Alex Street on identifying your unique "story" - Secrets from a Public Speaking Expert

Gorgeous Listeners, welcome to this week’s episode of Finding Your Way Home,

On today's episode of FYWH, we're speaking to Alex Street; master Brand-storyteller and Founder of StoryArc. 

Alex's life has been the material for his work - navigating a wholly unique path to visibility, voice and telling one's own story with truth, compassion and the deepest self-embrace. He is now an internationally-lauded StoryTelling and Speaking Coach, supporting clients 1:1 and in group to find the real clarity of their message - and share that brazenly with the world. 

In our episode, Alex shares his very personal journey - from an early love-affair with the stage to religious service, falling into spiritual darkness and the resurgence of his own unique understanding of faith, divinity and calling. He talks poignantly about the grief and learning of loss, the transformative power of a mother's words and how loving partnership has changed his life. All woven into his insightful guidance on how you as the listener can come closer to your intrinsic purpose - and live from there.  

This episode was truly a wonderful connection; I hope you will be as moved and captivated by it as I was.  

To find out more about the phenomenal Alex Street:

Find him on Instagram: @streetsays
Visit his website: https://www.alexstreet.ca 

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Sending care, wherever this finds you.

Anthea x

Transcript

Anthea: 0:00

welcome to Finding Your Way Home, the secrets to true alignment. I'm your host, Anthea Bell, movement teacher, mind body coach, and lifelong spiritual seeker. This is a podcast about the depth, weight, and profound healing power of connection between mind and body, spirit and soul, and from one human to another. Together with an incredible range of inspiring guests, we'll explore just what connection and alignment mean. How to get there in a world full of the temptation to conform, and how great challenge ultimately can lead to life changing transformation. Get ready for groundbreaking personal stories, conversational deep dives, and a toolkit of strategies to build not just your inner knowing, but your outer world. Let's dive in.

0:51

Gorgeous, gorgeous listeners, welcome to this week's episode of finding your way home. Oh, I've got all of the goosebumps. I've got all of the body feels because I am sitting down in front of a master storyteller. And, uh, before we turned on the record button, we realized that if we didn't turn on the record button, we'd probably end up having all of the good juicy deep dive conversations that you all needed to hear. Alex, I'm going to ask you to introduce yourself because that is very much one of the things that you teach in your work. and you doing it will give us a little insight into the nature of your, let's say your ethos, the philosophies that have gotten you there. And, uh, a little bit of where you feel you sit right now. Oh boy. Okay. This is going to be, this is going to be good. This feels like we did just sit down on a nice, like big comfy couch in the living room. We've got coffee. That's what this feels like. So thank you for bringing that energy and that vibe because it makes it feel really, Open and easy to share. Yeah. Something and something almost new. I do a lot of podcasts and there's, you kind of pick up on what do you, what do you mean when you say introduce yourself? Do you want my 30 second bio or are we opening up something here? And I feel like this is an opening up, right? Um, So I am Alex, Alex Street. I live in Canada, uh, near Toronto, actually in Midland, Ontario, right by Georgian Bay. It's beautiful. I've got my wife of 19 years, our three kids, 18, 15, and 12. They're everything. And I work as a storytelling and speaking coach. On my whole journey, this has been where I've landed in. It is more clear than ever that this is my life work. This makes sense for me. And even that. is all in an effort. It's not about storytelling. It's about clarity. my life path, Anthea, has always been about How do I find the thing that I am clearly here to do? And as I've discovered that ultimately through this adventure of storytelling and this effort, That's why now I stand in front of you and say, oh geez, well this is what I do for people. I help you find your clear purpose, your clear step, by ultimately just exploring who you are. What is your story? Where have you come from? How have you transformed? Because for me it was always a very confusing thing to get here. And a few years ago, ultimately, um, did some work to really specifically Look at my journey. How did I get here to do the thing that I do at that time? And through that was like, Oh, Oh, this is what I'm, Oh, this is what I'm here to do. Oh, it's very clear. I'm here to help other people on their journey. Uh, cause that's kind of what it's been all along. A beautiful little beginning because I'm aware that you are, you just turned 40. You're, you're 40. And you described this, you know, we could say this beautiful investment of a really long term partnership, wonderful children, there's a lot of lived experience and so often I find that when I'm working with people who are young, the image that they have in their mind is that they're going to know it all at a really young age and then they're going to proactively teach it. And when we look from this place of me respectively 37 and you 40, we're looking back at the fact that actually what we teach now is really the cumulative experience that we have lived and navigated through and learn lessons. Um, and it really reminds me of that thing, you can't learn it in advance, you have to learn it in the learning, in the thicket, and you have to be really willing to dive in. And then in retrospect, it all feels much more clear. Well, yeah. And I have a note right in front of me, it says, I'm just getting started. Um, it's, it's this beautiful awareness. This is where I really come to you right now is this complete, uh, contentment that. Like life is complete. I don't, I don't know what else I could really desire or say, Oh, I wish. I had that, you know, if I were to go tomorrow, um, it's, it's really been such a beautiful journey inside and out already. And I'm just getting