Life After I Do Podcast
Marriage and relationships can be tough. You may feel like you’re the only one struggling but you’re not. Life After I do is a weekly podcast where Morice and Kynesha, a black married millennial couple, share their experiences and advice on everything from kids and family to intimacy and connection. Noting is off limits.
In their 24 years together and 10 years of marriage, Morice and Kynesha have learned a lot about what it takes to make a relationship work. They know the importance of communication, trust and commitment. They also know it’s okay to not have it all figured out.
Join them every Wednesday as they talk about their own journey of “Life After I do”.
Life After I Do Podcast
Quality Over Quickies
Use Left/Right to seek, Home/End to jump to start or end. Hold shift to jump forward or backward.
Quality Over Quickies is about sex, intimacy, desire, timing, and why married couples need more than rushed moments to stay connected. In this episode of Life After I Do, Nesha G and Moelethal talk about how often married couples are having sex, why quality can matter more than quantity, and how life, kids, exhaustion, emotional disconnection, and the mental load all affect intimacy.
Nesha and Moe discuss quickies, initiation, rejection, non-sexual affection, body changes, sexual satisfaction, feeling desired, and why couples need to be honest about what is and is not working in the bedroom. They also talk about why one good, connected experience can matter more than several disconnected ones.
The episode also asks whether married people should have a work husband or work wife and how playful workplace labels can blur boundaries. Then Our 2 Cents closes with updates and stories about long-term silence after cheating, intimacy expectations, a sister-in-law disrespecting someone’s home while living there rent-free, and a friend secretly making money by charging people to use someone else’s EV charger.
Thanks for rocking with us! Don’t forget to follow Life After I Do so you never miss an episode. Got a relationship situation you want us to weigh in on? Hit us at https://beacons.ai/laidpodcast — we just might talk about it in a future episode.
Cold Open: Two Seconds an Hour
SPEAKER_02If that's the primary way to connect.
SPEAKER_04Especially now that we're getting up during age.
SPEAKER_02I know that our brains are different, so you know, there's you know 60 seconds in a minute, and 40 of those seconds are spent with me thinking, well, damn, look at that ass over here. So, and I understand that you might use two seconds an hour.
SPEAKER_05Thinking about ass and getting the getting some sex. Yeah.
SPEAKER_04That's why two seconds an hour is crazy though. But that's why I but I it's more than two seconds. But that's that's why I bridge the gap.
SPEAKER_02Oh, right. I come actually you have enough for the both of us. That's what I can't that's what as a leader, I take care of that.
Welcome Back to Life After I Do
SPEAKER_04Hey everybody, and welcome back to your weekly dose of the Life After I Dude podcast.
SPEAKER_00How y'all doing? How y'all doing? How y'all doing? I'm tired, Grandpa. I don't give a damn. That's too damn. That's too damn.
SPEAKER_02Why you never come on, you know. We gotta be we gotta be on one accord. Okay. You know? Okay. You know, try it.
SPEAKER_04Let me turn my ringer off.
SPEAKER_02Not turn the ringer off
Everybody Calls When You’re Busy
SPEAKER_02is crazy.
SPEAKER_04Yeah, because what I have noticed is I don't know if everyone's frequency, uh people don't call you so you start doing stuff every single time. Right. I was at the bookstore the other day. Well, you weren't doing nothing in the bookstore. Yes, I was. You're spending money. And I was talking to my book friends. And I was how many friends you got? I have a lot. I was talking to my book friends and having a grand old time. Now, mind you, ain't nobody rang my phone the whole day. Soon as I get in there and I'm doing something I want to do. Back to back. Back to back. Oh seriously, this is my time. Say Drake. Yeah, and the only person I picked up for was you.
SPEAKER_02Back to back.
SPEAKER_01I like that record.
SPEAKER_04I was like, I said, nope, sorry. Hey Bussy, how you doing? How you feel?
SPEAKER_02Sorry. That's Kendrick.
SPEAKER_04Oh, which one? What is it?
SPEAKER_02The disc, the Kendrick's disc.
SPEAKER_04Oh, I thought you were singing something different because you said Drake. And I was like, Hey Bussy, how you doing?
SPEAKER_02Hi. How's your week? Let's get into it. Good. Let's get into it.
Nesha Defends Her Eagles Knowledge
SPEAKER_04Well, first, first things first, let's let's address um an issue. What's the issue? Uh the issue is, is first of all, guys, I know that Saquon is on the team. Okay. I do know, I do know that Jalen Hurts is our QB.
SPEAKER_02You know, now.
SPEAKER_04No, I knew then. I just couldn't remember at the time, but I knew that. Okay. Okay. And all y'all trying to like be cute, sly, and come for me, talking about talking about Saquon. Did she say Saquon? She did. Okay. Do I not get any credit that I know at least he's on the team?
SPEAKER_02What position he play?
SPEAKER_04He's our running back.
SPEAKER_02You know that now.
SPEAKER_04I knew that then. I knew that then, okay? I knew that I knew that then. You just don't give me any credit. If you would have given me enough time, I told you my brain is fuzzy these days.
SPEAKER_02Oh, is that right?
SPEAKER_04So the information, like my my highway of information in my brain is not traveling at the same speed at which it used to.
SPEAKER_02Oh, okay, okay.
SPEAKER_04Okay, so y'all gonna have to be a little patient with me, okay?
SPEAKER_02Y'all believe that?
SPEAKER_04Yes, they do believe it. They do believe it.
SPEAKER_02I'm all I'm almost 40.
SPEAKER_04Okay.
SPEAKER_02Not yet. I'm gonna be 40 next year.
SPEAKER_04I'll be don't play my life. You can say it within months. I'll be 40 within like a few months, okay? Um, I'm getting excited about it too. Like, how old I was excited about 30 too, huh? Yeah, I know. It's like all these big, like, big birthdays.
SPEAKER_02Then you woke up 30 and pregnant.
SPEAKER_04I know. I I don't think that's gonna happen. Oh, minute. Don't wake up. Oh Lord. Don't wake up 40 and pregnant. Um but uh yeah, like I'm really getting excited because like it's like how old are you?
SPEAKER_0240. You keep putting them notes on them lunches.
SPEAKER_04Okay. Shout out to our barista at uh at Starbucks. And she was like, I was listening to the episode, and she was like, Do you need to get a little note to put on this coffee? Because you know he wants his notes and nuts.
Notes and Nuts
SPEAKER_04She was like, Nisha, do you want an extra little note that he wants his notes and nuts?
SPEAKER_02Shout out to our local uh community and fan base for supporting my nuts.
SPEAKER_04Oh my gosh.
SPEAKER_02They're important. They are they get me through.
SPEAKER_04They get you through. Notes and nuts get me through. That's that's that's actually weird that you say that. It's kind of a topic of discussion today, but back to the weeks. So my week, um, it wasn't a shabby week.
SPEAKER_02It wasn't shabby. What was it?
SPEAKER_04But it was not
Nesha’s Low-Energy Week
SPEAKER_04an energetic one.
SPEAKER_02Oh, tell me. I don't know why.
SPEAKER_04Do tell my energy is just a little down. Like I said, you guys, my the pathways tired yesterday. And the pathways in my brain is just they the highway. I don't know if there's like a construction zone on the highway, y'all. The pathways in my brain right now, or what?
SPEAKER_02My I was supposed to record yesterday, last night. And I looked at my wife, I said, baby, just go to sleep.
SPEAKER_04I said, man. Well,
Phoenix’s Spa Day Birthday Party
SPEAKER_04it also didn't help. First of all, I haven't been getting great sleep because um we, our our child has a bit of a sleep issue. And uh so then that's booked and busy on top of it. And then on top of that, she's like really busy during the weekends, and she had a birthday party to go to, which uh was a sleepover, but we don't we don't do sleepovers, but I I still like for her to participate, you know? And so the birthday party didn't start till five o'clock, and it was an hour and a half away from home, and then the party itself didn't technically get started until eight o'clock.
SPEAKER_02And my drawing, this is these are these are eight, nine-year-old girls.
SPEAKER_04These are eight and nine-year-old girls. Well, because it was a sleepover, so that's why it so it made sense, but she just wasn't sleeping over. So, and then we had an hour and a half drive back home, and then we didn't leave till like 11, a little past 11. Oh, I'm so we didn't get home till after 12:30 a.m.
SPEAKER_02I remember I checked your location, I said, damn, they out there. Right, right.
