Tranquil Topics

Sober Strength: Finding Purpose Beyond Addiction with Sue Tickle

• Stephanie Graham • Season 1 • Episode 19

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When Sue Tickle hit rock bottom after two years of excessive drinking following her father's death, she never imagined that moment would become the foundation for her life's purpose. Today, six and a half years sober, Sue leads multiple communities dedicated to helping others find strength, sobriety, and wellness.

In this deeply personal conversation, Sue opens her heart about the darkest period of her life. The turning point? A confrontation with her mother that became the catalyst for total transformation. Sue's refreshingly honest account of her journey shows that sobriety isn't just about what you give up – it's about what you gain.

As a sober coach, Sue has developed a unique approach centered on community support and mindset transformation. Her "shoulder to shoulder" philosophy creates spaces where people never have to feel alone in their struggles. Through WhatsApp groups, Facebook communities, and her Sober Space podcast, Sue provides tools for sustainable change while busting the myth that sober life is boring.

Beyond sobriety, Sue shares how she expanded into holistic wellbeing through Revive Wellbeing, offering experiences like sound therapy, cold water immersion, and forest bathing. These nature-based practices complement the sobriety journey while being accessible to anyone seeking greater wellness and peace.

Whether you're questioning your relationship with alcohol, supporting someone who is, or simply interested in personal transformation, Sue's wisdom on recognising warning signs, handling peer pressure, and finding purpose after addiction provides invaluable insights for your own journey.

Connect with Sue using the links below to discover how her compassionate, community-based approach might be the support you or someone you love needs to take the next step toward positive change.

Sue Tickle Linktree

Sober Space with Sue Tickle Facebook Group

Sober Space with Sue Tickle Instagram

Revive Wellbeing - Wellbeing sessions in person in Manchester and surrounding areas. Soundbaths, reiki, cold water dipping, mindfulness and forest bathing.

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Steph:

Hello, welcome back to Tranquil Topics. I'm your host, Steph, and today we have a truly remarkable guest with us. Her name is Sue Tickle, and Sue leads a motivational group for women, helping them find their inner strength and achieve their goals. She has been sober for over six years now, turning her life around in ways that inspire everybody. As a fellow podcaster and speaker at various events, Sue shares her insights on wellbeing, motivation and the power of sobriety. Join us as we explore Sue's incredible journey, her tips for wellbeing and her advice for anyone looking to make positive changes in their life. I'm so grateful to have her with us today; Sue, welcome to the podcast.

Sue:

Oh, Steph, thank you so much. I do love that introduction because it makes me sound miles better than I actually am, so if you can just follow me around and be my PR person, that'd be amazing. Thank you so much for inviting me along, and it's been a pleasure to finally meet you.

Steph:

Thank you, it has. It's been a long time coming, super long time coming. I've been wanting to speak to you for ages, but we finally got it in the diary, didn't we? And it's happening so woo!

Sue:

Oh yeah. Yeah, I am super, super excited and I love your podcast. Do you know what I'm really impressed with? How posh you sound and I think, as a fellow, as a fellow podcaster, mine's incredibly common sounding and your voice is lovely.

Steph:

Do you know that's the most common feedback I get on my podcast. I'm like so what do you think about podcast? And I'll get I fell asleep because your voice is so relaxing. I'm like oh, thank you.

Sue:

Yeah, thank you, I think, but I didn't mean to bore you to sleep, but no, you actually have got a really mesmerising voice, and so, yeah, I think that's something that I'd take as an asset really.

Steph:

Thanks, Sue. So let's get into it because I need to share you with the world. So I know we've been chatting, for the listeners we've been chatting for about an hour and a half before we've actually clicked record, so we decided we should probably click the button now.

Sue:

We did actually say we'd have been better starting it at the beginning and then just chucking some editing through, because we have talked about everything, haven't we this evening?

Steph:

Yeah, we should have. I mean, if we have to go over it again, I'm down so we'll see.

Sue:

We'll have a part two. We've not even finished part one, but let's already arrange a part two.

Steph:

Sounds good. So, Sue, for the listeners, can you please tell us a little bit about yourself and what you do?

Sue:

Okay, it's now thinking where to start. So I'm Sue Tickle. I am 50 years young, I was 50 a couple of weeks ago. I am a mum to two boys boys, I think they're 25 and 27, I'm not quite sure, but they're grown up boys.

Sue:

I work full time for the NHS as a senior manager. I do have a really responsible job that I love. I love working for the NHS. I feel really passionate about it. But a little bit more about me is I also feel very passionate about motivating and empowering and coaching people, mainly women, but I do also have a couple of male members of my coaching group that I have.

Sue:

So I do coaching, sober coaching, life coaching, things like that. I feel really passionate about that. But then I also do well-being events where I do sound therapy, cold water dipping and things like that. So I tend to wear three hats with my passions in life. And yeah, as you mentioned in the intro, I am six and a half years sober and I feel that in this last few months this has been kind of a long time coming. So over the six years that I've been sober, I've been adding all these other things to my offerings, if you like, and all the wellbeing stuff and I've been getting into, you know, helping people and one thing or another, and I feel now like that I've probably found my purpose in life and that's what lights me up and that's what I feel really passionate about. So hopefully those are things that we're going to talk about today.

Steph:

Yeah, I love that. I love that you found your purpose. That's so great.

