Getting to Unstuck

E25 | Respect Vs. Trust: Is There a Difference? #TeamWorkTuesday

• Season 1 • Episode 25

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This week on #TeamWorkTuesday, we are looking at what we have learned this month about the difference between respect and trust.

Together, we are recapping our most popular episodes and the theme that we are seeing with our clients and guests.

We all want to be respected, but can we be trusted? And, if so, how does that trust look like in our workplace relationships.

Join the live conversation and share your own insights about trust and respect. What do they mean to youGetting to Unstuck is a live recorded podcast with Christal Duncan, Colin Kingsmill and Carol Vickers from Whole Human Coaching. Find out more about our work and the people we work with at https://wholehumancoaching.com

We would love to hear from you!

Respect Vs_ Trust_ Is There a
Difference_
Carol Vickers: [00:00:00] Good morning, good morning,
Christal Duncan: good morning. Welcome back to teamwork Tuesday.
It is the end of February and. It, it's been, it's been a minute, really
fascinating things happen here. If you're just joining in, if you're joining
us live, or if you're listening to this recording later, we're so glad you're
here.
We are whole human coaching and our show this live recorded. Every
episode, our show is called Getting to Unstuck. And so at Getting to
Unstuck, we are focused on helping you understand and make sense of
[00:01:00] life and in particular work and how it relates and that you can,
how you can show up as not just a great version of you, but as a whole
human because that is.
That's what life is about. So welcome, Carol and Colin. We're kind of
coming in from across the country. Today we're going to be talking about
respect versus trust. So is there a difference and why it matters? So a
couple interesting things about this off the top. Before we get into this
respect versus trust is actually something that comes up a lot when
we're coaching people as well.
And speaking of coaching, do you like how I did that little segue right
there?
In just two days, we are doing a live coach workshop, coaching
workshop. It's called the future is whole human coaching, and it's a 90
minute live workshop. We have only a couple spots left as of right now,
as I'm recording this, and we would love to have you join us. But you
need to be there [00:02:00] live because it's actually going to be in
person because that's what coaching is about.
So you can find out more over at WholeHumanCoaching. com. So let's
get down to the good stuff here. So we're looking at what we've learned
this month and about the difference between respect. So let's start with
thinking about, well, actually, let me read you a quote that I found it's, it's
actually, I've made it into a quote.

It was just something I found in an article cause I think it's such a
fantastic quote. It says that trust means being uncompromised by doubt.
Carol Vickers: Isn't that powerful?
Christal Duncan: It is really powerful. Yeah. Yeah.
Colin Kingsmill: So good. So simple. So
Christal Duncan: simple. So simple. Yeah. When I, when I think of it, I
automatically have a couple of different, I have a visual of what it could
look like in a situation.
I can feel it in my body about like, uncompromised by doubt. And if
someone's like, okay, well, what if you said that that's the way it is, then I
trust you. [00:03:00] Or you said you're going to do this. I trust you.
Right. You're not compromised without. It's fascinating. Right,
Carol Vickers: right. Yeah, so good. Perfect. Yeah, and immediately as
you said it, Crystal, I thought it just, there's a a real visual of all the
different situations where trust is vital and important.
And when, when you try that on, that's how it fits. Yep. Yeah. Trust
between a parent and child, trust between a leader and employees, trust
between a police officer and someone who is going to. It's going to be is
going to go to them like where we are seeing that the opposite of it is
where we have our challenges in our communities and society right now.
Yeah. Oh
Colin Kingsmill: boy, right, especially on things like social media and
where, where, where doubt seems to be injected in it everywhere right.
So the doubt is injected the fear is amplified division gets wider
[00:04:00] it's. It's such a great such a great definition, Crystal. Yeah,
Christal Duncan: yeah, I love it. So if we were to kind of walk back
through the month of February, I think we're going to actually start at the
end of, at our, our most recent episode, which was also a conversation
that we had.
And the reason that we're, we're walking backwards is because it's kind
of like taking a thread and we're going to be going back through things

