Cake Therapy
Cake Therapy is a heartwarming and uplifting podcast that celebrates the transformative power of baking therapy. Hosted by Dr. Altreisha Foster, the passionate baker, entrepreneur and advocate behind Cake Therapy, this podcast is a delightful blend of inspiring stories, expert insights and practical baking tips. Each episode takes listeners on a journey of self-discovery, emotional healing and connection through the therapeutic art of baking.
Cake Therapy
Mind The Crown: The Healing Power of Self-Care with Adrianna Willis
Dr. Altreisha Foster welcomes Adrianna Willis, founder and CEO of Mind the Crown, for a soul-stirring conversation about reclaiming your peace through intentional self-care. After nearly three decades in corporate America, Adrianna made the brave decision to walk away from her high-paying career to focus on her mental health and purpose-driven business—a choice that came after a defining moment when her inner voice simply said, "I quit," despite not being financially prepared for the transition.
Born from the isolation and racial tensions of 2020 following George Floyd's murder in Minnesota, Mind the Crown has evolved into a sanctuary for women—particularly Black and brown women—who habitually put everyone else's needs before their own. Adrianna shares how she creates accessible self-care experiences through "self-care parties" featuring activities like blindfolded painting, dreamboard creation, and planting succulents. These hands-on exercises deliberately pull women away from their phones and into the present moment, offering a respite from the constant demands of daily life.
The conversation delves deeply into the "superwoman syndrome" that plagues so many women, especially women of color. "You don't have to feel guilty for choosing yourself," Adrianna emphasizes, addressing the struggle many high-achieving women face in setting boundaries and allowing themselves to be vulnerable. She candidly discusses her own journey with therapy and setting boundaries—skills she's still developing but proudly embraces as crucial to protecting her peace "at all costs."
Looking toward 2025, Adrianna reveals her plans to launch coaching services specifically designed to help women aged 45-55 transition out of corporate environments while addressing the emotional weight of such significant life changes. Her approach encompasses practical advice—like taking inventory of responsibilities to determine what can be delegated, automated, or simply left undone—alongside tools like her "Woosa Journal" that encourage mindfulness and self-reflection.
Ready to prioritize your mental wellness? Follow @mindthecrownllc on Instagram or visit mindthecrown.com to explore Adrianna's self-care resources, upcoming events, and custom products designed to remind women everywhere to "treat yourself, don't cheat yourself."
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Welcome to the Cake Therapy Podcast a slice of joy and healing, with your host, Dr Altricia Foster. This is a heartwarming and uplifting space that celebrates the transformative power of baking therapy. The conversations will be a delightful blend of inspirational stories, expert insights and practical baking tips. Each episode will take listeners on a journey of self-discovery, emotional healing and connection through the therapeutic art of baking. There's something here for everyone, so lock in and let's get into it.
Speaker 2:Hi everyone. Welcome back to the Cake Therapy Podcast with me, your host, dr Patricia Foster. So I am really I'm always excited, right? I'm looking forward to this conversation today with Adriana. It's Adriana Willis from Mind the Crown. Mind the Crown is an organization out of Minnesota that you know focuses on mindfulness and how to care for oneself and how to protect one's space. So, adriana, she's the CEO of this organization and she's truly inspiring. She's an inspiring person. She's the like I mentioned. She's the founder of Mind the Crown and her journey is really a powerful testament of transformation and empowerment. You see, in 2020, amidst the pandemic and the social isolation, heightened racial tensions Within Minnesota itself. You know George Floyd. His life was taken here in Minnesota. Yeah, george Floyd's life was taken here in Minnesota.
Speaker 2:Adriana founded Mind the Crowd. She wanted to uplift and reconnect women, especially from the Black and brown communities, through mental wellness, self-care, etc. So her own experience of burnout, I believe, after nearly 30 years in corporate, highlighted that crucial need to her and she wanted to make others feel good in this space and she formed Mind the Crown. This led her to completely dedicating herself to this business since 2024. How brave is it to be in corporate for 30 years formed an organization and then just give everything up, your corporate life up, and then just focus on that fully. I myself I'm in that transition, just walking away from all the science stuff. It's hard, but you know your peace of mind matters more. So kudos to Adriana for having the I use this word a lot the audacity to step away after 30 years to begin this new journey of purpose. She set to talk about coaching her coaching services that start in January of 2025. And she's committed to guiding women everywhere. So welcome Adriana to the show. So, miss Adriana from Mind the Crown, welcome to the Cake Therapy Podcast.
Speaker 3:Thank you.
Speaker 2:I feel so appreciative of you giving me this time, yeah of course, we have to create spaces and tables for each other to join and have conversation. I'm fascinated about your organization, so I've been looking forward to talking to you about it and to have some of our listeners, who are mostly female, learn about what you're doing, your purpose, work here, because at the top of the introduction we talked about you leaving what you've done for 30 years to invest in this completely, so I'm excited to dive in. So here at Cake Therapy, we are all about mental health and people's wellbeing, so we tend to do like a mental health check-in How's the week been? How?
Speaker 3:are you doing? You know one of the things I had to do because I'm going to tell you you know, when I quit that job, I was like who quit?
Speaker 3:Because I didn't think that was coming out of my mouth. But I have no clue of what these last couple of months were going to really foretell for me and I'm going to say this week has been a good week because I had to make that decision, even if life was lifing. Look at the silver lining and just say gratitude, because that is the only way you know to get through when life is lifing.