SPEAKER_04We were, and she had the she had the time of her life.
SPEAKER_02She's such a good mom because she didn't know when she was.
SPEAKER_04I know she wouldn't have gone if it was up to you. That's terrible. That's really terrible.
SPEAKER_02I said, You want me to my Saturday night? Yes, you weren't doing anything. It's Saturday night. But you didn't do anything. I'm not giving you Saturday. Oh, wow. I might give you a Thursday night, but a Saturday? Crazy.
SPEAKER_04That's you know what? That I mean.
SPEAKER_02So what was the highlight of the week?
SPEAKER_04The highlight of my honestly, the highlight of my week was seeing um Phoenix just have a really good time with her friends and her with her friends and her cousin. It was so it was really cute because it was a spa day theme. And so um her mom, the birthday girl's mom and aunts, set it up so beautifully. I mean, it was so, so beautiful. Every girl had their own bed. It was custom and like set up to them. They had like all of their spa stuffs. We did facials, we did nails, we did the whole, we did the whole thing. And plus, you know, us girls, we we love some goodies and some snacks. So we had some goodies and some snacks.
SPEAKER_02I had a bunch of carbs and sugar.
SPEAKER_04And we loved it. We loved it. But then let me tell you, this is there was a we saw a spider, right? And mind you, it's a house full of just little girls and women. When we all saw that spider, I promise you, everybody's left with, everybody's brain went left. We were all like, oh my god, a spider. Her son was in the room and he came out, he's like, What's going on? And we're like, There's a spider. Can you kill the spider? He was looking at all of us like, I think her son's like 16, 16, 17. And so he's looking at us like, it's just a spider. And we like, but it's we're just girls. At the end of the day, we're just girls. Can you kill that spider, please?
SPEAKER_02I could look people always ask me all the time, why don't you go to events? I said, Look, here, I have a I have an ovary limit.
SPEAKER_04Okay.
SPEAKER_02Once we get to a certain level, a number of ovaries, if the testosterone and you're a girl, dad, you have no choice.
SPEAKER_04You see, I went at the party. No, I guess. Well, I guess you do have a choice. Yeah.
SPEAKER_02Testosterone's not not balancing out these ovaries. I'm not there.
SPEAKER_04Okay. You sound ridiculous. Now, what would you what would you do if I was like gone away on business for a week or something and she had to have like she had play dates scheduled and stuff.
SPEAKER_02Hey, T, what you doing this week? Okay, you call my mom. Your granddaughter does it.
SPEAKER_04You're terrible. You're terrible. She needs something to go to. Ah, goodbye. I would just I would need something to go to.
SPEAKER_02I would just girl damn away. I was like, look, babe, we can do this, our daddy can take you here.
SPEAKER_04Okay. That's terrible. Don't do that. She's like, whatever you want to do, Dad. I told you with you. Okay. But yeah, so anyway, that was probably the highlight. And then just like the energy level, I haven't been getting good sleep throughout the week. I get up, as you see, at least at minimal, three times uh a night. So I don't see it, but you say it. Well, you see it. My my sleep has been broken up throughout the night. And then we were out late on the this past weekend. So then when Sunday came, I ate breakfast, and my intention was just to finish breakfast. You know, us was talking, you and I were talking, and then I don't know what happened. I woke back up, it was four o'clock. I'm not sure what happened. I was, I guess I was muff and tied. I was muff and tied. Like even today, I still went to the gym, but I kind of cheated myself today. At least you went. I did. I went. I went and I did my primary movements. And then after that, I looked around and I was in the gym by myself for a whole hour. And I was like, you know.
SPEAKER_02The girlies ain't here to talk to, so I'm gonna leave.
SPEAKER_04No, I was I would it was a it was a thing today. I wasn't feeling my greatest. And so I was just like, you know what? I got shit to do anyway. So I had to use that as an excuse today. And you know, so here I am. So how was your week?
Go Birds and Eagles Stress
SPEAKER_02First and foremost, let's start the week off by saying go birds. Go birds. It was stressful.
SPEAKER_04It was it was it was tight there for a second.
SPEAKER_02But it ain't it ain't it ain't it ain't an Eagles football game if you don't gotta check your blood pressure at least once or twice. Oh, I don't you know they they they gonna put you through some shit, but they're gonna always come through in the end.
SPEAKER_04Sounds sounds about it.
SPEAKER_02All right, my boy Jalen Alexander Hurts.
SPEAKER_04Yep, he came through for us. I heard about that.
SPEAKER_02You know, he came, you know what? That first intersection, I blamed him for that one. I said that was his fault. That second one wasn't his fault. Okay, he got hit while he was throwing. That wasn't his fault. Okay, that would that should have been touched down. But other than that, my my Eagles won. That I was I was out that was stressful. So the day was it started off good, but then the cowboys won. And I was like, fuck.
SPEAKER_04And then I had said, what did I say? I said, wouldn't it be funny if the cowboys won the Super Bowl?
SPEAKER_02And she almost got a divorce that day. Look at I almost my papers in that day. That was yesterday, y'all. I almost said I was looking up lawyers in the bed.
SPEAKER_05I said, the way those cowboy fans would be that would be sufferable now.
SPEAKER_00That would be common.
SPEAKER_02First of all, we don't talk about Alice here.
SPEAKER_04Alice?
SPEAKER_02We don't say that.
SPEAKER_04We don't who's Alice now. I don't know who Alice is. Is that the owner?
SPEAKER_02No, that's Dallas without the D.
SPEAKER_04Okay, Marie.
SPEAKER_02Because I ain't got no balls.
SPEAKER_05That's that's Dallas without the D.
SPEAKER_02You're so we don't support the Alice Cowgirls around here. We don't we don't wish them nothing but terrible, terrible futures.
SPEAKER_04Oh wow. I really don't think it's that deep. It is okay. I'm with I'm with you. I'm I'm with you. I'm gonna ride or die.
SPEAKER_02And it's really hard for me because I'm I'm really pro-black. So I really I I want Dakota and CD and Pickers, I want them to have great careers. Right. I just don't want them to win nothing until they take that jersey off. Now, if they go to a different team, I'll be like, I'll be right back. Any other team. Any other team.
SPEAKER_04Seahawks, any other team, Raiders, and look here, Titans.
SPEAKER_02In our, you know, as as you know, in our division.
SPEAKER_04No, I don't.
SPEAKER_02I do. Before you even start. We have there, we have we have Alice. Okay. We have Washington and we have New York.
SPEAKER_04Okay.
SPEAKER_02I don't care about losing to Washington. I don't care about losing to if but if we lose to Alice, my whole week is ruined.
SPEAKER_04I am I'll make sure you get a note. I'm gonna need four notes a day until you're through it.
SPEAKER_02If we lose to Alice, I'm going through it. Not only am I gonna go through it on Sunday, then I'm gonna have all these fans talking shit to me for the whole week. Yeah, yeah.
SPEAKER_04That's that's why I said if they were to win the Super Bowl, it's it would be chaos.
SPEAKER_02You know, I I have to be chaos. I found three lawyers.
SPEAKER_04Oh, you did?
SPEAKER_02Yeah, keep wishing them, keep wishing them, keep wishing them stuck as well.
SPEAKER_04I just think it would be a really funny turn of events because they haven't won one since what 19 something, 1970 something? Is that what I'm talking about?
SPEAKER_02In the words of Phoenix, they ain't won since the 1900s. 1900s. Okay. We not, and this y'all see how she do me? She's gonna be on my side. Go birds. Yo, that's like that's like her root.
SPEAKER_04Fly Eagles fly.
SPEAKER_02That's like her root for the goddamn Sacramento Kings are are the goddamn San San Francisco Giants.
SPEAKER_04Oh, we don't root for them?
unknownOkay.
SPEAKER_02I'm done. What are we talking? What do we got today? This is this is I'm taking applications for lawyers because this like wait, what why y'all break up? She disrespected the Eagles. I couldn't I said go birds. I can't. Um you know, I would fly Eagles probably. I will tolerate a lot of things, but what you will not do. I will tolerate a lot of things.
SPEAKER_04Really? You're not about to find a new way to piss me off.
SPEAKER_02You're not, you're not gonna talk about my either.
SPEAKER_04I love I love Jalen Alexander Hurts, Hurts, and Saquon and Smitty. And Smitty. That I was gonna say that.
