Ep 75 Cravings: The Link Between Desire and Destiny

In this episode, Lori explores the concept of cravings and how they might be more than just fleeting desires. Inspired by a quote from Matthew McConaughey on Cathy Heller's podcast, Lori explores the idea that what you crave could actually be part of your destiny. She dissects the negative connotations often associated with cravings and differentiates them from goals and dreams. Through reflective questions and personal insights, Lori encourages listeners to reconnect with their deep-seated desires and consider them as potential guides toward a more aligned and fulfilled life. Lori emphasizes the importance of honoring these cravings rather than dismissing them, suggesting they could be significant indicators of our true selves and future paths.

Episode Highlights

• The Sacred Craving
• 01:00 Matthew McConaughey's Insight
• 02:16 Exploring the Concept of Craving
• 04:33 Distinguishing Cravings from Goals and Dreams
• 06:32 The Persistent Nature of Cravings
• 5 Questions to Understand Your Cravings
• Embracing Your Cravings

Tune in now to discover what your cravings might be telling you. Listen to the full episode and start embracing the desires that are leading you toward your destiny.

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Transcript

Lori Gouhin: [00:00:00] sometimes the things that we crave.

Lori Gouhin: This thing that we won't talk about, and not because we're unsure, but because it almost feels kind of sacred. Like if we said it out loud, it might lose some of its magic Hello my friends. I am so glad that you are here with me today because today I wanna talk about something that I read recently that really made me stop and I just right away wrote it down and it was a post by Cathy Heller on [00:01:00] Instagram. Apparently Matthew McConaughey was a guest on her podcast and he said, what if what you crave is actually part of your destiny?

Lori Gouhin: And now, if you've been listening to my show for a while, you know that I had a episode about Matthew McConaughey, where he talked about, I think it was episode 32. He talked about his Oscar speech and his three pillar approach to life. But this time when I read that quote. About what you crave being your destiny.

Lori Gouhin: I purposely did not go look that up or research what he meant by that. And I didn't listen to their episode because I didn't wanna be influenced by his interpretation or their conversation. I wanted to really think about what the idea meant to me because that question, what if what you crave is actually part of your destiny?

Lori Gouhin: I don't think that I've ever really heard it put like that before. And I think that there's really something worth exploring there. [00:02:00] And so that's what I wanna do today. I wanna explore that with you from my perspective. And I wanna ask some questions that I think might help you reconnect with something that you've been craving, but maybe you've been trying to silence it or push it aside.

Lori Gouhin: But let's first start with the word crave. I think that sometimes it gets a negative rap because we tend to think of craving as something impulsive, something you're supposed to resist cravings. What you do at midnight when you're standing in front of the refrigerator looking for a snack or positively, uh, you could even think of craving as, endless scrolling.

Lori Gouhin: You're craving for some kind of distraction. And so I'd say it kind of gets lumped in with, weakness, so to speak, or lack of discipline with wanting too much. But the craving that I'm talking about today, and the one I believe that Matthew McConaughey was talking about is different. I'm talking about the deep soul level.

Lori Gouhin: Pull, the thing that you keep coming [00:03:00] back to, the idea, the desire, the vision, that won't leave you alone no matter how many times you try to rationalize it away. I am not talking about a quick hit or a passing phase. I'm talking about that thing that sits in the back of your mind and tells you.

Lori Gouhin: You were meant for this, even when your life appears to be fine and running smoothly as is for the most part. I think most of us have been told that when we have thoughts like that, that kind of craving that it might be more like a whim, like a fleeting thought. We might have been taught to dismiss it as unrealistic or self-indulgent or.

Lori Gouhin: Irresponsible, especially once we become parents, especially if it doesn't fit neatly into the version of your life that other people understand or approve of. And so we downplay it, we file it away under that elusive someday. Sometimes we try to convince ourselves that it was never important to begin with.

Lori Gouhin: But what if it is [00:04:00] important? What if it's the most honest thing about you? I really want you to think about this. I want you to think about is there something that you crave, that you push aside and not because you're not pushing it aside because it's bad or wrong, but maybe because it feels too big or too inconvenient or too far away from the life that you've built so far, the life that you're living now.

Lori Gouhin: So just sit with that for a second, because what if what you crave. Isn't there to mess with your head? What if it's there to guide you? I think one of the reasons we get so tangled up around this idea of craving is because we don't really have, I would say, the language that separates it from something like a goal or a dream, but they're not the same, in my opinion.

