Is It Cheating?

Cheating is easy to define when somebody crosses an obvious physical line. The real confusion begins when the behavior involves secret messages, private lunches, emotional support, compliments, social media likes, deleted conversations, and friendships that feel a little too personal.

In this episode, we discuss where innocent interaction ends and emotional infidelity begins, why secrecy can matter more than the behavior itself, and how couples create completely different definitions of loyalty. Nesha G and Moelethal test each other with real relationship scenarios involving DMs, front hugs, sexy selfies, hidden gifts, opposite-sex friendships, exes, workplace lunches, thirst traps, and emotional connections outside the marriage.

The conversation reveals how quickly context can change an answer and why the simplest boundary test may be asking whether you would be comfortable if your spouse did the same thing. They also revisit the difference between being right and being effective during conflict before responding to difficult Booski dilemmas involving grief, betrayal, family loyalty, sexual assault, and protecting children from toxic relatives

Transcript

Cold Open: Are Front Hugs Cheating?

SPEAKER_01 0:00

He's not. I can now, I can now, I can now DM women and I can now give front hugs.

SPEAKER_02 0:06

Okay.

SPEAKER_01 0:06

Because now apparently we're getting front hugs.

SPEAKER_02 0:09

First of all, I give side hugs, okay? Second of all, you've given me giving hugs. You've given I'm trying to tell the people you cheating. You've given hugs in the gym. You've given Marlinda a hug. Never hug Marlinda ask her. And you have hugged, you've had Jin. Ask her. You've hugged Jin before.

SPEAKER_01 0:28

Oh yeah, Jin's my favorite.

SPEAKER_02 0:30

See? Look at that. So it's not, it's not. It's not. Hey

Welcome Back to Life After I Do

SPEAKER_02 0:52

everybody, and welcome back to another weekly episode of the Life After I Do podcast. How y'all doing? How are you doing? How are you doing?

SPEAKER_03 1:04

First of all, she tried to frying chicken in the bed.

SPEAKER_02 1:08

She wasn't trying. That wasn't the same girl.

SPEAKER_01 1:10

Yes, it was.

SPEAKER_02 1:11

I don't think it was. Hey, boost! Hi, but I am trying, Dr. Now. Hey, boost, you look good. Thank you.

SPEAKER_01 1:16

I'm trying to see you trying to. What you trying to do?

SPEAKER_02 1:20

Um, lay down.

SPEAKER_01 1:21

Okay. Let's go ahead and cut this off, y'all.

SPEAKER_02 1:23

Um hurt. I'm just like, like, you know how y'all be like a little loopy, but I ain't been drinking. And I ain't taking that. I've been drinking, but I feel like uh you know? Um, but yeah, other than that, I'm pretty good. How are you?

SPEAKER_01 1:41

Just I'm riding a high right now. Oh. You told me to have good energy, so I ate something sweet.

SPEAKER_02 1:46

Okay.

SPEAKER_01 1:47

Cause I was I was motherfucking tired.

SPEAKER_02 1:49

You was what?

SPEAKER_01 1:50

I was motherfucking tired.

SPEAKER_02 1:51

We need motherfucking nap.

SPEAKER_01 1:53

Right.

SPEAKER_02 1:53

Well it's time to nap.

SPEAKER_01 1:55

Well, we we should do something before the nap.

SPEAKER_02 1:57

Uh I'm a pregame nap. Yeah. And then I'm a nap. Yeah. No, I'm a like pre-nap. Oh, and then and then I'm gonna go to sleep.

SPEAKER_01 2:04

Okay. You do it too.

SPEAKER_02 2:05

I'm a pre- you know what? I'm gonna use my nap as an appetizer before my good night's rest.

SPEAKER_01 2:12

How was your week, Booski? Let me just say, let me just tell you your hair, you you cute. Thank you.

SPEAKER_03 2:19

You cute, why? Thank you. Well, okay.

SPEAKER_01 2:22

You know what I mean? I'm trying to see what's going on down here though. Sleep. Does the carpets match the drapes?

SPEAKER_02 2:29

No. Um either. Okay, to me. Bye. Goodbye.

SPEAKER_03 2:42

How

Father’s Day and No Card

SPEAKER_03 2:43

was your week?

SPEAKER_01 2:44

Uh, you know what? It was it was it was up and down.

SPEAKER_04 2:49

Okay.

SPEAKER_01 2:50

I had a good week. Um Saturday we went to Top Golf. That was really fun. We went to celebrate cousin Venice's ninth birthday. Happy birthday, uh Venice, with your crazy self. Um my father's day was okay.

SPEAKER_02 3:04

Okay. You did what you wanted to do, be left alone and relaxed.

SPEAKER_01 3:08

And my okay. My wife delivered exactly what I wanted. I wanted red beans and rice with some cone bread. I didn't want nothing fancy. I, you know, I'm a you know, I was raised by country folks.

SPEAKER_02 3:21

I asked him if he wanted to go out.

SPEAKER_01 3:23

No, I do not. I know he didn't, but I always asked. But my heart was broken on Father's Day.

SPEAKER_02 3:29

Why?

SPEAKER_01 3:29

My heart was broken.

SPEAKER_02 3:31

Because your daughter cheated in Uno Liers?

SPEAKER_01 3:33

No.

SPEAKER_02 3:33

Oh.

SPEAKER_01 3:34

Because she didn't make me a card.

SPEAKER_02 3:36

And you know what's funny? What's funny? It's funny that you said that because I didn't even realize that because she asked me the night before. She said, Um, should I make daddy's card tonight? And I said, Yeah, you should. And then she ended up forgetting.

SPEAKER_01 3:48

Because she was on that damn screen.

SPEAKER_02 3:49

See, I could have reminded her, but she this is a lesson.

SPEAKER_01 3:52

Right.

SPEAKER_02 3:52

This is a lesson.

SPEAKER_01 3:53

I was I was talking to my uh you know, my good buddy Stutter McFly, and I said, Man, I said, I didn't even get a card, bro. He said, Well, at least you didn't get one. At least your disappointment was there. He said, I got a half-assed one that she scribbled on

Phoenix Offers Daddy’s Money

SPEAKER_01 4:08

just so that she could hand me something.

SPEAKER_02 4:11

And I said, Yeah, it's like she said, here, nigga.

SPEAKER_01 4:14

And he said, That's exactly how it felt.

SPEAKER_02 4:16

She said, Here, nigga.

SPEAKER_01 4:18

And that's exactly he said that's exactly how it felt. I'm gonna go ahead and get it, get this off. So you can't say I didn't hand you nothing. I said, I don't know what it is with these daughters. They don't they don't want to deliver, but they show two ass a lot.

SPEAKER_02 4:30

We I don't know why that just reminded me. Okay, so yesterday, remember how she's been asking to ride my bike, right? So, you know, now that she's got her confidence in riding bike, she thinks she can ride any bike. So she was like, Can I ride your bike? And I was like, Yeah, sure. So she ended up riding my bike, but she don't know how to like stop and like land on two feet or one foot, you know, so she keeps falling over. So she fell over and the chain um came off. And so, you know, the wheels was just turning. And so I was like, Oh, it's it's not a problem. I was like, This happens all the time. And she was like, Did it happen when you were a kid? And I was like, Yeah, she always asked me that. I was like, Yes, Phoenix, our our chains would pop on our bikes all the time. And then she was like, I'm so sorry if I broke your bike, mom. If I broke it, I'll just buy you a new one. And I said, You gonna buy me a new one? She was like, Yes. I said, How are you gonna buy me a new one? Um, with daddy's money, right?

SPEAKER_00 5:16

That's all I am.

SPEAKER_02 5:18

That's all I am. I said, What? She said, I'll just buy you a new one with daddy's money. I am that it's not. Yes, it is. But she but she's like, where else do you think? Like, she looked at me like, where else do you think I'm gonna get the money from? You know what? Like, that was a real dumb question, Ma.

SPEAKER_01 5:35

I wasn't, I wasn't expecting like no gifts, no nothing. I wasn't.

SPEAKER_02 5:40

That's crazy because you were like, I don't want this. I don't want to.

SPEAKER_01 5:43

All I wanted was a car for my baby. But I wanted her to make it for me. And I didn't want to ask her.

SPEAKER_02 5:47

And you know, and you know she's good for it.

SPEAKER_01 5:50

And it hurt my it really hurt. And I said, I said to myself, I said, okay, your birthday coming up.

SPEAKER_02 5:55

Okay, your birthday coming up. Your birthday coming up.

SPEAKER_01 6:00

And then I thought about it, I said, I didn't get no car because she said she didn't get no TV.

SPEAKER_02 6:03

Which she was talking about again to her cousin. She was on Space Time with Gabby, and she said, she said it so I could hear her. She was like, I still haven't got my TV that my daddy said he was gonna hang up.

SPEAKER_01 6:19

I said, I told her that she might get a TV for Christmas. That's the one thing she didn't get for Christmas, and she will not let you know.

SPEAKER_02 6:26

You shouldn't have you shouldn't have told her. You were like, Yeah, I'm thinking about replacing.

