128. You Don’t Bloom by Attacking the Soil

Every time you decide to start again — lose weight, move more, eat better, change a habit — your brain does something sneaky. It goes backward.

It replays everything you “should have” done.
It reminds you of every missed workout.
Every abandoned plan.
Every season you think you “wasted.”

In this episode, we’re talking about that judgment spiral — why your brain does it, how it’s actually trying to protect you, and why it has nothing to do with your character.

You’ll learn:

• Why your brain judges the past when you try to change
• How self-attack creates stress (and makes change harder)
• Why winter is not a moral failure — it was a season
• How to reframe “I made it harder” into something empowering
• Why data is useful but judgment is inflammatory

And most importantly:
You don’t bloom by attacking the soil.

If you’re ready to let go of the shame and move forward with steadiness instead of self-criticism, this episode is for you.

If you’d like ongoing support with this work, join us inside Lifestyle Support Monthly. The first 30 days are free.

👉 www.sugarfreemd.com/lsm

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This episode was produced by The Podcast Teacher: www.ThePodcastTeacher.com.

Transcript

All right everybody welcome back to the podcast Listen I want to spend a little bit of time today talking about this judgment that we have of ourselves and of the past And I know I mentioned it just briefly last week but I do think it deserves some time and attention So I wanted to talk to you a little bit about it again today OK

There's something that happens and I'm using it seasonally We're talking about it as a season but it happens all the time Whenever we decide to restart or to start something new our brain does this really horrible thing where it judges every moment leading up to this point

Like had we done anything different we wouldn't have to be doing this now right So this is everything like weight loss diet exercise change in your being ever our brain does this And I do think it's because our brain doesn't like change And so this is one of the tactics to stop you from doing anything new Our brain has lots of them OK So what it does instead of taking the leap into that discomfort of starting something new our brain brings up everything it can think of to tell you why you've basically ruined it ahead of time before you start So if we get on the scale because we've decided we're going to lose weight and we get on the scale I really don't know if it matters what the number is but your brain is going to say all of this stuff about see you should have done more before you wasted all this time If you had stuck to the 50 diets before now you wouldn't be in this spot And then it just goes downhill from there Same thing about exercise right You go you go to the gym because you've decided you're going to move more And the first moment you're short of breath or something's hard your brain is going to bring up every single time that you didn't go to the gym when you said you were going to or when you thought about going or not even that just like you didn't go yesterday look at what a failure you are So it says all of these things almost automatically about should You should have done more you should have gotten off the couch before you should have followed that other diet you should have been should have been should have been OK And so what I am telling you is that it doesn't matter This is what our brain is going to do And so I want you to understand that our brain does this And even if you're smart your brain is not always right And even if you think that's not true I'm always right that's fine Even if it's right it doesn't matter OK So when we talk about winter as a season that we wasted it or I've lost momentum or I've been lazy I'm behind I should have done more Winter is not a moral failure It was a season and we get to decide to move on OK

This evidence that our brain is finding to stop us from doing something new and scary is not evidence about our character It is just evidence that our brain wants to protect us That's all it is Maybe our energy did dip and maybe we didn't exercise as much as we wanted and maybe we ate emotionally right We ate those feelings when we didn't want to and we knew we had other ways to do it Maybe we just went through something really hard OK Maybe we just rested because that's what our body needed And instead of saying that's all fine I needed that or that's the best I could do or it brought me to here so it's perfect Our brain is saying we're bad right It is saying something about our moral character that we are bad or we are flawed or we are unworthy and that is not at all the truth The truth is all these things happened and we have made a very brave decision to do something new and different and our brain hates new and different That's all it means And so one tactic it uses is going back as far back as you'll let it go Right To tell you all the reasons you've made it harder This wouldn't be so hard if you hadn't messed up so much before Right No that's not right OK Or even if it was who cares Just recognize that this is a brain tactic to keep you stuck Because it is comfortable to not change But we want to change and we want to grow and we want to do this So there is going to be a lot of like reset your spring spring reset all of that right Clean up start over declutter spring clean all of those things And that's I love that because it is taking this little spark of momentum that we get this wanting to like this decision because we have a little bit more energy to do stuff I love that all of that's out there But it's the second piece that happens where we judge everything that's happened for the last three months That's the piece I want you to shake off Because maybe it's even longer than the last three months that your brain is trying to tell you that like you did all these things and you should have been doing something different And now this is going to be too hard Recognize that that is your little chicken little brain pulling out all the manipulation to get you to not try That's it it's going to pull up every single thing it can think of It is going to play on every fear of failure that you have It is going to go back and search for any evidence it can It is going to throw up everything that you have not done so you've made it so much harder on yourself It's all in an effort not to try So when you recognize that that's all it is you can almost treat it like a little child Thank you but I'm not going to listen OK Thank you for trying to manipulate me but I get to decide My higher brain gets to decide This primitive part of me that doesn't want to do because doing is scary and different and like the world could end We don't need that right now We're not talking about like I don't even jumping caves or like outrunning a lion We're talking about like maybe going to the gym These are not life and death situations but our brain is so afraid of change It has convinced us that we're so afraid of failure that we'll be so ashamed that everyone will know and we'll never be able to raise our heads again Right You hear how ridiculous that sounds There is no way to succeed without failing Like it's not as long as we don't quit we learn so much and we just keep going Every successful person every successful invention had like countless numbers of failures before they figured it out And that's all this is right Failure is nothing to be afraid of It's just not it's just the learning Like we're learning something and we keep going But our brain is really going to try and bring up everything that's happened and trying to tell us all this judgment about whatever happened before today to make it seem like you've made it too hard you've ruined it before you've even started right I know we have all felt this I know I'm not alone Our brain really the bigger the thing you want to do probably the bigger it's going to do this Or the more times you've tried it in a different way without this kind of support it's just going to bring it all up about how you have already ruined it All of your past decisions have ruined any chance of this working And I want you to recognize that is just all garbage It's garbage It is just your brain trying to keep you from starting and changing and growing and doing something new and exciting because it's afraid So if you can recognize that it can make it easier to let it go

