Love vs. Like: What Really Destroys a Marriage?

You can love somebody deeply and still reach a point where you no longer enjoy being around them. In this episode, Nesha G and Moelethal unpack the uncomfortable possibility that marriages are not always destroyed by a lack of love, but by the slow disappearance of friendship, enjoyment, respect, affection, and genuine “like.”

In this episode, we discuss what it means to remain committed when everyday connection starts fading, why love can carry couples through hardship, and why liking your spouse creates the happiness that makes the relationship worth returning to. Nesha and Moe explore how thoughtful gestures, shared laughter, physical intimacy, emotional security, respect, and feeling pursued can keep long-term love alive.

The conversation also gets personal as they name the habits they tolerate but do not necessarily like about each other, including time management, spending, dinner expectations, household responsibilities, and communication. Then Our 2 Cents tackles personal freedom in marriage, entitled family members, financial boundaries, and who truly deserves to be inside the delivery room.

Transcript

Cold Open: The Fastest Way to End an Argument

SPEAKER_05 0:00

Bite a mouth. That fixed it right there.

SPEAKER_01 0:02

Really? That fixed it right there. I don't even, it's gone. What am I what am I complaining? What are you sad about? What she pissed me off about? And then when I turn around and open my mouth, you'd be like, and there it is.

SPEAKER_04 0:17

There it is. There it is.

SPEAKER_01 0:37

Hey

Welcome Back to Life After I Do

SPEAKER_01 0:38

everybody, and welcome back to your weekly dose of the Life After Action Podcast. I hope everyone's having a stupendous week. Stupendous. So far. So far. Hope everyone is staying cool out there.

SPEAKER_05 0:51

Sound like a Drake song.

SPEAKER_01 0:52

Stupendous.

SPEAKER_05 0:54

Stupendous. So far. You know niggas always in his feelings.

SPEAKER_01 0:57

Okay. Hey Booski. Hi. You look good. Thanks.

SPEAKER_05 1:02

I got something for you later.

SPEAKER_01 1:05

What? Don't look at me like that.

SPEAKER_05 1:08

Really?

SPEAKER_01 1:08

What? Don't look at me like that.

SPEAKER_05 1:10

You got my whole house smelling like sardines.

SPEAKER_01 1:12

It smells fabulous.

SPEAKER_05 1:14

It does not.

SPEAKER_01 1:15

It smells like protein. It smells like satisfaction.

SPEAKER_05 1:20

It smells like it smells like hello, ladies.

SPEAKER_01 1:23

It smells like no, it doesn't. How you doing? You're so ridiculous. How are you doing? I'm fine. How are you?

Nesha Benches 209 Pounds

SPEAKER_01 1:37

I'm doing great. That's great. Cutting myself up. I I love that for you. How was your week? My week was uh, well, my week is good so far. What was the highlight of your week? The highlight of my week was benching 209. Okay, let's talk about it. That was the highlight of my week. Okay. Um I was really excited because so last week, last week I hit 203. Okay. So you won six pounds. For a single, right? And so this week, when I went into my primary day, I was like, okay, we gotta we gotta get to that 203 again because we have to make sure we consistently stay in them twos, you know? So I loaded up 203. It's 203.4 to be exact, but I loaded up 2030, and I hit it for doubles.

SPEAKER_05 2:30

I'm so happy.

SPEAKER_01 2:31

So I was really excited about that. And so if I hit it for doubles, I was like, that clearly means I could probably add a little bit more to the bar. So I loaded up 209.

SPEAKER_05 2:42

Did you did you do the ta-ta slide when you finished?

SPEAKER_01 2:45

No, I did my happy dance and right foot list up. No, I did my happy dance. Um and then for the for people who are like, um, how's it like 203, 209? Because you know, plate math, it's because it's on calibrated plates. Kilograms, yes.

SPEAKER_05 3:00

We're on kilogram plates.

SPEAKER_01 3:01

Kilogram plates.

SPEAKER_05 3:02

Um, but yeah, so I was really you know, it's the metric system. Us us Americans don't learn that.

SPEAKER_01 3:08

Yeah, it's you know, having Americans. Us Americans, yeah. That's what Isaiah said at um Starbucks. He was like, 203, 209. He was like, How are you getting that math? And I said, Oh, it's because the calibrate on KGs. And he was like, Oh, yeah, I don't know how to calculate those. I was like, Google.

SPEAKER_03 3:27

Right.

SPEAKER_01 3:28

I used I used Google, and then my husband sent me a cheat sheet. Um, so yeah, so that was really exciting. That was like the highlight of my week. Um, also, it's summer break. Okay, all right. I was waiting for you to get to my baby because you had to go to the house. It's summer break.

Summer Break and Family Day

SPEAKER_01 3:44

It's summer break. My baby's out of school. She's excited to be out of school. We had a great last day of school. We had a fit a fun family-filled day for the last day of school, and she was like, what did she say? It's the best day ever.

SPEAKER_05 4:00

Even though she put it in my face.

SPEAKER_01 4:03

Anytime she gets to do things like that she wants to, it's like the best day ever. So we had lunch, we went to the arcade, we went and got new books. Oh, dinner. She had lunch.

SPEAKER_03 4:12

Um we skipped that part.

SPEAKER_01 4:14

Um, we went to arcade, we got new books, we just like hung out. She was really. Yeah, she she really had a good time. So we had a good time.

SPEAKER_05 4:23

She told the lady at my like, she like, um, she was like, um, like, do you have like any like mystery thriller books? Because like, I'm in my mystery thriller era right now, which is crazy because she's eight. And I was like, and the lady looked at me, I said, She's trying to be like her mama, but she can't read her mama book, so she's trying to find kid books similar to her mama book. And she was like, Oh, I get it. I said, Yes.

SPEAKER_01 4:47

So just because she's probably wondering, like, why is this eight-year-old asking me for thriller mystery books?

SPEAKER_05 4:52

I said, So that's just the direct us until and so the lady was showing her goosebumps. I was like, Oh, Phoenix, goosebumps was a really good series. She was like, No, what else she got? I said, Well, damn, fuck me, huh? Goosebumps was I loved goosebumps growing up. She said, Fuck, she said she didn't fuck with them.

SPEAKER_01 5:06

She said, Uh, did mom recommend it? Yeah, then I'm not gonna.

SPEAKER_05 5:11

She said that's not on my TDR.

SPEAKER_01 5:12

Yeah, that's gonna be a hard no action.

SPEAKER_05 5:15

She said that is not on my T.

SPEAKER_01 5:17

And then ever since then, she's been in the pool. Oh,

Swimming, Hair Washing, and Parenting

SPEAKER_01 5:21

so she's like, Um, so am I going swimming? Can we go swimming? Can we go swimming again? I was like, girl, you just love getting your hair washed, huh?

SPEAKER_05 5:28

What did I tell you? What I said, it's crazy because I normally cats don't like water.

SPEAKER_01 5:32

Okay. Because she a Leo. Goodbye. Goodbye. Normally cats don't like water. She'd be in that water. That baby loves the water. She knows she likes swimming. I'm not gonna say the water because she acts like she's gonna drown when I do her hair and I spray her hair with water or anything.

SPEAKER_05 5:47

That's because you be doing too much.

SPEAKER_01 5:48

No, or if I wash her hair in the shower.

SPEAKER_05 5:51

Yeah, be the light. You can do it. I can't do it.

SPEAKER_01 5:56

You can do it. You're more than welcome. How is your week? You know, no, I don't know. That's all I'm asking.

SPEAKER_05 6:01

You know, it was a week. But we got through it. Um,

Phoenix Goes Shopping

SPEAKER_05 6:06

the highlight of my week is just my baby's happiness uh this past fright. She was just so happy.

SPEAKER_01 6:11

She really was happy.

SPEAKER_05 6:12

And then when I told her, I said, babe, I'm gonna take you tomorrow. I'm the mall.

SPEAKER_01 6:16

And what she said, she was like, Yeah, because I just want to get like a few things. And I was like, what do you want to get? Um, like maybe we can like find some toys or something. Some makeup. Or some makeup, because I do need some blush. I was like, girl, you're gonna keep trying it. You are not getting any new makeup.

SPEAKER_05 6:32

The way she beelined the for Claire's, like, no, it's the way she grabbed the cart.

SPEAKER_01 6:37

The cart and the little bag, and then she was like, she goes, Mom, I'm just I'm just gonna get a few points.

SPEAKER_05 6:42

Then Claire's like, she's about to drop a bag.

SPEAKER_01 6:46

I said, You was not finna have Claire's give me for 32 damn dollars for some play makeup.

SPEAKER_05 6:52

She said she said, No, she said that I can get two and two or three. Three.

SPEAKER_01 6:59

I said, we can look because what she was doing was like I was telling her, I said, babe, okay, she was like, Can I get stuff? I said, Yes, you can get stuff. I said, But Phoenix, do not just be looking around just for the elephant to just grab stuff because you know you can get something. Because, and I know when she's doing that, because when she's looking around, nothing's really catching her eye. And then she goes to like the most off-the-wall thing, and she's like, Oh, this is cute. She doesn't maybe she just wants to get something, but I know she's gonna ignore it the minute that she gets it. So that's why I'm just like, You got sleepy?

SPEAKER_05 7:33

Yeah, you know, I've been up since three.

SPEAKER_01 7:35

Um, so yeah, so I'd be like, girl, get something that you really like. And that's why I was telling her, we have so many other stores to go to. Maybe you'll see something at other stores. And I said, and if you don't, I said, I promise you, if you don't find anything else, we will double back here and we will get you exactly what you're looking at now. And she was like, Okay. And then sure enough, we went to other stores and she found things that she actually liked.

SPEAKER_05 7:57

But the thing is, what be killing me is every time we tell her you can only get one thing, oh, it's life or death. She gotta, she gotta really want it.

SPEAKER_01 8:05

She'd be like, Yeah, because you know what she's been at, she'd been asking for nidos, right? We walked into that toy store, they they were right there at the register, nidos, a whole box full of needos. I was like, Oh, they have the nidos. You want to get one? She looks at it, she picks it up, she goes, I'll wait till my birthday. I said, but every day after practice, you'd be like, Did you find me a nido? Right, every day. Did you find me a nido? I said, but now all of a sudden you'll just wait till your birthday? That's crazy work.

SPEAKER_05 8:32

Crazy work.