started. Like there's so much more clarity still to come and understanding of how this all works and how I work and what is really going on inside of me. And it's interesting you say that even just the growing up through that, because yeah, I look back at 24 year old. Alex, that was at that point, pretty set in a career. Um, I was a youth pastor and I was really settled in that and really passionate about it and loved to support young people and families and help them discover, you know, their purpose and be someone safe that, well, that was really cool. Let's face it, that came alongside these young teams and said, yeah, uh, I'll listen to you. I'll respect you. And then ultimately like. Oh, I'll, I actually see something in you. I don't think you definitely don't see at 12 years old. And I don't think that many people around you see this cause they just see the chaos going on. And so at that point I was like looking at people and seeing this and specifically young teens, but then it just branched out to, Oh, that's what I do. I see people in that way. And somehow I think earlier on, I must have seen myself that way. So you say this, you know, this growth. And at this point, I look back and it's clear. But also at that point, let's say 24, let's say 17, like I look back and I see there have been moments of like, Oh, I get it. I see, I see it clearly now, more clearly now than I did a year ago, seven years ago, a decade. And then that clarity just keeps, um, expanding like I say, I'm just getting started, but how could it get But it will, I know it will, but it's, but there's also this affirmation of like, how could it get more clear than this? Really appreciating the fullness is, is also the jumping off point for more, you know, we can't create that sense of increase or abundance or, or even be open to it if we're not willing to really be in profound embodied appreciation of all that is right now, like all that's here. And in a way that's what you're describing with this ability to connect with people very early on. And this reality filter. That you have, I mean, when you first started talking, even before we turned on the recording, my awareness was, Oh, he's someone that loves to look into the hearts of others. Loves to help them go in by virtue of him giving them the space. And I wonder if that's what you're referencing when you say no one else is using this in other people. It's like, well, it's because you're taking the time with this sacred person That's rare. Yeah. I mean, even as you say it, like, I recognized the, at some point that clicked where I recognized the rarity of that, that the thing that. The thing that came easy to me, uh, was a, a gift that I had to share with the world. I mean, that's so much of the work that I do with people is helping them see, uh, like this comes easy for you, you know, at some degree, you just do this. You just go into this. These are the conversations you have. And that's why it's so impactful for people because they don't ask the questions that you do, but for you, it comes easy. And so once you recognize that you recognize that, oh, that's the thing that, that's the I have that I can do really quickly. At some point that was, wow, you're really good. Like relationally, Alex, like you just make people feel like you see them. Um, they feel like you're just really fun and you bring, you create a great environment and I was like, yeah, cool. Like, you know, ego boosting is beautiful. It's like, yeah, all right, bring me to the party and I'll make it fun. Like, that's what it was. As I say, at some point that became more of a. Oh, wait, as you say, I think I see something deeper. Oh, and I have an opportunity here to ask you a question or to, to, to almost claim something about you that yeah, nobody else has or might go completely counter script to what you say about yourself. And that is when I think the responsibility of this started to show up, it makes me think of the power of words and how we're all storytelling all the time. Yeah. In how we posture, in what we wear, in the roles that we say yes or no to. What's your, what's your take on the power of belief? Let's start there. Oh, just a light question. Okay. Um. My take on the power of belief. I want to ask a clarifying question, like, I want, can, can you clarify that a bit more? Because I could go, I could take us so many places, I'm going to divide it into two. The power of someone else believing in you, in order for you to see yourself, actualize yourself, whatever word one wants to choose, and the power of you then borrowing and eventually hopefully embodying that belief. How significant do you think those are in the actualization of who you are in, in really realizing your own potential. Uh, I mean, yeah, simple answer is 100 out of 100. It's that's, it's everything. We can't do it alone. So your own belief is it that that is something, but I think what maybe we do actually forget is that in our stories. There has to be a strong cast of characters around the hero, you, the hero. And so when I look at who I am, there's, as you ask those questions, I think immediately of my mom. Um, and I think of Dave, and there's almost two different paths to go down there. Um, I think I'm going to journey down the mother path, because, It feels right, doesn't it? Um, I have a picture here right next to me, I'll show you. Um, this is, so this is a cast of a production on stage, and there's a little, a little boy in a little yellow, Winnie the Pooh outfit right there at the edge of the stage.. So that was me at eight years old in my very first production that I stood on stage. It was a Cinderella pantomime that my mother, who was a lifelong actress, grew up in, uh, Birmingham, um, worked West End London before she was 18. Uh, she moved to Toronto as an understudy for a show, Blythe spirit, and then came back to the UK for a bit, and then after a broken relationship moved back to Toronto with this hope of. I'll be an actress there. So her whole life was around this, the stage and acting. And by the time she had me at 30 something, she had my brother first then, and he, I guess had no interest in this, but, um, she created this pantomime and then threw me on stage and something Clicked. I mean, I was in this teddy bear's picnic scene in Cinderella. That didn't