Lori Gouhin: Not even really close. I would say goals are more logical. They're structured, usually they're measurable. They usually have a checklist attached, something you do or don't do. [00:05:00] You put them in your planner, your vision board on a spreadsheet, and obviously there's nothing wrong with that. Clearly, goals can be a very powerful tool.

Lori Gouhin: I help clients all the time achieve their goals, set their goals, but goals are often decided. They're the things that we choose. Based on often what we think is possible, what's accessible to us, what fits into the timeframe that we've given ourselves. And then there are dreams. On the other hand, they feel bigger usually.

Lori Gouhin: Sometimes a little bit more abstract. Like someday I'll write a book, or someday I'll live by the ocean, or someday I'll start that business. But because they're kind of dreamy, we tend to keep them at arm's length. There's not really a plan behind the dream, just a picture that we can return to when our real life maybe seems boring or uninspiring.

Lori Gouhin: But then there's craving. And I would say that craving lives in your body because you can feel it. You don't need to justify it. You don't even need to [00:06:00] necessarily always understand it. And it's not something like just this new idea you try on. It's something that's been with you, something that stirs when you see someone else doing the thing that you want, or when you're in an environment that reminds you of it.

Lori Gouhin: Sometimes, maybe it comes kind of like a flash. I'd say it's generally emotional because again, you can feel it and sometimes it might even feel like grief because in your mind you might be thinking it's never going to be a reality. Or maybe sometimes it feels like an obsession. The point is, is that its doesn't go away.

Lori Gouhin: Something about it is always in the back of your mind. And it doesn't care if you think it's responsible or reasonable or well timed because it just keeps showing up. And I'd say that's what makes it sometimes so easy to dismiss, but also maybe what makes it so important to pay attention to. So here's another thing I would like you to ask yourself.

Lori Gouhin: Is the thing that you say that you want or the thing that's in the [00:07:00] back of your mind, something that you chose or is it something. That chose you because that's what a craving feels like. It feels like being chosen, like something in the world is calling you towards it. And it's your responsibility to stop pretending that you don't hear it.

Lori Gouhin: 

As I said, it can feel like guilt or fear. When that craving goes against what's expected of you at this point in your life or what's currently working in your life, it can almost even feel like a threat, I would say.

Lori Gouhin: Again, we're taught to be rational, to make practical choices, to make smart decisions. And craving doesn't always play by those rules. It doesn't show up with a timeline or a 10 point action plan. It just kind of shows up.  And we've been conditioned to think that if something doesn't come with a clear path forward, we shouldn't take it seriously.

Lori Gouhin: When everything seems to be going along smoothly or when you've already say committed to a certain role [00:08:00] or a career, or a certain identity or a relationship, or the location where you live and the craving that you're having doesn't fit into any of that, and so. instead of exploring it, you talk yourself out of it. I know that was certainly my story with creating a coaching business. Now isn't the right time. I should be grateful for what I already have. Who am I to want something more? I don't know if that sounds familiar to you, but that was certainly my story.

Lori Gouhin: But again, that craving doesn't go away. The desire to coach never went away just because I tried to push it away. And just because you don't act on it. In fact, I think the longer that you ignore it, the more uncomfortable you can become in your own skin and in your life. When everything looks good on the outside doesn't mean it's good on the inside.

Lori Gouhin: And let me just say, I'm not saying like burn it all down, right? I'm not talking about making some big dramatic change. I'm not telling you to walk outta your job or your relationship or move outta the city where you're [00:09:00] living. What I'm saying is that if you've been caring. A craving for something for years, even, maybe for months, and it keeps showing up in different ways.

Lori Gouhin: Stop dismissing it, start listening to it. Ask what it's trying to tell you. And just to get back to the original quote for a second, again, what if what you crave is actually part of your destiny? What if that craving isn't random? What if it's not a distraction or a temptation or a test or anything else we might tell ourselves?

Lori Gouhin: What if it's more of a map, not a full roadmap with step-by-step directions, but more like a pull in a certain direction or a nudge in a certain direction, or like a signal or a breadcrumb? I think we're so used to thinking of destiny as something out there, like it's this mystical pre-written plan that either happens or it doesn't happen.