SPEAKER_02You know, who's Smitty? Who's Smitty?
SPEAKER_04That is he oh, he's our tight end.
SPEAKER_02That's Dallas. And he got hurt too.
SPEAKER_04Oh, dang, what happened?
SPEAKER_02You didn't watch the game? What we got today? What
Let’s Talk About Sex
SPEAKER_02we got today?
SPEAKER_04Speaking of notes and nuts.
SPEAKER_02I got nuts if you got notes.
SPEAKER_04Let's talk about sex, baby. Let's talk about you and me. Let's talk about sex. Uh-huh. Do you remember that from the 90s? Yes, I remember that. Was it a commercial or was it a song? It was a song, right? But didn't they incorporate that into one of those like uh AIDS ads?
SPEAKER_02Yeah.
SPEAKER_04They did. See, I knew I wasn't tripping.
SPEAKER_02And that's why I was like, uh you can remember that, but you can't remember other things.
SPEAKER_04Like what? I told you my pathways right now. Yes. My pathways are. I think there's a construction zone happening right now on my pathways in my brain.
SPEAKER_02I was, I think I was trying to like not believe it for a long time, but now I think I believe that you are at the early stages of the change. I'm starting to believe that you are in the face.
SPEAKER_04Oh, now you starting to believe?
SPEAKER_02I'm starting to believe it. Because you, it should be right in front of you like, where did I put? I'm like, you looking at it. What are you talking about?
SPEAKER_04Like this morning when I was looking for the uh peroxide. And it's in your face, and it was quite literally right there on the sink. And I was like, Where did you put the peroxide?
SPEAKER_02No, what got me was when you was looking for your face mask, but but it was it was on your bonnet, it was on your head. I'm like, it's on your head.
SPEAKER_04It'd be a lot.
SPEAKER_02What?
SPEAKER_04There'd be a lot that be happening. And then I get hot, like I get flustered. I'd be like, oh my gosh, like what is this? Is it look here?
SPEAKER_02Too much. She'll throw that sexy ass leg around me and it'd be there all in three minutes. She'd be like, ah, it's too hot over here.
SPEAKER_04You'll be doing a lot. You'll be doing a lot, or I get really cold.
SPEAKER_02Yeah, and and then, oh, what she be trying to, she'd be trying. I said, I ain't never heard nobody trying to put her feet in between my knees.
SPEAKER_04Oh, because okay, because sometimes it'd be like a little pocket, like if your knee, if your leg is laying flat enough on the mattress, and then like oh, because only my top toes get cold. So as long as I can warm up my the top of my toes and they fit perfectly like behind your kneecap.
SPEAKER_02What we got? What we got? We're not doing this.
SPEAKER_04Well, well, this is this is doing life together. This is what it means to grow old together. Are you saying you don't like you don't like how I'm growing old?
SPEAKER_02I'm looking, I'm looking at apartments on Broad Street.
SPEAKER_04On what?
SPEAKER_02Broad Street.
SPEAKER_04Broad Street?
SPEAKER_02Broad Street.
SPEAKER_04Oh, Broad Street. In Philadelphia. Really? Which is which is crazy because whatever broad you find, she's gonna be an Alice fan. Matter of fact.
SPEAKER_03First of all, you do right.
SPEAKER_02You took it way too far. I said, I'm looking for an apartment on Broad Street.
SPEAKER_03Oh.
SPEAKER_02That's an actual street in Philadelphia. And you said thought I said, I'm looking for a broad. See how you took shit? See, you're going through the change.
SPEAKER_00You can't hear.
SPEAKER_02You can't hear what we got today.
SPEAKER_03Mary, is that you?
SPEAKER_02It's you. It is. She's knocking, hey girl.
SPEAKER_00Hey girl, hey. She said, hey. It's me. Hey.
SPEAKER_02Lord, my light bill is finna be $3,000.
SPEAKER_04Why?
SPEAKER_02You could have had an air on negative 50.
SPEAKER_04Goodbye. No, I'm not gonna do that. All right. So yeah, so notes and nuts, right? Sexy time. How often is people having sexy time? Are they having enough sexy time? I don't go around and ask them. Married couples, are they having enough sexy time?
SPEAKER_02I don't go around and ask them.
SPEAKER_04You should. Because I be feeling like.
SPEAKER_02I'm gonna make some calls and see what
How Often Are Married Couples Having Sex?
SPEAKER_02they say. Yeah. How many people are you gonna call? At least three.
SPEAKER_03At least three? How you gonna ask them?
SPEAKER_02How many days you getting it? They gonna lie anyway.
SPEAKER_03How you know they gonna lie?
SPEAKER_02Because that's all men do.
SPEAKER_04So y'all lie? No. Okay, well, if you lie about how many times a week you're getting it, what's what's your lie? What's your lie? You just said men lie about it.
SPEAKER_02I'm like, man, every time I walk in the house.
SPEAKER_04Okay, that's a lie.
SPEAKER_02I know.
SPEAKER_04But you just said you don't lie.
SPEAKER_02Don't she be gone when you come home? Don't worry, don't worry about it.
SPEAKER_04Okay. So well, how how many times a week do you think a healthy married couple on average is having sex?
SPEAKER_02I think that all depends on your schedule. Okay.
SPEAKER_04Good answer.
SPEAKER_02Because you can't like, I need it seven times a week, but y'all cross some paths. Because I'm not a big quickie fan. I like the amount, I like, I like to have a session. Yeah.
SPEAKER_04I feel like we've I feel like we flip-flopped in that sense as we've gotten older.
SPEAKER_02You want to quit? You want to quit?
SPEAKER_03Because I mean like, I feel like before, like when we were younger.
SPEAKER_02Alright, you were like, you were like, look, I'm preheating the oven, let's get this done.
SPEAKER_04My chicken gotta go in in a few minutes and I got about 15 minutes to the oven start beeping. So if we can, I mean, in 15 minutes is 15 minutes is a long time.
SPEAKER_02Like, wait, like, I just kept the shower on, wait for the water to get out, let's get this done. So I can just get the water.
SPEAKER_04Okay, that's a bit much.
SPEAKER_02Get right in there.
SPEAKER_04First of all, I have a really good hot water heater. So it don't take long. So it don't take long for my hot water to get here.
SPEAKER_02You can get right, get right to it.
SPEAKER_04Yeah, but I feel like I said, I feel like we've kind of like flip-flopped about that over time. Because I feel like before, I think it's also before because it was a little bit more frequent, like before we had uh Phoenix. So you were like, yes, like I'll take a quickie. I'll I'll do it. And then I was kind of like, oh, but you can like wine and dine me. We got the afternoon.
SPEAKER_02And now that's like you got the afternoon, I'm going to sleep.
SPEAKER_04Bye. And now that you know we're older, you know, our bodies are different, our lifestyle is different. We've got a kid. I feel like now you're you're like, oh no, like let's take our time. We got the chance. Like it's it's me and you. I love you. And I'm like, I love you too.
SPEAKER_02But let's get this done.
SPEAKER_04But we gotta get it done. Because school pickup starts in an hour and a half. That means I got an hour for teeth. That's not what that means. That's not what that means because I still have to shower, get dressed, put myself together, pack her bag. So in my mind, it's like I'm thinking about four.
SPEAKER_02So that means that means I got I got about a good 15 minutes of foreplay.
SPEAKER_04Okay.
SPEAKER_02You know, then we got it.
SPEAKER_04Which is necessary.
SPEAKER_02You know what I'm saying? Then we gotta then we get into it, but then we gotta change positions. We don't want to go straight to it.
SPEAKER_04Oh my god.
SPEAKER_02You know what I'm saying? So you gotta hit three or four.
SPEAKER_04I I only need one.
SPEAKER_02Okay, I'm done.
SPEAKER_04Really?
SPEAKER_02I know. I know. I know. I know. And and the second you do it, I'd be like, here go.
SPEAKER_06And then can you look at me like, well, I look at you like that?
SPEAKER_02Well, I'm done. I'm gonna let you know right now. I'm not gonna lay here too. I'm not gonna be here too much longer.
SPEAKER_04Oh, you got that's like your six-minute mark.
SPEAKER_02Like, you gotta find people.