SPEAKER_01 6:29

Well, I didn't get a card, so it is what it is.

SPEAKER_02 6:32

I'm gonna tell, I'm gonna tell her, I'm gonna say, um, do with this information what you will. But daddy says he was really heartbroken that you didn't make him a Father's Day card. I don't care. And she is gonna care. And she's you know, she's gonna say, she's gonna say, I forgot. And then she's gonna say, Why didn't you remind me?

SPEAKER_01 6:47

Oh, okay. Because we did see how quickly she turned on you.

SPEAKER_02 6:51

Right. You see how she you see how she played us though? She tried to play us. That's what she does.

SPEAKER_01 6:57

She quickly turned on you when we were playing.

SPEAKER_02 6:59

Oh, that's come, that's real strong coming from somebody who that's rich for coming from somebody who's gonna need a color buddy tonight when they get sleepy. That's real rich.

SPEAKER_01 7:07

How was your week, Wooski?

SPEAKER_02 7:08

My week was good.

SPEAKER_01 7:10

Come on, because you were strong this week. Go ahead.

SPEAKER_02 7:12

Go ahead, go ahead, because you were strong, girl. You were strong. We hit 215 on Mitch. Okay. Hey, felt pretty good.

SPEAKER_01 7:22

Now that you hit 215, you can't, you you don't want to see one nothing.

Nesha Hits 215 on Bench

SPEAKER_02 7:26

That's crazy because I did all my volume today in ones.

SPEAKER_01 7:29

One 200 or nothing.

SPEAKER_02 7:31

No, I did um, I worked up to I just did sets of 198 today.

SPEAKER_01 7:35

Okay, you know what? That's we're gonna go in here. You backtracker.

SPEAKER_02 7:39

Okay, bye. But yeah, I hit 215 on bench. I'm really, really, really excited about that.

SPEAKER_01 7:44

You know who was not excited? Who? The little boy next to you.

SPEAKER_02 7:50

Bye. No, it was the it was the guy when on um, what was it on Saturday? I was deadlifting, and you know how you could see people at the corner of your eye. And I legit, he was setting up, he was doing his thing, about to do his thing, and I just, you know, I was finishing my set and I caught him out the corner of my eye because I was making sure my camera was like, you know, facing me. Right. And he like was on the bar and then he stopped and he's like holding on to the bar and he like looks and he literally racks the bar and he just moved. And I was like, oh, okay, like maybe he's done. And he went to the platform that was all the way at the end. And I was like, do I stink? Like, what's the what's the problem? Why, why you don't want to be next to me? But um, yeah, so you were embarrassing him. No, it's it's only because we're in a commercial gym. It's not that impressive in a lifting gym.

SPEAKER_01 8:39

I thought, I told, wait, I told somebody that I said I'm strong in the commercial gym, yeah. In the lifting gym, they'd be like, Yes, it's hard. In the power lifting gym, they'll be like, you need some help.

SPEAKER_02 8:52

Yeah. In the power lifting gym, they'd be like, oh, okay, you warming up? No, baby. That was the set.

SPEAKER_03 8:59

I'm done. This is it.

SPEAKER_02 9:00

That's all I got for today, actually. That was my top single.

SPEAKER_01 9:07

On Sunday, the guy was using the leg press, and he was like, and I said, Oh, I mean, I said, let me get that when you're done. He was like, Oh, okay, okay. You need me take the weight off? I said, No. I didn't.

Gym Pride and Too Much Testosterone

SPEAKER_02 9:17

I know you're okay.

SPEAKER_01 9:18

But I waited for him to walk away and I took some weight off.

SPEAKER_02 9:20

Okay. Wow. The ego.

SPEAKER_01 9:22

I was doing casts.

SPEAKER_02 9:23

It's the ego, though. But you're not finna. What is going to be? Me and in the gym and y'all ego and y'all pride. Oh my gosh. Okay, so then that reminds me. So me and my um my gym daughter, Marlene, we go to do our uh lateral raises.

SPEAKER_01 9:39

Don't say her name aloud.

SPEAKER_02 9:40

Okay, whatever. I love her. Hey, hey, Marlene. She's my new employee. We go to uh we were working triceps. And so she was like, I'll be back. I'm gonna go to the bathroom. I said, okay. And the three men that like I'm surrounded by are all like Yeah, go ahead and tell them about this. Okay, goodbye. They're all like, like, like yard working out, you know, like they're like in the prison yard. Yeah, like the workouts that they're doing. Then there's the grunting, and then like they're like in their wife beaters and just like creased up pants or and sweats and stuff. And I was sitting there and I was like, I'm just trying to do my triceps. But I had one in the front, one in the back, and one on the side.

SPEAKER_01 10:17

Why'd you notice that they they they they sweats was creased up?

SPEAKER_02 10:20

Because I notice people. I keep track of the people. You told me to be observant when I'm not when you're not with me. Okay, by the mail. Anywho, I was like, I told her when she came back, I said, dude, there's so much like happening around me because they were just all like men. I said, I feel like I can feel like just the testosterone just in this area. Because she walked back in and she was like, oh my gosh. She looked around and I said, I know it's maybe, maybe we should go to a different station. First of all, I don't feel like we're strong enough to be here because I mean, they putting in work, and here we are. I put my little 17 and a half pounds on there to do my so now, so now you understand when I say it's too many ovaries in here for me.

SPEAKER_01 11:04

When I look you dead in your face saying, I'm at my ovary limit.

SPEAKER_02 11:07

I said ovary limit. I was at my testosterone limit. I was like, oh, uh, there's there's a lot of man happening. That's what I told her. I said there's a lot of man happening in this particular.

SPEAKER_01 11:19

And then you had her, she's a little man.

SPEAKER_02 11:21

But the crazy part is, is like right after that, both of us was like, we just need to go harder. And then as we did, one of the guys, he's so he's nice. We've he's been in the gym with us for like the past couple of years. He saw us doing uh triceps, and he came over and he was like, excuse me, super nice. And we were like, Yeah, and he was like, Um, I noticed that you guys are working triceps. He was like, if I could just give you a little bit of feedback, like, you know, so that you can get a well-rounded. I don't know, but we sat there with our hands folded and we were like, like we were in class.

SPEAKER_01 11:53

Like, like, like, like good little pearls.

SPEAKER_02 11:55

Yeah, we did. Like, shut up, Maurice. Like good little pearls. Shut the hell up. I could have called you handmase when I called you pearls. You sat there like good little pearls. Well, we did. Yes, Commander. We were sitting there looking and we were like, okay. And then he's like, and you want to do it this way, because in that way you're gonna hit this top part. And we were like this, okay. I told him I said, I said, thank you for the uh thank you for the advice, though.

SPEAKER_01 12:24

Wait a minute. Do not be hitting me with your strong ass hands. Your hands are strong now. You put your hands on me, I fucking I gotta defend myself.

SPEAKER_03 12:31

You're being very dramatic, but okay.

SPEAKER_01 12:33

What we got today, Buski?

SPEAKER_02 12:35

Um,

Is It Cheating?

SPEAKER_02 12:36

is it cheating?

SPEAKER_01 12:37

It's probably not. I'm gonna probably say no, but you're gonna say yes.

SPEAKER_02 12:40

What do you mean?

SPEAKER_01 12:41

I feel like every time we talk about this, you just try and see how far you can push it.

SPEAKER_02 12:44

No, we haven't talked about that before. We have. Are you talking about like just in conversation about certain things?

SPEAKER_01 12:50

I'm pretty sure we got episode.

SPEAKER_02 12:51

Because, no.

SPEAKER_01 12:52

We're gonna do it.

SPEAKER_02 12:53

Come on.

SPEAKER_01 12:54

So is it cheating?

SPEAKER_02 12:55

Yeah, is it cheating? Most likely. I I say this because we were having um, it

DMs, Front Hugs, and Gym Friends

SPEAKER_02 13:01

wasn't a debate or a discussion. We were just having, I guess, like a discussion about one of the our gym friends had uh messaged me on Instagram, and then you were like, oh, so now you're getting DMs from from the men. I was like, I was like, it wasn't like that. Wait, wait, I wasn't hiding anything.

SPEAKER_01 13:20

No, my wife has informed wait, hold on, guys. Breaking news.

SPEAKER_02 13:23

Okay.

SPEAKER_01 13:24

Breaking news by my wife has uh informed me that I can now DN women DM women.

SPEAKER_02 13:30

You do, you and Marlena DM all the time on Instagram.

SPEAKER_01 13:34

That's a that's a little bit.

SPEAKER_02 13:35

No, uh, no, it doesn't, okay, and it's my big bro.

SPEAKER_01 13:38

I he not. I can now I can now I can now DM women and I can now give front hugs.

SPEAKER_02 13:45

Okay.

SPEAKER_01 13:46

Because now apparently we getting front hugs.

SPEAKER_02 13:48

First of all, I give side hugs, okay? Second of all, you give me giving hugs, you give you a few. You've given you trying to tell the people you cheating. You've given hugs in the gym. You've given Marlinda a hug. Ask her. And you have hugged, you've had Jen. Ask her. You've hugged Jen before. Oh, yeah, Jin's my favorite. See? Look at that. So it's not, it's not. It's not. So don't be trying to make a don't be trying to make something out of that.

