Then vs Now: Relationship Edition

Sometimes the biggest shift in a relationship is not losing love, it is realizing love has to grow up with the life you built. Between parenting fatigue, bills, emotional needs, family drama, and trying to keep intimacy alive when the house never feels quiet, marriage starts asking different questions than it did in the beginning.

In this episode of Life After I Do, Nesha G and Moelethal sit down for a “then versus now” conversation that gets funny, honest, petty, and surprisingly tender. They compare who was more romantic, who sacrificed more, who communicates better, who forgives faster, and how parenting changes the way couples experience affection, rest, and connection.

Then the episode moves into Our 2 Cents, where the real-life dilemmas involving affair babies, grandparents stuck between loyalty and access, sister-in-law drama, protecting children from family favoritism, a teenager exploring identity, and a relationship ending over emotional boundaries with a coworker. Nesha and Moe bring the kind of seasoned, lived-in perspective that only comes from two people who have loved each other through different versions of themselves.

Transcript

Cold Open: Getting Tired of the BS

SPEAKER_04 0:00

Yeah, I feel like now, I mean, we've talked about this before. I feel like the older that I am getting, the more I'm really just, I don't want to say losing a filter. I will say that I'm just getting really comfortable with letting people know how I feel.

SPEAKER_00 0:16

You get that ain't shit.

Welcome Back to Life After I Do

SPEAKER_04 0:43

Sit back, relax, hang out with us for the next 40, 45 minutes.

SPEAKER_02 0:48

Hey, party on down to the mo Reese Beat. Just kidding. Hey, hey. My sweater smells good. You got that fabioso?

SPEAKER_04 0:57

I don't, but the fabioso? But my sweater smells good and it's it's warm and it's cozy.

SPEAKER_02 1:02

Hey Booskies! Hi. How are you? How you doing? You look good. Oh, excuse me. Thank you. You may not feel good.

SPEAKER_04 1:09

I feel fine right now. I mean, I would really like a really nice big bowl of pasta.

SPEAKER_02 1:14

But let me guess, let me guess, let me guess. You want strip off Fredo and a filet mignon medium rare.

SPEAKER_04 1:23

Oh my goodness.

SPEAKER_02 1:24

That's what you want.

SPEAKER_04 1:25

The life.

SPEAKER_02 1:26

That's what you want.

SPEAKER_04 1:28

Now I can make one or two, but I feel like I'm gonna have to go pick up the other ones.

SPEAKER_02 1:34

Some locked.

SPEAKER_04 1:35

Woo! Who could I go to to get a good steak?

SPEAKER_02 1:39

Who can I, Ron? You want some good meat. You're looking at them.

SPEAKER_04 1:42

I know, but you're not gonna make me no steak right now this late in the day.

SPEAKER_02 1:46

Bye. Why would I make you a steak right now? It's gonna take all than 20 minutes to make a steak.

SPEAKER_04 1:50

If I get one, will you make me one after this?

SPEAKER_02 1:53

Well, send it for me. Okay, never mind.

SPEAKER_04 1:57

Hey Booski! Hi. You look good. Thank you. How was your week? How are you doing? My week was good. Um, everything was good. We are in the last week of school. Oh, thank God. For Jesus. That baby noticed she's supposed to be out of school soon. And you know, you remember, you remember how it used to be when you were younger, and it's like your brain just gives up. Your brain knows that a summer break is coming, and just like all of a sudden it gives up on everything. And that's how she's been. She was like, I just don't understand why I can't be out of school already.

SPEAKER_02 2:26

And you know that last week you ain't doing shit.

SPEAKER_04 2:28

And that's what she got out of the car this morning and she was like, Mom, we're having fun the rest of the week. And then yesterday she asked me, she was like, Can I just stay home for the week? We're not doing anything. And I said, So you can have them choosy people at my front door? Absolutely not.

SPEAKER_02 2:41

But they're already on us for five days.

SPEAKER_04 2:43

I was like, absolutely not. I said, Phoenix, do you know that we can get in trouble with you not being in school? And she was like, Really? I said, Yeah. I mean, like, you know, if if I really wanted you out, I could just take you out. But I was like, I don't feel like getting them letters and stuff about you missing a whole week of school.

SPEAKER_02 2:57

I said, out of the 200 something days they've been in school, she missed five.

SPEAKER_04 3:01

And they could come send them to the we took her out half a year.

SPEAKER_02 3:06

She had a threat for tourists for five days.

SPEAKER_04 3:09

For the year.

SPEAKER_02 3:10

And then we're gonna go back to back.

SPEAKER_04 3:12

And three of them were doctors' appointments. Relax. I wrote it on the thing. I said, if you don't sit your ass down. But um, yeah, so the week is good. I'm just trying to prepare myself mentally for um my child to be home for the summer. She has given me what her game plan is for the week of her only request this summer is um snacks and swimming. That's what she said. Snacks and swimming, um, with a little bit of other fun stuff sprinkled in there. So, like you saw me the other night, I was like um trying to take down all the stuff that they have for the kids this summer. So I think I'm gonna really take her to that uh she likes Gabby Dollhouse. They're having this Gabby Dollhouse like immersion type thing in LA that I came across. And the tickets are only like 40 bucks. So I was like, maybe we can like take a day or do a weekend or something. Um, so we got that going, and then just like whatever else she wants to do. I know she wants to go to museums because we love museums as a family in general.

SPEAKER_02 4:13

We do we do old niggas.

SPEAKER_04 4:14

Uh yeah, we we love museums. And um then I also made her a promise about taking her to Barnes and Nobles.

SPEAKER_02 4:22

Barnays and Nobles.

SPEAKER_04 4:23

Uh-huh. So I said every time you get 100% on your spelling test for the summer, you get a trip to Barnes and Nobles. So she's like really stoked about that. And then um, we're gonna take her to go get her own set of crochet needles so that she could do her crocheting this summer. So, you know, I'm just preparing myself to spend time with my baby girl before she starts fourth grade. And we were talking preparing myself. Uh purring, papurring. I'm just papurring. We were talking last night, actually, and she's like, Mom, I was like, Yeah, she's like, I'm a little nervous. I'm a little scared about fourth grade. Why? And you know what she said? She said, because I heard fourth grade teachers are strict.

SPEAKER_02 5:03

Good.

SPEAKER_04 5:03

And I said, Well, the older you get, typically your teachers might become a little bit more stricter. Good. And she goes, I heard that they that uh they only give you like one or two warnings. I said, so y'all do be playing. Yeah, they know exactly what they be doing. I heard the fourth grade teachers they only give you one or two warnings, and then what happens? I said, Well, Phoenix, you get disciplined. I was like, but you are not gonna have to worry about that because you're gonna sit in class and do what you need to do, right?

SPEAKER_02 5:35

We're gonna pray that she do.

SPEAKER_04 5:36

She looked at me like, yeah, I'm gonna see. I'ma see. I'm gonna see.

SPEAKER_02 5:41

Mama say mama saw my mock.

SPEAKER_04 5:42

Right. How was your week?

SPEAKER_02 5:44

You know, oh Lord are awesome. Um, my week was good, you know. Uh, I'm just dealing with a little knee pain, but I'm gonna get through it. Overall, my week was great. My daughter has been giving me life. She's hilarious. She's hilarious, really is hilarious. Hilarious. Um, and it's just it's it's been good. You know, uh, you know, things are coming to some things are coming to an end, some things are starting anew, and I'm just walking into this journey uh hopeful.

SPEAKER_04 6:17

Everything's gonna be fine, it's gonna work itself out.

SPEAKER_02 6:20

That's how I'm gonna look at it. And uh apparently I'm you know, me and Charlie are best friends now because she talks to me.