SPEAKER_04I try to give you like sexy eyes, like, okay, it's time to wrap it up now. But it's funny that you said that when it's uh like about like rhythm and stuff, right? So like they've done polls on how often like people, married people, I'm just referring to married people, um, are having sex. And it's always been the consensus that like once people get married that they start having less sex, and there's a bunch of contributing factors to that. Lifestyle, like we said, kids, you know, just home life, schedules, things like that. We're a busy household. They say, like, on average, depending on where you are in your marriage, you know, a lot of different factors two to three times a week, right? Two to three times a week. But someone else's two to three times a week compared to someone else's one time a week, both be can't be considered to be healthy.
Quality Over Quantity
SPEAKER_04Yeah, but it it depends on the time but it also depends on it depends on the people that's if you have if you're a sensible person you understand that we this the only time we got we we we we're using the best of the time we have so is so is it quality or quantity i think quality matters quality so would you rather have a quality session once a week i can always get a quick one myself right solo oh you know oh you know what i'm saying and i gotta hold me over hold me over to hold you over is crazy you know hold me over to hold you over is crazy i me personally i take quality over over quantity right so that's what i'm saying like for most people when you be tired i'll be like i wait i'm good you ain't gonna piss me off in here you ain't gonna piss me off why what do you mean piss you off how do you piss you off you be tired okay we get into it okay and that usually perks me up a little bit and perk you up you start feeling good yeah then you since you already tired the second you get yours I'm taking it you done and since you always as long as I don't have nothing to do and since you always get yours first you be done first you'd be like I'm done you'd be like I'm like well that's it that is not don't play me don't play me that's why I'm like I am a team player yeah you hit with I'll get you tomorrow baby okay don't oh demel get you not play my life get you tomorrow do not play my life you are lying you are lying do not play my life proof what what do you mean to prove we don't have to prove we don't record ourselves you don't record unless you want to start another social media I don't oh I mean just just a whore just nasty we can do faceless I have tattoos we can cover them up you thought about this huh do you want me to retire you or not not like that teasing I barely kiss you in public so I know that's a lie I'm not I kiss you but like I'm not finna like tongue you down so I'm for sure not finna get on nobody's camera and show my ass cheeks that is I have a that is wild on camera with your ass cheeks out Demel I wasn't clapping them no you wasn't but they out okay I was probably at the beach or something but they they out we're gonna okay you're doing a lot you're doing a lot for a little you're doing a lot for a little anyway like I was saying one time a week could be as equally healthy as someone 20 times I mean I mean 20 times a week 20 times a week five times a day absolutely who has time for that unemployed people apparently so like there's no sustenance there though it can't be I don't know I mean maybe he's just a one minute man so it's always quick so it's five minutes total yeah okay that could make sense see that work for you that wouldn't work for me oh because you're I'm gonna give you I'm gonna give you two times to get up in there for the day you say you don't you don't want to waste my time no you're not gonna do that okay because I I know you don't understand from my perspective because you're the penetrator so that's gonna it's gonna be a hard no for me it's gonna look that's gonna be a hard no for me okay it's gonna be a hard no you get two times in one day okay and then I'm I'm I feel like twice a day is sometimes might be a little be too much it depends it depends on what's going on for the day because if you if you get me right if you give me really right that first time I'm sleeping the rest of the day no you've you've given me uh the eyes before a couple of hours later I didn't mean it I didn't have nothing I didn't have nothing left I didn't mean it because I didn't have nothing left I was calling your bluff you were trying to be you trying to be flirtatious I was calling your bluff I said she ain't gonna bite she ain't gonna bite as crazy um so with the whole one time a week to two three times a week to five times a week
Reading the Room
SPEAKER_04like we said there's a lot of other determining factors but there's also like um what type of sex is happening I mean because I think there is a difference between like having a a good session where you're both into it and then having a session where one person feels like I'm not I'm not I'm not I'm not tolerating no starfishing. No what? No starfishing oh my God you know I don't tolerate I will I will get my dick back I'm going to world did you say get a dick back I can't stand you I'm not tolerating give him a dick back at this age I understand I I am I I am well past my sexual peak you're not gonna waste my erection you're not you're not past your sexual peak no you're going like this actually you should be going like this you're not gonna waste the ones I got left oh no I mean you know that's why I don't like I don't try to like poke the poke the bear oh all the time you know unless like I really feel like getting called if you you ain't gonna poke but you point a finger this way I'm on it but yeah I know you can interpret anything as a come hither when it's really not a come hither it is me standing at the uh sink trying to wash dishes and then my nightgown just so happens to be hiked up a little bit is not an invitation I'm on it it's called read the rooms in the room in the room said come hither nothing about me standing up there washing dishes listening to my audiobook said anything about oh yeah come downstairs downstairs washing dishes in your moo because I sleep in a moo moo with your with in the if you walk around house and moo that's come hither that's not come hither that's I just woke up in the comments I guarantee you it is if you come down if you walk right out some moo that's come hither and I'm in there I'm talking about in it as soon as I especially when I when I say I say is that a moo yeah is that a moo and she ain't got no drawers on ho ho ho I I see what you're saying I see what you've done for others and I see what she about to do for me by you know I see what it is no you don't see what it is you don't and that's that's another thing reading the room I read the room you don't read the room all the time okay you don't read the room and I and I've we've talked about this before about you reading the room and about how you be uh letting your own self down because you didn't read the room like if you would have read the room properly and know that like okay this is a this is actually a good opportunity and my chances are high. My chances are always high because your chances are not always I do they're high no they're not they are they're not when you see me trying to get her stuff together I gotta be out of here by a certain time I'm already stressed I can't even get myself properly together and then you asking me to make you food or doing something for you to doing 19 things at once that is not the opportune time to start come up here and trying to grab my hips talking about can we uh you want to just uh go upstairs real quick absolutely not sir you miss every shot you don't my brain is not my brain is not there my brain is not thinking that you say that but 40% of the time you be like come on the mail if if I know that I can like 40% of the time you might come on that I can um it like have that time with you and it not feel like I'm just saying here hurry up and come on then yes but if you be like go lock the door and I'll be like okay I can't I'm gonna lock that door you're gonna lo okay okay and I don't give she can come to the door crying I'm not opening it so I'm done that's not true because she has interrupted many times not I stopped you stop not not all the time but there has been some times where you stop you don't stop all the time I don't stop at all my baby be needing me she can wait I'm almost done okay you don't be though that's the thing you don't be I'll be like sir there's a rhythm you hear the rhythm that's supposed to help I went on that I wasn't on that tempo you supposed keep going okay some of the reasons that most of the top reasons that a lot of women say that they probably are having as much sexy time as they would like to is the number one is just being too tired being
Why Women Say They’re Too Tired
SPEAKER_04exhausted um the day to day the the schedule the doing school doing extracurricular activities play dates you're a great mother okay you are a great mother bitch you're doing a good job bitch you're doing a good job we appreciate you you know um but because of that like a lot of them say sex requires energy and like how you've already said you don't want it if you feel like I've been because if I ain't got the energy but if you really if you really want to get it in I don't want I don't want to you know I don't want to be like making you feel bad and trying to like turn you down and stuff so I can give you what I got but I can't give you what I don't have.
SPEAKER_02If I come in all you got left is manager special I don't want it.
SPEAKER_04Okay first of all I don't want it first of all you're not gonna refer to me as a manager special let's start there I'll wait less than I'll wait until you got that rhyme back on the shelf I'll wait I don't want that manager special until it's back in stock until it's back in stock go ahead get your get your rest let it marinate overnight okay you know okay you know okay it says sex is one of the primary ways men experience uh connection okay yeah I get that we've heard we've talked about that before I mean yeah but there's other ways it's gotta be more ways guys I think it's more about I think I think it's more about feeling wanted as a man yeah well that's where the connection comes from like you wanting to feel wanted don't just use me for my wallet
Sex as Connection for Men
SPEAKER_04oh I don't I don't I don't okay I don't I don't let's put the bank records and see the lie detector determined that was a lie that was a lie you just said you was hanging out with your book friends after you left your gym friends okay then you were your Starbucks friends okay your friends everywhere you go okay that makes my experience in the establishment that much more enjoyable duh okay um women say that they don't feel emotionally connected for some women emotional disconnection makes their sexual desires hard to access I get it do you I get it no I get it that's why I make sure you know your desires okay that but your desire doesn't necessarily like boost my desire I do the things you like oh you mean like uh when you're uh doing things that I don't necessarily have to ask for you to do yes I call that putting a fire uh putting a log on the fire okay every now and then I put a couple logs on the fire so so when it comes time around for me to get something I want you like you know what he's been he been feeding me he's been feeding an internal fire so you're not doing it because you want to no no it's always everything's uh always for the means to the end you know as long as I get the the end result I need so tech it's for you but it's for us because if I don't get what I want you suffer that's not true okay that's not true okay that's I I mean I live I live the experience do you I do so that's not I don't mean that's not necessarily true. How do you feel feel when men say I'm I'm always the one initiating how do I feel yeah do you think that's true that men initiate most of most of the time um if their if their primary way of connection is physical then yeah that could be true.
