Ep 108 Why You Feel Stuck Even When You Want Change

In this episode of The ARTwork of YOU, host Lori Gouhin digs into one of the most frustrating human experiences: wanting change with your whole heart but still feeling completely stuck. Even when you’re inspired, motivated, or certain you’re ready for a shift, something inside you quietly resists and Lori explains exactly why.

Drawing from real-life patterns,psychology, and the emotional space between who you are now and who you want to become, Lori breaks down why wanting feels exciting and safe while choosing requires a deeper level of responsibility and self-honesty. She shares why your mind clings to possibility instead of action, how wanting can feel productive even when nothing is actually changing, and why choosing creates resistance, discomfort, and ultimately momentum.

If you keep circling the same idea, dream, or goal without seeing real movement, this episode will help you understand what’s happening beneath the surface and what small shifts can finally move you forward.

In this episode, Lori shares:

• Why wanting change feels comfortable while choosing feels confronting 

• The subtle mindset trap that keeps you stuck in “thinking about it” mode

• How identity plays a major role in whether you take action or stay where you are

• Signs you’ve been in wanting mode without realizing it

• What shifts instantly when you truly choose something

• Simple steps to move from wanting to choosing with confidence

• How small, aligned commitments create clarity and momentum

This conversation is a powerful reminder that staying stuck is not a sign of failure—it’s a sign that you’re standing in the space between who you’ve been and who you’re becoming. And with one intentional choice, everything begins to shift.

If you’re ready to move forward with clarity, confidence, and ease, book a strategy call with Lori at theartworkofyou.com.

Thank you for sharing your time with me and remember to show up in your life like the masterpiece you are because YOU are the ARTwork!!!

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Transcript

Lori Gouhin: [00:00:00] Hello my friends. I am so glad that you are here with me today because today I wanna talk about wanting something and choosing something, and I thought it would be a good follow up to episode 1 0 6, if you haven't listened to that one yet, about being in the middle stages of things. so, for example.

We say we want a different life or better habits or more creativity, maybe a new direction or a bigger version of ourselves. All the [00:01:00] things, and we mean it because wanting isn't the problem. Wanting feels good, wanting lets us imagine possibilities without any pressure attached. But choosing choosing is an entirely different conversation because choosing.

Asks something of us. It requires a different level of responsibility, and it's when you suddenly realize, oh, if I choose this, that means I have to show up a little differently. And that's where so many people get stuck, not because they're unmotivated, not because they don't care, but because that gap between wanting and choosing feels uncertain.

And a little or maybe a lot uncomfortable, but if we're being honest with ourselves, we realize that nothing happens in the wanting, and everything happens in the choosing. And so before we get into choosing, I think it will help to talk a little bit about what wanting really [00:02:00] does for us. Wanting feels safe because it keeps everything hypothetical.

And as long as you're in wanting mode. That idea stays untouched. It can stay perfect in your mind. It doesn't have to face the reality of your schedule or your habits, your fears, or your follow through wanting lets you stay in that beautiful place where everything is possible and nothing is required, and there's nothing wrong with that.

Wanting is human. It's exciting and it's hopeful, and it gives you something to look forward to. But wanting is also where we can hide. It's easy to say things like, I wanna be more creative, or I wanna take my business to the next level, or I want to stop putting things off, or I wanna start taking better care of myself.

Those statements feel true, and they probably are, but again, wanting doesn't ask you to change anything. It doesn't ask you to rearrange your time. It doesn't ask you to step into a [00:03:00] new version of yourself. It doesn't ask you to feel uncomfortable. Wanting, lets you imagine the outcome without imagining the responsibility that comes with it.

And for a while that feels really good, but eventually wanting things on repeat starts to feel heavy in your mind, and you can feel the disconnect between what you say you want and what your actions. Reflect, and that's usually the moment people start to feel frustrated or confused again, not because they don't want it enough, but because they haven't chosen it yet.

