The Ordinary Doula Podcast

E75: Fertility Journeys: Supporting Those Who've Faced Challenges

• Angie Rosier • Episode 75

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The emotional journey of those who have experienced fertility challenges requires special care and understanding during pregnancy and birth, with many carrying deep anxiety, fear, and complex emotions throughout their experience.

• Growing number of people facing fertility challenges in our society
• Emotional sensitivity acknowledging the difficult journey to pregnancy
• Validating fears that come from past losses and struggles
• Creating space for both celebration and grief simultaneously
• Importance of continuity of care and building trust with providers
• Heightened anxiety and potential PTSD from past experiences
• Feelings of guilt for not experiencing pure joy
• Need for compassionate support extending into the postpartum period
• Importance of community support from those with similar experiences
• Approaching each situation gently without assuming we know everything

Please make a human connection, go out and make a difference in someone's day, be a positive impact for someone nearby or far away, so that we can all connect a little better as humans on this planet that we share together.


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Show Credits

Host: Angie Rosier
Music: Michael Hicks
Photographer: Toni Walker
Episode Artwork: Nick Greenwood
Producer: Gillian Rosier Frampton
Voiceover: Ryan Parker

Speaker 1:

Welcome to the Ordinary Doula Podcast with Angie Rozier, hosted by Birth Learning, where we help prepare folks for labor and birth with expertise coming from 20 years of experience in a busy doula practice, helping thousands of people prepare for labor, providing essential knowledge and tools for positive and empowering birth experiences.

Speaker 2:

Hello and welcome to the Ordinary Doula podcast. In this episode, we will be talking about the needs of those who have experienced some fertility challenges. This is growing in our society. There's a lot of people dealing with fertility challenges for a variety of reasons and in our practice, we have helped dozens, if not hundreds, of people over the years who have dealt with fertility challenges, and this has a unique factor in it when we're talking about the birth, labor and birth experience and the pregnancy experience, obviously as well. Right, so there are some specific needs of people and and some specific priorities when they have struggled with infertility.

Speaker 2:

I remember when I was a younger doula gosh, let me do the math, maybe not, I won't do the math, but, um, I don't remember how old I was, but this couple that I was helping have a baby it was their first baby and they had been trying for 18 years 18 years to have this baby. So I remember I was 13 when they started trying. So 13 plus 18, however old that is, that's how old I guess I was in my early 30s, so early in my doula career. And while the birth of every single baby is pretty amazing, this one had a different feel to it, as we knew this had been a long, long, long time coming. We've helped people that have been through IVF multiple times. I had someone just this year or maybe it was late last year who had had six or seven felled IVF attempts. So that's a lot of loss, a lot of effort, a lot of investment in every single way. Emotionally, financially, that's tough. So some specific needs and priorities.

Speaker 2:

Those who struggle with infertility and this may resonate with you, um, but an emotional sensitivity, so acknowledging this, the journey it took to get here right, there's a lot of questions, there's a lot of unknowns, there's a lot of risk, there's a lot of um, uh, you know, dealing with losses and dealing with challenges. So not just assuming, woohoo, you're pregnant now. You're, you know, far into this pregnancy, everything's great now you can just be happy now. That doesn't always exist. One of the people I helped as we were getting closer to her delivery and I was her doula she's like I don't trust any of this Meaning her body, the pregnancy goes. I don't think I don't know that of this meaning her body, the pregnancy goes. I don't think I don't know that my body will know what to do. It hasn't ever known what to do in the past. Getting pregnant was so difficult I don't know if this baby's going to make it. We've had so many losses. So her connection to the baby she felt um was was challenged by her past experience as well. Um, so going into this was an incredible emotional sensitivity, being very gentle to the emotions that these people are facing.

Speaker 2:

Also, validating fears right, there's some extra layer of fears here. Many carry anxiety about how labor delivery is going to go. Some people it's not a high percentage, but some people are afraid that they're going to die or their baby's going to die throughout the labor process. But this validation of fear can be quite meaningful for people who have had losses or struggled with infertility. So they might carry this fear deep into pregnancy or even into labor. Even past that, once they see the baby and the baby's here, they may need more frequent reassurance until they know this is real, this is going to stick, this is going to be okay, and it's tragic in the times that it is not right.

Speaker 2:

Um, I have had in the last couple months a couple really tough um client experiences that just made me weep. You know I've been doing this for well over 20 years and have had some experiences lately that are just terrifying, that absolutely grip you with fear and, um gosh, they hit you. They hit you pretty hard for a while, and so I've I've, uh, gotten to weep over a few experiences as of late, um, also creating a space for celebration and grief and then knowing that those two things can exist at the same time. Together. These are mixed feelings, right Joy and sorrow. Sorrow for past losses, sorrow for what they've gone through, and then feeling great joy for what lies ahead. Or whatever successes you know in fertility we may have achieved aren't always just overshadowed. They don't always overshadow the losses or the grief that is felt.