SPEAKER_02Yeah if that's their primary way to connect. I understand that our brains are different and especially now that we're getting up during age I I I know that our brains are different so you know there's you know 60 seconds in a minute and 40 little sec 40 those seconds are spent with me thinking well damn look at that ass over there so and I understand that you might use two seconds an hour thinking about ass and getting having getting some sex yeah that's why two seconds an hour is crazy though but that's why I but I it's more than two seconds but that's that's why I bridge the gap oh right I come actually you have enough for the both of us that's what I can't that's what as a leader I take care of that I take care of that as a leader I take care of that remind you every time hey I'm here in case you want hey you'd be like hey right here right here always got a lap for me to sit on uh yeah so some in the middle too okay uh that's okay you don't have the there's people listening um um women say carrying too much of the mental load so schedules doctor's appointments groceries work deadlines please don't make
Mental Load and Non-Sexual Affection
SPEAKER_02me cut you please don't make me cut you i don't I don't believe in violence but I do believe in self-defense but you know I like when you get violent though I don't believe in violence but I believe in self-defense so if you cut me it's gonna do it every time it'll be self-defense is it yes okay it will be self-defense because you drove me to it okay so same thing all right it didn't have to be physical but okay you drove me to it so um other women say needing more affection that is non-sexual affection and attention you say that a lot okay because I was just gonna say we just had this conversation can you give me some non-sexual yeah but no I'm a sexual being okay but the thing is like how you say in order for you to get what you want I do I'll be like let me go ahead and throw some vlogs in that fire.
SPEAKER_04But I be having to remind you sometimes because look here be having to remind you sometimes like hey although I love the attention and I love that you make me feel that I'm wanted and that I'm desired what also is nice is a good embracing intimate hug without you trying to put your hands in my pants. I don't know that's also why can't it be both that's also nice why can't it be both because just like how you say don't make you feel like I'm just here for your wallet don't make me feel like you just here for my body.
SPEAKER_02I am everything everything else is everything else is a bonus.
SPEAKER_04Okay I got you everything else is a bonus I got you you know that's that's bonus okay but I I I was attracted to you physically first okay and that may be true but that's not your number one priority reason for being with me. Okay so that's what I'm saying but I but that's what I'm saying that's the perk but that's but like that's like me saying one of the reasons that attracted me to you uh that that that got me on board with marrying you is because it's like oh okay he knows how to secure a bag and he knows how to pay bills and you be lying you know what I mean you be lying to yourself because I was I was Poe you wasn't Poe I was po we got you wasn't Poe I was Poe. You wasn't Poe I did you have did you have a lot I had no I had great health insurance that's all you put off of I had great health you had excellent health insurance and then I didn't realize how beneficial that was until the age of 25 until you got on it I didn't realize I was looking at this whole life thing wrong. So I keep that in the back of my mind to have a conversation with my daughter as she gets older and getting into them date them dating ages we had great health insurance in the 20s it's like girl you got to look at the full picture. When I knew we had
When Sex Isn’t Satisfying
SPEAKER_04great health insurance when I saw that bill from you giving birth and it said you pay zero but I saw the amount of what it costs and I said or when they had called us when we were in the hospital asking you about um I remember that when I was holding her y'all doing too good. Y'all really doing a lot it was just one baby.
SPEAKER_02It's a lot for one baby God forbid I hear eight on the floor by I hear eight on the floor um let's see uh sometimes okay here we go according to the studies okay women say the sex that they be having don't be satisfying so that's also a reason that's their fault because and this is what I always say don't I always say don't lie to the guy right you gotta be vocal because you know I've been vocal before like hey you can be it wasn't it wasn't your best it wasn't bad it wasn't your best but because you and me is locked in like that I'm gonna give you another chance I'm like well I'm gonna give you one more chance and that just means I can come around and she but when you said that you messed up I said because I mean when I the days where I wanted back to back to back if I just give a terrible performance at first Goodbye I'm I'm I'm gonna have the same sensation at the end no matter what it it doesn't matter.
SPEAKER_04So but I like what I can't what I can't be doing is letting too many sessions go by go too many sessions pile up where it's like I if I walk away and I'm like hey I'm not going to sleep I'm not I don't I mean how do you want me how do you want me to bring it to you is what I'm it's what I'm saying. What what how do I you want me to phrase it so that you don't so your feelings don't be hurt is what I'm saying.
SPEAKER_02Because we gotta come we got to come together on this I do feel like you had it you gotta you need to commute but I think that goes both ways. That goes both ways yeah yeah especially if monogamy is like I said earlier I don't I don't do I don't do starfishing by the mail I first of all it's my least favorite position you know I I need participation on both ends yeah on both ends you're nasty to get me in you know I mean so I don't do that but I but I feel like I but I feel like that's the one area if you're not talking about nothing else right you should be talking about that yeah because and don't be afraid to bring it up and if somebody gets upset then it's like why why it's for the both of us you know men have fragile I get no I get it I I get it that's like somebody trying to like politely tell you you're ugly like I get it there is no polite way you're just you're just ugly you're just bye DeVille you're just I know I know a lot of black people like oh bless your heart no this your baby bye you don't talk about nobody baby bless his heart bless his heart um let's see the other uh bodies changing women's bodies changing yeah y'all y'all look here y'all go through so much it's crazy I know I said dang didn't you just didn't have a change
Body Changes and Desire
SPEAKER_02last week really changed really didn't you just have a change last week you should probably slow down and kind of level off try to level off a little bit yeah we wish we could I wish you could too I wish I could too it'd be bad it'd be stressing me out because the way I was the way I was going after that jersey mics yesterday my word devour I didn't even finish it you playing me don't play me like that devour um let's see not feeling desirable anymore I think that goes both ways yes I feel like as a man you don't feel desired if you got if you're constantly the one initiating then you don't feel like um you're desired don't be touching my screen well I can't touch your screen I don't touch your screen okay whatever whatever don't whatever don't don't whatever's me whatever on some studies some women say they just simply don't desire their husband I I get that because sometimes I walk in there I look at my oh my god is she I don't no don't touch me irritating me today that it's it's you go I feel like that's just natural you go through in any relationship marriage you're gonna go you're gonna have those times where you're gonna look across and be like I can't stand this motherfucker love him to death I can't stand them but today I'm gonna kill him oh if I if I come up missing or like some random story y'all like whatever happened to Kinesha you got it on tape you got it on it's on it's gonna be on a reel it really on a reel it's gonna be on a reel he said it I'm not even gonna repeat it because I know y'all heard it but I'm being honest like that that I can understand how that happens because you're you're gonna have every day is not you know uh rainbows and sunshine yeah and and glitter sparkle go ahead and sing the song Maurice because I feel like you want to know baby purple color glitter sparkle so that I mean I can get it some some like you're gonna have you're gonna have times and points in your relationship where like it's just you're not gonna click. Right.
SPEAKER_04And desire is gonna be something different because I feel like when we think about desire we think about um just like physical aspect but it could be personality it can be characteristics it can be anything like that. But I will say uh because something just popped into my head it was a video that I saw the other day and it was a guy who posted his before and after and he posted like videos of what he looked like before when he was married right and it was like uh it said um his he was a husband and this is who his wife cheated on. Oh yeah did you see that he was like all like all out of shape like never took care of himself no shaving no nothing but then fast forward it's like once he got divorced he lost like 80 pounds got in the gym cut his hair that's like he's doing all the things and everyone's like but what I don't understand is why wait until you get a divorce to start working on yourself.
SPEAKER_02It's not it's it's it's here's the thing it's not that he waited It's just different people have different caliphaces. And that was that was the the the moment that pushed him. That's just like how it's the same you see all the time. Women do the transformation videos too. Oh, he oh, she was overweight, he cheated on her, and now they broke up and now she got serious about her health, and now she looked completely different.
