Episode 49: Finding Yourself Inside Your Life - The Identity I Had to Let Go Of

Episode Title: Finding Yourself Inside Your Life - The Identity I Had to Let Go Of

On this episode of A Soulful Mom's Wisdom, Africa O. opens season seven with an honest, grounding conversation about identity — specifically, the identities we inherit, adopt, and sometimes have to release in order to find the ones that are truly ours. This is episode 49, and it marks the beginning of a new season with a new format: one overarching theme carried across the entire season, explored in increasing depth each month.

The season seven theme is finding yourself inside your life. Month one focuses on the balancing act, navigating personal identity while holding all the roles that come with motherhood and life.

Theme: Finding Yourself Inside Your Life (Month 1 — The Balancing Act)

This theme centers on the journey of discovering who you are within the life you are already living, not in a future version of your life, or once everything settles down, but right now. Month one zeroes in on the balancing act: how we manage our sense of self alongside the demands of caregiving, partnership, and everything else that claims our time and energy.

Quote

“The identity I had to let go of to find the one that was actually mine.” — Africa O.

Episode Summary

Africa begins with a personal reflection on hustle culture, not to dismiss the concept, but to examine how easily we can adopt identities that don’t actually belong to us. Whether those identities are assigned by others or absorbed from cultural narratives about productivity and success, the pressure to perform at a certain volume is real. For many, the “hustler” identity — no sleep, constant output, always grinding — becomes the default mode for anyone building something.

Africa shares a formative memory of watching her father leave for work at 5 a.m. and return at 10 p.m. every day, a man who had no choice but to play both mother and father. She honors his discipline and acknowledges how deeply his work ethic was instilled in her. But she also recognizes that her season is different. She has a choice. And how she exercises that choice matters.

That choice led her to release the false identity of the hustler and reclaim something more aligned with who she actually is. She stopped measuring her wellness platform by output volume and started defining it by intention. She stopped chasing a content schedule and started chasing her daughter. She got clear that her home, her daughter, and her health come first, not as excuses, but as the very foundation her platform is built on.

The episode closes with a powerful reframe: passion and purpose can grow in alignment with your life, not in competition with it. If you’re pursuing something meaningful, make sure it reflects who you truly are and aligns with your actual values. Forced growth is not sustainable growth.

Episode Highlights

•Introducing season seven’s overarching theme: finding yourself inside your life

•Month one focus: the balancing act of identity and motherhood

•Unpacking hustle culture and the identities we adopt without realizing it

•A personal reflection on her father’s work ethic and what she chose to carry forward

•Releasing the “hustler” identity in favor of one rooted in intention and sustainability

•Redefining a wellness platform by intention, not output volume

•Prioritizing home, health, and family as the foundation of everything she builds

•The reminder that passion and purpose should grow with your life, not against it

•Encouragement for anyone pursuing something meaningful to ensure it aligns with their values

Make sure you explore more health & wellness insights and coaching opportunities at liveafricao.com. Stay connected for more episodes of A Soulful Mom’s Wisdom.

Please be sure to rate and review the podcast. You are greatly appreciated. 

Thank you!

Transcript

[INTRO]

Welcome to A Soulful Mom’s Wisdom. I’m Africa O., your host and Wellness Guide. Each episode, I open with a quote that has shaped my own life journey in a positive way and explore how that same wisdom can uplift and do the same for you. This is a space for moms who are ready to reconnect with who they are beyond motherhood. Pull up a chair. Pour your coffee. Let’s get into it.

[EPISODE]

Hello, beautiful people. Welcome back to another episode of A Soulful Mom’s Wisdom. I am your host, Africa O., and I am thrilled to be here. I am honored to be here. And I know this episode is long overdue. Trust me, I have missed you all as much as I hope you have missed me.

As you know, I’m a one-woman show, and hence the name of my podcast and even just my platform, I have really had to take a few steps back to rest and just take care of myself overall. But I am thrilled to be back on a mic. And I have some great conversations that I would love to share with you in a safe space. That’s the goal for this podcast — and of course, hoping that whatever we share elevates your life and elevates your day.

If you do feel that way, please show some love if you’re inclined by commenting under my podcast episode, re-sharing the episode on social media, leaving me a rating — all of these things really, really do help other people find this content that you have also enjoyed. Sharing is definitely caring in this space.

All right, let’s get started. For this season of episodes, we will be following a slightly different layout. Historically, each month has had a different theme. However, instead of doing that, I am now working with one theme for the entire season, and then each month will dive a little bit deeper into it. I think that’s a great way to hold space for everything that lives under certain themes.

With that said, the theme for season seven is finding yourself inside your life. I really want to have some candid conversations with you all around what that journey looks like — the journey of finding who you are inside of your life as you know it today.

In month one, I want to speak to the balancing act, because as you know, right now — probably similar to me — you’re juggling your life, your children, your partner, or maybe it’s just you and your child, maybe it’s a family member you’re caregiving for, or all of the other things that demand your attention and time. Let’s talk about the balancing act of it all. In month one, I’m really going to speak to the balancing act of my own experience navigating identity while being a mom and building Live Africa O.

