Apology Or Excuse

What separates a real apology from a polished excuse? In this episode of Life After I Do Podcast, we unpack why intent doesn’t erase impact, how common phrases quietly inflame conflict, and what true accountability sounds like. With practical scripts and honest conversation, we show how to turn hollow apologies into real repair.

Through listener stories involving intimacy challenges, family disrespect, and a hidden marriage, we explore emotional regulation, firm boundaries, and calm exits that protect dignity and trust. If you’re ready to retire empty phrases and build healthier conflict habits, this episode offers the language and tools to do it.

Transcript

Warm-Up, Banter, And Gym Talk

SPEAKER_02 0:00

The the boundary and the respect. You can't you some people like to use those types of phrases as an umbrella to say some shit that they know is gonna be disrespectful or to say some shit that's gonna intentionally hurt somebody's feelings. Okay now and then you use it under the umbrella of uh what was it? I was just uh speaking my truth. I was just speaking my truth. Who I am okay and that one. Who I am that one. No, no, that means absolutely nothing to me. If who you are as a person is is a shitty person, then get from around me.

SPEAKER_00 0:31

Who you are as a person is negative is negatively impacting relationships you care about, you need to look at yourself as a person.

SPEAKER_02 1:01

As always, come in, sit down, relax, kick off some water, grab a poppy or something.

SPEAKER_00 1:07

Not a poppy. This is we are not sponsored. I'm not giving no light that nobody does not sponsor me.

SPEAKER_02 1:15

Well, grab whatever beverage of choice you have.

SPEAKER_00 1:18

Get you some water because y'all dehydrated.

SPEAKER_02 1:20

Right. Y'all thirsty. Y'all thirsty. You ain't that. You ain't pregnant. You thirsty, bitch.

SPEAKER_01 1:27

Hey, Booski. Hey.

SPEAKER_00 1:29

How you feeling? How you doing? You look good. Oh, thank you. Now you know, you know I like when you were like any type of shade of green. Oh. You know, you know I'm an earth-toned type of guy.

SPEAKER_02 1:38

No. It's kind of cold and it was a little warm.

SPEAKER_00 1:41

Oh, I can I have multiple ways to warm you up. If you could only sign on the dotted line.

SPEAKER_02 1:47

I already signed on the dotted line.

SPEAKER_00 1:48

It's a separate one. Oh gosh.

SPEAKER_02 1:50

What does it entail?

SPEAKER_00 1:51

Uh off the camera only. Okay.

SPEAKER_02 1:53

Man.

SPEAKER_00 1:54

How you doing? How's your week? How you feeling?

SPEAKER_02 1:56

Um, I'm feeling good.

SPEAKER_00 1:57

That's good. A little sleepy. Oh. I had that effect almost.

SPEAKER_02 2:02

I'm not even gonna hold you. Oh, you're not gonna hold them tight? I'm not gonna hold you. She's not gonna hold you. Your girl could uh go lay down on the couch or wherever, right? I could lay down right here. Right. Oh. I can I can kick it high school and just put my head down on the table. Oh, okay. If you wanna be somebody, if you wanna go somewhere. Listen, I I could. Um, but other than that, like I'm I'm really good. I think um I got I got really tired after the gym today.

SPEAKER_00 2:30

Yeah, I mean, you put in work today.

SPEAKER_02 2:32

Yeah, that's why I was like, I really ass was asses.

SPEAKER_01 2:36

Oh my gosh.

SPEAKER_02 2:37

Ah ah you so you sound like uh like Merlena. She was like, girl, I meant to tell you that video you had posted. She was like, your legs. Yeah. She was like, I'm no better than a man.

SPEAKER_00 2:47

Hey, I told me, I said, I don't blame you. I said, I and I see it every day.

SPEAKER_02 2:51

Bye.

SPEAKER_00 2:51

I said, You should see it with no clothes on.

SPEAKER_02 2:53

Okay. Woo! Too much.

SPEAKER_00 2:56

Because if you get your piece of evil ass.

SPEAKER_02 2:58

She told she told me today she was like, we were talking and she was like, is it TMI? She was like, because to me, TMI is telling me more information.

SPEAKER_00 3:05

Wow. There's definitely a generational gap there.

SPEAKER_02 3:10

Yes, I said that's not what it means here, but okay. Um definitely a gap. But yeah, today was a good day at the gym. That's good, baby.

SPEAKER_00 3:17

Um, I put up what, the$295 or 10 on your back is crazy on box squats. Crazy. On your back? On box squats. So that was pretty, that was pretty good. That's why you're dragging that wagon. Okay. While you're pulling up to the stable, of course.

SPEAKER_02 3:33

I was like, I was only gonna do six, remember? I was like, But you did like 20. I did 10. But thanks. But I did 10. You still trying to hype you up. I know, but I did 10, thanks.

SPEAKER_00 3:44

Better hype your best to you.

SPEAKER_02 3:46

Hey, hype her up. Um, so that was good, but I feel like doing that and then like working leg extensions after that. I was like, my legs were cooked. I'm tired, grandpa. But that's two days. That's two days. Because my legs were cooked. RDLs. I did my RDLs at 230. That's crazy. Today I did my box squats. Oh, I yeah. Hold on.

SPEAKER_00 4:10

Wait a minute.

SPEAKER_02 4:11

What?

SPEAKER_00 4:11

I'm gonna have to get your RDLs and I'm about to name that something else. Because the way that ass be poking out.

SPEAKER_02 4:16

Oh my gosh. No one no one cares about my booty. I do but you.

SPEAKER_00 4:20

I do. Oh, I there's some guys looking. So that's mine, player.

SPEAKER_02 4:24

Really?

SPEAKER_00 4:25

That's mine, player. You should see it. Player, player. You should see it once you throw it back.

SPEAKER_02 4:29

Okay, too much. Now, now listen, millennial TMI. Millennial TMI, not Gen Z TMI. Um, so yeah, but today was a good day. I'm just, you know, a little tired. Good time. A little motherfucker. But the week was also good too. I don't have any complaints there. It's been a good week. Uh the baby had competition this past weekend. She walked away with two medals.

SPEAKER_00 4:52

Super Bowl Sunday.

SPEAKER_02 4:53

She did. She did. She walked away with two medals. I'm so proud of her. She was feeling herself too. Oh, yeah. She was really feeling it. She was like, she was like, who's the champion? I was like, girl.

SPEAKER_00 5:04

Calm down.

SPEAKER_02 5:04

Relax.

SPEAKER_00 5:05

You place. Look, you place.

SPEAKER_02 5:08

Right, but relax. Like, we love you down bad. Don't, don't give me, don't get me wrong.

SPEAKER_00 5:13

I was like, I think we, I think we hyphened her up too much. I know.

SPEAKER_02 5:17

I was like, girl, like, relax. Hyphened her blue too. But yeah, so shouts out to her and her team. Everybody, everybody walked away with hardware. That's good. Everybody walked away with two or more hardware. So that was actually really good because last year, two of the girls didn't even get medals.

SPEAKER_00 5:31

Yeah, it was it was good.

SPEAKER_02 5:32

So this year, everybody walked away with hard uh hardware, including the girls. It's their first year out. I mean, they've been putting their work.

SPEAKER_00 5:41

I'm happy that their hard work is being um appreciated and paying off.

SPEAKER_02 5:45

Yeah, so that was fun. Um got to spend time with family. You know how I feel about that.

SPEAKER_00 5:50

Yeah, you know. Okay. Go ahead and tell them about it.

SPEAKER_02 5:53

What? Go ahead. We got to spend time at your dad's house. Yeah, you got to spend time with your grandma and my assistant. My grandma's hilarious. My great niece, my mom, your dad. She she said I. Your grandma is hilarious. What did she say? You ain't nothing but a drop in the woods.

SPEAKER_00 6:07

She said I was nothing but a um a drop something in the water.

SPEAKER_02 6:13

In the water, yeah.

SPEAKER_00 6:14

Talking about our daughter. Yeah. Like talking about it didn't take me long to make her.

SPEAKER_02 6:20

I think she said nothing like you ain't nothing but a drop of a bucket or something like that. But she's hilarious. I was like, Grady is hilarious. Hilarious. Um, so that was really fun. And then, you know, the fun part that was not, the part that was not fun is my car started to try to play my life.

