Ep 85 Leading with Love in Relationships, Parenting, and Community

 In this heartfelt and powerful episode, Lori Gouhin explores what it really means to lead with love beyond clichés and passive kindness. Through personal stories, parenting reflections, and practical insight, Lori invites us to examine the ways we attempt to control others (often with the best intentions), and how true leadership begins when we choose curiosity, emotional maturity, and radical honesty instead.

Drawing from 37 years of partnership with her husband and almost three decades of parenting, Lori illustrates how love is not about shaping people into who we want them to be but making space for them to be fully themselves, while we remain fully rooted in our own values.

This episode is a must-listen for anyone seeking more authentic relationships with loved ones, with children, with strangers, and most importantly, with themselves.

Episode Highlights:
 ➤ What it means to truly “lead with love” in daily life
 ➤ How attempts to control others often come from fear, not love
 ➤ The difference between emotional control vs. connection
 ➤ Parenting with love: leading without micromanaging
 ➤ Releasing the need to be right in order to be in integrity
 ➤ Why acceptance doesn’t mean agreement
 ➤ Showing up as the honest version of yourself not just the likable one
 ➤ Small ways to lead with love in everyday interactions
 ➤ Lori’s personal reflections from partnership to parenting
 ➤ Grounding questions to help you shift from control to clarity

This episode is your invitation to lead with love from a place of confidence and intention to let others be who they truly are. 

Thank you for sharing your time with me and remember to show up in your life like the masterpiece you are because YOU are the ARTwork!!!

Please subscribe and leave a 5 Star Review.

Have a fabulous day!

Learn more and follow along with Lori at:

30 Days of Success Free Journal: https://www.theartworkofyou.com/registration

Website: https://www.TheARTworkofYOU.com

Website: https://www.lorigouhin.com/

Instagram: https://www.instagram.com/theartworkofyou/

Instagram: https://www.instagram.com/lorigouhin/

Facebook: https://www.facebook.com/facebook.com/lori.gouhin

LinkedIn: https://www.linkedin.com/linkedin.com/lori-gouhin/

Grab your FREE Daily Accountability Journal
https://www.theartworkofyou.com/registration

Transcript

Lori Gouhin: [00:00:00] Hello my friends. I am so glad that you are here with me today because today I want to talk about leading with love and what that actually looks like in real life, not just the be kind to everybody kind of message. Not that that's not important because it is, but I wanna talk about. a way of being that changes how you show up in relationships, even the hard ones.

And I was inspired to do this episode because I recently celebrated this 37 year [00:01:00] anniversary of my first date with my husband, which seems crazy and impossible all at the same time, by the way. But it got me thinking because from the very beginning of our relationship, I always said that I never felt more like me.

Until I met him, and that is not some romantic cliché. It really is the clearest way that I can describe what it feels like to be in a relationship where you're not managed or micromanaged, but really, truly seen. He didn't love me for who I could become someday. He loved me as I was with all of my crazy ideas, my big dreams, quirks, opinions, shortcomings, all the things.

And because of that, I actually became more of who I am, not less. And so in today's episode. It's really about how we treat people, how we choose to lead in our relationships as parents, in our homes, in our businesses, and even how we interact with [00:02:00] people that we don't know. Because as they say, you can't change people, but you can choose how you love them and you can choose how you lead.

And leading with love really does create space for real connection because. It's really what allows you to be fully you while letting others be who they are too. And if we're being honest, a lot of people might think that they are leading with love, but they are not because a lot of people have been conditioned.

To influence others through pressure. And so their behavior and their thoughts look more like, if I just explain it better, they'll change. Or if I stay quiet, they'll like me more. Or maybe something like, if I love them enough, they'll become who I want them to be. But here's the thing that is not leadership and it is not love.

It's control. And it almost always backfires. Believe me. Ask me how I know. So what if [00:03:00] instead of managing and micromanaging people, we learned how to lead with love while still honoring our own needs and setting clear boundaries and refusing to abandon ourselves in the process. So what does it actually mean?

