 30:39

What if he's what if he what is everything is humorous?

SPEAKER_05 30:42

Like everything's like he can't take anything serious? That's a red flag. Because now it's like, what are you deflecting from? That means you can't have a serious moment. Because then that would just piss me off.

SPEAKER_03 30:52

So women just want the world.

SPEAKER_05 30:54

Just like you guys.

SPEAKER_03 30:57

No, I just want that ass.

SPEAKER_02 30:58

Okay.

SPEAKER_03 31:02

Is it a red flag or a green flag if a man is overly attached to his mother?

SPEAKER_05 31:06

That's a red flag.

SPEAKER_03 31:07

Crazy world.

SPEAKER_05 31:08

That's a red flag. Overly attached? That's a red flag. I love my mama. I'm your woman now.

SPEAKER_03 31:15

I didn't say my mama was.

SPEAKER_05 31:17

Yeah, but if you're overly attached, you should be treating her like she's your woman. I'm not, I didn't say I do. Because then what are you overly attached for? You can be normally attached to your mom. Okay, but why'd you gotta be overly attached? Why do you gotta be jealous of her? Ain't nobody jealous. It's just creepy. Why are you overly attached?

SPEAKER_03 31:33

I'm laying next to you every night.

SPEAKER_05 31:34

Okay.

SPEAKER_03 31:34

It's not a competition.

SPEAKER_05 31:35

Yeah, but at any at any given moment, you'd rather lay next to your mama. No. That's crazy work. My mama snore in her sleep. Bible. Stupid. My mama snores in her sleep. Um, red flag or green flag. A woman who cannot apologize. That's a red flag. Why?

SPEAKER_03 31:53

Because she's not taking accountability. Compounded.

SPEAKER_05 31:57

I don't see it that way.

SPEAKER_03 31:58

Two flags on the play.

SPEAKER_05 31:59

I don't see it that way.

SPEAKER_03 32:00

Strength determination. I'm teasing. Strength determination.

SPEAKER_05 32:04

Red flag or green flag, she initiates affection or intimacy. That's a great flag. Green flag.

SPEAKER_03 32:10

That's one you don't never pull out.

SPEAKER_05 32:12

That's the green flag. That's when you don't pull out.

SPEAKER_04 32:14

What? What'd you say?

unknown 32:16

Oh wait.

SPEAKER_04 32:17

Wait, what did you what did you say? Wait, did she what did you say? That's when you never pull out.

SPEAKER_03 32:26

That's when you don't pull out. I said that's one that you never pull out.

SPEAKER_04 32:33

I was like, that works too. What?

SPEAKER_03 32:37

Like I always say, my couch pulls out. I don't. Your couch doesn't. Because he learned from me.

SPEAKER_04 32:46

Bye.

SPEAKER_03 32:48

Is it a red flag or a green flag? Ooh. Yeah, what's that? Yeah, think about it. Dwell in it.

SPEAKER_05 32:57

I like a little cockiness. Yeah, yeah.

SPEAKER_03 32:59

You like a little cock, huh? But not a lot. Okay.

SPEAKER_05 33:02

Um, I'm gonna save red flag then. Why? Demon. If it's overall. Because if we're thinking about in the extreme sense, um I don't need him to be so cocky that he can't like back it up. You know what I mean? Like being cocky or overconfident is is cool sometimes. It's kind of great sometimes if you really can back it up. But like, you know, with today's pickings, it might be something like What do you know about today's pickings? No, I'm just saying. You're trying to pick?

unknown 33:33

No.

SPEAKER_02 33:33

You trying to be trolls? No, not at all. Oh, no, not at all.

SPEAKER_05 33:37

I literally was just having this conversation with my sister uh yes yesterday, day no, day before yesterday. And she was telling me about, you know, the date thing and the guy. And I was like, you know, I part of me kind of feels as though if I were single, like right now, and at my big grown age, I probably would be most content in an apartment of my choice decorated like how I want it with my little puppy who won't be more than seven pounds, uh like a good book, and just like weekends going to the movies by myself or something. Of course, there will be downsides. Obviously, there would be downsides, but we're not looking at the downsides.

SPEAKER_03 34:25

Is it a red flag or a green flag when he apologizes without making excuses?