Speaker 2:Yes, yeah, absolutely. For me it's glooming, but I gloomy outside, but you know, we're both in Minnesota for all our listeners and but I've been having a great week too, and I was sharing with my listeners earlier that you and I are on such a similar path that you did it before me. Because I'm in the corporate world, I'm like balancing this, these two things, but I'm slowly transitioning because I have these young kids at home that needs their mom. But then you know, what is it worth if I can't raise them, have them and can't raise them, you know. So I'm slowly transitioning into this purpose-filled space.
Speaker 2:So you know, even though the podcast is called Cake Therapy, our overarching mission really is to highlight wellness, whatever forms is showing up in our communities, and to really try and create the platforms for these conversations. So I personally have been keeping up with your work. I have seen you doing your workshops and you know, before we dive into all of this, I want to say I'm so proud of you, I'm really so proud of what you're doing and what you stand in, and I really want to salute you and your organization for that. But let's you know what inspired you to start Mind the Crown and what is it? How did the social climate of 2020 influence this founding? Oh my gosh.
Speaker 3:So in 2020, let me just take you back and you just said we're in Minnesota and so I talk with my hands. I'm from the East Coast, everybody.
Speaker 2:Okay and um where are you from? New Jersey, right, okay, I'm on the east too. What part? Washington DC. I'm a DC girl.
Speaker 3:I'm a Howard Grimes? You don't have to. Yeah, no.
Speaker 1:Okay.
Speaker 3:I'll let you have it. I'll let you have it. If you're not on the turf like no, it's okay. But think about this George Floyd was murdered about 20 minutes away from where I live. The climate that we were in, that we were being called everything but the child of God, including our kids, and then we were having all these murders that were happening with our young men, and you know also we had COVID and we couldn't kinky with our girlfriends, we couldn't get out. We had to look at the people that was living with us in that whole face all the time.
Speaker 3:That's probably when them liquor stores were open.
Speaker 3:You know when the highlight was getting toilet paper at Walmart. So it was because of all of that that made me come up with Mind the Crown, because I was like we need to know that we are special, that we can do anything that puts our mind to it. And mine, the crown before was like a. I was like a target. I had something for everybody men, women and children but then we, then I evolved because women were buying stuff, but they weren't buying anything for themselves and I know, for me, I always got that superwoman cake, and when I'm a martyr, I love being a martyr, but I hate being a martyr, right? And then I was like no, no, no, I'm going to change this and I'm going to change it to women treating themselves and not cheating themselves.
Speaker 3:So in 2023-ish, I rebranded, relaunched and said my focus is on women and it's for self-care, because I'm around all these women that I work with in corporate America. They're getting cancer. Some of them have died from cancer. And then black and brown women we're struggling with being soft. So now we get 55, 60. We would love to have somebody to spend time with us, but we were such a strong black woman, brown woman, and we couldn't release in order to be able to be in a meaningful relationship. And those are the conversations I've been having with my mom. That's in her seventies, but look like she in her sixties. So that is really how Mind the Crown came about.
Speaker 2:You, when you speak of the speak of mind the crown in such a way that it's community focused. Why?
Speaker 3:Because you're with us, like you're why you know one, because I'm talking to myself, right. So I didn't start coming into my own until I turned 50, because I didn't think I was worthy of the self-care and so I would do for everybody else and I thought to validate it me, I needed to be in a relationship.
Speaker 3:So I was making all these wrong choices putting it out of interventions that I had to get to the point where I need a community to be there for us, and you know black and brown people. We're used to being in communities and even when I have my self-care events, I still feel like that's a community. I'm going to have a baker there, I'm going to have a caterer there, and I may partner with somebody else. I believe in having black-owned and women-owned businesses at the table. Even if we sell the same thing, it doesn't matter because we all can eat. But that community, I need to feed me, and so hopefully I'm feeding them as well.
Speaker 2:Yeah, so the name Mind the Crown. Where did you get it and what does it signify in terms of your mission, your overall mission?
Speaker 3:So one of the things you know that you hear a lot of times this is my crown. This is my crown, right, and it's not like the crown that I have in back of me you can see it over there. It's like this is our crown. So when I say mind the crown, it means mind yourself, make sure your mind is stable, make sure that you're good, take care of yourself. So that's what mind the crown means, not a physical crown, but when you think about our hair and everything else being our crown, it's the whole person so you transitioned um from your corporate job to this.
Speaker 2:How did your personal experiences with burnout in your profession actually shape the decision to to do this full-time?
Speaker 3:you know, one of the things told you I like to be superwoman at all times. Right, that's my fata girl. But what I was and a lot of people and I'm going to say a lot of women, but especially Black women we tend to in corporate America not only do our job and do it well, but we're also doing the DEI initiatives or we are the representation at everything that our company is doing. And after George Floyd was murdered, I realized I had fallen asleep at the helm and I wasn't bringing anybody up. I wasn't doing anything. I was rising but I wasn't bringing nobody else with me and I was like, oh, this has to change. So then I started really fighting hard. I was chairperson of the Black Employee Network. I did things with the Latino networks and other networks. I was trying to create programs for them. I was trying to educate on what Juneteenth meant by having you know world-renowned speakers. But it felt like it was a fight all the time and I was crying because I was like you're making these promises but you're not coming through and still trying to do my job and proving that I'm a black woman and you know, and I still am the best choice for the job and that I do it well. And I'm trying to mentor along the way, because my goal before I left was to have someone excel even greater than I. That's what I really wanted to have, but also I wanted them to see the representation. If you gave me a chance, let's give others a chance, because a lot of people even better than who I am, but trying to do all that and always trying to prove yourself. And I was there. You know, like you said, almost 30 years that I was starting to get back.