SPEAKER_00 6:35

It always does that part was like. I said, I'm finna hit it with the holy water.

SPEAKER_02 6:51

I told him, I said, I got online. I was like, okay, just so you know, just in case, if it's not a small issue, I got a couple of cars lined up. If you want to take a look at them, I'll schedule an appointment at the dealership. He was like, you're not going to the dealership.

SPEAKER_00 7:05

That's your immediate reaction.

SPEAKER_02 7:07

I was talking to my cousin on the phone and she was like, she was like, Well, y'all finna go to the dealership. I said, I'm gonna be prepared. I got a couple of options for him to look at.

SPEAKER_00 7:16

I said, I said, your car can get a flat. Well, you know, we might as well go ahead and go look at it.

SPEAKER_02 7:20

We might as well just go ahead and replace it, pimp.

SPEAKER_00 7:24

Nah.

SPEAKER_02 7:25

But then I told her, I was like, no, because I literally want to enjoy not having a car payment. I was like, all of our cars are paid off. We have the pink sip too, all of our cars. I was like, I want to enjoy not having a car payment. I was like, this is not gonna be a big issue. It's not gonna be a big issue. And it's not, thank God. It's not. But I was like, I was ready. I couldn't see. Look, I was ready. Oh, I know. I know. You what's your dealership you want to try? Wait, where do you want to go first? Where do you want to go?

SPEAKER_00 7:50

I know where we're not going. I tell you that much. I tell you that much. My week was good. Um, I was happy to see my baby. Um, you know, I had some choice words for um some judges. Oh my god. Because I wasn't understanding this scoring. I'll say that.

SPEAKER_02 8:06

They were a little tough on some of the events this time.

SPEAKER_00 8:08

No, no, no, no, no, no, no.

SPEAKER_02 8:09

Because this event last year, she got four medals.

SPEAKER_00 8:12

George, you had your turn.

SPEAKER_02 8:13

Okay, sorry. But I was agreeing with you. Really? Don't be that parent.

SPEAKER_00 8:20

I have the footage.

SPEAKER_02 8:21

Don't be that parent.

SPEAKER_00 8:22

And if I post this footage side by side and I shut and I'm like, I'll be like, who got the nine? And they and they would say, they would say my child should have got the nine. But I digress.

SPEAKER_02 8:31

Um don't be that parent.

SPEAKER_00 8:33

So, you know, and then like you said, it was a good week. Um, strong, sore.

SPEAKER_02 8:38

Yeah.

SPEAKER_00 8:38

Um, I'm not having slept much since Sunday because Sunday was uh exhausting.

SPEAKER_02 8:43

Yeah, Sunday was rough.

SPEAKER_00 8:44

I didn't get home to I sent you. A quarter to 11. I I sent them home with the rest of the family and I waited for the tow truck four hours by myself.

SPEAKER_02 8:51

Which was crazy because they told you it was only gonna be when you first ordered it, it was 45 minutes. Yeah. First it was an hour, wasn't it?

SPEAKER_00 8:57

It was like it was like 45 minutes ago. Yeah.

SPEAKER_02 8:59

So and then after that, it was like, oh, 30 minutes. Yeah. 30 minutes. 30 minutes. I said, Well, damn, we're gonna be in a new day by the time they come get you.

SPEAKER_00 9:06

It was it was fine, but um other than that, I haven't had much sleep now these last couple days. But we, you know, like I tell my daughter, I'm always in the clock. Daddy don't clock out. Yeah, I'm working somewhere. I mean, I got one of my hats on.

SPEAKER_01 9:18

Okay.

SPEAKER_00 9:19

And I'm I'm I'm hustling and a bustling. You what? Hustling and a bustling.

SPEAKER_02 9:23

You hustling and a bustling.

SPEAKER_00 9:25

I'm like Joe Jackson at that steel meal.

SPEAKER_02 9:29

Right. Why are you always so why are you gonna be so dramatic about it?

Family Wins And A Long Weekend

SPEAKER_00 9:33

I'm just I'm just trying to make it out of Indiana. You know what I mean? The steel meal. Yeah, I'm just trying to make it out of Indiana. That's it. I'm like Joe Jackson. The meal. Yes, the meal. Yeah, we're gonna hit the meal. But what we got today, Booskies?

SPEAKER_02 9:49

Oh gosh. Um apologies or excuses. Um of the top phrases that we hear when people are trying to apologize, or is it is it a sincere apology or is it an excuse? Oh, my God. And I figure, I figure, you know, we're going into Valentine's Day week. This is Valentine's Day weekend coming up, you know? And all the people who are not gonna have a sweetheart or their sweetheart forgot. Maybe they forgot because they were forgettable. They they, you know, what are they gonna use an excuse as to why they forgot, or are they gonna apologize? And which of these statements?

SPEAKER_00 10:25

Oh, okay.

SPEAKER_02 10:26

You know, all right, these are these are these are common statements, but do you take these common statements as an apology, or could it be looked at as an excuse?

SPEAKER_00 10:35

Okay, so we oh so we make it and why? So we've been playing this or that.

SPEAKER_02 10:39

Uh why?

SPEAKER_00 10:40

Okay.

SPEAKER_02 10:40

Apology or an excuse? Because I want to know.

SPEAKER_00 10:43

You know, well, you've been on some sucker shit. You've been you've been playing. What does that mean? You've been wanting to play a lot of games lately.

SPEAKER_02 10:49

Yeah. I like playing games.

SPEAKER_00 10:51

Do you?

SPEAKER_02 10:52

Do you? I like surprises. I do. I do.

SPEAKER_01 10:58

He is hilarious.

SPEAKER_02 10:59

Okay, so we're gonna ask a series of statements.

SPEAKER_01 11:02

Okay.

SPEAKER_02 11:02

And then I want you to tell me if that's a sincere apology, or if it can be looked at as a sincere apology, or could it be looked at as an excuse? Okay. Either way, I want you to tell me why.

SPEAKER_00 11:14

Apology or excuse.

SPEAKER_02 11:15

Uh it whether you think it's an apology, tell me why. Whether you think it's an excuse to tell me.

SPEAKER_00 11:18

Oh, you want me to elaborate. Uh-huh. Oh my gosh. So I gotta show the work.

SPEAKER_02 11:22

Uh-huh. Yes. I want you to solve the problem and show your work.

SPEAKER_00 11:26

That's crazy work.

SPEAKER_02 11:27

Okay. What if I don't want to? Uh, it doesn't matter.

SPEAKER_00 11:30

I use a calculator. You just told me that.

SPEAKER_02 11:32

You know, your hold on, before we start. You know your daughter asked me for a damn calculator the other night when she was doing the math. I said, girl, you can't use a calculator. Mommy, girl, you're in trouble. She was like, can I just use one of those calculators? No. Uh, ma'am, you are learning third grade math. No, you cannot use a calculator. I would have told her yes.

SPEAKER_00 11:51

Once you use once you're at 19.

SPEAKER_02 11:53

I said, Phoenix. She was like, Well, because they be having calculators. No, they don't, not in the third grade. All right. Not in the third grade. I said, You're only learning your threes through sevens on multiple cases. Right. You're fine. She'll get it. I told her, I told her, I said, you know, your brain is a calculator and a computer. And she was like, Well, she did. She was like, What? I said, it's a it's a calculator and a computer. And the faster you can memorize things, these things, or get like a program down for you to get to the answer quicker.

SPEAKER_00 12:20

The better you're gonna be.

SPEAKER_02 12:21

Girl, the better you're gonna be. Like them sweet potatoes.

SPEAKER_00 12:23

Oh, okay.

SPEAKER_02 12:24

The faster you realize you get them sweet potatoes and bust them down the middle and put them in the oven for an hour, better you're gonna be. The better you're gonna be.

SPEAKER_00 12:31

All right, let's get into it. Come on, go ahead and ask, ask me the first.

SPEAKER_02 12:34

Am I asking you first? I'm asking you. We'll go back and forth.

SPEAKER_00 12:36

Okay, let's go.

SPEAKER_02 12:37

Okay. Is this a sincere apology or is this just an excuse? I'm sorry you feel that way, but that's not what I meant.

SPEAKER_00 12:47

That's an excuse.