SPEAKER_04 6:28

Charlie is our daughter's teammate. And now that she's getting older, I was talking to her mom today too, and she was like, Girl, it's the sass for me. Like she said, I remember when she used to just be quiet. I was like, Nope, not anymore.

SPEAKER_02 6:43

I said, Oh, I said, Dang, Charlie, you ain't never said more than hi to me.

SPEAKER_04 6:47

And now y'all have a whole no conversation.

SPEAKER_02 6:49

My friendship done, upgraded.

SPEAKER_04 6:50

I said, La Jules, watch out. She's and she's got opinions now, you didn't know?

SPEAKER_02 6:54

Yeah, oh, she told me about myself.

SPEAKER_04 6:55

These girls have opinions now.

SPEAKER_02 6:57

She told me about myself.

SPEAKER_04 6:58

The older they get, they got opinions.

SPEAKER_02 7:00

Yeah, so it's just you know, I'm just I'm just blessed. Yep, just blessed, and I'm happy. I'm appreciative of all the new followers.

SPEAKER_04 7:07

Yeah, shout out to the new Booskies.

Shout Out to the New Booskies

SPEAKER_04 7:10

Shout out to the new Booskies, especially on YouTube.

SPEAKER_02 7:14

Every time my phone pinged, I said, Jesus.

SPEAKER_04 7:19

Welcome to the fold. Yeah, we do appreciate all the new followers. Thanks for all the engagement. You guys are hilarious, hilarious, hilarious, hilarious.

SPEAKER_02 7:29

Um, let me let me tell you something real quick. Don't think, you know, here's the thing. Here's what I'm starting to notice. I'm starting to know that some of y'all be trying to comment shit just to be on comment of the week.

SPEAKER_03 7:41

Bye.

SPEAKER_02 7:42

And a couple people almost got me today.

SPEAKER_04 7:45

A couple of people?

SPEAKER_02 7:46

One got me. He made it. But a couple almost got me. And I said, you know what?

SPEAKER_04 7:51

I run, I like it. I can't wait to hear it.

SPEAKER_02 7:53

I like because the petty committee is in full effect. Oh, we in full effect.

SPEAKER_04 7:57

Petty committee works coming soon.

SPEAKER_02 7:59

We in full effect.

SPEAKER_04 8:02

Petty committee in full effect? Full effect.

SPEAKER_02 8:04

I can't. Somebody asked, how can I join? That's all you gotta do is be petty. Be petty.

SPEAKER_04 8:08

Be petty. Hit the subscribe button. Hit the follow button.

SPEAKER_02 8:12

Just know on the petty committee, we petty to everybody.

SPEAKER_04 8:15

So don't be trying to get your feelings hurt. Even to our ourselves. Don't be trying to get your feelings hurt.

SPEAKER_02 8:21

If you got if you ain't got thick skin, don't be on the petty committee because we might turn at any moment them pistols at each other. So just know that it may be a chance for them words. I can't. I done took many shots. Mostly from the ladies. But I don't took many shots.

SPEAKER_04 8:42

Those ones are hilarious, though. That's cool though. It's hilarious. You know what's funny? I think it's funny is um when you're scrolling on social media and you see people making comments about people that you know they don't know. It's like, oh my gosh, like, why would you say something like that or whatever? But then when it's about you, I'd be laughing. Right? You laugh, but then it's but for me, I'm always like, you really thought you, you really think you have some. You thought you was cooking. Or you like, you really think that you know me. Like you think, you think the one 20-second, 30-second clip that you just got, you just got the whole thing mapped out. Thank you. Thank you. It's um, let me say it. It's what am I wearing today? It's Root For Me lip liner by Mac. Uh Frau Lipstick Mac. It's an oldie but goody. I don't even know if they carry it anymore. And it's um a lip glass from the Aaliyah collection, also back, which is not around anymore.

SPEAKER_02 9:40

I don't care what it is. It's about to be off. Huh. Because I'm gonna go to work.

SPEAKER_04 9:43

Okay. It's it's gonna be off because I'm finna eat some shrimp pasta and steak. Let's get this over because I got that steak. Will you cook it?

SPEAKER_02 9:51

Okay, what we got today?

SPEAKER_04 9:52

No, but for real, because I need to know that when I go pick her up, if I gotta stop and get a steak or depending on what time.

SPEAKER_02 9:58

No, I gotta I got work to do. Oh, gotta go. I got you tomorrow, though. I gotta go pay some.

SPEAKER_04 10:02

No, I'm gonna still eat the steak today. Oh, wow. I'm not gonna wait for something.

SPEAKER_02 10:08

You ain't got time.

SPEAKER_04 10:09

You don't have to cook it.

SPEAKER_02 10:10

But I got time.

SPEAKER_04 10:11

But I can go find somebody who can cook it. You know, we've been together. Black people! We've been together 23 years. Okay, we've been married a little over a decade. We've been together longer than 23 years.

Twenty-Three Years Together

SPEAKER_02 10:27

Um, we've been together longer than 23 years.

SPEAKER_04 10:29

We've been together 23 years.

SPEAKER_02 10:30

23 and a half.

unknown 10:31

Okay.

SPEAKER_02 10:31

Actually, 23 and three fourths. I count every day because the Lord needs to know how long I've been serving this term.

SPEAKER_04 10:39

Okay.

SPEAKER_02 10:39

Goodbye. Count every day. Um, I've been I've been in the trenches serving this term to my fullest of capabilities.

SPEAKER_04 10:48

Which is crazy because you're the one who wanted to serve the fact.

SPEAKER_02 10:52

You know what?

SPEAKER_04 10:52

Remember, like I always say, boys and girls.

SPEAKER_02 10:55

Okay, here's the thing.

SPEAKER_04 10:56

I was asked to be here.

SPEAKER_02 10:57

Here's the thing. You were you was you was asked to be here, but when I saw you, you was like that new shiny thing that just looks so great.

SPEAKER_04 11:06

Wow, now he's saying that I'm old and washed up. That's crazy.

SPEAKER_02 11:10

You're not washed up.

SPEAKER_04 11:12

Really? What you owe says the person who's older than me.

SPEAKER_02 11:17

And we have already established that as men age, I get more some men.

SPEAKER_04 11:23

That rule does not apply to everybody. Okay. Some men. All right, don't do that to yourself. You know, don't do that to yourself. Go ahead. I'm okay. Some men's genes are a little bit more superior than others. We know that. We know that. I'm about to cry. Okay. I'm about to cry. You do you do it to yourself every time?

Then Versus Now Begins

SPEAKER_04 11:41

Anyway. Shut up. Anyway, uh, then versus now. Like how things were before versus how they are now. Do you feel like we've gotten better with time? Do you think we've just like now what's the grading scale on this? I don't know. Well, we're gonna look at a couple of different categories. So, like in the area of romance.

SPEAKER_02 12:00

I didn't tell the people how sad I was that I finished my Dungeon Crawler Crawl book. And now I gotta wave for book nine.

SPEAKER_04 12:06

Well, tell them how sad you were before we start.

SPEAKER_02 12:09

I'm sad. Go ahead. Okay.

SPEAKER_04 12:11

Okay. I I'm not doing this. I'm not doing I'm not doing this. Go ahead. Um Then versus now. So then versus now. So, like in the categories of romance and communication and effort. Um, you know, like, do you feel like we've gotten better with time? Do you think Okay, hold on, let me ask you this.

SPEAKER_02 12:30

Am I grading you and you grading me, or are we grading ourselves?

SPEAKER_04 12:32

We're gonna, we're we're gonna see was it better then or versus now or how things have different.