Sue:

I mean, it's taken me 50 years, but you've got there.

Steph:

So can we talk about your sober coaching first?

Sue:

Yeah.

Steph:

A re you able to give us an insight into your story of how you were? I know you've been six years plus sober now, but how did it begin for you? How did you start running your sober coaching, and can we have like a before and after insight?

Sue:

Yeah, so when you say before and after, do you mean when I was drinking a bit and before I went sober?

Steph:

Yes.

Sue:

Yeah. So, um, my life before sobriety was, um, it was, it was a good life, but I was very quickly hurtling towards a rock bottom. So, you know, there was lots of good times, lots of celebrations, lots of drinking, lots of partying and things like that. I was drinking quite heavily for about seven or eight years and then my dad passed away and then so, basically for two years, I pressed the button that we press when we've had enough of things, and so daily I was sinking quite a few bottles of wine. Um, I say daily, it wasn't during the day, it was of an evening, but it was every single evening. Uh, for two years.

Sue:

So I'd had seven years of of drinking and having a great time, um, and then I had two years of of mourning through wine, and that turned into quite a dark place and what was happening was I had no self-worth. I felt like I was walking through treacle every day. I did actually feel like at some point, I would have lost my job, because I actually hadn't been in it for very long and I was struggling to actually function and do the job that I'd been brought in to do. I was falling out with my partner, my kids, my family. I was posting stuff on Facebook and then being filled with shame the next day because I'd have no idea I was having complete blackouts, and this was every day for two years.

Sue:

Um, and when I tell this story, people people that know me kind of say I can't imagine you ever being that bad. Um, you know, if they didn't know me then, um, but I was. And then one day I always add this little bit to my story because it does make some people chuckle. But, you know, it's sad that I reached that stage. Uh, but my mum shouted at me um, my mum told me, um, she, she was telling me that I'd made a bit of a fool of myself at my sister's hen party and she, out of frustration, uh, told me that I was turning into my dad.

Sue:

Um, and because we, we were having words, you know, and she was really, really worried about me and I think she wanted to deliver a short, sharp shock. Uh, my mum absolutely adores me and puts me up on this pedestal, by the way. So this was really unusual for my mum to say that, but clearly she was in such a place where she thought I need to do something to make her realise how bad she is, and that happened and I sat and cried for a couple of days and I never drank since. So I do kind of laugh and poke fun at the fact that I ended up going sober because my mum shouted at me, but actually what she did do was save my life.

Steph:

Wow.

Sue:

So, yeah, um, so that's my uh before and after.

Sue:

Um, I've never looked back. I only to look how far I've come. You know, there's no point having all of that shame or all of that guilt, or how could I have got to that stage? You know, I got to the stage because I was going through grief and alcohol had absolutely consumed me and that was my coping mechanism. So I just wanted to look forward.

Sue:

Um, I started a, a blog straight away. I told everybody, I knew I was telling all my running friends, all my close friends, and people genuinely hadn't realized how much I was drinking. And because I was drinking at home with an evening and then sloping off to bed, if I made it to bed, people didn't, other than my partner and my kids, people generally didn't realise how much I was drinking. So, yeah, that's how bad I was. And then, obviously, I.

Sue:

What I will say at this point is I don't generally condone people just stopping. For the volume that I was drinking to just stop. It was pretty dangerous. You know, I always tell people to see the GP, seek advice, seek sobriety groups, cut down whatever it takes to do it safely. You know, there's even medication now to go sober. I was very, very lucky to be able to stop and not make myself poorly and I think if I had made myself poorly I probably would have been on and off the sober train. But I think because I rapidly realised that I either needed to stop drinking or I wasn't going to be around anymore and I started to feel the benefits really quite quickly. I never looked back and I just kept taking all of the wins, feeling better and better by the day, sharing my story with whoever would listen. I inspired people. I became a mentor in sober groups. I helped as many people as I could to get sober, probably from being about six months sober. So for about six years I have been coaching, helping, supporting, mentoring people to do this and I think that's where the coaching kind of came from.

Sue:

Um, so, fast forward to about 12 months ago, um, I started doing, uh, empowering women, life coaching, uh and encouraging women through change in the life, uh, and whilst I love that and I still do that, um, I found my niche was doing that for sober, for people who wanted to be sober.

Sue:

So my coach, my life coaching, kind of turned into sober life coaching, essentially. So I have been doing some private little groups. I have 12 people per month who come and sit with me and we do coaching every single day in whatsapp. When I say sit with me, I mean sit, sit with me in the group, um, and we do that via whatsapp and they have that every single day. And for the people who joined me five months ago on that journey, they're still sober and they they weren't sober before they joined me or they were struggling getting on and off again, um, so I actually take that as a massive win and I think that's what's made me realize that this is my purpose to help people like that and it just it's so rewarding. I'm making a difference to people's lives.

Steph:

Amazing, I love that. I love that so much. So how do you approach coaching individuals who are struggling with addiction or seeking sobriety?