SPEAKER_02 12:48

You think so? You said that.

SPEAKER_00 12:50

I do. I do.

SPEAKER_02 12:52

You said that before.

SPEAKER_00 12:53

I I know I have. But I say it's an excuse because I'm not finna crack I'm not finna um I'm not finna explain myself. That's one of them, that's one of them moments.

SPEAKER_02 13:03

I don't care to elaborate. You said say it again. I'm I'm sorry you feel that way, but that's not what I meant. Yeah, I mean well, okay. See? That sounds like you've used that quite a few times.

SPEAKER_00 13:16

It's it's it can be. It can go either way. Either way. It depends on how it's said. Okay, in the context. In the context of it. Because when I say it to you, I sincerely I I I'm apologizing. Yeah, I just because a lot of times, like I said, I apologize, I I really don't see it the way you see it.

SPEAKER_02 13:31

Yeah.

SPEAKER_00 13:32

Um, you're looking at apples, I'm looking at oranges. Yeah. And and I'm sorry, but I didn't know.

SPEAKER_02 13:37

I don't like those apples at the time. You know, right.

SPEAKER_00 13:39

I'm seeing oranges, you see an apples, but we can agree to disagree. Okay. But that's not, you know, I guess I guess it's a little bit of a um, ma'am, I'm fine.

SPEAKER_03 13:46

Okay.

SPEAKER_00 13:46

I guess it's a little bit of a um, a little bit of both. Okay. Because I guess you can say it's an excuse because I'm not really trying to get to the root of the problem. I'm just kind of saying that let's just dead it and just uh agree to disagree. Okay. That's what I would say. Because I gotta show my work. Um apology or excuse. I was just venting.

SPEAKER_01 14:11

So the context works, yeah.

SPEAKER_02 14:15

Um if I had to just say on a broader spectrum, I'm gonna say excuse. Okay. Right. I'm gonna say excuse, and this is the reason why I'm gonna say excuse, is because if it affected your partner in a negative way or anybody that you're having a conversation with, it's not an excuse to just say, Well, I was just venting. Because you still need to have like boundaries and respect. Like there should still be respect there. So when I hear something like, oh, I was just venting, in my brain, this is my brain. I don't think everybody's brain is like this. For me, that indicates that either someone was offended or someone's feelings were hurt. Uh-huh. And then when they've expressed that to you, you say, Well, I was just venting.

SPEAKER_00 14:55

The immediate example that came in my head when I read this was when you had pissed me off.

SPEAKER_02 15:01

I always pissed you off.

SPEAKER_00 15:02

And I was like, that's why your ass fell in the shower.

SPEAKER_02 15:05

No, you you said, I hope you fall in the shower.

SPEAKER_00 15:08

Oh yeah.

SPEAKER_02 15:08

Yeah, yeah. Before I got in the shower, you're like, I hope you fall in the shower.

SPEAKER_00 15:11

And that was strictly because I was mad. I know. And I and I was mad at you for like a week. And I you was. And I I knew in my heart of heart I didn't really mean that. I was just lashing out. But that was before I was that was before therapy and me being easy.

SPEAKER_02 15:24

Okay. Bye.

SPEAKER_00 15:25

You know, that was like that was like 2013.

SPEAKER_02 15:28

I don't I like ignored his ass for a whole week. That was like not you wishing harm upon me. You wished harm upon me. You wish my downfall in the form of slipping and falling in the shower. Now, what if you would have got your your wish and I slipped and fell and like died or something?

SPEAKER_00 15:44

It wouldn't have been the first time you fell on our wouldn't it?

Car Trouble, Tow Trucks, And Patience

SPEAKER_02 15:46

I know, but what if I would have seriously injured myself or something? That was funny. That was not funny. It wasn't actually.

SPEAKER_00 15:51

I came, I said, baby, you okay? And you're like, yeah, I'm fine. And then I heard you like grimace a little bit, and I walked out and I laugh. I said, Look, she okay, I can laugh.

SPEAKER_02 15:57

Wow. I wish I would have known that. I wouldn't have gone through with it. You? Um Wow, crazy.

SPEAKER_00 16:02

You playing the whole day. I just showed up.

SPEAKER_02 16:04

Um uh let's see. I was stressed, so I snapped. Is that an apology?

SPEAKER_00 16:10

That's excuse or the excuse. That's an excuse. Because I was stressed, is the excuse. Okay. I don't, it doesn't really matter whether you're stressed or whatever it is, you have as an adult, you have to learn how to control your emotions.

SPEAKER_02 16:19

Right. You have to regulate.

SPEAKER_00 16:20

As a man, I know I can't go out there and just swing everybody to piss me off. Right. I have to control my anger. Right. So you have to control your stress. Right. You can't act out. That's an excuse.

SPEAKER_02 16:29

Yeah. Like, like going out and like cheating and being like, I was stressed, so I snapped.

SPEAKER_00 16:33

Hold on, wait, wait now. I didn't say nothing about cheating. Wait a minute.

SPEAKER_02 16:37

But when you said that, that's what I thought in my head. Like he was probably like, I was stressed, so I snapped. And she was there.

SPEAKER_00 16:46

She was, and it was open. Okay. Okay. And then you always gotta take it. I was about to die.

SPEAKER_02 16:52

And now I'm thinking about the book that I'm reading.

SPEAKER_00 16:54

Right. Hot mess.

SPEAKER_02 16:55

Hot.

SPEAKER_00 16:56

We're not gonna talk about it.

SPEAKER_02 16:57

Okay, I'm gonna have to make a separate post about it because y'all gotta, y'all gotta hear this too.

SPEAKER_00 17:03

Um apology or excuse. I was just speaking my truth.

SPEAKER_02 17:08

Oh, sometimes that can be an excuse. Okay, yeah.

SPEAKER_00 17:11

Okay, fair examples on both.

SPEAKER_02 17:13

Yeah, because again, like the the boundary and the respect. You can't you some people like to use those types of phrases as an umbrella to say some shit that they know is gonna be disrespectful or to say some shit that's gonna intentionally hurt somebody's feelings. Okay, now and then you use it under the umbrella of uh what was it? I was just uh speaking my truth. I was just speaking my truth. Who I am. Okay, you and that one.

SPEAKER_00 17:39

Who I am in a person.

SPEAKER_02 17:40

That one. No, no, that means absolutely nothing to me. Who you are as a person is is a shitty person, then get from around me.

SPEAKER_00 17:48

Who you are as a person is negative is negatively impacting relationships you care about, you need to look at yourself as a person.

SPEAKER_02 17:53

And if you are if you're the common denominator in every relationship that don't work out, it's a chopper. Because like there's some people who are like that, that where they feel like they can't get along with anybody, they feel like they don't vibe with nobody, they feel like nobody understands them, like they're just a lone wolf in this entire world. You mean to tell me all 50 people you done came into contact with, you can't get along with one person, but you're the common denominator.

SPEAKER_00 18:20

1.5 billion. That's crazy.

SPEAKER_02 18:23

Can't find one. That's a loss. That's suspicious. You ain't gonna get that is suspend that's suspicious. That's suspicious. Um my favorite one.

SPEAKER_00 18:39

Okay, here we go.

SPEAKER_02 18:40

That's just how I communicate.

SPEAKER_00 18:42

That's an excuse. That's an excuse.

SPEAKER_02 18:45

That's just how I communicate.

SPEAKER_00 18:46

That's an excuse. That that that's a cop out. No, okay, not knowing how to do better doesn't limit your capacity of doing better. But you're trying, but you have to want to do better. But saying that's just how I communicate, that's just you, or I I have no interest. Either either you don't care enough to try, or you have no interest in trying. You're too self-centered. You're too self-focused, you're selfish.

SPEAKER_03 19:12

Yep.

SPEAKER_00 19:12

And you don't really care about how you're impacting those around you. That's all that's all. That's what I when I hear that shit, that's what I that's what I hear. And I and I also hear you know what I say when they say that to me, all right, playing.

SPEAKER_02 19:22

Right. I also hear that's a you problem and you can deal with that. Not a me problem. There's nothing wrong with me.

SPEAKER_00 19:28

Well, I say that all the time in the gym. Yeah, that's a you problem. In the gym, I feel like.