SPEAKER_02 12:37

This ain't gonna go how you think it is.

SPEAKER_04 12:38

I don't listen, I've already I've already come to terms with the decision that I made. Regardless. You made a really good decision. Regardless if I regret it or not, I made a decision and I made a promise, and I'm not in the habit of breaking promises.

SPEAKER_02 12:54

Okay. So go ahead and read one. Because you're about to make me mad.

SPEAKER_04 12:59

Okay, so then versus now.

SPEAKER_02 13:02

Okay.

Who Was More Romantic Then and Now?

SPEAKER_04 13:04

Who was more romantic? We'll do it like this.

SPEAKER_02 13:09

No, you answer what I answer. We're not gonna do all three.

SPEAKER_04 13:12

Who was more romantic then? Then it was me. You who's romantic now? I say neither.

SPEAKER_02 13:20

We got shit to do.

SPEAKER_04 13:23

I feel like romance, like romance was yesterday when we got to take a nap while cuddling. That was romance.

SPEAKER_03 13:31

No, hold up. That was like set me on fire.

SPEAKER_02 13:35

Wait a minute, we it must have been about only like 20 minutes.

SPEAKER_04 13:38

But it was the best. It was the best. When I tell you, like, we have not been able to just cuddle uninterrupted for like longer than 35 seconds. It's like as soon as we get close, I'm not even over-exaggerating. Like, parents out there with like clingy children will understand. The minute our bodies touch for too long, that child gets like a biological alert, and her mind is like, hey, mom and dad are trying to be together. Right. And then she goes, must stop this. Right now. Right now. And then what does she say when we were like, no, you need to go to your room, close our door? She was like, You guys love your marriage more than me.

SPEAKER_02 14:18

And I do.

SPEAKER_03 14:20

And we were like, okay, and then close the door.

SPEAKER_02 14:23

And I do.

SPEAKER_03 14:24

We were like, okay, you can close the door. I said, close our door, go to your room. And she always talking about, I just want family time. But she only did you just call my baby bitch?

SPEAKER_02 14:35

No, I said, shit your ass down.

SPEAKER_03 14:36

I was like, now listen here. Okay.

SPEAKER_02 14:39

Draw the line. I would never call my sweet angel that work. Now her mother.

SPEAKER_04 14:44

Get out of here. It will never leave your lips.

SPEAKER_02 14:47

Mm-hmm.

SPEAKER_04 14:49

See? Now I told you you did. And then the last time when I said that on here, you're like, I've never thought that about you.

SPEAKER_02 14:55

But no, but not, but not in a bad way. I'm like, uh, other way.

SPEAKER_04 14:58

People like, oh, she's a bad bitch. Bye, Maurice. Okay. Anyways. Um, but yeah, so as far as like romance, I I shouldn't say now, I should just say like recently, because my husband does do very romantic things for me. That's right. She don't appreciate him. But like, you know, my level

Why Sardines Became Romance

SPEAKER_04 15:18

of romance also is a little different, I feel like, than other people. No, tell them what your level is. What? Just like a listening ear is romantic to me. Like, for instance. Okay, now you cap it. Hold on. Okay. Let's, for instance, okay. Prime example, okay? What have I been looking for for the past two days at the grocery store?

SPEAKER_02 15:35

Sardines.

SPEAKER_04 15:36

Sardines. I don't, you know, I can appreciate social media, but when y'all start selling out shit that don't normally get sold out, that's when I get irritated. I've been eating sardines since I was like seven years old, okay? And it's a particular brand of sardines, has never been out of stock the entire time I've ever gone to the grocery store. Sardines is trending right now. I go to Stater Brothers to get my sardines, shelf clear. Drive to another Stater Brothers across the across the city, shelf clear. I call my husband and I'm complaining, complaining. I hang up with my husband. He calls me back and was like, you'll have a 12-pack here by tomorrow. That's romantic to me. That's romantic to me because he knew how upset I was about not having my sardines because I like to have my sardines in my post-workout meal with my kimchi and my rice and my avocado. And my husband was like, you know what? I got you. And I was like, oh my God.

SPEAKER_02 16:27

I was just tired of hearing you talking about the goddamn things.

SPEAKER_04 16:30

Because I was so upset.

SPEAKER_02 16:31

And me and your daughter was like, ugh.

SPEAKER_04 16:33

I know. That's what she said. She was like, Mom, I said, that's crazy break because I literally have you on video eating the sardines and enjoying them.

SPEAKER_02 16:40

That's all Phoenix. That was then? That was all Phoenix. Okay, whatever. Who

Who Made More Sacrifices?

SPEAKER_02 16:43

who made more sacrifices then versus?

SPEAKER_04 16:46

Then versus now? Um, sacrifices? I would say probably both of us because we were really young. I mean, there wasn't too much to sacrifice.

SPEAKER_02 16:54

I disagree.

SPEAKER_04 16:54

I mean, I sacrificed not moving away to stay here.

SPEAKER_02 16:58

I disagree.

SPEAKER_04 16:59

So I I think about how different my life would have been had I actually stuck with the plan of moving away. But you hadn't planned, you hadn't had plans on moving away. No, I did. Okay. You didn't have plans on moving away. I had plans on moving away. And then for some reason I fell in love. Here we go. So I'm gonna say I sacrificed more. You know what I mean?

SPEAKER_02 17:21

I would agree.

SPEAKER_03 17:24

Really? I would agree.

SPEAKER_02 17:26

I feel as if you sacrificed more then and I sacrifice more now.

SPEAKER_04 17:31

I can agree with that.

SPEAKER_02 17:32

And I think that is concurrent with how I feel and how, you know, because I felt I always like I always say, you've been so loyal to me. I have no choice but to be loyal to you. Well, I mean, I have a choice.

SPEAKER_04 17:42

I was gonna say, because now you make me feel like you're doing it out of like charity.

SPEAKER_02 17:47

No, I'm doing it out of out of respect.

SPEAKER_04 17:48

Oh, that too.

SPEAKER_02 17:49

But ain't charity. I mean, I know if you don't want to be here. Oh, well, I know what the ass you got. You can get nothing there. What? You know that ain't saying.

SPEAKER_04 18:14

I was like, what does that have to do with the gym?

SPEAKER_02 18:17

You know what it has to do.

SPEAKER_04 18:18

I don't what does it have to do?

SPEAKER_02 18:19

Go ahead. I ain't gotta explain to you. Um

Who Flirted More?

SPEAKER_02 18:23

all these men, he's spotting you at the gym when I'm not there. They're my friends. Yeah, okay.

SPEAKER_04 18:27

Um whatever. Uh who flirted more? Me. Back then. Me. Yeah.

SPEAKER_02 18:33

And now.

SPEAKER_04 18:34

Yeah.

SPEAKER_02 18:35

I can't get my hands off of you.

SPEAKER_04 18:37

Okay. My my leg is sore. I have squats tomorrow.

SPEAKER_02 18:41

So can't get enough.

Who Started More Arguments?

SPEAKER_02 18:43

Who started arguments more?

SPEAKER_04 18:46

Back then?

SPEAKER_02 18:48

And now.

SPEAKER_04 18:50

Started then? Back then, I feel like we didn't argue a lot back then. I'm trying to think about things that got on our nerves back then.

SPEAKER_02 19:01

How about this thing?

SPEAKER_04 19:02

Bless you. I guess if I had to say, and I would say me. I would say me. And then now.

SPEAKER_02 19:10

You. Okay. Now we got that out the way.

SPEAKER_03 19:15

I'm stuck to the grass wall.

SPEAKER_02 19:19

Oh Lord. I got you, baby. Oh, I'm later in there too. Oh yeah. You're right. You're right.