SPEAKER_05 34:30

It's it's the the most beautiful green flag possible. Okay, a man who can take accountability, apologize, be genuine about it, and convey the being genuine about it.

SPEAKER_03 34:48

Chef's kiss. Chef's kiss. It's it's crazy because y'all know what's going on.

SPEAKER_05 34:53

It's it's almost it's like it's almost like a black man who avidly reads. It's Chef's kiss.

SPEAKER_03 34:58

Chef's kiss. This motherfucker get on book talk for one week.

SPEAKER_05 35:04

No, I'm not, I'm not on book talk. I'm on black men who read book talk.

SPEAKER_03 35:10

So you're chef's kiss. You are really that's crazy because you didn't give me that same energy when I was reading all my comic books.

unknown 35:17

Okay.

SPEAKER_04 35:18

Bye, Maurice.

SPEAKER_03 35:20

I got I got about a hundred series up there I can tell you all about, but you don't care about that stuff. I guess only I guess you only want the black men that read that smut if you're reading.

SPEAKER_02 35:29

I don't read smut. You need reading porn. I read.

SPEAKER_04 35:32

I don't.

SPEAKER_02 35:33

You be reading porn.

SPEAKER_04 35:35

I remember. I'm not gonna read I read. I'm not gonna read porn. You love stories.

SPEAKER_03 35:40

Okay, with a lot of fucking.

SPEAKER_04 35:41

They have plots.

SPEAKER_03 35:43

Yeah, yeah.

SPEAKER_05 35:44

They have a lot of storytelling.

SPEAKER_03 35:46

Yeah, okay. Yeah. Okay. Yeah, she moaned loudly. That's that's what it tells. Is it a red flag or green flag if he hides his phone?

SPEAKER_05 35:55

Oh, that's a red flag.

SPEAKER_03 35:56

Of his business. I don't give a shit what you're hiding it for. Stop looking at my phone. It's my phone.

SPEAKER_05 36:00

First of all, I'm probably not even I'm I mean, for me personally, I'm probably not even checking it. But why are you taking the extra measure to hide it? That's weird. Why not? It's weird.

SPEAKER_03 36:10

Why not? It's weird. It's none of your business would happen over here. Okay.

SPEAKER_05 36:14

It it won't you're right. It wouldn't be my business because I wouldn't be around.

SPEAKER_03 36:18

You know, I don't even care. Where I leave my phone at, I couldn't find it for a couple for a couple hours. Sometimes I'd be so attached, detached, I'd be like, oh, whatever.

SPEAKER_05 36:28

Red flag or green flag? She's a jealous woman.

SPEAKER_03 36:32

That's a green flag.

SPEAKER_02 36:34

You just like drama.

SPEAKER_03 36:36

She's gonna show up every day.

SPEAKER_05 36:39

She's gonna show up every day. What do you mean she's gonna show up every day just randomly, huh? You randomly at work and she's right there on your route.

SPEAKER_03 36:47

Oh my gosh, she always checks on me. She's so caring.

SPEAKER_05 36:54

She always checks on me. At any given moment, I can turn my head and she's there.

SPEAKER_03 37:00

That's a red flag. You're gonna end up being overbearing. I can I need I need my space. You think so? Yeah, you know I like you know, I wouldn't.

SPEAKER_05 37:06

You need just space? Really? That's funny because you're all up in mind always.

SPEAKER_03 37:10

I got a sickness for the thickness. If you would cure my sickness, okay, you can get some space. Um, yeah, I just like I don't know, jealousy is too much, overwhelming.

SPEAKER_02 37:23

Okay. I can't do that.

SPEAKER_03 37:25

Because I'm not a jealous person, yeah. You know, uh, but I what I will say is in that new prank trend going around where the dudes out there holding and grabbing uh men's woman's hands in stores and and making them statements. I'm like that one guy where it's like when he was like, Man, do you do you do you like do you love your life? That's around.

SPEAKER_05 37:44

I mean, but he was like he was making a point. He's like, You see, she's struggling to reach.

SPEAKER_03 37:47

I'm not I'm not talking about that one. Which one? I'm talking about he walked up and grabbed her hand and he and he slapped that shit away so quick. He's like, You value your life. But see, I wouldn't slap it away. I'd sit wait to see your reaction.