Sue:

I think it's about changing people's mindset. I mean, don't get me wrong, there are people who are heavily alcohol dependent or alcoholics, who will more than likely need rehab or medical intervention. And so if I felt that somebody needed that and that I couldn't help them with mindset coaching, I absolutely would say, oh, actually, you know, maybe maybe speak to your GP and maybe consider these other options. Um, but for me, for those people who were similar to me or less dependent than me, I feel like I've got a real affinity to people like that, where I think I did it and I've got a great life and I live life to the full now and I can help you to do that. I find that just by changing their mindset, so giving them self-belief, you know, and I do that by inspiring them with my story. So if I can tell somebody how I went from here to here and they are inspired by that, well, come along for the ride and let's do it for you too. And it's with positivity, motivation, giving them self-belief, that they can do this, they are capable of doing this. Um, in most cases, you know, like I say, other people, some people do need extra help, um, but with mindset changes and giving people self-belief and giving them the tools to be able to do it. It's incredible and it's really, really powerful. I do a lot of mindfulness in the coaching, so we do a lot of meditation, a lot of journaling. It's a really positive and mindful way of going sober and I think because they are doing the work, I used to hate that when people say, oh, to go sober you have to do the work, and I used to think it was so cliche, but now I probably say those words multiple times a day. It is true, you know you can't just put the glass down and expect miracles. You've got to find out about yourself. You've got to find out what makes you tick. You've got to find out what's going to keep you sober. You've got to find out your why. Why are you doing this? And that's got to be at the forefront of your mind. You're either doing it for your kids, your family, yourself, to keep your job, for your sanity. Whatever your why is, you know that's what drives that person to get and stay sober.

Steph:

Yeah, I mean you knew that your why was dealing with grief, right? So when your mum was the catalyst for your change, I guess were there challenges that you faced before that happened in terms of trying to maintain sobriety?

Sue:

So do you mean, did I try and go sober before, before my mum shouted at me.

Steph:

Yeah.

Sue:

U m. So actually I'm gonna say that for those two years since my dad died, right, um, I'm gonna say about three months after he passed away I thought, oh, this is getting a bit too ramped up in terms of the volume of alcohol that I was drinking, the fact that I needed it to be able to sleep. I needed it to be able to, I wouldn't say to stop crying, because I think I just cried more. The more wine I had, the more I cried.

Sue:

So it was quite a quick realization after my dad passed away that I knew I was relying too much on alcohol. So the rest of those two years, I kept telling myself at night can't keep doing this. When you wake up in the morning, you're going to have to stop drinking. So when I say to people that I only had one day one because I went sober and that was it, it's a little bit inaccurate that because for almost two years in my head I had the next day was day one. I just never completed that day one.

Sue:

So I for, let's call it 18 months, um, or more than that. Those days I knew I needed to stop and I didn't. I read books, I followed people, I tried to be inspired, but it was actually the day that my mum said those words that, you know, made me think well, I'm going to end up like my dad, if you know, if I don't do something about it. So there was quite a period of time where I knew I had to stop drinking. I just couldn't do it, so that my my attempting to stop was doing the work in the background, so listening to podcasts, reading quickly and thinking about stopping, but I just hadn't physically stopped.

Steph:

I see, thank you for sharing that. So, in terms of your sober coaching, are you able to just highlight the importance of community and having support networks in achieving sobriety and maintaining it as well? Because it's not just like you say, it's not just a case of well, I just stopped. It's an ongoing journey, isn't it?

Sue:

So I hear quite a lot that people say, oh, it's different when you've got a group of people around. You know you've got people to bounce off. You've got people to share ideas with. You've got people to share their tools. If you forgot what your tools are, they can share their stories and their inspiration.

Sue:

The the way that I badge the sober coaching, and it's done in a whatsapp group and I'll say we're all stood shoulder to shoulder, we're all going sober together and you're never, ever gonna have anybody move from the side of you. We're holding everybody up and we're all kind of taking on this challenge together and nobody out of those 12 people ever feel alone, um, because we're all there and supporting each other. So, yes, I'm the coach and I do have a couple of helpers. I have some really valuable helpers in my coaching group, but also those people are supporting each other as well. So, essentially, you've got 12 members, you've got me as a coach and two helpers, so that's 12, 13, 14's 15 of us as an army. That is keeping that person sober, um, so I think it's absolutely vital. I also say to people I've been a member and still am, uh, members of lots of sober groups. Don't just pick one, you know, uh, maybe pick one that aligns with your values more than others, but have all these sober groups and all your tools and have people that you can lean on.

Sue:

Community is vital. I would say it's probably one of the most vital things to stay ing sober. I have never tried to do anything alone, would never encourage anybody to do anything alone, because you can fall off the wagon, because you can make excuses, you've nobody to answer to, you've nobody to be accountable to, you've nobody that you're letting down because and actually, who will know if you have a bottle of wine, whereas when you're in a group of people, people, people do generally know, and and if they don't generally know, you do find people confessing that they've you know, they've kind of slipped up or whatever, and people will come along and scoop you up, pick you up shoulder to shoulder and off we go again. And that's what I think. That's the way that I see community. You're not going sober on your own. You've got all those people around you going sober with you.

Steph:

It sounds like such a supportive environment that you've managed to create there because you want to have that safe space, don't you? If you're going through something, to have that safe space of people that can relate as well and understand and have maybe even been like in the exact same situation, like in terms of life things as well, life events like we've both lost our dads, for example.

Sue:

Yeah.

Steph:

I t's, it's such a nice, like I love that for you, that you've managed to create that.