SPEAKER_03 19:26

Did you want that reminded me? Little girl was on um dear future wifey when she was sucking in her wig. And she was like, oh my god.

SPEAKER_04 19:38

Um,

Who Communicated More Openly?

SPEAKER_04 19:39

okay. Who communicated more openly then?

SPEAKER_02 19:43

You.

SPEAKER_04 19:43

Yep. How about now?

SPEAKER_02 19:45

You.

SPEAKER_04 19:45

Yeah.

SPEAKER_02 19:46

Because I tell you right now, I communicate, but it's encrypted.

SPEAKER_04 19:52

Yeah. I feel like now, I mean, we've talked about this before. I feel like the older that I am getting, the more I'm really just, I don't want to say losing a filter. I will say that I'm just getting really comfortable with letting people know how I feel.

SPEAKER_00 20:08

You get shit.

SPEAKER_04 20:13

Basically, I'm just, I feel, I feel as though that I'm just becoming more comfortable in me, to where I don't have I don't feel the need necessarily to sugarcoat or hold back how I feel about something if I feel deeply about it. You know, or if I feel as though it's gonna affect me in some way. Like I know how to have decorum and I don't need to go off on everybody, you know. But if I feel as though it's something that I need to say that needs to be said, I'm gonna say it. And however it lands, that's how it lands. I will take responsibility, you know, for how I present it, but you know, do with it what you will. Um who texted more or called more back then? Me. You. Who texted more or called now?

SPEAKER_02 21:00

You. And that's crazy because we just said you communicate better.

SPEAKER_04 21:03

I know, but um that's because I like to communicate face to face. I communicate. And we've always we've always talked about that because I don't like being on the phone like that. I communicate more often. Well, yeah, but see, and the thing is when it comes to stuff like that, is you start, you want to talk when you're away. That's when it hits you. Yeah, that's when everything hits you. And then you want to send me a billion texts or you want to talk on the phone. But for me, I need to be face to face so I can look you in your eyes so we can have a heartfelt conversation.

SPEAKER_02 21:31

It's hard for me to talk to you face to face.

SPEAKER_04 21:35

Why?

SPEAKER_02 21:35

Because my other brain gets the word.

SPEAKER_04 21:37

Okay.

Who Initiated Difficult Conversations?

SPEAKER_02 21:39

And then what you talk about don't matter.

SPEAKER_04 21:41

You initiated difficult conversations.

SPEAKER_02 21:46

Because once he once he wakes up and his eye opens, his eye never closes. Once his eye open, it does close. Once his eye opens and he sees you, he's like, let me tell you something. Let me tell you something. Right now. Demel. He a one-track mind.

SPEAKER_04 22:03

Who initiated difficult conversations back then? You. Who does it now?

SPEAKER_02 22:07

Me.

SPEAKER_04 22:08

I'm gonna disagree.

SPEAKER_02 22:09

Let's talk about your listening.

SPEAKER_04 22:13

Really, Demel?

SPEAKER_02 22:14

Talk about you should have done that 220 today.

SPEAKER_04 22:15

Why would I have done 220 today?

SPEAKER_02 22:17

See, that wasn't all difficult conversation. You don't want to talk about it.

SPEAKER_03 22:20

Oh my gosh, that is not a difficult conversation. 220 pounds was not on my uh agenda for bench today.

SPEAKER_02 22:28

I just proved my point. Go ahead. Okay.

SPEAKER_04 22:32

Um, let's

Who Was More Physically Affectionate?

SPEAKER_04 22:33

see. Who was more physically affectionate back then? Me. What about now? Me. I say it's 50-50.

SPEAKER_02 22:40

No, it's not. I can't keep my hands off you. You're just good to be true.

SPEAKER_04 22:46

I be having shit to do.

SPEAKER_02 22:47

I can't keep my hands off you.

SPEAKER_04 22:49

That's not the word.

SPEAKER_02 22:51

But it's like having a touch.

SPEAKER_04 22:52

Okay. Okay. You go ahead.

SPEAKER_02 22:54

You done read for it. I just gonna I said you keep reading.

SPEAKER_04 22:58

It's your world. Because I gotta keep you on track.

SPEAKER_02 23:01

Okay, look here. Just because that one lady commented that one thing. Come on, roll me in. Set me free. Because I'm free and I'm falling.

SPEAKER_01 23:09

Okay.

SPEAKER_04 23:10

Who let the dogs out?

SPEAKER_02 23:13

Well uh there we go. I got you. Who was more thoughtful with gifts or surprises?

Who Gave Better Gifts?

SPEAKER_04 23:20

Thoughtful?

SPEAKER_02 23:20

Yeah.

SPEAKER_04 23:21

You. Because I suck at giving gifts.

SPEAKER_02 23:23

I'm happy you admitted to the people.

SPEAKER_04 23:26

No, gift receiving is a love language for me. But I don't, I don't, I don't like to. I'm just not great at giving gifts. So I'm I'm more of a gift card type of gal. Or um if I know that there's something real specific that you're into, then you know, I do that. But unless, yeah, I just I'm just not good at giving gifts. I mean, I shouldn't say giving. I I can give gifts, I guess just really intimate, thoughtful gifts, I guess you could say. I don't know.

SPEAKER_02 23:54

Who's more forgive uh who's more quicker to forgive? Me. You you laughing right now.

Who Forgave Faster?

SPEAKER_02 24:00

You laughing right now. You you queen hold a grudge.

SPEAKER_04 24:06

Whoo! You know what? No, I don't. I got so much better.

SPEAKER_02 24:09

It's not that you hold a grudge.

SPEAKER_04 24:11

I don't hold a grudge.

SPEAKER_02 24:12

It's that once you're mad, you gotta go through your process before you're not mad no more. Even if you kind of not mad, you still gotta go get you a treat, buy you something, spend some time to yourself before you come back. You probably got over it when you started the car. But since you already in the car, the motion has already been. I might as well go get my treat, buy me something.

SPEAKER_04 24:34

Nothing like a good treat and a new workout bra or a pair of shorts to just, or a book. To just, you know, okay, like what's what Donnie say today when she came, she came out to the car and she couldn't, she knows she couldn't fit her leotard, and she was crying and she was like, Oh my gosh, now we're gonna have to go all the way back home. And I was like, No, I'm gonna like we're gonna go uh see if I can just find you one while we're out. And she was like, Can I watch your phone to cheer myself up?

Who Tried Harder to Impress Their Partner?

SPEAKER_01 25:02

You cannot watch my phone.

SPEAKER_04 25:05

Um, who put in more effort to impress their partner then?

SPEAKER_02 25:10

I did.

SPEAKER_04 25:11

I agree. What about now?

SPEAKER_02 25:14

I mean I'm me. You ain't gotta put no effort in. You exist.

SPEAKER_04 25:18

I do put effort, but I put effort in.

SPEAKER_02 25:20

You exist.

SPEAKER_04 25:21

I put effort in. You were the first person I texted this morning when I hit my 203 on bitch because I was trying to impress you. But apparently, since I didn't do 220, you weren't impressed.

SPEAKER_02 25:32

I'm not impressed with your lifts. I'm impressed with that ass.

SPEAKER_04 25:35

Well, the ass helped me get the lift, so whatever it is. You're the first person I texted.

SPEAKER_02 25:39

Well, I appreciate that.

SPEAKER_04 25:41

And then I proceeded to text everybody else in my don't jump.

SPEAKER_02 25:44

You probably did. You probably did.

SPEAKER_04 25:47

Um, who worked harder to resolve issues then?

SPEAKER_02 25:50

Me.

SPEAKER_04 25:50

How about now?