SPEAKER_01 8:33

That's crazy. But yeah, um, how else was your week? Well, you know, it was good, you know. Nothing to report, nothing to report, you know. Okay, can we talk about really quick? Um,

The Bungee Jumping Tragedy

SPEAKER_01 8:45

did you see the video of the girl who went bungee jumping?

SPEAKER_05 8:52

And and she wasn't attached to it. And she wasn't attached to the job. Lord Jesus. Oh my lord. I didn't watch the video.

SPEAKER_01 8:58

Oh.

SPEAKER_05 8:59

I didn't watch the video. I read it and I was like, this is crazy. Well, the crazy part was, the crazy part was the once they realized what happened, they all tried to run.

SPEAKER_01 9:10

Oh, did they? I didn't see that part.

SPEAKER_05 9:12

They they caught two in the forest.

SPEAKER_01 9:14

Really?

SPEAKER_05 9:14

Yes, they tried to run kind of.

SPEAKER_01 9:16

Oh, I didn't know that part. I thought, because I I mean, to my understanding, I didn't like really read and look into the story all that much. Just like surface level things. But it was uh a young lady, uh, apparently she was about 21 years old. I'm assuming that she was on vacation and she um was gonna go bungee jumping, and it was like off of a cliff. And um it thought it was like off a bridge. Like a bridge or something, yeah. And it was a 40, like a 40-meter drop.

SPEAKER_05 9:43

Which is about 80 feet people.

SPEAKER_01 9:45

Okay, because I I was that's what I was gonna say next. I don't know what the meters is. Um American hair. Um, so she they got her all set up, but apparently the cord, like the the one that the bungee wasn't connected to her. So they're holding her up in the air because I guess this is like how they do it, you know, to create the thrill of it. And there's somebody recording, and they have her up in the air. One person's holding her at the top, one person's holding her at the bottom. She's got her selfie stick in her hand, you know, because this is gonna be a memorable moment. And they tossed her over, and then the video that I saw, the person that's recording um pans down with the camera, and you can see like the cord that's still there, and the cord's not moving. And I and I can't understand what they're saying because they're speaking another language, but it's it sounds like he's saying something to the effect of like, like she's not attached, like the cord's not attached. And then he walks over to kind of like the edge of the cliff, and then they blurt out that section, and then you just hear all the commotion like afterwards. And when I tell you, like, I had saw the video, it came on my newsfeed, and at first I thought it was like AI or was it real, and then I saw that it was um, it was um on a what is it like CNBC or something like that, a verified account. And I was like, oh my goodness. And then I got on social media and I Googled it, and I was like, oh no, this is real. And my heart just like dropped to my stomach because I have never heard of anything like that ever happening. And I was like, I just felt You've never heard.

SPEAKER_05 11:14

I'm pretty sure.

SPEAKER_01 11:15

I'm sure, yeah, I'm sure it's happening.

SPEAKER_05 11:17

This is why I tell you all the time you can jump off the plane, you can jump off the bridge, off the bridge. I will, I'll be right there championing you. Because I showed my ass is not doing it.

SPEAKER_01 11:27

I showed um a girl that I met at the pool when Phoenix was swimming, a girl that I met at the pool, and I was showing her the video, and she was and her her um her child's father was there too, and he was like, Yeah, that's why I have no interest in doing stuff like that. And I said, That's crazy because I was just talking to my husband about how I want to skydive. And she was like, You've never heard the stories of like people's parachutes not opening, or she said, or they open, but then they don't like expand because apparently you have to pack the parachute a certain way for it to unravel properly. And she was like, and it won't unravel. And I was like, now why'd you say that? So, but yeah, but rest in peace to that young lady, and my heart goes out to her family. Prayers to her family. She was like 21. 21. 21. It was just it when I was looking at the video, like to see her like excited and she had her selfie stick in her hand. I was like, she was probably, she was waiting for like to look at her video and to like, you know what I mean? Like all the she was probably excited and everything. And when I saw that, I said, Oh my lord, my my heart just dropped into the bit of my stomach. I was like, I can't, I can't. Yeah. So prayers go out to her family. Um, but

What Destroys Marriage More: Love or Like?

SPEAKER_01 12:40

yeah, so today we're gonna just kind of hop right on into things. So I was texting back and forth with my brother-in-law, shouts out to Charles Bryant and the Bryant family.

SPEAKER_05 12:51

Well, not my brother's whole government.

SPEAKER_01 12:53

What? Okay, shouts out to CJ.

unknown 12:57

Too late now.

SPEAKER_01 13:00

Too late. Shout out to CJ, my bill, my bill. Um, but we were texting and stuff this morning, and he had asked us an interesting question, and he was like, um what matters? What kills what kills marriages more? Is it the lack of love or the lack of likes? Now, initially, initially, when he sent that, I thought he was like making a funny, like likes, like social media likes. That's what I thought he was trying to say. And I was like, ha ha, laughing. And he was like, Why are you laughing? It's a serious question. And I was like, Oh, okay. And then he sent me the video, and I was like, Oh, okay, that's like a really interesting perspective.

SPEAKER_05 13:37

So you're talking to another man online.

SPEAKER_01 13:39

Online? What do you mean? I wasn't talking to another man online.

SPEAKER_05 13:43

He sent you the videos. I mean y'all are on social media.

SPEAKER_01 13:45

Okay, Maurice, goodbye. Goodbye, Damil. I'm not doing this with you today. Um I'm really not. I'm not gonna do this with you today. Um not gonna do it. But essentially, like, I'm gonna play the clip for you. But it was um, I I believe he's a pastor, I'm not sure, but it's a clip that was on social media, and it was uh making references into what destroys marriages more, and it's not the lack of love, it's the lack of likes. So I thought that would be really interesting for us to kind of like see where your head is with that today. Okay.

SPEAKER_05 14:20

I'm gonna tell you, I'm gonna tell you where my ears at. You may not like it.

SPEAKER_01 14:23

Okay. Listen, honesty is the best policy. Is it? I'm a firm believer. All right.

SPEAKER_05 14:29

Well, believe it.

The Five Needs of Husbands and Wives

SPEAKER_05 14:31

You better believe it. You better believe it.

SPEAKER_01 14:33

Okay, I'm gonna play the clip for you guys. All right, play the clip.

SPEAKER_00 14:36

There are five knees between a man and a woman. Ten, actually. The top five needs for a man is he has a need for an attractive spouse, what's attractive to him. He has a need for sexual fulfillment, he has a need to be respected and honored, he has a need for recreational companionship. Okay, let me watch the game or watch the game with me. Yes, and the fifth one is he has a need for usually domestic support. There's some men that kind of want their wives to take care of the home.

SPEAKER_03 14:59

Yes.

SPEAKER_00 15:00

Woman, she has five needs. She has a need to be for a husband to be honest and open with her at all times, she has a need to communicate, she has a need for affection, she has a need for can't remember what it's called, but if you are a good father, it meets a need in your life. And the fifth one is she needs security. So that's what I do. What I do is I teach them what the word says about how a man is supposed to carry himself, how a woman is supposed to carry herself, and so those are the that's the love part. Now, here's the like part. The like part is what you need in order to be happy. What destroys a lot of marriages is not lack of love, it's the lack of likes.

SPEAKER_05 15:32

Wait, what?

SPEAKER_00 15:34

What destroys most marriages, you know that they are couples that they don't like each other, but they stay together, and they still love each other, but they can't stand each other. Yep. What destroys most marriages is you won't stop doing what I don't like. For example, I love my wife, but I don't like the way she dresses. I love my wife, but she will not work out and get in shape for me. I love my wife, but I can't stand the raggedy way in which she talks to me. So a lot of times it's the likes that are destroying the marriage, but you stay there because you actually love the individual.

SPEAKER_01 16:11

What destroys marriages is not the lack of love, but the lack of likes. Okay. I think that clip, that clip comes from Lionheart Church. That's the one that my brother-in-law sent me. So I thought that was really interesting. Um, I

Can You Love Your Spouse Without Liking Them?

SPEAKER_01 16:26

know that we touched on, you know, liking how important it is to like your partner. Um, just, I mean, just like how it's important to love your partner, but the difference in liking your partner, being in like with your partner. Like there's a difference between being in love and loving your partner. There's a difference between being in like with your partner. What are your thoughts?

SPEAKER_05 16:48

I agree.

SPEAKER_02 16:49

Okay, that's it.

SPEAKER_01 16:53

That's it. You you want me to pull teeth today? If you want me to give you a dissertation, no, I just I I'm I'm I agree with you, but also do you care to elaborate? I think it's I agree. What do you what do you agree with?

SPEAKER_05 17:08

I mean, you can love someone and not like them at all. Okay, so do you do you agree? You do a lot of shit I don't like. Okay, that's it goes both ways. But I love the shit out of it. See, we're not talking about me.

SPEAKER_01 17:20

Okay, but you just said that you agree. I do. Okay. So you but what what do you think you're agreeing to? You agree that marriages are destroyed on the lack of light instead of the lack of love.

SPEAKER_05 17:33

Because love can only carry you so far. Okay, and I can love you from afar. I can still love you and not be with you, but when I like you, I want to be around you. I want to be under you. I want to be in your skin. Right. I'm trying to be in it. I'm talking about in it.

SPEAKER_01 17:47

So, like they say, love can survive survive hard times. Love can what? Love can survive, survive hard times. Um, likes make you enjoy the good times.

SPEAKER_05 18:00

Is that true? I'm asking you. I think that's true. Okay. I think that's very, very, very true. Because we've gone through hard times where we didn't like each other. Right. But we loved each other. Right. And I stood beside you. You stood beside me. You walked up that mountain.

SPEAKER_01 18:14

Okay. Bye, Maurice. Goodbye. Okay.

SPEAKER_05 18:17

You went away. I'm not done. Oh, good. You

Love Can Survive the Hard Times

SPEAKER_05 18:20

walked up that mountain and I went and I and I went down to that valley to work on my marriage. Okay. Bye, Maurice. And my relationship. Goodbye. I mean, you told the whole people last week how you told you you were happy you didn't marry me. And I was, I was in tears.

SPEAKER_01 18:34

And that you had dust in your eyes.

SPEAKER_05 18:36

No, the second time I was crying. The first time was dust in mine.