Sue:

Yeah, and one one thing that I will say is you know, I'm not going to sit here and just blow smoke up my own backside and claim that I've done anything different to anybody else. The sober community as a whole is is generally like this, you know, because we know how dark that dark place is we've all been through hell and back really and so there's a lot of sober groups, sober communities, who are doing absolutely amazing things for people and saving people's lives, you know, and so it's not just me over here doing a great job, and everybody else is, it's the community as a whole. It's really really supportive. Obviously, you're going to get some that are a little bit competitive and a little bit non-supportive, but it's a little bit like everything, isn't it in life? Um, but there are a lot of good people in the sober world who are willing to step outside of even a group and just go and put their arm around somebody and say, come on, come with me, I've got, I've got somebody that can help you. Or you know, we, we can do this together. Or let's go and have a chat.

Sue:

And I don't feel really that anybody should have to go through sobriety alone and I feel really, really passionate about that. I think for me and for the hundreds and hundreds of people that I know on those sober journeys and I've met a lot of sober people in a lot of sober groups the main thing that helps people is that community and the group ethos.

Steph:

So I've just thought of something that I want to ask you, but I don't know if I'm making it generalized and it you know it shouldn't be so forgive me, but if someone's listening and they can relate to what you're talking about and your story, are you able to maybe highlight some of the earlier warning signs, like looking back in hindsight of your experience of maybe things to look out for before you end up going down this like dark rabbit hole? is that possible?

Sue:

Yeah, absolutely, and and I shouldn't laugh about this, but one of the funniest things about this is one of the early warning signs is if you were ever in a situation where you're googling, do I drink too much? You, I may as well save you the, the few seconds that it takes to google it, because if you are having to google do I have a drink problem or do I drink too much, then yes, the answer is yes. Um, so that's one of the early warning signs, and we were kind of having a joke about that earlier this week. You know that you should have realised that was a sign when you were just about to Google that and a lot of people do I Googled it. I would say, if you are becoming overly reliant, if the first thing that you're thinking about on your way home from work is I must go and buy a bottle of wine, uh, what if I need more than one bottle? Um, how will I get out for the second bottle? So I may as well buy a second bottle.

Sue:

Those are kind of warning signs really. You know that that is, by anyone's standard, clearly too too much to be drinking, certainly in an evening. Um, you know, if you can't go out without drinking alcohol, if you can't be around somebody without drinking alcohol, so if you're using it for dutch courage, um, then that is a another warning sign if you can't get through the day without drinking, if, if you drink early in the day is is a massive kind of sign. But yeah, it's just things like like that really. Um, sometimes, though you know, like I would say, certainly almost for me was it can be a little bit too late. I feel as though I'd gone too far and, like I said, I'm very lucky to be here right now and I don't ever forget that. If that conversation had taken place another six months down the line, I had a different outcome, because I would have ended up going to rehab. That was how, kind of in my mindset, I thought I'm gonna have to research going to rehab before my mum spoke to me. So I was already kind of hurtling at pace towards that. Um, I might, I feel as though I might not have answered your question there.

Steph:

No it's great, but I think you've covered it really well actually in terms of the because they can be subtle as well signs I'm not just talking about like I'm drinking, but like just in life. Anything you're dealing with. It can start off subtly and then it just snowballs, doesn't it? So I think if we can highlight those little signs that you know, if someone can relate to this podcast, then if you can highlight it in the beginning you can get help earlier on, before it does the snowball effect.

Sue:

Yeah, and you know, we've got the age old. You know, if you feel something in your gut isn't right, then you should usually listen to that. I absolutely felt, had a gut feeling that I shouldn't be drinking the volume that I was. So that's another kind of telltale sign.

Sue:

Another thing that I would say and this might not necessarily relate to your question, but it's one of the most challenging things that I find, or I find that people have the biggest challenge with is other people's opinions, and, and what I mean by that is, um, if you are influenced by other people to drink, we can't come on that night out and drive. Oh, don't be boring, don't come on this weekend away and not drink. Um, if you find your swayed in that kind of direction and you go, oh, all right, then I'll, I'll get public transport and I'll drink with you. Um, that's an early one. That's a bit of a sign as well, you know, and that is one of the things. So I know you haven't asked me this question, but that is one of the things that people struggle with the most is other people's peer pressure to make them drink.

Sue:

I do have people in my 12 people who have friends, who frequently try and make them drink um, and I have to sit there and kind of you know, want to say you might need some different friends. Or you might need to tell them in very firm words you do you and I'll do me. You stay in your lane and I'll stay in mine. You know what? How, how dare anybody try and make you drink um? However, when I'd have been, you know, heavily drinking, I'd have probably tried to encourage somebody off the street to come and join me with a bottle of wine. But that's what people struggle with the most. So if there was a another little message that I could give to anybody that might be able to relate if you have got somebody close to you that is trying to stop drinking, don't kind of push them into drinking um, because they're gonna have that internal battle and that struggle, um, and that might be the difference between them getting sober and not. You know that's an extra little lesson.

Sue:

You didn't even ask me a question about that.

Steph:

The question came to us.

Steph:

Honestly, that's huge, because I can relate to that. I've never, well, I haven't been a big drinker at all in my life. I get I actually get heart palpitations if I have alcohol so that's like a main reason. It's like I just don't like the, the flutter, feeling like I might have a drink, I don't know, it's very rare, but I have encountered that as well.