 And choosing is where everything shifts, and this is usually the point where people hesitate because choosing removes that buffer between you and the thing that you say that you want. It takes the idea out of your imagination and places it into your actual life, and that alone changes the way you relate to it.

 When you choose something, even if you haven't told anyone, [00:04:00] you create a sense of direction and you move from quote unquote maybe to, this is where I'm going. And the second that you do that, a new kind of accountability shows up and you can't unknow. The choice that you just made, that's what makes it feel different.

Choosing asks you to participate. It asks you to show up in a way that wanting never does. And because of that, choosing will almost always bring up resistance. At first, you might suddenly question if you're ready or if you're capable, or if it's the right time. Not because the choice is wrong, but because the moment you choose, you also acknowledge that things will need to shift a little.

Your habits, your energy, your priorities, your self-image, all of that, you now have to align with something. And alignment always requires an adjustment. That's why choosing feels different. I also wanna mention something [00:05:00] interesting that happens in that space between wanting and choosing that a lot of people never notice, and it's about identity.

This in-between space has a way of revealing, I would say, to you about who you currently are and who you would need to become. And that contrast can feel really uncomfortable in a very honest and very human way. Wanting lets you stay connected to the version of yourself that you're familiar with while imagining a future version that feels really exciting.

But again, choosing asks you to acknowledge the gap between the two. And this space is where you become aware of your habits and patterns and behaviors that have shaped your current identity. And you start to notice the things that you've normalized. You see the routines that you maybe slip into without thinking, or you notice the beliefs that you've kind of silently agreed to.

And again, once you see all of that, you can't [00:06:00] unsee it. And so it's not that you don't want the change you do. It's that choosing requires you to be honest about the adjustments that would naturally come with it. And you realize wanting that version of my life is easy, but becoming the person who lives it is the part that requires intention and action and can be difficult.

And so you learn the truth about what your desire is calling you toward, not just in terms of action, but in terms of identity. Wanting is the outcome. Choosing is about the person you're willing to become on your way there. And so why do so many stay in the wanting mode? For some, it seems like their whole life.

 Well, I would say it's because it feels productive even when it isn't Wanting, gives you just enough movement to feel that you're engaged with the idea without requiring any real shift, and it feels like you're gathering momentum. Even though nothing actually changes [00:07:00] and wanting becomes a place where you organize your thoughts and you daydream and you plan, and you research and you talk things through.

You imagine the possibilities, you explore different outcomes, and none of that is wasted, but none of it is choosing either. It's kind of like, I don't know, what is that They say like mental gymnastics, like you're close to something but you're not there yet. Another reason people stay in the wanting mode is because it preserves all the versions of how things could go.

Once you choose, you automatically narrow the direction you commit to. One path in wanting lets every possibility stay open. And for a lot of people, there's comfort in not having to eliminate any of them. Again, there's also that identity layer wanting lets you enjoy the idea of being the future version of yourself without having to let go of the current version, and it creates this bridge that feels familiar on both sides.

 And finally I would say some people stay in [00:08:00] wanting mode because they're waiting for that moment when choosing feels effortless. They're waiting for a surge of clarity or motivation or certainty. But as you know, choosing rarely works like that. Choosing is more like a decision that you make internally that will gradually make sense externally.

So staying in wanting mode might be a sign that you haven't made peace yet with the identity shift that choosing. Will naturally require from you. And if you're not sure if you're stuck in wanting mode, let me share a few signs that you might be. One sign is that you keep coming back to the same idea over and over again.

It doesn't matter if it's a project or a habit, a goal or a change that you've been considering, it has a way of resurfacing. You think about it maybe while you're getting ready in the morning or on your drive while you're scrolling, or right before bed, and I wouldn't say it's urgent, but it's persistent.

It keeps asking for your attention. Another [00:09:00] sign is that you're doing just enough. To stay connected to the idea, but not enough to ask it to move forward. And so you might save posts or buy a book or listen to a podcast, maybe watch a video, ask someone questions about it, or you keep a tab about it, open on your computer or write a note about it on your phone, but none of it becomes a concrete next step.