Looks, Toxicity, And The “Mid” Debate

SPEAKER_05 37:58

Oh, like the there was a one couple where uh he had asked her because he didn't do anything, and he asked her, um, oh, is this your boyfriend? And she was like, I don't know. Yeah, I don't know. And he was like, I thought you were supposed to do something. When he said that, right? I would have been like, and we're no, he's not my boyfriend. Oh, right. He's not because I'm looking for crazy work. Oh no. How how are you gonna stand there and watch another man sit there and like touch me and stuff and you not say nothing? Right, that's crazy.

SPEAKER_03 38:31

That's crazy. Red flag and green flag. He takes initiative.

SPEAKER_05 38:34

What is it? Red flag or green flag? What? He takes initiative. Oh, that's a green flag. You know, that's a that's those are big words in our house. Yeah, you know, I always use that. Take initiative, which is crazy because you never do. Take initiative.

SPEAKER_03 38:46

You never do.

SPEAKER_05 38:46

Really? Crazy work, crazy work. Take initiative.

SPEAKER_03 38:50

Crazy work.

SPEAKER_05 38:51

Um, I was gonna say red light, green light.

SPEAKER_03 38:54

This is not square games.

SPEAKER_05 38:56

Red flag, red flag or green flag. Uh, she's a woman who uh prioritizes family relationships. That's a green flag.

SPEAKER_03 39:06

Okay, because that means I know she's gonna take care of good care of my kids.

SPEAKER_05 39:11

Red flag or green flag. She's a woman who overshares details online or seeks attention from social media. Red flag. Why?

SPEAKER_03 39:21

On the plot. What if it's a drop? Because she's lacking in happiness. What?

SPEAKER_05 39:25

How does how do you correlate that to be searching for validation?

SPEAKER_03 39:28

Why are you oversharing?

SPEAKER_05 39:30

Isn't everybody searching for validation? You don't want to be validated.

SPEAKER_03 39:34

I am. You tell me I ain't shit. My daughter tell me I ain't shit.

SPEAKER_05 39:40

What more validation do I need? Whatever. Okay, one more. Let's see. Um, red flag or green flag. Um, she's a woman who's easily angered or very reactive.

SPEAKER_03 39:56

Now, see the Responsible side of me said that's a red flag because she's just hot tempered all the time.

SPEAKER_05 40:06

But the drama side of you, but the man side of me says, Oh, she just a little spicy, like a little attitude, and never looked a little fine cracker. Wait a minute. Wait a minute. So wait a minute. There was this video that went viral. That went viral. Went what? Went viral. And it was it was it was something to the effect of like how men say the most like volatile women are also like the best looking women, right? And then the like, you know, like she's so toxic, toxic, the top the crazy ones, but she's also the most attractive. So like the most attractive women are also the most crazy ones, right? And then, you know, obviously it's the opposite on the other end. And so he was talking about that's why you get you try to find a woman like seven in the middle. He was like, you find one that is like attractive but doesn't have that much toxic toxicness. You know what I mean?

SPEAKER_03 41:03

It's like that chart, the more you fuck around.

SPEAKER_05 41:06

Yeah. So then she was so she so she set herself up. She asked her husband, he started explaining all this. So she was like, So what am I? Like, like mid, and he's basically like Yeah.

SPEAKER_03 41:20

Like you're not the hottest thing out here.

SPEAKER_04 41:22

That's what he said. That's what he's like.

SPEAKER_03 41:23

But you ain't ugly.

SPEAKER_00 41:26

You ain't ugly.

SPEAKER_04 41:29

That's literally what he said.

SPEAKER_05 41:30

He was like, like, you're not the most, like, most attractive woman. Yeah, but you're not ugly either. Like, I wouldn't have chosen, I wouldn't have chosen you if you were like super ugly. But he was like, but think about it, he's like, the most attractive women are the most toxic. And of course, that's like, he's like, that's fun, but that's not who we marry. Like, it's cool, but that's not who we marry. She was like, she turned the camera to herself and she was like, Are you fucking kidding me? Was like, not your husband telling you you mid, but at least he was honest.