Setting Up The Topic: Apology Or Excuse

SPEAKER_02 19:31

And like, and here's the thing. I feel like that that could be like two-way, that could be like a two-way thing, you know, like um if if if you are just kind of like set in your ways, or there is a way that you go about life, and somebody doesn't like it, that that is you not liking me is your problem. That is a you problem. You not liking me is a you problem. Okay. Okay. Okay. I'm done. Uh, go ahead. I'm done. I'm not doing this with you. Go ahead. Go ahead.

SPEAKER_00 20:06

Okay, how about this? Apology or excuse. I'm sorry you felt disrespected.

SPEAKER_02 20:14

That's that's an excuse. Because that's not taking accountability.

SPEAKER_00 20:17

Oh, so when I talk about accountability, that's not taking accountability.

“I’m Sorry You Feel That Way” Examined

SPEAKER_02 20:22

You're you're you're you're just saying, like, okay, well, I mean, it is what it is. Sorry, sorry you felt disrespected. But, you know, and we're we're gonna speak in terms of like in a relationship because we're in a relationship. Um, when you say something like that, that's excuse me. Excuse me, that's basically disregarding me explaining to you how your action made me feel or negatively impacted me, right? And like we said before, even if you don't see a fault in that, even if you think you didn't, you weren't disrespectful or that you didn't cross a boundary, it's not going to kill you or hurt you to try to see the other person's perspective and how they could have interpreted it as that. That's it. And then trying to make further adjustments to better communicate to your partner so that you don't come to the same roadblock of them constantly feeling like your communication is crap. Like that's not to say that you have to change everything about you, but it's kind of like it's kind of like at work, right? You know how you're supposed to talk when you you know like the boundaries and how you speak when you're speaking to your boss. But then you also know how you speak when you're talking to your coworkers, and then you know how you speak when you're talking to your favorite coworker. That's a different version of you every single time, and you adapt according to the person that you're talking to. But when it comes to the person that you're intimate with, that's the one person where you feel like you don't have to change. Can't switch it up. You can't co switch with you cooking now. You can't co switch with women. Like, what's that? What's that video clip? Um, I don't remember, but apparently it was like one of those old school videos, and she was talking about how um Um, her husband, he goes to work every day and you laugh in your your boss's face and you nice to him, but you come home and you treat me like crap. She was like, Treat me like you treat him, lie to me, be nice to me. Talk to me the way you talk. And I do. Shut up. But yeah, so that that's an excuse because no one's asking for you to change everything about yourself. Right. But allow your partner the same level of respect that you allow when you talk to your boss, when you talk to your coworker, when you talk to your boys. Figure out how you can better communicate with your partner, like how you communicate with your boys or whatever, to get your point across or to have a mutually beneficial conversation.

SPEAKER_00 22:41

And I always say this you cannot expect to be understood when you don't seek understanding. Why he trying to preach today?

SPEAKER_02 22:54

Come on, Pastor. You know what I'm saying?

SPEAKER_00 22:56

You over here trying to be understood, but you can't understand nobody else. Yeah. Because you don't, you know, like they need to. A lot of times, especially in relationships, y'all saying the same shit different in just a different way. But you so caught up in your own mess, in your own vision.

SPEAKER_02 23:11

I'm so over you right now.

SPEAKER_00 23:14

You don't, you, you, you, you're not opening yourself up to understand what's being said, but what's being said, but you want to be understood.

SPEAKER_02 23:19

Right.

SPEAKER_00 23:20

What's good for the goose is good for the game. Okay. You hear me now? Uh okay. You hear me? Um not all birds fly. Some walk, some run. Dumbell. Some can't fly, some swim.

SPEAKER_02 23:33

You know what I'm saying? Dumbell.

SPEAKER_00 23:35

Hey now.

unknown 23:36

Oh.

SPEAKER_00 23:37

Go ahead and open your Bible.

SPEAKER_02 23:38

No, just go ahead and open your Bible. Okay, here's one. Um, I'm sorry, but you do the same thing.

SPEAKER_00 23:48

That's an excuse.

SPEAKER_02 23:49

Yes. Lack of accountability again.

SPEAKER_00 23:52

That's going back to what I I just said. What's good for the goose is good for the gander. And and just be if doing something and just because they do it is just to spite them doesn't justify their actions.

SPEAKER_02 24:06

Yeah.

SPEAKER_00 24:06

So you again, you got two people who're not trying to really be understood. Not not, you got two people who are who are trying who are not trying to understand, but they want to be understood. Yeah. That that's an excuse. That's a pop out.

SPEAKER_02 24:16

Yeah. You'll never get anywhere. And it it's kind of like the whole thing.

SPEAKER_00 24:19

You never're anywhere in relationship going tip for tat.

SPEAKER_02 24:22

Right. And that's kind of goes to um like the whole saying of being the bigger person. Neither person wants to be the bigger person.

SPEAKER_00 24:28

Right.

SPEAKER_02 24:28

Because the other person who decides to be the bigger person also is gonna be feeling like they're the fool.

SPEAKER_00 24:33

But I feel like it only gets to that point when that when one person is constantly being the bigger person.

SPEAKER_01 24:38

Yeah.

SPEAKER_00 24:39

Sometimes you gotta be like Shannon, like Shannon said, I ain't gonna be the biggest person all the time. Sometimes I'm gonna turn around and put these hands on you.

SPEAKER_01 24:47

Okay.

SPEAKER_00 24:48

Okay. Apology or excuse. I apologize. What else do you want from me?

SPEAKER_02 24:58

I've apologized. What else do you want from me? I want you to be sincere about it. And I want you to understand. So I'm gonna say excuse. Okay, now because the way that comes off to me is something was done. All right. And you just said, okay, I apologize. I'm sorry. Because you're saying it to get through it. Yeah, just to get past it. Not to look at what caused it in the first place so that we don't end up here again. Because if there's anything that I know from experience of being in a marriage and being in relations with the same person for over two decades, is if you if oh gosh, if you just go about the whole I apologize just to get through it, you're gonna continuously run into the exact same roadblock until you make a decision on, okay, let's let me figure out why we keep running into the same roadblock so I can stop just saying I apologize to get through it. Because eventually, when you keep running into the same roadblock, the apologies don't mean anything.

unknown 25:58

Right.

SPEAKER_02 25:58

They don't mean anything. I mean, they stop meaning things because I know that we're gonna be right back here again. Because neither one of us has done the work to figure out why we keep going in circles and ending up right here where I'm either apologizing or you're apologizing, and it's for the same damn subject.

SPEAKER_00 26:16

The whole the phrase I apologize well, she won't for me. You ain't doing number paying, but playing limbo with accountability. Yeah. You dodging it. Yeah, you dodging it any way you can. You on all fours. Oh. You crawl under the bar. Oh, crazy. However, however, you need to get under the bar. That's why you do it.

SPEAKER_01 26:34

That's what they're doing. Crawling under the bar. This is crazy. Okay.

SPEAKER_02 26:44

Oh, you still. Okay. I wouldn't have reacted that way if you hadn't said what you said. Is that an apology or an excuse?

SPEAKER_00 26:52

That's an excuse. It's a valid one.

SPEAKER_02 26:57

It's an excuse, but it's a valid one.

SPEAKER_00 27:00

Because here's the thing. That's I think that's one of those ones where contacts is needed. Because as my wife, I'm gonna keep it personal. You know the words to say to trigger me.

SPEAKER_02 27:11

Right.

SPEAKER_00 27:12

So you can trigger me into a reaction.

SPEAKER_02 27:14

And the tone.

SPEAKER_00 27:15

Right. So you can trigger. So if if if something was said that purposely triggered.

SPEAKER_02 27:20

But how do you know if it was on purpose?

SPEAKER_00 27:22

Okay, that's why I said the contacts me out of love.

SPEAKER_02 27:24

Yeah.

SPEAKER_00 27:25

Stop doing your lips like that. Okay.

SPEAKER_02 27:28

Uh go, your turn.

SPEAKER_00 27:30

Is it I thought it's me?

SPEAKER_02 27:31

Yeah. Is it me? Is it me?

SPEAKER_01 27:33

It's me, my audio.

SPEAKER_00 27:34

This is similar to what the last one just asked you, but I'm gonna ask anyway. Apology or excuse. I've already apologized. I'm not apologizing again.