Steph:

People asking well why aren't you drinking? Well, no, you don't have to drive. You can get a taxi. I'm like well, I want to drive because I want to be able to leave when I want, because I know you're just going to carry on and I don't want to be a part of it. I agree with you when sometimes you have to look at your circle of people and decide are these people's values aligning with mine or are they going to stop me from bettering my life and hold me back essentially?

Sue:

Y eah, I think, um, I know we were talking before about, you know, values and and our life and and how. For me, only kind of in this last year or so have I found my purpose in life and I've done all this self-development and all of that kind of stuff. Um, when I was your age, make it sound like there's a million years between us. I wasn't this clued up, so those words that you've just said were really really very wise and probably only some of the things that I've thought about in the last six months. So it it filled me with joy actually that you just said those words, because I thought, oh, I wish I'd have known that life lesson 20 years younger. Do you know what I mean? Um, so, yeah, you're right, I think if, if people's values don't align with yours, then you've got the choice to do something about it. But when I was in my 30s, I wouldn't have even given that a thought, you know. So all of these life lessons coming out in this podcast.

Steph:

I think as well. Just just to continue that a little bit. I've um, I've seen it happen where people will be like why aren't you having a drink and you know that person could be on medication that means they can't have a drink, they might be pregnant, they might just not want to, not want to have a drink like it's nobody else's business as to why somebody doesn't want a drink and I think nowadays, like I've been on the other end of that, as well as being questioned like why are you only having a coke? I'm like it is absolutely nothing to do with you what I drink and it makes me fume, like I feel myself getting worked up about it. It's not on. It's not on.

Sue:

No, it's not, Because also it's a way of controlling somebody and bullying them into a situation r eally, and just because I've sat in the sober sphere for so long, what does become evident is actually because a lot of people experience that that we're talking about now. It does become quite evident, through all of these conversations and all this coaching and mentoring and things like that, that actually in a lot of cases it's because the person who is putting that pressure on you has usually got a little bit of a problem and they want somebody to join them in drowning in wine and whatever. Or they just don't want somebody who's not drinking sat there, making them feel uncomfortable. But that's a them thing.

Sue:

So the person that's drinking is clearly feeling uncomfortable sat with somebody so stone cold, sober and I find and I'm a bit hypocritical here because I will have done it when I was drinking, but you know, when you're out with big drinkers and they tell you the same story three times, I roll my eyes now and I get to like two and a half times and I'm like I'm out of there because my car's outside and I'm going.

Sue:

But I will have been that person six and a half years ago. I'll have told you the same story 10 times and not even realized. But you know now I think well, I've got a choice to do something about it and leave and remove myself from the situation. But the person that's drinking will just not like. They'll just feel awkward, sat with somebody stone cold, sober, because they'll feel judged, or they'll feel that they can't let themselves go enough, or they'll feel well, if I'm getting absolutely hammered, I don't want you to be getting hammered too, and it's a way of controlling somebody else, isn't it? We're all our own individual self and we should be able to choose whether we drink or not.

Steph:

Absolutely.

Sue:

So yeah, I'm getting. I'm animated now.

Steph:

We'll finish this episode really angry. Put the world to right, so let's talk about your coaching side of it. So do you integrate your life coaching principles into your sober coaching?

Sue:

Yeah, so, um, so it's all about making changes, making positive, positive changes by using motivation and positivity, and it's about changing people's mindset. So if, for instance, somebody came to me tomorrow and said, oh, I was just about to Google do I drink too much? I've heard your podcast. Can you help me? What we need to do is change that person's mindset from I can't do this. I can't go more than a night without a drink. I drink one or two bottles a night. Um, I feel like I wouldn't have a social life if I stopped drinking. Um, I don't know how I'd cope. I would have no confidence, I wouldn't be any fun. And what my job is essentially is to change that mindset and show people what they can and can't do, help them believe in themselves and help them to say that actually life isn't boring being sober, you know, and those principles of things, like if somebody came to me for life coaching and they wanted to be more confident, if they wanted to go and get a particular job, or if they wanted to, you know, be a little bit more assertive, or whatever, they would be the same principles to change from what they are now to what they want to be.

Sue:

And I usually do it in small, incremental stages, because not everybody likes change. So if you go to somebody and say you need to do this and do it overnight, you're going to make them anxious and they're not going to come back again, whereas if you say, oh, just have a little, think about this. What do you what? How does that make you feel? What do you know? What do we think about that? Could we do that? Could we go out for a walk, you know, in nature? Could you take up running? Could we do something that gives you those endorphins another way, rather than you sitting kind of drinking two bottles of wine of an evening? So it's about encouraging people to change, um, but in a way that they can cope, because, like I say, not everybody can cope with massive change all in one go.

Steph:

Yeah, I hate change. It's getting me.

Sue:

Do you know what? Yeah, yeah, we were talking about this earlier and you know, sometimes I love helping people through change. I'm not the best at it myself, but what I have started to realize recently is any change that I've had put upon me right, um, although I've kind of stomped my feet and and had a little paddy and thought, why is this happening to me? Very, very quickly I thought, oh, I know why this is happening to me, because it's a life lesson and actually it's clearing the path for something better, bigger, better and and more successful than where it was. Um, so that's happened a couple of times in recent years, uh, where I've had change put on me and not really liked it, and then quite quickly I thought, oh, this is, this is why that's happened, um, and gone with it, and I can clearly see now that that has been clearing the way for me.

