The Ordinary Doula Podcast

E76: Baby #1 vs. Baby #2, 3, 4 Etc: The Evolution of Birth Expectations

• Angie Rosier • Episode 76

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We explore the contrasting needs and expectations of first-time parents versus experienced parents during the birth process, highlighting how support needs evolve with each birth experience.

• First-time parents have unique needs including education, emotional support, agency, and validation
• First-time parents often feel overwhelmed and need clear, compassionate explanations about the birth process
• Medical settings can make it difficult for first-time parents to advocate for themselves
• Experienced parents (multiparous) want their previous birth experiences acknowledged and respected
• Multiparous parents often have more decisive preferences based on past experiences
• Childcare logistics become a major consideration for parents having second or subsequent babies
• Statistics show 52% of Birth Learning doula clients are first-time parents, with numbers decreasing with each subsequent birth
• By third or fourth births, many parents have developed skills to advocate for themselves
• Experienced parents may face fear of known complications rather than fear of the unknown
• Continuous compassionate support benefits all birthing people regardless of how many births they've had

Please seek out a great doula in your area. It's a great team member to have on your side for a positive and empowering birth experience, whether it's your first or eleventh baby.


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Show Credits

Host: Angie Rosier
Music: Michael Hicks
Photographer: Toni Walker
Episode Artwork: Nick Greenwood
Producer: Gillian Rosier Frampton
Voiceover: Ryan Parker

Speaker 1:

Welcome to the Ordinary Doula Podcast with Angie Rozier, hosted by Birth Learning, where we help prepare folks for labor and birth with expertise coming from 20 years of experience in a busy doula practice, helping thousands of people prepare for labor, providing essential knowledge and tools for positive and empowering birth experiences.

Speaker 2:

Hello and welcome to the Ordinary Deal podcast once again. Glad to have you here. My name is Angie Rozier and today we are going to be talking about what it is that people want from their birth experience. But we're going to narrow it down to two different groups. We're going to talk about first-time parents and then what we call multiparous, or parents having second, third, fourth, tenth children and kind of what it is they're looking for. So first-time parents are going to look at this through a little bit different lens, of course, than those who have been around the block before.

Speaker 2:

First-time parents have unique needs and priorities. A lot of times they desire information right, they're kind of a blank slate and they need that education. They want clear, compassionate explanation of what is happening leading up to the birth process. Maybe in those prenatal visits with their provider they're going to want to kind of know what's going on. They will have questions. A lot of those questions, because they're a first timer, may seem to the provider mundane, ridiculous and kind of get brushed off. I hear that all the time from people like, ah, they didn't really care, they said, yep, that's just part of pregnancy. But they do want validation of what they're feeling for this first time, whether emotional or physical. They do also want emotional support. They want reassurance and a continuous presence, kind of somebody they can turn to and talk to and ask questions to and get positive encouragement from. That's kind of key to have them having a good experience.

Speaker 2:

They're kind of entering the unknown right. This is uncharted territory. They don't know what to expect. Some of them go into it full of fear and terror. Others go into it and completely naive and excited. There's no wrong way to go into it. But going into it educated is going to be helpful. But calm guidance can matter a lot. They want to kind of know what's normal as they're going through the process. They also want informed consent and a sense of autonomy or agency.

Speaker 2:

They may be afraid of not knowing enough or of speaking up, having the voice to speak up If they're in a new setting. I don't know about you, but when I go to I don't know a doctor's appointment or a dentist appointment. I don't advocate for myself. I don't ask a ton of questions like hey, what are you doing and why are you doing it? Is this going to be good for me? Is there something else we could do for me? So in medical settings. A lot of times like that doesn't apply to all medical settings, but in the space of labor and birth it does apply. Understand, make sure you understand what's going on and be able to speak up and kind of have a voice.

Speaker 2:

They do appreciate first time. Parents appreciate when writers pause, just take a pause when they explain things, when they listen intently and sincerely to questions and take the time to answer questions, and then when consent is sought right, whenever anything is done, that they seek out consent from the patient. And then again that validation they want to feel heard. It might be validation about pain, might be validation about fear, it might be validation about excitement, and sincere validation is, of course, most important.

Speaker 2:

A lot of first time parents are going to feel overwhelmed with this new information or when something unexpected happens, they think you know, they just consider things are going to go a certain way, it's going to be great. And when there's a twist in the plot like wait, wait, what's what's going on? We hadn't anticipated this. Some first time parents feel pressure from family, from friends, from their family or community culture about how birth should go and it's hard like for anyone to force birth to go, how it should go right. There's a lot of factors involved, so it's nice to be informed, yet flexible, about how things should go. So those are again some needs of first time parents. Just to recap, real quick education, information, emotional support and reassurance agency or autonomy and informed consent. And then validation assurance agency or autonomy and informed consent, and then validation. Now, in my mind because this you know, as from my doula perspective I'm like boom, a doula can help meet all of those expectations and desires of first time parents. Great team member to have on your team is having that continuous compassionate support.

Speaker 2:

Okay, let's move on to what we call multiparous, or people having second, third, fourth. Multiparity is just more than one. Primiparous is having first baby and then multiparous is having any baby after that. So these people have been around the block before, right, like they know a little bit of what to expect. Maybe they had a great experience last time. Maybe they had a tough experience. Usually it was maybe a longer experience than they're going to have with a second or third or fourth baby. Not always, but these people kind of know more what to expect.