SPEAKER_03 42:01

The whole time you thought she was accused.

SPEAKER_05 42:04

The whole time you thought your husband thought you was a 10. Crazy work only to find out you were 6.5. 10 to my eyes, but you what homeboy said? He said she might be a seven of you, but over here on this roster, she might be a 10. So you don't know.

SPEAKER_03 42:19

That was the homeboy. That was uh that was um Bumbi.

SPEAKER_05 42:22

Bumby, yeah. I mean, but you never know. She might be a six on somebody else's.

SPEAKER_03 42:28

That's why I cut her off the first one.

SPEAKER_05 42:29

What? When I grab your BR. When I grab your BR.

SPEAKER_03 42:36

I cut my because you sit there, you grab it, then you tangle it up, then I gotta eat it.

SPEAKER_05 42:40

No, I was I'm detangling it when I do that. It feels like I'm tangling it, but I'm detangling it.

SPEAKER_03 42:45

What's the biggest green flag a man can show?

SPEAKER_05 42:48

Uh for me, that's probably gonna be like lying or lack of follow-through.

SPEAKER_03 42:54

I said biggest green flag.

SPEAKER_05 42:56

Oh, green flag. Sorry.

SPEAKER_03 42:59

I'm being too honest.

SPEAKER_00 43:01

Shit.

SPEAKER_03 43:02

Well, goddamn.

SPEAKER_05 43:03

Um, being a man of his word. Being kind.

SPEAKER_03 43:08

Being respectful.

SPEAKER_05 43:10

Mm-hmm. Being a man of his word, being kind. Um, the opposite of that, red flag, like I said, not being able to follow through. I mean, that's like a really big one. Like being unkind, being a piece of shit. You know, just like the guy who my sister's friend went out with who lied about his age.

SPEAKER_03 43:33

That's crazy.

Comment Of The Week

SPEAKER_05 43:34

Yeah, that's crazy work because we're we're too damn old to be lying about our age. All right, guys. Let's move on to the comment of the week. Ah, you thought I forgot. You thought I forgot, and I didn't. I did not. Don't look at me like that.

SPEAKER_03 43:52

The comment of the week is What's the comment of the week? Come from, I want to say this is what would you say that is? Shouldn't it? Let me see. I don't want to butcher. I'll be butchering people.

SPEAKER_05 44:02

Shalea Murray.

SPEAKER_03 44:03

I don't think that's why you say that, but we're gonna go with that.

SPEAKER_05 44:06

Shila.

SPEAKER_03 44:06

And she says, he's my spirit twin. Referring to me.

SPEAKER_02 44:11

Oh gosh, you want to be checking.

SPEAKER_03 44:12

His initial response to most things is what is what automatically comes to my head. And this is from the post about the uh the lady who uh wanted uh asked if she could have an open uh relationship with her friend's husband, husband, and I said what I said.

SPEAKER_05 44:28

What did you say? I forgot I said what I said, I said, but I said what I said. But I said what I said, um and this comes from the second comment comes from life is hard, bitches life underscore is underscore hard, bitches.

SPEAKER_03 44:53

He says, I'm assuming it's a he. I agree. I want that energy. I I want you to goddamn call Tina, call Tina, call her and tell her to come get your shit. Now, this is in response to the video about old girl that said she was the prize when she the girlfriend that was sleeping on the couch.

SPEAKER_05 45:11

Oh, the one that was that lost her job was sleeping on her boyfriend's couch, and she said that she is.

AITA: Two Rejected Proposals

SPEAKER_03 45:16

And I read it, I said, this gotta be a black person to change Erica's lyrics and change uh Tyrone into Tina.

SPEAKER_05 45:22

It's crazy. Tell Tina you better call Tina.

SPEAKER_02 45:27

Call Tina come tell her, come get your shit. That's funny.

SPEAKER_05 45:31

All right, guys. Let's uh move this along.

SPEAKER_03 45:35

Let's head right on into all of you got some good ones this time.