SPEAKER_01 14:16

Jin is the only one I've hugged.

SPEAKER_02 14:17

Okay, no, and well. She's a woman.

SPEAKER_01 14:21

I take that back. I've I've also I've hugged Angel too.

SPEAKER_02 14:24

Again, a woman. And she's married.

SPEAKER_01 14:26

But I've been at her house.

SPEAKER_02 14:27

She's married. And she's cooked for you.

SPEAKER_01 14:30

Yes, she has.

SPEAKER_02 14:31

See? And you ate it.

SPEAKER_01 14:32

And I've cooked for her. See.

SPEAKER_02 14:34

See? Look at that.

SPEAKER_01 14:35

And you've done the same for her husband as well. No, I haven't.

SPEAKER_02 14:39

No, I haven't. We're gonna be there this week. I've never cooked for her husband. The kids are hanging out again this week. What are you talking about? I've never cooked for her, man. I've cooked for the group in which he partakes. Okay. Well, the same thing for her. Amongst the group. Same thing for her.

SPEAKER_01 14:52

She cooks, she cooks for everybody. I just wanted eight.

SPEAKER_02 14:55

Okay. So let's see. I'm I'm gonna ask you a question, and you ask me a question, and then we will discuss if we constitute that as cheating. Now remind me.

SPEAKER_01 15:05

Wait, let me ask you a question now. Are we having fun today? Are we getting serious?

SPEAKER_02 15:09

I mean, I want your I want your honest reaction. Okay, because if I get too much, and then just for the record, if I get too serious, I might just for the record, because apparently some people still don't know, and some people, there's a lot of new people here, and we love y'all. Uh we are in fact married. He is not my brother. He is not someone that I just do a podcast with. Um, I've been sleeping with him for the past 22 years. This is my legal. This is also important because got that too. This is my legal husband.

SPEAKER_01 15:43

We got paperwork.

SPEAKER_02 15:44

We got paper, like, you know what?

SPEAKER_01 15:45

Hold on. It's not it's it's it's uh what what what I was saying? It's uh it's been more than 20 years. Uh we we've been dating since oh wait, oh two. Okay, we did it on three.

SPEAKER_02 15:55

Okay, bye Maurice. 23 years. Okay, no.

SPEAKER_01 15:59

You've been sitting with me for 23 years.

SPEAKER_02 16:00

20 years.

SPEAKER_01 16:01

23 years. Um, okay, so I'll go on every second.

SPEAKER_02 16:05

I'll I'll go and then I'll then you can go.

SPEAKER_01 16:07

You always go first. All right. You're quick with it, too.

SPEAKER_02 16:10

Um if

Liking Sexy Selfies

SPEAKER_02 16:11

a married man is regularly liking another woman's sexy selfies. Okay, is that cheating? Sexy selfies.

SPEAKER_01 16:21

You what you gotta find what sexy is.

SPEAKER_02 16:22

Okay, um, her taking a selfie in her brawn panties. Um, I mean after getting a fresh blowout.

SPEAKER_01 16:29

I don't know what that is. Hairdo. Okay. Um, I mean, it could be. I don't know. I don't know.

SPEAKER_02 16:34

Okay, see now I feel like this is what you finna play. You finna try to play the gray. I mean you're gonna try to play the gray. Okay, put yourself in that situation. I wouldn't like that. If you received a photo or if you're on social media and you're sitting there liking this one particular female's uh feed, and most of her feed is her in bra and panties or lingerie like or bikini, and you're constantly liking.

SPEAKER_01 16:59

Let me answer, let me answer the question. Okay. In a woman's eyes, that's probably cheating.

SPEAKER_02 17:04

Okay, no, if that's not, that's how we're not doing this today. In a woman's eyes, that's probably cheating.

SPEAKER_01 17:10

If if the man is too invested in these pictures, he could be, he could possibly be emotionally cheating, but I'm gonna say no.

SPEAKER_02 17:17

But again, like if he just if she just came across news feet like one time and he liked it.

SPEAKER_01 17:21

If he liked it, it was cheating.

SPEAKER_02 17:22

Okay, that's okay. But what if he like follows her and he's like that he goes to her profile and he's like scrolling through her profile and like liking that stalker shit. Okay, but is it cheating?

SPEAKER_01 17:34

Um, I'm gonna say no. Okay, because there's no contact there. Okay. I mean, I don't do shit like that. But I mean, but again, it depends on what the parameter of your relationship is.

SPEAKER_02 17:42

I mean, because previously, I don't know, like for the the people who have been here, yeah, we had a discussion that you had told me you told me I could kiss somebody else as long as I don't use tongue. Now I was like, he said he said once I use tongue, that constitutes cheating. I said, So I can make out with somebody as long as we're not using tongue. You told me that.

SPEAKER_01 18:04

I was I was joking.

SPEAKER_02 18:05

Okay.

SPEAKER_01 18:06

Is a if a married woman is texting another man all day.

SPEAKER_02 18:10

Define all day.

SPEAKER_01 18:11

And even if it's just talking, is that cheating?

SPEAKER_02 18:14

If even if it's just talking, I'm gonna say no.

SPEAKER_01 18:16

That's cheating because you're you're cultivating a relationship. That's cheating.

SPEAKER_02 18:20

But what if you're a cultivating relationship? Okay, but I think what we're talking about is also important. Why do you get quiet?

SPEAKER_01 18:29

Who in the gray now?

Texting Another Man All Day

SPEAKER_02 18:31

Who in the gray now? I didn't say it's the gray. I said it wasn't cheating. Okay.

SPEAKER_01 18:36

All right. I'll see how this works.

SPEAKER_02 18:38

But now I see that you you constituted as cheating, so I'll be mindful of that.

SPEAKER_01 18:42

You already do it.

SPEAKER_02 18:43

Okay. Who do I what other views do I text?

SPEAKER_01 18:45

You text my brother all day.

SPEAKER_02 18:46

First of all, I don't text your brother all day. We do not text all day. What the hell was that? Really your brother?

SPEAKER_01 18:52

Me and my bill, we be locked in.

SPEAKER_02 18:54

That's my bill. Oh my god. I did talk to him this morning. He called me this morning. That's my bill. What? It's your brother. This ain't no soap opera. Like, it's your brother. You can't look at your brother that way? That's crazy.

SPEAKER_01 19:08

I mean, we all look good. My mama didn't miss. Okay. My mama didn't miss. You know what I'm saying?

SPEAKER_02 19:16

It would be your dad who would probably say he didn't miss.

SPEAKER_01 19:19

No, that nigga missed a lot.

unknown 19:21

Okay.

Deleting Messages From Your Spouse

SPEAKER_02 19:27

Um, if he deletes messages from a female friend so his wife won't get upset, is that cheating or just hiding? I think that's being considered.

SPEAKER_01 19:39

Neither. No joking. I am. I don't think it's neither.

SPEAKER_02 19:41

Okay, what is it?

SPEAKER_01 19:42

I think it's neither. Because if somebody, if somebody texts me some shit is out of pocket and I don't want to bring it to you, and I don't want to, and I don't want no issues, I'm gonna just delete that shit and go on by my guy.

SPEAKER_02 19:52

Okay, but why wouldn't you bring it to me? Because then what if I found out you deleted it and it was like some hot topic shit, and now I'm looking at you like, why you delete it? Why didn't you just tell me?

SPEAKER_01 20:00

Because I don't want the problems, I don't want the stress.

SPEAKER_02 20:03

But now it is a problem because I found out you deleted it.

SPEAKER_03 20:06

How do you find out? She must have told you. Or you can't see it in my phone. Or I went through your phone and I went to deleted messages. How you know I don't know how to hack it? You can't even find deleted messages. You can't even find your pictures you delete.

SPEAKER_01 20:18

Ow, I'm stuck. Oh my god. Stop doing that to yourself. You can't even find the picture you delete.

SPEAKER_02 20:24

I you don't know. I might develop hacker skills overnight.

SPEAKER_01 20:28

Well, please do. Hack into uh uh uh uh uh uh Molita or and and and nail net.

SPEAKER_02 20:35

Okay. Goodbye.

SPEAKER_01 20:37

Help me out.

SPEAKER_02 20:38

Okay, go if she's entertaining this reminded me though. I yeah, go ahead.

SPEAKER_01 20:43

Wow. If she's entertaining compliments from an ex, is that cheating? No.

SPEAKER_02 20:47

Because what do you mean by entertaining?

SPEAKER_01 20:49

What does that mean? You're feeding back into the case.

SPEAKER_02 20:51

No, but what do you mean? What is entertaining? Give me your definition of entertaining the compliment.

SPEAKER_01 20:54

Oh, you look good today. Oh, thank you. Or you get that from. Is that entertaining? Yes, and you're now you're and you're further on the conversation.

SPEAKER_02 21:00

Okay, so when I was at the gym the other day, and I got a I got no, but I got a compliment from a man about my hair. Was that me entertaining because I told him thank you?