and being like, see that thread was there all along. When we started the
month of February, we we were, we knew we'd be talking about
community and relationships and we quickly.
Realized that it comes down to this exact topic that we're talking about
today. That makes the difference that makes or breaks relationships. So
last Thursday, which was in case you're wondering, actually our most
popular episode this month as well. We, we were in conversation with
Amanda ring and Carol.
Wow. That was just such a fantastic conversation with
Carol Vickers: her. It was so amazing. It could have gone on for a
couple of hours. We had [00:05:00] so many topics that we wanted to
touch on. And there was one term that came out of the conversation with
Amanda, and I look back at my notes from that day, and I was just
scribbling pieces as she was speaking, because there were so many
golden pieces for it.
But she was talking about sovereignty. and how important sovereignty is
to us as human beings. And when I, the word itself has so many, again,
implications when you look at where the derivative of it and where it
came from. And it, it is considered to be a normative state for human
beings. That we are sovereign in our being.
Wow. And that we have the right to be making choices about where we
live, who we, who we live with, who we love, where we are educated, so
many aspects of it. There is kind of an assumption that we could hold
[00:06:00] ourselves as sovereign human beings. And yet so much of
our lives feels compromised by who we have to be and where we have
to be that.
And a lot of what Amanda suggested to us is how important it is to
interrupt the patterns. And to be able to look at things from a different
perspective. Yeah. And she used the term from an eagle's perch. And I
found myself repeating that a couple of times in my coaching
conversations afterwards.
Because it's such a lovely way for us to consider how else we could be
looking at the world. So if we were sitting on an eagle's perch and
looking, what would we see? And how would it be different? And how
could we, as human beings, be returning to our authentic truths? And

what would that mean in community and relationships if we were
operating that way?
It was such a [00:07:00] provocative conversation with Amanda, and if
you haven't seen it, I invite you to go back and review it. Because she
really brought a lovely energy to this whole idea of matriarchal versus
patriarchal and where we can stand in harmony. Yeah, it was the other
terminology that was so wonderful and it just it did it began.
It was a beautiful kind of Confirmation or compilation of all the other
conversations that we've been having in the month. Yeah Thank you to
Amanda Ring for bringing a lot of them together for us. Yeah.
Christal Duncan: Yeah. What about you Colin? What are your thoughts
on
Colin Kingsmill: what I mean? I thought that I think the the the The
concept of sovereignty, as you described it, Carol, not in a sort of
monarchy style, but in in the way that it was intended and described in
this idea of an eagle's perch, I think, is important.
It's, it [00:08:00] feels as though it's almost mission critical these days
because and I say a lot in my work when I'm talking to somebody, I'm
like, look up, don't look down. Right? Because we are so engaged in our
phones and our tablets and our well, really, that's it. And, and. And all
the detrimental effects of social media and looking down and being sort
of absorbed in your own little world and your own little ecosystem that is,
feels so unhealthy for you.
So I love this idea of sovereignty and that eagle's nest, I think but that
requires courage too, right? To, to, to go up into the trees and to look
afar and, and, and maybe even have some of your ideas and your
convictions and your beliefs and your patterns questioned, right? Yes.
And it also, I think it requires courage, but also like it's a battle these
days to, to get to that place of that perch, I think because we're so
bombarded from every angle energetically.[00:09:00]
Carol Vickers: I've been traveling this week and one of the things I
noticed in, in a waiting room for the BC ferries was probably 95 percent
of people, We're doing this, they were head down, they were on their
phones, there was no conversations happening, there was nobody
looking at the amazing view out the window, we were all down here and

look up Colin, that's such a beautiful way of, in so many ways of what we
can, how we can shift our perspective immediately.
Yeah, you
Colin Kingsmill: know, it reminded me two of those conversations that
we've had around Martha Beck's book, The Way of Integrity, right?
Because kind of reclaiming your sovereignty also means you, you need
to dive into who you really are, right? And, and who you really are, I
think, again, in our culture today, like you mentioned, is, is really hard to
express when you have [00:10:00] expectations that might be in a
partnership, in a relationship, in the office, within your team.
So authenticity, Integrity and, and sovereignty. Maybe we, maybe next
month we dive into those, those subjects more because it feels as
though so much of what we've talked about. Even in the last few months,
is this disconnection from that sovereignty? I don't know what you think,
Carol, about that disconnection.
Christal Duncan: Yeah. Finding our finding our way back. To feeling
like you have agency in your life and that you are making choices, that
are choices that you can live with, not just live with, but that you're, that
you're proud of, that you're connected to that, your relationships. There's
connection there. Mm-Hmm. . I think that the, the whole idea of
sovereignty is is something that has.
We've, it's kind of been pushed to the [00:11:00] back burner, like what
you said, Colin, because we are everything is so urgent, you know, and
what a timely, what a timely thing to think about sovereignty when we
think about things that are going all over the, on all over the world and
how people's people's, their own rights and sovereignty is being taken
from them in many, many ways and how important it is for us to be clear
first on who we are so that we can have Become instruments of so we
can be in solidarity with other people too, right?
Like solidary isn't about something outside of us. It's about, it's about
inside. And I think that's what, that's what I took from Amanda's
conversation as well. It was about the importance to make sure that, you
know, because our, we had, we called her into the conversation based
on the fact that how do you heal from trust when trust is broken?