exist. There was no reason for me to be on stage, but she forced me, let's say, but encouraged, lovingly encouraged me to be on stage and something clicked. I don't know. I loved it. I, I absolutely, I can almost like ethereally go back to that feeling of the warmth. The warmth of the lights, the applause like that picture here is so much for me of looking at this little version of me that first moment when something showed up that said, Whoa, we can, we can make a difference here, like people are applauding we made people laugh tonight we did something I just danced around on stage for three minutes in a Winnie the Pooh outfit but something happened here. And so I pursued that. I mean, I wanted more of that all through high school, all through everything. And I wanted to be like my mom and, and she, my parents split my, my mom ended up moving out and was then in a theater, a community theater, uh, with her new man who ended up being her husband as well. And, um, They were in shows every weekend. And so I went from this little kid on stage to then growing up and going with my mom to the theater and watching her and naturally asking questions. I was enamored with it. I fell in love with it. And she absolutely saw the spark in my eyes. So as far as the power of belief, she saw something, she tested it, and then she fanned that flame and she kept encouraging and she, I mean, I, one of the greatest honors of my life was being 18 and being able to act on stage with her, um, and that I remember driving to those rehearsals and then leaving the rehearsal and having conversations with her, uh, and my stepdad and them pouring into me. And seeing, you know, I can't believe how quickly you learned the script. I can't believe how you reacted when that actress said this. Like, just these small encouragements. And I go all the way back to that and I go to then also this moment of 12 years ago when she was passing away, um, she died very quickly, stage 4 stomach cancer was recognized and then she passed about 3 weeks later, um, and we had all these conversations about all of this she, just kept on saying, this is where you belong. So there's, there's something like innately within me that is this, I just enjoy it. I love being on stage. I love the power and the, the, the energy and everything. And then you go into the, this power of belief that was actually sort of, You know, seen and poured into me from so young, and even from a distance, continually, this is what you've got. This is what you bring to the world. You see the world differently, Alexander, she would say. You see it so clearly. These are the, the tapes that play in my head that then when I do stand on stage with a microphone with an audience in front of me. I, I do not fear it is natural. It is easy. It is comfortable. It's one of my most favorite and safe places in the world to be just me on stage with my own words to share for an audience or on a podcast like this for who knows who will hear it. I'm here for it because, um, in some way I learned from my mom that with merely our words, we can change how someone feels and is what I'm here to do. With this belief that it matters. I've got such a vivid picture of you drawing people in. When you stand on stage, almost the fact that you know that it's safe, that you know that it's creative and playful and abundant. That as you look into their eyes or their bodies or these casts of people, you're able to draw them into that field of joy. I really can picture how captivating that must be for the people that watch you, and that listen to your words as you say, and that they get to borrow your confidence and your creativity when you're up there. That's true charisma. That is the charisma of an actor, but it's also the charisma of connection. One human to another, stimulating state change. simulating growth. It's beautiful., Something when it clicked, I remember sitting backstage with my mom. Um, she would occasionally let me come and sit backstage while the show was going on. Like, I mean, actors are running around me. They're doing quick changes. I'm seeing naked people all over the place. 12 year old, this was wild and wonderful and weird. And, Uh, I would sit there with my crossword and my apple juice thing, very quiet. And I remember very vividly once, um, my mom was just watching and she came by and touched me on the knee and then she was standing side stage and just looked at me, gave me a little wink and then went out on stage and she, it was this timing. She did a lot of British farces. So, you know, this door closes, this door opens, timing is everything. And then she delivered this one liner. That brought the house down. Ab Like, she said her line, I heard my mother's voice that I've heard in my house growing up all the time. You know, put your dishes away, I love you dear, uh, you know, whatever it might be, I know that voice. But that voice just made this room of 200 strangers burst into laughter. And again, something magical happened, some transference happened in that moment of recognizing like she's just my mom, but she changed the state of this room of humans. Um, I, like that was, I want to, I want that. I want to be a part of that. How do I pursue a life of that where again, I can say something that changes someone's emotions. Transcribed And I've been in the pursuit of that and, let's say, the business of that ever since. Can we talk about a couple of the curves in that story? So you mentioned that there have been moments of real profound confusion and lack of clarity. And it sounds like a lot of drive and searching, and I'd love for the audience to hear a little bit more about the journey after that initial spark. Yeah. Ha. Um, yeah, so I, I, you know, I always talk about storytelling is, you know, it's, it's It's storytelling is very simple. It's actually just a, if you have a transformation, then you have a story. So you can tell all these little elements, but if you've got, uh, from confusion to clarity, then you've got your story. And so for me, I can think of that. When did confusion enter? Because if, if at eight years old, I'm standing on the stage and it became so clear to me. That's it. That's who I am and what I can bring to the world. And then, I think soon after that, confusion really entered the picture when my parents got