The Social Mirror Effect: How Letting Others Shape Your Self-Perception Can Hold You Back

In this empowering episode, Lori Gouhin explains the concept of the social mirror, how feedback and opinions from others shape your self-perception and influence your choices. Lori discusses both the benefits and potential downsides of external feedback, revealing how an over-reliance on others' opinions can make it difficult to stay true to your personal values and pursue meaningful growth.

Lori encourages you to turn inward, focusing on your own values and defining success on your own terms. She offers actionable strategies to build a resilient self-image, such as creating a mental filter for feedback, practicing the art of pausing before responding, and using journaling to thoughtfully process and analyze external input.

Episode Highlights:

• The "social mirror" reflects how you see yourself based on the feedback and opinions of others, shaping your self-perception, choices, and even self-esteem. In this episode, Lori examines how relying on external input can blur your sense of self, making it challenging to stay grounded in your personal values.

• Social comparison: a natural tendency where you might measure yourself against others, often leading to feelings of inadequacy or pressure to conform. Lori discusses how this can derail your personal goals by encouraging you to adopt values that aren’t truly yours.

• Filtering feedback: Lori shares practical strategies for filtering feedback to decide what’s genuinely useful and what’s just noise. By developing a mental filter, you can learn to accept input that aligns with your personal growth while letting go of feedback that doesn’t support you.

• Social media: The impact of social media can amplify social mirroring, often triggering unhealthy comparisons and self-doubt. Lori offers actionable tips on curating your feeds to minimize exposure to content that drains your confidence, focusing instead on content that uplifts and supports your values.

• Self-validation: Cultivating a strong, independent self-image empowers you to filter out unhelpful feedback and stay true to your values.

Tune in to learn how cultivating a self-image rooted in your core values can help you filter out unhelpful feedback and amplify our feelings of self-worth.

Thank you for sharing your time with me and remember to show up in your life like the masterpiece you are because YOU are the ARTwork!!!

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Transcript

[00:00:00] Lori Gouhin: Welcome to The ARTwork of YOU, the podcast, where your life is the canvas and you are the masterpiece. I'm your host, Lori Gouhin, and together we'll explore creativity, self awareness, mindset, goal strategy, and the importance of accountability so that you can paint your life's portrait. With confidence and ease.

[00:00:21] Remember in the gallery of life, you're not just a spectator. You are the art. So let's grab our brushes and start creating the masterpiece. That is you. Hello, my friends. I am so glad that you are here with me today because today. I want to talk to you about the idea of the social mirror, and I don't remember where I first heard this term, but the term itself definitely stuck with me.

[00:00:45] And essentially what it means is how the opinions, feedback, and perspectives of others shape the way that we see ourselves. And I would say that we all know that feedback from others can be helpful, but if we're not careful, it can become not only overwhelming. But also at times detrimental because sometimes what others see in us or say to us can influence our choices more than we realize.

[00:01:10] And while again, it can be motivating to hear encouragement for sure, relying too heavily on external input can make it harder to stay true to who we are. And what we really want. And so in today's episode, I want to share how to navigate this balance. And I want to talk about the effects of social feedback on our self image and goals and show practical strategies to help you filter out what isn't helpful and to keep what is.

[00:01:38] All right. So let's start by breaking down. What do I mean when I say social mirror? This idea is about how we end up seeing ourselves partly through the feedback, reactions, and perceptions that we get from others. Think of it as the subtle yet powerful influence on our self image that comes from all those moments, big or small, when someone reflects something back to us.

[00:02:02] about us. For example, think about social media for a minute. Yeah, it's a place to share, but it's also where we're constantly on the receiving end of others views on what we're doing, who we are, and even how we look. And while social media amplifies it, the social mirror effect can happen in all kinds of settings like work, family dynamics, or even in friendships.

[00:02:26] Each time we get feedback, We're given another reflection of who we are in someone else's eyes. It could be positive and empowering, or it could be destructive and harmful. And now there's also a psychological side to this as well. Social psychologists talk about social comparison theory, which is the idea that we often define our own worth and capabilities.

[00:02:49] Based on comparing ourselves to others, and this can happen whether we're aware of it or not. When you're surrounded by high achievers, for example, you might feel the pressure to meet some of those same standards, even if your personal goals or values are different. And here's why this is important. Not all reflections we get from others are accurate.