SPEAKER_01 18:39

Okay, so kind of use that. Okay, like if we if we kind of go back to that, I don't necessarily like to use that as an example, only because, yes, in the sense that those were my real feelings at the moment. But at the same time, we were young, right? Um what we were going through was something neither one of us had ever experienced, right? And I feel like for me at that time, I was very much in that head space of, you know, super concerned with the future. You know, not to say that I'm not concerned with the future, not concerned, but think about the future. But at that time, it's like I just knew that I wanted to live an adult life opposite of some of the examples that I had of relationship and adult life that was modeled to me, if that's if that makes sense, right? And so that didn't line up like what we were going through at the time, felt as though it wasn't going to be lining up with what I saw, what I wanted for myself. You know what I mean? Um but in reference to this, when he makes the statement that likes destroy marriages more than love, he had given, he had given some examples as to like, I love my wife, but I don't like the way she dresses.

SPEAKER_03 19:56

Okay.

SPEAKER_01 19:57

Or I love my wife, but I don't like how she won't get in shape for me. Or like I love my husband, but I don't like how he doesn't uh is he like he's not affectionate towards me. So like in senses like that, even though you know you're gonna go through times where we don't like each other, do you agree? Well, you said you agreed. I think that's where the agreement comes from, is when you have so many like a long stretch of the of the dislikes, even though that there's love there. But when there's a stretch of the dislikes about your partner, that's what starts to take a toll on the relationship. Because I also think that kind of coincides with what being in love with someone also is.

SPEAKER_05 20:43

I mean, this is this is in love with somebody and being in love with somebody.

SPEAKER_01 20:46

Right. But that's what I'm saying. Like when when you say you love somebody, like for the rest of my life, I will always love you.

Staying in Love Takes Work

SPEAKER_05 20:53

You can't replace it. Like, I will always pause all you want. I know what I did. What you do? Yeah. Put my can lock that motherfucker.

SPEAKER_01 21:06

So, but I know for a fact that like I will always love you. There's like there's never gonna be a part of me that is not going to love you. All right, but I know that to remain in love with you is work is constantly it's a choice she made daily.

SPEAKER_05 21:24

It is a choice, it's a choice, and that go that for me the way I get up to leave and you snoring. Oh my gosh. And I'm like, I'ma stand beside her.

SPEAKER_01 21:35

And I say, I know it's hard having to get up for work after a long weekend. But I'm for you, not me.

SPEAKER_05 21:41

And I I'll see you when you get home.

SPEAKER_01 21:44

Um, but I know that like for me to um be in love with you, right? That takes work on my end, but it also takes work on your end because you constantly do things. That remind me of my love for you, which keeps me in love with you. For a minute. Doing things that make me like you. Oh, like buy like buying sardines. Like buy sardines. Like

The Everyday Things That Keep Love Alive

SPEAKER_01 22:11

buying sardines, like supporting me, like being my cheerleader. Like he said, being a great father. Take like those are things that keep me in like with you. Huh? Think I'm a great father? Some days. Um that I'm just teasing you. Those are, but those are things that keep me in love with you, which keeps me in like with you, right? Because it's it's not just those things, but it's you constantly wanting to do those things. It's you constantly wanting to like, or having the notion to be like, oh, you know what? I think she'll like this. Let me go ahead and do that. Or let me buy her this because like this will be a nice surprise, and I want to see a smile on her face, right? So for me, that's why I say I I I agree that it's the likes more than it's the love. Because we can still be together and love each other, but we can also just do that out of obligation. So we've made a promise to you.

SPEAKER_05 23:08

Would you say that the likes somewhat validate the love or or or reaffirms it? I can say I don't want to say validate because it seems like you only love me if I'd be like, no, I don't want to say validate. I say reaffirm it.

SPEAKER_01 23:21

Um, yeah, that's that's pretty much like what I said. That you know, and that's you said a lot. Okay, but what I'm saying is is like the in-love part for me, the way my brain works, the way I put that together, is that's that's what keeps me in love and in like with you. Because I see your efforts. I see your efforts too. I see your efforts in our partnership. Okay, okay. I see your efforts too. And not only do I see your efforts in our partnership, it makes me want it inspires me to want to be a better partner for you. I inspire you. You always inspire me. Oh like today, when you sent me your video of your bitch, it inspired me to get into the gotta run up a woman.

SPEAKER_05 24:06

I gotta run up a one.

SPEAKER_01 24:07

I said, you know, I want to impress him too because I felt like you were you were you were trying to impress me and I was like, I was just showing you the progress. You were trying to impress me, so I wanted to impress you. I was just showing you the progress. Okay, well, I just was showing you the progress too, but that's the point.

SPEAKER_05 24:20

You was bragging.

SPEAKER_01 24:21

Listen, but that's the point. Do you know what I mean? Yeah it's like you you are still doing things that fulfill you and that are good for you, but you do them also because it's like some parts of you also we can say, for the lack of better verbiage, trying to impress me or trying to um make sure that I see you and your gestures and your efforts, right? That's where the like part comes in, I think.

SPEAKER_03 24:49

Okay, right?

SPEAKER_01 24:49

Not to say that I like everything, not to say that you should like your partner 100% of the time, because the truth of the matter is, is that's just not going to happen. That I mean, and if you like your partner 100% of the time, you are winning. You have won whatever race this is, you are it, you're in the lead. Um, but overall, as much as I'm in love with you, I am also in like with you.

SPEAKER_05 25:16

So in like is crazy.

SPEAKER_01 25:19

Right? Like, this is a season where I'm also in like with you. There's days where I'm just like, nigga's really pushing my buttons. Okay. And then there's other days where I'm like, my man, my man, my man. You know what I'm saying?

SPEAKER_05 25:33

I feel like I get more of the other days, and then my man before you.

SPEAKER_01 25:35

Okay. Okay. Um,

Love Is a Decision, Like Is a Feeling

SPEAKER_01 25:42

so like love is like you said, love is a decision, like is a feeling.

SPEAKER_05 25:46

Okay. I mean, love is a feeling too, but okay.

SPEAKER_01 25:48

Love is love is a feeling too, but you also make a decision. Do you not? Because when you're in love with you. I choose to love you every day. Exactly.

SPEAKER_05 25:57

Exactly. Some days is an easy choice. Right. Some days is a hard choice. Right. But I pick it, I stand beside you.

SPEAKER_01 26:05

But my actions sometimes in this partnership create a feeling for you, whether you like me at that time or whether you don't like me at that time. Like you can look at me and be like, I I love my wife, but damn, I don't like when she don't do this.

SPEAKER_05 26:19

Yeah, but you know, but but you got my kryptonite. Because then you just you walk away slowly, and I watched that ass bounce. I'm like, look at them thighs. Like, you know, I don't even know why I was bad.

SPEAKER_01 26:29

Bye to me.

SPEAKER_05 26:30

That fixed it right there.

SPEAKER_01 26:31

Really? That fixed it right there. I don't even, it's gone. What am I what on what am I complaining? What are you a little bit sad about? What she pissed me off about? And then when I turn around and open my mouth, you be like, and there it is.

SPEAKER_04 26:46

There it is. There it is. There it is.

SPEAKER_05 26:49

Can you love someone and still not like their behavior? Yes. Okay, I'm happy you know that. I'm happy, I'm happy you understand how I feel.

SPEAKER_02 26:56

Oh, tell tell me.

SPEAKER_05 26:58

Tell me, tell the people. Because you have behaviors I do not like.

SPEAKER_01 27:01

Like what? Give me, give me four.

SPEAKER_05 27:04

We ain't got that much time.

SPEAKER_01 27:07

I would really hate to stab you in the eye this week.

SPEAKER_05 27:09

I can write a paper on this.

SPEAKER_01 27:10

You can write a paper, but you can't give me four.

SPEAKER_05 27:12

There are things that I don't like, I just put up with. Okay, you tolerate.

The Habits We Tolerate in Marriage

SPEAKER_05 27:17

Uh, yeah. I don't I don't I don't like how you manage time.

SPEAKER_01 27:20

Uh-huh.

SPEAKER_05 27:21

I just tolerate it.

SPEAKER_01 27:22

Okay.

SPEAKER_05 27:23

And and and and I thought it was just like like when you get dressed, it's it's it's I don't like the way you manage time overall. I just feel like I feel like because of the way I was raised, I have like this weird sense of urgency to always be somewhere before I'm supposed to be somewhere. Uh-huh. And to get like important things done as soon as possible. Uh-huh. And you like, it's gonna get done. Okay. We're gonna be there. Okay. And that's not I'd be like, if she could just move a little faster. Right. But I I never I don't say it to you, but my face do.

SPEAKER_01 27:57

But and then the on the flip side of that, the way I think is I prioritize urgencies because you take, you take everything on the same wavelength. No matter, no matter if it's a low priority, a medium priority, or a high priority, you set everything at a high priority. So for instance, like if I have a doctor's appointment to get to, I'm gonna, I'm gonna get to my doctor's appointment before time and on time. If I have a party to attend and it's just like a regular party, I'm gonna get there. I'm gonna get there eventually when I get there. Because the way my brain thinks is like I'm not going to place such stress on things that don't require that much energy.

SPEAKER_03 28:39

Okay.

SPEAKER_01 28:40

Right? So that's why I'm saying, like, you're that way. Like, if you're like, oh, we're going to Disneyland tomorrow, right? I want to be at Disneyland at 5:30. I'll fin at them. My thing is. My thing is, for one, this is something we've already experienced. I know exactly how this day is gonna go. And there's no reason for me to have to be at Disneyland at 5:30 a.m. But we will get there close to the time they open, or we will get there, we will get there in the morning. See? I'm not I'm not finna because you're not gonna sit here and stress me out over something that doesn't like because there's no point. Like, if we had to be there for something specific. The second time you came close to you. If we had to be there for something uh specific, we get there on time. If it's something where it's just like a day and we're just like going, I'm not gonna sit there and be like, okay, like we have, and that's how you are. You're that way with everything. That's where the balance comes in at. I just prioritize differently.

SPEAKER_05 29:40

I just feel like if my funeral starts at 10, you're gonna pull up at 10:30.

SPEAKER_01 29:45

Is it gonna change the fact that you're dead?

SPEAKER_05 29:47

This is what I'm talking about.

SPEAKER_01 29:49

This is what I'm talking about. Unless it becomes unless it becomes something where like they start charging by the half hour or the hour.