divorced. And I can drop into this moment, you know, I've had conversations with a little nine year old Alexander telling him, you're okay, you're going to be okay, everything's going to be okay, you can say what you want. But in the moment, I had no idea what to say when my dad told us what was going on. And so there was this confusion around what is happening. There wasn't much relational turmoil in the house. It just seemed very amicable, I guess. Whatever, but. I recognized for me, I very much went, okay, well, I'm going to go and like, create my own worlds then. And I just became a very playful person. So like, there was a spark of like, Oh, confusion entered then, but then clarity came back and clarity shows up again. And I, okay, this is who I am. And then I remember being on stage in the ninth grade and grade nine drama production, and I was. One of the leads in the big high school show and I stepped up to the front of the stage at the beginning and I Delivered my line and my voice cracked because puberty and I And it wasn't a funny line, but the crowd laughed. And so you go back to this moment of like, my mom made the crowd laugh intentionally, I want that. Then you go to this moment where I say my line and the crowd laughs, but it was unintentional. It's very confusing for me. Um, Being in the position that I know I'm supposed to be in, but not having the control or the audience not responding the way that I think they should. That's a very practical version of that, that I still see today and showing up on Instagram or on podcasts or anything like I say something that I think is really captivating, really good. And if it doesn't get, you know, receive what I think it should, I can feel that voice come up. On a deeper searching level became about, this assurance. I, I know, again, I know what my gift is, but where do I put that into? What's the right path to take? At my best, I just say yes. I feel good. I get a gut feeling and I say yes to the next opportunity. When I really struggle with clarity, it feels like fog all the time is when I'm trying to create the path forward, um, plan way too far in the future. To have some sense of, I know where this is going. That's where for most of my twenties, even though, again, I was like in a good career. I knew what I was doing, I knew what my gift was, but it was constant journaling and conversation with people around like, yeah, but I just, like, is this the right thing for me? Like, how else can I do something constantly confused and frustrated and,, questioning? Which was so bizarre because I'm here and I'm good and it's right here. Why do I care what the next thing but it was constantly showing up is the best way I can describe that. What you're describing is so resonant, not just for me but I imagine for a lot of people listening because I think if you are brought into the world with a real feeling of mission. Mm hmm. Difficult that you're also not necessarily given the roadmap of how you get there. It's like, there is something I'm meant to do, there's some service I'm meant to provide, and I don't know how the fuck to do it. You know, people get really stuck in that, as you say, and they spin in the sense of little, little self, small me, you know, all of that is ego driven and not at all helped by the way that society often positions us being the all powerful creators when the reality is that The inner work inevitably creates the pipeline and the opportunity for success and spontaneity and opening of doors, but we have to allow a little bit of that space of faith that says, Oh, it's not all on me. If I do the next aligned action, if I, Focus on the things that in this day feel super meaningful, where I can make a palpable difference to this one human being's life. That's enough for now, and I can trust the presence, and I can let the outcomes go. But it is a practice leaning into that kind of faith. I wonder, you mentioned that you were a youth pastor to begin with, I mean, what's your relationship with faith? No. Yeah, that's, this is, this is a good journey, yeah, I, uh, I mean, I, it's certainly not where it was, um, it's, heh. It started, uh, with a girl, let's say that, um, in high school, you know, this beautiful girl that I wanted to date said, well, great. Yeah, but I'm a Christian. You need to be a Christian. So I was like, fine, no problem. Easy. Um, so I did what I needed to do, said what I needed to say. And then we started dating and within a few months, she figured out, ah, this isn't real, this isn't authentic. And, um, and then I chose, okay, well, I'm going to pursue this. The faith. Anyway, like, there's something real there, so I'm going to keep going with that. Apparently there was something real, so I kept pursuing that. And as it turns out, a year later, me and that girl started dating again, and now we've been married for 19 years. So, there is something. That is such a cheeky punchline. I love that. From the Master of Storytelling, that was super sneaky. But I think what's beautiful around that journey is we were both very sure and certain of, you know, what we had and, um, as far as the faith goes and grew up in that. And I mean, I, she grew up in the church. I entered in and then became very involved and started volunteering and leading because it just felt like a very safe place. And I mean, as far as storytelling goes, what a cool story to like, enter into and be a part of that, like, The biblical story, this beautiful journey of life, death, and new life. Like it's just so full and rich and cosmic and something attracted me to that. And then again, all these elements where I can play and I can inspire and I can do all of that. So I was very attached to growing and expanding and exploring. And then, time wise. It was around when my mom died. Um, meaning wise, it wasn't completely attached to that. There was something already stirring, something already cooking below the surface, but everything became very simple when my mom passed, uh, around faith. It's, everyone's making a very confusing thing. It seems they're very complicated, and I'm part of a system that complicates it when in reality it is, let's say, faith, hope, and love. It's that simple. Like, can we focus on that? And so in simplifying that, then I was like, okay, well, that needs to be