SPEAKER_04Yeah, I think it's a combination of things.
SPEAKER_02I think it's a combination, and how they get they get back.
SPEAKER_04Well, I think it's a combination of things. I think it's uh combination of um being content and just being comfortable. You get comfortable, right? Because you you have this understanding that because you're married, we've committed to forever. So no matter what version of me that's gonna pop up, it's expected that you're still gonna be there, right? Yeah, then I think it is life getting in the way and you constantly putting yourself on the back burner and not how not understanding how putting yourself on the back burner not only affects you inside and on the outside, but that also has an effect on your partner. Yeah. And how your partner perceives you, how your partner probably desires you, right? So then when you go through like a breakup, now you're in a space where either for the first time you have space and time to literally focus inward and be able to focus on self. You have less distraction. You have less distraction, right? Um, and then also, or you start using it as a distraction because of what you're going through.
SPEAKER_06You lock in.
SPEAKER_04You right? So I think it's the same way when you have some people, like one of the influencers that I follow, she's a now she's a fitness influencer, but at the height of her weight, she was 370 pounds. Now she's like 185 pounds and she's a bodybuilder and she's like had all these, she she looks amazing, right? But she ended up getting a divorce from her husband, and now she's like dating, and everybody in the comments is like, oh, so you you lost a bunch of weight and then you wanted to be back out on the scene. I think it's the same thing.
SPEAKER_02It's like all of that can be a distraction too. I think she lost the weight to get back on the scene. Right. But what I'm saying is like the distraction as part of as part of her healing journey for herself, right? Just like we said the example of a boy. I think that was part of his own personal right. We have men have feelings too. We don't want to be left. I know, but what I'm saying is to be rejected.
SPEAKER_04But what I'm saying is it's I think when things like that happen where people do the transformation, like once they're no longer together, um, it's because it's something that you've ignored, I think, right? Okay. I think it's something about within yourself, in your psyche life, you know, dealing with growing with a person. Like there's a lot that goes into play why people either lose themselves or why they feel like they don't have an identity or why they don't do things for themselves. And then slowly but surely it drives, it could drive a wedge between you and your partner, or like finding that there's a lack of desire, or because it's how you feel about yourself, you don't realize that you're pushing that type of energy off to your partner too. And then your partner is sensing it, and it's like that's where the block can come in.
SPEAKER_02This is kind of off topic what we're talking about. In those situations, I feel like that's where you need to have you need to have open, I think you need to have a common, open conversation with your partner, right?
SPEAKER_04Conversations that could potentially hurt your feelings, right?
SPEAKER_02But those conversations are necessary. Yeah, like if you want your partner to look a certain way to remain attracted to you, and that that matter, you that needs to be that needs to be said. Like, okay, like like if I say, hey, babe, you know what? A little rough. I need to you know what I mean? But that's that that but that's me being open on how how I see you. I see that. Now I'm saying if you're being honest, I'm not I'm not saying you're saying this to hurt them, right? Right completely different things,
Rapid Fire Sex Questions
SPEAKER_02right? Right, right. But it's like, but then it was again, like like like because we've had stories about this in the past, and I've and I'll and I'll say the same thing. My thing is always lead by example, encourage her to do, like, and encourage the the the better partner, yeah, the other partner for the better eating, the being more like that, or whatever it is, but but don't come to like if you come to her come to your partner with the issue, you come at you come to them with the issue with with through the through the lens of love, or them at the focus, caring, yeah. Like you're not like don't come through it, don't don't start the conversation with judgment, you know what I mean? Yeah, like hey, I I'm I I know I know this is in you, yeah. I don't I I'm I'm worried about you and like offer is there something I can do, yeah, you know, or what can we do together to get you in a better headshot? Because I thought a lot of times a lot of times, you know, as partners, we're not always open to communicate to each other exactly what we're going through mentally. It's a lot of times we're we're carrying a mental burden um by ourselves because we don't want to impose our problems on our partner and and then put more more problems or more stress on top of the relationships, which in hindsight it does it anyway because now you're acting different because you're trying to right because you're trying to compartmentalize what you're feeling and then what you have to do.
SPEAKER_04And we know that we know that like they say, sex can be a big indicator to that. Yeah, so yeah.
SPEAKER_02You start you start throwing it back. You stop if you stop throwing it back, I'm gonna I'm gonna throw you out.
SPEAKER_04Okay, okay. We're we're gonna move on. Let's let's move on. What? Let's move on. What what's the problem? If you stop throwing it back, I'm gonna throw you out. The mail. Is that wrong? Yes, you think I'm lying? I don't care if you're lying or not, you the one that's gonna be suffering, not me.
SPEAKER_02Not on Broad Street.
SPEAKER_04The mail. Give me a give me a loft. Get you a loft? You wouldn't you wouldn't have a lot of money. You know how a law.
SPEAKER_02I don't like a city woman.
SPEAKER_04I was just gonna say, I was like, you wouldn't, you would not live in a loft. Okay, rapid fire question.
SPEAKER_02I am not a city woman.
SPEAKER_04Uh, what's enough sex to you? Weekly, monthly, or whenever uh both of us want it. Whenever it whenever both of us want it.
SPEAKER_01Whenever I want it. No, it's not just whenever you want it.
SPEAKER_04Um is sexual frequency more important than sexual quality?
SPEAKER_01No, quality.
SPEAKER_04Uh, can you have a happy marriage with very little sex?
SPEAKER_02Yeah, I think it I think that I think this relationship, no. Okay. But I think it's possible. Anything is.
SPEAKER_04Uh, can you have a oh, does your spouse have a responsibility to care about your sexual needs? Yes.
SPEAKER_02Yes. If you don't want me to cheat, if you want me to stay here.
SPEAKER_04I mean, that you know how I feel about cheating. Oh, that has nothing, I don't think if that's the situation, like I always say, if that's the situation you want to put yourself in and you want to deal with those consequences, by all means. It's a good thing.
SPEAKER_02It's a good thing I have you sign paperwork and you don't read it.
SPEAKER_04Boy bye. Um, oh, Phoenix's doctor's appointment. Sorry, you just got a message. Uh, you see how they message me. Okay. Not you. Um do your job. Damn, please don't make I'm gonna throat punch you. You remember how I throat punched you the light the other night? You remember? I like when you get violent, it turns me on.
SPEAKER_02Um you know what they say about me, right?
SPEAKER_04I I don't really care what they say about you.
SPEAKER_02I don't like toxic women.
SPEAKER_04Uh, does scheduling sex make it easier or less romantic? Easier sometimes both ways. Yeah.
SPEAKER_02Because sometimes, sometimes look here. That's all you got. Friday, 1202.
SPEAKER_04Bye. Which hurts worse? Sexual rejection or emotional rejection?
SPEAKER_02For me, emotional. Okay. You've been telling me no for a long time.
SPEAKER_04Should the lower desiring spouse determine how often sex happens?
SPEAKER_02I mean, they already are.
SPEAKER_00What kind of question is that? They already are.
SPEAKER_04Is the lack of sex usually the problem or the symptom of another problem?
SPEAKER_02I think it's a symptom of another problem.
SPEAKER_04Yeah.
SPEAKER_02Yeah, like you're not listening.
SPEAKER_04Um, if your spouse told you tonight I'm sexually unsatisfied in our marriage, would you become defensive or curious?
SPEAKER_01I just get naked. Let's work this out. I don't think you would get any if you did that.
SPEAKER_02Well, let's work this out. You're not satisfied. Let's work it out.
SPEAKER_04I don't why would you have to get naked for that?
SPEAKER_01Because we're we're gonna work through it. We're gonna get through it. You wouldn't get any. I would, I would not be willing. I would go read a book.
SPEAKER_04Um while I would go read a book in a different room, away from you and your nakedness. Uh you just lying. No, I would. You're lying. I would. If I came, if I physically came to you with a genuine concern, and your reaction was to take your clothes off and tell me that we're gonna work through it. I'm grabbing my Kindle, my blanket, my cold drink, and I'm going to another room. And I'm just gonna enjoy my evening alone. You sure? I'm positive. Actually, I'm quite positive. Okay. Um, all right, guys, let's hop into the question of the working.
SPEAKER_02All right, quick two cents. Okay, my question, I don't know if I have one now. I don't know. Um, I
Quick Two Cents: Work Husband or Work Wife?