What am I talking about when I say lead with love? Because I think that phrase does get thrown around a lot without anyone really stopping to think about what it truly means. In my opinion, leading with love isn't about being nice or keeping your thoughts to yourself, and it's not about being passive or endlessly accommodating, and it's definitely not about showing kindness While quietly resenting people for something. To me, leading with love means choosing to show up as someone who leads with curiosity, respect, confidence, and emotional maturity. It means asking yourself questions like, am I trying to control this person or connect with them, or am I responding from fear or from [00:04:00] clarity and from care?

And sometimes leading with love looks like not reacting at all. It looks like giving people space. It looks like being okay with being silent. Maybe it looks like letting go of something without the need to explain or to prove that you're right. Because here's what I've learned. When you truly lead with love, you let go of needing people to become who you wish they were or.

You let go of the need for them to think what you want them to think, and you stop trying to manage their emotions or their growth, and that's when the most honest and powerful relationships can actually begin. Because no one's auditioning anymore. No one's performing. You're just both showing up. And again, it doesn't mean that you ignore bad behavior.

It's more like you stop mirroring it. And what I mean, in other words is that you don't meet controlling energy with more control and you don't meet disrespect with [00:05:00] disrespect. Leading with love is a choice, and one thing I continually remind myself of is that love is a verb. It's something you do, and in my opinion, we all deserve to be loved.

And I know it's sometimes hard. It's much easier to slip into judgment, defensiveness, or ultimatums, but all that does is create distance and resentment from them and from you. So maybe the better question is what becomes possible when you stop trying to shape people and start standing beside them fully yourself and choosing love.

That's the kind of love that creates real connection. And again, just to be clear, I'm not saying to pretend everything is fine just to keep things comfortable. You're not nodding along in conversations where your values are being walked all over or anything like that. That is not love. Sometimes, again, leading with love.

Looks like being incredibly direct in saying no clearly and calmly. You're [00:06:00] not trying to become the most likable version of yourself. Instead, you want to be the most aligned version of yourself and show up from that place. And I think something that often gets misunderstood about this is that people assume that it means you have to compromise who you are.

That to accept others, you have to agree with them. And that to let people be who they are, you have to let go of who you are in essence. But I don't believe that. You can offer someone full acceptance without compromising your own values, and you can let someone live their truth while still living yours.

Leading with love doesn't mean you get quiet about what matters to you. It means that you speak your truth without needing to invalidate someone else's. That's the difference between acceptance and approval. You don't have to approve of someone's choices to be in relationship with them. You don't have to agree with someone's beliefs to respect their right to have them.

And [00:07:00] sometimes love means giving people the space to make decisions that you wouldn't make and trusting them to live their own lives, not from detachment or from resentment, but really from a grounded place of you are you. I am me. And I am not here to rewrite your story. This kind of love is powerful because it's not about changing people.

Instead you are making room for them. And in that space you stay rooted in who you are. you don't shapeshift to keep some connection, and you don't abandon what you know is right for you. You stay, you. And that's the point because when you lead with love and still stand in your own integrity, you're demonstrating that compassion and conviction can exist together. That love doesn't mean control And those relationships are the real ones, and they can hold tension and differences and still thrive. To me, this is one of the [00:08:00] hardest and most worthwhile things that you can practice. And if there's one place where this whole idea of leading with love gets tested the most, it's with parenting, in my opinion.

Because honestly, nothing pushes your control buttons like raising another human who has their own mind. Their own timing, their own wiring, and their own way of seeing the world. And if you were raised in a household where love came with strings like obedience, performance, compliance, then the instinct to correct, to shape and to micromanage your child for their quote unquote Own good can be so strong. But from my experience of being a mother for 28 years now, the more I lead with love, not fear, not ego, and not the need to be right, the more my children become who they actually are, not just who I thought they would be. And I've also learned this. My job is not to sculpt them into some version of me.