Speaker 2:

They don't go into this with a blank slate. They do have some experience here. So their needs and priorities are a little bit different. What they would like from those surrounding them is respect for their experience, their one, two, three, eight, whatever, however many birth experiences they've had. They often want their previous births to be acknowledged. They may want things done a little bit differently. A lot of times people make a small adjustment or a slight tweak in what they liked and what they wanted based on what they learned last time, and sometimes these learnings layer upon each other. They also want autonomy. They may be more decisive this time, but I definitely want this. I don't want that. They want some kind of efficiency as well, so which meaning they might review fewer interventions unless necessary. Maybe they had great experience with interventions last time, maybe they didn't, but they might want something a little bit different the second time or third time or fourth time.

Speaker 2:

They also another factor that we're looking at here, inevitably for most in this situation, is child care logistics. So often, you know, on second, third, fourth babies, we have these other factors called children, other babies, toddlers, whatever that might be. So when labor begins or when inductions happen, where are those other kids? When they're away from those other children for whatever period of time for care, whether that's their hospital time. Some people I was just at the hospital this last week and I think it was this couple's fifth baby and they just hung out at the hospital. So it was the mom, the dad and the brand new baby. They did not have their other four children come meet that baby at the hospital. They maximized their stay at the hospital because they said we know as soon as we, those other kids come into this experience, they'll be here forever. So they were kind of guarding and protecting their time just with one newborn rather than with all of their children. And that's how they chose to do it.

Speaker 2:

Where I have other people who you know, hour two, hour one they're going to bring in, they want to bring it as soon as they can. They want to involve other children and bring them all into the hospital in a hospital setting. Some of them will have those other children as well come to the birth. So people just kind of approach this a little bit differently with their other children. So this you know, when you're in a long labor, who's taking care of these other kids for a long hospital stay few days ago and we had a patient who I think it was her seventh baby and she was super eager to get home. She's like I got to get home to my kids and her provider's like I think you I know what you're going home to. I think you should hang out a little longer, get yourself taken care of. Let us kind of pamper you a little bit.

Speaker 2:

Take care of you before it is you know, you go back to the responsibilities of all the kids, so could go a couple different ways. There are some unique challenges that experienced parents may face is having past trauma from previous births or past negative experiences. So that can bring a whole new kind of fear, not fear of the unknown but fear of the known, which is sometimes scarier. So they might be nervous about what had happened in their last birth and it's wonderful when the staff and those supporting them can again respect their experiences. They want those other experiences to be acknowledged. And also another thing is being dismissed Sometimes like ah, you've done this before, you don't need da-da-da whether that's the education, the support, but perhaps they do, they need that care. We'll find a lot of times busy parents. Who cares for busy parents? Who takes care of them? Who checks in on them? Hardly anyone, right. So this might be a little kind of a little place where they can be taking care of both the mom and the dad during this new, new experience. So that's you know, just a little bit to highlight the differences and needs and desires of people having their first baby versus people having second, third, fourth, you know, multiple deliveries. It's always an important event. It's an exciting experience for most, not for all, but it is one we want to approach uniquely, if we can, respectfully and providing a lot of support. Again, I'm going to, you know, go for that. Doula support Could be very helpful in both situations.

Speaker 2:

In our research we have found that most of our clients are first-time parents and then it kind of drops pretty good percentage. Actually, let me see if I can find the percentage of those. I just had them up. Um, the vast majority of our clients are first time parents 52%. Um 28% of our clients are having their second baby. 12% of our clients are having their third baby, 12% of our clients are having their third baby. Then it kind of just it cuts in half, actually almost in half, by every first, second, third, fourth, fifth. So 7% of our clients are having their fourth baby, 1% of clients having their fifth baby and less than one are having their sixth baby. So we have helped a few people with six deliveries. That's kind of rare and it doesn't show having their sixth baby. So we have helped a few people with six deliveries. That's kind of rare and it doesn't show up statistically very strong. But most of our clients are having their first baby and 52% then half that again at almost at 28 are having their second.

Speaker 2:

Some people in our research we found that after a first and second baby, if they went continued on to have other children, they were pretty solid in what they wanted and what they knew and the skills they had acquired by using doula support so they could advocate pretty well. They knew how to talk to the staff. They knew what comfort measures worked for them and what they liked. So that was part of the drop off, and a part of the drop off obviously is not. A lot of people have a lot of children, right. So a part of the drop-off obviously is not. A lot of people have a lot of children, right. So a lot of people don't have a third or fourth, fifth or sixth baby.

Speaker 2:

We have helped people with their 11th baby, not all 10 before that, but we have helped people with 11th babies and a few seventh and eighths and things like that, but by and large we are helping those primiparous parents, which is, in our minds, a great place to start, start at the beginning, right. So people get that positive and empowering birth experience before you know, right at the onset, before they ever get into having multiple pregnancies after that, and hopefully that can set their journey on a positive path, because we know when a pregnancy, labor and birth and postpartum goes well, that's going to impact the health outcomes physically and emotionally and cost outcomes too for the health of the entire family. So that's always our goal is that people have positive and encouraging, empowering birth experiences, whether it's their first or their 11th baby. They need to be supported in that and doulas help to provide that care. So seek out a great doula in your area. See what you can find and what support is available to you. It's a great team member of the team to have on your side.

Speaker 2:

This wraps it up for today. Thanks so much for being here with us on the Ordinary Doula Podcast. This is Angie Rozier, your host, and please reach out to someone today. Make a good connection. Tell someone you love them, tell someone. You appreciate them. Let them know that you care. It'll make a difference in your day and in theirs. Hope to see you next time. Have a great day.

Speaker 1:

Thank you for listening to the Ordinary Doula podcast with Angie Rozier, hosted by Birth Learning. Episode credits will be in the show notes Tune in next time as we continue to explore the many aspects of giving birth.