SPEAKER_02don't know if I asked you this. I'm gonna ask this anyway. Should a married person ever have a work husband or a work wife? Should what? Should a married person ever have a work husband or a work wife?
SPEAKER_04Um, okay. So when you say work husband, work wife, I know that's intended to be in like a joking way because you probably spend more time at work than home. Um, but I know like a lot of people don't like that, including myself. So I'm gonna say no.
SPEAKER_01Oh, okay.
SPEAKER_02Do you mind you want my take on it?
SPEAKER_04I mean, if you want to share.
SPEAKER_02I think it depends on the parameters of the of the of the relationship. I think it's just, it's just, I think it's just it's it's I feel like it's it's it's friendly banter that could go too far if it's taken too far. I think if I think if the if the dynamic and the boundaries are set and firm and no one's crossed it, it's fine.
SPEAKER_04But that's why you shouldn't start it so that there's never any issue of it possibly going south. So like I said, because the thing is, is what's the thing? The the thing about it is if you don't start making it okay, then that doesn't leave, then that leaves no room for it to cross over to being something that it shouldn't be. Okay. So if we start off saying, like, oh, that's my work husband, that's my work wife, subconsciously, it's almost like saying that we're a little bit closer than what we need to be as employees or co-workers. Okay, because we spend so much time in a meeting in each other's uh presence, right? Okay, and that's how you can slowly but surely get feelings get get or or things can go. Okay, me and my work husband, right? I work, I work together with my work husband. Then it becomes, oh, let's let's go to lunch. And then the uh around the watering hole at work is like, y'all always together. Yeah, because he's my work husband. So now you'd have moved on from having cutesy names together to going to lunch alone to maybe doing things like on the Easter.
SPEAKER_02You're taking it too far.
SPEAKER_04Not taking it too far, not taking it too far. I I I know people who have had work affairs. Oh, well, I've so I know I'm not taking it too far. I'm different, which is why I say we don't play the work husband work wife thing. We don't play that. You didn't have a problem with my wife, my work wife. You didn't have a work wife, and I'm gonna throat punch you in a second. You didn't have a work wife, you did. I didn't know you didn't anymore. Demale. I mean, we still work for the same company. Who was your work wife? Lizzie was my work wife. She was not your work wife, she was your co-worker and your friend. She was not your work wife, and she's a whole married woman with children. Yes, relax. And she knew I was a married man. Jamale, I'm not gonna you're walking out together. You find you're about to find a new way to piss me off. Move on, move on. Move on. Move on. We're moving on to. I don't know, but do it. Move on. Comment of the week.
SPEAKER_02The comment of the week, people. Okay, since my since my work wife don't want me to.
SPEAKER_06You know
Comment of the Week
SPEAKER_06what?
SPEAKER_02My work wife was my actual wife. These are the common weeks, people. I think I have two. Um, the first comment comes from the story about the hypothetical question where her husband asked, um, hypothetically, if he was to move to Australia, would she tag along? Right. And um her initial response was no. No. And so this comes from um, I want to say Jacqueline's hair. And this is on Instagram as well. She says, When I move, you move, not like that, sir.
SPEAKER_01When I move, you move. Not like that.
SPEAKER_02Yeah, you gotta be born in the 1900s to get that.
SPEAKER_03Okay.
SPEAKER_04Oh, you gotta be born in the 1900s to get that. Bye.
SPEAKER_02And the next comment also comes from um Instagram. This is about um the hypothet, this is about the the fifth, this in response to the the clip about the 15 years where they didn't talk to each other.
SPEAKER_04Oh, that's towards it, this is we have an update on that.
SPEAKER_02We do have an update on that. Yeah, and towards the end, I had said, like, oh, I could do that as long as I'm getting uh long as I'm getting I'm still getting some ass.
SPEAKER_00Oh my god.
SPEAKER_02And my wife said, if I'm not talking to you, I'm not gonna get no ass. Right. So then I said, So then um, what is this? God is a God. God travels says game changer when the bed changes. I said, look here. Facts. I said, I mean, as long as as long as you know my intimate was gonna stay the same, I was cool. We ain't gotta talk much.
SPEAKER_04We ain't gotta talk much, bye.
SPEAKER_01As soon as you changed in, I said, nah. That's crazy, man. Nah, we're not gonna do that. Okay. So
Update: Silence Became the Marriage
SPEAKER_01we have to update we do have the update to that one.
SPEAKER_04So additional information for silence uh became the marriage. That's what it's labeled. Um, so it's from our booski. Um, we have four children, all grown, two are happily married and have great careers. The other two are still living at home. One is attending a local college, the other is physically and mentally disabled and still requires our care and support. I did forgive him for the things that happened in our marriage, including the cheating. So she did forgive him. However, forgiveness did not bring back the romantic or sexual connection between us. Okay. I had emotionally checked out of our marriage a long time ago because of the hurt and the betrayal that I experienced. He rarely interacts with us, uh, doing in-house family game night movies and et cetera. We've always taken yearly vacations and gone on outings with friends. However, my conversations with him remain focused only on essential matters and practical issues. I am comfortable with the way our relationship is now, functioning more like roommates. There is no sexual relationship, well, between us.
SPEAKER_01Okay.
SPEAKER_04I've reached a point where I'm choosing to focus on my own life, my peace, and the things that matter to me, while also being mindful of the needs and well-being of the two children who are still at home. Forgiving him was something I chose to do for myself, but it did not change how I felt romantically or sexually. And I do not want to pretend that it does. I am also financially able to take care of myself, and I have told him that he is free to leave whenever he is ready, and I am at peace with that. Okay, so he's the one that's sticking around.
SPEAKER_02Well, it's it seems like they stayed together for the kids.
SPEAKER_04Well, yeah, and then like how she has-four and one is disabled.
SPEAKER_02Right, but it seems like they stay together for the kids. Maybe, I mean, someone in the comments said maybe it was a healthcare thing. And they said she has to kill the kids. She has the one that's disabled, yes.
SPEAKER_04That that may be But like she also said that she's told him basically you're free to leave at any given point.
SPEAKER_02At this point, I'm okay. But at this point, it's cheaper to keep her. It's cheaper to keep her. That situation I'm in. Bye. Even if something was happening. You can go. I I can't. You can. It's cheaper to keep you.
SPEAKER_05You can go.
SPEAKER_02It's it's cheaper for me to give us to be up there like Lucy and Ricky.
SPEAKER_04No, you can go.
SPEAKER_02Um okay. I'm going for wherever you go, I go.
SPEAKER_04So, okay, so are you only with me because you think that I'm gonna take you for everything you got?
SPEAKER_02No, I'm not. I'm with you because I love you. But if we get to that point, I'm still I'm gonna be with you because I know you can get everything I got. So I might as well stay where my money's at.
SPEAKER_04I don't want everything you have.
SPEAKER_02Okay, just 85%.
SPEAKER_04I just however I'm living at that time, okay. You just need to maintain that until I feel like I need to go somewhere else.
SPEAKER_01Respond to the lady.
SPEAKER_04Okay, I mean that's more, that's more backstory. So at least we now understand like why they are still in the same household.
SPEAKER_02I'm gonna still, I'm gonna, you're I don't I still don't feel like she's not she not the asshole still. I still wouldn't talk until he cheated.
SPEAKER_04So he changed the whole dynamic of the relationship.
SPEAKER_02And again, I'm gonna say the side chick left him.
SPEAKER_04Bye. And that's why he's trying to like and that's why or maybe, or maybe he feels as though enough time has passed, and because she's years and she said that she did forgive, she's basically saying she forgave him, but she didn't forget. And he's probably in the stage where, okay, you've forgiven me. I've moved past that in my life, and I want to try to make our marriage a marriage again. And she's basically like, but I'm cool with how things are now, and if you want to, you're actually more than welcome to leave.
SPEAKER_02She said, Nah, player.
SPEAKER_04Yeah, she said, rolling up the distance. Okay, um, let's see. Here we go. This one is from Abuski.
SPEAKER_02This is from a comment.
SPEAKER_04Yeah, well.
SPEAKER_02She wanted to have our we're just gonna read it.
SPEAKER_04Yes. Uh, she said, Hey there, love you both, enjoy watching your channel. I wanted your take on what I'm about to say, being that you are a married couple. Okay, let's see what you got. I'm finna throat punch him. So, my guy friend and I were having conversations where he made a comment about most married men are having a hard time getting intimacy from their wives. I'm sure there are many reasons for that, but wanted your take on why this is uh why this is from the point of view of oh, from your point of view or experience.
unknownGo ahead.