Steph:

That's so interesting.

Steph:

I agree with you with that. I despise change. At the moment I'm like nope, even down to food, I know what I like. I'm just gonna order that. Leave me alone. I'm getting better with that. But on one of my earlier episodes I spoke about life's little nudges. I'm not sure if you've seen this YouTube chat. Um, it's by a lady called Jo Simpson and it's about 10-15 minutes long, and I listened to her YouTube chat and I was like I think it might have been a TED talk actually, a nd she really, really made me look at things in a different way because she was saying if you ignore these little signs that pop up in life and these gut feelings, if you ignore them, then sooner or later something big is going to come and if you ignore that, you're just going to get steamrolled and it will force your hand and you will have to change and make that change. But it would be more. possibly more painful, more traumatic than if you'd have just listened to it in the beginning when you got that little, not sure I'm happy here anymore, whatever situation.

Sue:

Yeah, and whilst I agree with that and I think that I feel I've got wiser as I've got older and I'm recognising things quite quickly, that may have took a couple of years to realise a lesson or realise that my life's better off than it was before, whereas now it seems to it can be from days to weeks to a couple of months and I'll kind of go oh, that's why that happened and it's fine, and I'm just moving on. Um, but yeah, so, so there's that element of it. But when you think of the example so say me going sober, maybe I was meant to ignore all of those signs to reach the rock bottom that I did, to have the journey that I have and to be able to help people. So I feel as though I could have listened to those signs because I was having the anxiety, the panic, the walking through treacle and all of that kind of stuff.

Sue:

There will have been signs for those 18 to 20 months that I should have stopped drinking and I clearly ignored them. But I have ignored them because, well, now I could look back and say, well, maybe I was meant to ignore them, to find myself in the pit of despair that I was to be able to then kind of use that as a springboard and change my life and other people's lives really, um, when you consider the, the line of work that I'm in, um, so I think, yeah, it's good to be able to pick up on those things earlier and kind of say, oh, I've got this gut feeling I should do something about it. But in some instances maybe were I feel as though maybe I was meant to reach that point that I did, to be able to do what I'm doing now.

Steph:

Yeah, and everyone's individual, aren't they and, like, I suppose it's situation dependent as well as to whether you would act on it as well, but I do think it's a good thing to think of, because I know when I've ignored my gut feelings it's always come back around and I'm like why didn't I just listen to it? So as a 360, I think it's good to be aware of it as well. But for you to have that experience, to be able to turn it around and then be able to help so many other people, that's incredible.

Sue:

Yeah, I mean, there's a lot of people in the sober world that say the words I wish I'd have stopped drinking earlier and and you know, part of me does think that because I could have been living a lot more of a fuller life earlier than perhaps waiting till to get to the pits of despair. But also I think that there was a definite lesson there for me, and I think I am the person that I am today and so successfully sober, touch wood. You know we should never get too complacent, but I feel that that's been my biggest success because I've reached the point that I had. It's a non-negotiable for me.

Sue:

People will say, oh, will you ever go back to drinking? No, because I wouldn't. I don't have an off switch, I probably wouldn't be here, and so I'm not going to risk it. I'm having too good of a time in this life to want to throw it away. I was throwing it away and I don't want to go back there.

Steph:

Can I ask you, Sue, are there any misconceptions about being sober or addiction that you've encountered?

Sue:

Well, so one about being sober is that it's boring, and you know, you've seen my Instagram, there's nothing boring about it. I do, you know I do live life to the full. I do think that a lot of sober people live life to the full. There are people who associate going sober with oh, I won't be able to go to the pub, I won't be able to go out with my mates, nobody will want to be around me, and all of those kinds of things. So, yeah, that's a misconception about sobriety, that it's boring.

Sue:

And a misconception about alcohol is that alcohol only kind of high up people that actually end up suffering with addiction, um, to alcohol. And I think when you think of an alcoholic, you do think of of somebody, um, who is perhaps homeless and and and in the gutter, so to speak, when actually there's an awful, awful lot of people who are highly functioning alcoholics. You know and I'm quite a senior manager in the NHS and I do know a lot of other people who are senior managers who have gone sober I think it's becoming more common actually that more NHS people are kind of coming to me for coaching and one thing or another. So there's a bit of a pattern and a trend there really, but you don't have to be somebody who's a down and out, if you like and I'm not being derogatory there, to have a problem with alcohol, and I do think that's a misconception.

Steph:

And in terms of your coaching sessions. So if somebody is listening now thinking I'd like to contact Sue, what can they expect from the moment of contact from you to their first coaching session, like if they've never gone down that road before? Can you enlighten us on what to expect?

Sue:

Yeah, I mean really, you know, I'd never really had a coach before. I do have one at work now for work coaching. So it's like, well, well, what does a coach even do? Is it just something that's like, you know, on your side, a bit of a cheerleader for you? But I think what they're doing there is they are there to deliver prompts. They're there to help you think differently. They're there to they're certainly not there to tell you what to do. You have to come up with your own telling of what you're going to do or your own processes. They're there to prompt, plant seeds, think, get you to think outside the box, get you to believe in yourself, be on your side, all of that kind of stuff. But they're not there to boss you about and tell you what to do. So you know, a lot of people don't actually know what a coach is.