SPEAKER_01 21:08

Did he keep talking? Yes. Did he keep talking back?

SPEAKER_02 21:11

That wasn't entertaining the compliment, though. You were entertaining him. Cheating.

SPEAKER_00 21:16

Oh my god.

SPEAKER_02 21:20

Cheating. No.

SPEAKER_01 21:22

And no, and ain't no man, ain't no man need to get to know you at the gym. All he need to know is that you're strong and then move his ass along.

SPEAKER_02 21:29

But he also asked about you.

SPEAKER_01 21:30

What man was this?

SPEAKER_02 21:31

He asked about you. He was like, Where's your husband? He knows that I'm married. Everybody knows that I'm married.

SPEAKER_01 21:37

That's because I let him know.

SPEAKER_02 21:39

Okay.

SPEAKER_01 21:40

Look here.

SPEAKER_02 21:41

And if they don't know, I let them know.

SPEAKER_01 21:43

I also wear my my ring. I don't care how strong you are. I'm gonna wait till you got some weight on that bar and sit on it. Who? Oh no, sit on the bar.

SPEAKER_02 21:52

Me?

SPEAKER_01 21:52

No, whatever whoever man talking to you.

SPEAKER_02 21:54

Okay, by the man.

SPEAKER_01 21:55

Now you gotta pick that weight up and I know you can't do both.

SPEAKER_02 21:58

Okay. If he calls. Who calls another woman beautiful in her DMs? Is that cheaty? Absolutely.

SPEAKER_03 22:03

Yes.

SPEAKER_02 22:03

Why are you DMB? That just made me dizzy.

SPEAKER_01 22:07

Okay.

SPEAKER_02 22:07

Absolutely.

SPEAKER_01 22:08

Wait. Oh. What if it's what if it's uh uh someone y'all both know?

SPEAKER_02 22:14

Okay, in what cab what capacity though? What what if it's like like what if it's like a special event and you're like, oh, you looked beautiful that day?

SPEAKER_01 22:22

Example Angel.

SPEAKER_02 22:23

Angel's that would be perfectly fine. I know, but that would be fine. I wouldn't take offense to you telling her she looks beautiful because she did look beautiful.

SPEAKER_01 22:30

What if your sister's your sister?

SPEAKER_02 22:32

I would be surprised that you said it.

SPEAKER_01 22:33

My no, my favorite sister, not the other one.

SPEAKER_02 22:35

Okay, bye, Damail.

SPEAKER_01 22:37

My favorite.

SPEAKER_02 22:38

Bye. I wouldn't have a problem with you telling my sister she's beautiful.

SPEAKER_01 22:41

Malia.

SPEAKER_02 22:42

Bye. I wouldn't have a problem with you telling my sister she's beautiful because I tell your other sister. I like to think that I wouldn't be in a soap opera where you would get down with my sister.

SPEAKER_01 22:49

I would tell your other sister that she needs to smile. Because she'd be walking around with resting bitch face all the time. I can't. And I said, This is why you're single.

SPEAKER_02 22:57

They like it. Apparently not. Bye.

SPEAKER_01 23:00

She ain't getting the right one. Um, if she posts thirst chats mainly for male attention, is that disrespectful or cheating? That's disrespectful. It's very disrespectful.

SPEAKER_02 23:10

It's very disrespectful.

SPEAKER_01 23:11

I like me a modest one.

SPEAKER_02 23:12

But what constitutes a thirst trap?

SPEAKER_01 23:17

You know. I don't. When you're titty, when you're showing your titties and you when you're trying to show off your figure.

SPEAKER_02 23:21

Okay, I have I have videos where I have like a sports bra on.

SPEAKER_01 23:25

But you in the gym. You showing, you're showing your games. That's different.

SPEAKER_02 23:28

Okay.

SPEAKER_01 23:28

You're not trying to sell sex, you're trying to show off your games.

SPEAKER_02 23:31

Oh.

SPEAKER_01 23:31

There's a difference.

SPEAKER_02 23:32

No, I thought it's because I I felt cute that day. And so you and you look good.

SPEAKER_01 23:37

Okay. And you look better when I took up my clothes off.

SPEAKER_02 23:39

All right. And we're moving on. Um, if he's venting to another woman about his problems and his marriage, is that cheating? Borderline. I feel like that's on the path. Yeah. That's on the path.

SPEAKER_01 23:50

Because you're giving her the playbook.

SPEAKER_02 23:52

Yeah. And not only that, you're painting your wife in such a horrible light.

SPEAKER_01 23:57

As far as people know, you are perfect.

Venting About Your Marriage to Someone Else

SPEAKER_02 23:59

They'll never know, they'll never know anything about it.

SPEAKER_01 24:01

Except for my brother know you're not perfect. I tell him everything.

SPEAKER_02 24:05

I tell my sister all the shit I don't like about you.

SPEAKER_01 24:08

Um, you know, she don't like me anyway. I don't give a damn. She loves you. If she's accepting uh money, gifts, or favors from a man and hiding it. Is that cheating?

unknown 24:17

Oh yeah.

SPEAKER_01 24:18

Uh-huh. So go ahead and tell him. So go ahead and tell them about how you're doing it.

SPEAKER_02 24:21

But like it. You didn't accept money and gifts.

SPEAKER_01 24:24

Go ahead and tell him how you took the iPad, the iPod shot.

SPEAKER_02 24:27

Oh my, first of all, that was before we were married. So that don't even count. We were still in a relationship. I know, but we weren't married. Okay, so

The Free iPod Shuffle Story

SPEAKER_02 24:36

he got it for free. So it's not like he bought it. He got the iPod sweep.

SPEAKER_01 24:40

Wait, he got what for free.

SPEAKER_02 24:40

He got the iPod shuffle for free. So he gave it to me.

SPEAKER_01 24:43

Verify, because it's not like you're out here handing out the vagina for free.

SPEAKER_02 24:46

Okay. Anyway, that's how old this was. If y'all remember iPod shuffles, okay? He's talking about a situation where he had a roommate, okay? And his roommate and I, uh, or his roommate had like took me out to lunch one day.

SPEAKER_01 25:00

Y'all went on a whole date.

SPEAKER_02 25:01

Just like when you and Ashley went on a whole date. Don't cut you. Yeah, you did it. You went to lunch in a movie. That's a date. I hung out with my friend. That exit, and I hung out with your friend too. So he we went to lunch and then we went to um, we went to um, where did we go? I think it was like T-Mobile or something. But anyway, when you got a new phone, you got an iPod shuffle for free. And so he had got a free iPod shuffle, and he gave me the iPod shuffle. And so he was like, oh, so you're going out on dates with my roommate now? And I'm like, no, but I did get a free meal and a free iPod shuffle. Like, right? Why are you not happy for me?

SPEAKER_01 25:39

Cheater.

SPEAKER_02 25:39

I had a fun free day. That's crazy.

SPEAKER_01 25:42

Because we I see this for the end early. Because you find a new way to piss me off.

SPEAKER_02 25:48

Um, let's see. If he lies about who he's texting because it's quote unquote not a big deal, does the lie make it cheating?

SPEAKER_01 25:57

No, get out of my goddamn business. No. I might be texting something you don't need to know about because maybe it's for you. How about that? I don't think circumstances matter.

SPEAKER_03 26:05

I don't think okay.

SPEAKER_01 26:06

Context matters.

SPEAKER_03 26:08

Okay. That's how he wants to play this. Uh okay.

SPEAKER_01 26:11

If she meets up with a man 101 and does and doesn't mention it to her husband.

SPEAKER_02 26:16

Cheating.

SPEAKER_01 26:17

No. Okay. I don't have to finish it. Okay, so when you went to your daddy's house, okay, Maurice. Without me.

SPEAKER_02 26:22

Really, Maurice? My daddy.

SPEAKER_01 26:23

You went to a man, it's a man.

SPEAKER_02 26:25

It's the man that half created me.

SPEAKER_01 26:27

Hey, it it said man.

SPEAKER_02 26:29

Okay.

SPEAKER_01 26:30

I'm trying to show you how there's gray areas in all of this.

SPEAKER_02 26:32

Okay.

SPEAKER_01 26:33

Now, what if you went to the pastor?

SPEAKER_03 26:35

Goodbye.

SPEAKER_01 26:36

And he was you were just trying to get a prayer or a word.

SPEAKER_02 26:39

Okay, goodbye. See?

SPEAKER_01 26:41

The context matters.

SPEAKER_02 26:43

Yeah, but that would be cheating because there is no there's no reason why I would be meeting up with another man. I'm not denying that. Okay, so you agree. Um,

One-on-One Lunch With a Coworker

SPEAKER_02 26:51

let's see. Uh, if he goes to lunch one-on-one with a woman from work and never mentions it to you, is that cheating? No. Why the hell are you going one-on-one with a female from work? She could. I would have a problem with that.

SPEAKER_03 27:04

Y'all y'all had lunches at the same time.

SPEAKER_02 27:05

I would have a problem with that. Y'all had lunches at the same time. I would have a problem with that.

