Episode 55: Finding Yourself Inside Your Life - Staying in Your Own Lane

Episode 55: Finding Yourself Inside Your Life - Staying in Your Own Lane

On this episode of A Soulful Mom’s Wisdom, Africa O. explores one of the greatest threats to joy: comparison. Through honest stories from her own motherhood journey, she unpacks how comparison, judgment, guilt, and self-doubt can quietly steal our peace and distract us from the life we are actually meant to live.

As season seven continues, Africa returns to the theme of cultivating inner joy by examining the internal limitations that often stand in the way. From parenting choices and emotional regulation to work, family structures, support systems, and personal identity, this episode offers a compassionate reminder that every mother is navigating a different journey. The goal is not to become someone else. The goal is to become more fully yourself.

Theme: Finding Yourself Inside Your Life (Month 2 — Cultivating Inner Joy)

Month two of season seven focuses on understanding joy as an intentional practice while acknowledging the real limitations that can make joy more difficult to access. This episode centers on one of those limitations: comparison.

Through personal reflection and practical examples, Africa explores how comparison can show up in everyday motherhood and why returning to your own values is one of the most powerful ways to protect your joy.

Quote

“Stay in your own lane. Comparison kills creativity and joy.”

— Brené Brown

Episode Summary

Africa opens this episode by reflecting on an upcoming milestone: celebrating ten years of marriage. As she prepares for vacation and looks ahead to another decade with her husband, she shares her gratitude for growth, partnership, and the willingness to continue investing in their relationship through resources like couples therapy.

From there, she reconnects listeners with the season theme, Finding Yourself Inside Your Life, and the monthly focus on cultivating inner joy. This week's conversation centers on a quote from Brené Brown that has deeply influenced her perspective: “Stay in your own lane. Comparison kills creativity and joy.”

Africa explores the many ways comparison appears in motherhood. She discusses the pressure moms often face around parenting choices, including feeding practices, schooling decisions, screen time, play environments, and differing approaches to raising children. Through personal examples, she reflects on moments when she felt judged by others and moments when she found herself comparing her own choices to those of other mothers.

She also examines emotional regulation and mental wellness, explaining how parenting often becomes a mirror that reflects our own experiences, triggers, and opportunities for growth. Africa shares a vulnerable story about parenting through a difficult toddler meltdown and the realization that some of her reactions were connected to lessons she learned about mistakes during her own childhood.

The conversation expands into other common comparison traps, including stay-at-home motherhood versus working motherhood, single motherhood versus partnered motherhood, and the pressure to appear as though everything is perfectly together. Africa reminds listeners that what we see on the surface rarely tells the full story. Every family has different levels of support, resources, challenges, and responsibilities.

Throughout the episode, she returns to one central idea: comparison pulls us away from our values. Instead of focusing on what someone else is doing, she encourages listeners to ask whether they are actively living in alignment with their own values and priorities.

The episode closes with a powerful journal reflection and reminder that joy becomes easier to access when we stop measuring our lives against everyone else's. The most important comparison is not between ourselves and another person, but between our values and our actions.

Episode Highlights

• Why comparison is one of the greatest barriers to joy

• The difference between observation and negative judgment

• Parenting choices and the pressure moms face from family, society, and each other

• Personal stories about parenting, toddlerhood, and learning through reflection

• Emotional regulation, mental wellness, and the impact of childhood experiences

• Stay-at-home moms, working moms, and releasing productivity-based identity

• Single motherhood, partnered motherhood, and the reality of different support systems

• Why seemingly “perfect” families rarely tell the whole story

• Returning to your values instead of comparing yourself to others

• A practical journaling exercise to reconnect with what matters most

Journal Reflection

This week, spend a few quiet moments reflecting on the following questions:

• What are my core values for my life and family?

• Am I actively living in alignment with those values?

• Where has comparison been distracting me from my own journey?

• What would change if I focused more on my values than on someone else's choices?

Africa reminds us that comparison often asks us to live someone else's life. Joy asks us to fully live on our own.

Make sure you explore more health & wellness insights and coaching opportunities at liveafricao.com. Stay connected for more episodes of A Soulful Mom’s Wisdom.

Please be sure to rate and review the podcast. You are greatly appreciated.

Thank you!

Transcript

Stay in Your Own Lane: Comparison, Motherhood & Protecting Your Joy

Africa O.:

Welcome to A Soulful Mom's Wisdom. I'm Africa O., your host and holistic wellness guide.

Each episode, I share a quote that has positively shaped my life and explore how that wisdom can support you on your own journey.

This is a space for moms who are ready to reconnect with who they are beyond motherhood. So grab your coffee, get comfortable, and let's dive in.

Hello, beautiful people, and welcome back to another episode of A Soulful Mom's Wisdom.

I am so happy to be here with you today. My heart is especially full because as I record this episode, my husband and I are preparing to celebrate ten years of marriage.

Ten years.

It's a milestone I'm incredibly grateful for, and one of the reasons I'm so excited is because we're continuing to invest in our relationship. We've recently started couples therapy, and I'm thankful to have a partner who believes in continuously growing together. Marriage isn't about arriving at perfection—it's about continuing to build something meaningful over time.

As many of you know, this season's theme is Finding Yourself Inside Your Life.

No matter where you are in your journey, whether you're exactly where you want to be or trying to find your way back to yourself, the goal is the same: to experience deeper joy.

This month specifically, we're focusing on cultivating inner joy and understanding that joy is an intentional practice.

Today's Quote

The quote for today's episode comes from researcher, author, and podcast host Brené Brown:

"Stay in your own lane. Comparison kills creativity and joy."