Speaker 3:After COVID, that was the best time of my life, not people passing, but I was able just to be who, working family, family got a new role that I didn't ask for and the team I love but didn't ask for them either. And you know, new leader in everything else. And I was working in the office until like 12 o'clock at night, sleeping three hours a day trying to do some, mind the crown limping along. I wasn't even doing it part-time. My goal was to leave in four years and I was in a meeting on my day off and I got up. I worked until midnight, got up at five, finished up what I was doing. I was supposed to be speaking somewhere.
Speaker 3:But I was on pins and needles because the speaking engagement was running behind. I knew I had to get on this call. I get on the call on my day off. I done, did all this work all my day off and I'm just hearing. It's not enough, it's not enough, it's not enough. And at that point something internally said you know what? I know I'm not ready financially, but I can't do this. I said, if I continue doing this, I'm going to get ill, I'm going to, it's going to kill me. I just felt that internally this is going to kill you. You can't do this anymore. So that loud voice said get out. When I said I quit, that wasn't me right. Who said quit? It was me that said it.
Speaker 3:But it was like an out-of-body experience. It was the best decision I could make, and I just want to say this part this is how good God is, because my husband introduced me to this woman on TikTok and she was an employment lawyer, right and then I found this woman talking about the sabbatical and how she went to another country and did house sitting. So then she showed me you can survive after this, along with our speakers. But then the other thing that was surprising to me it was people that I had touched along the way in my corporate environment and they helped me navigate leaving, yeah, and I needed that.
Speaker 2:And that's good, because you know what I often find like these organizations they put us in these awkward positions to fix things that they broke right. The EI work. They pick on the African-American person, the person of color. Why are you traumatizing, re-traumatizing us or traumatizing us even more? And so kudos to you for having the audacity to walk away from that and realizing in the moment that you were actually drowning because, like on your day off, adriana, like what never could take a day, off.
Speaker 3:That was the problem. You never could take a day off and know I took vacation time to grow my business, to do things. So I actually have things planned. But you know, being the martyr and being my generation, you always feel like you have to be so thankful that they took a chance on you. No, no, no. I more than delivered what they wanted me to do.
Speaker 2:Yeah, absolutely. And then you know, sometimes you lay in your bed you're like wondering, like why can't I grow this thing that I own? Because I'm out here like working on my day off, girl, I feel you. So our foundation, the Cake Therapy Foundation and shares really a profound commitment to really empowering girls and individuals. You know, foster care to ensure that girls who are impacted by the justice system can grow, and and I see that there is some alignment where focus or focuses on, like, women and girls. So my question here so your transition from a high paying corporate job to running Mind the Crown full time. What were some of the biggest challenges you faced during this transition?
Speaker 3:Well, I'm going to tell you one thing A lot of times, and I wasn't even chasing the corporate ladder anymore because I had made a conscious decision that I wasn't going to be a VP, didn't want to be a VP, I was going electric slide out of the company in four years. But when you leave a job, that's all you know and that's become your identity. It's that prestige of that, that six figure income I was making. It was, oh yes, I was making some coins Probably not.
Speaker 3:I wasn't making as much as the people above me. But I was OK, I felt good with what I had, you know. But you know, then I had prestige and power because everyone knew me People in the field and people in corporate and everything else. So I did have a reputation and I was afforded opportunities. I was like at the town hall with the CEO of the company, I was in the training videos.
Speaker 3:I was everywhere, anytime you need it, where she at Right. But I didn't realize. My daughter suffers and she's open about this borderline personality disorder and those who don't know this is not something curable. This is the hardest mental illness you ever can have and she has almost all the symptoms and I had no clue that she and she's 28. I had no clue that it had gotten to that point with my twin daughter that was living with her was dealing with. So I was at the point where because when I told my mom I quit, she thought I was laid off and she's like oh no, you are right, because I bled blue right.
Speaker 3:Everybody knew how committed I was to this company. I even did recruiting and I didn't know that she was at this point. She's been in the hospital four times this year and so what ended up happening was that morning that I needed to do and that excitement that now I can really focus full time on this business, because I had already had a plan as I was transitioning out. But my first four months four to five months was focused on her. You know now she lives alone, trying to find a program for her and then financially supporting her because she can't get unemployment because she couldn't continue working, because she can't look for a job right now because she needs to work in on her mental health.
Speaker 3:So you got that. You got your little nest egg that you're trying to live off of and you're down to like two thousand dollars to live off of and you're supporting her too. So you're dealing with all of that. But you still didn't even mourn the loss, but the sense of like. Who am I now? Yeah, I'm like, but know, but I still consider myself a startup. I'm not making those bucks like other women I'm surrounding around. I'm not. My brand has not risen like there. But then I don't have that title of being the senior director for change management or project management and being that person that was the chair of the Black Employee Network and this, that and the other employee network, and this, that and the other, all those other titles like excellent at my job. So it was a lot that, yeah, a lot, you know. And now I'm finally getting a chance to focus on my business, not having to be there every day with my daughter, my daughter being more independent on her own and right now she's doing the work.