[00:03:09] People's reactions to us can, and often are, shaped by their own issues, their own biases, their own experiences, that don't have anything to do with us really. And yet, because we're naturally wired to want acceptance or belonging, it's easy to internalize these views without questioning them. And so, again, in this episode, my goal is to help you recognize this social mirror effect.

[00:03:33] Understand that it's there, yes, but also see where it's influencing you and most importantly, where it might be holding you back. Because once we become aware of these reflections, we're in a much better position to decide which ones to take in And which ones to filter out. So how can you protect your self image so that it does reflect your values and goals, not just what others say or what others see?

[00:03:59] I would say that the first step is learning to spot the difference between feedback that's genuinely helpful and feedback that's just noise. And a good way to think about this is to ask yourself, does this feedback align with who I am and who I want to become? Or is it just pushing me in a direction that I didn't choose?

[00:04:18] For example, if someone's feedback is specific, constructive, and focuses on something that you can realistically improve, then likely that's worth considering. But if the feedback feels like it's more about their expectations, or comes from their biases, or what I like to call their manual, it might not be helpful.

[00:04:38] And one practical way to do this is to create a mental filter by identifying who you will accept feedback from. You can think of it as kind of like having a selective audience. Only those who genuinely understand and respect your goals will make it onto that list. Next, you can practice pausing before you absorb any feedback.

[00:04:59] I've said it before, and I will continue to preach it. There is so, so, so much power in the pause. When someone gives you input or feedback, especially if it's unexpected or critical, take a moment before you respond. Remind yourself that you do not have to accept or reject it on the spot. And this pause lets you separate your initial emotional reaction from a more thoughtful response.

[00:05:27] It's always better to respond than to react. So, after you've had a moment, ask yourself a few questions. Is this feedback coming from someone who really understands me? Is it helping me move forward or is it holding me back? If the answers point toward negativity, you have every right to let it go.

[00:05:47] without taking it to heart. Feedback journaling can also be a powerful way to keep track of what you hear. Analyze it and decide what you actually want to keep. Whenever you get feedback, whether it's something you heard at work, a comment from a friend, or even someone online, you can write it down in a journal, and then you can spend a few minutes reflecting on it.

[00:06:06] And again, ask yourself questions like, does this align with my values? Does it support my vision for myself? Is this true? And when you go back to these notes, you'll start to see patterns, most likely some of the feedback will stand out as consistently positive or valuable, and some of it may seem less relevant or even harmful.

[00:06:24] This practice will give you a kind of like a record of encouraging feedback. So when you're feeling uncertain, you can look back and remind yourself of what's genuinely supportive. And I remember giving my oldest daughter this advice when she started her first job after college. I told her to keep a record of all the positive feedback that she got at work so that when she was feeling insecure or she made a mistake, she could use those notes and feedback as a reminder of her value and her worth.

[00:06:52] All right. Now let's talk a little bit more about social media. Well, again, it can be inspiring. It can also amplify negative feedback or comparisons. It can be a huge source of unwanted opinions and one practical way to not compare and despair and to protect your self image is by setting boundaries around your social media use.

[00:07:12] This can mean unfollowing or muting accounts that trigger your self doubt, trigger comparing yourself or feeling like you're off track. You can think of it as curating your feed to support your goals, your values, and interests. You're allowed to make social media a space that reflects what uplifts you rather than what tears you down.

[00:07:33] So don't hesitate to mute or unfollow anyone who doesn't support the direction you're going in. And finally, one of the most powerful strategies Is to develop a habit of self validation because validation by others is a nice bonus when it happens, but it's not necessary. So develop a habit of self validation because if you're consistently looking outside of yourself for approval, it can be really hard to break that cycle.

[00:08:01] So instead, try to establish ways to validate yourself and your progress internally. You can start small, like this. Just give yourself credit for even the small steps that you take each day. This could look like writing down three things that you accomplished each day, no matter how small they might seem, or you might have a specific goal.

[00:08:19] You can keep a progress journal where you note what went well, what you're proud of, what you're learning. Self validation isn't about ignoring others completely. It's about balancing external feedback with an inner acknowledgement of your own progress and worth. And so again, these are just a few practical ways to filter out unhelpful input and make sure that the feedback you're internalizing aligns with who you truly are and what you're working towards.

[00:08:47] Now let's talk about. The most important part, and that's building a self image that's grounded in your values, not the expectations or opinions of others, because this is what will allow you to move forward in a way that feels authentic, no matter what anyone else says. And the first step is getting clear on what those values actually are.