And these are all elements of how we heal. And the reality is, is no one
is going to save us. We save ourselves and so, and that's what
sovereignty is, right? Sovereignty is I get to, I get to save [00:12:00]
myself. So we also talked about one of our topics was about, we call it
trusted teams always do this.
And I, again, wrote down another note here about in relation to when we
talked about that trust equals to be uncompromised by doubt in in in the
concept of a team and of showing up. For in the team, either like as a
leader within or you are the, you are the leader, whatever that looks like
people can't do their best work if they doubt other people's intentions.
You just can't, it's just not possible. It's not possible. And if they doubt, if
they doubt their intentions or their capabilities, and I think back and we
use this all the time and I give credit to our, one of our clients to said
this, who said this at one of our retreats that we were leading clear is
kind and it clear is kind, clear is kind, clear is kind.
And I think that trusted teams are clear. On where, where they
[00:13:00] are, where they're going, what's important, and they're clear
on giving feedback, they're clear on showing up and on taking
responsibility. And that has been something that we are seeing over and
over again. And I think that's just such a valuable thing because we just,
we are immersed in a world that's so.
Easy for us to find fault with someone else and to pass it back over and
over. We like, that's just a common, that that's just a common narrative,
you know, and every level of our society, that's just the common default.
And so to interrupt again, like what Amanda said, to interrupt those
patterns is how we build trust.
Cause people have to, maybe people have to respect our position, but
that doesn't mean that they have to trust us. That's on us. And
Carol Vickers: I think as we look at it in the workplace, there is this
element of being vulnerable in the workplace, either as a leader or as a
team member, so [00:14:00] that you are willing to share some of who
you really are in that space.
Because that authenticity, if we really don't know each other, we don't
know how to trust each other. Yeah. So there was a lot of, there's some
really practical abilities and skills there that we were talking about in

terms of how to build community because in community we can feel safe
and be who we are.
Colin Kingsmill: Yeah. So one of the things that I remembered from
that episode was this, the concept of the, the, the concept of small t
trauma and addressing it. Remember, because if we, if we as individuals
Don't know who we are right because we haven't addressed certain
things from our past then what are we doing?
We are bringing to that conversation a mask or a walled Version of us,
right? Yeah, so It's interesting that you know The topic of trust, you
know, is so deep, but, but if, if you don't go and do that [00:15:00] work
of really understanding who you are and where your thoughts cross and
your patterns, right? Like Amanda was saying, dissect it all, you know,
just dissect how go have fun and dissect it all and find out, find out, you
know, what stories are still serving you today.
Right. That might've been a repeat for 20, 30, 30 years, 40 years. Who
knows? Yeah, and see if they're serving you so that I thought that was
powerful from that conversation as well, you know,
Carol Vickers: well, it's interesting that we began this month talking
about community and relationships. That was the, the theme from the,
from our Wheel of Life.
And I think we very quickly got to that foundational piece, which is about
trust. And so every aspect of our conversations this month have gone,
have all, it's been mirrored back to that. Respect versus trust. What is,
you know, there is a difference. How do we earn both? Because we also
want to be respected in the world.[00:16:00]
But we will, will we ever be respected if we're not trusted?
Colin Kingsmill: Probably not. Not
Carol Vickers: really. Right? I don't think so. There's this artificial
respect that we say we should have for our leaders, for our political
leaders, for our teachers, I mean, it's all spoken to us that we should
respect. Our elders. Yeah. Many times.
Almost like that when we were growing up, right? Oh, yeah.