SPEAKER_04You want to answer that? I'm not a man. She was having a conversation with a man. So why do you think men are not getting intimacy? Because I know for you, intimacy and like sex can be two different things, but for most men, intimacy means sex.
SPEAKER_02Um I mean, I've said this many times. If if you're not as a man, as the leader, if you're not getting the results that you want, then you're not going about something the right way. So if you figure out, and my this is what I would do. I first of all, let me say I did I don't have a problem getting my intimacy. She throwing that ass bad.
SPEAKER_00Okay, bye.
SPEAKER_02But you figure, yeah, as a man, you need to figure out you still have to do your part. Being a provider doesn't mean that you just pay the bills. It doesn't mean you just, you know, you you buy her nice things and and you you still have to be actively present in the relationship. You have to, you know, paying the bills doesn't justify, oh, I paid the mortgage this month, so I better get some ass. That's not how this shit works. You know, if you have to actually do the things to entice the intimacy out of her, you know, you have to make her feel safe, you have to make her feel wanted, make things in her life easier, and nine nine out of ten times, if that if you have a good woman, those things will be reciprocated and you will get the intimacy you're looking for. So as a man, I always say it starts with you. So if you're not getting something that you want or something you need, you're either not communicating properly or you're not going about your business properly to obtain uh to achieve what you uh set out to achieve.
SPEAKER_04Now, what about the men who feel entitled? And I say it, I say it like this a lot of men, I'll now I won't even say a lot of men, only because I've I've just from what I've seen on clips and things, have made statements of women know how men are. They're visual creatures and they are physical, right? So some of them think that if I'm in a relationship with you and I'm choosing to be in a relationship with you, then you being in a relationship with me as a man, like me being a man, you should automatically know that you giving it up when I want it is to be expected.
SPEAKER_02That sounds like a predator. Just say that's that's like the shark saying, uh, you know I'm a shark, I'm hungry, I'm gonna eat.
SPEAKER_04But that's but that's the I mean that's that's so what's that's what some of them do. It's like, okay, but you know how men are, and you know uh men, like men think about sex and men want sex. So if you're not giving but if you're not giving me sex, then what do you expect me to do?
SPEAKER_02I don't then I'm gonna go out there and get it. I don't even I don't even like I don't even like when men say you know I men are because a lot of these people out here that say they men ain't men. When they say what? They say they men and they ain't they ain't men. No, they have no moral you they have no morals, no integrity, they have no self-control. They can't control themselves. So I mean, so what what standard of men are you comparing yourself to? You think as you have testosterone and your balls drop that makes you a man?
SPEAKER_04No, it it's because that they're just a men. They're just men.
SPEAKER_02That'll make you a man.
SPEAKER_04And that and that that's all that needs to be said.
SPEAKER_02I'm a man, being men require sex. Being a male, being a male lion doesn't automatically make you the head of the pride.
SPEAKER_04Okay, okay. I like that. I like that. All right, moving along.
SPEAKER_02That'll make you the alpha. You ain't you ain't you ain't wolf, you ain't pack leader just because you a man.
unknownPack leader is crazy.
SPEAKER_04Um, am I the asshole for leaving my sister-in-law's used underwear on the kitchen table?
SPEAKER_00I don't know. Where'd you get this shit from?
SPEAKER_04I don't know if you are. Let's let's read and see. Okay. So my 32 year old female fiance, uh 29 male, is deployed overseas and has asked me to help with putting together a cake package, or I'm sorry, a care package of stuff uh from his house that he needs. He currently has three people he lets live with him sister, sister. fiance and another friend. My man has expressed his intent, sorry, has expressed his intent to have everyone moved out early next year and me move in over the summer after he's back from deployment. He's been having some challenges with the roommates not carrying their weight of housework chores, household chores. It's an ongoing problem. Mind you, he doesn't charge them rent. Yes, you read that correctly. They are all living there rent-free. Damn, I need the first The first time I went over to get the package, he asked me to report back the condition. The sister had turned his bedroom into a dumping ground of all kinds of things and pushed off, uh pushed out of their way on the dresser to move their own stuff in. He wasn't cool with it and making the bedroom a mess. I moved the stuff to the kitchen table, reorganized his bedroom and carried on. Why the kitchen table? Well, I didn't think it was my place to retaliate and dump things half hazardly in their room and that's the only surface in the house that would hold everything. He had a conversation with them about it. Fast forward to Friday, I go to pick up a package and other items and I'm actually mid FaceTime with them. He sees in real time the junk has been tossed on our $400 kayak that a wraparound ring camera is damaging the doorframe and his personal bedroom has reverted back to a dumping ground slash storage unit once again, including used underwear and slippers. So once again I moved everything back to the kitchen table cleaned up his room and closed the door including the used underwear because who does that? He had another conversation with them setting the expectations again. His room is not to be used as storage or a storage container while he's away and while he's gone um the kayak is not to be used as a shelf. He had another conversation with them about the expectations. I noticed today that the sister of fiance have removed me from all of their social media. I get the feeling that they're mad at me because they've been held accountable. I can absolutely see it being viewed as she's getting us in trouble and making him lay down the law. I have my own feelings about the entire circus but it's strictly something my fiance and I discuss privately I've obviously uh pissed someone off I've obviously PO'd some future family although they haven't talked to me about it. It already feels awkward. So am I the asshole?
SPEAKER_02No first of all tell him just burn the house down because that's the price that house probably nasty as fuck. Someone just sell the house.
SPEAKER_04But how you make it somebody else's house rent free and then be a a dirty monster and keep their house in a shamble that's so disrespectful.
SPEAKER_02Again like I said before pretty soon the privilege becomes expectation and the how how how how dare how dare how dare he or she inform him of the living conditions of that house. That's how they feel yeah he not here I guarantee they're like well if he was here it'd be different yeah yeah but he and he's letting us be here no one's using the space what's the problem right the problem is that you're not finna have roaches all over my eye that's right but not only that even if he's not here if the one place he told you to keep off limits was his bedroom just be respectful and don't push in the bedroom they don't respect shit.
SPEAKER_04Hey remove them immediately gone immediately am I the jerk for telling my friend he owes me the money after I found out he was charging people to use my EV charger. Okay go ahead a friend of mine lives in an apartment building and bought an EV a few months ago his building has basically no charging setup so I told him he could use the charger at my house whenever he needed um I have a driveway and have already gotten a charger installed there. Last weekend my neighbor asked why so many different cars had been charging at my place lately. I had no idea what he was talking about. I checked my doorbell history and over the past couple of weeks there were at least six different cars pulling into my driveway while I was at work. My friend was meeting them there, plugging them in then coming back later. I called him and he admitted that he'd been letting people use my charger at my house for $15 or $20. His reasoning was basically that I already told him that he could use the charger. The electricity wasn't costing me much and he was the one arranging everything. He also said most of them were co-workers or people that he knew not just random strangers. What really annoyed me was finding out he had made a few hundred bucks doing it and never even mentioned it to me. I told him he's not using the charger anymore unless he gives me what he made from using my property. He said that I was being ridiculous but then offered me $100 as a way to settle up and move on. I told him that wasn't really the point and now he thinks I'm dragging it out because I want all of his side hustle money. Am I being a jerk?
SPEAKER_02No straight to jail first of all I'm charging everybody with trespassing.
SPEAKER_04I was gonna say you got people trespassing on my property theft you're going to jail straight to jail do that straight to jail fuck them he thought he said you gave me permission to use it so by so by way you you sublease my charger as high as my liability is that just pissed me off.
SPEAKER_02No he told him he said it's not costing you that much that's what he told him it's not costing you that much if it cost me anything it's costing me too much.
SPEAKER_04People are so ridiculous no you're not the asshole my God straight to jealous people are horrible dude I can all right guys that's it that's it all right this has been another episode of the Life After I Do podcast if you are not doing so already um if you're new here the drill is you can follow us like us share us uh life after I do podcast on all of our social media platforms uh Facebook Instagram TikTok YouTube you can also write into the podcast um at lifeafter I do podcast at gbl.com we will love to hear your stories uh we love hearing from you guys you get a new episode every Wednesday don't forget to tell a friend to tell a friend to tell grandma because when you know everybody else will everybody know peace booskies