[00:09:07] Think about what truly matters to you. The qualities that you respect most, the principles that you want to guide your life by. Take some time to write these down and just aim for a couple of core values, ones that feel central to who you are. For example, things like honesty, creativity, growth, freedom, identifying these values gives you a solid foundation to measure any feedback against.

[00:09:32] If the feedback doesn't align with these values, it's easier to let it go and to focus on what really resonates with you. Next, define what success means to you because success means something different to everyone and is often one of those areas where outside opinions can really weigh heavily. So after you identify your values, think about what success looks like to you personally.

[00:09:56] It doesn't have to look like what anyone else's version of success does. And in fact, it probably shouldn't. So take a few minutes to define success on your terms. The more that you know what your own vision of success looks like, the less likely you are to be swayed by others who may have a different idea of what you should be aiming for.

[00:10:17] Next, set your goals based on your values, not comparisons, because when you set goals based on your values, they will naturally align with who you are and where you want to go. Rather than setting goals to keep up quote unquote, or to match someone else's achievements, ask yourself what would be meaningful to you.

[00:10:37] What goals reflect your values and your vision of success? For example, if a core value is growth, then a meaningful goal could be to take on a new skill or a challenge regardless of what anyone else is doing. If creativity is one of your values, perhaps you set a goal to create something weekly. Not because it's trending or profitable, but because it feels true to who you are.

[00:11:01] When your goals are tied to your values rather than comparisons, you're more likely to stay motivated and resilient, even when things get tough. I talked about that in last week's episode, so if you haven't listened, I would suggest that you do. Another strategy is to visualize your future self. This is one of my favorite techniques because it can make your values feel really real and achievable.

[00:11:25] So try visualizing your future self, the person you want to become based on the values that you've identified. Picture what your life looks like when you're living by these values every day. Imagine how you act, the choices you make, and even how you feel about yourself. When you can clearly see yourself living in line with your values, it becomes so much easier to dismiss feedback that does not align with that vision.

[00:11:51] You are less likely to be distracted by others opinions because you have a strong, positive image of where you are headed and who you want to become. And finally, make an effort to connect with people who share or respect your values. When the people around you support your vision, it is much easier to stay grounded in who you are, because they're not trying to mold you into someone else because they appreciate you for what you stand for.

[00:12:18] So seek out relationships, whether personal or professional, that uplift you and reinforce your values. And now this doesn't mean you have to cut off you. Or cut out anyone who thinks differently. I am definitely not suggesting that you live in an echo chamber, but if you're surrounded by people who understand and respect your values, their feedback will more likely be aligned with the path that you're choosing.

[00:12:41] Before we wrap up, let me remind you of my own story in becoming an artist. When I first started, I had no formal background in art, and as you can imagine, it was easy for me to feel intimidated and out of place. I was constantly comparing myself to others, those with years of experience and formally trained, those with strong social media followings, and those with professional accolades.

[00:13:05] That comparison was exhausting. And it left me questioning if I was enough, but when I took a step back and I defined what I valued, which was creativity, self expression and authenticity, it literally changed everything. I realized that success for me wasn't about following the traditional path. My goal was to create work that felt true to me, regardless of how it was received.

[00:13:29] And over time, this value based approach allowed me to develop a unique style and build a fulfilling and successful art practice that didn't rely on anyone else's standards or approval. And so as we wrap up, remember, the social mirror It will always be there. People will always have opinions and feedback, but you have the power to decide what feedback to keep and what to let go of.

[00:13:54] And when you identify your values, when you define success on your own terms and you practice self validation, you will create a foundation for a self image that's truly yours. And from there you can set goals that actually mean something to you. Visualize the person you want to become and surround yourself with people who respect your journey because when you've built this kind of self image, you will find it much easier to filter out any feedback or influence that doesn't serve you.

[00:14:26] So set yourself up for a path that's truly your own, one that's meaningful, authentic, and most importantly, sustainable. And if you would like a partner in this to help guide you and keep you accountable, reach out or go to my website (https://www.theartworkofyou.com)to find out more about my personalized private coaching and mentoring.

[00:14:46] That's a wrap for today, my friends. Thank you for sharing your time with me and remember to show up in your life like the masterpiece you are because you are the artwork. Please subscribe and leave a five star review. Have a fabulous day.