SPEAKER_01 27:09

What if he went there and she drove her and they drove, they took separate cars, they didn't know it was a good thing.

SPEAKER_02 27:13

Don't sit with the bitch. Don't talk to her. You're not on the clock. What you gotta talk to her for? What about it?

SPEAKER_01 27:19

Well, why she gotta be a bitch?

SPEAKER_02 27:20

Because I don't know her right now. Okay. Um, and she's hypothetical. You wow. She's hypothetical. You wow. Uh, so even if you drove two different cars and y'all so happen to be at the same place, you avoid her like the damn plague. I'm not gonna avoid somebody. If there is not another person there, you avoid her like the plague.

SPEAKER_01 27:37

Okay, babe. I'm not gonna fight you on this.

SPEAKER_02 27:40

You avoid her like the plague. There's no reason. Y'all, y'all probably talk at work. You don't need to talk off the clock. You're probably obligated to have to talk to her when you're on the clock. So you don't have to talk to her off the clock, especially if it's one-on-one. You avoid her like the plague.

SPEAKER_01 27:53

Baby, I'm not gonna fight you on this.

SPEAKER_02 27:54

Okay, it's cheating. Is it my turn or your turn? I said what I said.

SPEAKER_01 27:57

Is it my turn or your turn? I forgot.

SPEAKER_02 27:59

Um, I'll go. Um, if he shares inside jokes and daily check-ins with another woman, is that crossing the line?

SPEAKER_01 28:09

No, it's not. It's not because the inside jokes are they obviously they've they have some common space because you have to have some some common.

SPEAKER_02 28:17

Why do you have a common space like that?

SPEAKER_01 28:20

Because it could be from work, it could be a friend group, it could be something. Okay.

SPEAKER_02 28:26

Like, like you don't like it though, because I had a com I have a common space with people.

SPEAKER_01 28:32

Okay.

SPEAKER_02 28:32

I think it's you say you don't like it.

SPEAKER_01 28:34

I said uh just because I like it, I mean I is I mean it's cheating.

SPEAKER_02 28:38

It says crossing the line.

SPEAKER_01 28:39

I don't think it's cross, it's an inside joke. If something happened, I wasn't there. Now y'all joke about it. Hurrah, hurrah. He just better not be making fun of you while I got something for his ass.

SPEAKER_02 28:48

You heard that, right?

SPEAKER_01 28:48

Like, like old boy said it's gonna be a sexy sexy red song around here. Bah bah. Okay.

SPEAKER_02 28:54

So it's not crossing the line. Okay.

SPEAKER_01 28:56

Because, like, um, let me see. Like with the other podcasts, there's inside jokes with the female member or an ex-member over there that you don't that that you wouldn't get because you weren't around when that happened. So between the four of us, I said that's an inside joke.

SPEAKER_03 29:14

Okay.

SPEAKER_02 29:15

I mean, come on. But daily check-ins. Y'all don't do daily check-ins with the inside jokes, so it's fine. I mean, we've got to be a good one. We said daily check-ins. But it is but it okay, that's not that's what it is.

SPEAKER_01 29:25

I don't I don't text no woman directly. I'm married. I'm I text my mama through your phone. Go fee. I mean, fee. Damn, you missed my baby, don't you? I miss my baby. She better be. If she says another man uh gives her something emotionally, wait, what? If she says another man gives her something emotionally, she cheats.

SPEAKER_02 29:44

She didn't already cheat. She didn't already cheat it.

SPEAKER_01 29:46

Is this the start of cheating?

SPEAKER_02 29:47

She knows she not already did it.

SPEAKER_01 29:49

Ah okay. Okay.

SPEAKER_02 29:52

She just in phase one of it.

SPEAKER_01 29:53

Okay. So when that man handed you that clip for the board the other day, that was phase one of you cheating. See how context matters?

SPEAKER_02 29:59

He didn't do anything for me emotionally that you don't do.

SPEAKER_01 30:04

You see how you shot?

SPEAKER_02 30:05

That doesn't even make sense. You're such a fool. Yeah, the context matters. That wasn't context, Damel.

unknown 30:13

Context matter.

SPEAKER_02 30:14

That wasn't context.

SPEAKER_01 30:15

I don't get I do get you pointers on your lips. I can't even use that example. Go ahead, everyone.

SPEAKER_02 30:21

You said keep the energy high and good, but um,

Looking Up People From Your Past

SPEAKER_02 30:25

if he's searching up women from his past just to see what they're up to, is that harmless or is it cheating like behavior? I think it's cheating like behavior.

SPEAKER_04 30:35

I think it's harmless.

SPEAKER_02 30:36

I think what the hell are you looking up women from our passport? But what what what is spiking the curiosity? You want to see how their life turned out. Okay, absolutely not. I do.

SPEAKER_01 30:46

It's only something wrong if you if you contact them.

SPEAKER_03 30:48

I do.

SPEAKER_02 30:49

But if you're already if you're already in the first phase of looking them up.

SPEAKER_01 30:52

So you mean to tell me you ain't never put nobody naming on the book to see if they gotta Who would I look up, Maurice?

SPEAKER_02 30:58

I don't know. You're my first real boyfriend. So who would I look up?

SPEAKER_01 31:03

Somebody you went to school with, somebody you used to work with.

SPEAKER_02 31:05

We all follow each other from high school already. There's literally a group, it's called Granite Hills High School class. I'm not gonna say what class I'm in, but that class.

SPEAKER_01 31:15

Okay.

SPEAKER_02 31:16

But I just gave them a high school. But yeah.

SPEAKER_01 31:17

Not everybody's in that group.

SPEAKER_02 31:19

Okay. Well, enough people. And the and the people I do, the people I do, I already follow them on Facebook, and we all know what we do now. We all know what families we got, and none of us really could care less.

SPEAKER_01 31:29

Who you played travel ball with?

SPEAKER_02 31:31

We already follow each other on Facebook.

SPEAKER_01 31:32

I mean, there's situations.

SPEAKER_02 31:33

There is nobody that I have gone to look up. Like, literally.

SPEAKER_01 31:37

What about Lucy?

SPEAKER_02 31:38

Who?

SPEAKER_01 31:39

Lucy. From Starbucks.

SPEAKER_02 31:41

No. Why would I? Oh no. Okay, that's what I'm saying. I'm just giving examples why. Oh, no. You didn't give me an example why?

SPEAKER_01 31:51

Everything's not done with ill intention. You're answering these things like everything is done with ill intention. Sometimes people just be curious.

SPEAKER_03 31:59

Curiosity.

SPEAKER_01 32:00

I want to know what big head up to. See how her life turned out too. I knew I knew she had 17,000 kids by now. I was right. Now I gotta go collect my money from the bet I made. Sometimes you gotta do your research. Damnel Reed. It's on you. I just read one. My goodness. Now what?

SPEAKER_02 32:16

If he gets emotionally excited by attention from another woman and hides it, is that cheating?

SPEAKER_01 32:22

No, that's not cheating.

SPEAKER_02 32:24

No, it's not cheating.

SPEAKER_01 32:25

That's not cheating. That's not.

SPEAKER_02 32:26

Because sometimes it kind of hypes you up to get a compliment from the opposite sex, right?

SPEAKER_01 32:32

Let me tell you today. I had a crazy lady throw a rock at me today.

SPEAKER_02 32:36

Why did a lady throw a rock at you today, baby? What'd you do?

SPEAKER_01 32:39

She was high and everybody was uh and everybody was uh ignoring her, and so she got mad. And so she walked right up to me close to the day, and I walked right around her ass and kept going, and she threw a rock at me. And so at the back of your head? No, it's my feet and my legs, and then um, so the guy, the guy I was with, uh Austin, he was like, now you have to tell your wife that a woman hit on you today.

SPEAKER_00 33:01

I said, the crazy lady, the one that's high, the one that's digging through the trash can right now.

SPEAKER_01 33:10

Girl, you know, people strung out. Times are rough.

SPEAKER_02 33:14

Shouldn't they? People are strung out. Times times rough.

SPEAKER_01 33:18

I walked around that lady and I just knocked, climbed that mountain, save my marriage.

SPEAKER_02 33:21

And she took that rock and she said, You motherfucker.

SPEAKER_01 33:24

Right.

SPEAKER_02 33:25

You knew I was finna ask you for a couple of Dallas.

SPEAKER_01 33:28

If she says he's harmless, that's a red flag. But keeps him around because he likes being desired. Is that crossing a line?

SPEAKER_02 33:38

It's crossing the line, and he's not around.

SPEAKER_01 33:39

So let's talk about your gym bros.

SPEAKER_02 33:41

Oh my gosh, what do you mean?

SPEAKER_01 33:44

You keep your gym bros.

SPEAKER_02 33:46

They're harmless.

SPEAKER_01 33:46

You keep your gym bros around.

SPEAKER_02 33:48

I don't keep anybody around. I was like, these, I can't control where people go.

SPEAKER_01 33:53

Oh, wow. Well, they're following that ass.

SPEAKER_02 33:55

No, they're not. They're going to get their workout done.