SPEAKER_05 45:41

Uh let me see. Am I the asshole for ending my relationship after my girlfriend said no to marriage? Okay. I'm a 41-year-old male and I've been dating my ex-girlfriend, who's 39, for nearly six years. Our relationship was a good one. Four years ago, I informed her family and friends I was gonna propose to her while we were on a family vacation and received their blessing and their well-wishes. The night I proposed, I tried to make the night as memorable and perfect as possible. I asked her a nice, asked her out for a nice dinner surrounded by family, and she said, no, not yet, anyways. I was quite hurt, honestly, and went back to our room to think things out and not overreact. A few hours later, she came to the room and asked me what was wrong and why I left the group. We had a fairly long conversation as to my feelings and her reasons for denying my proposal. Turns out she didn't think that I was ready for the commitment just yet. So I took her thoughts to heart and informed her. I understood her reasoning. However, I was raised in a way where, quote unquote, you take a no for a no, not a maybe or a next time. All right now. She asked me to just wait a bit longer until we were in a stable place, and I agreed. Eight to ten months later, she started dropping hints that she was ready to be married. I can't wait for our wedding. Our wedding is gonna be spectacular. I'm so looking forward to my dad walking me down the aisle, etc. A little over a year since my first proposal, I decided to propose again. This time, just us together after a wonderful date night. When I opened the ring box, she got really quiet and once again said no. Oh, hell no. Not yet. Maybe a little bit more down the line. Okay. After the second refusal, I fell out of love with her. It sounds cold, but it was the truth. We got back home. I slept in our guest bedroom and spent the rest of the night thinking of our relationship. The next morning, she asked why I didn't sleep in our bedroom, and I told her the truth and informed her that I think we need to just end the relationship. I informed her that I take marriage very seriously and I do not want to be let on. And this time, this no was the final no on the subject. I gave her a month to find a new place to live. And since then, I have been receiving text messages and emails from her friends and family informing me I am a heartless bastard and trying to get me to forgive her and ask her one more time and not to be a callous asshole. My friends have my back on this and understand why I ended the relationship. But am I the asshole? Absolutely not.

SPEAKER_03 48:12

Absolutely not.

SPEAKER_05 48:14

Not you proposing two times.

SPEAKER_03 48:16

Hold on, hold on, hold on, hold on, hold on, hold on. The first time, she she kind of she broke his spirit a little bit.

SPEAKER_04 48:21

Yeah, but he got back on the horse.

SPEAKER_03 48:24

But he clearly liked her.

SPEAKER_04 48:25

Yep.

SPEAKER_03 48:25

He loves her, he loved her, and he really wanted to see if first of all, how you gonna tell me when I'm ready? I don't think you're ready. Bitch. How do you know how I'm ready?

SPEAKER_05 48:33

Just say you're not ready. That's right. Just say you're not ready.

SPEAKER_03 48:36

Don't don't traject over here. Don't project over here.

SPEAKER_05 48:39

This is one of those situations where she just gonna have to propose to him.

SPEAKER_03 48:43

He finally found one.

SPEAKER_04 48:44

Finally found one. This is the perfect situation.

SPEAKER_05 48:49

I would have told her, you know what? When you think, when you think I'm ready, you just come to me. I'll tell you what type of wedding band I like. This is this is see, I knew, I knew there would be a situation where it would be appropriate for a woman to propose.

SPEAKER_03 49:04

I'm gonna say the second time, that would have done it for me too. Like, because what what one thing, one thing, as a man, I can love you, but I still have my pride in that. Right. And I'm only gonna be shot shot down so much. Everybody ain't Steve Urkel. Okay. I'm gonna have that right now. Everybody ain't Steve Urkel.

SPEAKER_05 49:21

No, but eventually Steve, Steve moved on, and then what happened when he tried to move on? Laura came around, and then they ended up getting married.

SPEAKER_03 49:29

Everybody ain't Dwayne. Yeah. Okay. Because Whitley would have been gone.

SPEAKER_02 49:34

Bye.

SPEAKER_03 49:36

That's for me, Whitley.

SPEAKER_02 49:37

Whitley would have been gone. I don't know, Dwayne. Me either, Whitney.

SPEAKER_04 49:41

Me either, Whitley. We ain't gonna find out together.

SPEAKER_03 49:45

So I don't think you're asshole at all. Yeah. It's like, how many, how many times does she you have to she needs to acknowledge the fact that every time she said no, she somewhat broke your heart. Yeah. So she needs to.