SPEAKER_05 30:03

Okay. We're done. Okay, that was only one. Um I'd have no more. I am done. I

Why Dinner Has to Be Spectacular

SPEAKER_05 30:11

am done.

SPEAKER_02 30:13

I am done.

SPEAKER_05 30:16

I don't, okay, I don't too much care for I feel like you dinner always has to be something spectacular.

SPEAKER_01 30:26

We we just had this, we just had this conversation. Oh, yeah.

SPEAKER_05 30:32

Uh I always feel like for crazy. I always feel like for you, dinner has to be something spectacular. And I'm What do you mean? Like, like it gotta it gotta be Instagram worthy. You gotta have all these extra ingredients, you gotta, you know, it gotta it gotta lift apart. When I'm like, girl, bake some chicken, put some broccoli and rice on the plate, and let's get it over with. It ain't gotta be fancy.

SPEAKER_01 30:57

It does, but to me, but to me, it's not fancy.

SPEAKER_05 31:01

But my thing is, okay, when I'm gonna put a little garnish on there, I'm gonna do a little dance.

SPEAKER_01 31:07

Okay, so there's a couple of different things, okay? Okay. For one, I would like to feed you variety, okay? There's one, okay. For two, this is part of life. Listen, for two, um, it's just, it's not that I'm trying to make something like super spectacular, but I also don't want dinner to be so bland and boring where you guys are always like complaining about it.

SPEAKER_05 31:32

We have seasoning, it's not boring. Okay, it's not bland.

SPEAKER_01 31:35

But also on that same note, when I had told you, I was like, okay, like if you tell me what you want to eat, I'll cook it for you, right? And before that, I was making dinner and I would make a something different like every single night, was I not? Yes. That shit became very tiring very quickly.

SPEAKER_05 31:49

And I but you were doing that yourself.

SPEAKER_01 31:51

I know, but were you complaining? I did not complain. You did not complain. And I knew you liked it because every time I tried something new, you'd be like, oh, like this is different. And you would tell me, like, babe, keep this in the arsenal. This I don't like so much. Get rid of this. Yeah, get rid of this or keep this or whatever, right? So then when I stopped doing that, I was like, okay, what we're gonna do is I made the the dinner calendar and I was like, Mondays, we're gonna have this, Tuesdays, we're gonna have this. You were not cool with that. You were cool with that for like a the month, and then after that, you and your daughter both kept complaining. No, no, no. But she started saying, Can you go back to when you used to make something different every single night?

SPEAKER_05 32:26

Listen to I was cool with everything but the spaghetti. If you would have cut everything but the spaghetti, I am I've

Moe Is Tired of Spaghetti

SPEAKER_05 32:36

had enough spaghetti for a lifetime. I don't know what it is about my people, but spaghetti is that struggle meal, the the the menu over. It's the meal you get at every wake. It's it's the default meal at every party where you don't want to spend a lot of money. I am sick and tired of you.

SPEAKER_01 32:53

I offered to make baked spaghetti.

SPEAKER_05 32:56

I don't care what kind of spaghetti. If it's spaghetti, I don't want it. Period.

SPEAKER_01 33:00

But it's cost efficient. You had lunch for the next day.

SPEAKER_03 33:05

Okay.

SPEAKER_01 33:05

You know?

SPEAKER_05 33:06

Okay. I also don't like I also don't like the

Gas Gauges and Unspoken Expectations

SPEAKER_05 33:10

way you don't tell me about gauges in your car until it's too late.

SPEAKER_01 33:13

What you mean? As soon as something comes up, I take a screenshot and send it to you. You do not. Yes, I do. I quite literally do, as soon as a light or something comes on, because I know I'm not gonna fix it. Because I take a screenshot and I be like, A boo, like your car coffin.

SPEAKER_05 33:30

So I I put gas most of the time in my eye's car.

SPEAKER_01 33:34

Oh, well, that's different.

SPEAKER_05 33:35

But she don't tell me when she needs gas. I have to discover it. And in her mind, I should just check every day to see where her gas is at. Like I got nothing else to do.

SPEAKER_01 33:44

And in my defense, in my defense, it's funny that you say that. And I know we've had this discussion before. I've never had, well, I won't, I don't know. But you always have like put gas in my car, even but before I even have a chance to like look at it, I'm just used to getting in the car and there's being gas in it. So the way I start thinking is, oh, he's keeping up. He's keeping up with my gas gauge. Like, if in the event where it gets too low and you haven't put a gas in the car yet, then I might be like, hey, babe, like I need gas. You want me to stop by and get gas? But that typically doesn't happen. I just get in the car and there's gas there. So you can't let me tell you. You never told me you didn't like me not telling you my gas was low. Now I gotta pay attention to that.

SPEAKER_05 34:29

It'd be nice. This is my biggest one. Okay. The time one is is number two. Okay. This number one. This is this is this one you have inherited from your mother. I feel like we've gone off on a tangent, but yes. No, you asked me for four behaviors I don't like. Okay.

Do You Need a New Outfit for Every Event?

SPEAKER_05 34:45

You do not need a new outfit for every holiday. It's St. Patty's Day. You don't need a new outfit. You don't need a new fit for every made-up holiday.

SPEAKER_01 34:57

Okay, first of all. No. First of all, I think that's a cultural thing. I don't think, I don't think it's just my outfold. I think that is a cultural thing. You guys sound off in the comments. Were you raised to get like a new pair of shoes or like a new outfit or something if you had like a dinner to go to or a family function or like just an event? It's an excuse that you use. It's not an excuse. If I have something to wear, I just wear what I have. But if I don't have anything that I feel is appropriate or that I'm going to be comfortable in, going to, depending on the event, then I will go and find something that will make me feel comfortable.

SPEAKER_05 35:36

You do not need an outfit for Martin Luther King Day.

SPEAKER_01 35:38

Okay, Maurice, you're you're being so dramatic right now. I don't buy anything for Martin Luther King Day unless we're going somewhere. If we're if we have an event to go to and I don't have anything, then I will, then I will get something.

SPEAKER_05 35:56

Friendship offering the secret ingredient. It's friendship often. Friendship. Friendship is friendship often.

SPEAKER_01 36:02

Oh, there that's the that's that's that's the word I was waiting for you to enunciate. It was the because I said offering.

SPEAKER_05 36:10

Another thing, that's another behavior I like about you. You always you always trying to talk about me. Don't touch me. Unhand me, you heathen.

Is Friendship the Secret to Marriage?

SPEAKER_01 36:21

I was just teasing you.

SPEAKER_05 36:23

Friends like you who need enemies.

SPEAKER_01 36:25

Okay, bye. Um, yes. Yes, having a uh you think we friends? We are friends, we're besties.

SPEAKER_05 36:33

We're benefits, because we be hunching.

SPEAKER_01 36:36

What? Get out of my face. Ain't nobody hunching. What you call it? What you call it? I call it bubble time with my spouse. All right, I call it TD May Bang. Okay. Um, yes, I think friendship is I think friendship is foundational. Oh, is it? Yeah.

SPEAKER_05 36:58

I would agree.

SPEAKER_01 36:59

Yeah.

SPEAKER_05 36:59

We were great friends. We were great friends.

SPEAKER_01 37:02

I think uh yeah, friendship.

SPEAKER_05 37:04

But I always wanted that ass.

SPEAKER_01 37:07

Okay.

SPEAKER_05 37:07

It was the ass that attracted me.

SPEAKER_01 37:09

It's many couples, it says many couples describe their spouse as their favorite person, not just the person I'm committed to.

SPEAKER_05 37:17

Well, I can say currently you are my favorite person.

SPEAKER_01 37:20

In this in this realm, right now, right?

SPEAKER_05 37:22

Like you was not always my favorite person.

SPEAKER_01 37:23

Right.

SPEAKER_05 37:24

Because ain't nobody better than baby roof.

SPEAKER_01 37:26

Right. You just got back on my list, but yes, I I can give two shits. You you do give two shits, actually.

SPEAKER_05 37:33

Now okay. You know what? It says love gets you through crisis, and I don't think that's true because I'm going through one right now.

SPEAKER_01 37:42

Okay. You're not, you're not.

SPEAKER_05 37:45

And ain't no love, ain't no love here no more.

SPEAKER_01 37:48

Um crises like when illness strikes, when money gets tight. Oh, Jesus. When life becomes difficult, why are you laughing? Because I just never mind.

Love Gets You Through Crisis

SPEAKER_01 38:02

Love is what says I'm not leaving.

SPEAKER_05 38:06

Oh, what does it say? Okay.

SPEAKER_01 38:09

Like alone usually isn't enough during those times.

SPEAKER_05 38:13

Love says I'm not leaving, but I'm in the waiting room.

SPEAKER_01 38:16

Okay. Says I'm not leaving, but I do have one toe outside. I'm in the waiting room. If you don't get this shit together soon, I'ma put one foot down completely outside and like she said, love is a dangerous game to play.

SPEAKER_04 38:30

Okay. Here you go with the music reference. You know what I'm saying? Yeah.

SPEAKER_01 38:33

Okay. I do like this one though. And I think this kind of goes back into like being being in love and being in like where it says likes create everyday happiness.

SPEAKER_05 38:45

That's true. Because when I like you, and when you do something that makes me like you, it does make my day.

SPEAKER_01 38:50

Like laughing together, yeah, having great conversations with each other, um, meeting each other's love languages, enjoying just sharing life. Like, I think that's where the light comes in. Speaking of love languages. Oh gosh. Okay. I don't like how that one just like speaking of love.

SPEAKER_05 39:09

So my before my wife left me this weekend to be with her child at the pool.

Keeping the House Clean for Your Spouse

SPEAKER_05 39:14

My wife cleaned this house, y'all. I mean, she even got out her stainless steel cleaner. Okay. I said, look here.

SPEAKER_02 39:22

Bye.

SPEAKER_05 39:23

I was in the refrigerator like this.

SPEAKER_02 39:25

Okay. Looking at yourself? Okay.

SPEAKER_05 39:28

My line is a little off.

SPEAKER_02 39:29

You do it a lot.

SPEAKER_05 39:30

So I said, oh man, I I got back from the gym. I said, man, she really cleaned this house. I said, I gotta make sure that this kitchen is the same.

SPEAKER_02 39:37

Is exact same when I come back.

SPEAKER_01 39:41

Because that's exactly why I made sure everything, I made sure everything was cleaned up, put away, scrubbed down before I left.