Speaker 2:You articulate that so well, because even now I'm as you're describing, that I'm feeling that you know, because, like I said, I'm in that transition girl. It's a, it's a tough move. Um, so my whole body is like giving up on years of public health school, years of traveling as a public health principal, years of doing a PhD, to just sit still and just focus on this work. So, like my body's twitching, do you see it? I know.
Speaker 3:Like sometimes we're never going to have enough money, right.
Speaker 3:I think about you know, when I was making $35,000 and I thought if I ever made as much as I was making, I would be on easy street. But every time you make more money, I was spending more money. And so you have to get to that point that you have to say, if I took my last breath today, is it worth it or can I live below my means? You know, because we're going to figure it out, we're going to be resourceful, but it's just not worth it. I've seen people that went to drive an Uber and a Lyft downsize where they live. But you know what they have. They're not bringing any work home. They got peace of mind and they got this family. I missed out. I was there for the important events, but it was a lot of me being present that my kids miss out on, because my son is 38 and my daughter's at 28.
Speaker 2:Yeah, cause, girl, you're working on your day off All the time? Yeah, All the time. So can you elaborate a little bit more on um, uh, how, Mind? The Crown supports women, particularly from black and brown communities, in prioritizing self-care and personal growth. Walk us through the types of workshops, coaching and resource line. You know that you offer.
Speaker 3:So I love this question and you know, one of the things I used to say is having a softer life and our black and brown women we are, and you know, and, like I said, especially the ones that want to be in a heterosexual relationship. We are, and you know, and, like I said, especially the ones that want to be in a heterosexual relationship we give off masculine energy because we've had to be strong, we've had to take care of the house. We don't want, we have other obligations A lot of times kids, family members or whatever or we're giving to the whole family like a lot of people eating off of our check. So we don't get a chance to be portable, and when we do, we don't want to be mistreated and so we don't allow anybody in. And so when I started, I was like, ok, I need to meet women where they're at, and I really was focusing on black and brown women because that, initially, was who I was targeting.
Speaker 3:But I realized when it came to buying stuff and this, that and the other. They didn't want to do that. They didn't want to buy nothing. So I was like, ok, why? You know, I want to meet them where they're at. And so what I ended up doing is when I had that launch party, so many people came up to me at that launch party I had, and when I get a chance to speak at events, like my husband says, I'll be in line to talk to you. He said you should see what they're saying.
Speaker 3:And when I do vendor events, craft fairs, women are coming up and they're spending a lot of time talking to me, like letting go of everything. So what Mind the Crown does is we had a workshop and I don't know if I'll ever do another workshop because I don't like talking at you. I like it to be interactive, I like you to be in the moment. So what I do is I have self-care party, and what the self-care parties are? This? It's not like, oh, get the DJ over here, it's not. So what I end up doing is always an activity. So when I do the activity, it prevents you from being on your phone and everything else that allows you to be in the moment and so many women come by themselves. They're like honey. I found this and I always make it affordable $60. And what they end up doing is we did art therapy. It's blindfolded painting with the tempo of music. Do you know how relaxing that is? Then we had a dream board, but we had a panel discussion with you Are Enough, and I had other black women-owned businesses and I let them come free and they were able to sell their stuff if it tied to self-care Self-care is even your hair, right.
Speaker 3:And then my last event was called the Blossom Brunch and basically what we did there is we took a terracotta pot, we painted it, but we planted a succulent and just watching the women go in the dirt and get in the dirt and planting it it was so therapeutic. And then they gleaned it out, had some special plant stones that they gleaned it out. I had some special plant stones that they can put in there. But one of the things I always do is what are you going to leave behind? So when they come in, I'm like what you're going to leave behind, put it in the invisible jar because I'm leaving it behind, and at the end we do a sister circle like something positive right, something positive about yourself, and we do that sister circle.
Speaker 3:But then the other thing I do is I have the event catered and I try to order extra so if you have a child at home, a significant other, you can bring a plate home and then you don't have to cook. So that. So self-care means a lot of different things and it's about meeting that woman where she's at, whether you know she wants to buy a tumbler that reminds her of mining the crown that's why I brand so much. But. Or if she needs to be in the moment to be present, but I want to keep you where you're at so you can mine the crown.
Speaker 2:Yes, absolutely. They can also mine the crown with some cake therapy. How about that?
Speaker 3:You know I told you I do, I actually do use Bakers for my events. You know I'm trying to balance. I would love to do more to keep it affordable and so, you know, just still trying to work through that, because some people can't even afford the $60. Right, even though I'll let them yeah, they can ask me to, you know, give them payment plan. But a lot of times I get tickets too, because I am not just saying self-care because it's a catchphrase, I actually feel it.
Speaker 2:I mean, and I'm talking to myself, yeah, I feel it too, because once you enter into this space where it's purposeful, you're fulfilling a purpose, something that was predestined and given to you like a gift from God, like you feel every ounce of it, because you're walking in that purpose and you want it to be successful. And as we're talking about like successful here, have you had any real success stories since starting Mind the Crown?