SPEAKER_05 49:56

And he should have been really open about that.

SPEAKER_03 49:58

Be a green flag and take accountability.

SPEAKER_05 50:00

Bye. I mean, he did, he did pretty much tell her the second time. He was like, okay. That's it. Because if it's not gonna go anywhere, then what's the point?

SPEAKER_03 50:07

I do so I I salute you if I'm kicking her out. Okay.

SPEAKER_05 50:11

Yes, she he told her that she had you got a month to find a place. Right. Bye. You're so stupid. Am I the asshole for finding someone else when my wife opened our relationship?

SPEAKER_03 50:25

Oh okay, here we go.

AITA: Open Relationship Backfires

SPEAKER_05 50:27

Um I'm a 29, I'm a 29-year-old male and my wife, 30, have been together for seven years and married for four years. Last year, she came up with the idea of an open relationship to try new things. I said it's not something I'm comfortable that comfortable for me, but would like to stay monogamous. I felt weird because it came out of nowhere. We were good and planning to build a family together. After my reply, she insisted a lot. In the end, I decided to give it a try. And here are the boundaries that we had set. Um, you should always prioritize your spouse instead of the other partner. Always use protection. Do not bring home another partner to our shared home, and do not form overly emotional connections. I told her that I'm not sure if I can do some of those things. I'm an emotional person, though I love the physical part too. She said it's okay. I will be able to do it. And it's hard for men for to form emotional relationships in such cases anyway. She found a partner quickly and easily. My wife was my first relationship partner, so I was not confident in myself. I did not have great chances when I was in my 20s. Eventually, after clearing out most of my work, I decided to try finding a partner in my spare time. Surprisingly, I was flocked with interest from younger or around my age women. All right now. I knew maturing and aging did a great job for me, but not to this extent. Glow up. I started talking to multiple people, but decided to go ahead with only one of them. When I shared this information with my wife, she seemed surprised, but congratulated. In awe. She said she is shocked and how beautiful this woman is, and I that I was able to get her. It has been 10 months since finding a partner, but the more I got to know them and spend time with them, we have formed an emotional connection together. You told her. This woman is aware of my situation and respects my boundaries. I realize that I have lost emotional and physical connections with my wife over time. I know one of the boundaries were about emotional connections and prioritizing your spouse, but I told her that I was not sure if I could comply with any of those. Okay. I had a difficult talk with my wife last week about my situation. She immediately offered closing the relationship and going to couples counseling. But I'm not interested, to be honest. She feels no different than a friend to me now. And I'm afraid I have built resentment for her due to the open relationship situation and all. I told her that I would just, I told her it would only extend the misery for me and I would like to have a divorce. She flipped and cried, saying that I'm throwing everything away for a fling. Am I the asshole here?

SPEAKER_02 53:03

No, she threw everything away for a fling.

SPEAKER_05 53:07

But see how she was surprised that she was able to get somebody? It is. That's because when a rabbit got the gun. We have heard this story time and time again. It ends the same way.

SPEAKER_03 53:19

It always happens. The person who wants to open the relationships ends up being exactly what they don't want it to be. Yep. And the person who just happy being with them realized that shit, I got options.

SPEAKER_02 53:28

Yep. Look here, player. Pop your collar.

SPEAKER_05 53:32

Yeah. It ends the same all the time.

SPEAKER_02 53:35

She's shocked.

SPEAKER_05 53:36

Yeah. She was already, first of all, he was already shocked that he got so many prospects. He got motion. He said, now look, I knew aging. He got what I knew aging helped me. I didn't know it helped me to this extent.

SPEAKER_03 53:48

Look here. A lot of men don't understand.

SPEAKER_05 53:51

Like a little, you get a little age on you, get your little something pepper.

SPEAKER_03 53:54

That, that, that, that, that, between 30 to 40, that decade, that's when you start glowing.

SPEAKER_05 54:02

Some will say it's the 40 to 50. Some will say it's the 50 to 60.

SPEAKER_02 54:05

I don't say that you get your emotion.