something. And, wait, maybe I don't belong in this big system anymore. Maybe, um, this isn't for me. it feels like my, my elbows, the box is too small for me right now. I needed it. It helped me. It formed something within me and with my family. And right now, actually, and my wife and I were going through it at the same time. This doesn't feel right anymore. And yet I was still like, there's something there. And so around what, 28, 29, um, I left that job and was like, well, I'm going to do something around faith. I got to explore this. So I got my master's in theological studies. I did two years in school and dove in deeper and in that like effort of exploration and really diving in. I found so much clarity around. Oh, I think I see what I don't align with in the whole system of it all. That makes a lot of sense to me, seeing just the history of it. Like it really clicked pieces in place for me where I just went, Oh, that's what's out of whack. And why I don't fit. don't feel like I can be a part of that, but there is an element to it, which I just truly love. And still enamored by, um, truly respect and love and adore, the story of who Christ is, the experience of, there's always something going on. I just found that I came back to a real place of like open handedness where I had been in a place of certainty and teaching certainty. It all opened up again and I found a lot of peace. In the last decade it's such a beautiful story, Alex, and again, it's very deeply relatable for anyone that has been on that journey of trying to identify what, what, what is it? What is this bigger, what is this bigger force or this bigger influence in my life? And how do I connect to it? And what is it? What does it guide? You know, I find that often for people is a real sticking point. It's almost adhering so much to the idea of there is some guidance that I'm meant to receive that they actually struggle to listen to their own intuition, which of course is the same thing. It's like what's inside is also outside. For me, that's where the union concept comes in. I love that. And just to touch on that, because that was something that I was recognizing, like I was almost starting, I was using that language. The like, no, actually like there's something inside that speaks, and what if that thing that's inside is actually God, and there was something really threatening within the church about that kind of a language that, that someone were to say. You know, God is within you or you, you are the ultimate authority or your inner guidance is everything is a real threat to the narrative of, no, no, we trust something external. And we wait for the external. And it's tricky because to a degree, the structure. in places is based on this understanding of humility that's also blended with obedience. And so there's a lot of concepts that are getting combined together. So you're in a community, you're oriented towards service, you're connecting to a greater force, you're, you're sticking to the, to the guidelines, right. And adhering for the benefit of common good. And all of that is beautiful and truthful. And. in any spirituality that I've ever resonated with. Actually, all of those concepts are still there. The difference is that there's an elasticity in really embodied faith, in really explorative, open faith that says, I'm also not going to block myself off from you, human being over here. And I'm also not going to block myself off from me, human being in here. Like, I don't have to negate myself in order to be in a space of other-giving faith and it feels like that's what you have. Yeah, my, my father in law still says to this day, one of the best lines I ever delivered in a sermon that was at that church and probably a moment that again, they created some dissension and some separation between me and them, in some story, I was talking about Jesus talking to the people and I said, the reality is everybody. It's not about us versus them, whoever they may be. It's not even about us. Like, and them. It's just them. Us, like we are all, uh, there is no them, it's us with like, this whole community as in humanity at this moment. That's the us. So let's figure that out and create less separation and less of this idea of we invite them in and then they become, yeah, so the elasticity, um, that embracing that seeing. Self in other and other in self is way has become far more open and free and exciting and Truly, you know as far as what's my journey with that? like I feel like when we left that a level of guilt fell off and be a level of Beauty and peace opened up for me, a bigness of God actually opened up where I was like, wait a second, I was in a thing and teaching a thing that tried so desperately to contain this thing that they say is beyond explanation. And the more that I sit here and I embrace that it is beyond explanation, the more. wonder and joy I have in the whole thing. Audience, the listening, you can't obviously see this if you're just listening to the track, but I am smiling I also just want to offer in if you're listening and even the God word is, is challenging for you. you know, we have a really diverse group of wonderful humans that tune into this broadcast and we've touched on faith, uh, in other episodes, but we've probably never dived into it in this much depth with someone. And I'm so delighted that we have the opportunity to do that with you, Alex, and neither of us would have planned this. Um, so I want to just share that When I first came into the concept of, of faith in a really true way, it was right in the moment of my deepest rock bottom. What I was offered at the ripe old age of 29 was to consider my own unique flavor of what a power greater, wider, broader, more expansive than me might be. And when I first began to practice that form of spirituality, all that I did, At the end of every day was get down on my knees. because that was suggested as a form of gentle humility. Not I'm less than, but I'm going to sit for a moment away from screens, away from other people, away from the authorities that I had been living my life according to, and I'm going to look up at the night sky. And as I commune in that way, I'm going to offer myself the opportunity to know that my silent prayer of whatever it was, was being received, even if it was just being received by my own