SPEAKER_01 33:57

Because you can't miss it.

SPEAKER_02 33:59

They go to get their workout done.

SPEAKER_01 34:00

They'd be following that ass and they'd be like, there it go. There it goes right there. Oh shit. There it is. I'm not doing this with you. There it is, right there.

SPEAKER_02 34:08

Um, if he would be mad if his wife did the exact same thing.

SPEAKER_01 34:13

He's cheating.

SPEAKER_02 34:14

Does that automatically make it cheating?

SPEAKER_00 34:16

He's cheating.

SPEAKER_01 34:17

What's good for the goose is good for the gander.

SPEAKER_02 34:21

That's what I always say. Like, if you have to sit there and question yourself or think about if you would be okay if your partner did that, chances are you shouldn't be doing it if you wouldn't want them doing it. Uh go ahead. We'll do a couple more.

SPEAKER_01 34:38

If she's doing something, if if she's doing something, she'd be furious about how are you ever at that one. Um,

Is Emotional Cheating Worse?

SPEAKER_01 34:45

if she says she cannot physically cheat, but she's emotionally invested in another man, is that enough to count?

SPEAKER_03 34:52

That's probably worse.

SPEAKER_01 34:53

Oh, now now we get to now we get into it. Talk about yourself.

unknown 34:58

What?

SPEAKER_01 34:59

Talk about it.

SPEAKER_02 35:00

What? It's probably worse. Because now you're emotionally invested. Because now you have you have my mind, you have my attention.

SPEAKER_01 35:07

Because you gotta get the mind before you get the body.

SPEAKER_02 35:09

Emotionally invested.

SPEAKER_01 35:10

When it comes to women, you gotta get the mind before you have to get the body.

SPEAKER_02 35:13

So that when that even when that physical connection happens, we're gonna be firing on all censors. I mean, as long as it's not a letdown. We're gonna be firing on all because once you get you a piece of evil ass. Okay, bye-sabelle, we're gonna be firing on all sensors. But like how they say, or some men say, when it's like physical, it could just be a physical thing for them and they can just like hit it, quit it, and be done. But with women, it's like what?

SPEAKER_01 35:38

You hit it, quit it, be done.

SPEAKER_02 35:39

Uh no, I don't, I don't even think I would be comfortable being naked in front of anybody else.

SPEAKER_01 35:44

I don't know why. I don't know what you're hitting about.

SPEAKER_03 35:47

Good view. Okay. Bye to mail.

SPEAKER_02 35:50

Um, let's see. If you see if he sends a I miss you text to an ex but says it's platonic, is that cheating?

SPEAKER_01 36:00

Yeah, nigga. Come on now. Oh, come on, come on now. To an ex. What you miss your ex for?

SPEAKER_02 36:05

She asked for a reason. I miss, I miss the way you used to scramble my eggs.

SPEAKER_01 36:08

That's different. That's a different context. Oh, okay. Wait a minute.

SPEAKER_02 36:14

Don't piss me off. Look here. Because she made a mean French toast. I love you.

SPEAKER_01 36:20

But Sabrina's French toast. But Chelsea's French toast? Your cousin Chelsea's French toast? Chelsea, I miss your French toast. I text you that shit in the morning. You know I ain't playing.

SPEAKER_02 36:31

I miss your French toast. I miss you too, but I miss your French toast.

SPEAKER_01 36:34

You know, I will text her that in the morning. You know I'm not playing.

SPEAKER_02 36:36

Oh gosh, I can't.

SPEAKER_03 36:38

Okay, one more. Go ahead.

SPEAKER_01 36:40

One more? Yeah. I thought we were gonna hop into the next one.

SPEAKER_03 36:42

Go ahead. One more. Don't argue with me.

SPEAKER_01 36:44

Oh, yes, ma'am. Yes, ma'am. If uh if she's sending selfies to another man that she wouldn't send in a group chat.

SPEAKER_02 36:53

Like what group chat? Like a family group?

SPEAKER_01 36:55

Like if she wouldn't send a picture in any group chat.

SPEAKER_02 36:58

I mean, it might be crossing the line.

SPEAKER_01 36:59

I don't think it's cheap.

SPEAKER_02 37:01

Oh, I think that's taking it a little far. I think that's taking it a little far. She might be crossing the line, but why she gotta be a hoose ho.

SPEAKER_01 37:13

You're doing whole activities.

SPEAKER_02 37:15

Oh, I forgot the song.

SPEAKER_01 37:16

With whole tendency.

SPEAKER_02 37:18

Yeah, that's noodles.

SPEAKER_01 37:19

Whose are your friends? Whose are your enemies? I remember that.

SPEAKER_02 37:23

I remember that. Okay, guys, let's go ahead and hop on into the comment of.

SPEAKER_01 37:30

We're not hopping into the comment of weekend.

SPEAKER_02 37:31

What are we hopping into? What are we hopping into? If we knew then. Oh, if we knew then, I forgot.

SPEAKER_01 37:36

All right, this week's question of if we knew then

If We Knew Then: Being Right vs. Effective

SPEAKER_01 37:40

is as followings. Really?

SPEAKER_02 37:43

What is as followings? That's so weird.

SPEAKER_01 37:47

If we Okay.

SPEAKER_02 37:49

If we knew then, if you gotta read it like that, anybody got time for that.

SPEAKER_01 37:53

Okay. If we knew then the difference between being right and being effective, what arguments would have ended sooner?

SPEAKER_03 38:04

A lot of them.

SPEAKER_01 38:05

All of them. The answer is all of them. All of them. Because I can honestly say that younger me just wanted to be right.

SPEAKER_02 38:14

You still have a little bit of that too, left. It's still a little bit.

SPEAKER_01 38:17

You know what?

SPEAKER_02 38:18

It's still a little bit in there.

SPEAKER_01 38:19

To the throat.

SPEAKER_03 38:20

Wow. Crazy words. Younger me just wanted to be right. This version of me, I just need the conversation to happen so we can move to be effective. I need the change to happen afterwards.

SPEAKER_01 38:31

That's me. So we don't have to revisit it. So we ain't gotta come back and talk about this. Yeah. So what somehow you still do? Ain't gotta be explained. Radio rahien. You hear me? Okay. That's where I'm at now. But younger me, oh no, you're gonna say I'm right. But I never did. But now it tell me. Yes, you have.

SPEAKER_03 38:49

No, I haven't.

SPEAKER_01 38:50

Okay. But tell me now how many times I'm like, baby, right? Because I don't it ain't even that neat to me no more. I'll be like, Hang your if this makes you.

SPEAKER_02 38:58

It's because I beat you down. That's not what it is.

SPEAKER_01 39:00

It just it ain't. I only fight back on the things I feel like is worth the energy. I'll be like, look here, baby, it ain't that important to me. If that's the way you want it to happen, it can happen that way. That's how I feel about it. But younger me, I'll be like I'll be like, be even.

SPEAKER_00 39:19

If you don't shit your ass down and do what I said.

SPEAKER_02 39:22

Even if he's wrong, he's gonna be the dead horse.

SPEAKER_00 39:26

Not now.

SPEAKER_01 39:27

Younger me.

SPEAKER_02 39:28

Yeah.

SPEAKER_01 39:30

Now I'm like, if loving you is wrong.

SPEAKER_02 39:32

I don't wanna be wrong. If being right means being without you.

SPEAKER_01 39:37

Wow, all these into prompt songs is crazy.

SPEAKER_02 39:40

Okay. Um we're gonna do R2 Sense.

SPEAKER_01 39:44

We're gonna do how many week then R2 Sense. We in with that. Okay, go ahead. She always trying to change the program, y'all. Go ahead and say it.

SPEAKER_02 39:52

What am I saying?

Comment of the Week

SPEAKER_01 39:54

Let's hop into the coming of the week.

SPEAKER_03 39:57

The comic of the week, people. All right, look here. I can't.

SPEAKER_01 40:00

She's been cheating. That's why she's acting like that. She's been cheating, that's why she's acting like.

SPEAKER_02 40:05

I don't cheat.

SPEAKER_01 40:05

Oh, she strategized.

SPEAKER_02 40:06

I strategize. Thank you. Okay. There's a difference.

SPEAKER_01 40:09

The comment. First of all, I want to say shouts out to all the new followers everywhere. You guys are awesome, songs. So I took some comments from Facebook this week. At least one of them, I believe. This first comic comes from Facebook. It comes from um Natasha Stevenson. It comes from the post about being in the in the in the delivery room. How she didn't want her mother-in-law.

SPEAKER_03 40:30

Oh, she didn't want her mother-in-law in the delivery room.

SPEAKER_01 40:32

And her husband was doing too much.

SPEAKER_03 40:33

Yeah.

SPEAKER_01 40:34

So this first comment comes from Natasha Stevenson. Shout out to Natasha. Are we related? I don't know. Because you know Don't last name still. I know. I don't know. I put two and two together. Oh, maybe I'll say consciously. I was like, this might be family. I can't. She says, when it's his ass in the air and bustle open, he can have whoever he wants in the room. But as long as it's mine, I will make the decision on who I want in the room. And that's it.