SPEAKER_05 54:07

But you get a little age on you, get your little something pepper, get your little currr. A little what? A little current. A little bit what? A little current. What would it do to you? And get your paper up. Get your paper up. You be surprised the prospects you got. Right. You be surprised.

SPEAKER_03 54:22

Right. We're not opening nothing.

SPEAKER_05 54:24

Oh, I don't have any interest. It's too much. I have a headache.

SPEAKER_03 54:28

I don't like talking to people as it is.

SPEAKER_05 54:30

Yeah, I know. I don't know. I have enough people rubbing my ass. So how many? Hold up. You and my daughter. She hits me too. So I don't know why she copied everything I do. Yeah, I'm good. Thanks so. Okay, we got one more. All right. Um, am I the jerk for locking my bedroom when my family visits and refusing to give my mother a key?

SPEAKER_03 54:53

Nope, not at all.

AITA: Locking The Bedroom Door

SPEAKER_05 54:55

I'm a 27-year-old female and I just bought a small condo last year, and I'm really proud of it. I finally have my own space after years of sharing rooms with siblings. Every few weeks, my parents and younger cousins come over for dinner. Every few weeks. Right. First couple of times, it was fine until I noticed my makeup bag moved and some jewelry missing from the tray on my dresser. Oh Lord. Then my little cousin posted a mirror selfie from my bedroom on our story with my open closet in the background. I never gave anyone permission to hang out in there. I talked to my mom and she just brushed it off, saying, They're just kids. You should be flattered that they like your style. Next visit, I caught my aunt sitting on my bed going through my bookshelf to see what I was currently reading these days. After that, I put a cheap lock on my door, and now I just keep the room locked when people come over. Last weekend, my family came by, found the door locked, and my mom got offended. She pulled me into the kitchen and said that I was treating family like strangers and that I should at least give her the key so that she could check on things. The fuck you gotta check on. I told her no, my room is my private space, and that they had to respect it, and that I would not give her a key. She called me paranoid in front of everyone, and now my siblings are texting saying that I have made the vibe weird.

SPEAKER_02 56:18

Am I the jerk? No, they ain't gotta come over no more.

SPEAKER_05 56:22

First of all, why, why, okay, when you go to somebody's house, even if it's a family member, even if it's like like why is that your number one priority to be in their personal space?

SPEAKER_02 56:32

First of all, that's crazy.

SPEAKER_03 56:33

Crazy word. That's weird. The auntie, that's my number one pet peeve.

SPEAKER_05 56:39

Oh, people sitting on the bed. I don't like you. You can't sit on my bed. I don't know where you've been. You can't sit on my bed. Do not sit your ass on my bed where I laid my head. Yeah, do not sit on my bed.

SPEAKER_03 56:49

I don't even like people. Look here.

SPEAKER_05 56:50

Yeah.

SPEAKER_03 56:51

I don't even like people in our bedroom.

SPEAKER_01 56:54

Yeah.

SPEAKER_03 56:54

And the fact that your family is just so comfortable walking their ass in there when they want to talk to us when they are everybody over here.

SPEAKER_04 57:05

It really I'll really be like, hey, I'll be like, hold on, guys.

SPEAKER_03 57:09

I really do practice restraint because I'll be like, get in my head, I'll be like, get the f out of here.

SPEAKER_05 57:15

Like, hold on, guys. Let me come out.

SPEAKER_03 57:17

I do naked activities in here. I don't need you in here.

SPEAKER_05 57:20

I'm barely naked activities.

SPEAKER_03 57:22

I barely want my child in here.

SPEAKER_05 57:24

Naked activities. You know what I'm talking about? You know what I do? I'm gonna have to make a shirt. Naked activities.

SPEAKER_03 57:30

So you're not a first, you're not a jerk jerk at all.

SPEAKER_05 57:32

No, you're not a jerk at all. The thing is is that you're gonna be a- And tell your mama to kick rocks because you own that right. Right.

SPEAKER_03 57:37

The thing is, you tried to set boundaries, they didn't want to uh adhere to them. No, so you did what was necessary. Yeah. I I tell me, take a step further. Lock the condo.

SPEAKER_05 57:48

Bye. They come over for dinner.

SPEAKER_03 57:51

We take out it is we eat in the hallway.