Lori Gouhin: But what if destiny is something that [00:10:00] we co-create and that the clues are kind of baked into the things that we're drawn to over and over again. Maybe the craving that you keep trying to suppress. Is actually like the thread that connects you to a more aligned version of yourself. A version where you don't feel like you're playing a role, a version where you feel like things are just so aligned with who you are, it's something that lights you up that's hard to explained and it maybe doesn't make sense to anyone else.

Lori Gouhin: Maybe it's not Instagrammable or something that's really impressive to people. Maybe it feels weird or strange, but that doesn't mean that it's not real. And what if that thing that you crave is a message maybe from your future self or from your true self, the version of you that exists beyond what's practical or performative, the version of you who already knows.

Lori Gouhin: And I'll say this again because I think it's [00:11:00] really, really important. The craving. It's not the problem. Ignoring it is, and what you'll find is that most people, they're not going to follow this map, this nudge because they're waiting for permission or for certainty or for external validation or for somebody to tell them that it's worth pursuing.

Lori Gouhin: Maps don't work like that. Cravings don't work like that. You don't get the full picture until you take the first step. And I also, I wanna make it clear that not every craving is meant to be pursued. Sometimes they really are just a distraction or a temporary desire, so it's valid to question them.

Lori Gouhin: But there are some cravings that stick and they don't stick because you're confused. They stick because you're being called. And so how do you know the difference? Here are a few questions that I ask myself and I would really encourage you to ask yourself too. The first thing is, has it been with you for a while?

Lori Gouhin: Is this craving, showing up time and time [00:12:00] again, maybe on and off for months or years? Pay attention because real cravings have staying power. They will show up in different forms. They might evolve. They don't ever disappear. I would also ask myself, do you feel strangely protective of it? And what I mean by that is sometimes the things that we crave.

Lori Gouhin: This thing that we won't talk about, and not because we're unsure, but because it almost feels kind of sacred. Like if we said it out loud, it might lose some of its magic that it's kind of a protective feeling. That's often a sign. I'll say that. It's that, that it matters more to you than you're letting on.

Lori Gouhin: I would also ask, does it bring you closer to your sense of self? When you imagine pursuing it, do you feel more like you? Successful. not more admired, but more you, because that's the kind of craving that's worth exploring too. And number four, this one can be a [00:13:00] little, I don't know, people might have opinions, but are you jealous?

Lori Gouhin: Of the people that are doing it. I know it's uncomfortable, but it could be a clue because jealousy often reveals something you deeply desire but haven't allowed yourself to claim. So if you find yourself jealous or annoyed or activated by someone doing the thing, not because they're doing it wrong, but because you wish you were doing it or you wish that was you, that's also something to look at.

Lori Gouhin: And here's what I would say is the most important question of all. What's the story you've been telling yourself about why you can't have it? That story, whatever it is, is often where the real work needs to begin. It might be a belief about your age, your timing, your responsibilities, your talents, your worth, but those stories can be rewritten and sometimes the first step in allowing a craving is just calling out the lie that's been sitting in front of it.

Lori Gouhin: I'd also suggest that if you're someone who journals or reflects [00:14:00] on things, I would really invite you to do this, to sit with the question. If I didn't have to explain myself to anyone, what would I let myself crave? And then just let it be messy. Let it be honest and let it be yours. All yours. All right, so to wrap it up.

Lori Gouhin: What if, what you're craving, the one that's been with you for a long time, the one you keep trying to downplay, the one that feels almost too personal to admit. What if it's not something outside of you? What if it's you calling yourself forward? What if it's the version of you that's more alive, more fulfilled, more in integrity with who you actually are?

Lori Gouhin: It's there. It's waiting for you to recognize it. We spend so much time trying to outgrow these desires, trying to be okay with the things as they are. Trying not to want too much, trying not to ask too much. Trying not to be too much. [00:15:00] But what if the thing you crave is not something to outgrow?

Lori Gouhin: What if it's something to grow into?

Lori Gouhin: I would almost say sometimes we think these cravings are dangerous because they make us question what's working, but maybe they're showing up because something inside of us knows we're meant for more or something different, or something better aligned with who we are. Not because we're broken, of course, not because you're missing something, but because you are evolving.

Lori Gouhin: And so I wanna say. You're not being selfish for wanting something more. You're being honest and honesty is the first step toward becoming the person you were meant to be. So if you're sitting with a craving right now, even if you don't know what to do with it yet, I hope you won't push it away. I hope you'll be curious about it, and I hope that you'll give it a little space to breathe. [00:16:00]