SPEAKER_05 39:50

Because if anything was out of place, so y'all should have seen me. It was about 5:30. I was hungry. And I was like, man, I could, I really want to cook this steak, but I don't want to get to the case.

unknown 40:02

See?

SPEAKER_02 40:03

See?

SPEAKER_01 40:04

That's the type of shit he does. I'm really hungry. But and you know what? You know what he will do? Like I've said before, if I'm gone all day and he's home, he'll snack to death until I walk into this door. And then he'll be like, What's dinner? I'm hungry. What you cooking? I've been gone all day. You could have at any point in the day go out to that kitchen and cook yourself something to eat. But because he don't want to clean up, he will sit here and starve and snack himself to death until I get home because he knows I'm gonna clean up after I cook.

SPEAKER_05 40:37

Or hear me out. Hear me out. I don't want to make a mess.

SPEAKER_01 40:41

You just clean it.

SPEAKER_05 40:42

So I let you make the mess.

SPEAKER_01 40:44

And then you let it be my problem.

SPEAKER_05 40:46

Gotta think.

SPEAKER_01 40:48

Gotta think. And that's exactly why I don't look at my gauge in my car. That's you. You see how you do with food and cleaning? And that's exactly why I don't pay attention to shit in that colour.

SPEAKER_05 40:59

I was in the kitchen, like, damn, I really want that steak.

SPEAKER_01 41:03

But it ain't worth it.

SPEAKER_05 41:05

I said, I could just go to Jersey Mike. Shit. Wow. So I could just I could just eat out. I could just order it right now and be ready by the time I get there.

SPEAKER_01 41:14

And guess what? You be saving money because you only got to work about it. You see, that's what I do. I told you.

SPEAKER_05 41:19

But then I put in the app and it said $24. I said, I'm gonna go ahead and warm with these leftovers. Because I am not gonna give Jersey Mike $25 for a salad. For a regular size salad.

Lover, Friend, and Teammate

SPEAKER_01 41:30

It's crazy. That's what I said the last time I went. I mean, I still paid. But that that's I said the same thing. I said, y'all is getting wild with these prices.

SPEAKER_05 41:40

It says the best marriages don't choose between them.

SPEAKER_01 41:43

The healthiest marriages actively cultivate both. So you should want your spouse to be your lover, your friend, and your homie. Damn. Okay, say it, but I thought. Okay. Not just one of the three.

SPEAKER_05 41:59

Yeah, all three.

SPEAKER_01 42:01

But see, you know.

SPEAKER_05 42:02

In the words of my cousin, we don't want no failure of the friend. Because I'm gonna be here to the end.

SPEAKER_01 42:06

I can't. I can't.

SPEAKER_05 42:08

Shout out to Johnny.

SPEAKER_01 42:09

Um Johnny Gill. That's my cousin. That's not your cousin. Okay. It's not your cousin. Um the only thing is, is like sometimes, like, okay, yes, you're a lover all the time, but teammate and friend, I don't know all the time.

SPEAKER_05 42:24

I'm always your friend. I'm always your teammate. I'll be rooting for you. Shoot. I know you don't root for me. Shoot.

SPEAKER_01 42:30

I'm teasing.

SPEAKER_05 42:31

Like when you go get stuff when I'm not around. What you mean? And then tell me about it.

SPEAKER_01 42:34

What you mean?

SPEAKER_05 42:35

Oh, okay.

SPEAKER_01 42:35

No, I'm asking you. I really don't know what you mean.

SPEAKER_05 42:37

Like when you sneak and get your Chipotle?

SPEAKER_01 42:39

It's not sneaking. I just don't mention it.

SPEAKER_05 42:42

Okay, go ahead. Nothing else.

SPEAKER_01 42:45

Why?

SPEAKER_05 42:46

I have nothing else.

SPEAKER_01 42:47

Sneaking, I just don't mention it.

SPEAKER_05 42:49

Okay.

SPEAKER_01 42:49

I just don't mention it.

SPEAKER_05 42:51

I'm about to go to sleep on you.

SPEAKER_01 42:52

What why?

SPEAKER_05 42:53

Go ahead.

SPEAKER_01 42:54

Okay, whatever. Um, so the pastor had mentioned women needing to feel secure. I think that is absolutely true. Um, women often need to feel love, right? Um,

What Makes Women Feel Secure?

SPEAKER_01 43:07

partner enjoying talking to us, seeking our company, valuing our thoughts.

SPEAKER_05 43:14

I mean, you think a lot. Don't mean they're all valid.

SPEAKER_01 43:20

Really? You think a lot. It doesn't mean they're all valid, but they're my thoughts. And you're entitled to them.

Providing, Protecting, and Obligation

SPEAKER_05 43:29

Men sometimes associate love with providing, protecting, and staying loyal, even when emotions frustrate you. Now that's true.

SPEAKER_01 43:36

That's like obligation, though.

SPEAKER_05 43:38

He obligated. Let me tell you.

SPEAKER_01 43:40

He obligated it.

SPEAKER_05 43:41

Let me tell you. I say it all the time. I have I have a commitment that I have vowed to. I I plan on keeping it. Keeping it. So I am obligated. Trust and believe. I don't always feel like provide.

SPEAKER_01 43:52

No.

SPEAKER_05 43:53

Sometimes I don't, I sometimes I don't want to be your protection. Because sometimes I want to be the one attacking you. So I can't protect you.

SPEAKER_02 44:02

Sometimes I want to be the one attacking you.

SPEAKER_05 44:04

So I can't attack you and protect you at the same time. You know? But I am always loyal.

SPEAKER_01 44:10

Yeah. I mean, I wouldn't know, but I take your word for it. Oh, I mean, I trust, I trust that you are.

SPEAKER_05 44:16

No site kids.

SPEAKER_01 44:17

That just means there's no evidence. What'd that mean?

SPEAKER_02 44:22

You don't want to have the baby on me.

SPEAKER_01 44:25

Huh? You had a baby on me. I had a baby on you? I have what? I have a baby with you.

SPEAKER_05 44:31

I was not coherent when that baby was made.

SPEAKER_01 44:33

Bye, Maurice. Bye. Um,

Emotional Connection Keeps the Like Alive

SPEAKER_01 44:36

emotional connections fuel likability for women. Okay. Absolutely agree. Women often feel closest when conversations go beyond logistics and responsibilities. So when I feel like you're operating not just out of obligation, but because you want to. Like I said earlier, when you do things that you know are either gonna make me happy, put a smile on my face, or just bring me some type of joy, that's not necessarily acting out of obligation because you don't necessarily have to do those things. No, I don't. But you do. I like to think that you do those things because you like me and because you you're in like with me. Wow. I like that ass. Okay.

SPEAKER_05 45:19

You know, men often view respect. Uh

Respect and Feeling Safe in Marriage

SPEAKER_05 45:23

I'm sorry, respect often influence likability for men. Many men like find it difficult to uh like a relationship where they feel constantly criticized or disrespected. Now, I mean, who wants to be criticized or disrespected? I think that goes both ways.

SPEAKER_01 45:36

Okay.

SPEAKER_05 45:36

That's how I feel personally.

SPEAKER_01 45:37

Nobody wants to be criticized. Um I mean constructive criticism.

SPEAKER_05 45:42

Men want their wives to be their safe place. And look here, this is true. I I need to know that I can come to you and it'd be a place of peace, encouragement, and friendship.

SPEAKER_01 45:54

Okay.

SPEAKER_05 45:54

I need to know that what I can come here, I can be vulnerable, I can get some dust in my eye. Okay. You know, I I can be encouraged, it's gonna be okay. We're gonna get them next time.

SPEAKER_03 46:05

Okay. And a little note, go get them.

SPEAKER_05 46:07

Go get them and some friendship. Like, nah, nigga, you messing up.

SPEAKER_02 46:11

You fucking up right now.

SPEAKER_05 46:13

What's all this cussing? I told you the other day, I said, You cussing too much for me. You gotta stop, you gotta stop working out because you're starting to cuss too much for me.

SPEAKER_02 46:21

We have to stop working out. So you what does that have to do?

SPEAKER_05 46:24

Because you're cussing too much.

SPEAKER_02 46:25

What does that have to do with me working out?

SPEAKER_05 46:27

You used to be a lady, now you just a oh come on.

SPEAKER_01 46:32

I'm

Do Men Stay After the Like Is Gone?

SPEAKER_01 46:33

not I'm not lady enough for you, I'm not soft enough for you.

SPEAKER_05 46:35

You definitely not part of the turtle club no more. Uh men stay men may stay focused on love uh long after they the light has faded. And I think this is true.

SPEAKER_01 46:45

Oh, say that again.

SPEAKER_05 46:46

Men may stay uh longer after love. Uh-huh. I mean longer you got me messing up. Men may stay because of love longer after the light has faded. So meaning like after I don't like you, but I love you. Right? And I think that goes back to commitment.

SPEAKER_01 47:07

An obligation.

SPEAKER_05 47:08

I'm obligated.

SPEAKER_01 47:09

Uh-huh.

SPEAKER_05 47:10

I've I've I've said I've I've given this woman my word. And so whether I like her or not, I gotta I'm gonna honor my word because that's who I am.

SPEAKER_03 47:18

Yeah.

SPEAKER_05 47:18

And sometimes that hurt hurts some people because sometimes it don't play in their favor because sometimes they got they got a woman that know he's gonna still be there no matter how dog or she gets.

SPEAKER_01 47:28

But it goes both ways, it does go both ways. But I also I would also challenge that. Um, I mean, obviously we don't have any statistics or anything in front of us, but I'm

Staying Married Versus Staying Loyal

SPEAKER_01 47:39

I'm willing to lean that. I mean, I I don't know, like I said, we don't have any statistics, but I don't think the staying is that long. I mean, here's the thing maybe yes, staying in the marriage, but how about being loyal in the marriage? Because typically. Because typically right here. Really? You think I like you all these all these things? Really? Really, the male? Okay. Because typically, uh-huh, when it comes to men and women, uh-huh, women will tend to put up with a lot of things, not having love, not having what what do you say, not having uh communication, not having security, not having affection, um, a lot longer, right? And probably not having love, but still staying for purposes of if especially if there's children involved, to ensure that children have a two-parent household, women putting their own emotional emotions on the back burner and still remaining like loyal. Men might stay in, and of course, this is very like broad. I'm not saying all men, you might stay in the marriage, but are you still loyal in the marriage? Because it's easier to stay in there when you already, when you got something on the side that's still keeping your attention and keeping you happy in the way that you wanted to. Exactly, exactly. So, yes, you can you can sit there and be like, oh yeah, you know, but I haven't liked her in so long, but I I still paid the bills and I still took care of the kids and I still didn't. You did my job. Yeah, you did all of that because you were obligated, and okay, you can say that's commendable, but you still didn't stick to the obligation of the the union you created with that person even though you didn't like them. Okay. That's what I'm saying. Okay, so that's that I feel like that's completely different. Okay. Do you agree? Yes or no?