SPEAKER_02 41:01

Can the church say amen? Amen. Amen.

SPEAKER_01 41:04

And to and to to y'all people that was like, oh, it's his first baby too. He wants to experience it. He's not pushing that baby out. That's not his cooter.

SPEAKER_02 41:13

Like she said, his ass ain't up.

SPEAKER_01 41:16

Somebody said I couldn't find it. Somebody said that his mama could be in the room when he had his first prostate again after jam, and I was dead.

SPEAKER_03 41:22

That's crazy work. Okay. That's a little over bulk. That's crazy work. That's crazy work.

SPEAKER_01 41:29

The second comment comes from the post about the me time.

SPEAKER_02 41:32

Oh, where the husband was getting upset because the wife was starting to take a little bit more me time. She was a stay-at-home wife and mother, and she started investing into herself going to Pilates and hanging out with her girlfriend. Once a month. Once a month, once a month. Yeah, once every other month, she had a girl's day. He had a problem with it. She had a girls' day and he didn't like it.

SPEAKER_01 41:51

And I had said that she should make it girls' day every Sunday, go to brunch. Right. And then for the family time, for the family time, they can go to eating the church.

SPEAKER_04 42:00

Right.

SPEAKER_01 42:01

And so Magic Bell said she can't be leaning in night church after all that all you can drink brunch now. And I don't see why not.

SPEAKER_02 42:10

You're gonna have to understand.

SPEAKER_01 42:11

Because the good Lord says, Come as you are.

SPEAKER_03 42:13

He was referring to your heart. He was referring to your heart. Come as you are. Referring to your heart.

SPEAKER_01 42:20

All are welcome in the house of the Lord.

SPEAKER_02 42:22

Okay. So just try not to go intentionally hunger.

SPEAKER_01 42:26

She can go in there and lean in. They're gonna give her a little coffee. Okay, bye then. She's gonna sit down with her family. Hot coffee sounds good, really. They're gonna get a word. Okay. Hot coffee sounds good. And um the last one comes from YouTube, and this is from the post about um the me time as well, I believe. It really don't matter where it's from. I'm gonna just answer these questions. And Valerie Johnson said, Do men run these thoughts by their friends, or would they be too embarrassed? And let me tell you this: most men don't.

SPEAKER_02 43:03

I said they don't. I can tell you that.

SPEAKER_01 43:05

I can't speak for all men, but I know my friends don't ask me crazy shit because I'm gonna tell them I'm gonna give them a crazy ass answer. If y'all think I'm petty on the comments, on my reaction, you should hear what I say to my friends when they say stupid shit.

SPEAKER_02 43:16

You don't stupid, uh, what'd they say?

SPEAKER_01 43:18

I'll be like, that's some dumb shit.

SPEAKER_02 43:20

Don't ask a stupid question.

SPEAKER_01 43:22

I'd be like that that video. You are dumb. You are really dumb.

SPEAKER_02 43:27

For real. You is really dumb for real.

SPEAKER_03 43:35

You is dumb for real. All

Our 2 Cents Begins

SPEAKER_03 43:38

right, appreciate y'all.

SPEAKER_02 43:39

Let's hop on into our two cents. R2. Okay, so these R2 cents come from uh Booskies. So hello, Booskies. They're all coming from Booskies.

SPEAKER_01 43:50

The Booski Hour.

SPEAKER_02 43:53

Okay, let's see. This one, I'm because you know, you guys have to let us know if you want to be anonymous, I'm gonna just go ahead and It's anonymous just because y'all don't be specifying if y'all want to be anonymous or not. Um,

Grief, Boundaries, and Talking About Her Daughter

SPEAKER_02 44:05

let's see. So this one just says uh they have a question for us, and it's an uncomfortable topic. Everything I can't put um my partner of three years and I are in our late 50s. We both have children from past marriages. His ended in divorce, and I'm a widow of 11 years. Six years ago, my youngest daughter at the age of 19 was killed by a drunk driver. About two and a half years ago, we went to court for the sentencing, and my partner was with me during that time and has been very supportive. That's good. On my daughter's born day and ancestral day, my daughter's friends and my other two children and family members get together for dinner, uh, go to top golf, have a game night, or we do something in my daughter's honor. That's really nice. Sometimes my partner would participate and sometimes he wouldn't. No big deal. But a couple of months ago, he told me that I talk about my daughter too much. He doesn't like when I talk about her at all. It makes him feel uncomfortable and he doesn't know what to say to me when I talk about her to him. I told him I wasn't expecting a response from him, just listening to me is enough. He still said he didn't like me talking about her. I only would mention things about her when something reminds me of her or when I'm planning something to honor her. So this was a total surprise. Now I don't bring up my daughter at all, and I don't invite him to join us for these events. I don't say her name around him, I don't say anything. It hurts not to be able to share my thoughts or my happy memories of her with him, but I don't. Should I talk about her around him anyway, or should I not talk about her, or is this breakup worthy?

SPEAKER_01 45:55

Talk about your baby every chance you give.

SPEAKER_03 45:58

Yeah. Yeah.

SPEAKER_01 46:00

Respect. That's your husband, so I don't want to be too disrespectful. Yeah. So uh respectfully, fuck him.

SPEAKER_03 46:05

Bye.

SPEAKER_02 46:06

No, but I think how is he gonna tell you not to talk about your daughter? Because it makes you uncomfortable. Because it makes him uncomfortable.

SPEAKER_01 46:13

Okay, I wasn't gonna be panty. Look here. Um, Lord willing, his mama is still alive. But when she passed, give him two days to talk about her and tell him don't talk about her anymore.

SPEAKER_02 46:24

And that's another I don't want to hear her.

SPEAKER_01 46:25

I don't want to hear that about her.

SPEAKER_02 46:27

No, I think I think I think I think it's unfair to disrespect. It's unfair and disrespectful to ask you not to talk about your child. First of all, it's your child. And the reasoning that he's giving is because it makes him uncomfortable because he feels that he doesn't know how to comfort you when you've already told him how to comfort you. The way you comfort me is just simply by listening and just being there. Your presence is comforting enough.

SPEAKER_01 46:54

Oh my God.

SPEAKER_02 46:55

Because now, like grief doesn't have um a date on it. Like, you don't, you know what I mean? It doesn't have an expiration date. So for me to like not talk about my child who's no longer physically here, when when I do get a memory of her or when I do think about her, that's that's you still making a connection with your child. And you want me to ignore that when I'm around you because it makes you uncomfortable. And I think that's really unfair for you to ask something like that of me, right?

SPEAKER_01 47:23

And all you have to do to support her is shut the fuck up and listen to her talk.

SPEAKER_02 47:28

But that's what she said. Just speak there.

SPEAKER_01 47:30

All you gotta do is hold her, embrace her, and make her leave there. Make her feel heard, yeah, make her feel felt. Yeah. And validate her what she's saying. Yeah. But you don't why are you making it about it?

SPEAKER_02 47:41

You're making it about you. Yeah, you're making it about you. It's not about you. Oh my god. It's not it's not about you. Mission. Now I can see, I can understand.

SPEAKER_01 47:50

She said she was 50? Uh in their late 50s. Oh, his mom. Uh, okay. Um, miss, um in late 50s. She she oh, she would mean, ma'am. Um, how's your brother beat his ass?

SPEAKER_03 48:00

Okay, you don't even know if she has brothers.

SPEAKER_01 48:02

Okay, have a cousin.

SPEAKER_02 48:04

They're too, they're too up in age to be fine.

SPEAKER_01 48:07

Well, I got I got call me.

SPEAKER_02 48:08

Okay, bye.

SPEAKER_01 48:09

Message me. I got somebody to say.

SPEAKER_02 48:10

But yeah, essentially, with I don't know if he understands, but he's making the situation about it.

SPEAKER_01 48:15

That's not a crime. That's not a threat. I'm just fine.

SPEAKER_02 48:17

He's making the situation about him.

SPEAKER_03 48:20

And it shouldn't be.

SPEAKER_02 48:20

And it's not. And I can understand. Okay, you don't want to participate in the events. That's fine. That's one thing. But you're not gonna stop me for honoring my child. Right, but for you to use your your words and your mouth to come to me and say, I don't want you talking about her at all, you're basically trying to ban her out my house. Absolutely not. No, no, that's not that's that's asshole behavior.

SPEAKER_01 48:43

No, don't go up that mountain and say you're married.

SPEAKER_02 48:45

Don't do that. Um, okay, let's go on to the next one. Actually, I'm gonna do the other one. That one looks a little long. Oh lord. Um, let's

She Chose the Man Who Assaulted Her Best Friend

SPEAKER_02 48:52

go with this one first. It says, Am I the asshole? They want to know if they're the asshole. Probably not. Says, Am I the asshole for picking myself?

SPEAKER_01 49:01

Never.