Episode 49 — that’s the episode we’re starting with and picking back up from. This quote is one that I came up with while writing a blog post that will be released very soon, which will reflect on this episode and add a little more depth. While brainstorming that blog, something came up for me, and that’s where this quote derives from.

The identity I had to let go of to find the one that was actually mine.

Interesting — very interesting. Because I think a lot of us probably have identities that have been assigned to us, especially given all the roles we move within. And then there are also identities we take on unknowingly because someone said, “This is what you have to do to accomplish X or Y.” And I think that’s what I want to talk about when I share my experience of how this quote informs my life.

There’s a term that I think many of us are familiar with, and it’s called hustle culture. I’m sure you’ve heard this word discussed in different ways — but that is one of the original terms for it. For me, I really came to a point in my journey, and I speak about this in a previous episode and blog as well, where I didn’t just surrender to hustle culture. Instead, I surrendered a false identity — the hustler, the no-sleep grind, the person who pumps out content every single day. I get it. It’s a narrative that rings true for many. If you don’t show up at a certain level, people won’t take you seriously. I’m not saying I don’t understand where it comes from. However, for me, I had to let that go and choose something more true to who I actually am.

I remember, as young as eight or nine years old, watching my father wake up at 4:30 in the morning and leave for work by 5 a.m. — only to come home around 10 p.m. A full work day. On top of everything else he was managing, he worked an incredibly long day. I feel like he’s the OG of hustle culture. He started in the corporate space, then moved into entrepreneurship — not to mention he literally had to play the role of both mother and father. My father had no choice.

However, for myself, I can honestly say that at a particular point in my life, I became privileged to have a choice. And in the season I’m in right now, that is what I have. And how I choose to exercise that choice is really important.

I decided I will not grind — staying up past my bedtime, overcaffeinating, walking around like a zombie. That is something I literally experienced, and I talked more about that in a previous episode, but I really could not sustain it. And I truly didn’t want to. I still choose to work hard. I’m a very disciplined and determined individual — shout out to my dad, I’m sure a lot of that was ingrained in me from him. But I choose to work hard in a sustainable way.

I also decided I will not assign myself to any narrative. I talk a lot in this space about mindset. Mindset definitely plays into the narratives you accept or reject around your life and around certain things within your life. So for me, the question became: will my wellness platform evolve into a larger, scalable business, or will it be a hobby? I had to reframe that. Because that framing was way too much pressure for me. It really was. I had to instead say: my wellness platform isn’t defined by output volume. It’s defined by intention. I’m going to say that again — my wellness platform isn’t defined by output volume. It is defined by intention.

I’m not chasing a content schedule. I literally spend my days chasing my daughter, a toddler and that alone is enough — amongst all of my other responsibilities. I cannot chase a content schedule just to prove this is a real business. I really do love what I do. I show up as professionally as possible. I am committed to building something. But something that reflects how I actually live. And right now, my home, my daughter, and my health all come first. I had to get clear on that. I really did. And it’s not an excuse. When I really thought about it, those things are the foundation that my platform is built on. How can I inspire and motivate you on the principles of something I’m not living? That, in itself, goes against my values. And at the end of the day, growth that is forced is not truly sustainable.

I don’t know who needed to hear that, but I wanted to share it because I have experienced it — and I know it to be true.

[TAKEAWAY]

So what’s the takeaway from this episode? If you take away anything, I hope you take away this.

Let’s circle back to the quote: the identity I had to let go of to find the one that was actually mine. What I hope you take away from that is this — the identity I found says my passion and purpose will grow in alignment with my life, not in competition with it.

If there is anyone out there right now who really desires something — something they believe will help the world, help their community, help another mom — if there’s something you’re very passionate about, maybe right now you’re not sure if it’s a business, you’re not sure exactly what it is, but you know it’s something you really want to pour into — please, by all means, find a way to go after that. Because that is very important to who you are and to what you have to bring to this world, in addition to being a mother and all the other roles you hold.

But at the same time, make sure it is associated with who you truly are. Make sure it aligns with your actual values, so that you don’t sacrifice your family, your health, or something else trying to chase it. Because in my opinion, if you have to do that, it is truly not meant for you — not in this season.

[CLOSING]

As always, I really enjoy having these honest and candid conversations with you — not because I have it all figured out. I’ve just tried some things that are working for me, and I want you to take away anything from this conversation that may work for you or someone else.

If any of this has resonated with you, please feel free to support me by re-sharing this episode with a friend or another mother who could use the support, who could use the inspiration. Feel free to leave me a comment or a review, and you can also visit me at buymeacoffee.com and support me there. I am always grateful to have these conversations with you. Thank you for listening. Talk soon.

That’s a wrap on today’s episode of A Soulful Mom’s Wisdom. I hope this quote sat with you the way it sat with me. And if it challenged you, even just a little — good. That’s where the growth lives. You showed up for yourself today, and that matters.

If you’re ready to continue this journey, come find me at liveafricao.com. Until next time — you are seen, you are safe, and your joy is worth pursuing.