SPEAKER_02 25:51

Me, me. I'm the glue that keeps this together.

SPEAKER_04 25:54

No, that's because you don't like when I let you fester in your own crap.

SPEAKER_02 26:00

When I tell people that you create it. When I tell people that I I that I when it comes to my wife, I have no pride. I hold no grudges.

SPEAKER_04 26:07

I don't think I'm the type of person that the works on. That's why.

SPEAKER_02 26:10

I have no ego. So I just say, you know, you're right. Let's just, I just want you to be happy. So we ain't, I could be in a happy environment.

SPEAKER_04 26:18

Yeah, but if I don't feel it, you know I can see straight through your bullshit, too. You gonna feel it?

SPEAKER_02 26:22

Nope.

SPEAKER_04 26:22

I can see straight through your BS. You know that. Go ahead.

SPEAKER_02 26:26

It's your turn.

SPEAKER_04 26:27

No, I just I literally just went twice.

SPEAKER_02 26:29

Oh, do it again.

SPEAKER_04 26:30

Oh my gosh.

SPEAKER_02 26:31

I'm just playing. I'm just fan. I'm just playing. I'm fine.

Who Was More Emotional During Arguments?

SPEAKER_02 26:34

Who was more emotional during arguments?

SPEAKER_04 26:37

More emotional?

SPEAKER_02 26:38

You come out then or now? Both. You. I just said the word in my head.

SPEAKER_04 26:43

What'd you just call me a bitch?

SPEAKER_02 26:56

You I don't think so.

SPEAKER_04 26:58

I I know you don't.

SPEAKER_02 26:59

I was I'm not sure. But you are very emotional. I was passionate.

SPEAKER_04 27:03

However, you want to dress it up.

SPEAKER_02 27:05

Because I I loved you so much. It was oh it was it was passionate.

SPEAKER_04 27:08

Then and now.

SPEAKER_02 27:09

It's passion.

unknown 27:10

Okay.

SPEAKER_02 27:10

I don't play about you.

SPEAKER_04 27:12

If that's how you want to say it.

SPEAKER_02 27:13

How God don't play about me? I'll play about you. I'm just saying. I'll burn this motherfucker down. You can call it what you like. I'll burn this motherfucker down. Um

Who Was More Excited to See Each Other?

SPEAKER_02 27:26

who was more excited to see the part, to see to see see each other? Huh? Who's more excited to see each other?

SPEAKER_03 27:32

Then me. Yeah. Now me.

SPEAKER_02 27:36

Okay. I call Cap on that too. Because you'd be like, oh, what time you you before you get home, do this. And then when you get home, do this, this.

SPEAKER_04 27:42

That'll mean I still wouldn't be excited to see you when you walk through the door. Actually, I'm actually I exhale once you come home.

SPEAKER_01 27:50

Oh my god.

SPEAKER_04 27:51

Because I because I worry about you when you're out in the world. And so when you come home, that's when I'm like, okay, he made it home.

SPEAKER_02 27:59

Now I can go spend this money. And now he can do the dishes. See? See? See? That's that shit I'm talking about. Go ahead.

SPEAKER_04 28:07

I'm tired. Been vacuuming all day. Um go ahead. Let's see. Um,

Who Avoids Conflict More?

SPEAKER_04 28:13

who's more likely to avoid any type of conflict?

SPEAKER_02 28:16

Me. And then I don't like look here, people. I agree. As petty as I am, but I don't like conflict. I don't shy away from it. Right. But I don't like it. Because he ain't no punk. It's not my initial response, but if you want the shits, I'm with the shits. And we're gonna be knee deep in the shits. Who's more defensive? Me. Because if I have to be, I'm with the shits. Then and now. And also, you like you be hurting me. What you mean? No. He be hurt me. You be saying stuff to hurt me.

SPEAKER_04 28:48

No, he be see the thing is is that he be saying stuff and then when I when I retort or when I uh retaliate with you know with words.

SPEAKER_02 28:58

You can't even spell retort. Um retort.

SPEAKER_04 29:00

You can't even say it.

unknown 29:02

See?

SPEAKER_04 29:02

Don't you hurt my feelings? Oh my god. Your feelings shouldn't be so easily hurt. Uh we should do those cards like homeboy does.

SPEAKER_01 29:11

What cards?

SPEAKER_04 29:12

Right? The sentence with the words. I can read them. I was gonna do that. Okay. I'ma come up with 10 sentences for you to read, and you come up with 10 sentences for me to read, and then we'll see. We'll see. We'll see who can read them.

SPEAKER_02 29:26

You're not gonna read mine for other reasons. It's gonna

Who Is the Better Partner Now?

SPEAKER_02 29:31

be hilarious.

SPEAKER_04 29:32

Okay. Let's do like two more. Okay, go ahead. Okay. Um, let's see. Who's a better partner than?

SPEAKER_02 29:40

You.

SPEAKER_04 29:41

Who's a better partner now?

SPEAKER_02 29:42

Me.

SPEAKER_04 29:43

I'm not a good partner anymore.

SPEAKER_02 29:44

You didn't say you weren't a good one.

SPEAKER_04 29:45

Oh, just not, I'm just not like I was back then.

SPEAKER_02 29:47

I'm just saying.

SPEAKER_04 29:48

I'm just saying.

SPEAKER_02 29:49

You came here, you was Jordan. You was doing your thing, you had your time. And then Kobe stepped off thing.

SPEAKER_04 29:55

Well, it's because for one, like being your dream girl is a lot of work.

SPEAKER_02 29:59

Okay.

SPEAKER_04 30:00

So um it takes a lot of hard work to maintain to be your dream girl.

SPEAKER_02 30:06

You took a lot of years off.

SPEAKER_04 30:07

It's really fuck you. You took a lot of years off. Okay. I'm not your dream girl anymore.

SPEAKER_02 30:17

You are. You're my dream wife.

SPEAKER_04 30:19

Don't be mad when I go get that steak.

SPEAKER_02 30:21

You're going to get it anyway. I need to find my glasses.

SPEAKER_04 30:25

Go ahead.

SPEAKER_02 30:25

What's one thing you miss about the early days of our relationship?

SPEAKER_04 30:28

The freedom.

What We Miss About the Early Days

SPEAKER_02 30:30

Shit. This class on that one. God damn, you're right.

SPEAKER_04 30:34

The the lack of bills.

SPEAKER_02 30:36

Yes.

SPEAKER_04 30:37

Uh what else? Being able to get up and go out at 10 if I wanted to. Not that I did often, but if I wanted to.

SPEAKER_02 30:44

I had bills. You didn't.

SPEAKER_04 30:46

I did have bills. If you had bills, I had bills. Whether whether I paid attention to them, it's a different story, you know? I just like to do one of those things where I slide, slide it your way.

SPEAKER_01 30:58

All right.

SPEAKER_04 30:58

Show this swing my way. You sure remember that song? You sure look good to me. Now, would you please swing it my way? Hey, show this swing. Okay, people. We're done. Sing it over here. Shout it. Show this.

SPEAKER_02 31:14

Oh. Okay, people, we have a new segment today. Sorry.

SPEAKER_04 31:17

He has a new segment.

SPEAKER_02 31:19

Okay.

SPEAKER_04 31:20

Uh-huh.

SPEAKER_02 31:21

And this one is called Uh-huh.

New Segment: If We Knew Then

SPEAKER_02 31:23

If We Knew Then.

SPEAKER_04 31:24

Uh-huh.

SPEAKER_02 31:26

So each week I'm gonna ask my lovely wife a question. And her, she's supposed to answer it from if she knew before, will she continue on with this lovely journey that we have had together?