The other thing I want to say is that we can choose to believe even if let's say our brain is still going to be like no you still made it harder you still messed up OK fine I made it harder Let's agree to that agree to disagree but I'm going to agree Yes I made it so much harder on myself to start today fine Everything that happened before today got me to the point where I'm ready to try something new and different today So it all happened for a reason and it's all fine OK It was all supposed to like it was perfect that it happened that way because now today I'm ready to do something new So even if your brain tells you all the reasons you made it too hard it's just trying to get you to stop But even if we can say OK brain fine I believe you I've made it too hard but that's perfect because now I'm really ready OK So either way we can stop our brain and this horrible spiral that it tries to do at either junction We can say I understand you're telling me all this because you don't want me to try something new because you're afraid That's fine but I'm going to do it anyway Or we can say you're right I did make it harder but it's perfect that I made it harder because now I'm really ready and I'm ready to try something new and different in a way I've never done before And I'm going to think new things so that I have different feelings and different actions and I am going to be successful OK Do not discount how important this piece of letting all of this go is Because if we do not let go of all of this judgment and acknowledge that this is what our brain is doing it's just going to keep coming up So when we do have a day where we're out in the wild and things are going wrong our brain's going to be like see see And we're going to believe it So I do think this is very very important to understand but not only just conceptually understand but to like acknowledge it and like talk to the elephant in the room Like I get it I understand why you're doing this but I'm going to do these things anyway

Change is scary I get it I did make it harder on myself but I'm going to do it anyway Maybe we need a journal about it Maybe we need to write ourselves a letter like forgive the past Whatever it takes we have to let it go or it's going to keep trying to stop us Our brain's going to try and stop us in all kinds of different ways right Cause it doesn't like change but this judgment piece this you made it harder you failed up until now Gotta clear like clean slate Talk about spring cleaning let's clean this OK Get all that judgment out of there

When we attack ourselves like that our brain interprets it as danger and then we have the whole cortisol and all those things that we don't like So I want you to just listen take it in from your brain acknowledge it like reassure or it doesn't matter wherever you want to stop this spiral do it

We have to let go of the judgment of anything we did up until this point even if we concede that it made it harder Our brain's trying to tell us we made it so hard that we have no chance of success because it doesn't want us to try to change That's all it's doing It's trying to protect us So we can just say I understand you're trying to protect me No thank you like I got this And I forgive everything that happened before You're right I didn't work out as much as I should have I did overeat emotionally but that was a season and it's over right That is not like there's no moral judgment no character judgment like yep it happened and now I'm ready That's all we have to do OK We don't bloom by attacking the soil We have to just like say yes thank you Thank you for all the things that you did to get me to this point Motivation fluctuates seasons happen Thank you for getting me to this point I'm ready now We are going to let all of that go OK When we think I'm lazy or I didn't do it enough right Then it's this fear of failure and avoidance and then overcompensating and then quitting ahead of time We're not going to do that anymore OK All right

I want you to think that everything that happened before was data if that is helpful Data is useful judgment is inflammatory So when we say like you ate emotionally like you ate your feelings yesterday bad girl No no why did I do that But that's just data what can I learn We have to let go of the judgment of it

So our brain is trying to tell us that we've ruined it it's too hard and we'll never succeed so we shouldn't even try Recognize that that is just your brain and a tactic it is using to prevent change because change is scary OK just a tactic and we don't have to listen to any of it If our little like that little part of us is still listening to it and believes it then we have to do a reframe where we say that is perfectly fine that all of that happened up until now It was a season It was the best I could do It happened It's perfect because now I am in this position today because all of that happened and I'm ready to change and do something different So we just let go of all of that inflammatory judgment OK

So that's what we can do We do not need a different body We did not need different soil like we are going to bloom anyway We are going to make changes We are going to do things different We are going to change though and that is going to be uncomfortable And our brain's going to fight it But now that you know that's what's happening sometimes that's enough And if that's not enough and you're still like part of you is listening being like yeah man I really did I made it so much harder on myself then find a way to forgive and let that go I think the idea that it made you perfect for right now for the mindset that you're in for the change that you want to make for the new goals you're going to set is enough like I'm so glad all of that happened because now I'm really ready So we don't attack ourselves for whatever happened before right We say thank you very good now I'm ready right So if we're a little plant and we're a little seed we don't attack the soil right It's like it just is it is what it is and we can't change it we're going to bloom anyway All right I hope that this was helpful OK I really this piece is so important If you need more support and you need more things like this please join us in the membership OK It's going to be so good and we're having a lot of fun in there and you're missing out So www sugarfreemd.com/LSM that is for Lifestyle Support Monthly All right first 30 days are free so make sure you get in there Talk to you next week bye