You're really just circling around the goal or the idea. You might also notice that your conversations are ahead of your actions, and what I mean by that is you can describe what you want pretty clearly. You can articulate the vision, the outcome, or the shift, but you can't quite explain what you've done lately to support it.

In other words, you can explain what you want better than you can explain what you're doing about it. Another sign is inconsistency. That doesn't make sense. So maybe you'll have a day where you feel fully aligned with what you want, and then the next day you barely even [00:10:00] think about it. And this is because wanting shows up when you feel inspired and choosing shows up.

Either way. So when you're inspired and even when you're not, and finally wanting shows up as this, you're waiting for things in your life to settle down before you begin and you tell yourself You'll choose once you have more time or more energy. But the truth is, if something stays in wanting mode for too long, life will always give you a reason to postpone it.

So these signs, they're indicators. They're the way your mind tells you that you're more or less stuck in this wanting mode and in full transparency, this was me for several months recently before I finally launched The Good Fortune Club. All of those signs of being un wanting mode that I just talked about, I had them.

I did them, all of them, until one day I finally chose, and I chose in a real and tangible way with a 30 day timeline for myself. And [00:11:00] so when you finally choose something, really choose it. Your identity starts to shift in ways that are small, but very noticeable. And the first shift I would say is clarity, because once you choose the mental noise.

Starts to fade. You're no longer weighing five options or playing the same thought on a loop. The decision gives your mind a point of focus, and you start filtering your day through that lens without even really trying. And then comes the alignment. Your actions start matching your intention, not because you're forcing yourself, but because the choice adjusts to your priorities.

For me, there were certain things I had to figure out and things I needed to do if I was going to launch my club in 30 days. And so you stop negotiating with yourself. You don't have to convince yourself in the same way, and the path feels clearer and you begin to act in a way that supports the direction that you chose.

You'll also notice a change in how you talk to [00:12:00] yourself. You shift from, I want to do this, or I hope I can do this to this is what I'm doing now. And I would say there's a certain calm certainty and excitement that wasn't available when the idea was still floating around in that wanting mode. Choosing settles something inside of you.

Another shift is how you relate to your time. You naturally make room for what you chose and the things that don't fit, they also begin to fall away, not because you're suddenly disciplined, because believe me, I'm not always disciplined, but because the decision reorganizes, your attention and time feels different when it has a purpose behind it.

And one of the biggest shifts.  Your self respect increases in a very personal way. Choosing something for yourself reinforces that you trust your own direction and that changes the way you show up. You start seeing yourself as someone who follows through, someone who honors what they want, someone who [00:13:00] acts with intention.

And this identity shift doesn't come from the results. I don't have the results yet. When I start something, it comes from the choice itself. The moment you choose, you begin becoming the person who aligns with that choice. And from my experience, when you choose something, truly choose it, you feel the shift almost immediately again, because choosing creates movement.

So here is what I would suggest if you two want to shift from wanting to choosing something. Number one, I'd say name the real desire. What do you actually want? Number two, define one next step, not five, not 10. Just the very next thing that will prove to you that you've chosen number three. Create one small time commitment.

It could be 10 minutes, a half an hour, one action today, something that fits into your life instead of trying to fight against it. Number [00:14:00] four, remove one obstacle you already know is in the way. Not all of them, just the obvious one, and you'll know it. Number five, tell yourself the truth about why this matters, because when you reconnect to the reason The decision definitely feels easier. And so to wrap it up, I wanna reassure you that choosing does not require a perfect plan. I certainly did not have one for the Good Fortune Club. It just requires movement. And once you take that first small step. I promise the next one becomes easier to see. So as you go through your week, start to pay attention to the things that you keep saying.

You want not to judge yourself, but to notice where your attention naturally goes. There's always a reason for that. Your mind does not hold onto things without meaning. And if one of those ideas keeps following you around, consider that it might be asking you to choose it. [00:15:00]