SPEAKER_04 31:37

Does it have to be about us? Yeah, we'll see. No, I'm asking. Does it have to be is something pertaining to us? Yes. Okay.

SPEAKER_02 31:44

In particular.

SPEAKER_04 31:45

Okay.

SPEAKER_02 31:45

Okay, so if you if you knew then, right? Here's your question for today.

SPEAKER_04 31:50

Okay.

SPEAKER_02 31:50

What was your biggest misconception?

Nesha’s Biggest Misconception About Moe

SPEAKER_04 31:54

My biggest misconception about you? Hmm. My biggest misconception about you. Oh, wow. I don't know. Maybe you should give me these questions ahead of time.

SPEAKER_01 32:06

Nope.

SPEAKER_04 32:08

Um, my biggest misconception about you. I guess it would be that um of how emotional you can be. I didn't think that you could, I didn't think that you would be as emotional as you are. And not in a bad way, you know, but in a way, in a way in which like you feel things deeply. And with me, you're not afraid to show that. And you've been like that since we were teenagers. So that was something that was a real surprise to me. Like the first time you cried in front of me when you were 16, I wasn't sure how to feel about that. I was like, oh. I knew right away. I know, but I was like, oh, um, but I knew. See, the thing is a 16-year-old boy crying in front of me.

SPEAKER_02 32:56

You do it too much. Here you go. Doing too much damn much.

SPEAKER_03 33:03

Ain't no, okay. What are you talking about?

SPEAKER_04 33:07

There's there's okay, there's two different instances I can remember. One, one, the first one was where you thought I was gonna break up with you. You legit had tears in your eyes. You absolutely cried.

SPEAKER_02 33:18

Having dust in my eye and cried two different things.

SPEAKER_04 33:22

Okay. He had dust in his eye. We did live in the desert.

SPEAKER_02 33:25

Not well, not in the end. And it just so happens to be. Not Nan tear on them off.

SPEAKER_04 33:29

It just so happens he thought that I was breaking up with him. The dust had kicked up and he got teary eyes. His eye got a little watery. Okay, he didn't cry. He didn't cry. That's fine. What's the second time? Uh the second time was when I had told you that I was happy before we were married. Um, was when I had told you I was happy that I didn't marry you. You cried.

SPEAKER_02 33:51

Yeah, I did cry that day. And that day I cried.

SPEAKER_03 33:55

Back then you cried. Thank you.

SPEAKER_02 33:56

That shit hurt. Oh my God. Now I gotta relive it.

SPEAKER_03 34:01

Oh my god.

SPEAKER_02 34:02

I have locked that out. Oh, Jesus.

SPEAKER_03 34:05

Jesus. Are you sweating?

SPEAKER_02 34:07

Lord, I'm gonna have to end this now. Lord.

SPEAKER_03 34:11

Are you crying again?

SPEAKER_02 34:12

No, I'm not. Oh I want to.

SPEAKER_03 34:14

No, don't cry.

SPEAKER_04 34:16

Look, we've been married over 10 years now.

SPEAKER_02 34:18

I don't give a fuck about none of that.

SPEAKER_04 34:20

No, you do because I feel like that was that was a pivotal point in our relationship.

SPEAKER_02 34:25

Okay, whatever.

SPEAKER_04 34:26

And we I feel like that's something we had to go through. And like, even though it hurt me to say that to you, but that's how I was feeling in the moment, and I could see that it had hurt you. I didn't say it with the intention of hurting you, but I said it with the intention of trying to convey to you like how deeply I was feeling about our situation in that moment, and thinking to myself, like, if this is what's being shown to me for our life, I'm not willing to do this. I was young.

SPEAKER_03 34:53

I listen, we we talked all that through. I understand. I wasn't perfect.

SPEAKER_02 34:59

I'm not going down this no more.

SPEAKER_03 35:01

I wasn't perfect.

SPEAKER_02 35:01

I did it to myself. Uh we're not going down this no more.

SPEAKER_04 35:09

So um, but yeah, I guess I would say um, I just, and here's the thing, I don't say you being emotional to say, like, if I knew how emotional you would have been, if I would have like still not been with you or something. Um I did, I just appreciated it, and I was a little taken back to see how in tune with your feelings you were, especially at such a young age. I cared. You cared. But then it also, you were also exactly what I always tell you. You were the opposite of every other young boy that was in my vicinity.

SPEAKER_02 35:46

You were crazy. You were that's crazy. Anyway, I do the most niggerish shit.

SPEAKER_04 35:50

I love my husband anyway, and he knows I love him. We're locked in like this.

SPEAKER_02 35:55

I literally ate uh candy yams with shrimp-fried rice.

SPEAKER_04 36:00

But in all fairness, that's what you asked for. He was like, Can you make he was like, Can you make shrimp-fried rice for dinner? And I was like, Okay, sure. And then he was like, Can you peel the yams? Okay, sure. And he had a bowl of shrimp-fried rice and candy yams. And I was like, I'm happy for you.

SPEAKER_01 36:18

Okay.

SPEAKER_04 36:19

I love that for you. Okay. Yeah.

Comments of the Week Begins

SPEAKER_04 36:22

So let's hop into the comment of the week, people.

SPEAKER_02 36:26

Okay, the comment of the week comes from the post about the fall-in-law always got something to say.

SPEAKER_04 36:33

Oh, about his about his son-in-law being a passenger people.

SPEAKER_02 36:36

I'm missing, I'm missing one here, so sorry.

SPEAKER_04 36:39

Um you should have this all together, Demand.

SPEAKER_02 36:42

Oh, I got him. I got him. That's what he tells me. So they all the comment of the week all comes from the post about the farmer always has something to say to his son-in-law because he uh because his son-in-law always rolled shotgun because he drove for a living and he didn't want to drive when he was home, and he was gone like five days at a time. Whatever, whatever. So, and so he'd always make little comments about him. And boy, let me tell you something now. Y'all delivered, okay? Because uh y'all, y'all, y'all embraced the the petty me and my wife displayed on the on the video, y'all embraced it and kept it going. So, this first comment comes from Queen C90. Okay, she says, May I borrow Maurice for when I have don't have comebacks quick enough. I just want to tag him in real right quick and walk away. Now, look here.

SPEAKER_04 37:32

Not tag him in, it's crazy.

SPEAKER_02 37:33

Now look here. I I have a lot of sisters. Okay. I have learned I had to be quick with it because my sisters are quick with it.

SPEAKER_04 37:43

Um they show no mercy.

SPEAKER_02 37:44

And I appreciate you spelling my name correctly, but my wife's not gonna let me go over without her. Okay, and the next comment comes from Antoinette Martin, uh Martin. Now look here, Antoinette. I don't know how old you are, but that's an old ass name.

SPEAKER_04 37:56

I like it though. I said this my. I wonder do they call you Nette for short?

SPEAKER_02 38:00

They probably did.

SPEAKER_04 38:00

Yeah, because you know, typically they call them Nette for short.

SPEAKER_02 38:03

I love it. And she says, yes, sir, on her tonsils. That's where that's where my balls are. They're not in her purse, they're on her tonsils.

SPEAKER_04 38:15

That's a bit much, Antoinette. That's that's that's a bit much. That is a bit much.

SPEAKER_02 38:26

What? That was funny. Okay, hold on, hold on. The next those two first, those two first ones came from uh Instagram. This comes from YouTube. This is from um how do you say her name?

SPEAKER_04 38:39

Um Shells Shells Shell's 29.

SPEAKER_02 38:42

She said knuckle deep.

SPEAKER_04 38:44

That was crazy.

SPEAKER_02 38:46

And I said, yes, to the bristle.