subconscious, it didn't matter. It was a faith action. and what I find is that when people can tap into some form of, like, nascent spirituality, the tiniest flicker of a feeling that there's more than just my mind, there's more than just this human body which will grow and then wither and then die, there's, there's just something about life that is living itself. The way they inhabit, the way that they show up, the way that they speak in these kinds of moments, it's totally different. And I, oh, it's so beautiful. I just, yeah, I wholly agree. And I think some people are afraid that that's going to turn them into some airy, fairy, you know, uh, no rounded speech ever. Sort of this, this person that just Um, speaks in this, like, when, when that, what you're describing there, right? It's like, well, I don't want to, yeah, but I still want, I still live in the moment. I still have to get my kids off to school. Like, what do you mean? I'm going to be this risen up being almost. But no, it is, it's really about seeing something happens where, yes, you speak and you realize that just like we did, we turned on the recording before the recording, I was like, wait a second. This is gonna, this is a quick connection, you and I, and you said there's a thread that you feel between this screen across an ocean. Um, there, the connections happen, happen quicker. I think that's what you're talking about, that the human connections and then the moment connections, the beauty in the moment. And in my language, I would say you start to see the story unfolding. And so that moment of rushing your kids off to school becomes a moment that if you drop in, you see it. And you can almost, like, I, I see things cinematically, I say, you know, where I can almost start to frame it and watch my kid walk off to school with her friends and I go, like, It moves me. But I think it's this not letting the day, the moments pass by because to bring this all around, you realize that you are an important part to a large unfolding story. That whether there is some creator actually manipulating it, making it happen, or it is just something that we are all energy creating all together, you matter to it. And that, that makes this Random Friday. Really, really meaningful. I think you could emblazon the words, you matter onto my forehead now. And that would feel as imprinted as that statement just did. I love that. I'm so touched by the fact that in your work, in a way, that's what you're convincing people of. I mean, if we're talking about how does someone not just come to know their story, but have the bravery to articulate it out visibly into the world, they have to believe that they matter in order for that to happen. Yeah, I, I, I, and I, this is where I'm just so passionate. I'm speechless because I'm just so, I could agree to that for days and days and days with, yeah, I want to sing about that. What you just said. Absolutely. Yes. If you are going to show up like that, you have to first have some semblance that you, you matter. You're important. Your existence is. Alex, how would you coach someone through that first, almost we could call it a belief hurdle? Because I know a lot of people that do not come into the coaching space believing that. Yeah, I almost, I feel like a lot of people find me with, uh, talk about borrowing belief. There's a lot of trust in that. That they don't see it yet, but they see that it's possible. You know, there's a lot of frustration around, I know I've got something to say, but I cannot find it for the life of me. Um, and so, I don't know. As with a lot of coaching, there's a lot of trust that this person can pull this out of me. And as I say, like, it's, if I say, great, we're going to start with your story. That feels like a really, the amount of times that I hear, okay, well, mine's going to be the craziest one you've got. You try me like, you know, I've, I've heard a lot and it's never too much to find a clear transformation. Within it, so we will, I will guide someone. How do I actually coach someone? Well, I just ask questions. I, we just explore, I start with where you are. What do you care about now? Okay. Well, where did that begin? Let's go back as far as you want to. Was it six years old? Was it an eight year old on stage when you first felt clear? Great. Then what happened? Okay. Tell me more about that. All right. And what were your parent? What did your parents tell me more? Tell me more. And we unpack that. And then we start to go. Sounds like something. Got in the way of that. And then that becomes a really clear, Oh yeah, that barrier. Oh, that's actually shown up all the way through. And we start to find threads. So all that I do, I'm just wildly curious. I just get to play in the sandbox of story and dig and ask. There's just curiosity beyond the statement that people will deliver about their story that ends up unpacking more and more and more until ultimately, we do find that really simple, clear transformation, you have changed. Look at you. And just like that, somebody says, Whoa, I have changed. My story does make sense. It is clear. I do matter. I start to see it. So there's two, uh, two barriers to belief that are coming up in my mind number one, and this happens very much in the UK, particularly in a professional context, if I, my vulnerabilities or the areas that I was lacking, people will question. The validity of me speaking or the validity of my expertise. So there's a big vulnerability, shame, hangover thing that goes on. And number two, number two is, uh, it is selfish, potentially even dangerous to celebrate my own success. Yeah, it's fascinating. Both sides of the transformation there. How could I talk about my barrier, the thing that I've faced, but also how could I talk about my victories and how I've gained? Um, I mean, the Brits are so much like Canadians in that, like how, I don't, no, no, not me. It's not me. Don't, don't look at me. Um, yeah, first I, I think the, It's where a transformation, I think, is so important. Uh, the, you know, the two sides, and recognizing that there is always two. So if you show up and air your dirty laundry, shall we say, to say, these are how I failed, these were my misgivings, these were my mistakes, this is where I lost it, this was my family growing up, and it was broken, and