The Ordinary Doula Podcast

E96: Postpartum, For Real

• Angie Rosier • Episode 96

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We reset the cultural script on early postpartum, naming the gap between glossy images and real recovery and offering practical ways to rest, plan, and get help. Joy and struggle can sit side by side, and that truth makes room for healing, teamwork, and steady confidence.

• normalizing messy, exhausting early postpartum
• myth of the perfect new mother and why it hurts
• when birth plans change and grief shows up
• physical recovery needs and sleep deprivation
• feeding realities, cluster feeding, latch issues
• identity shifts, doubt, and mood fluctuations
• relationship communication and partner support
• newborn behavior explained in simple terms
• rest as a healing strategy, not a luxury
• practical planning for food, water, chores, help
• building a support circle and when to call professionals
• baby blues and postpartum mood disorders
• cocooning, slowing down, and realistic expectations

“Reach out and make a human connection. People are our most valuable assets. Don’t give them up. Hold on tight to those connections and make new ones when you can.”


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Show Credits

Host: Angie Rosier
Music: Michael Hicks
Photographer: Toni Walker
Episode Artwork: Nick Greenwood
Producer: Gillian Rosier Frampton
Voiceover: Ryan Parker

SPEAKER_01:

Welcome to the Ordinary Doula Podcast with Andy Rosier, hosted by Birth Learning, where we help prepare folks for labor and birth with expertise coming from 20 years of experience in a busy doula practice, helping thousands of people prepare for labor, providing essential knowledge and tools for positive and empowering birth experiences.

SPEAKER_00:

I am your host, Angie Rosier. Today we are going to be talking about something we've kind of mentioned before, but I want to, I guess a lot of this has come up in my work lately, so it's on my mind. And I want to talk about some of the challenges of early postpartum. So I've done some postpartum work lately. I've always kind of got that sprinkled into my work. And I just want to talk a little bit about those early, early days. I see it a lot in the hospitals that I work in as well. So we prepare so much for that one day or one hour or however long labor and delivery is. But the postpartum transition, that period, which is a longer piece of time, and it kind of just shakes us and reshapes us, it's what we are oftentimes least prepared for. So I want to talk about just normalizing the reality of that, the happiness during that time, the struggleness during that time, and how those two things can coexist. So we have this blissful, like this blissful image of new motherhood, right? There's it's kind of this myth, but we see it um you can see a picture in your mind. A mom has a new baby, and that baby's just perfect and doing everything right, and the mom is well rested and she's happy, and her support team is all just being perfect for her, and feedings are going well. She's um she's just living her best life and totally loving this new having a new baby around. So that's kind of what we expect, right? We expect soft snuggles and bonding. Um, I was actually teaching a uh breastfeeding class a couple weeks ago in a hospital, and the picture in our manual was this woman with her hair done perfectly. She was wearing jeans, her makeup was on. I mean, it was obviously a photo shoot. She was sitting cross-legged on this white couch and just lovingly looking at her baby who was breastfeeding and everything like perfect. So even in a breastfeeding class, that's kind of the lens that we're showing people like this is how it should be. I think the real picture that people often find is there. None of that's true. Your hair's not done. You're not wearing makeup. Um, you're not sitting cross-legged in jeans on a white couch. Like you may be pretty, pretty frazzled, pretty harried, pretty tired. Um, that's kind of more what's real, like the discomfort, the exhaustion, kind of the emotional swings. Um, so social media gives us a picture of things. Um, we have this curated baby culture that has been around for generations, right? Of how sweet and special this time is. Um, and then there's this pressure to be grateful, right? Just to love this time um and be super grateful for having had a baby in the first place, for having a healthy baby, for no matter the mode of delivery, like we should just be grateful that the baby's here. Um, but there's a plenty of things to not be grateful for. I was at a birth this week, um, where it was a planned vaginal birth, as most of our clients do plan, and things went really well just for so long, and dilation happened pretty quickly, and we just never quite got to 10 centimeters. And over a period of hours, hours, hours, hours, like 10, um, worked and worked and worked to get to that point, didn't. And so this mom had a cesarean at the end of a lot of work. Not what she wanted, not what she planned, but it's kind of what she got. So there's silent struggles in that, right? And all of a sudden they hand you this baby and say, Awesome, be grateful. There's gonna be some processing for sure, right? So, kind of a key message is like you can love your baby and appreciate your experience and still be frustrated and be mad at your experience. And it can be hard, you can be having a hard time. That's totally okay and it's normal. And then we add physical recovery into this, right? A lot of times there's emotions going on for sure. Then there's physical recovery. It is legit, like it is no joke to recover from any kind of labor. So sleep deprivation is probably gonna be having its special effects on you as well. Your body will be healing um in pretty major ways. They're gonna have bleeding, there's gonna be pain. Um, if you had a cesarean, it'll be a different kind of pain, right? There's usually, usually stitches to be healing from some kind of swelling, right? Breast swelling or um genital swelling, like feet swelling, depending on how much fluid you got during labor and or um how much fluid retention you had towards the end of pregnancy. There's cramps. Um, this is all just kind of big and messy, and we gotta just own that and realize that. And then, of course, there are breastfeeding, feeding that baby demands, right? Um, however it is you're feeding that baby, whether it's breastfeeding or bottle feeding or a combination of those things, that is a regularly occurring event that is constant, it's nonstop. There's cluster feeding, there's latch challenges, engorgement, like um a lot of things can be going on where we don't have a picture of perfection, right? And sometimes our partners don't get a lot of that, which is also normal. So realizing we're not weak during this time, we're actually healing from one of the biggest physical events of our entire life. And at this time, sometimes we have some adding to the picture. Gosh, it feels like I'm painting a grim picture, but adding to the picture, um, there's some identity shifts sometimes. Like there's an emotional um component to this, right? And hormones definitely contribute to that. There can be tears and anxiety, feeling really vulnerable, feeling exposed. Um, there can be a loss of independence as you need help. Sometimes we have these super independent women who are just like charging ahead with their life, going 100 miles an hour for however long in their career. They're totally in control of everything, and then they have a baby, and that role change can happen where they need some assistance. It's hard to stand up sometimes, right? Taking a shower is a huge feat. And then there's these normal worries of am I doing this right? And and um, I saw I talked to a uh mom just recently, and she's a very successful person in her life, but she felt like