Colin Kingsmill: Yeah. But it's almost like obedience, right? Because if
there isn't trust, it is, it's something else. It's not trust. It's obedience or
something similar. I'm probably, you know, because It's almost like, like
trust and, and trust and respect need to go hand in hand.
I think, yeah.
Christal Duncan: And isn't it interesting that there's, there's a, when,
when people try to flip the script on us, if we don't trust them, it's
somehow a lack of moral clarity on our part for not trusting [00:17:00]
them. Right. You know what I mean? And like, to try to, so there's,
there's that element of like me, me trusting me trusting you.
And again, it's like, if I can, if I'm uncompromised by doubt about how I
feel like about you, that's not a reflection of anything moral. That is a
reflection of whether you've given me sufficient. Evidence and reason to
actually trust and respect you. Yes, it
Carol Vickers: really is. And that evidence is going to have to be
repeated over and over again in order for people to continue to have it.
And that's the work that I think we are working on with some of the
leaders that we do our, do our coaching and training with is that this isn't
a one off and done. Just because someone has expressed that they
respect, have respect or trust for you, that has to continue to be nurtured
and grown.
Otherwise, it does, it [00:18:00] wobbles. We know this. We know this in
long term relationships. We know this in long term work environments.
What we thought we could trust sometimes gets questioned. And that's
the healthy part. Is that we can, that we can ask the questions, that we
can be provocative and, but wait a minute, that doesn't make sense to
me anymore.
And that's where we're going to open up into something different. Is if
there, if we each have a willingness to be questioning what we thought
we should just respect. Yeah, and ask why. Yeah,
Colin Kingsmill: well, that's that has to do with I think in one of the last
episodes you mentioned this the concept of engaging in a different way
of being right engaging in a new way of being and that's what that's what
we're all about.

I think here at whole human is is rethinking rethinking all of these.
Patterns. And so
Carol Vickers: it's an exciting prospect to really, to take a look at what,
this is how it's always been. How [00:19:00] can it, we have it be
different. Yeah. That's the part I love about our conversations. We really
want to challenge the status quo.
Yeah. Yeah. Yeah.
Christal Duncan: Yeah. A hundred percent. Yeah. And then it's okay to
change your mind too. Right. It's, it's okay. In fact, I think it's a sign of it's,
it's a sign, it's a good sign if you're like, you know, I used to be stuck in
believing this, this was something I believed but I, I now have changed,
my experience has led me to change or however, however that would
come to that.
Colin Kingsmill: And if you go up into that eagle's perch, like if you go
to that eagle's perch, you're bound to change your way of thinking and
being and it's, it's like, oh, there's a much wider angle lens on everything
that I'm looking at in the world. Yeah. Yeah. Yeah. Yeah. I, I, I, I, I would
argue that it is essential almost to, yeah.
To, to change. Otherwise we're, what, what's that word? When you don't
grow, when you, when you're just stay stagnant. Stagnant. You
stagnate, right? Stagnant.
Christal Duncan: Yeah. Yeah. It's true. Right in and a chamber.
[00:20:00] Yeah. Well, in Saskatchewan where I grew up is we have
something called sls. 'cause Saskatchewan has tons of lakes and
sloughs.
Mm-Hmm. . And a slew is literally, almost everybody would have some
on their farm property somewhere. A slew is a body of water. It doesn't
have. It either doesn't have maybe has freshwater coming in
somewhere, but the freshwater's got nowhere to go. So it stagnates and
that's where Everything it's just gross.
It's not you know, it's it's and always when I think of the word stagnant. I
think of that I Think of that it has nowhere to flow. So yeah Eagles perch
and we realize things New information has come in, and now for me, for

it to stay fresh, there needs to be a way for it to flow through. Okay, so
here's the
Carol Vickers: question to leave this with.
Okay. Is your workplace a river or is it a slew? Ooh.
Colin Kingsmill: Yikes. Yeah. Oh boy. Hi. Hi. Next month's topics. It
reminds me of that. [00:21:00] Remember Lynn twists book on the soul
of money too. That was all about a river that has to flow. It
Carol Vickers: has to flow. Yeah. It has to
Colin Kingsmill: flow. Yeah. Thanks, Carol, for next month's topic.
Carol Vickers: Working on flow.
Christal Duncan: Yeah, working on flow. Okay, well, we didn't, we as
usual, the conversation never goes as how I was like, in behind the
scenes, I'm always like, here's how we're going to talk about it. And then
we always get off on a much better tangent than I could have dreamt up.
So thank you for that. And for you, our listener, we first of all, want to say
that we believe in you.
And you matter, your choices matter, who you are matters and your
leadership matters wherever you are leading from where you are is
what's going to make a difference. And so thanks for staying, staying
with us through this conversation. Don't forget to check out our free
workshop coming up in a couple of days if you're listening to it then.
And after that you can, you'll be able to find the replay in certain
capacities on our site. We'll be letting you know about that. And if you
are interested, [00:22:00] you've been hearing us talk about the wheel of
life. You can also find the wheel of life over at whole human coaching.
com. And it's a really just a great way to get an Eagle's perch
perspective and get some focus for the year ahead.
You can also find out about more about us and the people that we work
with over there and until next time. If you've also liked the show feel free
to subscribe and to share it with other people because anything good
worth listening to is worth being shared until next time. Thanks for joining

People on this episode

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Carol Vickers

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Christal Duncan

Co-host
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Colin Kingsmill

Co-host