SPEAKER_02 27:44

Okay. Now I feel like that could go either way. Oh, okay. It could go either way. Um, because if someone was sincere in their apology, right? And has tried to dig deeper, um, has tried to rectify a situation, right? And has done due diligence in said apology. All right now, right? And it still is not enough.

SPEAKER_00 28:11

Okay.

“I Was Just Venting” And Respect

SPEAKER_02 28:13

Then you could be like, look, I've apologized, I've, I don't know, gone to counseling, I've done the things you've asked me to do, I've tried to give you space, I've, you know, I've done all the things under the umbrella of my apology. I ain't got nothing else playing, Pam. What you what you got for me? What else you want me to do?

SPEAKER_00 28:32

Probably change your ways.

SPEAKER_02 28:33

Yeah. Probably just change said things.

SPEAKER_00 28:39

Because that seemed to be the last step taken.

SPEAKER_02 28:41

Right, right. So, I mean, that's why I say it could go either way, or it could be an excuse. And it's just like, look, I've already actually said the word. I apologize. So, like, what more do you want?

SPEAKER_00 28:52

Let me ask you, this is a side note. Does the word, the word don't mean anything without actions behind it?

SPEAKER_02 28:56

Well, that's most words. That's why they say actions speak louder than words.

SPEAKER_00 29:00

Cash is cash.

SPEAKER_02 29:02

And cash rules everything around me. Get the money.

SPEAKER_00 29:05

Dollar, dollar, billions. We ain't no good.

SPEAKER_02 29:09

So, um, yeah, so I feel like that could go, it could go either way. It could go either way. Um, let's see. This one is is kind of similar, but what do you think? I apologize, but I cannot change the past.

SPEAKER_00 29:25

I feel like that's an apology.

SPEAKER_02 29:26

I feel like that's yeah.

SPEAKER_00 29:27

That's the apology. Because that's that's me saying that, hey, I I've apologized for what's happened. Now going forward, I'm gonna put my best foot forward, but I I but I'm sorry, I can't change that I went out of there and slept with old girl. Oh. See? You wouldn't expect that part. Look, oh yeah, well, you don't know what he that but that's the truth. You can't it's true. I can't undo you can't I can't I can't undo what's been done.

SPEAKER_02 29:52

Yeah, what calls the apology in the first place.

SPEAKER_00 29:57

So I do feel like that is an apology.

SPEAKER_02 29:58

Yeah, I agree. I'm gonna agree with you on that.

SPEAKER_00 30:00

Let's do a couple more. I'm gonna go ahead and go up that mountain, save my marriage. Okay, I'm not going up no mountain.

SPEAKER_02 30:06

I'm gonna call you from the bottom of the mountain. Maybe we can FaceTime to work it out. But I ain't driving up the mountain. I ain't doing it. Sorry. Not when it's uh snowing, right? I ain't doing it.

SPEAKER_00 30:16

Okay, apology or excuse. I was reacting, not thinking.

SPEAKER_02 30:30

That could be an apology. Because that's honest. I can be honest, like to admit that I wasn't thinking. Obviously, you weren't, because if you sat there and acted a damn fool, you weren't thinking.

SPEAKER_00 30:43

Now what's a damn fool?

SPEAKER_02 30:44

So I'm gonna I'm gonna say an apology only because there's recognition of accountability there.

SPEAKER_01 30:49

Okay.

SPEAKER_02 30:50

For me, that's what that sounds like. There's recognition of accountability, and we can work with that. I can work with you acknowledging that you fucked up. Oh. That you, but you you like have a like I have to feel that you have a very keen understanding that you looked and you looked at yourself, you talked to yourself in the car on the ride home.

SPEAKER_01 31:09

On a personal level, and you was like, all right, yeah, yeah, you fucked up.

SPEAKER_02 31:14

I fucked up. Like, you know what I'm saying? And then if I could feel that, and then I could be like, okay, I can work with that. We can we can come back from you sleeping with Tiffany, you know? Why does it gotta be a Tiffany? I don't know. I just said it because that's like a stripper name.

SPEAKER_00 31:27

Um we have a cousin named Tiffany. We do. That's crazy.

SPEAKER_02 31:33

We do. Hey, cousin Tiffany. Um she's not a stripper, by the way. Um we don't know what anybody does, actually.

SPEAKER_00 31:42

No, she about to be a doctor.

SPEAKER_02 31:44

Um, but yeah, so I think that could be an apology. Okay, all right. Yeah. Go ahead. All right, one more. Um, let's see. I shouldn't have said it like that, but my point still stands.

SPEAKER_00 32:00

That's an apology.

SPEAKER_02 32:04

You were gonna say it. That's an apology. That's because that's what he does.

SPEAKER_00 32:09

Sometimes you gotta stand on business.

SPEAKER_02 32:11

Look, you might be right. I shouldn't have said it like that, but it don't change the fact that I'm still standing on my point.

SPEAKER_00 32:16

My tone, the phrasing, the grouping was necessary to let you know how serious I am. Okay, and I'm not trying to be disruptive, I'm just trying to get my point across. I'm sorry.

SPEAKER_01 32:32

Mm-hmm. Mm-hmm. Mm-hmm.

SPEAKER_02 32:36

I'm sorry.

SPEAKER_01 32:37

Huh? Yeah.

SPEAKER_02 32:38

That's because that's your favorite one-liner. All right now. That's your favorite one-liner.

SPEAKER_00 32:42

It is. But again, an apology is not about being right, it's about taking responsibility. It's about taking the responsibility and being accountable for what's happening. Absolutely. Like I always say, accountability is on both sides of the aisle.

SPEAKER_02 32:54

Yes.

Stress, Triggers, And Emotional Regulation

SPEAKER_00 32:55

It takes two to tangle, it takes two to tangle, and rather you caused it, are you a part of it? Are you a part of it, or you just felt the effects of it? You have some accountability in there somewhere.

SPEAKER_02 33:08

Or you just felt the effects of it.

SPEAKER_00 33:10

And sometimes you gotta reach out and touch.

SPEAKER_02 33:12

Okay. Somebody's hand.

SPEAKER_00 33:14

Make the world a better friend. If you can. I told y'all last week I'm quoting black songs off all black history, but y'all think. Y'all have trash.

SPEAKER_02 33:24

I'm gonna play that on the way to take her to practice. Somebody's hands. She's gonna be like, what is this? What's the hell? Girl, look, you getting another, you get another lesson today. Molly girl, you learn. Because my baby knows all the theme songs to the uh the old school shows. Molly girl, baby. Yeah, she, yeah, my baby's gonna be on it. Is she? Yeah, she's gonna be on it. I'm gonna I'm gonna play that one on the way to practice so she can learn that. All right, guys, let's hop right on into the comics of the comments of the week.

SPEAKER_00 33:50

Okay, now look here, guys. Look here. Comments of the week. I'm gonna I'm gonna let y'all know right now. I don't know how many I have. I'ma just I'm gonna just read some. And when the spirit tells me to stop.

SPEAKER_02 34:01

Okay. Bye, Maurice.

SPEAKER_00 34:04

Because Michael told me don't stop till you get enough. Um, this first comment comes from uh read that, babe. Oh what's her name?

SPEAKER_02 34:16

Three thorns, a crowd. Oh, three three horns, a crowd.

SPEAKER_00 34:22

I don't know people. Yeah, you know.

SPEAKER_02 34:24

I think that's what it is.

SPEAKER_00 34:25

I graduated, but they just gave me the paper. Okay.

SPEAKER_02 34:27

Um But and what is this in reference to? Which comment? Which video?

SPEAKER_00 34:31

This is about the comment of this is this is in the reaction. This is a reaction to the the video about this the little sister that they want to go get her niece and nephew from daycare.

SPEAKER_02 34:40

Oh, because she wanted to relax. Right. But then she wanted her sister to uh pay for her engagement party.

SPEAKER_00 34:44

Right. No, to host, to host her engagement party. Right. So she said it's two kinds of folks you don't argue with, children and fools. And she a bit of both. Leave her today.

SPEAKER_02 34:56

Right. Children's children and fools. I like that. There's two types of people you do not argue with children and fools. I like that.

SPEAKER_00 35:04

Actually, I was wrong. That was from the post about uh that wasn't that wasn't the daycare post y'all. I'm sorry. That was the post about um the girlfriend spending the rent money on the joint account.