she was doing nothing right with her baby or for her baby. Um, so there's some identity shifts there and emotional challenges, and then relationship growth challenges, right? I recently did some postpartum work um pretty extensively for a couple. I was their birth tool as well, and they um needed some postpartum work afterwards, so I got to spend a few nights with them. And they were pretty unique and pretty awesome, or it was fun to watch them navigate and figure out the first few weeks of having a baby around in their relationship and their communication that they had with each other because as we spend time in people's homes, we get to see a lot of that. Um, and they had did a lot of work in their relationship early on, they continue to do work. They even now in postpartum individually, and you know, they're probably week six or seven postpartum now. They've both been to see their therapist and they've gone together to therapy, which they've been working on for a long time. And gosh, can you tell? Like their um their efforts are really paying off. So as they communicate with each other during this period of time, it's very um respectful and very um cautious and compassionate towards one another, which is awesome. You don't always see that for sure, and that's normal too. So it's normal to feel like you're learning this whole new version of yourself or your relationship or your role as a parent because you are you're learning a new self at this time for sure. And then we've got this new human, right? The little baby adjustments that, well, big adjustments we're making with a little baby. Um, babies are new at being earth side, like they have not lived this life before either, and their cadence and figuring their body out. If you can imagine what it's like for them to digest things for the, you know, in their early days when that's a new process for them, and the process of eliminating things like gosh, have you ever seen a baby's face when they poop? Like they kind of wonder what's going on inside of them as well. So babies are new at this too, they're learning to eat, learning to eat efficiently. Um, and some of their normal behaviors feel really hard, especially in the middle of the night. So grunting, crying, squirming, like it seems like they eat nonstop. Um, they like to be held. Of course, they love a warm body. Their days and nights are flipped at a time when you're super tired. Um, so caregivers, parents aren't like failing if this stuff is happening, they're just responding um to this situation. Okay, you are your baby's entire world, and they're learning you, and you are learning them. So, some tough stuff. We, you know, all of that is some tough stuff. So let's talk about keeping things pretty real, um, some practical applications. This isn't like the picture of perfection that we might see um that our social lens gives us about um being a new parent and having a new baby, but using rest as a healing strategy. This can be emotional rest, this can be physical rest, this can be social rest. Um, but using rest as a healing strategy, not not a luxury, but an essential strategy um to the process. So whether you have to get creative with rest, um whether you're using your inner circle for that, whether you hire a postpartum doula for that, but make sure that mom gets rest. It might be have to be during the day sometimes, it might be in snippets at night. Um, but that's going to be an important priority is rest. Um, and really taking seriously that laying low kind of. I saw a mom this week for a lactation visit in her home, and she was feeling so good not being pregnant, and went on a pretty good walk. It was a beautiful fall day. She was feeling amazing emotionally, and she said, you know what? We got about a block away from home. And I'm like, you know what? I think I need to turn around. Um, so they did. They turned around. She was like, I couldn't walk as far as I thought I could or that I knew I wanted to. So um kind of taking things slow, going easy into things, and then lowering household expectations just for a while. Now, sometimes, depending on our postpartum mood, um, sometimes there's postpartum mood challenges that make this incredibly difficult, and we need to address those household household expectations with support from others sometimes, but lowering those expectations, knowing that you know what, we're gonna let the that laundry lie for a while. Um, those floors are not gonna get um mopped or swept or whatever um this week. Um so kind of letting go of some of that or just lowering them, not letting them go, and knowing that that's temporary, we can come back to those things. And then focusing on some simple things like hydration and nutrition. I've also spoken to many new moms where I get to their house at if I'm doing a daytime postpartum shift, and it might be 10, 11 o'clock, and mom has not even eaten a single thing that day. She's forgotten, she's busy, she's just go-go-going. So having simple nutrition and planning ahead sometimes, planning ahead or having someone think about this with you and for you. Um, the things you can grab quickly and having hydration always nearby. That might include your favorite addition to water, it might include coconut water, um, some kind of energy drink. Okay, not energy drink. I mean like electrolyte drink could be helpful. Um, and then postpartum planning before it happens. So just a brief mention to this, like during pregnancy, because remember, we plan so much for that labor and delivery time. Also plan for the postpartum time. Who's your community? Who's your inner circle? Who can help you? There are professionals, right? There are doulas, there's postpartum doulas, there's lactation consultants, there are support groups, there's mental health care professionals, there's inner community, there's parents, there's friends, there's neighbors, there's sisters, relatives, there's partners for sure. And partners, gosh, we could do a whole other episode on their own support system at this time, too. So call out those members that you need in your inner