SPEAKER_04 38:49

Knuckle deep.

SPEAKER_02 38:50

Down to I'm in there to the bristle.

SPEAKER_04 38:53

Knuckle deep.

SPEAKER_02 38:53

Okay. Wild. To the bristle. Okay. Um and okay, look here. This is it. When I saw this the one that they they y'all had already kind of called this gonna be one of them. This one comes from Trust 1914. He says, go ahead and read it, babe.

SPEAKER_04 39:13

He said, activate pettiness. Yep, my balls deep in her purse every night. That's what he would have told his father-in-law. I'm talking about deep in her purse every night. I mean, I feel like it's really bold of you as a father-in-law to try to make fun of your son-in-law when he's literally sleeping with your daughter every night. That's crazy. Because the amount of comebacks that can come back is wild.

SPEAKER_02 39:44

You may be her dad, but she's calling me daddy.

SPEAKER_04 39:46

Okay. And yeah, with that, I'm gonna go ahead and hop on into our two sins. You know what I'm saying? Yeah, I'm gonna hop on into our two. Calling me daddy because, you know, he'll go. Calling me daddy. All right. Am I the asshole? This is from a booski, by the way.

Our 2 Cents Begins

SPEAKER_04 40:00

Am I the asshole for not wanting to meet my soon-to-be, uh, my son's soon-to-be baby

Should Grandma Meet the Other Woman?

SPEAKER_04 40:06

mama? Okay, oh, oh, all right now. I'm a 49-year-old woman and have a son who was married and cheated on his wife, and even got her an apartment five minutes away from his house with his wife.

unknown 40:17

Damn.

SPEAKER_04 40:17

I found out about the affair through my daughter-in-law. She found out he got the apartment and went on vacation with her and her family, the other woman. My daughter-in-law has kicked him out and now living with her and her four kids, and my oldest granddaughter, who was nine. And mind you, my son is still married. Well, this woman is now pregnant, and my son is wanting us to meet her. Even asked me at one point to help him with a baby shower. I want to be a part of my grandbaby's life, but I don't want to meet this woman. I feel like they got pregnant so that she could force us into her life since she knows that she is the other woman. She doesn't want us to be a part of the baby's life unless we meet her while she's pregnant. She is due in August and found out about this affair in November. Am I an asshole for not wanting to meet her? No. No, you're not. You're not an asshole for wanting to meet her.

SPEAKER_02 41:12

Wait a minute. Wait a minute. She's not an asshole at all. No, she's not. I implore you to just meet her.

SPEAKER_04 41:18

Just it because you're gonna want to meet your grandbaby.

SPEAKER_02 41:21

This is about the grandbaby. This ain't got nothing to do with your son and his trifling ass. Yep. Or are this trifling ass woman? This has everything to do with your grandbaby. Regardless of where this baby comes from, you're gonna love that baby. So I would say, just meet her. She said she wanted to meet you. She just said you had to like her.

SPEAKER_04 41:38

I was just gonna say, nobody said you had to like her. Nobody said you had to like really engage with her beyond meeting her, being cordial with her, so that you can have access to your grandbaby and you know, no hard feelings, but you knew my son was married when you started messing with them and you think that this is okay, and you live five minutes away from his wife and their other children.

SPEAKER_02 41:57

And if if if um if if you're concerned is that you don't want to upset his wife, like so. If he if you're concerned is you don't want to lose access to any of your grandchildren, and you're trying to like, you know, choose a side because you don't want the daughter-in-law to feel like I understand because you already have a relationship with the grandchildren that are already there, right? But you're gonna have a daughter-in-law, and the daughter-in-law, but you're gonna want that relationship with the other grandbaby, I assume. So I would just meet her. I don't I see no harm in no foul. The only the only people foul in this situation is is your son. Is your son in that and that hoe? Well, I mean, she knew she she knew he was married, he a hoe. It's gonna be hoe she a hoe and he a hoe, and the hoe's gonna hoe.

SPEAKER_04 42:38

Ho's gonna be hoe, so they couldn't blame Tammy. They couldn't blame.

SPEAKER_02 42:42

I couldn't blame Tammy.

Should the Baby Know the Sister-in-Law?

SPEAKER_04 42:43

Um, am I the asshole for not wanting my future child to have a relationship with my sister-in-law after years of drama? Oh, okay. Let's go. Um you sent me this one.

SPEAKER_02 42:54

This one's from Booskies.

SPEAKER_04 42:56

Um, I'm a 30-year-old female and I'm married to my husband who's 32. He has a child from a previous relationship who was seven, and I'm currently pregnant with our first child together. When we got together years ago, I made an effort to build a relationship with all of his sisters because family matters to me. One sister in particular, my sister-in-law, initially seemed supportive of our relationship and acted like she was happy we ended up together. Over the years, things became tense within the family due to co-parenting conflicts involving my husband's child's mother, baby mama. Sister-in-law became very close with the baby mama and stopped communicating much with my husband and me. Oh Lord. Part of the tension started after I blocked my sister in law and her adult daughter on social media. At the time, I was going through an extremely stressful situation involving conflict with the baby mama and seeing posing interactions constantly tied to the drama that was negatively affecting me mentally and academically. I blocked them mostly for peace, not to. Start a war. Sister-in-law took this very personally and decided I never liked her or her daughter. Things got awkward and distant after that. What pushed things over the edge happened during my mother-in-law's 60th birthday. For context, my husband, brother's wife, and I are often the ones helping care for my mother-in-law after surgeries and handling things when needed. Sister-in-law lives further away and isn't around as much. There had already been tension because sister-in-law felt only mother-in-law's biological children should have input on decisions involving mother-in-law. The day after the birthday party, while I was helping decorate, my sister-in-law confronted me in front of everyone. She came in yelling and demanding to know why I had a problem with her and her daughter. I tried to explain calmly, but she kept raising her voice. I told her if she couldn't talk respectfully, there wasn't much to discuss. And I walked away. I didn't understand. All of this over social media and you don't call to see if we're even alive. After things cooled down, I actually tried to extend an olive branch and invited her to our new home because I wanted my husband to have a relationship with his sister. My husband was the one who wanted to distance unless she apologized. Fast forward to now, our baby shower is coming up. Sister-in-law and her daughter were not invited because my husband didn't want any drama. Other family members are invited, so I assume they know about the pregnancy, but neither has reached out. Here's where I'm conflicted. My fear is favoritism or my child being treated differently because of issues with me. That's a fair assumption. I experienced something similar growing up due to adults having problems with my mom. Okay now. And I never forgot how that felt. At the same time, I wonder if I'm letting hurt feelings cloud my judgment since my child isn't even here yet. Am I the asshole for feeling this way and wanting to keep distance? No.

SPEAKER_02 46:07

No, not at all.

SPEAKER_04 46:08

No, because that's a real thing, just like how you said you experienced. And I'll be damned if I have to go to war over my kid.

SPEAKER_01 46:15

Right.

SPEAKER_04 46:16

Okay? Because I will. And my husband would completely understand. Because what we're not gonna do is have your uh sister acting brand new when this baby gets here and trying to laugh and ha ha and kiki in our face, and then behind closed doors, you know, when she babysits our child treating mistreating our child because she don't like me.

SPEAKER_01 46:35

Yeah.

SPEAKER_04 46:36

Adults do dumb shit like that.

SPEAKER_02 46:38

All the time.

SPEAKER_04 46:39

All the time. They take it out on children. If they don't like, if they don't like that child's mama, by default, they don't like you too. So that's gonna be that's gonna be a hard no. You are not the asshole. Uh-uh, not at all.