Speaker 3:Huh, you know one of the things I and I just did a workshop for Led by Truth. You know one of the things I and I just did a workshop for led by truth. They have the bloom mentorship program and one of the things I talked about is redefining what success looks like, personal and professional, because a lot of times we think it's money, it's career advancement, it's all those other things. So I'm redefining success. So, yes, I've had success moments Anytime I can. I've had about four events now and I just started doing them, like last year, October of last year, and to be able to have these events and let other people come, other businesses, partner or just be part of that's a major accomplishment, because a lot of times we want to nestle so tight. We want to make all the money we possibly can. So, yes, it decreases the money that I make, but I'm bringing more people to the table. I'm bringing more exposure to other people, because you never know who might be in that room. So I feel that's a major accomplishment that I've had. I've had opportunities where I can see that people are reaching out to me more Like how can I help you? I had no clue that people even knew what Mind the Crown is and let alone want to see me grow when I do these vendor events one a week or two and one of the things that they say you know what?
Speaker 3:Last year I bought that backpack. Or one lady said at the hair show she said every time my daughter is around you, you make her feel so special. She's a teenage girl and she was like I bought a crown from you. Last year at the hair show her mother came back to my table and she wore all this stuff like a hundred dollars worth of stuff. She said because of the way you make my daughter feel. Yeah, and in the last milestone I mentioned backpacks and I I have backpacks for little boys and little girls and teenagers, and most of the backpacks I designed myself. But it's when I introduced the amazing black boy backpack. The thing about it is when little boys would get that backpack even older boys they would hug that backpack, they would hug it, and so to me, that's success. When you cause emotion in people, that's success, because that means that you are on the right path. This is what you're destined to do. So the commercial success, yes.
Speaker 1:I am making a couple of coins.
Speaker 3:That's not what I was making at the other place, but I'm thankful for that and I'm thankful for touching other people.
Speaker 2:Yeah, you hear that success comes in many different forms. It doesn't have to be in coin form. It has to be in partnership and community building.
Speaker 3:So my Did you hear me say, but I would mine the coins.
Speaker 2:But she would not mine the coins. She said that we all want the coins. We like to hear it shake. It's music to our ears. So in 2025, mind the Crown will be offering coaching services. What are your goals with that, what with this new offering, and how do you envision it impacting women the women you plan?
Speaker 3:to serve One. It's going to save lives. It's going to actually save lives and, and you know, and that's why, even though it was painful and I cried a lot when I, when that person I don't know who she was quit her job with no plan, that, um, I realized there's other people in this position and they are holding on and they could survive, and some of them were more financially stable, but they couldn't let go because of the role, the this, the that. So I want to help women that are like 45 to, I'm going to say, about 55, that are ready to leave corporate America, and what I'm going to do is I will have a wellness coach, meaning for physical wellness, if they need that. I will have a financial advisor if that's what they need. But what I'm going to be providing them is the tools for the one to five year plan, that emotion that comes with that, to be able to say you're going to be OK, right, we're going to work through.
Speaker 3:What does your next thing look like? Not everybody. I'm blessed to have had mine in the crown and I appreciate that, but not everybody wants to be an entrepreneur. They may want to leave and live in another country until they can retire fully, so it's success. They may want to drive a Lyft or Uber, so success looks different. But I want to get you through that emotional part so you could do the work to be ready. And then I'm going to. Also, like I mentioned, my other group is brown and black women. I want to help them be softer, be more vulnerable.
Speaker 3:You know I still struggle with it, like my husband will say that I used to do my yard work all the time and my yard was one of the best yards in my neighborhood and then, you know, I prayed to have a husband, you know, that was going to be out there doing that work. So COVID hit and then I was waiting for him to and that yard was looking a hot mess and then I just got frustrated and I was like I'm gonna go out there and do it, but I was like nah. And then finally I said you know, had a conversation with him and I had. You know, I came on saying this is important, can you get out there and do it?
Speaker 3:So when he planned to do it last week, what I ended up doing, oh, you don't have to do it, you could do it later, or you're not doing it as quick as I needed you to do. So now I'm out there doing it right. And he's like allow me to be a role. It may not be on your time, it may not be how you would do it, but allow me to fulfill this role in this household. And I was like, because nobody wants to be in a relationship where they're not needed.
Speaker 2:Yes, absolutely, and I too struggle. I too struggle with that because I was successful in my own right before I met my husband, and then I'm from a single parent household, so my mother taught me how to get it done. So even when I'm sitting in this marriage for 10, 13 years, I still feel like, oh my God, I need to be doing all of this stuff by myself. But I really don't have to. And the guy is just begging like let me help you, and you're like no, I can do it myself. But yeah, I have to try and be softer.
Speaker 3:You know what? Because a lot of times we're complaining because we don't get a chance to be soft. We're complaining because we always feel like we have to do everything Right. And then after a while, and you'll be grudging like you're oh, no, no, no, no, Right.
Speaker 3:But then when you sit back, some things you don't have to do or maybe it just won't be done. But what I'm going to do is I'm going to communicate what I need and we don't. We sit there and suffer in silence or we, they can't even get their foot good, Like my husband was like cause I'm like, I'm big about fixing plates. And he was like I'm like okay, what do you need? You want hot sauce on your chicken? You want butter on your corn? You want to? Would you want butter on your coat? You wonder what you want to drink? Then he's like you're doing too much. You don't need the salt and pepper my food, stop right. And I don't have to do that. He didn't ask me to do that, but because I feel like I have to be this super woman, that I have to be all these things and the best wife possible, that I'm like this. So either he can't finish anything because I'm jumping and doing it, or I'm doing too much when I don't have to put that on myself.
