Episode #179 some personal tea I'm working through

join my email list HERE! 

connect with me on IG click here! 

Transcript

SPEAKER_00 0:35

Hello, hello, welcome back to the podcast. Today is going to be a little bit more of a personal episode. Um, I wrote an email about this earlier, and I'm like, this will be a good podcast episode too, and this is really for the person who feels like they have pushed past their limit for a long time, like years, because I feel like that. I feel like I've been lying to myself um over the past couple of years, and like have been mentally pushing myself way too hard for way too long, and I just feel like I have spent the past or like my entire coaching career, so the past 13 years in like true survival mode. Um, and it just feels like it's always like one thing after another, whether it's like you know, I'm in a phase of like needing to have multiple jobs, you know, struggling financially, not having enough clients, too many clients to handle. Like when I worked for a large company, I had over a hundred clients for years, um, at you know, that time in my life, and like it just all kinds of feels like never feeling like you just chill out and just exist. Like, I'm always putting out some type of fire, and then like after I was no longer working at that company anymore, it was more of a um like pushing to the next thing of like having my own business, and then I was also going through that 13-month education program, and then like I moved again and like started working at another gym, and like it was just or it has always been like you know, just so much going on at once, um, and uh that has just started to really weigh on me, wear on me. I don't know the right way to really like express it. Um, and uh I feel like it's coming to a head right now because of being pregnant, and like there's really nowhere to hide when you become pregnant because it's like um you physically you cannot push past the exhaustion with just pounding more caffeine and then just telling yourself okay when you're really not okay. Like it's pretty much what I've done for years. Um, but you know, things are a little bit different when you're pregnant, you can't just throw caution to the wind and like use all these stimulants all the time to just like get through your life, you know. Um, so yeah, I don't know. This is just kind of like a realization that I'm have been going through over the past few weeks. Um, and then like I don't know, I've just been trying to figure out like, okay, like how is my life going to work? Like once the baby is here, like I'm going to have to change how I work. And I've before this year, I tried to set myself up in a way where I was only doing remote work to like prepare for having a family, but then after the move and everything, and just like some shifts in my business, it was like I had to start working in person again, you know. So I'm back in the spot where I have multiple jobs, and it's just a lot to handle, and excuse me, feels like you have or like I know that you know, technically you're pregnant for nine months, but you know, the first three months you're like in survival mode, then when you're kind of coming out of that, you're like, oh my gosh, I only have like five months, you know, until the baby is here, or whatever it is, and it's like when coaching is your career, there's no traditional leave, like in the corporate world, right? Like, you know, if you work a corporate job, you have you know three months typically. I know sometimes people have less than that, but what I hear most often is people have like around three months of paid leave. Um, and uh, you know, that's not really a thing when coaching is your career and you have like a much less traditional career. Um, and that is one of the drawbacks. So, anyway, that to say, it feels like I have even less time to figure out how to make these shifts that I need to make, and it's just a lot, and so that's really what I've been going through this like mental gymnastics over the past like month, and just really having to sit down and get real with myself about like okay, what matters most to me? What is my true capacity? Like, not only right now, but thinking about like when I have a baby and when I'm like overly exhausted, like, what is my true capacity going to look like then? Because it's going to be even less than what I feel like I have now. So just mentally trying to sort that out and think of like okay, how can I prepare for this and start preparing for that now? Um sorry, I'm like okay. Sorry, I don't edit my podcast at this time, so sorry about that, but whatever. This is just real. Um, so anyways, if you're still listening to this, thank you for listening to my rant. But I just wanted to post this because I like hearing stuff like this. I like hearing other people share about real shit that they're going through, that they're trying to figure out, sharing in real time. So I am sharing in real time. That's something I've been working through mentally over the past month or so, and I have not figured it all out, but I do feel like I have gotten clarity and like have been honest with myself about what things truly need to look like and um and what I need to change over the next few months, so working through it. Um, and yeah, so if you are somebody who you feel like you're on the cusp of like a lot of change in your life, or you're coming to a realization of like, hey, I can no longer do things the way that I have been, and something needs to change, like I see you, you're not alone sending you all the good vibes. And I think what is most important about this type of a process, um, is that you're just really honest with yourself and you're not trying to like filter your thoughts or decisions around what you should do or what other people are doing, it's it really has to be about like what do I need to do and what makes sense for me. And I think that is the hardest part about it, and the most important part about going through something like this too. So, anyways, thanks for being here if you listen to this, and I will talk to you next time.