SPEAKER_05 49:30

I agree.

SPEAKER_01 49:30

Why are you looking so somber now?

Shared Fun and Physical Intimacy

SPEAKER_05 49:33

I'm going through the emotions. Okay. It says here that that shared fun matters. Many husbands feel closest to their wives when they're laughing, playing, and experiencing life together. Absolutely.

SPEAKER_01 49:44

Absolutely. When we get a good workout together, it's fireworks.

SPEAKER_05 49:49

Especially then that's a beetle hit, and then you come home and finish.

SPEAKER_01 49:52

All right, okay. Um, friendship creates. And friendship creates security ass. A wife often feels safer when her husband feels like her best friend. Woo! That's the portion of I feel like that aligns with the security portion too.

SPEAKER_05 50:15

Okay, uh, physical intimacy often re reinforces both love and life. For many men, affectionate intimacy strengthens both emotional connection and friendship. This is true. Because if you ain't giving it up, I don't feel like you like me like that.

SPEAKER_02 50:28

If you like I don't feel like you like me like that.

SPEAKER_05 50:31

If you like me, it'd be on me. You know what I'm saying? If you like me, I'd be like, You know what I'm saying?

SPEAKER_01 50:38

Hit you with the if you like, if you liked me, you give me some money.

SPEAKER_05 50:42

You have money, you have all my cards.

SPEAKER_01 50:47

We have one account. What are you talking about? I feel like if you liked me, you give me some money.

SPEAKER_04 50:52

You you have the money.

SPEAKER_01 50:53

I'm saying that's what it sounds like to me when you say that. So yeah, so that that I feel like how he said for men when he said that men have five basic needs attract uh to be attractive, to have an attractive spouse. Are you attractive? I mean I'm still pulling, so yeah. Are you pulling me? Are you pulling me? Yeah, I am. That's I mean, that's the only pull that matters.

SPEAKER_05 51:16

You're gonna mad net off.

SPEAKER_01 51:17

That's the only pull that matters.

SPEAKER_05 51:18

Stop trying to save yourself.

SPEAKER_01 51:21

You better stop before she mad again. Are you calling me a whore? You're my whore. Um, so having an attractive spouse, um, sex, um, respect. I feel like all that is tied up in there. What about the recreational uh companionship?

SPEAKER_05 51:40

When he I think that's we have that with the gym.

SPEAKER_01 51:42

Yeah, yeah.

SPEAKER_05 51:43

So you I mean you don't do anything else outside, but I do a lot of things outside.

SPEAKER_01 51:48

Okay, you I visit bookstores.

SPEAKER_05 51:50

Okay. Outside in the world that's not covered. It

Would You Still Choose Your Spouse Today?

SPEAKER_05 51:55

says men want to men want to feel chosen to. Many husbands don't just want loyalty. They want to know if she met me today, she would still choose me. Would you still choose me?

SPEAKER_01 52:06

I feel like I would.

SPEAKER_05 52:07

I don't think you would. Some days I feel like today wouldn't.

SPEAKER_01 52:11

It really just depends on what your bench looked like that day. Like if I was meeting you for the first I'm done. If I was meeting you for the first time and we were at the gym, I would have to see what your bench looks like that day. And then I'll let you know if what?

SPEAKER_05 52:28

I'm done.

SPEAKER_01 52:29

I'm just joking. I'm just teasing you. Um let's see. Oh, women want to be pursued beyond marriage. I do a good job of that. Many women miss feeling desired and pursued after the wedding vows. I don't know. After years of never married.

SPEAKER_05 52:47

I chased you this morning. I chased you while you're asleep. I tried to chase you today. I chase you when you get out the out the bed. I chase you when you get dressed. I chase you and the shower.

SPEAKER_01 52:58

You just be horny.

SPEAKER_05 53:01

You can't run from me because I'm on your ass.

SPEAKER_01 53:04

That's just because you be horny, that's why.

SPEAKER_05 53:06

Well, maybe because I like what I see. That's who.

SPEAKER_01 53:08

I like you. And I want you.

SPEAKER_05 53:10

Then we can do this the easy way, or we can do this the hard way. Oh, I see you choosing the hard way.

SPEAKER_01 53:16

We should watch that later.

Why Liking Your Spouse Matters Every Day

SPEAKER_01 53:19

Okay, guys. Yeah, but I I think all in all, I agree. It's the likes. And I say the likes because the likes, the likes is the everyday feelings. Okay. But you're not gonna like your spouse always, right? Um, love is obviously love is involved, but sometimes, like how we talked about earlier, I think the obligation can get in the way of that, you know? And when you start feeling more just of obligation instead of looking at your spouse and your partner and being like, but I actually like you. Like I love the time we get to spend together when we're alone. I like who you are as an individual. I like um, you know, when I get you alone, I could see, I could see the woman or the girl that I fell in love with. I could see how you light up when you're doing something that inspires you. I could, that's what I that's where I feel like the likes come in at, right? But if you're constantly, you get you can get that too with love, but if you're constantly like not in like with your partner and you, but you know you love your partner and you know that you don't want to see them hurt, and you know I'm gonna take care of you because I made a promise to take care of you, that doesn't necessarily mean you're constantly having the feels of the excitement of like taking care of them. You know what I'm saying? Like you're not upstairs paying bills all the time and being like, yes, I get to pay all these bills. Like, and I'm so excited because you never did that. Exactly. Exactly.

SPEAKER_05 54:47

I'll be exactly the opposite.

SPEAKER_01 54:48

If she spent one more motherfucking dollar, exactly, you know, but it's like, well, on the same token, you can say, like, yeah, I'm I'm doing all this because I love her and I'm obligated to do these things, but I also like how she's mindful and she does try to maintain a budget. Okay, right? All right, so is it you know, it kind of goes hand in hand, but yeah, so I thought that was really good. That was really good. Let's hop into this. Shout out to my bill for sending me that idea.

SPEAKER_05 55:15

Let's hop into

If We Knew Then: Would We Do Marriage Differently?

SPEAKER_05 55:17

if we knew then. Okay. And this week's question of if we knew then. Okay, if we knew then what marriage would really require, would we had done anything different?

SPEAKER_01 55:31

Yes.

SPEAKER_05 55:32

Oh, damn. I wouldn't have done it. No, I'm joking. Keep opening that womb, bro.

SPEAKER_01 55:41

I'm joking. Oh my gosh. I'm joking. Okay, so if um if we knew what say it again.

SPEAKER_05 55:48

What marriage would really require, would we have done anything differently?

SPEAKER_01 55:53

Have done anything differently? Um I'm trying to think about it in perspective of like us together as a couple, like decisions we've made together. Um I don't I want to say, I honestly want to say no. Like, obviously, there's reasons that is the wrong answer. Hold on. I would say that there are things that you could say, like, yeah, I would do this differently, I would do that differently. But the reason why I will say no, I wouldn't do anything differently is simply because of where we are now. Okay. And having gone through certain things, those experiences, having to figure things out, having to work things out, having to work through things is what has gotten us here at this stage in our partnership today. Okay. Right. So I wouldn't want to change what we had to go through to get to where we are, because there's no, there's no saying that it would have made things better or worse. You know, like because if you say, like, if there's a decision that we regretted making, and if we think we could go back and how we think that would have played out had we made a different decision, you're assuming that making a different decision would have panned out in a more favorable way.

SPEAKER_03 57:12

Okay.

SPEAKER_01 57:13

You're taking on the assumption that making a different decision would have panned out in a more favorable way, but you don't know how that would have affected other things to come, right? But you do know that the decision that you made, even though at the time it felt like the best decision, and then once things played out, you're like, damn, I wish I could have gone back and did that. What you learned from making that decision, the time that we spent together, the times that we had to sit down and figure shit out, the times that we had to go through uh navigating is what brought us to where we are now, which allows us to have hard conversations, which allows us to be able to sit in times where we're not in like with each other, but still have an understanding that no matter how we're feeling about our marriage right now, I know for sure you're not going anywhere. You know for sure that I'm not going anywhere, and we know that for sure that this is only a short period of time and that eventually we will get through it. Okay, right? So I wouldn't change. I wouldn't change anything.

SPEAKER_05 58:12

That's beautiful. Everything you said was beautiful. However, however, it was incorrect.

SPEAKER_01 58:16

Okay.

SPEAKER_05 58:17

Knowing what we know about marriage now, uh-huh, we should have got married at 15.

SPEAKER_01 58:21

Okay.

SPEAKER_05 58:22

First of all, wasn't nobody getting no married at 15. We should have got married at 15. We should have bought the house for 18. And we should have started having kids at 12. At 19 and 22.

SPEAKER_02 58:36

No. Other than that, everything was great.

SPEAKER_05 58:39

Everything else was great.

SPEAKER_02 58:40

Everything he said was beautiful.

SPEAKER_05 58:41

Beautiful.

SPEAKER_02 58:42

Beautiful. It was beautiful.

SPEAKER_05 58:44

The only thing is that the timeline and our money timeline would have been a lot better.

SPEAKER_01 58:49

Yeah, but no, but see, you're assuming you're assuming that because of how the decisions that you chose. No, you didn't see that timeline.

SPEAKER_05 59:00

And I know I'm right.

SPEAKER_01 59:01

Because you know, but then you also would understand that there's a billion timelines. There isn't just one, there isn't just one or two with that decision.

SPEAKER_05 59:09

Okay, Merker.

SPEAKER_01 59:10

I'm just I'm just saying there's there's how there's an infinity, an infinite amount of life, like lifeline. So all right. All right, guys, let's

Comment of the Week

SPEAKER_01 59:19

hop on into the common of the week, people.