Speaker 2:Yeah, how do you step?
Speaker 3:back. You know, mine, the crown has helped me step back, because one of the things love bug, that's my husband will say is are you living a soft life? Are you living a soft life? Right? He's like I wonder what they would say about mine and the crowd, right? And then I? So I have to live it and I think my daughter going through borderline personality. Now her twin has been diagnosed with ms, so it's been a lot but.
Speaker 3:I when I had to just say to myself I want to live, I want to live. I cannot support my daughter with her mental illness. I can't try to be there for my other daughter and I can't do all the things I used to do for my husband. I'm one person and trying to get mine the crown off the ground, I can't do it all. So I communicated what I can and do what I couldn't do and I had that conversation with my husband. I can't do all those things I used to do.
Speaker 3:And you know, and this one cause I didn't want to be divorced either. Right, you know you're going to divorce me Cause I ain't going to be around. You know, like you're gonna divorce me because I ain't gonna be around and he's like, nah, I'm here for the long haul, like no, but I, the way I did it was I can't do it anymore. I can't do everything. I can't do everything to everybody anymore and I realized that if I don't take care of myself, I'm gonna give what's left of myself and then i'm'm not going to be even here or I'm going to be out of my mind. So basically and mentally, I couldn't do it anymore.
Speaker 2:So then? So what do you say to women right who struggle with accepting or getting to that space of realization that A they can't do it anymore and they're unable? To prioritize their own self-care amidst their professional and their personal responsibility, Like what?
Speaker 3:do you say to that girl and I would say do this exercise, that some things that we can delegate and some things that we can't, and some things just don't get done. And so not everybody has the ability to hire a housekeeper to come to the house to clean the house or maybe go on a vacation or maybe have a break from the kids, whatever it is right. Everybody can't do that. But one of the things you can do is take inventory and I would say, get a sheet of paper and on a sheet of paper, write the things from a personal, professional perspective at a high level that you have to do. Then, when you do it, see if it's something that you need to keep, something you can give to somebody else, or something you got to leave alone, or maybe something you can automate or have a third party help you with that. Like, my house is a hot messcom, right, not the main, well, even the main floor, because I got all these products here, but you know what? The kitchen is clean. I cook every day all that stuff, but the rest of the stuff it ain't going to get done because I can't do all of that in one day.
Speaker 3:So what I end up saying is stop punishing yourself. Stop thinking that you have to do it all, and if you got kids, even as young as five, they can do something. You got to communicate to your children, your significant others and everything else, because, trust me, they see you and they can tell that you're not your best self, because you're probably being short, you're probably being irritable, right, and they have the best of you instead of all of you and you are hot mess dot com. So those are some of the things taking inventory, but also giving yourself permission to say no, no, not right now, and you don't have to feel guilty. Let me get close. You don't have to feel guilty for choosing yourself. You don't have to. It's not selfish. Now we do got some selfish people, but the people I'm talking to are the people that will do the world for everybody but won't for themselves.
Speaker 2:It is not selfish to take a beat. You don't have to feel guilty. You shouldn't feel guilty. So it brings me to ask you this how can individuals like the community and organizations as a whole contribute to creating a more supportive environment for women's mental health, contribute to creating a more supportive environment for women's mental health? What's your take on that?
Speaker 3:One, especially in a brown and black community. Let's stop stigmatizing it, because think about this I finally went. I was seeing a therapist before, but really not because it was through work. They gave it to you free. I had my first therapy session. Her name is Adrienne and that's what I go by, and she's a Black woman, and I had my first session, and the reason why I did that was because I was tired of sharing with my husband my best friend, because she's my strong friend.
Speaker 3:So you're dumping all that on them. So what I'm trying to do is normalize therapy. Therapy is a form of having someone talk to you and they may actually have some tips, but they don't love you, so they're not going to be judging all these different people. So that's the first thing I would say have more events and when you have events, have something that makes that something with their hands. Whether it's cake decorating or whatever it might be, candle making, be dueling a phone case, whatever it might be. Allow them to do something with their hands so for that moment, it could take them away from their everyday life. Make it accessible. We get so caught up with these self-care events, even for young teenagers, that we price them out where they can't even afford to go sometimes you're not going to make as much corn as you want.
Speaker 3:Sometimes you don't have to offer some stuff free.
Speaker 3:I can't offer everything free, but sometimes but I try to give some things free. I don't have sponsorship, I just take the loss. So you got to make it accessible to people. That's another thing. But I think, not making them feel guilty about therapy, listening, listening, right, everything doesn't have to be something big. Sometimes you can just have that one-on-one time. I'm going to tell you, when I have my events and even at my table, when I'm vendor, I hug people right and I don't even ask right, because you can see their spirit needs that hug and sometimes that's the only hug they'll get all week. And so it's all these different things listening, not making therapy feel bad, making self-care events or whatever accessible to everybody.