My job is to stay rooted [00:09:00] in who I am while creating space for them to become fully themselves. And now that did not mean that when they were younger that anything went. What I tried to do was stay clear on what I believe, what I value, and what I model, and allow space for them to do the same.

Did that always work? No, of course not. But that was the goal. And sometimes that looked like letting them disagree with me. Sometimes, and for me this was really hard and sometimes it still is. It meant not rushing in to fix things so that I can feel like a better parent or, and this is also hard giving them space to fail or figure things out on their own.

Because here's the trap, when we try to control our kids in the name of love, what we're actually saying is I'll feel okay as long as you behave a certain way. But that's not leading with love. That's outsourcing your emotional safety to a child. And no kid should ever have to carry that. Believe me, and I [00:10:00] understand I have three kids.

It can be challenging, but you must see your children for who they really are. And remember that they are here for their own journey just as you and everyone else are. They are not here to be who you wanted them to be.

You must protect their right to evolve even when it's messy and create a home where truth is safe to speak, even when it's not convenient. Because at the end of the day I don't know about you, but I want my children to feel what I felt when I met my husband all those years ago. That feeling of being allowed to be yourself and this idea of leading with love and allowing people to be who they are.

It doesn't just apply to partners or to kids or to close friends. It shows up in the small everyday ways that we engage with strangers, acquaintances, people that we'll never see again. And honestly, that can also be really hard because it's easy to practice acceptance or somewhat easy when there's a strong emotional bond.

[00:11:00] But what about that server who maybe gets your order wrong, or the person who says something that you completely disagree with? Or maybe it's the person who cuts you off in traffic, or the stranger who lives their life in a way that makes zero sense to you. You don't owe your energy to anyone, but you can still lead with love.

You can choose curiosity over assumption, and you can choose grace over outrage, And you can certainly decide not to make someone's personality, politics, or their behavior a personal attack on your worldview. And again, to be clear, allowing someone to be who they are doesn't mean you co-sign everything they do.

It just means that you stop assigning meaning to it if it doesn't affect you. You don't need to debate everyone, and you don't need to correct everyone, and you don't need to spend your energy trying to get strangers to align with your values. You just need to stay in integrity with your own. And if there's an interaction where something needs to be [00:12:00] said, by all means say it, but let it come from clarity, not from your need to win or to be right or to change someone somehow. When we stop needing everyone to act, quote unquote according to us, for us to feel okay, we actually become better communicators and stronger leaders, and most importantly, we become more free. And that's the unexpected power of leading with love. It doesn't just change how you treat others, it changes you.

 Before I wrap up, I wanna leave you with just a few questions to sit with. You don't need to journal them unless that will help you of course, but just think about them. Number one, ask yourself, who in your life has allowed you to be fully yourself without trying to shape or to fix you? And what did that feel like and how did it change the way you saw yourself?

Number two. Where are you still trying to get someone else to change so that you can feel more [00:13:00] comfortable and what might shift if you let go of that expectation? Number three, have you confused acceptance with agreement? Is there a place in your life where you can honor someone's path without making it mean anything about yours?

Number four. Are you showing up in relationships as the most honest version of you, or the most likable version of you? And what would change if you instead always chose to be authentically you? And number five, what would leading with love actually look like in your day to day life at home, online, in your business, in your friendships, and most importantly, how you treat yourself.

Just remember, this is not about becoming a saint or tolerating bad behavior. It's about living with integrity. Let the answers come without judgment because you're not here to be getting it perfect every single time. You're here to become more aligned. And so to wrap it up leading with [00:14:00] love, it doesn't mean losing yourself.

It doesn't mean tolerating everything or agreeing with everyone. It means choosing to stay grounded in who you are while giving others the freedom to do the same. And when you do that, something shifts not just in your relationships, but in how you carry yourself. And trust me, people feel that. I hope today's episode gave you something to think about, and if it did, please share it with someone who will benefit from listening to it as well.