these were my broken beliefs, um, and, uh, so, you know, Hopefully that motivates you to do better work today. You know, like that's not gonna work. No, that doesn't do it. Alone. But on the other side, if you show up and you say, Well, hi, everybody. I'm just so glad to be, you know, I'm picturing a leader in a room or some sort, somebody, even you showing up on your podcast and saying, Hey, this is me. And, um, this is what I do today. And this is how successful my business is right now. And these are all the wins that I've experienced. And this is where I live and I'm in my dream life. And it's amazing. Um, would you like to join me on this ride? Again, people are going to go, ah, there's something, there's something missing there. And I think with both of those, we have to recognize that one without the other is an incomplete story. And that's why it feels hard, but imagine sharing. I actually had a client who was writing a book, um, she's in the early stages of writing her book, and her story is so deeply intertwined with her father, who early on for so much of her life was distant and, um, borderline verbally abusive, you know, pushing her and really expecting her to go into a certain direction. Now, they have this beautiful relationship, and they've really healed so much about that. And so she came, as we were talking about this, she's like, how do I talk about this? Because my dad is so much of this, but I don't want him to read it and feel, and I don't want people to get a bad view of my dad, but that's my experience. And all that I said was start the book, first pages. So much of my life has been transformed or shaped by my father's influence. I am so grateful to have an incredible relationship with my father now. We share everything. We have healed so many wounds and he is the first person that read this book and signed off on it. You know, you start with where you are, then when you go back and you share about the mistakes, the difficulties, the barriers, that it's okay because we all know where it's going. Does that make sense? And on the other end, when you're saying. This is how it is. It's all rosy, peachy, and beautiful. You can say, but it wasn't always this way. I've had to go through a lot of journey and difficulty to get here. immediately your audience goes, Oh, okay. I get it. She's just like me. Yeah. They relate. Yeah. So I just, I would just encourage for those many of us that carry that As a, um, as a, a barrier, a block to communicating something about yourself and your story, just remember, that's only one piece of the story, you, you, you know, Darth Vader without Luke Skywalker actually isn't even an interesting story, same with Luke without Darth, like, I mean, you, it's the dark and the light, the from and the to, and learning how to just highlight those pieces. That's it. That's what I think really frees people up and opens them up to see, whoa, the whole thing matters. everything belongs and I am indestructible. There's also something you're describing there, which is really appreciating that wherever you are in your journey, you're still the result of a transformation of something. And therefore you don't have to wait until you completely lick X, Y, Z particular traits. Yes. a seven figure salary, you know, you're still going to be inspirational for someone who's earlier on in their journey. And I, I deeply believe that., I'm a big Harry Potter fan. And so I, I, You know, as I read through the series, I'm almost done. We just started Deathly Hallows again with my youngest and, oh geez, here we go. So, but I think, you know, at some point there was one book, it was just Philosopher's Stone, but that book, that book was a complete book. That book was a complete story. It was a beautiful journey of this boy growing up and feeling terribly alone in this cupboard under the stairs and then gets this letter and then the world opens up to him and he finds friends and he finds Family. It's this beautiful story just in that of being alone to loved. Then you get a second book. Then you get a third book. And each of those is a complete story unto itself, but it also expands the whole story. And so as we keep going, we see that the story just gets bigger and bigger and each book has its own version of that transformation. But the whole series is ultimately about a little kid going from feeling alone to finding love, which is something we all love. Which is why it's the most successful franchise in history. And so when you think about your story, isn't finished yet. No, of course not. You're still here. Thank you. I'm so glad. We're so glad it's not finished yet, but you know, maybe we're at book four. Yeah. So there's definitely something still to tell. There's definitely something here worth sharing because the Goblet of Fire is some people's favorite book of the series. You know what I mean? Like that's. That's what that means for me. I have such an intuitive question that's arising that has nothing to do with what we've talked about so far. Amazing. I'm, um, I'm wondering how fatherhood has shaped you, changed you, refined any of this for you. Oh gosh, the weight of my heart. Maybe that's my gift. Hmm. Hmm. Yeah. Yeah. Um, from head to heart. Uh, I'm going to take that. I'm trying to think of the name for my program next and maybe that's it. Oh yeah. There we go. That's it. No doubt. Um, there's a transformation for those of you stuck in your head. I'm going to help you get down into your heart. Oh, and I'm glad that this was worth podcasting thing. I'll bill you later. You know, it's, um, It, uh, I have such early memories of nurturing my stuffed animals, and my mom gave me like a baby doll, you know, as a kid, as a four year old, six year old boy, she was like, here, play with these. You know, mothering dolls, like typically, and she nurtured me. So like, there was just such a sense within me that is like, this is what I'm here to do. There's no doubt that was when this is going to sound weird, but when it, when it was like an interest in girls, it like sparked, there was always this, like, on the way to a loving family. Like that's what we're working towards here. And I didn't say that to like my first girlfriend when I was 13 is like, No, how committed are you? But it was just always, of course, of course, it's gonna