Speaker 3:And one of the things I'm going to do, probably in November have an event where it's virtual. Some people can't leave, some people are at home, some people don't feel comfortable being around other people. So I want to be able to have something that's tangible, that people can afford, that they can go to. So that's some of the things I would say. And then also, hey, you company, how about sponsor? Sponsor, it could be buying a ticket. How about, sponsor, it is so great to see you at all these large galas and events sponsor. It is so great to see you at all these large galas and events, but you get these brands, these small brands that are trying to give back to the community, that can't afford to give back to the community, but again, we don't get any support and sponsorship.
Speaker 3:And also not just organizations. What about just you as an individual? You can donate 10 or $20. You don't have to it, don't have to be for you. Think about $10 or $20. You don't have to it, don't have to be for you. Think about 10 or $20. You don't spend that. At what? Getting some coffee for two days.
Speaker 2:Yeah, yeah. So, looking back on on this journey of yours, what are you most proud of and what keeps you motivated to continue to do it?
Speaker 3:I am proud that I have started setting boundaries. Am I all the way there? But I'm an only child and I'm a pleaser because, as only children, that's how we got friends. So it was all this time that I would hold in all this hurt and because I wanted people to like me so bad, and that's why that superwoman thing is so important to me. But I am saying I'm not fully there yet, but what I have determined, that I am going to protect my peace at all costs, whether it's family members, friends, job, whatever. I'm protecting my peace and I'll do that square. And I'm not fully there. I need to have more conversations with people, but at this time I will put that square and I will say I need to take a time out for you. And so that is extremely important because boundaries is something I never could keep, never a boundary, so I am so proud of myself.
Speaker 3:I'm not there all the way, but I'm getting there.
Speaker 2:Yeah, and as we're wrapping up this conversation, what? What are some of the things that you would like the listeners to take away from our conversation around the importance of self-care and, you know, community?
Speaker 3:support in general. I know that we is predominantly women that we're talking to, but I also want to first touch on men and the thing that resonated with me. Like I told you, I do a vendor event one or two a week, and I was packing up for the day and it was a young man in his 20s. He was on the bike. My husband said he was working at Super America down the street and he was like what do you sell? Because I was ready to go, and he was like what'd you sell? I said, well, candles. And blah, blah, blah.
Speaker 3:And he was like men need self-care too. Okay, I was like huh, he said I like candles. So then I took the candles out, then I let him smell them. He said, well, I don't know where to carry them. So I showed him this amazing this I am a black king backpack I designed. He said, oh, I like that, wrapped it up, he put it in the backpack and he left. And so I think one of the things I would want to say is, yes, we as women need self-care, but so do men. Men need self-care. A lot of them have that armor on at all times. They don't get the chance to take off, and they need to. We need the ability to make space as well, for them to be able to take care of themselves.
Speaker 3:Yes, okay, that's the first thing but what I would say as far as self-care prioritize your self-care. Figure out what self-care means to you and prioritize it. I know coins are tight. Not everything involves spending money. It could be that you can go. They got free 99 events on eventbrite. You can walk around the lake. You can walk around the lake. You can walk around the neighborhood. If you have a cell phone, you can get some earbuds and you can listen to your favorite music and walk. You can take a bath. You can take your little iPad or phone, watch your favorite movie in the bathtub. It's like you can have the candles going and just you know. Now they got all these channels on YouTube. So it's like so many different things you can do. But prioritize your self-care. You may say once a month I'm going to do something, once a quarter I'm going to do something. But write down, because if you write it down, you'll remember it and it makes it actionable. But prioritize your self-care community, one of the things that we have to realize that we are not successful if the other other people are not successful.
Speaker 3:Stop leaning on your strong friends so much. Ask them if they are ready, receive what you have, or that you can be there as a listener. A lot of times, when we we dump on people, we never ask them are they ready to hear it? Are they ready to? We don't know what they're dealing with, but they got to put it aside because all you know is you and your emotions. Take care of your strong friend. Reciprocate Right, reciprocate in the care that they're giving you. That's important. That's where that community comes from, and let's support others. Let's support others. It may be people at work, your personal life, somebody you go into the daycare. You see this mom is going through it, this father is going through it. It's nothing wrong with a nice word to get somebody through.
Speaker 2:Or even hey.
Speaker 3:I'm a, I'm a, you know, she didn't know or he didn't know. I'm gonna give this little gift a little something, something or a word of encouragement. So that's what community can be without having the financial impact. So those are some of the things I would definitely encourage us when, I say community, let's be a village.
Speaker 2:Yeah, let's be a village. So, in the spirit of being a village, can you share with our listeners how they can find Mind the Crown, how they can support your vision and even get involved?
Speaker 3:Well, first of all say you can find mind the crown at every pop-up. That's where you can probably buy something, no, the way. So where you can find mind the crown, I am on instagram, mind the crown llc. I am on facebook and tiktok and youtube under mind the crown, and also I my products and I have luxury robes, I have tumblers like you can see with the crown, wooster Journal and candles everything you can imagine. I have so many different products because affirmation cards, even coloring books right, adult coloring books to meet the woman where she is. So, and that is mindthecrowncom.
Speaker 3:But one of the things I want to say to you is that a lot of times when we deal with social media, we see the best versions of everybody. Life is golden they. I can hear Jill Scott living life like it's golden in the background. And one of the things I'm trying to do consciously is not always not flossing my life, like I was just on there talking about. I went to my first therapy, right, and so that is one of the things I'm going to do with my YouTube channel is just be authentic and real, and even if nobody ever listens, it's a way for me to get it out of myself as well, but that's how you can support me, and I also do custom gifts.