SPEAKER_05 57:54

Okay, Marie. Someone's gonna eat in the hallway. Don't be able to do that.

SPEAKER_03 57:56

And my thing is, what are you checking on?

SPEAKER_05 57:58

Yeah, that's that's what I'm saying. Just so I can check on things. What are you what are exactly are you checking on? Y'all going through my stuff. That's what it is. You're being nosy. That's all it is. You just want to be nosy. That's because they're used to being in an environment where all the space was shared. And now that she has autonomy over her environment, it feels foreign to other people. It's like, why do you have to be so?

SPEAKER_03 58:26

I'm gonna tell you right now. I'm gonna tell you right now. If it went for that little one upstairs, we'd probably move somewhere when we get no address. Can we come over? No, we'll meet we'll meet y'all somewhere. Bye. You don't need to know where we live. No, we don't need to know. You don't need to know. We do adult activity. We do naked activities here.

SPEAKER_05 58:42

Okay. In the whole house. Shut up. We do naked activities here. You trust me. You don't want to be here.

SPEAKER_02 58:49

You don't want to be here. You don't want to be here. It's a sticky situation.

SPEAKER_05 58:52

Okay. Too much. Too far. Too far. Way too far. All right, guys. This has been another episode of the Life After I Do podcast. If you are not doing so already, you already know the drill. If this is not your first time here, if it is your first time here, you can always follow us on all of our social media platforms. Life After I Do Podcast on TikTok, Instagram, Facebook, YouTube, Life After Do Podcast. You can also write into the podcast, which you guys have been utilizing so frequently, and we really appreciate you. And let me say writing into the podcast at LifeAfter Do Podcast at gmail.com.

SPEAKER_03 59:30

Let me say this before you finish. People, we appreciate all the all the responses to the the text fan mail, but when you text us via the film the the fan mail the fan mail link on the audio versions, we cannot reply to those. Oh so we've had people ask us questions and like I can't reply to that. Yeah.

SPEAKER_05 59:49

So you either So don't think we're ignoring you because we're not. So either shoot us an email or or get in the comment section of one of the videos on like Instagram or YouTube.

Closing, Community Notes, And CTA

SPEAKER_03 59:59

Because if When we see it, we respond.

SPEAKER_05 1:00:02

Yeah. Thank you for doing that. Um, but yeah, so follow us, like, share, let everybody know. Tell a friend to tell a friend.

SPEAKER_03 1:00:12

It's the one motherfucker that said we shouldn't go live. It was hilarious. I'll say it's always one.

SPEAKER_05 1:00:25

It's always one. They have to do it. They have to do it.

SPEAKER_03 1:00:29

I thought it was hilarious firstly.

SPEAKER_05 1:00:31

Yeah, but you know, we're gonna we're gonna finish this year off strong, guys. Okay. Y'all been rocking with us and we appreciate it. We're gonna be doing great things. Yeah, you know, we got some fun stuff coming up for y'all because y'all, real ones out there.

SPEAKER_03 1:00:44

And we're gonna have to place a discount uh a disclaimer on some of these submissions because honestly, guys, we want to read all of these submissions, but some of y'all are sending us live stories that are dissertations that need to be chapter books. And we can they're like nine-part series, and we only got three minutes per reel. So we gotta we're we're leaning towards we gotta cut it down a little bit. We're leaning towards reading those on the lives.

SPEAKER_05 1:01:17

Yeah, yeah, those will be perfect for the lives, but we'll let you know.

SPEAKER_03 1:01:21

But we have received them and she's read them. I I look at them like I'm not reading on that. Since she liked to read, I let her read.

SPEAKER_05 1:01:31

And you know, I think I was thinking about I'm gonna start uh updating everybody weekly on my my book.

SPEAKER_03 1:01:37

So I'm reading until next time. We love y'all. Thanks for keeping liking, commenting, subscribe.

SPEAKER_05 1:01:44

And don't forget to tell a friend to tell a friend.

SPEAKER_03 1:01:46

Tell a friend to tell a friend to tell you to tell another friend to tell your grandma. Because the grandma know everything. Everybody knows that's true until next time.

SPEAKER_06 1:01:52

Peace, Miss