SPEAKER_02 35:15

Oh, yeah, from the joint account.

SPEAKER_00 35:17

And this the next one comes from the same one about the joint account. You see her picture? This is coming from okay.

SPEAKER_02 35:26

Okay, Nina.

SPEAKER_00 35:28

And she said, why don't you go ahead and read it?

SPEAKER_02 35:29

She said, financially irresponsible. And then her picture is those the AI Marbies with the with the stink faces. Like financially irresponsible.

SPEAKER_00 35:48

Okay. This next one comes from the post about oh boy, he brought Mark that bought, I think it was Jake or Josh. Oh.

SPEAKER_02 35:57

Yeah, he bought his friend on a date, uh, on a blind date with him because he gets nervous going on dates by himself.

SPEAKER_00 36:02

What's her name, baby?

SPEAKER_02 36:03

I'm um Espiritual Jesse.

SPEAKER_00 36:06

Okay. She said they're giving sword fighter energy. Be blessed, squash bucklers, block and deleted.

SPEAKER_02 36:17

People, y'all are unhinged. The sword fighter was.

SPEAKER_00 36:23

That's the one that took me out, okay? And this is the last one. This last one ain't coming from a reaction video. This last one is coming from the post, um, one of the posts where my wife has asked a question, and you know, and I was making, I was doing what I do, saying stupid shit and making references to her ass. Because I make a reference to her ass every every chance I get. I talk about I'll talk about that ass.

SPEAKER_02 36:49

Every day.

SPEAKER_00 36:50

Every five minutes. Anybody who knows us know that I talk about that ass.

SPEAKER_02 36:52

Yes. And um Teresa said she said, your wife is sick of you.

SPEAKER_00 37:02

And she not. Because she signed up for life. Okay. Okay. Okay. Okay, Teresa.

SPEAKER_02 37:08

Okay, okay, Teresa.

SPEAKER_00 37:10

For life.

SPEAKER_02 37:10

Bye, Marissa. Okay, Teresa.

SPEAKER_00 37:12

Okay. So she looked. So she's gonna be here.

SPEAKER_02 37:15

For life.

SPEAKER_00 37:16

To death.

“Speaking My Truth” Vs Weaponized Honesty

SPEAKER_02 37:18

Do us a part. A parte. A parte. All right, let's hop right on to our two cents. Our two pants. Okay, so this comes from um one of our booskies. Booskies. And she titled it, Am I Allowed to Cheat on My Husband?

SPEAKER_00 37:33

Probably not, but let's get to it. I probably not.

SPEAKER_02 37:35

But yeah, let's let's hop on, let's hop right on into that one. Okay, she said, My husband and I are both 38 years old, and we've been married for eight years and have always had intimacy issues due to him having erectile dysfunction.

SPEAKER_00 37:48

Oh, damn.

SPEAKER_02 37:48

We tried pills, toys, therapy, all to help the problem, but with no success. Uh, trying to have sex has become a frustrating nuance for him, which makes him not want to do it at all. In 2025, we only tried twice.

SPEAKER_03 38:05

Damn.

SPEAKER_02 38:06

Both times were initiated by me, both ending with him upset and me in tears. Our backstory is we met online in October of 2016, got engaged in February of 2017, and were married by September of 2017. During the courting, he didn't try to be intimate because he said he wanted our first night to be special. I had a three-month rule before intimacy at the time that would scare most men away. So I was shocked when he was the first to suggest that we wait until we were married. I thought he was being such a gentleman, and he felt like um, he felt like the light I needed in the very dark time of my life. He's a good provider. My family and friends adore him, but without the physical connection, I spiral in my head on it if the love is real. Recently, I have truly considered having an affair, but I'm worried about the repercussions. Am I the asshole for wanting to cheat on my husband?

SPEAKER_00 39:03

I'm gonna say no.

SPEAKER_01 39:05

Okay.

SPEAKER_00 39:06

You're not okay. Look here. Let me tell you why I say no. Okay. You're not an asshole for wanting to.

SPEAKER_01 39:10

Right.

SPEAKER_00 39:11

You I don't do it. Right. I I do think there needs to be understanding. And I'm also saying I feel like we set you up.

SPEAKER_02 39:17

Okay, so that's what I was waiting for. That's what I was that's what I was like, okay, let me let you finish your thought because I have a very big thought about this.

SPEAKER_01 39:24

Okay, let me let me let me let you go. Okay, okay.

SPEAKER_02 39:27

Go ahead. Okay.

SPEAKER_01 39:28

Cook them.

SPEAKER_02 39:29

I would, first of all, I would have a conversation with him and ask, did you know that this was a medical issue prior to you proposing to me and getting married? Because they they got married in the same year that they also got engaged.

SPEAKER_00 39:42

And then But why we waste the time? He ain't no ain't no ain't no straight men I know gonna go a whole year.

SPEAKER_02 39:47

Okay, but listen, you don't know because, like she said, she thought he was being a gentleman. All right. I don't think most people going into a marriage would just be like, oh, okay, like there, he probably has a medical condition which stops him or prevents him from having sex. Okay. So from that point, if I knew that you knew you had an issue in that area of life prior to us getting married, and you did not disclose that, uh disclose that to me, then I kind of feel like you you but you bamboozled me. You you basically you lied with omission to get me on the hook. I agree. Right? I agree. You kind of lied to me on the with omission to get me on the hook. So if we have gone through every single channel to be intimate and to have this portion of our life together, okay, we've gone through everything. She said they have tried everything, they've done the counseling, the therapy, the toys, the pills, everything. If we have gone through it all, okay now, and this aspect of our life is not not working for either of us, first I would ask him, what would you suggest? Because I want to hear what he has to say.

SPEAKER_00 41:02

What if he I would suggest that she be a little uh uh by herself the way he, because he in deep depression, because he can't get it out.

SPEAKER_02 41:10

Okay. That's not an option though.

SPEAKER_00 41:14

I never said that word.

SPEAKER_02 41:15

Listen, I think this is very serious, honestly. I do. I think this is a very serious issue, and it's a very difficult issue to be in because on one hand, it's like everything else it seems about him is is great. Like she said, he's a great provider. Her family loves them. I'm sure she loves him. He probably treats her like a queen. Like because he understands that that aspect of their relationship is not strong, he probably treats her like Yeah.

SPEAKER_00 41:40

Oh, he's oh, he's amazing to her.

SPEAKER_02 41:42

He's amazing to her. He makes sure she got everything else. Right. And so that that would play tough on my conscience too, because it's like it's just this one aspect.

SPEAKER_00 41:49

But look here. All she gotta do is call Jermaine.

SPEAKER_02 41:55

Bye, Maurice. He's talking about the damn character from the book that I'm reading. Get get out of here. Get out of here. You're so silly.

SPEAKER_00 42:05

No, but in all, okay, in all honesty, being not honesty, in all seriousness, this this is something you're gonna have to talk discuss thoroughly with him. And I understand it's gonna it's uncomfortable. Um I'm I guarantee you he don't want to hear it. Yeah. But you have needs that he cannot meet. Now, if on the flip side of this, if it was if it was the other way around, the man would make every, or if she's not meeting this. And as a man, as a man, you know, we need look here. Uh-huh. Sometimes them toys ain't gonna do it. They can only do it for so long. How long have they been married?

SPEAKER_02 42:40

Uh they're both 38. They got married in 2000. Yeah.

SPEAKER_00 42:44

She'd have been to three rows already.

SPEAKER_02 42:45

Yeah.

SPEAKER_00 42:46

Okay, bye, Boris. She needs something else. Yeah.

SPEAKER_02 42:49

I mean, but isn't there, okay. I don't know. I don't know much about um ED. I don't. Um. But isn't there things like implants? I don't know. I don't I don't have these issues. I don't know the research. I know, but I'm saying I think I've seen stuff like that. Like I'm sure because the I've seen the commercials. I see the commercials.

SPEAKER_00 43:08

Where are you watching this at? The commercials. Okay. There's like tons of commercials on it. I don't know. Maybe there's some um experimental medicine that would have to be a good idea. Okay, here's my is it my is it the is it a blood flow issue? I don't know. Here's my advice. I don't know.