Speaker 3:It could be you may have a company or family members and you want to buy something special for them. I'll do payment plans. You can describe your family member and it could be something unique and special about them, Cause I I don't. It doesn't have to be something I carry on my website, but I do do custom gifts, starting at $25. And then come to a self-care event. Like I told you, I'm going to start doing more quarterly events that are virtual as well. Come to an event, but, most importantly, the way you can support me, whether you buy from me, whether you go to an event, follow me on social media. Treat yourself, don't cheat yourself.
Speaker 2:That's what you can do Treat yourself, don't cheat yourself. Tell them about this journal you have. Can you pop it up in the camera and tell them where to find it?
Speaker 3:I have so many journals, but I will show you this one. So this journal here is the Woosa Journal, and you're like, what does Woosa mean? You'd be amazed how many people ask me that.
Speaker 3:So you know, it centers you right, it calms you down, and so the Wooster Journal is. I always think about us as women, right? So the first thing I have is that it says who it belongs to, because I feel like if you write in there who it belongs to, then it belongs to you. Maybe this is something you're cherished and actually use. But then the other thing I have in here is I have a weekly checklist. Now, with the weekly checklist, it's undated, because you know why?
Speaker 3:Because life is life and I don't want you to beat yourself up because you couldn't get to it. So that's why I have it undated, and it's nice and quick. And then every eighth page, I have a queen quote. But what I also have is this tab right here, and you're like gosh, you got this tab Okay, because somebody could get on your last nerves and you need to woosah and write it down. And so this way, when you woosah and write it down, you can scribble, you can do bullet points, you can actuallyble.
Speaker 3:You can do bullet points you can actually, but what ends up happening is when you write in this, you go back to the front and see this to show path, but then in the back, I remind you about adopting a lifestyle where you don't have to be unwavering strong. It's all times you can set boundaries and also explore the things that bring joy, and I made it something that was beautiful, because if it's beautiful, maybe you'll use it. But because we're beautiful, we deserve nice things, and I only charge like $20 for this, but I have coloring books and everything else. So definitely check it out, because it's about us having mindfulness activities that will take us away from what we're dealing with.
Speaker 2:Yep, everyone deserves a WUSA journal. They deserve a WUSA moment. Adriana, trust me, this has been amazing, so thank you so much for joining me. It was wonderful hearing about your journey and sharing a little bit about cake therapy with you and the amazing work that you continue to do for the community through Mind the Crown. Any last thoughts or reflections you'd like to leave with us before you know?
Speaker 3:You know what this is going to take you from out of the blue. I love Jamaica. Yes, I do love Jamaica. Okay, yes, I do love Jamaica. Yes, yes, I do love Jamaica. Yes, yes, I came ready for Jamaica today. I love it because they are the woman, cousins, but they are the most richest people, genuine people, and when you think of self-care, you think of Jamaicans right, yeah, man Right, they ain't bustling.
Speaker 2:They be like slow that. Yes, we got Way bustling. They be like slow that, ah yes.
Speaker 3:We got plenty of time. No, we don't, we got plenty of time, plenty of time Right. And so that richness and what I heard that you were from Jamaica. I said, okay, that's why she got that great spirit, because she from.
Speaker 2:Jamaica. I'm all Jamaican girl. I'm all Jamaican girl. I'm all I'm everything. It's intercalated in my DNA. I breathe it, I spew it. I'm everything Jamaican. That's self-care.
Speaker 3:That's what I feel at home is when I'm in Jamaica. Yeah, we're sisters, girl.
Speaker 2:Hello, I'm telling you I need to come back and it ain't for the men.
Speaker 3:I said I had a husband. Thank you so much, Adriana.
Speaker 2:You know what listeners. I'm encouraging you to go find the crown, find her page, learn about her work. I was in awe, before you know, when I found her page and I reached out and I was like I have to speak to her, I must, and upon connecting with her, there was an. It was something about her, and it showed up today. I hope that you enjoyed this slice of joy and healing on the Cake Therapy Podcast, I'm encouraging you to go subscribe. Yes, if you're listening and not subscribing, what is it worth? I'm joking, but thank you for your listenership. Please go and subscribe, though. Continue to support the Cake Therapy Foundation. Everything, everything that you send to us go to the betterment of the girl. Buy us a coffee goes to the girl also. So thank you so much for joining us. Thank you, adriana, for joining us. Thank you, adriana, for joining us as well. Thank you. Today's Mindful Moment tells us that baking is the art of waiting. Find beauty in the pause, in the spaces between each step.
Speaker 1:Thank you for tuning in to the Cake Therapy Podcast. Your support means the world to us. Let us know what you thought about today's episode in the comment section. Remember to subscribe wherever you get your podcast and if you found the conversation helpful, please share it with a friend. Also, follow Sugar Spoon Desserts on all social media platforms. We invite you to support Cake Therapy and the work we do with our foundation by clicking on the Buy me a coffee link in the description or by visiting the Cake Therapy website and making a donation. All your support will go towards the Cake Therapy Foundation and the work we are doing to help women and girls. Thanks again for tuning in and we'll catch you on the next episode.