SPEAKER_05 59:21

Okay, here we go. The coming of the week, we're gonna, I don't know how many I got. Okay. I'm gonna read them and you're gonna enjoy them.

SPEAKER_01 59:28

I'm gonna read them and you're gonna enjoy them.

SPEAKER_05 59:30

Because I enjoyed them.

SPEAKER_01 59:31

That's crazy.

SPEAKER_05 59:32

These first two come from uh the post about the son's baby mama demanding that the grandmother meet her first before she has the baby. Before she has the baby. Okay, that heifer. That ho.

SPEAKER_01 59:49

Bye, DeBelle.

SPEAKER_05 59:50

And this first comment comes from, babe, say her name.

SPEAKER_01 59:54

Uh Tiaga.

SPEAKER_05 59:56

We're gonna go with that. And she said, not the side piece making demands when she forced her way into these people's lives, these people, and that son is also allowed. Now, look here, you was nice calling her the side piece. I called her the hoe.

SPEAKER_01 1:00:13

Okay, the whore.

SPEAKER_05 1:00:15

Okay, the Jezebel. Okay, the Helen of Troy.

SPEAKER_01 1:00:18

Okay, Marie, you're doing a lot. The Helen of Troy.

SPEAKER_05 1:00:23

Who does she think she is?

SPEAKER_01 1:00:25

The Helen of Troy.

SPEAKER_05 1:00:26

Come in here and make demands. Okay.

SPEAKER_01 1:00:29

Oh god.

SPEAKER_05 1:00:30

The next comment comes from the same post, comes from comes from Too Hot to Try.

SPEAKER_01 1:00:35

I like that name.

SPEAKER_05 1:00:37

And she says Hello whore.

SPEAKER_01 1:00:40

Unpleasant to meet you. That was hilarious.

SPEAKER_05 1:00:45

That's the best way.

SPEAKER_01 1:00:46

That was that was hilarious.

SPEAKER_05 1:00:47

Hello, whore. That's the best way. That was hilarious. That's the best way to introduce yourself.

SPEAKER_03 1:00:54

Yeah.

SPEAKER_05 1:00:54

Hello, whore. This next comic comes from uh into uh uh same post, comes from in the Monty, and this person says, Grandma should be meeting her son either. Cut all ties, cut ties with both of the horns.

SPEAKER_01 1:01:10

Because he's out here wilding.

SPEAKER_05 1:01:11

Because he's hoeing, she hoeing, and they both in the wrong.

SPEAKER_01 1:01:14

They out here wilding.

SPEAKER_05 1:01:16

Two hoes. Yeah. Don't make it right.

SPEAKER_01 1:01:18

Two hoes, really, two hoes don't make it right. Bye.

SPEAKER_05 1:01:21

Right. And this last post, uh, this last one comes from the post about um uh when my wife was saying about her misconceptions of me, me being sensitive, right?

SPEAKER_01 1:01:34

Misconceptions, oh yeah, yeah. Right.

SPEAKER_05 1:01:37

And um basically she let tell y'all I'll be crying and shit. And uh I do play as fuck up. Uh and this this comment comes from extra jelly 29. Look here.

SPEAKER_01 1:01:48

She said, tell me Oh, wait a minute.

SPEAKER_05 1:01:50

The name.

SPEAKER_01 1:01:51

Yes, I love the name. The name. I love the name too.

SPEAKER_05 1:01:54

Well, we have to incorporate that. Okay, bye. Uh she says, tell it on him and defending him at the same time.

SPEAKER_01 1:02:01

She loves it.

SPEAKER_05 1:02:02

Because why is she putting my business out here?

SPEAKER_01 1:02:05

What are you talking about?

SPEAKER_05 1:02:06

We're talking about in a good way.

SPEAKER_01 1:02:07

We talked about it before, we've mentioned it before. Listen, this is open, honest marital conversations, is it not? Is it not? Yes, all right. We we, you know, trying to help trying to help the people. I we ain't the only people that have been through a tough time, right? And you know, couples can feel alone sometimes when they're going through a rough, a rough patch.

SPEAKER_05 1:02:27

But do you have a tear all stretched? You could have put a little crap. You could have put a little sugar around the edges or something.

SPEAKER_01 1:02:34

Okay, he didn't have he didn't have that many tears. It was not that many tears. Is that better?

SPEAKER_05 1:02:39

I don't like you, but I love that's funny.

SPEAKER_01 1:02:44

Um, all right, guys. Let's hop on into R2C. R2Cs. Okay, let's see. This one says, Am I overdoing it on the me time? Is this a boosky? No, this one's not a boosky. Okay. Uh says, Hi, moms. I'd like to ask for uh a gut check on whether I'm being selfish due to the amount of time I spend out of the house.

Our 2 Cents Begins

SPEAKER_05 1:03:04

No.

Is Mom Taking Too Much Me Time?

SPEAKER_05 1:03:05

We ain't gotta read it.

SPEAKER_01 1:03:06

Okay. Husband and I have two elementary aged children.

SPEAKER_05 1:03:09

Absolutely not.

SPEAKER_01 1:03:10

He plays pickup basketball two times a week and goes to the gym two times a week. Two of those are during kid hours, which means I solo parent. I have never had an issue with any of it. Okay. Six months ago, I joined a Pilates gym and have since gotten really into it. All right. I've made friends and now I go two to three times a week.

SPEAKER_03 1:03:30

I love it.

SPEAKER_01 1:03:30

I take evening classes that start right around bedtime, which means he is also solo parenting for 30 minutes so that I can leave to get to class on time. 30 minutes.

SPEAKER_05 1:03:40

Consider it.

SPEAKER_01 1:03:41

We always make sure that the kids are ready for bed so that all he has to do is read them a book and tuck them in. Okay. We planned a girl's night out this past Saturday, and I had a blast. I came home all jazzed up and told him about how we like uh to try it every other month or so. Every other month or so. Enjoy yourself. Uh he balked and accused me of acting like I don't have a family because the girls' nights are on the weekends, which is prime family time. Okay. Saturday was the second night I went out with him. The first was on Friday, months ago, when I first joined. He thinks that I quote unquote really need to think about my priorities. Because between going to my classes and planning these social events, I'm leaving my family out to dry and I'm starting to act like I'm a single woman. I honestly don't think that I'm overdoing it, but would appreciate somebody else's perspective.

SPEAKER_05 1:04:41

Girl! Hell no!

SPEAKER_02 1:04:43

Hell no! Girl, look here. He just mad because he gotta do 30 minutes of bedtime by himself. And he thinks he's he thinks he's parenting on his own all about it.

SPEAKER_05 1:04:52

The bedtime ain't the problem.

SPEAKER_01 1:04:53

Yeah, it's her having an identity.

SPEAKER_05 1:04:56

No, that ain't the problem either.

SPEAKER_01 1:04:57

That's probably the problem.

SPEAKER_05 1:04:58

The Saturdays are the problem.

unknown 1:05:00

Why?

SPEAKER_01 1:05:00

Because he wouldn't do the problem.

SPEAKER_05 1:05:02

Because it's all day.

SPEAKER_01 1:05:02

Yeah.

SPEAKER_05 1:05:03

It ain't just 30 minutes. He gotta really father.

SPEAKER_01 1:05:06

But but every other month, Maurice though?

SPEAKER_05 1:05:08

No, I don't look.

SPEAKER_01 1:05:09

Every other month. You don't get to complain every other month. You don't.

SPEAKER_05 1:05:13

You just don't. I'm with you. You don't. I'm with you. I'm gonna be petty. I would increase the Pilates classes to four times a week. To four times a week. And I will be with my girls every other week.

SPEAKER_01 1:05:25

Instead of every other month. Because that's crazy that you're gonna complain every other month.

SPEAKER_05 1:05:29

I'm gonna spend the morning on um, I'm gonna go to brunch on Sunday. Then I'll meet you at at at uh evening church.

SPEAKER_02 1:05:37

Okay. Evening church is crazy.

SPEAKER_01 1:05:40

I'ma meet you at Bible for Bible study.

SPEAKER_05 1:05:42

For for my family time.

SPEAKER_01 1:05:44

Yeah, for my family time. But I think that's crazy. Okay, so he he can do his activities that fill him up, right? And you know, as long as you're at home, just catering to the house, catering to the children, making sure he has what he needs. Everything is cool. You take a Pilates class two to three times a week. And he probably he probably was already thinking, like, okay, you already finna start getting on my nerves with that. And then now you're like, okay, because now, which is a natural progression, is it not? You start meeting people. Now you're starting to come out of your shit. You're starting to get back to who you are as a person, as an individual. And you're like, oh damn, I do enjoy going out. I can still make friends at my big grown age. I can still do things. And now he has a problem with that because you're taking time away from, but you're you're taking time to fill your own cup.

SPEAKER_05 1:06:35

Say what needs to be said.

SPEAKER_01 1:06:36

To be better for your family.

SPEAKER_05 1:06:37

Say what needs to be said.

SPEAKER_01 1:06:39

It's true. You have to fill your own cup. Him going to the gym two times a week, that helps to fill his cup. That helps to fill him up. That helps to work on. What are you talking about?

SPEAKER_05 1:06:51

Girl, fuck him.

SPEAKER_01 1:06:52

That's her husband. You know what? It's funny that you said that, Ed, because you I Pastor said spiritual warfare. And he said that can also come from your spouse. Because the devil is always working. And your spouse sometimes can be your biggest ops. If the pastor said that.

SPEAKER_05 1:07:11

Respectful. I mean, fuck him, respectfully.

SPEAKER_01 1:07:13

Uh I don't know how that works, but okay.

SPEAKER_05 1:07:16

She'll figure it out. Um figure it out. If he can't manage a couple hours every two months, the father to let you have your time, y'all gotta, y'all gonna need to go some some counseling. Because what's the issue here? I I mean, uh clearly he ain't that attached to you because he plays ball by mercy. He's gonna invite you to the gym to play ball with him.

SPEAKER_01 1:07:39

Yeah?

SPEAKER_05 1:07:39

Or hey, where grandma at?

Should She Let Her Brother Live Rent-Free?

SPEAKER_05 1:07:42

He can take the kids to grandma. I can't. Well, I no. Take out shit. Go to Plaudies four times a week.

SPEAKER_01 1:07:49

Yeah, that's what I that's what I said. Okay, let me see. Am I the jerk for refusing to give my brother my old place?

SPEAKER_05 1:07:56

Probably not. Okay.