and outer professional circle to help with this. Getting support is not a sign of failure. It is the kind of the most loving thing you can do for you and your baby. And this will help propel you into a more independent, more um satisfying time of parenthood as you get the proper support to get there. And how do you know when to reach out for that extra support? You can plan for it ahead of time. Some people do, some people get their postpartum dual aligned up, um, their lactation consultants. Sometimes I meet with people prenatally for lactation. That's a great visit to have too. And so we kind of have a plan, a customized plan. They have someone they can reach out to in the middle of the night or before that middle of the night, you know, day two challenges, we call them second night challenges. Um, plan ahead is one. And kind of normalize getting help. Like it's okay, right? Baby blues can be kind of common for people. Um, we've got baby blues, many people experience that. Postpartum mood disorders come in a variety of a lot of tears of severity almost. Um, and this is when emotions might feel big and scary. So persistent sadness or anxiety. There might be um an element of rage or intrusive thoughts with that, lack of connection with the baby. These can be very normal, uh normal. So want to normalize that, and reaching out for support emotional for emotional needs. That could be contacting your provider, your midwife, your obstetrician, um, your therapist if you have when there are support lines for this. So reaching out, maybe it's and also a friend having someone that you can call. So you deserve, absolutely deserve to feel supported through this time. And there is help out there. A lot of people don't realize that, but there is help out there. Sometimes this fades, sometimes it does not, and people need to kind of be aware of that. So kind of I want to uh reiterate that the postpartum time is challenging and that is normal. So I want to encourage those of you who are in it or planning for it to talk about it with each other, talk about it with friends, with family. You don't have to talk very far into your inner circles to find out other people have had challenges with this time as well. Um, so having some quick support, someone you know you can reach out to, plan ahead a little bit, which would help you know that you're not alone, you're not failing, you're just learning, you're doing something hard. Um, and this transition does take time. So hopefully you can do a little bit of planning ahead and have realistic expectations leading into this postpartum time. Um, just today I was helping someone in the hospital, so she's like, maybe 12 hours postpartum, had an awesome vaginal delivery, like, you know, maybe she had a few stitches, nothing big. She was just shifting on her bed to be able to feed her baby. And that move, that shift on her bed kind of froze her. And she's like, whoa, whoa, whoa, whoa, whoa, and um was kind of like falling towards the edge of the bed. I was holding the baby, and so she reached out to her partner, she's like, Hey, hey, can you help me? Um, and this partner is probably not used to helping her sit up, you know. Um, but this partner was super attentive and helped her just shift in her bed so that she could get to where she wanted to be. Um, so partners need to have realistic expectations as well, right? And kind of up their support for a period of time. This beautiful, wonderful, intelligent, um, independent woman that they may have known, maybe they're, you know, maybe that wasn't their MO, but that person is gonna need a little bit of help for a little while. Every person does, every single person does. And we get back to that independence, we get back to that strength and power that you live your life with, with a whole new level of amazingness after um you go through this period. So plan for the postpartum, be real about it. Um, hopefully that can help make it more positive, just knowing that it will will be real and and consider things like meals, household chores, um, infant care, other child care, running errands. Like there's a lot of things to consider. And um, some people like, yeah, we got time off work. That's it, that's our plan. And sometimes we want to go a little bit deeper into that and know who you can reach out to because it can be a pretty awesome time. It really can. Um, there's challenges to it, yes, but it also can be a pretty tender time as you're getting to know this new person. And I love the time because it's very rarely in our life can we really dial back, legit like go from 60 miles an hour on everything to like five miles an hour on most life things to cocoon yourself. Like, there's no other time in your life where you can hit the brakes like that, where you should hit the brakes like that. You need to hit the brakes and just be in that soft, quiet time of life, which has its own challenges. So please take that time. You deserve it. Be good to yourself, reach out for support when you need it, and help that postpartum period be better than it could be otherwise. Like know the real chance challenges of it and help it be as good as you possibly can. I wish you the very best in your postpartum period. Um and in a different, you know, it lasts different lengths for different people. Some people bounce back pretty quick, others take time. Time is normal. Um, give it the time that it needs. You deserve that, and so does your family. Um, thank you so much for being with us here today. I want to just end this episode as I do with every episode, encouraging you to reach out and make a human connection. Human connections are so important. People are our most valuable assets, um, and it's a tragedy to not um have those connections. Don't give them up. Hold on tight to those connections and make new ones when you can. Hope you have a good one. This is Angie Rosier signing off from the Ordinary Doula Podcast. Hope to see you next time.

SPEAKER_01:

Episode credits will be in the show notes. And next time, as we continue to explore the many aspects of giving birth.