Sue:

Um, but for me, if somebody was to kind of contact me and tell me they were struggling, uh, what I would probably do, because my coaching programs run by the month, so it's for 30 days. It's actually a very, very small price, uh, to pay it's like less than a pound a day that people come in and they have group coaching. Like I said, these people are all stood side by side and we're doing this together, we're in it together and nobody's going to let anybody down. So what I would do is, if it's not the first of the month, I would kind of keep that person. I would have a chat with them, I'd ask them what the triggers are, I'd ask them about a little bit about the backstory, I'd gather some information before I'm kind of saying, oh you know, do you think this might help you? This is what my coaching program looks like. Do you think you could work with me? Because, let's face it, if I can't help somebody, I'm going to point them in a different direction. I'm not going to say, oh, we can't work together, off you go.

Sue:

Um, you know, not everybody is right for everybody. So if somebody, like I was saying earlier, might need more medical intervention, I'd certainly be suggesting that and having those conversations. So those conversations would take place and then on the first of the month, everybody's in. I get everybody to do an introduction. Let's all meet each other, let's tell each other how we're going to do this month sober, and that's it. And honestly, it fills me with so much joy to see people that have never met each other before. All in WhatsApp doing videos, encouraging each other, bigging each other up, sending each other pictures, taking selfies and we do make it fun, motivating and, you know, really, really supportive. It's such a great space and it's actually called Sober Space. So I have a Facebook community called Sober Space, and these people are the people from that group that have kind of said oh so I need a little bit more accountability, a little bit more support, and so that's what I did I created a little WhatsApp community.

Steph:

Would you like to give a shout out to your podcast as well?

Sue:

Oh yeah, I've got a podcast as well as well. Um, so my podcast, um journey, if you like. A couple of years ago I started doing a well-being podcast, uh, which was called Tickle Time podcast, um, and I've just put a little tiny pause in that at the moment. Albeit, I do need to interview you and I want you to come on the podcast, so I will take that little pin out and we'll do that. Um, but I've also recently started Sober Space podcast as well. So Sober Space is the community on facebook and instagram. I've also got this little whatsapp with the private coaching in there, uh, the private group coaching, and then there's a podcast. So it's all called Sober Space and you'll know it's me because it's called Sober Space by Sue Tickle and it's got a purple logo. So I'm sure we'll provide that in the show notes.

Steph:

Yeah, 100%. I will put all of that in the show notes. So before I bring the conversation round to your other wellbeing groups, can I just ask you what advice you would give to anybody listening who is struggling with addiction and feeling isolated and alone at the moment?

Sue:

Well, I think that alcohol probably tricks us into believing that we're isolated and alone. You know, we think that nobody else can be as bad as us. We think that we're the only person that's struggling with, with feeling sorry for ourselves and drinking two to three bottles of wine. Um, and so it does. Alcohol isolates us, um, and the thing that I would say is you're not alone.

Sue:

There's an awful lot of people that have reached the point that you have reached, um, and that you can come and ask me or any other sober group or any other sober coach for help or support, or even just somebody that you know that's sober. And I'm telling you now, they will, they will always help you. There's, like I said before, the community. The sober community is so helpful it's untrue because it's such a serious thing and you know it can take over your life and and for some people it takes their life and nobody wants to see that. So if you see somebody who is struggling with alcohol or wanting to get sober, we will always go the extra mile to do that and help people.

Steph:

Lovely. Thank you, Sue. So not only do you have your sober coaching, you have Revive Wellbeing, don't you? Can you give us an insight into the events you offer and what someone can expect from attending, because I'm attending in a few weeks and I'm excited, it's my first time.

Sue:

So I did mention before earlier on that I wear three hats. So I've got my full-time NHS job that I am incredibly passionate about and I love doing. I do the sober coaching because I feel like it's my purpose to help people, but I also, for the last 18 months, have had Revive Wellbeing, and what that is is it's mainly outside, in nature. It's cold water dipping, it's it's where people come along and attend our events. Some of them are free, some of them are a small charge, sound therapy, journaling, meditation anything that will enhance our well-being. We we, you know provide that. Um, trying to think, what we do, walks in nature, forest bathing have you ever tried forest bathing?

Steph:

No, I think I've heard of it, but I don't know what it is. What is it?

Sue:

In a nutshell, it's hugging a tree, but well, it's not. It's it's spending time in nature. You are bathing in nature's beauty and it is extremely good for your mental health, stress levels and well-being. In some countries, they actually prescribe forest bathing because it is so, so good for reducing stress levels. And well, it's not just stress that it cures. It can be other ailments as well, um, so we do offer that, um.

Sue:

I would just like to add, actually, that Revive Wellbeing is not just, uh, that that's not a sober thing, that's a anybody can come to Revive Wellbeing, uh. So we're on facebook and instagram with that as well, uh, and an eventbrite page which will will pop all them in the show notes. But, um, people, for me, people come to that to have utter relaxation, and that's what I do, uh, along with my business partner Hayley, and we do that for an hour or two hours or however long it's on. We do some retreats that are half days, uh, and we will just give people utter relaxation and send them floating away at the end of a session. It's actually really rewarding, really good I love it.