SPEAKER_01 1:07:58

Me and my brother have always been on different paths. I've worked hard, lived well below my means for years, saved like mad, and recently I was finally able to buy a second little place, a small flat.

SPEAKER_03 1:08:09

Oh Lord.

SPEAKER_01 1:08:10

By stretching myself a fair bit and using the equity from my first home. My brother, on the other hand, has always lived for the moment. Decent enough salary, but very little to show for it. Lots of holidays, lots of takeaway, um, a lot of a lot of things just kind of messing over his money. She said, but no judgment because it's his life. He does what he wants. The plan with the new place is to rent it out modestly to help cover the mortgage and slowly build a little something for my future, since I don't have the safety net that some people have.

SPEAKER_03 1:08:39

Okay.

SPEAKER_01 1:08:40

My old place, which I still own, is being kept as my main home for now. So she basically bought it as income property. Okay. She's building for the future. The trouble started when my brother got wind of all this. He recently split with a partner and is back living with our parents while he sorts himself out, which he isn't thrilled about. He came to me a couple of weeks ago and basically asked me to let him move in to the new place. Okay. Or at least one of the flats. Ideally, my old, uh, my old one, but he wants it rent-free.

SPEAKER_05 1:09:12

Yeah, not at all.

SPEAKER_01 1:09:14

While he gets back on his feet, not for a few weeks, just, you know, until he can get back on his feet. I tried to say that I wasn't comfortable doing that, that I've worked really hard for both places, and I'm counting on the rent from the new one to cover my mortgage of the one I'm currently living in. So I can't just let him live there rent free. I offered to help him look for somewhere reasonable, even said that I put a bit towards his deposit if he found a decent rental. That's a nice sister. He says that she's being selfish because I own two places now and it's barely costing me anything. Okay. Um, and that I have forgotten where I come from. What the my mom, my mom is gently nudging me to quote unquote, just let him stay for a bit. He's your brother. My dad thinks that I've done more than enough. Um, but I do feel a little bad because he's not in a great spot, but I didn't cause it. And I set myself on fire to keep him warm. Am I the asshole for refusing? Fuck no. Fuck no, absolutely not. And shame on your mom. Shame on your mom for trying to convince you to let your brother live in a place rent-free and expecting you to cover two mortgages by yourself while he figures things out and gets it together, and he's their son. He's the he's the son.

SPEAKER_05 1:10:37

Tell your mama the same thing Major Payne told that prey lady.

SPEAKER_01 1:10:42

What?

SPEAKER_05 1:10:42

Get your titty out his mouth and let him be a man.

SPEAKER_01 1:10:46

Goodbye. Goodbye. Get your titty out of his mouth.

SPEAKER_05 1:10:52

Yeah, dad was like, we had this, we literally had this conversation. Uh, I had a coup with a group of friends over there. It's just with boys, you just have to be different because the standards are different.

SPEAKER_01 1:11:03

Yeah, the expectations are different.

SPEAKER_05 1:11:05

No one but your mama is coming to save you.

SPEAKER_01 1:11:08

And that's what she that's what she was trying to do. She was like, It's your brother, girl. Relax.

SPEAKER_05 1:11:13

Nobody but your mama.

SPEAKER_01 1:11:15

Because your daddy's gonna look you daddy in your face and say, figure that shit out. But you know what I would tell my mom? I'd be like, okay, he can come stay. You gonna pay the mortgage? Are you gonna you're gonna cover the uh the mortgage for the place? And you're gonna cover the mortgage plus an additional $200 because I need to make a profit.

SPEAKER_05 1:11:30

I'll be messy. I'll be like, you know what? Dad can stay because he can pay the rent. Bye. And let move brother in with the let him pay your rent. Bye. And then we ain't gotta worry about how I'm how I'm gonna be. Because what you're not gonna do is count my pockets because you think I'm doing better than what you is.

SPEAKER_01 1:11:44

Yeah. But like she said, I worked overtime. I lived below my means. I stretched myself thin to be able to do this. It's not like she's rolling in dough. She's made life sacrifices to be able to do this. Meanwhile, he's, you know, he's dealing with life as it comes. And that's that's okay because it's his life. But then when you run into Roblox like this, you can't expect for her to just like, like she said, set herself on fire to keep you warm. I like that by the way. I'm not gonna set myself on fire to keep you warm. Now, I am I'm gonna help you.

SPEAKER_05 1:12:15

I need to use that in this house.

SPEAKER_01 1:12:16

Okay, bye. I'm gonna help you. And like she even said, I will I will help you with the deposit. Uh-huh. I'm willing to give you money. And then I I really ain't got it like that. But I'm willing to help you in that way because you are my brother. But if I let you move into one of these houses, I am never gonna see a dime. And I know I'm not gonna see a dime. Even when you got it figured out, I'm not gonna see a dime. I'm not gonna see a dime, and then you're gonna use a squatter's rights not to leave.

Should Her Mother-in-Law Be in the Delivery Room?

SPEAKER_01 1:12:44

And then look, now we can't even come together into Thanksgiving. We ain't talking no more. Mom and dad is pissed because we don't get along anymore. Family is split all because you didn't want to pay the rent. Yeah. That's crazy work. Go ahead. Crazy. Um, let's see. This one's from a Booski. Hey, Booski. Am I the asshole for not wanting my mother-in-law in the room while I'm giving birth?

SPEAKER_02 1:13:07

No.

SPEAKER_01 1:13:07

My husband and I have been together since 15 and he was 18. We're now 25 and 28. I've always been close with his family, which includes his mother, his father, his sister, and his brother. This is our first child, and I want the support of my mother and my sister in the room with me. It's not like my child is their first grandchild. Her daughter has three kids, and her oldest son also has three kids. She saw all of her daughter's kids being born, so it's not like she's missing anything. I love her. We've always had a nice relationship. We go shopping together, talk on the phone together all the time. However, I'd like to draw the line. My husband said when the labor pains hit, I probably won't care who's in the room or not. And I should give her a chance just to be supportive. But I feel like she can cheer me on from the waiting room, or she can just wait for us to call her to give her updates. Either way, I should be able to have who I want as a part of my support team. And I just don't want to see her. I just don't want her to see me that vulnerable. And this is my husband's fault because when I was talking about creating me a support team to be in the room with me, he piped up saying, Oh yeah, mom, you need to be there too. I feel he should have uh let me steer that ship. Now she's all excited, and I have to stop her. I had to tell her, no, I've already got all this taken care of and I had taken care of him. He should have asked me before mentioning it. Then I had to apologize to her. Am I the asshole for not wanting her in my room? No, no, it's your room. We've had a we've had a similar, um, a similar like this. And no, you're not an asshole. Is that muscles in law? Is that who? Bye. No, no, you're not a little bit more. You're not, you're not an asshole. The thing about it is, no, hold on. The thing about it is, is when it comes to giving birth, and especially like with your first child, um, it's it's it's your first experience, right? And you have an idea of how you want that experience to go. You have an idea of the people that you want around. Um, it's his first child too, and I can completely understand, like that's his mom. And he probably wants to experience that with his mom next to him too. You know what I'm saying? So I'm not saying like you completely can just disregard his feelings on it. But if that's not a sticking point for him, and he supports you in not wanting to have his mother there, then I don't see why, like you, I don't think you're being an asshole. Um yes, she has been able to witness her other son and her other daughter's um birth, but this is her other son's first child. And I'm sure she wants to be present for that too. But at the end of the day, you're the one who has to be in that room and you have to focus on whatever it is you got to focus on to bring this baby into uh into the world as safely uh as possible. So if you feel like that's gonna be a really big sticking point to have her in the room, it's just the way you communicate that to her. That that's what I think. It's just the way you communicate it to her, and it is what it is. Is if you're not comfortable with her being there, you just have to have that conversation with her and say, I love you, I really do, and I know you're gonna be the best grandparent that you possibly can, but I really genuinely just would like for my sister and my mom to be there. And if your husband puts up a protest, then that's something y'all really gonna have to dive deep in. But it doesn't sound like this is like um a hill he's willing to die on, you know? It just sounds like, oh yeah, mom, you could be there too. But if if she's not there, then okay.

SPEAKER_05 1:16:53

I know I didn't care.

SPEAKER_01 1:16:54

Right. You say as long as I'm there.

SPEAKER_05 1:16:57

Well, apparently it didn't matter because when they asked me who I was, I was just him. Oh, they asked my wife, who's gonna be in the room? My um, my mom, my mother-in-law, and him. Him that's him right there. That's crazy because everything was in my name.

SPEAKER_01 1:17:12

Okay. By the place, uh the place, the place is by the place.

SPEAKER_05 1:17:16

Wow. Uh

Closing: Tell a Friend to Tell Grandma

SPEAKER_05 1:17:19

we're gonna end right here. Uh if you are not already, please. Uh well, first of all, let me say we appreciate all the new following.

SPEAKER_01 1:17:27

Look here again. Yes, we do. You guys are amazing. All the new boosties.

SPEAKER_05 1:17:30

All the new boosties on YouTube and Facebook. Yes, we love y'all.

SPEAKER_01 1:17:34

Appreciate y'all. We do. Thank you for the support.

SPEAKER_05 1:17:38

Bye. Y'all ain't been the same since the Chinese left.

SPEAKER_01 1:17:41

Okay. Goodbye. But we still love our TikTok fam as well. Oh, we love them. We just a little TikTok. Okay. Oh. We do love TikTok. Well, we don't love them, we like them. Um, but yes, so thank you to all the new uh booskies that have joined the family. Um, if you're not doing so already, uh, you probably know the spiel by now. But if you don't, if you're not doing so already, you can also follow us on all of our social media platforms at Life After I Do Podcast. Um, you can write into the podcast at LifeAfterI DoPodcast at gmail.com. You can also follow us on Patreon at Life After I Do Podcast for exclusive content and other little knick-knack surprises and stuff that will be making their way down the pipeline. Um, you get a new episode every single Wednesday. And thank you for kicking it with us, and we can't wait to catch up next week. Peace, Mooskies. Peace, no. Oh, wait, wait, wait, wait.

SPEAKER_05 1:18:34

Tell a friend.

SPEAKER_01 1:18:35

To tell a friend.

SPEAKER_05 1:18:36

To tell grandma. Because if you tell grandma, because if granny knows, everybody will. Peace, Mooskies.