SPEAKER_02 43:22

This is my advice, okay? If I were in this situation, I feel like for me, I would need more information if you don't already have that information. She probably has the information and she probably just didn't write it in here. But for me, I would ask the question, um, like, did you was this the issue prior to us getting married and you were aware that this was an issue? That's the first question you need answered, okay? Um, and then the second is um if you are if you if we both have a very keen understanding that this aspect of our life isn't something that we're gonna be able to come together on, um, what is your suggestion?

SPEAKER_00 43:57

He don't have a suggestion. No, either you can't bear the thought. Okay, I know.

SPEAKER_02 44:00

But I'm a suggestion. I know, but the conversation is a difficult question. I understand. And he's the one living with it. So I'm sure it's difficult for him. But I need, I need us both to be very mature adults right now. And I need you to tell me what you think the next course of action should be because I'm telling you what I'm thinking. And because I love you so much, I'm going to sit here and have a really difficult conversation with you. Yeah. Because I have been considering the thought of possibly going to find it elsewhere. But I also don't want to do a disservice to you because I don't I also don't want to deal with the guilt of having to deal with, you know, me being a cheater when we both understand that I had we can have a situation. Right, right. You know, and it's like maybe there, maybe there is something where, you know, she gets like she has a friend or something for that. Like, I don't know. But what I'm saying is, is for me personally, that's the way I would approach it. And then we can like, if we need to go to counseling so that we both can work through that mentally, if we choose to stay together, then let's do that. If you feel like that's something mentally that you can't handle and work through, and I feel like this aspect of my life is that important, and I can't go through the rest of my life, knowing that this aspect of my life is something that I can't enjoy, then we're gonna need to go and we're gonna have to explore like other options that we that work for both of us.

SPEAKER_00 45:23

Okay. And then this is I'm not even put playing. This is a serious note. Are you sure he's not gay? I'm just being honest. Are we sure he's not gay? I don't think he's gay. Because, you know, we have a cousin that is okay. Yeah, and he said that he just he couldn't do it.

SPEAKER_02 45:40

Okay, no, I don't think I I think she I feel like she probably would have known the difference. All right, she probably could have known the difference.

SPEAKER_00 45:46

I wish you the best, man.

SPEAKER_02 45:48

Um, but yeah, so that's that's my that's my opinion. That's what how that's how I would go about it, if that helps. I hope that helps. Um, let's see. This is another uh boosky, um, emotionally detached wife. Okay. Am I an asshole? I'm giving you a condensed version of my story because a full in-depth letter would leave your jaws on the floor, angry and shaking your head. Okay. We were together three years and three months, married for a year and a half. This is my first marriage and his third. During that time, after begging me to take time off, I took a full year away from my career. I temporarily relocated seven hours away with my daughters from everything familiar to renovate Andrew's home.

SPEAKER_03 46:33

Okay.

SPEAKER_02 46:34

About 95% of the work was done by me. I also launched Andrew's family trucking business. I showed up fully and being a devoted wife when he was on the road working. Um, what I did not expect was to be disrespected in return and effortlessly by Andrew and his children. Whenever things did not go Andrew's way, I was repeatedly told to get the fuck out of his house and to take my name off his house and his businesses. That was how conflict was handled. I was also disrespected by Andrew's adult sons, 22 and 30, the youngest and the eldest of seven. We do not have any in common. The 30-year-old went as far as wanting to fight me, saying he would have his mother fuck me up. I stood at the sink and told him that these hands and feet are bisexual.

SPEAKER_00 47:26

All right now.

Accountability, Code-Switching, And Repair

SPEAKER_02 47:27

And male or female can get it. By then I was fed up at the disrespect from Andrew and them. I told him to please call his mother and I will pay her a round-trip flight here. And after I beat her ass, she is welcome to sleep it off in one of the spare rooms and I will drop her back off at the airport.

SPEAKER_00 47:45

I like the energy.

SPEAKER_02 47:46

He walked away and up the stairs talking smack. I am no fighter, but that definitely drew out the Bronx in me for a quick moment and to let him know that I am no punk. I'm tired of the mental and emotional abuse and strongly feel the children are only mimicking the father's behavior. Well, I am now emotionally absent and withdrawn from the marriage. I have no interest in continuing a marriage where I have to keep my protective barriers up just to survive. Emotionally beaten and felt like my husband verbally punching bag, met with only cruelty instead of love and care. My feelings were minimized, dismissed, and treated like an inconvenience. There was no protection and no accountability. I'm accused of cheating because once a month I visit the Bronx to get groceries that are less costly and to attend appointments for myself and my daughters. Never cheated and not even thought about it. He went as far as to say, I have a house in Virginia because I go to handle my business. There was also the trucking company and the accident at the fault of his brother-in-law, almost sending someone into an early grave. I mean, real bad. Though I launched the business, it was his sister and I name the all the business. Yeah. But when the accident occurred, I was left to handle everything. Insurance company, private investor, endless emails and questions. I was abandoned by my business partner as her husband was the driver. I was done. And I told them to not ask for my help. I washed my hands because even when I was disrespected, and Andrew blamed me for the accident, I was done as he never hesitated to tell me that the business was his and his family's. What hurt deeply was how my own career in social services, work rooted in purpose and helping people, was talked down on as if it were small and insignificant. Wanting a career that fulfills me should not make me selfish. When I told him my resentment was denied, his response was, okay, now you can focus on the business. And I was fuming. I am now trying to find a way back to myself. I am learning that love should not require silence and self-assurance or emotional endurance. I'm not leaving because I stopped loving Andrew. I'm leaving because I'm losing myself trying to stay. Am I the asshole?

SPEAKER_00 50:04

Man, fuck Andrew. Fuck Andrew, fuck Andrew's sons. Anyone who threatened violence on a woman as a man, you a bitch.

SPEAKER_01 50:12

Oh. I'ma agree.

SPEAKER_00 50:13

And I'll throw hands with you any day. I'ma agree. You just a bitch. I'ma agree. Just come on.

SPEAKER_02 50:18

Cause you wouldn't try that shit with another man.

SPEAKER_00 50:20

You can't you can't beat the nigga down the street but show you a button on a woman. Yeah, you wouldn't try to do that. You would not try that with another man. Ma'am, uh, run away from this family.

SPEAKER_02 50:28

And run fast.

SPEAKER_00 50:29

I don't know how many examples you need of disrespect. Yeah. Um, run away, runaway, runaway love.

SPEAKER_02 50:37

I was about to say, wasn't that a song? Runaway love. I told you.

SPEAKER_00 50:42

I told you. Runaway. I told you all black history when I'm doing black songs. Yeah. If I can throw it in.

SPEAKER_02 50:47

Andrew, Andrew can kick rocks. He can eat dirt.

SPEAKER_00 50:50

Yeah.

SPEAKER_02 50:50

Ooh, not the dirt. Yeah, he can kick rocks and eat dirt. And no, you don't deserve it. Andrew used you, girl.

SPEAKER_00 50:58

Yeah. Molly girl. Molly girl. Yeah. Yeah.

SPEAKER_02 51:03

Andrew used you for his benefit, and people will treat you the way they treat you because you allow them to.

SPEAKER_00 51:10

And anytime somebody asks you to put something in their name, it's suspicious.

SPEAKER_02 51:13

That's that's suspicious. That's a that's suspicious. You can't use my name for that. No, right. Because now all all I'm married and we don't even use my name.

SPEAKER_00 51:23

Right. That's crazy work.

SPEAKER_02 51:25

You can't use my name for nothing.

SPEAKER_00 51:28

She's the escape plan.

SPEAKER_02 51:29

No, I don't even think I've ever had a phone bill of my name.

SPEAKER_00 51:32

You don't?

SPEAKER_02 51:32

I literally, not even joking.

SPEAKER_00 51:35

No, no, legit. You're taking care of me.

SPEAKER_02 51:36

Yeah, legit. I've never even had a phone bill of my name.

SPEAKER_00 51:39

And that's why I tell people all the time I'm a good one.

SPEAKER_02 51:41

No, no, bye.

SPEAKER_00 51:41

Because you're taking care of me 100%. Bye.

SPEAKER_02 51:44

I'm leaving here with a clean slate. No, who your who's your phone carrier? The one who services it.