Steph:

I'm so excited, I'm so excited.

Sue:

So I think you're coming to a session where what we're doing is, uh, an introduction to well-being and we're doing, um, a little bit, a little bit of journaling, a little bit of sound bath, a little bit of Reiki and whatever. So that, because it's a way of introducing people, not only to Revive Wellbeing but also to invite them into looking after themselves and their own well-being, and because people sometimes think I don't know what a sound bath is, or that's a bit woo woo or oh. People often come without knowing if I go a sound bath. But if you come along to a taster session, you're just getting an introduction to well-being. You'll go away with that sense of oh, I quite like that. I don't like journaling, I like this, I like the meditation. That sounded nice, um, and then you can explore then some of those sessions with us that we do in in its entirety, um. So that's why we're doing these taster sessions and that's the one that you're coming along to. I am excited.

Steph:

I'm so excited.

Steph:

So what are your future goals? Do future goals for your coaching, your sober group podcasts can you let us in on any?

Sue:

Oh so, um, I think the podcasts, I do them because I enjoy them. I enjoy talking to people and I think if people get some kind of inspiration out of it, then that's fine. I don't ever make any any money out of the podcasts or anything like that, so I do occasionally put a pin in it and think, right, life's got a bit busy, I can just park that a little bit and pick it up. Um, Revive Wellbeing is going from strength to strength, so we are having some events that are sold out, um, you know. So that's going really well for Hayley and I. We're really really enjoying doing that. We get such a sense of of of pride at the end of it when people come up to us and they're just blown away by how relaxing it is. So that's going great. So there are no goals for that. I mean, obviously I want that to continue. So that's the goal for that.

Sue:

And the sober coaching I think I would like to reach more people. I think it's incredibly powerful the sense of community and helping people and helping people in numbers. I do do one-to-one coaching as well, but actually that's not necessarily my forte. Obviously, if somebody contacted me I would do it, but I much prefer the group stuff, because we all become like this little community and everybody's friends and people make friends afterwards and then we all meet. Some of us meet in person as well. Um, some of them actually came on a Revive Wellbeing event, so you know, and they were like, oh, we've been chatting all month in the sober coaching and then they turned up to do a cold water dip on Sunday and they'd never met each other. So it's really really lovely and I do think that they all work really well together.

Sue:

So my goal for the sober coaching is to reach more people and help more people and to continue to do that. The Sober Space Facebook group is fairly new. I only set it up in I think it was November or December, um, and I am hopefully going to grow that community as well. I think there's almost 200 people in there, uh, but I would like and it is just a free group, that that's for anybody um, and, like I say the, the sober coaching is in whatsapp, um, so, yeah, to just grow that a little bit really is my goal.

Steph:

And I'm just going to put it out there that we need to get Sue Tickle on the TED talk, because you would be fantastic.

Sue:

Oh yeah, oh yeah. So actually a personal goal. Sorry, I went on about all those goals, about all my little passion things. Yeah, my personal goal is to go and do a TED talk. I know I told you that before, didn't I? But um, I would really, really love to do that. I will put it on my vision board. So there we go. I've made that commitment. I've said it out loud yeah.

Steph:

I love them. I would definitely tune into yours.

Sue:

Oh, thank you, thank you.

Steph:

So just to wrap up, Sue, from the conversation today and I might be putting you on the spot here, what is one piece of advice that you hope our listeners take away from this conversation?

Sue:

Um, I think it's that when you said about being alone and being isolated, um, whether it's somebody struggling with, you know, drinking too much, or if somebody's struggling with confidence, or somebody's struggling with something that they might need life coaching for, or they might need some relaxation, so they might need some Revive Wellbeing, anybody can reach out to me and ask me for help, and if I can't help people, I'm very good at pointing people in a different direction. You know, I don't ever have any kind of competitiveness that people can't go to other other sober groups or other sober coaches or whatever. If there's something that I feel somebody's got a better skill set than me, then I will be honest and I will tell somebody that. Um, so I would like to say that the message is that I am approachable, I can help, um, and I'd like to help if, if people want to ask me.

Steph:

Lovely. And how can people find you, how can people work with you?

Sue:

Oh, I haven't thought that far ahead. Um so I I have all the socials which are obviously going to be in the show notes. I do also have my Link tree. That's got everything on there. Um so, the Sober Space uh page on Instagram and Facebook, the Revive Wellbeing pages are on Instagram, Tiktok and Facebook. I'm not I mean, I'm not cool enough to know exactly what to do on TikTok, but it's there from the Linktree link that will go in the show notes. There's like a button to click to message me, call me or anything if somebody wants to talk to me about coaching.

Steph:

Great. Thank you so much, Sue. Thank you for coming on and sharing your story. I've absolutely loved talking to you.

Sue:

Oh thank you so much.

Sue:

It was such a privilege for you, to you know, to be invited, and I do really, really appreciate it. I've loved it, and thank you so much for inviting me and I extend the invitation back for you to come on one of my podcasts.

Steph:

I accept I will 100% be on that, thank you. Thanks so much, Sue.

Sue:

Thank you very much.

Steph:

Thank you so much for listening. You can follow me on Instagram at Tranquil Topics, and if you have enjoyed this episode, please do leave a rating or review as it will help me to reach more people and I'll be back in two weeks time with another episode. Bye.