SPEAKER_02 49:01

As a teenager, bye. No. As a teenager, I met and messed with this older guy. Okay. Kept him a secret. Years later, my boyfriend meets him. We're all still underage, and she starts messing with him. I said nothing. The same guy apparently essay'd her and made his friends join. They all ended up in jail for years. Okay. My guy got some years for setting it up, only to get out and do another 20 years. Fast forward 20 years later, we're still best friends, but I never tell her that I'm still talking to him while he's been locked up.

SPEAKER_03 49:39

Oh my God.

SPEAKER_02 49:40

I'm just counting the days for his release. He finally gets out and we start our relationship. I do this even after what he did to my best friend. But I'm in my late 40s and about to be 49. I'm thinking if I don't take him, maybe there's no one else. Fast forward, my best friend sees a photo that I posted of us together on a day on Facebook, and she was furious. She didn't even say anything to me, but she did reach out to our mutual friend. That's how I found out, she found out. When people saw that we weren't talking and asked why, she ended up telling people what my boyfriend did. And I was mortified and embarrassed that I had to make up a lie that I went to school with him and told them it wasn't true, but she had receipts to prove it. It's been like five years since we last spoke, and we were friends for almost 30 years. Am I the asshole for picking this guy that hurt my friend in the worst way? Yes. The hell? Yes. Come on, girl. Girl, he committed a very serious crime.

SPEAKER_01 50:47

Stockholm Syndrome is a real thing. And baby, you got it. And you're too old to be making these goddamn decisions like this.

SPEAKER_02 50:55

Girl, you're absolutely yes.

SPEAKER_01 50:57

ARP is knocking on the door and you run here walking around with a kindergarten level education. This is crazy.

SPEAKER_02 51:05

Babe, yes. You're an asshole for that. You're an asshole for that. He assaulted your best friend. And you. And yeah, you, and you know. She has proof. You know that this happened. He's done time.

SPEAKER_01 51:20

How are you gonna lie like he ain't got a record? They can't search his.

SPEAKER_02 51:22

But then the fact, the fact that you said that you felt embarrassed and therefore you had to lie, I'm not gonna be with somebody who I have to lie about so that I'm not embarrassed about the things that they've done. Do you you do you you see that? Like he's done something so egregious that you feel bad on some level of being with him to the point that you have to lie to others so that he's not put in such a terrible light because you know that he did a terrible and egregious thing. Girl, yes, you the asshole. I'm sorry. You that you the asshole.

SPEAKER_03 52:04

20 years wasn't enough.

SPEAKER_01 52:05

He should be alive.

SPEAKER_02 52:07

Yeah, that's that's that's what I'm saying.

SPEAKER_01 52:09

I don't that's one thing I don't play with.

SPEAKER_02 52:11

Yeah, assault.

SPEAKER_01 52:12

I don't play with assault. Uh you touch children, you should be dead.

SPEAKER_02 52:15

Yeah, that's yeah.

SPEAKER_01 52:16

You should be dead. That's crazy. Any man that knows what he's done will not socialize with him.

SPEAKER_03 52:21

Yeah.

SPEAKER_01 52:22

And that's why you didn't want the word to get out because you don't, ain't nobody gonna want to deal with his punk ass.

SPEAKER_02 52:28

You you don't you're embarrassed about it. Come on, what ain't nobody else gonna want his ass. Okay, here we go. Last one. This one seems a little lengthy. Um,

Family Conflict, Police, and Protecting Your Child

SPEAKER_02 52:38

am I the asshole for refusing to apologize and talk to my cousin anymore after our argument? I have a story that I would like to share with you to get another perspective to ensure that I am not overreacting. If you need to chop it, feel free to do so.

SPEAKER_03 52:53

We're gonna go straight in. I'm gonna chop it.

SPEAKER_02 52:55

Um, my cousin and I have kids born a month apart. I have a son, she has a daughter. One day our children were playing and talking age-appropriate smack to one another, while my son's girlfriend, also his cousin's best friend, was on the phone with them. To preference, they call each other monkey, which I hate and have asked them both to stop, but both didn't listen. On this particular day, my son calls his cousin monkey. The little cousin gets upset at being called a monkey and runs to me, saying my son using the term was embarrassing her in front of her friend. Maybe I am wrong, but I lead with logic and ask her why was it just okay before, but upsetting her now? I'm trying to get to the root of why she's so hurt. She didn't want to hear me out, so she goes running to her mother, telling her my son embarrassed her in front of her friend. Her mother immediately starts calling my son names. As an 80s baby, you know from the tone in which your name is called whether it's serious or not. This tone was serious. The first thing at the mother's mouth to my son was, who the f do you think you are? I immediately intervened because you cannot ask my son a question about what happened, but you're not trying to come to, you're not trying to come for his confidence in the process of demeaning him. I say to her in the most calm and uh calm but upset tone, don't yell at my son. You don't know the full story. At this point, my cousin starts to raise her voice at me as if I did something to her. I immediately grab my son and start walking away. As I'm walking up the stairs to grab my belongings to leave, my older cousin is following behind us, still yelling and carrying on. I remain silent, mostly because the children are watching and I don't like to argue. While I'm packing up my belongings, I call the police. This isn't the first time she's acted like this. The last time she put her hands on me and threatened to call the police on me, if I had put my hands back on her. At the time, she knew I had an open case in which I defended myself in my home with a person I was helping out. Case was later dismissed. But I felt her saying that was because she wanted to see me arrested. Very evil, especially since she was the aggressor. So, in this new argument, in an effort to de-escalate the situation, I called the police so I could leave peacefully with my son and not have to worry about her escalating anything physically. Who are the police? In the midst of everything, she told my son that anything she brought for him, he couldn't leave the house with. She called me everything but a child of God and even slammed the door in my son's face. The entire time I maintained my composure and didn't even respond to anything she said. You would have thought I did something to this girl, like stole her from, like stole something from her. Two years later, my cousin wants me to apologize to her, although I remained level-headed and calm and didn't engage in the toxic behavior with her. Am I the asshole for refusing to apologize and telling my aunt, her mother, I don't want a relationship with her daughter, my cousin? Also, would I be an asshole if I didn't allow my son to go over to their house and play with their cousin? I am conflicted as I don't want to involve kids in grown-ups' beefs, but I just don't trust her mother.

SPEAKER_01 56:05

No. No and no. No. No and no. It's a lie. No. Why you gotta why you have to call the police? Why you can just leave walk out?

SPEAKER_02 56:12

Well, be she said why she wanted to call the police because the the they had an issue before, and she had an open case. And so the cousin was trying to be vicious.

SPEAKER_01 56:21

Open case, through me.

SPEAKER_02 56:22

She was trying to be vicious. So she's saying in this time, in this new argument, she was calm and she wanted to make sure she was the first person to call the police so that she wouldn't be made out to be the aggressor.

SPEAKER_01 56:31

I got all that, but just because the charges were dropped, that just means they didn't have enough proof.

SPEAKER_02 56:35

Okay, Mary. But that's not the point. Um no, you're not the asshole.

SPEAKER_01 56:39

No, you're not an asshole. You're not an asshole. It's a lot going on here. Yeah, you're not an asshole. Again, I say family. I say uh kids will be kids and girls are very temperamental. Oh who young girls are the young teenage girls that change like the wind. Your daughter changed like the wind, uh Nisha G. So and I honestly, um, it's it's the truth. As in and as a young boy, it's kind of hard to comprehend because one day you can say something and she don't mind, and the next day you can't read through it. Okay. Again, like I say, they like the win. And that's what he didn't understand, and that's you know, and uh and I feel like you you were just trying to protect your son, which you know, most of the time.

SPEAKER_02 57:25

But she wanted to have a conversation, and she was like, You she was basically saying, You don't have to come at my son sideways, and you haven't even done the whole story yet.

SPEAKER_01 57:33

That part I agree with. Yes, that part because it's coming like that. It wasn't a problem being called that to someone else's in the room, which means that it it was probably embarrassing because someone else was in the middle of the children.

SPEAKER_02 57:43

But that's what that's that's exactly what she was saying to embarrass me in front of my friend.

SPEAKER_01 57:47

I don't think you're an asshole at all, and I I I am an advocate, uh, advocate for peace. So wherever your peace is at, that's where you be at.

SPEAKER_02 57:55

Perfectly fine with me. All righty, guys. This has been another episode of the Life After I Do podcast. If you're not doing so already, don't forget you can also follow us on all of our social media platforms at Life After I Do Podcast. You can follow us on TikTok, Facebook, Instagram, YouTube at Life After I Do Podcast. You can even write into the podcast at LifeAfter Do Podcast at gmail.com. You get a new episode every single Wednesday.

SPEAKER_03 58:22

Every Wednesday.

SPEAKER_02 58:23

And we appreciate all the new followers. Oh, everything. Y'all showing up. We appreciate all the love, guys. You guys make this so fun for us to do, so we really don't mind it. We love connecting with you guys. What?

SPEAKER_01 58:36

She minded it. I don't mind it.

SPEAKER_02 58:38

Okay. We we enjoy doing this because we get to engage with you guys. So we love all the engagement. We love the feedback. We love that air. But yeah, you get a new episode every Wednesday, and thanks for rocking with us. And until next week. Peace, Booskies. Peace, Booskies.