The Hardcore Therapist 131.5- When Someone Dies by Suicide: What We Need to Understand, Say, and Do

When someone dies by suicide, the questions come fast.

How did this happen?
 Why didn’t I see it?
 What could I have done differently?

In this episode of The Hardcore Therapist, I talk about what actually matters when something like this happens—without speculation, without oversimplifying it, and with respect for the people who are grieving.

This is a grounded conversation about:

• why suicide is not always visible from the outside
• why this kind of loss can hurt deeply even if you did not know the person personally
• what to actually say when you are worried about someone
• how to support someone without feeling like you have to fix it
• and how grief after suicide can bring sadness, anger, guilt, confusion, and shock all at once

If you have been struggling to make sense of this kind of loss—or if you have been carrying pain quietly yourself—this episode is for you.

If you are in the U.S. and need support, call or text 988. If there is immediate danger, call 911 or go to the nearest emergency room.

*Some Ideas

When Someone Is Struggling: What To Say, What To Do, What To

Know

WHAT TO NOTICE

Withdrawal, irritability, hopelessness, loss of interest, changes in sleep, energy, or behavior. There

isn’t always a clear sign.

WHAT TO SAY

“You haven’t seemed like yourself lately. I care about you—what’s been going on?”

ASK DIRECTLY

“Have you had thoughts about hurting yourself?” Asking directly does not make it worse. It can

open the door to honesty.

WHAT HELPS

Be present, listen without immediately trying to fix it, stay calm, and help connect them to support.

WHAT NOT TO DO

Don’t minimize, don’t rush to solve it, don’t panic, and don’t assume you know what they mean.

IF YOU’RE STRUGGLING

You do not have to wait until it gets worse. Reach out to someone you trust, a therapist, your

doctor, or a crisis resource.

U.S. CRISIS SUPPORT

Call or text 988 for the Suicide & Crisis Lifeline.

If there is immediate danger or a medical emergency, call 911 or go to the nearest emergency

room.

Veterans can call 988 and press 1, text 838255, or chat through the Veterans Crisis Line.

FOR THOSE GRIEVING

Grief can include sadness, anger, confusion, and guilt. You are not responsible for another person’s

internal world.

REMEMBER

You do not need perfect words. Just notice, ask, and stay.Sarah Kuretzky Rossington, MA, LPC, NBCC

Licensed Professional Counselor

Listen to The Hardcore Therapist podcast for more direct,

trauma-informed mental health insight.

If you or someone you know is in immediate danger, call 911 or go to the nearest emergency room.