be kids. Of course, I'm gonna be a dad. And then You know, I watched my family sort of separate and break up and I watched my dad, who was an alcoholic and an incredibly gifted photographer, um, just crumble into a shell of himself over the last 25 years of his life. But the one thing I knew about my dad was that he loved his boys. He loved his kids. We were his everything. And so there was this always a sense of like, I'm going to be a parent like my parents were to me, and I'm going to create a family different than my parents, my parents created for us. So then I just think, okay, what kind of story do we want to tell? That's what it's become. It's like, okay, how do I See in my kids something, like I saw in those, you know, young teens when I started out, like I saw in other people, like I see in people that I coach, how do I help them see, from very early on, we, we just, both of us very much focused on tell them who they are more than we tell them who they're not, why are you always so messy? No, that's who they're not, you know, don't tell them who they're not, but start to say things like, you are like, you are so playful. You are so creative. Can we also clean up after we, you know, we do this, um, just really trying to do that. And so even with our kids, that's something we've tried really early on is to speak towards that. And for me as a father, that's something that then I have to come back to. And this was something I think you touched on really early was how are you going to give something to the world if you don't first understand it for yourself? So there has to be an effort of me saying this to myself of who I am and I am a good dad. I do create joy and I poor love on my kids. There's one thing they will never doubt, you know, like there's just,, I think ultimately it's a really simple, um, effort of parenting. Well, it's such a natural commitment for you. And that's a huge gift to have that knowing, this is part of my role here on this earth is to be this. I also just really adore what you're sharing about speaking to, speaking to the positive, speaking to the, to the truthful, what is here, because if I name the two core beliefs that get so much in the way of, Most of the people that come into my space, I am bad and I'm not enough, are probably the two that come up the most often when we really dig underneath. And the I am bad isn't even just I am bad, it's I am intrinsically bad. Like there's something defective in me. And that's a story that you're telling yourself again and again and again. And it's a very sneaky story because it will count you out of considering that any possibility of hope is there for you because you will think of yourself as intrinsically different to you. Another person that has achieved X, Y, Z success that you want. And so if we can all as a collective and even guys, as you're listening, like really tune into, no, what am I like fucking hell? What is here? What is, what is intrinsic within me? What is naturally good in me? What joy do I bring to the lives of others? What am I creating in the world? There's so much more of that than most people ever give themselves the possibility to see. I think, and when we come back to bring it back to faith and something again to the simplicity of it all, there's this, there's a narrative that says, you know, original sin. That you are broken and you need healing. And I never ascribed to it. It never made sense to me, because this whole thing is better than that. And, uh, one of my favorite authors, Richard Rohr, he talks about, um, original goodness. And I think that's a deeper belief than him. I know that goes, that's an ancient belief, actually, was that there's this effort of original It's original goodness. Are you kidding me? You start good, and things get in the way. Things clog that up. But by no means. Are you designed broken? That doesn't even make sense. How do you break something if it wasn't once whole? there's something there. You should write that down. It's, it's, you're right. It just doesn't make any sense. But not to diminish the feelings that are there. Those are absolutely, obviously, those are real. As you say, we recognize that. And let's start to work in the, the, the, a truer narrative. Um, which is why even in the arc, the way that I tell stories starts with. Yeah. Like I was clear early on, then a barrier got in the way. start with that drive, that passion, that goodness, that impact, that something that you, you innately, you remember feeling. find that original thing, recognize something got in the way, and that your story is about overcoming that thing to become this newer version of what was always there. So you know, obviously, that the title of the podcast is Finding Your Way Home. Yeah. And for me, that's really important. That is about remembering. You're probably remembering things that are way beneath conscious thought, but you're remembering a feeling of having been yourself, having been whole, having been loved, having been born into the world because life wanted you to be born into the world. you've just brought that up for me so deeply. Alex, you are such a treat. Honestly, I have enjoyed this conversation enormously., it's such a joy. You've, you've opened up something so easily. I can see why your listeners and your clients would attract themselves to you so much because it's just so easy to, see. Different things, things that I've talked about before or seen the way that you approach and see and ask, um, really allows us, I think, to explore safely. So thank you for providing that and making me feel like that and just guiding a really. Captivating conversation here. It's been a joy. It has. Listeners. We're going to make sure in the show notes that you have access to all of the ways and the spaces for you to connect with Alex. https: otter. ai wherever you are as you listen to this, see if as a gentle takeaway, you can let yourself drop into the soft remembrance. Of what it's like to live in a space of some form of spacious faith. I send you such love from this corner of London, I know Alex does, all the way from Canada, and we will see you soon. gorgeous listeners. Thank you. So. So. much. For your ears. I hope. You enjoy today's. today's. episode. To find. More about our. Featured guests. Have a look in the show. Notes.