SPEAKER_02 46:50

And this coming from uh uh not at all. Coming from someone who has had uh similar or people I I had aunties and uncles that are ununties that didn't like me because they didn't like my mama and they felt like I was being uh I had an advantage they didn't have. Uh yeah, I I yeah, I agree. I know you're not an asshole at all.

SPEAKER_04 47:09

Yeah, we're not gonna do that.

SPEAKER_02 47:11

Yeah.

SPEAKER_04 47:12

Um let's see. I think this is one that you had sent me to.

Mom Worries About Her Son’s Identity

SPEAKER_04 47:18

Oh, okay. Let's see. It says, I don't understand my son and worry he's setting himself up to be teased. Advice. I didn't send you that. No, this one you didn't. Okay. Um, so she just wants some advice. Okay. Um, she's 45, her son is 16, um, and he seems to be having an identity crisis. He struggles to make friends with other boys his age. So his best friend are two girls. Um, one is a lesbian, the other was a lesbian, but is now trans, and they dated shortly. He decided he was gender fluid so he could date her. Then they broke up, and now he's dating his friend that was a lesbian but found him so attractive, but found him so attractive, she decided she's actually pan. He's decided on a new name, gender-neutral name, like Jamie, but not. Um, it's on his Instagram. He wants to celebrate Pride Month by going uh to look for a keychain bag. Okay. I'm not worried he's gay or upset or anything like that. This isn't anti-gay. I'm worried he keeps telling his friends this stuff and he's going to alienate himself and isolate himself. He's also on the spectrum. He says he's a boy and doesn't want to be a girl or dress like a girl or act like one. He doesn't want to date boys and doesn't have any interest in them sexually. He only wants to date girls and adamantly told us he is not gay. So I don't really understand the gender fluid thing, and he couldn't put it into words for us either. I'm nothing but positive and supportive of all his decisions and have never said anything negative. I accept who he is no matter what, um, no matter what or who he is. It is just a teen thing treating sexuality like being goth or a skater or a jock or something like it was in the 90s, switching in and out of clicks, trying to find your place. Advice.

SPEAKER_02 49:08

Don't stress yourself out. That's my advice.

SPEAKER_04 49:10

Just let him go, let him go tell him who he wanna be. Yeah.

SPEAKER_02 49:15

And the only thing you should worry about is whether or not is he safe? Yeah. And is he in harm's way? That's if he's not, let him do his thing. And I understand you probably have added concern because he's on the spectrum.

SPEAKER_01 49:26

Yeah.

SPEAKER_02 49:27

But again, depending on how far your way he may lie, it may not be nothing you can do about it. Just let him be, let him live.

SPEAKER_04 49:34

Let him have his experiences.

SPEAKER_02 49:36

Let him love.

SPEAKER_04 49:37

Yeah. Agreed.

SPEAKER_02 49:38

Let him love.

SPEAKER_04 49:39

Agreed.

SPEAKER_02 49:39

And I think And I don't understand the gender fluid shit. I don't understand it. I understand what fluids are and how they mix together.

SPEAKER_04 49:46

Okay. You could stop it there, sir. You can you can just stop it there, sir. There's no need. Okay. This is the update to um

Update: The Work Wife Birthday Dinner

SPEAKER_04 49:59

Am I the Asshole for uh getting mad at my boyfriend for backing out of my birthday dinner because of his female co-worker.

SPEAKER_02 50:05

She um, this is about the one where he told her he couldn't go to her her birthday dinner because his female co-worker needed him.

SPEAKER_04 50:13

And she needed him. Right. After he planned his girlfriend's birthday for three weeks.

SPEAKER_02 50:18

And she didn't go.

SPEAKER_04 50:19

Yeah. And then her fling her friend group was split.

SPEAKER_02 50:22

This ain't your damn friends. Come on, read that. Read that.

SPEAKER_04 50:25

Okay, update. Let's see. First, this all happened around last weekend, but I'm just starting to post it. I posted because honestly, I thought maybe I was losing my mind a little. The next day after my birthday, we met up because I didn't want to keep arguing over text messages. At first, it was fine. He bought up how embarrassing it was that I made him look bad because apparently he told co-workers that we were fighting. I asked if the coworker knew why we were fighting, and he said yes, which immediately annoyed me because why are we discussing our relationship problems with the person we're fighting about?

SPEAKER_02 50:59

Right.

SPEAKER_04 51:00

I asked him if he understood why I was upset, and he kept saying versions of you're acting like I cheated. And I told him that I never said he cheated. Then I said I felt like there was emotional cheating happening. That just made things worse. That's the update.

SPEAKER_02 51:17

That's the update?

SPEAKER_04 51:18

That's the update. She didn't leave him? She didn't. Oh, nope, there's more. Sorry. Let's see. He got really defensive and asked how supporting your friend is emotional cheating. I said, because from my perspective, this woman was getting boyfriend-level attention while I was literally sitting at home alone on my birthday without my boyfriend. Uh then we got into uh probably our biggest argument in our entire relationship. He kept saying, You wanted me to abandon someone. And I kept saying, You abandoned me. Facts. It basically went in circles. For the next few days, things were weird, not horrible, just weird. Uh, then three days later, we had another argument because I asked something pretty simple. I asked, if she called right now crying, would you leave? He paused, not for long, but long enough. I think that was kind of it for me. We argued again, and I basically told him that I shouldn't have to compete with someone from work for basic relationship priority. He said that I was turning kindness into something ugly. I said, maybe boundaries would have prevented this entire situation. Eventually, he asked, So what? You want to break up? And I said, I think we already did. All right. We just haven't admitted it. Okay. So yeah, we broke up. Thank God. I'm sad about it because almost two years is a long time, but also weirdly relieved because I feel like I spent days trying to convince someone that I should have mattered on my birthday. Anyway, that's the update.

SPEAKER_02 52:46

Congratulations. You learned your colors.

SPEAKER_04 52:49

Yep. But the more I listen to it, the more I listen to it, I'm like, is he is he for real? Is he gaslighting it? If you wanted to break up, just break up. Well, you don't have to go through this whole hoop and hurdle to get me to break up with you. Because the fact that he's like, so what, you want to break up? You could have just broke up with me.

SPEAKER_02 53:08

Here's my thing. The motherfucker paused twice. He did it on purpose. The first pause, you could have you could have attributed that to the moment. The second pause, he was telling your ass. Well, he told your ass with the first pause on the original story. Yeah. But I'm so happy you left him.

SPEAKER_04 53:24

Yeah.

SPEAKER_02 53:25

And two years, two years may seem like a long time, but when you hit 40, you're like, ooh, two years ain't shit.

SPEAKER_04 53:30

Bye, Damel.

SPEAKER_02 53:32

I blinked. I was 38 yesterday.

SPEAKER_04 53:34

Okay.

SPEAKER_02 53:34

Now God.

SPEAKER_04 53:35

I was 17 yesterday.

SPEAKER_02 53:37

With a whole bunch of ass.

SPEAKER_04 53:38

Okay. All right, guys. This has been another episode of the Life After I Do podcast. If you are not doing so already, if you are new here and don't know the spiel, let me give the spill to you. You can follow us at Life After I Do Podcast on all of our social media platforms. That's Instagram, Facebook, YouTube, and the Tickety Talk at Life After I Do Podcast. Thank you to all of the new followers, subscribers. Welcome into the family Booskies. We love to have you here. Thanks for engaging. Be on the lookout for new laid podcast merch. Yeah, yeah, yeah. Um, and don't forget to tell a friend, to tell a friend to tell grandma, because if we tell her, everybody know, then everybody else.

SPEAKER_02 54:21

Everybody know.

SPEAKER_04 54:22

Peace, Booskies.