SPEAKER_00 51:50

See? This is what I tell you about.

SPEAKER_02 51:51

The one who services it. I don't concern myself with your business. Um that's not my business. Um now if it gets turned off, I'm gonna have some questions. I'm gonna need to talk to the Pro Max. Okay. I'm gonna need to talk to Pro Max. All right, well, let's do one more. Um, let's see. Boyfriend and I selling home because I found out about his wife.

SPEAKER_00 52:16

Oh, wait, wait a minute. Okay.

SPEAKER_02 52:18

Crazy work. Okay, okay. Um, I'm a 34-year-old female and I bought a home three years ago with my boyfriend, who's 38. We lived there with my son, our combined four dogs and a cat, until six months ago, everything changed. Four dogs and a cat? That's crazy. He works out of town during the summer, and I noticed some of the stories he was telling me about his trips weren't adding up. Um, I started to get a gut feeling and confronted him where he just called me insecure and jealous. Gaslight city population, me. Uh I tried shaking it off, and then I saw his ex, who he told me he had no contact with, commenting on his profile picture. I went to bed that night and I was feeling pretty low and unsure about how to shake the feeling. That night in my dreams, a certain box in our storage room full of 35 boxes and totes came to me. How convenient. I woke up the next morning and looked through those boxes. It was full of honeymoon pictures, wedding night pictures, etc. I didn't mention this earlier, but this man told me our entire relationship that he had never been married. This time I didn't even trust him to tell me the truth. I went straight to a background check to get it myself. I found out that this man wasn't just married in the past, but that he is still currently married. I own a house with him, and in my state, she has a legal right to half of my home. I was appalled.

SPEAKER_00 53:42

Oh shit.

SPEAKER_02 53:43

I confronted him about the pictures, and he was only focused on me invading his privacy. He said the marriage was fake and only to appease his religious family. I said no words and showed him the background check, and he made fun of me being in middle school and being jealous.

SPEAKER_01 54:02

Okay.

Valid vs Hollow Apologies

SPEAKER_02 54:02

All right. This happened five months ago, and I have spent my life savings on legal fees to finally get him to agree to a buyout and leave me and my son alone to heal and live in peace. I get to keep the house and some of my pride, knowing that he cannot lie to me ever again. This was long-winded, but a small example of his lies in the past. He got caught snapchatting a stripper and told me it was his cousin. He showed my Border photos to his co-workers and made fun of me for being fat.

SPEAKER_01 54:29

Damn.

SPEAKER_02 54:30

Um, he told me that he can talk to anyone he wants because I text my ex, which is my son's father. He has a ring and a safe that he only pulled out when we were fighting to show me that I could have I could if I wanted uh to stop being so unhappy and insecure. So basically saying you could have the ring if you stopped being so unhappy and insecure. Um, I write this to you from a hotel bed while I wait for my loan to close in 20 days, that he can be legally removed from the home I I had hoped to spend with him forever. Has anyone been through this? Were you able to love again?

SPEAKER_00 55:06

I have not been through this, and um I wouldn't be able to love again either. Uh this is crazy.

SPEAKER_02 55:12

I'm cutting everybody off. Y'all all getting the raw version of me after that.

SPEAKER_00 55:15

Okay. Couple questions.

unknown 55:18

Okay.

SPEAKER_00 55:19

What religion?

SPEAKER_02 55:21

Right. That put that. Yeah, yeah.

SPEAKER_00 55:23

And number two, he's in love with a stripper.

SPEAKER_02 55:26

Okay.

SPEAKER_01 55:26

I'm in love with a stripper. She ran a shit.

SPEAKER_00 55:29

Okay. Um yeah. I mean, he he it's he he gaslit you the whole time. The whole the to me, the whole relationship's a shame. Uh it's a sham. Sham. The whole thing.

SPEAKER_02 55:39

Because he was still married the whole time.

SPEAKER_00 55:42

Molly girl.

SPEAKER_02 55:43

Molly girl, you in danger. You are in danger, Molly girl.

SPEAKER_00 55:48

I don't know what to say.

SPEAKER_02 55:50

But I'm I'm happy, I'm happy that um she took care of it the correct way.

SPEAKER_00 55:55

The ancestors came to her in that dream.

SPEAKER_02 55:56

Yeah. They said look through box 14. Right. File number 92. No, but I'm happy that she handled it the right way, the legal way, to get him out of the house. Yeah. And, you know.

SPEAKER_00 56:08

Because it should have been in the legal justice system in the criminal justice system. Shut up. There are bow offenders.

SPEAKER_02 56:16

Okay.

SPEAKER_00 56:17

Somebody would knock on my door. We need to talk about so and so. I don't know who that is.

SPEAKER_02 56:20

I do feel for you. No, I haven't been through anything similar, but I will say that you handled it perfectly. Like I can't, I don't even have any advice because you did everything that you were supposed to do. You handled it the legal way so that there- So, right, you right. You stayed calm, cool, collected. You went about it the right way. You went about it the legal way to make sure that your property was protected, to make sure you and your children were stable. You didn't have to expose them to any foolishness.

SPEAKER_00 56:45

And I'm not you did it. I'm not sure what state she's in, but I will look up the state laws because the fact that he showed your pictures to his co-workers and made fun of you.

SPEAKER_02 56:53

That could be uh that could be a crime. Yeah, that could be.

SPEAKER_00 56:56

And I, you know, I'm of the belief that all assholes should be behind jail.

SPEAKER_02 57:00

Yeah. But see, that's why I won't take new photos. That's why I don't do new photos and stuff. You he always be asking for pictures, and I'm like, I don't know. Like, you say you're gonna love me forever, but I don't know. I don't know. You might get I might get on your nerves that one last time, and you just hate me forever. And then those pictures that I made for you, now they're all on the interweb because you're trying to call me out. We see it way too many times.

SPEAKER_00 57:21

I mean, she's he don't take them, but I got them.

SPEAKER_02 57:23

Um I'm a pass. He always be like, Why don't you send me no sexy photos? Uh, because the internet exists? That's crazy, sir. I'm not gonna send any sexy photos. The internet exists.

SPEAKER_00 57:33

Y'all DM me enough money, I'll send them to you.

SPEAKER_02 57:34

Okay, goodbye.

SPEAKER_00 57:36

So y'all can see this ass.

SPEAKER_02 57:37

Goodbye. Goodbye. The internet exists. If you want to, it's not that hard to go see some ass and titties on the internet.

SPEAKER_00 57:43

Now it is.

SPEAKER_02 57:44

You can't, yeah. You can't see these, you can't see this. You can't get this ass and titty. But you, I mean, you can find it. But I mean, if they send me enough money, I'm alright. Shut up. Look, now how many zeros y'all talking? All right now. Now is it just you want you want one titty, two titties? I mean, I can do the pair for the right price. No. Little titty never hurt? No, it's not gonna happen. It's not gonna happen.

SPEAKER_00 58:08

Not like we never didn't have some strings for Liberty Change.

SPEAKER_02 58:10

Oh, with you, yeah.

SPEAKER_00 58:12

Yeah, girl. The price is too high.

SPEAKER_02 58:16

Whatever the price, the price was too high. I'm like, what do you think I am? A street walker? I am not a common shoe walker. No, I'm like a house pet.

SPEAKER_00 58:26

This has been another episode of the Life Outdoor Podcast. We appreciate y'all for rocking with us. I don't know what she's talking about. But as always, nowadays, we appreciate the support. You can follow us everywhere at Life Outto Do Podcast on YouTube, Facebook, Instagram, TikTok. Um, you can email us at lifeafterdo podcast at gmo.com. Um, we love hearing from you guys.

SPEAKER_02 58:48

And don't forget, if you're not already following us on Instagram, follow us on Instagram because we will have an announcement soon on Instagram for you guys. Um, everyone is always asking us about ways that they can support the pod or like if there's any merch or anything like that. So we are working on all of those things for you guys. We appreciate the love. Um, we appreciate it all.

SPEAKER_00 59:08

You know, we we we have a busy schedule with it with the child. So she does. There's a lot, you know. Yeah, but we love we love y'all. We love you. Tell a friend to tell a friend to tell grandma because the grandma know.

SPEAKER_01 59:19

Everybody knows, everybody know. And until next time, peace mooskies, peace moose.