Speaker 2:

There's one couple I worked with a few years ago and they had they didn't have a fertility challenge, but they did have a loss of a child who was, you know, a little older. That was an older baby loss and they were coming into a new pregnancy with a new baby and incredible emotional needs for that couple as they worked through that, especially for the dad, and you know he had seen his baby not make it like and this baby had, you know, no health problems, no history, and died suddenly at an older age, older than a year. Even so, knowing that that kind of loss was possible made this very difficult and difficult to experience all the joy that they could have. So they were very proactive and we kind of so that at the hospital they would be treated appropriately. We put a sign on their door that said please be gentle with us as we are celebrating the arrival of this baby and mourning the loss of our other baby. And so they explained it a little bit to their staff, because even without knowing things, staff at the hospital your nurses, your doctors sometimes can say things that would seem a little insensitive if they don't understand the whole situation. So, allowing space for grief and celebration, grief and joy.

Speaker 2:

Also, continuity of care. So building trusting relationships with providers matters a lot. Sometimes you become attached to providers that you have an experience with or that you go through a lot with, like fertility treatments. They may not just want to be another patient, right, they may want that specialized care a lot with like fertility treatments. They may not just want to be another patient, right, they may want that specialized care. Again, plug for doulas A doula can provide continuity of care throughout a pregnancy, a labor, a birth and beyond in many cases. So sometimes that doula becomes kind of key to the experience and the journey.

Speaker 2:

Some unique challenges that those face that have had fertility problems are heightened anxiety, right Of course, and PTSD from past experience. That might be cycles of IVF, it might be miscarriage, it might be loss, it might be late term loss and these situations are going to need support far beyond the end of a pregnancy and far beyond even, you know, say, they have a baby and they go home and everything seems fine. There's also that sense of loss or potential of loss that they feel that needs to be followed into that postpartum time. So seeking some good postpartum support, a lot of time that comes in community, so community of others who have experienced similar losses. This could be community and family and friends who hopefully are approaching the situation appropriately. And sometimes there's people feel guilt for not feeling grateful enough. Right, if labor isn't easy. Joyful. One of my another recent client I had about a year ago she had, you know she felt that exact thing. She's like I just feel bad that I'm not so happy about this, where other people are over the moon about it and understanding there's different ways to feel about the exact same thing.

Speaker 2:

I'm with a client recently who has had fertility challenges for well over 11 years, so much so that they've adopted two children and, with some shift in their approach to treatments, she's been able to become pregnant, and so navigating a whole new journey to getting their third child has been interesting for them as well, and there's no right or wrong way to do it. Everyone's going to do it in their own unique way, but they do have some specific needs and desires and priorities, of course, based on the experience that they have had in their past. So hopefully, those of us who deal with um you know we work with in that population of pregnant and expecting people, um can approach each situation gently. Um don't march in knowing that we know, thinking that we know everything, um, because every situation is a little bit different and those that have struggled with a history of infertility, it's going to be kind of a tender time for them, of course. So allow space for that and approach gently as you offer compassionate care for that and those of you who have had that experience, hopefully you can seek that compassionate support that you need compassionate support that you need and have your needs met and fulfilled as you shift in your journey to whatever needs your current situation may be providing for you. Thanks for being here.

Speaker 2:

My heart aches for those who experience these challenges. I had my own unique journey of about 11 years, with some challenges that way too, and the many emotions, the roller coaster of emotions you can feel surrounding that, as you see those around you having babies and getting pregnant and, despite your best efforts, that's not working out for you. So that's tough, that can be a long, hard road, and my heart goes out to you and hopefully you get that love and support that you need surrounding your experience. So be kind, be gentle to each other and to yourselves. So I want to wrap up tonight or sorry, it's daytime wherever you are, whenever you're listening to this, I just want to wrap up with my usual charge to please make a human connection, go out and make a difference in someone's day, be a positive impact for someone nearby or far away, so that we can all connect a little better as humans on this planet that we share together. Thanks for being with me on the Ordinary Doula podcast. This is Angie Rozier and I hope to see you again next time.

Speaker 1:

Thank you for listening to the Ordinary Doula podcast with Angie Rozier, hosted by Birth Learning. Episode credits will be in the show notes Tune in next time as we continue to explore the many aspects of giving birth.