When I think about how this quote has shaped my life, I immediately think about comparison, self-doubt, guilt, and the internal limitations we place on ourselves.

Comparison has a way of quietly stealing joy.

It can show up in motherhood.

It can show up in our careers.

It can show up in our relationships, our bodies, our homes, and even in our wellness journeys.

Today, I want to talk honestly about some of the ways comparison shows up and how we can begin releasing it.

Comparing Parenting Choices

One area where comparison often appears is in parenting.

Maybe you've heard terms like "crunchy mom," "natural mom," or "conventional mom."

Some parents are very intentional about food choices, screen time, homeschooling, or other lifestyle decisions. Others make different choices that work better for their family.

The problem isn't the choices themselves.

The problem is when we begin judging one another.

I've experienced moments where assumptions were made about the foods I served in my home or the choices I made as a parent. And while those comments may seem small, when you're already receiving opinions from family, social media, and society, they begin to add up.

Here's what I've learned:

Every family has different resources.

Every family has different values.

Every family has different support systems.

And because of that, comparison simply doesn't work.

You can never truly compare one family's situation to another.

The Myth of the Perfectly Regulated Mom

Another comparison trap is believing that some moms have everything figured out emotionally.

You know the mom I'm talking about.

The one who always seems calm.

Always patient.

Always emotionally regulated.

What we often don't see is the work behind that.

Maybe she's been in therapy.

Maybe she's spent years healing childhood wounds.

Maybe she's struggling privately while appearing calm publicly.

We don't know.

Motherhood has a way of reflecting ourselves back to us.

I've had moments with my daughter where I've caught myself responding to situations in ways that reminded me of experiences from my own childhood.

Those moments became opportunities for growth.

Not shame.

Growth.

Because awareness gives us the opportunity to choose differently.

Comparing Our Homes, Routines, and Resources

I remember when my daughter was younger and I purchased a large play area for our living room.

At the time, I had heard comments suggesting that playpens or enclosed spaces weren't ideal.

But that setup worked for our family.

It provided a safe environment for my daughter and gave me moments to regroup when I needed them.

Later, I found myself comparing our home to others.

Some families had beautiful, Pinterest-worthy playrooms.

Meanwhile, our daughter spent much of her time exploring parks, coffee shops, libraries, and outdoor spaces.

Eventually, I realized something important:

There is more than one way for a child to thrive.

More than one way to foster creativity.

More than one way to create a loving environment.

Comparing Support Systems

Comparison also appears when we look at different family structures.

Single moms may look at partnered moms and assume they have more support.

Partnered moms may look at single moms with strong community support and assume they have advantages too.

The reality is that support comes in many forms.

Some people have supportive spouses.

Some have grandparents.

Some have siblings.

Some have close friends.

Some are navigating parenthood with very little support at all.

Every situation is different.

Rather than focusing on what someone else has, I've found it more helpful to ask:

What support do I need?

And then work toward building that support system in whatever way is available.

The Mom Who Seems to Have It All

Another common comparison trap is looking at the mom who appears to have everything together.

Maybe she runs a successful business.

Maybe she homeschools.

Maybe her house looks beautiful.

Maybe she's fit, organized, and productive.

Then we look at ourselves and wonder whether we're doing enough.

I've been there.

Especially when I unexpectedly became a stay-at-home mom.

That wasn't my original plan.

I thought I would continue working, take maternity leave, and return to my career.

Life unfolded differently.

And for a while, I struggled with the idea that productivity defined my worth.

Then one day, a nurse reminded me of something I'll never forget.

She essentially said:

"You are growing a human being right now. That is enough."

And she was right.

I had attached my value to achievement rather than recognizing the importance of the season I was in.

Comparing Bodies After Motherhood

Body comparison is another area many moms experience.

You see one mom who looks like she never had children.

You see another who seems effortlessly energetic.

And it can be tempting to compare.

But we rarely know the full picture.

There may be genetics involved.

Access to resources.

Personal trainers.

More sleep.

Different stress levels.

Different support systems.

Different life circumstances.

This is why comparison is so dangerous.

You're comparing your behind-the-scenes reality to someone else's highlight reel.

The Truth About Comparison

The longer I live, the more I realize that nothing is exactly as it seems.

Some people genuinely are in healthy, thriving seasons.

That's real.

But everyone experiences challenges.

Everyone struggles.

Everyone is navigating something.

We simply encounter those struggles at different times.

Which brings me back to Brené Brown's quote:

"Stay in your own lane. Comparison kills creativity and joy."

Reflection Questions

As you move through this week, I want you to spend some time reflecting on these questions:

What are my core values?

Am I actively living in alignment with them?

Because that's really the only comparison that matters.

Not comparing yourself to another mom.

Not comparing yourself to another family.

Not comparing yourself to another career path.

Compare your actions to your values.

That's it.

And when you notice a gap, don't judge yourself.

Simply acknowledge it.

Then take one small step toward alignment.

Closing Thoughts

This week, I want us to practice blocking out the external noise.

The opinions.

The expectations.

The comparisons.

And I want us to focus on our own lane.

Our own values.

Our own families.

Our own journeys.

Because joy grows when comparison fades.

Thank you so much for spending this time with me today.

If this episode resonated with you, please consider leaving a rating, review, or sharing it with another mom who may need this reminder.

And as always, you can find more wellness resources and coaching opportunities at LiveAfricaO.com.

Until next time, remember:

You are seen.

You are safe.

And your joy is worth pursuing.

Talk soon. ❤️